The Cat in the Hat (film)

From Wikiquote
Jump to navigation Jump to search

The Cat in the Hat is a 2003 American comedy film, about two bored kids whose life is turned upside down when a talking cat comes to visit them.

Directed by Bo Welch. Written by Alec Berg, David Mandel, and Jeff Schaffer, loosely based on the 1957 book of the same name by Dr. Seuss.
The ultimate game of cat and house.(taglines)


Sally: Who are you?!
Cat: Who, me? Why, I'm The Cat in the Hat, there's no doubt about that. I'm a super fundiferous feline, who's here to make sure that you're... "meline"... "key lime"... "turpentine". I got nothing! I'm not so good with the rhyming, not really, no. Look, I'm a cat that can talk that should be enough for you people!
Sally: Where did you come from?
Cat: Hmm, How do I put this... When a mommy cat and a daddy cat love each other very much, they decide that...
Conrad: Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Where did you come from?
Cat: My place, what do you think?

Cat: Nice spread ya got here. Humina, humina, humina, humina! [looking at a photo] Who is this?
Conrad: That's my mom.
Cat: Awkward. Yeah. [puts the photo in his pouch] Yes, this place will do quite nicely, actually. Yeah. Although those drapes are a train wreck. [laughs then sits down] And this is the lumpiest couch I ever sat on. [begins to bounce] WHO IS THIS DREADFULLY UNCOMFORTABLE WOMAN?!
Sally: Get off her. That's our babysitter.
Cat: [sits up] What the? "Babysitter"? You don't need one of those, do ya? [picks up a hangar, then hangs a sleeping Mrs. Kwan on it, Conrad and Sally laugh] Lemme get this straight. You pay this woman to sit on babies? That's disgusting. [hangs Mrs. Kwan in the closet] I'd do it for nothing. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Fish: Stop this right now!
Conrad: Who said that?
Fish: Me! Remember, the fish? Came home in a baggy, loved me for two weeks, and then nothing.
Sally: The fish is talking.
Cat: Well, sure, he can talk. But is he saying anything? No, not really.
Fish: Hey, socks, can it! This cat should not be here. He should not be about. He should not be here when your mother is out.
Cat: C'mon, kids! Ya gonna listen to him? He drinks where he pees. [laughs]

Thing 2: Don't belittle me.
Cat: Ah, yes of course. Thing 2 would like to clarify that just because he wears the number 2 does not imply in any way that he's inferior to Thing 1.
Thing 2: And all of the above.
Cat: He says you may feel free to call him Thing A if you like. He will also accept Super Thing, Thing King, Kid Dynamite, Chocolate Thun-da or Ben.
Thing 2: [chuckles] "Ben".
[Thing 1 jabbers incoherently]
Cat: Thing 1 says he's Thing 1 for a reason and some people should just get used to it. It's a Thing thing, you wouldn't understand. [to the Things bickering] Okay, enough! You're quickly turning into one of my least favorite Things! [closes the crate after Conrad opened it] Listen, Convex, you probably don't wanna do that.
Conrad: Why not? It's just a crate.
Cat: This isn't just any old crate. It's the Transdimensional Transporterlator. It's kinda like a doorway which leads from this world to my world.
Conrad: But it says there "Made in the Philippines".
Cat: Yes, but not this Philippines. Look. Now I'm not usually a rules guy, but this is a biggie. No opening the crate. No looky, no touchy. Got it? [locks the crate]

[Conrad and Sally notice the Cat's car]
Conrad: Wow! That is so cool!
Cat: That's just the dust cover. [removes cover, exposing an unusual car] Here she is! The Super Luxurious Omnidirectional Whatchamajigger, or S-L-O-W for short.
Sally: S-L-O-W?
Cat: Yeah, SLOW. It's better than the last name we had, Super Hydraulic Instantaneous Transporter.
Conrad: Oh! You mean–
Cat: Oh! Quick to the SLOW!

Fish: Someone else should drive!
Cat: All right. You win. Concrete, you drive. [gives Conrad the wheel]
Conrad: Are you serious?
Cat: I don't know. A little voice inside of me is saying, "This is a bad idea.", but I can barely hear that little voice, because an even louder little voice is screaming, "Let the 12-year-old drive!". Now punch it.
Conrad: This is awesome!
[the Cat pukes]
Sally: I want to drive.
Cat: I think that's a great idea. [gives Sally another wheel]
Conrad: Wait, two people can't drive at the same time.
Cat: You're right. We should all drive. [gets his own wheel]

Sally: Like being in the Circus!
Cat: Yeah, but without those tortured animals or drunken clowns that have hepatitis.

Cat: Okay. Section 8, article, 93, subparagraph 834. Right by the chili stain. Heh heh. It reads "If Conrad, aka Concrete, should open the crate (and we know he will), the contract shall be null and void.". [Conrad and Sally look down in despair] "However, if Sally and Conrad should learn from their mistakes, the contract shall be reinstated.". And I think you 2 have satisfied the legal burden of learning.
Both: YEAH!!!
Cat: So there's just one last game to play. It's called "clean up the house". Kids, meet the Dynamic Industrial Renovating Tractormajigger.
Both: D-I-R-T?
Cat: That's right! [wheezing laugh]

Cat: Okay. We had some good times. We cleaned up the house. We even managed to work in an up-tempo pop tune for the soundtrack, that's important. I guess there's just one last thing to check. [he takes out his phunometer and uses it on Conrad and Sally as it reads "Just Right"] Looks like everything's in balance. [to Sally] But you're still smoking way too many cigars. [to Conrad] And you, lay off the sauce! [he puts away his phunometer]
Sally: Cat, this day has been...amazing. Thank you, Cat.
Conrad: [embraces Sally] For everything.
Cat: Conrad? Sally? Adieu. [leaves for the back door]
Sally: CAT!
Conrad: CAT!
Sally: Wait, Cat!
Conrad: Don't go!
Cat: Aw... [hears the front door] Oh!


  • The ultimate game of cat and house.
  • Don't mess with the hat.
  • The Cat is Back!
  • Cats with hats only.


External links[edit]

Wikipedia has an article about: