The Boss Baby

From Wikiquote
Jump to navigation Jump to search

The Boss Baby (in 103 minutes release) is a 2017 American 3D computer-animated comedy film about a baby who is a secret agent in the secret war between babies and puppies. The movie stars Alec Baldwin and narrated by Tobey Maguire.

Directed by Tom McGrath. Written by Michael McCullers, loosely based on the 2010 picture book of the same name written and illustrated by Marla Frazee.

Boss Baby[edit]

  • Fart, poop, doody!
  • Put that cookie down. Cookies are for closers.
  • I'm on a mission from above.
  • Too-da-loo, toilet head!
  • Aim for failure, and you'll always succeed not.
  • Welcome to Baby Corp!
  • Power nap! Uh, you were saying?


  • [Adult Tim narrating, about Boss Baby's presence] I had a 1,000,000 questions: who is this guy, why is he here, what's with that outfit, why's he so fat, why's he staring at me, does he know karate, what's going on? Right from the start, he was yelling at people, ordering everyone around. One thing was clear: HE WAS THE BOSS. He set up his office right smack dab in the middle of the house. He gathered meetings. Lots and lots of meetings. Even in the middle of the night. If things weren't done to his immediate satisfaction, he had a fit. He had everyone wrapped around his chubby, little finger. Everyone except me.
  • [after the tape gets run over by a car] My proof!
  • [Boss Baby: Really? Your parents are Lennon and McCartney?] No, Ted and Janice. You don't even know their names. You're just trying to steal them from me. You stole everything! You're the one who should be in jail!
  • I don't want your filthy money.
  • [voice-over while Boss Baby reads letter] Dear Boss Baby, I don't usually write very much, but now I know that memos are very important things. Even though I never went to business school, I did learn to share in kindergarten. And if there isn't enough love for the two of us, then I wanna give you all of mine. I would like to offer you a job. It will be hard work and there will be no pay. But the good news is that you can never be fired. And I promise you this. Every morning when you wake up, I will be there. Every night at dinner, I will be there. Every birthday party, every Christmas morning, I will be there. Year after year after year. We will grow old together. And you and I will always be brothers.

Francis Francis[edit]

  • And we are on schedule to release the most adorable puppy ever. We're gonna launch it at the pet convention in Las Vegas! WATCH OUT, WORLD! IT'S GONNA CRUSH THE COMPETITION!
  • That's right. We're going to launch a brand new puppy in every continent. In every country! We're going to take over the world, one heart at a time! Imagine a puppy that never grows up, never gets old. A puppy that stays a puppy... forever. I give you the only thing you'll ever love: THE FOREVER PUPPY!


  • Wake up, little halflings! It's 7 a.m. [repeated line]
  • What great adventure lies in wait for you today?
  • Arise for a nutritious breakfast! It's 7 a.m.
  • Oh, what's wrong, Timothy? Has that little dwarf made you blue?
  • Then I shall cast upon him a great curse! HE SHALL NOT PASS!!!
  • Perhaps your parents need to be enlightened.... WITH A GREAT CURSE! THEY SHALL NOT PASS!!
  • Expose his dark magic!
  • We could buy a bouncy house!
  • Godspeed, Tim! It's 8:45 a.m.
  • It's okay, little halfling. Perhaps I could be of some assistance. Blackbird singing in the dead of night! Pray, take these broken wings and learn to fly! FLY, YOU FOOLS!!
  • If only I could reach my magical shank. I could break us out of this big house.
  • Because it's 7 a.m. I have one job to do, and you make it so difficult.
  • It's okay, little halfling. Sometimes, I get confused too. Especially during daylight savings time. Spring forward, fall back. We don't even have calendars in the wizard's realm! There is no spring, only darkness and winter!


Tim: [about the baby] Look at him! He wears a suit!
Janice Templeton: I know. Isn't it cute? He's like a little man!
Tim: He carries a briefcase! Does no one else think that's... oh, I don't know... a little freaky?
Ted Templeton: Well, you carried Lam-Lam around until you were like–
Tim: This is not about Lam-Lam.

Boss Baby: There's only so much love to go around. It's like these beads. You had all your parent's love, all their time. You had all the beads, but then I came along. You see, babies take up a lot of time. They need a lot of attention. They get all the love.
Tim: We could share.
Boss Baby: You obviously didn't go to business school.

Eugene: [after Francis Francis turns back into a baby, and is asleep. Clearing his voice and speaking for the first time] This time, we'll raise him right.

Tim: What was Big Bossy Baby Lady screaming about?
Boss Baby: [stressed] She's demanding actual results. That Pet Convention is in two days AND I'VE GOT NOTHING! [phone rings] That's her! Don't answer it! [he chucks the phone into a dirty diaper bin, and Tim dodges it. Boss Baby nearly falls asleep but wakes up again] AH! STRESS NAP! [Squeezing Senor Squeaky as he paces back and forth across the room] If I don't find out what that new puppy is and fast, not only will I not get that promotion, I COULD GET FIRED!
Tim: Hey, relax. I'm sure there's other cool jobs for babies, right? [snaps his fingers; condescendingly] Meanwhile, two days go by like that. [holds up Boss Baby's briefcase] You better start packing!
Boss Baby: [enraged] WHAT?! [belligerently throws Senor Squeaky into Tim's groin]
Tim: [in agony] Ohh!
Boss Baby: [grabbing Tim by his shirt] YOU DON'T GET IT, TEMPLETON!!! If I'm fired, they'll take away my formula. I will turn into a normal baby and live here forever with you!
Tim: No!
Boss Baby: Yes, and I promise you this. Every morning you wake up, I'll be there. Shh. Every night at dinner, I'll be there. Every birthday party, I'll be there. Every Christmas, I'll BE THERE!!! Year after year after year. We will grow old together. You and I... will be brothers. Always.

Tim: You can talk!
Boss Baby: Uhh... Goo-goo ga-ga!
Tim: No! You can really talk! I heard you!
B.B.: Fine! I can talk. Now let's see if you can listen. Give me a double espresso and find a place around here with good sushi, I’d ’’kill’’ for a spicy tuna roll right about now. [gives Tim some money] Get yourself a little something!
Tim: Who are you?
B.B.: Let's just say... I'm the boss.
Tim: The boss? You're a baby. You wear a diaper.

B.B.: So that's how you want to play it, Huh. Let's see. Templeton, Timothy, middle name. [laughs] I'm sorry, Leslie?! Mostly C's.
Tim: How do you know all that?
B.B.: Can't ride a bike without training wheels. Even bears can ride a bike without training wheels… Leslie. Uh… Date of birth says you’re seven?
Tim: Seven and a half.
B.B.: [Snoring, but wakes up] Power nap! Uh… you were saying?

B.B.: [takes his foot out of his mouth] God, this is so humiliating! [it repeats on the tape]
Tim: [determined] Wait til Mom and Dad hear this. [gasps, finds Boss Baby and his infants]
B.B.: Hey, Templeton. What you got there?
Tim: [hides the tape] Uh, nothing.
B.B.: Hand over the tape.
Tim: Never! [rushes outside and finds Janice and Ted inside] Mom! Dad!
Janice: Hi, Timmy!
Ted: Hi! Anyway..
[Tim gets surrounded by Boss Baby and his infants. They are in vehicles. Jimbo rides a ball popper. Boss Baby is in a police car. The triplets are in a firetruck. Staci is in a kid's flower bike]
B.B.: [through a bullhorn] You can't get away from Johnny Law, simpleton. [the chase starts, Tim runs]
[Staci gets stuck in a sandbox, and cries]
Jimbo: Run, run, run, run, run... [crashes through a fence]
[the triplets ride in the firetruck and snatch the tape]
Tim: Hey!
[Tim finds the hose rolling out]
Triplet: Uh-oh! [Tim ties the hose to a pole and yanks it really hard, which sends the triplets and the tape flying]
Triplets: [flying through the air] WHOA!
Jimbo: [runs out of the fence] Run, run, run, run, run, run, run! [catches them and the firetruck explodes]
Tim: Whoa!
B.B.: Yes! [grabs the tape and flies in the air then comes back to the ground] Oh, yeah! [finds Tim on the police car] Let go, you little...
[scene cuts to Ted and Janice looking outside a window]
Janice: Hey, look, the kids are finally getting along.
Ted: That's nice! [Janice and Ted clink glasses together]
[Boss Baby swings Tim around, then falls onto the grass, the babies come in, Boss Baby makes a throat cutting gesture, and the babies charge]
Tim: Sayonara! [rides a rope into his treehouse, and grabs suction cup darts and a Nerf gun] You wanna play? Let's play! [uses a paper clip and swings down on a rope and shoots suction cup darts at Jimbo]
Jimbo: No! Save boss, save boss! [gets suction cup darts on him. The tape drops. Tim grabs the tape]
B.B.: Get him!
Triplets: I got him, I got him, I got him!
[Tim jumps on a trampoline into the window of the house, and Stacie and the triplets bounce on the trampoline, unable to reach the window. Staci flies into the air and gets stuck in a tree]
Tim: You're toast, baby man!
B.B: Upsies! I need upsies! [Jimbo twirls him, and Boss Baby flies into a window, breaking it.]
Ted: [comes out with a plate of cheesesticks] Who wants... [drops the plate] cheesesticks! [they look at the mess. Jimbo stands still, covered in suction cup darts. The triplets play with the broken glass. Staci is stuck in the tree. She cries.]
Woman: Oh! Oh! Oh!
Tim: Mom, Dad! I got proof! [Boss Baby runs in his walker and gets vampire teeth and bites Tim on the leg] Ah! [Boss Baby tumbles, and Tim slides down the stairs] Oh, someone can't come down the stairs? Ha!
B.B.: Nothing can stop me! [rolls down the stairs, then Tim opens the door, and he rolls outside, and Tim closes the door]
Tim: Mom, Dad! Where are you guys? Hello! Where did everybody go? [runs into the office room] Mom, Dad! The baby can talk!
B.B.: Oh, can he now? [turns to Tim in a chair]
Tim: Wait, how did you...?
B.B.: Hand over the tape, Timmy. Or Lam-Lam gets it, see? [grabs a stapler]
Tim: No!
B.B.: What's that, Lam-Lam? Oh, you want a nose ring. Well, it's really not my scene, but, who am I to judge? [staples Lam-Lam's nose]
[Tim whimpers]
B.B.: And an eyebrow ring. Seems like a bit too much, Lam-Lam! [staples Lam-Lam's eyebrow]
Tim: Ah!
B.B.: How is that going to like in a job interview?
Tim: Stop it!
B.B.: The tape, Timmy, or I'm gonna rip-rip-rip-rip-rip-rip-rip...
Tim: No! [grabs Lam-Lam and they tug at her] Let go!
B.B.: You let go!
Tim: No. You let go!
B.B.: Give me the tape!
Tim: Give me Lam-Lam! [gasps, seeing Lam-Lam ripped, then glares at Boss Baby]
B.B.: Whoops! Too far! [Tim grunts, grabs him] Templeton, Templeton! Let’s be reasonable. Can we be reasonable, right? What are you doing?
Tim: [throws Boss Baby in a baby jumper and opens the curtains and window] You've been asking for this since you got here! [puts the jumper up on the window]
B.B: We can talk about this over a juice box!
Tim: [pulls it back to use as a slingshot] Time for juice boxes is over!
B.B: No, no, Templeton! You wouldn’t!
Tim: Say bye-bye, baby! You’re fired!
Ted: [enters the room with Janice] Tim, what are you doing?
Tim: [looks at his father] Nothing.
[Boss Baby looks at Ted, and cries. Tim lets go of the jumper, accidentally shooting the tape out the window, then it lands onto the road and gets run over by a passing car]
Tim: [horrified] My proof! [Boss Baby grins triumphantly]
Janice: Tim! [takes Boss Baby] Explain yourself!
Ted: Yes! Explain yourself!
Tim: It wasn’t me, it was the baby’s fault!
Ted: The baby’s fault?
Tim: It’s true! He can talk! They all can talk! They’re having a meeting! There’s something about puppies! It’s one big baby con-spy-racy!
Janice: Timothy Leslie Templeton!
Ted: We are very disappointed in you!
Janice: No, we're mad (than disappointed) at you!
Ted: Exactly, we're mad at you!
Tim: [heartbroken] Mad?
Ted: You need a time-out!
Janice: [correcting Ted] No, you're grounded!
Ted: Yes, grounded... for... [to Janice] 2?
Janice: 3!
Ted: 3... [to Janice] (How long?) Days?
Janice: Weeks!
Ted: Weeks! 3 weeks!
Janice: For 3... EVERS!!
Ted: (Whoa!) Janice, that's enough. (Alright?)
Tim: Grounded?
Janice: You're going to stay in this house with your baby brother until you'll learn to get along!
B.B.: [disappointed] Oh, great.
[Tim looks down in disappointment. The scene fades to a jail cell]
Adult Tim: [narrating] It was my first time behind bars. The big house. Lockup. Grounded for life. The minutes turned into hours, the hours into days. Every man has his breaking point. This was mine.

