My Gym Partner's a Monkey

My Gym Partner's a Monkey, created by couple Timothy Cahill and Julie McNally Cahill, is an American animated television series that aired on Cartoon Network on December 26, 2005. Adam Lyon, a 12-year-old school student is transferred to Charles Darwin Middle School, a school for animals, because of an accidental typo error in his last name. There, in P.E. class, he is partnered up with spidermonkey, Jake Spidermonkey, causing them to become best friends.

Season 1

Innoculation Day / Animal Testing [1.1]

Adam: What happened?

Lupe: You went totally ape and stuff, but Nurse Gazelle got you back to normal.

Principal Pixiefrog: Nice shooting, nurse, in spite of your itty-bitty brain.

Nurse Gazelle: Thanks, but it wasn't the blowdart alone that did the trick.

Jake: Yeah, it was booty killed the beast. What, you don't get it? Booty as in my butt. It's a play on words. [faculty and students leave] Hey wait! Maybe I didn't sell it. [points to his butt with an arrow] Booty...killed...the... beast!!! Heh, I guess some people don't appreciate great literature.

---

Mr. Hornbill: Which reptile has poor eyesight?

Ingrid: Snakes!

Mr. Hornbill: Correct, Ingrid. Here's your treat.

[Slips puts glasses on]

Mr. Hornbill: Which reptile has no ears?

Ingrid: Snakes!

Mr. Hornbill: Correct again.
[Slips's glasses fall]

---

Adam: I don't know about you guys, but I'm thinking I aced that bad boy.

Jake: What?! Didn't I tell you not to the questions right, or you'd end up with… [covers his mouth] The Spiffies?

Lupe: The Spiffies are the smartest kids in school, fool.

Jake: Eh, a bunch of dorks.

Adam: Jake, just because they're smart, doesn't mean they're… [cut to him in Mr. Blowhole's class, sitting with the Spiffies] Dorks? [The Spiffies laugh and snort] Although, I could be wrong about that.

Mr. Blowhole: Please welcome our newest overachiever, Adam Lyon.

Adam: Excuse me, Mr. Blowhole. But I think might being here is a big mistake.

Phineas: You, think? You don't look capable of it.

Lyon of Scrimmage / Bad News Bear [1.2]

Adam: [to Coach Gills] Excuse me ma'am, but these plays aren't so hard to remember. [puts away football playbook] Rollout Option Pass, the offensive line blocks down to prevent a defender from following the pulling guard and the tight end double teams the OT's man. If the defender changes the cover to block, the Quarterback runs behind his two blockers, sending the play into second option.

---

Kid: [to Adam] You forgot your lunch, monkey boy! [a banana is thrown at Adam]

Chew on This / The "A" Word [1.3]

Coach Gills: Lyon! Are you planning on making us lose the district physical fit test?!

Adam: Sorry, Coach Gills. I didn't eat lunch, so I'm feeling kind of lightheaded.

Coach Gills: [screams] Lightheaded?! The kid's over exerted! [takes out a megaphone] CODE BLUE! CODE BLUE!

[Adam later ends up in Nurse Gazelle's office]

Nurse Gazelle: So, you're lightheaded, eh?

Adam: Yeah, I forgot my lunch today and-

Nurse Gazelle: [screams] The kid's got an eating disorder! Code blue! Code blue!

[He then ends up in Mr. Mandrill's office]

Mr. Mandrill: So, Adam, what's this about you refusing to eat the cafeteria food? Let's rap about that.

Adam: I'm just not gonna eat twigs and bugs for lunch.

Mr. Mandrill: [screams] He's on a hunger strike! Code blue! Code blue!

[Then, he ends up in Principal Pixiefrog's office]

Principal Pixiefrog: I hear you're refusing to eat the cafeteria food, unless we add something that's fit for human consumption.

Adam: I don't wanna cause any trouble. I just wanna be able to eat something at lunch.

Principal Pixiefrog: He's gonna sue! Give him whatever he wants! Code blue! Code blue!

Shark Attack / Me Adam, You Jake [1.4]

Henry: Me, um...line.

Ms. Chameleon: Jungle Guy.

Henry: Jungle Guy. You...um...line.

Ms. Chameleon: Next!

Henry: Next! Line.

Ms. Chameleon: Next!

Henry: Next!

Ms. Chameleon: Next!!!

Henry: Next!!!

Ms. Chameleon: Get off the stage, you idiot!

---

Adam: [to Jake] The best Jungle Guy can...make a soufflé.

Jake: That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard!

The Sheds / Shiny Thing [1.5]

Ms. Chameleon: Slips! Will you stop that incessant scratching and return to your seat?!

Slips: Yes, ma'am. [sadly returns to his desk]

---

Principal Pixiefrog: [about Slips] Oh, yuck! That snake's got a cold! Germ alert! Germ alert!

---

Animal Students: [under the hypnotic powers of Jake] Pretty! Pretty! Shiny! Shiny!

Law and Odor / Yesterday's Funny Monkey [1.7]

Jake: My butt is a classic, a classic has-been.

---

Jake: [showing off his butt routine to the audience] What are you looking at? Okey dokey!

It's the Scary Old Custodian, Adam Lyon / My Science Project [1.8]

James: [his science project is on fire] Break out the sauce, I smell barbecue. Oh, that's me. Ouch!

---

Jake: I'm glad you're here Adam, 'cause you're so-o-o smart.

Adam: I'm not that smart. I think chocolate milk comes from a brown cow.

Jake: Uh, well, I look forward to the Easter bunny coming every Christmas.

Adam: Don't look at me, I think professional wrestling is real.

Jake: I can't even spell real.

Adam: It's R-E-A-L. [mechanical arm powers up its drill] Darn it!

Jake: That's what you get for being such a smarty pants.

Two Tons of Fun / Docu-Trauma [1.9]

Adam: What just happened?
Jake: The one-ton rhino just got his butt kicked by a eight ounce frog! Where have you been these past thirty seconds?

---

Zera Corneilious: [while Adam runs away] Pants! Pants! Pants! Pants! I lost my Pants!
Jake: [pulls up his shirt] And is that a problem?

---

Principal Pixiefrog: This is Principal Pixiefrog with another fun-filled announcement: You're all expelled!!! [a zebra faints] Just kidding, just a little principal's joke. Ok, now for the real announcment.

Supplies Party / She's Koala That [1.10]

Chad: Who's having a birthday party?

Adam: I am.

Chad: Oh, it is going to be like the one you had in first grade? Where you wet your pants and cried.

Adam: No, that's not going to happen again.

Chad: Why? Are you going to wear a stupid diaper? What other stupid stuff are you going to do? Invite your stupid animal friends? I'm sure they'll do something to make you look stupid.

Kerry: [to Adam] Don't listen to Chad. He's just [pauses] stupid.

Political Animals / Guano in 60 Seconds [1.11]

Adam: Uh, Jake. That's not popcorn. It's asbestos.

Jake: [continues to eat asbestos, which is actually bat guano] I don't speak Greek, but whatever it is, needs more butter.

Bubble or Nothing / Up All Night [1.12]

Coach Gills: I've been in a bubble my whole life. Before it was cool.

---

Jake: How are you feeling now, sport?
Adam: Jake, I'm in a giant bubble!
Jake: Wow, don't you just love this place?
Adam: No!

---

[Adam is brushing his hair back, waiting for Kerry to show up]

Adam: Gee, Kerry, you look great in your slamming cammies and face protector. [A doorbell is heard and he walks to the front door and opens it, surprised to see that only Jake, Slips, and Windsor are there] Huh?!

Jake: Hey, Adam!

Adam: What are you guys doing here?

Jake: What are we doing here? Oh, good one, Adam. Don't you remember six weeks ago when we passed each other in the hall, and we right before you were almost out of earshot, I whispered that we should have a sleepover at your house tonight?

Adam: No. (I don't remember that.)

Jake: Oh. Well, don't worry about it. [he, Slips, and Windsor enter the house] We're here, and that's what counts.

---

Jake: Pizza isn't just complete without toppings. [adds bugs to Adam's slice of pizza]

---

Jake: [impersonating Principal Pixiefrog's voice on the phone] Hello, this is Principal Pixiefrog, we will just let you know we will be cancelling school next week.
Principal Pixiefrog: It was nice of me to cancel school next week.

Kerry to Dance? [1.13]

Kerry: Hey Ingrid, nice glitter.

Ingrid: Thanks. It's actually embedded in my corneas.

Kerry: [sighs] Boys are more trouble than they're worth, aren't they?

Lupe: Uh-huh! You said it, sister! Come on, girlfriends. Let's dance!!!

Season 2

Le Switcheroo / I Got a New Aptitude [2.1]

Jake: Hey Adam, you know what I want to be?

Adam: Umm, let me guess. A zoo animal.

Jake: No way! I want to be an underwear model.

Adam: I almost hate to ask, but why?

Jake: 'Cause I've always wanted to see what it's like to wear underwear.

Adam: But you don't even wear pants.

Jake: Look Adam; Every time I see a monkey on T.V., he's either naked or wearing diapers. It's time for me to step up and blaze a new trail for simians everywhere! And that trail happens to involve [deepens his voice] big boy pants!

The Times, They Are Exchangin' / Cool Kids [2.3]

Adam: Uh, Jake? I don't have any music in there.

Jake: Then where'd you get that--

Mauricio: Exclusive Truffles Duvall pre-release? That's for us to know, and for you to wait seven more weeks until it's released to the mass market.

Adam: Um, hi. I don't believe we've met. [sticks out his hand] I'm Adam. Okay. And just who are you? [Jake slaps him] Ow!

Jake: Don't sass them, Adam, they haven't in with Truffles.

Mauricio: Did you just ask who we are?

Adam: Yeah, you heard me. Who are- [Jake slaps him again] Ow!

Jake: Keep it quiet, Adam, they're the cool kids.

---

Adam: [climbing up] Forgot my tape recorder.

Ice Bergman: You still use a tape recorder? That is so garage sale. [pushes Adam down the mountain]

Jake: Excuse you.

Adam: Jake, you need to drop the cool act for one second and listen. I have something you need to hear. [plays the tape recorder]

Ice Bergman: [through recorder] That spidermonkey kid is so low watt. Like he hasn't figured that the only reason we invited him into our gang is because he's good at picking arc ticks.

Mauricio: [through recorder] Yeah, stupid was so much 2004. [laughter is heard as Jake whimpers sadly over hearing this] Shh, quiet, someone's coming.

Adam: [through recorder] Forgot my tape recorder. [stops the recorder]

Jake: [heartbroken] This… is… Is that true? Those guys were just using me?

Adam: I'm afraid so.

Disregarding Henry / Nice Moustache [2.4]

Adam: Hey, guys. What's going on? [notices Jake's bubble gum act] What are you doing, Jake?

Jake: Practicing my act for the talent show.

Windsor: Uh, Jake, didn't you get banned from the talent show for what you did last year?

Jake: [offended as the bubble gum bubbles pop from his ears] Thanks for bursting my bubble by bringing that up, Windsor.

Adam: What happened last year?

Lupe: Let's just say the bubbles came out somewhere else-- somewhere horrible.

---

Henry: OOOH! [singing while taking a shower] ♫ I'm a friendly armadillo / I'm a gentle pussy willow…♫ [notices Jake peeking from behind the curtains when he heard him; screams] Jake, what are you doing?!

Jake: That is the best Bari-Falset-Alto-Ano…you sing good! I want to enter you in the school talent show. What's your name, kid?

Henry: Well, it's Henry, Jake. You know that.

Jake: Well, Henrietta, I'm going to make you a star.

Henry: It's Henry. I'm a boy.

Jake: Well, if you say so. [closes the curtain]

---

Henry: This song is my soul. I hope you like it. [inhales] OOOH! [sings] ♫ I'm a friendly armadillo / I'm a gently pussy willow / Fear's my one peccadillo / I mastered the barbecue grill-o ♫

Poop Scoop / Leaf of Absence [2.5]

Principal Wolverine: Do I have to bite you on the buttocks?!

---

Jake: [jumping] I'm not touching you! I'm not touching you! I'm not touching you! I'm not touch---
Adam: Knock it off already!
Jake: ing you.

---

Principal Wolverine: Stop growing right now! [the grass grows higher] Mr. Grass, do I have to bite you on the buttocks?

I Fear Pretties / The Magic Fish [2.6]

Steve Lobster: [to the waiter] I'll take the lobster.

[Steve's wife is picked up by the waiter]

Steve's wife: Steve, how could you?!

Ain't Too Proud to Egg / The Two Jakes [2.7]

Mr. Hornbill: (explaining an assignment involving eggs) Any questions? [a girl Badger happily raises her hand.] No, Lacey, you may not eat the eggs. [Her hand goes down after turning Her smile into a frown]

Jake's Day Off / Lupe in Love [2.8]

Principal Pixiefrog: Spidermonkey was just here. I can almost taste it. [He licks the ground.] YUCK! He's got that Lyon kid with him too. Hey, what the--? Where am I? And how come nobody ever told me? Nobody ever includes me in anything.

---

Principal Pixiefrog: Oh! An important message! I better listen to myself!

---

Ingrid: [trying to comfort Lupe] Lupe, that vulture wasn't good enough for you. Plus, he stank like old meat.

Lupe: I loved that musky stench! THANKS FOR THROWING SALT IN MY FRESH AND GAPING WOUNDS, INGRID! [flies away, sobbing]

Ingrid: Salt's very antibacterial.

Orlando Parrot: Pretty bird!

Jake: Pretty monkey!

Adam: Pretty stupid.

Lupe: I'LL NEVER KNOW LOVE, AGAIN! [smashes into the locker and slides down onto the floor]

Jake: Whoa, Lupe, you've really hit the wall.

Lupe: Yes. Yes, I have.

---

Windsor: Their love is a sight to behold.

Slips: And it's so quiet since Lupe stopped screaming all the time.

Ingrid: Adam, you're like some kind of matchmaking genius for setting them up.

Adam: Uh…I didn't really set them up.

Carny Crazy / Up and Adam [2.10]

Phineas: Looks like that cheesy snow globe is good as mine! [Adam, who caught him cheating, jumps onto him and gets into a catfight with him] What are you doing you silly, stinking, hairless head?! Get off of me!

Adam: You big cheater! Using those special glasses!

Phineas: Are you insane?

Pants In Space / Uniformity [2.13]

James: I say, good fellow. Would you be so kind as to lift me to my locker latch?

Henry: Not at all, James.

---

Adam: [to Dickie] What's the matter, Dickie?

Dickie: [sniffs sadly] Oh, Adam. I spent all me life young life developing this signature look and me peculiar ways. It's what sets me apart from the rest. Bloke sees me and says, "Look, there goes Dickie Sugarjumper and his peculiar ways! Let's throw things at him!" Now, everyone at school has pinched me image and I'm just part of the crowd. [sniffs] It's not fair. It's not fair, I tell you! [breaks down, sobbing] What? What?!

Adam: [writing down his notepad] Note to self: Never ask Dickie what's the matter.

---

Adam: You're not gonna be an astronaut all because of the stupid pants?

Jake: [enraged] Stupid?! Ohh, that's just what they want you to think!

Season 3

The Big Field Trip [3.2-3.3]

Windsor: So this is where it all ends? If I had known I was headed for a premature demise, I'd have eaten more butter.

Ingrid: I'd have spent more time apologizing for things I didn't do.

Slips: I'd have eaten more butter.

Windsor: Hey, that was mine.

Ingrid: I'm sorry!

---

Adam: Hey, I thought car rides made you sick.

Jake: Can and did. I used your barf bag when you weren't looking.

Adam: That's not a barf bag! That's my lunch!

Jake: Really? What are you having? [looks inside] Ew, barf.

---

Adam: Some field trip. Hey, where are we going? Duh, I don't know. Let's drive off a cliff and find out. Animals.

Jake: Oho, so that the way it is, eh? Put man out in the wild and his true nature comes out. Well, let me tell you something! [sobs] That true nature hurts.

The Spiffanos / The Little Mermonkey [3.4]

Principal Pixiefrog: [through PA] Attention, students. Today is Crazy Unibrow Day. So put on those brows and get wiggling.

That Darn Platypus [3.7]

Phineas: Alien threat? What alien threat?

Marvin: Yeah, if there was an alien threat, we'd know about before you.

Daniel: Yes, we haven't noticed anything strange.

Marvin: I catapulted your fortress, Daniel. 3,000 points, officially making me the new master of attack.

Spiffies: All hail attack master Marvin.

Windsor: Um, look, we're under attack in the real world, so can we borrow your destabilized particle laser ionizer cannon or not?

Phineas: No! [gets pelted in the face by a banana peel] Who threw that?! Might it be you, attack master Marvin?

Marvin: Oh, gosh. It wasn't me, sir. I'm allergic to fruit.

Nestor: Me too.

Daniel: Me too.

Aloysius: Me too.

Phineas: Well, bananas don't just fall out of the sky, unless…

Spiffies: Aliens!

Jake: Told you.

---

Windsor: Give it up, Rick, or we'll decelerate your particles back to Venus or Mars.

Slips: Or Mercury or Saturn, or any of the planets named on this detergent box.

Jake: Except for the planet that must not be named.

Ingrid: You mean, Jupiter?

---

Principal Pixiefrog: Good shot, Hog! Too bad the lens cap is still on.

Mrs. Warthog: It is? Oh, yeah. I guess it is. [flashes a photo of herself and Pixiefrog]

Principal Pixiefrog and Mrs. Warthog: WE'RE BLIND! WE'RE BLIND! WE'RE BLIND! WE'RE BLIND! WE'RE BLIND! WE'RE BLIND! WE'RE BLIND!

Pride And Pixiefrog / Morning Zoo [3.8]

Jake: Um, Principal Pixiefrog? Don't you think you're taking this a little too far?

Principal Pixiefrog: Raining on parades again, Mr. Lyon? Well, let me- wait a minute. Who said that?

Jake: I did. See, when Adam became the new Mrs. Warthog, I became the new Adam, Windsor became the new me, Lupe became the new Windsor, Slips became the new Lupe… [45 Minutes Later…] And then Ingrid became the new Mr. Blowhole, and Henry became the new Ingrid.

Henry: [walking by on tall stilts] I never could've imagined the view from up here.

---

Principal Pixiefrog: This is all your fault, Warthog!

Adam: My fault?! You're the one who cancelled classes!

Principal Pixiefrog: Well, I never would have done all this if you hadn't opened your big mouth!

Adam: Well, you're the one who got totally out of control!

Jake: He's not the only one, buddy.

Adam and Principal Pixiefrog: [in unison] Shut up, Adam!

Mrs. Warthog: [wakes up] Is it over?

Principal Pixiefrog: It is now.

Don't Noc It 'Til You Try It / The Citronella Solution [3.10]

Jake: Run for your lives! I’ve seen “the end,” and it’s horrific!

[The students, nervously, grab something behind their backs, and got out pitchforks and torches while they start to uproariously yell. The hallway was wrecked down with several lockers facing down, while the students run out of the hallway in fear. You can see the fish tube is shattered in half, causing fish to swim away. It cuts to the school building as the students flee out from the school with pitchforks and torches.]

Mongoosed / Mellow Fellows [3.11]

Slips: Hey, dudes! This is my new bud, Carl.

Adam: Hey, Carl.

Jake: What's up?

[Slips and Carl look at each other for a second, and start laughing hysterically, and they walk inside the school]

Slips: Dude, did you see Jake and Adam when I was like, "Hey, dudes." Adam's like, "Hey, Carl."

Carl: Yeah, and Jake's all like, "What's up?"

Jake: Looks like Slips has found a new friend.

Adam: Yeah. And he's all like, "weird."

---

Carl: [raises up his hand] Coach Gills, I got a question.

Coach Gills: Yes, Carl, what is it?

Carl: Dummy says, "what?"

Coach Gills: What?

[Slips and Carl both laugh hysterically over the joke]

Carl: Dummy.

Coach Gills: Anyhow, Mr. Mandrill's going to speak to you about knowing your mortal enemies. Mortal enemies? You mean like, teachers and students?

Mr. Mandrill: Uh, not quite.

---

Slips: Sorry, Adam. That skunk-o-gram was meant for me. Carl, you diabolical scoundrel!

---

[Adam and Jake tie up both Slips and Carl to chairs as Jake rips the taped piece off of Slips' mouth, causing him to yelp in pain, and does the same to Carl, and they both growl at each other]

Adam: Knock it off, you two. Do you guys realize how ridiculous you're acting with this mortal-enemy stuff?

Slips: Well, he's a mongoose.

Carl: And he's a snake.

Both: And this is nature.

Adam: And did that mean anything to you two before Mr. Mandrill pointed it out? No! You were really good friends. Now, I'm gonna undo the ropes, and I want you both to make up and be friends again.

Slips: I won't do it!

Carl: Me neither.

Principal Pixiefrog: [hopping in] And that's just fine.

Adam: What?

Principal Pixiefrog: Mr. Lyon, your intentions, as honorable yet entirely contrary to animal nature as they might be, are completely pointless. [to Carl] Mr. Mongoose, your parents are waiting for you in my office. They're withdrawing you from our little slice of heaven and enrolling you in a private all-mongoose academy.

Carl: Why?

Principal Pixiefrog: The usual reason-- to show off their cash. Release them, Mr. Lyon.

---

Adam: After a whole day of everyone finding their natural enemies, [smiles] turns out, I don't even have one. [James walks up to him and kicks him in the shin]

---

Slips: Wait! I didn't come here today to talk about circus elephants or salted peanuts. I came here 'cause ever since my day with Mrs. Warthog ended, I felt a profound lack of purpose in my life.

Mr. Mandrill: Wow. Good self-diagnosis. Very good. Yes, yes, yes. Say, why don't you stick around and learn to be a guidance counselor, like me?

Save The Drama For Your Llama / Hornbill And Ted's Bogus Journey [3.12]

Mr. Hornbill: [to his reflection in the boys' bathroom] Okay, Cyrus. Act casual. It's no big deal. Happens to rhinos all the time. Maybe no one will even notice.

---

Ted: All right, listen up, munchkins. My name's Ted, and your names don't matter, so put your empty heads down and shut your yaps while us grown-ups talk business. [points to Donald Deer] You!

Donald: [confused] Huh?

Ted: Yes, you! Quiet down over there before I take those antlers and mount them on the wall!

[A little later in Principal Pixiefrog's office…]

Donald: [sobbing] It was horrible! He threatened to mount my antlers on a wall! He's so insensitive!

Ted: Let me give you the straight poop, swampy. I'm an oxpecker, see, and this piece of roadkill over here has obviously never seen a personality before. He must be having some sort of allergic reaction.

Principal Pixiefrog: [laughs] Well, the boy is a bit tedious, isn't he?

[Donald bawls and runs out of the office]

Mr. Hornbill: Wait, Donald! I'm-- We're terribly sorry, P.F. Uh, Ted understands if he has to go now.

Principal Pixiefrog: Nonsense. He's a fresh, new voice here at Charles Darwin Middle School.

The Frog Principal / Meet The Spidermonkeys [3.14]

Principal Pixiefrog: Kissing. You boys have any idea how dangerous this kissing business can be? Oh, I don't mean just a few welts and bruises. I'm talking about a big change that come from a seemingly innocent smooch with a lady.

Adam: Uh…don't we need permission slips for this conversation to continue?

Principal Pixiefrog: [slaps his face in frustration] Kissing is bad! You'd better off, if you just avoid it at all costs!

---

Henry: [falls to the ground, rolled up] Hey, Adam. You can hang out with me. [uncurls himself] I could you show you my superfluous toenail. No one ever sees that. [lifts up his fur, revealing an extra toenail growing on his right leg]

The Butt of the Jake / Shark Fin Soupy [3.15]

Jake: [sticks a tube in his ear and turns on the helium tank, inflating his butt] I love my butt. And soon the whole world will love my butt!

---

Phineas: [noticing a rope and sign] What's this say? [reads the sign] "Stand in circle on floor to get your collectible diecast prisons and lizards figurine." [steps into the circle; to the viewers] Well, I had this situation read all wrong. [Bull reels him in] Bull, what's the meaning of this?! You got my glasses all wet! How cliché.

Bull: Yeah?! And I'll get 'em all dry too if you don't shut your blowhole!

---

Phineas: Remember, your breathing must remain steady or the mechanism will fail. You must not, and I cannot foreshadow this enough, breathe too heavily.

Bull: [shoves him over] Out of the way, foreshadow boy!

Season 4

The Hyena and the Mighty / Oh Henry [4.1]

Mr. Hornbill: Please begin your report, Mr. Lyon.

Adam: In 1973, a 783-ton oil tanker crashed… [interrupted by Rufus' laughter; trying to concentrate] …into an iceberg, killing 1.6 million live animals… [Rufus continues laughing; furiously snapping] YOU THINK THIS IS REALLY FUNNY, HUH, RUFUS?!

---

Adam: [enraged about Rufus] I have had it with that laughing… [wipes his face] FREAK! I have never been so humiliated in my… [wipes his face again] LIFE!!

Jake: More humiliated than the time you came to school in your underwear?

Adam: [dumbfounded] I thought that was a dream.

Jake: [chuckles] No, that was real.

[Flashback to the day where Adam came and walked down the hallway in his underwear; back to present]

Adam: That was more humiliating. Anyway, back to Rufus. Rufus doesn't have any taste in comedy! My grandma has better taste in comedy! And what's up with that laugh?! [mocks Rufus' laughter] That's not a real laugh! That's a laugh of a phony! A phona-rific phony! [A sound of a toilet flushing is heard from the stall and he and Jake turn around to see a fully heartbroken Rufus, hearing everything] Hey, Rufus. You're looking pretty flushed. [chuckles nervously; Rufus suddenly bursts into tears, bawling his heart out, and runs out of the boys' bathroom] Rufus, wait!

[Rufus approaches the lockers where Windsor is putting up his books, still bawling]

Windsor: Come here, my sweet. Shh. [hugs and comforts him]

Adam: [showing up with Jake] Rufus!

Windsor: Do you guys realize what you've done? [Jake and Adam both shake their heads no] Hyenas need to laugh, to survive.

---

Adam: [grabs Rufus by the collar; irritated] LAUGH OR YOU'LL BE SORRY!

---

Principal Pixiefrog: I thought we closed down the Rube Goldberg wing. That's a lawsuit waiting to happen.

---

Adam: So, Henry, what are you crying about today?

Henry: [sadly sniffling; wipes his nose] Well, fellas, I'm feeling about as low as a legless snake.

Slips: Whoa!

Henry: [seemingly notices nobody's paying attention to him; hops onto the table] When I first came to CDMS, I didn't know if I was ever gonna fit in. I felt about as out of place as a blind jackrabbit on a zamboni.

Blind Jackrabbit: [driving by on a zamboni] I'm quite comfortable, thank you.

Henry: But thanks to you fellas, CDMS almost became my home. That's why it's gonna be so hard to go back to my old school. Ye-e-e-e-s, sir, my time here is up. So, I'm headin' back to my home in Greenland.

Adam: Henry, I didn't know you were an exchange student.

Henry: That's right. But don't be too sad when I leave.

---

Henry's Dad: I'm sure we passed that ice cap before, Helen.

Helen: Texas sure looked different in the brochures.

---

Henry: [walking by, carrying his suitcases] Well, see y'all later. I'm off like a herd of turtles to Greenland.

Adam: Did you just say "going to Greenland?"

Henry: Yes, ma'am, I did.

Adam: But we've been so nice to you. We even threw you a party. True, it showed how little we actually know about you, but still, we tried.

Henry: That's just it, y'all. I ain't used to this sort of treatment. Y'all being so nice to me, well, it's sort of freaking me out.

Adam: You mean, we've been suppressing our hostility for nothing?

Henry: Well, you see, negative attention's the way to my heart.

Adam: You want negative attention, we'll give you negative attention. GET HIM!

A Very Special Boy / Knights of the Multiplication Table [4.12]

Mrs. Warthog: Most people think I'm shallow and materialistic, but I always put my friends first.

---

Mr. Blowhole: All right, everyone, who is ready to learn? When we left off yesterday, we had discovered three other ways Gillian could have easily gotten off the island.

[Jake suddenly bursts into the classroom, through the door window, tightly hugging a marquee, and Adam barges in and closes the door behind him]

Alyosius: Intruder alert! Intruder alert!

Adam: We're goners, Jake! You know he loves that marquee! We gotta get rid of it!

Jake: I will not! We're in love.

Principal Pixiefrog: [barges in the classroom] STOP!!!

Mr. Blowhole: What's the meaning of this, Pixiefrog? I was promised complete autonomy.

Principal Pixiefrog: Mr. Spidermonkey has my marquee post!

Phineas: That monkey's always being disruptive-- usually with his butt. If only there was something I could do to stop him. If only there was a way. [starts daydreaming in a medieval world]

---

Principal Pixiefrog: These guys even daydream in nerd.

Phineas: Your Highness, we are the Knights of the Multiplication Table! We've come seeking adventure.

Spiffies: And girls.

---

Adam: ♫ The knights moved through the murky bog to see the warthog fair / The bog beast who patrols the muck will make things mighty hair…y ♫

Alyosius: AAH! You hear that?! A bog beast!

Phineas: There's no such thing as a bog beast. That's just a myth perpetuated by Adam and his stupid lute. Well, believe me, if there was a bog beast, he'd be no match for me.

[Bull rises from the bog, portrayed as a one-eyed bog beast]

Alyosius: BOG SHARKOWSKI!

Phineas: A real myth! The bog beast!

---

Alyosius: Well, the general thinking is that you take the two things there and manipulate them to propel the craft.

Marvin: Yes, yes. I do believe you're right.

Adam: You mean to tell me none of you have ever been in a boat, before?

Phineas: No, too competitive.

Daniel: Too risky.

Alyosius: I have a rowing allergy.

Nestor: Water chafes my rumpus.

Marvin: Y equals MC squared.

Adam: Daniel, you live in the water. Surely, you must know something about boats.

Daniel: Nope, I can't ride in boats because of my allergies, and I get seasick easily, which is why my mother and father can't ever take vacations, because of me.

---

Adam: ♫ The knights sailed off to flee the bog, way out into the sea / Beware the calls of sirens' songs, or dead we all shall be ♫

Marvin: [looks through his telescope and sees sirens, sitting on rocks, vocalizing] Slap my trapezoid! It's sirens! They're trying to lure us with their songs so we'll crash into the rocks! Turn, jester, turn!

Adam: [monotoned] Can't…resist. Must…speak…sporadically.

Alyosius: Sweet isosceles! We're doomed! I think I need… my siren repellent! [uses his inhaler to blow puff clouds at the sirens, causing them to retreat, diving back into the ocean]

---

Phineas: [to the viewers] Well, a boy can always dream.

Shorts

The Note

Mr. Blowhole: Is there something you'd like to share with the rest of us, Mr. Lyon?

Adam: [hides the note behind his back; smiling nervously] Uh, no.

Mr. Blowhole: What about that note behind your back?

Adam: Wha… what note?

Mr. Blowhole: No games, Mr. Lyon, I know it's there. Get up here and read it.

Adam: Yes, sir. [glares at Jake for a second, gets up from his desk, and walks to the front of the room]

Mr. Blowhole: Go ahead, Mr. Lyon.

Adam: [looks at the note, written in gibberish] I can't read this.

Mr. Blowhole: [impatiently] You've wasted enough of my time, Mr. Lyon. Now read.

Adam: Okay. [in gibberish] Gobbledy, gooberwonka, wonka slageeoobracheen.

[The class starts laughing at him]

Mr. Blowhole: [insulted] Are you mocking me with a secret language, Mr. Lyon?

Adam: No, sir, I can't read this.

Mr. Blowhole: Well, here's something you can read. [writes and gives Adam a note for detention]

Adam: [dismayed] Detention?

Mr. Blowhole: Now, back to your seat.

Adam: [remorsefully] Yes, sir.

Bullroar

Jake: Ooh! Sweet sweater, Bull. Too bad that title's already been claimed.

Bull: What are you talking about?

Jake: Well, according to him, he's number one. [points over to Henry, wearing a #1 Grandson jacket]

Bull: Oh, we'll see about this! [walks over to Henry] Armadillo! There's only room for one #1 Grandson in this school, and that one is me!

Henry: [defensively] Nobody says I ain't #1.

Bull: Well, if you're so tough, then prove it!

Henry: All right, you asked for it. [starts facing off Bull in a duel] I clip my nana's claws every night.

Bull: I floss my nana's jaws every night.

Henry: When my nana lost a bowling ball, I rolled up and let her bowl me.

Bull: I swim at her bingo every Wednesday.

Henry: Well, I lick up all her ants for her supper.

Bull: Well, I chew all her chums for her! [Henry gasps] And if it weren't chewed enough, she spits it out, and I chew it again! [Henry gets knocked out and falls to the floor on his back] Looks like you lose, Armadillo.

Henry: [sitting up] Not so fast!

Bull: And why's that?

Henry: Because every morning, I go to my nana's house. Game over.

Bull: Big deal, I go to mine every morning too!

Henry: But when you're there, do you give yours a sponge bath?

Fresh Brewed

Adam: What's with Mr. Hornbill today?

Jake: He's a bit shaky from giving up his daily cup of hot brewed swamp water.

Mr. Hornbill: No talking in class!

Adam: Sorry, Mr. Horn--

Mr. Hornbill: No apologizing! Detention!

External links

• My Gym Partner's a Monkey quotes at the Internet Movie Database