Talk:Rita Rudner

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"Have children" quote[edit]

"Have children while your parents are still young enough to take care of them." is commonly attributed to Rudner. Seems her style. Is it hers? (Added by User:

In the "Rita Rudner" TV show of the 90s, 2nd episode, she says: "I know I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to take care of them". 16:40, 18 January 2007 (UTC)

Cereal/puppy chow quote[edit]

I've removed the following unsourced quote:

  • Once I finally had children I thought I was doing such a great job. Then one morning I looked down at the dog bowl on the floor to see it full of my two-year-old son’s cereal, milk, and a spoon. I then looked at the breakfast table to see my son curiously tasting his breakfast. The bad news is the dog almost choked on the spoon. The good news is, now I save a fortune on groceries because I feed my son puppy chow.

I do so because it is apparently being used to claim plagiarism by another author, as quoted at "Kibbles and Kids". Although it does sound like something Rita Rudner might have said, a preliminary search on the web revealed nothing resembling anything like this even attributed to Rudner, let alone properly sourced. I plan to check some books and DVDs to see if I can find it. (Okay, so it's also an excuse to indulge in some comedy entertainment, too. Who said Wikiquote has to be all work? ☺) In the meantime, it would help if the editor who added this could cite a reliable source for the quote, if they have one. ~ Jeff Q (talk) 18:48, 14 March 2007 (UTC)


  • According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful.
  • Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love...I'd stepped in it a few times. [HBO: "Born to be Mild"]
  • I got kicked out of ballet class because I pulled a groin muscle. It wasn't mine.
  • I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
  • I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.
  • I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso.
  • I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.
  • [about her talk show] I'm just like Dr. Phil, except I have hair and I don't help anybody.
  • In Hollywood, a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk. [HBO: "Born to be Mild"]
  • Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke?
  • Money is the root of all jewelry.
  • Most turkeys taste better the day after; my mother's tasted better the day before.
  • My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.
  • My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head. [HBO: "Born to be Mild"]
  • My mother is such a lousy cook that Thanksgiving at her house is a time of sorrow.
  • Never play peekaboo with a child on a long plane trip. There's no end to the game. Finally I grabbed him by the bib and said, "Look, it's always gonna be me!"
  • [advice to a woman who can't decide between 2 men] Remember, Humphrey Bogart was not the first choice for Casablanca; Ronald Reagan was. So maybe if Ronnie had taken the part, Humprey Bogart could have been president. And maybe if you date this guy, you could be president too!
  • Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be.
  • The first thing that hits on you in New York is the driver of an unlicenced taxicab.
  • When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.
  • When I meet a man I ask myself, 'Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?'
    • Variant: Whenever I date a guy [in Hollywood], I think, "Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?" [HBO: "Born to be Mild"]
  • When I was a kid I had two friends, and they were imaginary, and they would only play with each other. [HBO: "Born to be Mild"]