Francis: Thanks for dropping in, kids.
Tim: Francis Francis?
Francis: I see you've met my big brother, Eugene. A man of few words. [Eugene takes off his Puppy Co. Pete head and makes a growling gibberish noise] None, in fact.
Tim: Can you put your head back on, please?
B.B.: What is all this?
Francis: [takes out a Baby Corp pacifier] Surprise!
B.B.: A Baby Corp binky? Where did you get that?!!
Francis: Oh, you don't recognize me? Perhaps from my youth!
[Francis pulls a rope, separating two curtains behind him to reveal a portrait of Boss Baby's idol, Super Colossal Big Fat Boss Baby]:
B.B.: Super Colossal Big Fat Boss Baby?
Tim: Whoa. He is him? And him is you? Except older and wrinklier. [reacting to Francis sucking on the pacifier] That's not right.
B.B.: No. You were my hero! How did you end up... here?
Francis: [irritated] You know what I do to little kids who ask lots of questions about me? Eugene!
[Eugene takes a pop-up book out of his sleeve; B.B. and Tim cower, but sigh in relief after it is revealed]
Francis: [happily] I read them my story. [as Eugene sets down cookies] And... I BAKED COOKIES! Eugene, my chair.
[Eugene lowers his body to form a chair and Francis sits on his lap]
Francis: [opens the book] Now, it all started at Baby Corp a long, long time ago. I was a hotshot executive headed straight to the top. Everyone loved me. They gave me a promotion, the corner office, my very own...
B.B.: Personal potty?
Francis: Shing! (Yes.) I had it all. [sadly] But then one day, I made a terrible discovery. I was getting... old. The formula wasn't working anymore. It turns out I was lactose intolerant.
B.B.: No!
Francis: Yes! I got called to see the board of directors.
Tim: Who are the boring directors?
Francis: The biggest baby bosses of them all. I thought they loved me. But they replaced me with someone new. Someone younger.
Tim: That's horrible.
Francis: All of a sudden, she got all the love, all the attention. You know how that feels, don't you, Tim? It hurts, doesn't it? [hands a cookie to Tim]
Tim: Yeah, it does. [eats the cookie] And then what happened?
Francis: [weeping] Well... (not only was I replaced, but...) [angrily snaps] THEY FIRED ME AND TOOK AWAY MY SPECIAL FORMULA, THEN THEY SENT ME DOWN TO LIVE WITH A... [stuttering] FAMILY!
B.B.: Oh, Francis, no!
Francis: BABY CORP BETRAYED ME, AND I'M FINALLY GOING TO GET REVENGE... WITH... [gleefully as he flips the page to reveal the new puppy] ...The Forever Puppy.
Tim: Huh?
B.B.: That's it? (That's the new puppy?)
Francis: [as he is flipping pages] No, no. Imagine a puppy that never grows up. A puppy that stays a puppy forever. Once I launch my Forever Puppies to every corner of the world, they'll be so adorable...
Imaginary Voices: How cute!
Francis: ...And no one will ever want a baby ever, ever again. The end... of Baby Corp! [does a maniacal laugh as he attempts to close the book, but the pages folded out so much that it doesn't close, so he angrily tosses it into a nearby fireplace]
B.B.: Oh, please. A puppy that never grows up? That's impossible! [After brief silence] Isn't it?
Francis: Oh, it was, until you brought me the key ingredient.
[Eugene snatches the formula from Tim's backpack]
B.B.: My secret formula.
Francis: [snatches the formula from Eugene] IT'S MINE! IT'S MINE! It's all mine.
B.B.: No!
Francis: [as he sends the formula up a capsule pipeline] You brought me the very thing I needed to destroy Baby Corp.
B.B.: No!
Francis: Yes! You walked right into my trap!
Tim: Yeah, not if we-
Francis: What? Tell? Who are you gonna tell, Tim? Your parents?
[Francis plays live surveillance footage of Ted of Janice looking for Tim and B.B.]
Janice: Where are the boys?
Ted: I told them to stay in the Puppy Zone.
Francis: I'm taking them both with me to Las Vegas. So stay out of my way. [crushes a cookie] I'd hate for them to get... terminated.
Tim: Ha! They'd never leave us alone!
Francis: Oh, really? [snaps fingers, prompting Eugene to change from his business attire to that of a Mary Poppins-like nanny] Wait until they meet Puppy Co.'s certified in-house childcare expert.
B.B. and Tim: Oh, no.

Tim: [watching Francis Francis escape on the Puppy Co. plane with his parents] They're gone.
B.B: I failed.
Tim: I would've gotten to my parents if I didn't have to go back for you!
B.B.: What? We would have been here in plenty of time if you knew how to ride a bike like a normal kid! We're never going to stop the launch on time.
Tim: Who cares? My parents are in danger.
B.B.: I care! Baby Corp is gonna go out of business.
Tim: Ugh! That's all you ever talk about. You don't know what's it like to be part of a family.
B.B.: And you don't know what it's like to have a job!
Tim: You don't know anything about hugs, or bedtime stories, or special songs!
B.B.: Oh, please. Stop acting like a baby.
Tim: You're a baby!
B.B.: [Gasps] You take that back.
Tim: My life was perfect until you showed up!
B.B.: Oh, believe me, kid. The feeling is mutual. I wish I never met you!
Tim: I WISH YOU NEVER BEEN BORN! [B.B. is shocked by Tim's harsh words, straightens his tie and leaves] Where are you going? FINE! [singing] Blackbird singing in the dead of night, take these broken wings and learn to fly, all your life, you were only waiting for this moment to arise.

[Francis Francis activates the rocket holding the Forever Puppies and throws away the key]
Automated Female Voice: Launch initiated.
Tim: No!
Francis: Baby Corp stole all the love from me, and now I'm going to take it back from them. [to Tim] You should understand what I'm talking about! You got replaced just like me!
Tim: No! I'm nothing like you!
Francis: Bratty kid!
B.B.: Let our parents go! [correcting himself] His parents. The parents.
Tim: Yeah!
B.B.: He doesn't work for me.
Tim: We're partners. Ha!
[Tim attempts to tickle Francis Francis, but Francis is unaffected]
Francis: Ha! I'm not ticklish.
[Francis notices B.B. is gone]
Francis: Hey! Where's the baby?
B.B.: Everyone has a tickle spot!
Francis: [as B.B. tickles him in the ear] My ears! Stop it! [Tim and B.B. get past Francis; Francis angrily throws his cane at the boys] LITTLE BRATS! [The cane hits Tim and B.B. and they are dangling on a platform over a pool of formula] Nothing is going to get in the way of my vengeance. NOT YOU, NOT ANYBODY!!! BABY CORP IS THROUGH! I WIN! HA!
B.B.: WRONG! You're not supposed to end with "Ha!"
[Boss Baby's pointer becomes a pirate sword in Tim's imagination, and the setting turns into a flying pirate ship at night; Tim, Boss Baby, and Francis Francis are all wearing pirate clothes and Tim and B.B. are dangling on a plank]
Tim: That's right!
Francis: What?
B.B.: You're supposed to end with...
B.B. and Tim: AAARRGGH!
[Tim and B.B. jump back onto the ship and engage in swashbuckling action with Francis Francis.]
Tim: You're fired!
Tim: And here's your severance package!
[B.B. grabs Francis Francis by the tie and tosses him off of the ship/platform into a void. This is followed by a transition back to reality; Francis Francis actually fell into the pool of formula.]
Tim: Take that, you scurvy scallywag!
Automated Female Voice: 1 minute in counting.

[In the mid-credits scene]
Tim: [in his pirate imagination] Argh! [Janice walks in and tells Tim and Theodore it's time to go to bed]
Janice: [walks in] All right guys time for bed.
Tim: Aw, come on, Mom. Just a little longer.
Janice: Okay. [Theodore claps and laughs starting the rest of the credits]

[In the end-credits scene]
[Last lines]
Wizzie: [Alarm clock goes off] Wake up, little halflings, it's time to leave. Go and live your peasant lives. BE GONE WITH YOU!


  • Born leader
  • He means business. March 2017.
  • He's the Boss. March 2017.
  • Ruthless and Toothless!
  • Cookies are for Closers!
  • Who's the Boss?


  • Alec Baldwin as Boss Baby / Theodore "Ted" Lindsey Templeton Jr.
  • Steve Buscemi as Francis E. Francis / Super Colossal Big Fat Boss Baby
  • Nina Zoe Bakshi as Tim's Daughter/Girl/Little Girl

External links[edit]

Wikipedia has an article about: