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The Drawn Together Movie: The Movie!

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The Drawn Together Movie: The Movie! is a 2010 adult animated direct-to-DVD American mystery comedy film based on the Comedy Central animated television series Drawn Together written and produced by original writers and executive producers Dave Jeser and Matt Silverstein and directed by Greg Franklin.

Dialogue

[edit]
[The housemates are waking up in their house]
Princess Clara: Good morning, people and Foxxy. It's a lovely day to be on a reality show.
Foxxy Love: And it's a great day to deny wettin' the bed. WHICH I DID NOT DO!
Foxxy Love: [confused] Something ain't right here. The Foxxy smells herself a mystery. [the other housemates laugh except Foxxy] What's so funny?
Spanky Ham: Come on, Foxxy. It's time to give up trying to redeem yourself.
Princess Clara: Yeah. For weeks, you've been trying to make up for botching that mystery at the amusement park.
[the scene flashes back to the amusement park where Foxxy is talking to Old Man]
Foxxy Love: [confronting Old Man] Mr. Wilkinson here denies being a supervillain. But let me ask you this, if you ain't not a supervillain, then why would you need a bulletproof face? [pulls a shotgun and shoots the Old Man in the face, while the citizens gasp. The Old Man's wife suddenly shows up]
Old Man's Wife: [Saddened at her husband's death] Oh, Henry! Hang in there, Henry. Don't give up on me, you hear? Don't you give up on me. It's not your time yet. You're a fighter, damn it! Now fight, fight!
Foxxy Love: Damn! I was 40% sure he had one of them bulletproof faces.
Wooldoor Sockbat: Foxxy, the only thing you're good at is giving head, and you managed to do the opposite!
Foxxy Love: You too Wooldoor?
[Foxxy runs away crying and Wooldoor feels sad]
Foxxy Love: What the hell is wrong with you, Wooddork?!
Wooldoor Sockbat: There is no good explanation for what I've done.
Foxxy Love: You are clearly out your fuckin' mind!
Wooldoor Sockbat: I'm sorry, I'm really...
Foxxy Love: [gasps] Did you hear that?
Wooldoor Sockbat: What?
Foxxy Love: You out your fuckin' mind? I said fuck, and they didn't beep it! Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck! [gasps] What about shit? What about c**t? What about shitc**t? [gasps again] No beeps! They ain't beeping the curse words! [to Wooldoor] Ooh! Go on, try it! Say something!
Wooldoor Sockbat: Okay. Uh, schwartza. Mud baby. Smoked Irishman. Ink face!
Foxxy Love: Nah, dummy, they never censor racism. I'm talking about words like "shitc**t".
Wooldoor Sockbat: Ooh, I could never say that. Those are bad words.
Foxxy Love: Ooh, if they ain't beeping, maybe they ain't blurring nothing. Quick, fool, whip it out!
Wooldoor Sockbat: What?
Foxxy Love: Show me your cock.
Wooldoor Sockbat: I thought you'd never ask. [unzips his pants off] Whee!
Foxxy Love: Oh, Wooldoor, you've been holding out on me!
Wooldoor Sockbat: Whoa! I've actually never seen my penis unblurred before. It's way blacker than I thought it would be.
Foxxy Love: You know what this means? I was right! There is a mystery to be solved. And I's gonna solve it. Thanks, Wooldoor.
Wooldoor Sockbat: So, little fella. let's go get you a burger. Whee!
Foxxy Love: Guys, I solved a mystery.
Princess Clara: The only mystery you've ever solved is the mystery of the empty uterus. [Everybody laughs except Foxxy]
Foxxy Love: If that's true, then how did I found out that the Drawn Together had been cancelled?
[dramatic music string]
Wooldoor Sockbat: C-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-cancelled?
Princess Clara: That's ridiculous!
Captain Hero: Girl, you crazy.
Spanky Ham: Poppycock!
Foxxy Love: Oh, really? Then why can I say, "You can all fuck my titties with your shit-covered cocks, you cum-guzzling faggots!" without being beeped?
[dramatic music string]
Spanky: Yeah! How the fuck is... Whoa! I just said "fuck!"
Captain Hero: Fuck! Oh, well, I'll be darned.
Toot Braunstein: Dick-gobbling, blood-soaked, ass-eating turd taster! Whoo-hoo! This is fun!
Ling-Ling: [in Japorean gibberish] If we not on TV anymore, then why have I been bleaching my anus?
Princess Clara: Guys, we are not cancelled. This is Foxxy we're dealing with, remember? the worst mystery solver of all time. Everytime she tries to solve a mystery, someone ends up dead.
Foxxy Love: Fuck you, Clara.
Princess Clara: Don't talk to me like that, Jemima-head! I am a princess.
Foxxy Love: Oh, yeah? Well, if you a princess, then why you got this chair in your face? [she hits Clara with a chair] Ta-dow!
[Housemates are fighting in a cloud]
Wooldoor: We can't be cancelled. We just can't. Can we? [He picks up a remote to turn the television on to go on TV guide spectrum to searching "Drawn Together" and he press a select button on a remote. TV guide is searching to confirmation] Searching. [TV Guide to confirmation it says "No search results found", which he is shocked as he dropped the remote on a floor and begins to weeping] NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!
Jew Son: Hey, after that, Jew Dad, can we play a little catch?
Jew Producer: Of course, Jew Son. Gosh, I love you. I don't know what I'd do if anything would happen to you. Oh, how emotionally invested I am in you staying safe and remaining alive, as would anyone watching us right now. [his cell phone rings] Oh, no.
Jew Wife: Don't you dare answer that! It's Shabbat!
Jew Producer: But it's work! It must be important if the boss is calling today.
Jew Wife: I don't care if it's Moses himself. Do NOT answer that!
Foxxy Love: "The Suck My Taint Show"? Let me info this. [reading] A satirical take on the world's political-socio-economic situation (and taint sucking) starring the lovably poignant Suck My Taint Girl.
Wooldoor Sockbat: We got cancelled for that.
I.S.R.A.E.L.: I.S.R.A.E.L. must kill you all.
Xandir: Wait, can't we just work something out?
I.S.R.A.E.L.: I.S.R.A.E.L. must be aggressive to survive. It's a common sense policy.
[the housemates are driving their van in the desert]
Wooldoor: Look out!
[The Road Runner appears in front of the van, which hits and kills him and crashes in the distance. Road Runner lies on the road dead, in a blood bath. Wile E. Coyote runs over to the Road Runner's dead body]
Wile E. Coyote: [His last words before his death] Without you, my life really has no meaning. [he shoots himself in the head with a prop gun, and dies]
Spanky Ham: Oh god, I was so scared. I mean, I wanted to go, "Whee, wee, wee, wee!", all the way home.
Ling-Ling: [in Japorean gibberish] Do you think Jew Producer was telling truth? That I'm not really Pikachu?
Princess Clara: Never trust a Jew producer. I'm obviously a real Disney Princess. If I weren't, why would I be so much better than all you people and Foxxy?
Foxxy Love: Maybe the Jew Producer was tellin' the truth. I mean, Clara, you may look like a Disney Princess, but how many Disney Princesses have done the things you done done?
[cut to various shots of Clara doing un-princess-like things]
Foxxy Love: And how many times you seen Josie and the Pussycats do what I doed?
[cut to various shots of Foxxy doing things not befitting of Josie and the Pussycats]
Captain Hero: Now, Foxxy, let's not jump to any conclusions here.
Foxxy Love: C'mon, Captain Hero, how many real superheroes do you know that bang corpses?
Captain Hero: I don't know. Molly, how many superheroes HAVE you been with?
[cut to various shots of Molly in sexual encounters with various superheroes, the last one in which Batman can be seen fellating Robin on a toilet]
Foxxy: In fact, ain't no real cartoon characters would do any of the things we done doed!
Toot Braunstein: Come to think of it, I don't behave anything like the real Betty Boop.
Xandir: [sighs] Please, Toot. We're trying to have a discussion here?
Spanky Ham: Yeah, really, Toot. Don't make this all about you.
Ling-Ling: [in Japorean gibberish] She always does this.
Wooldoor: This is horrible! We're cancelled and fake! Just like my child support checks.
Spanky Ham: Oh, yeah, laugh it up, Wooldoor, but I.S.R.A.E.L.'s after us! No one can hide from I.S.R.A.E.L. What are we going to do?
Foxxy Love: You heard the Jew Producer. They want us dead because we's cancelled. So if we can get Drawn Together back on the air, we can save our asses!
Xandir: [scoffs] Yeah right, Foxxy. How you plan on doing that?
Foxxy Love: I don't know yet. But we can start with that girl who stole our timeslot. The Suck My Taint Girl. She sound like she could help.
[All talking at once]
Princess Clara: Well, I'm not fake. So I'm going back to my kingdom. You're all welcome to join me. My father, the king will keep us safe from I.S.R.A.E.L.
Xandir: I do like being safe.
Ling-Ling: [in Japorean gibberish] Ling-Ling like safe too also.
Captain Hero: Molly and I always dreamed of going to Disneyworld.
Xandir: You said you'd take me to Disneyworld!
Spanky Ham: Well, like a colostomy bag, I'm on Foxxy's side. I liked being a reality TV star.
Wooldoor: Yeah! We need to get our show back. Otherwise, I'll have to go back to my old gig: exposing myself to children, and that union has THE worst health plan!
Xandir: Fine! Then I guess we are splitting up. How do we decide who gets the mystery van?
Toot Braunstein: Later, ass-bags! [She steals the van and drives off alone]
Network Head: [voiceover] My beautiful wife was taking our little girl Sasha to her first day of elementary school. They were singing something. Something pure, something innocent. Little Sasha was young and hadn't yet been burdened with the complexities and ugliness of life. But then she saw it.
Sasha: Mommy, Mommy! What is that chocolate-face girl doing to the princess?
Network Head's Wife: [gasps as she saw Drawn Together billboard, her last words before her death] No, no, no, no. Don't look at it, honey. Close your eyes! For God sakes, close your eyes!
Sasha: [Her last words before her death] Mommy! The chocolate girl is eating the princess! She's eating her face! Why is she eating her face?! MOMMY!!
[both screaming as car crashes as it falls into a dead end]
Network Head: [voiceover] My wife lost control of the car and drove off a cliff! They landed in a deadly pit of alligators! Swimming in a pit of sulfric acid! By the time I arrived, there was nothing I could do...but get...revenge..!
Princess Clara: [sighs] It's good to be home.
Rhino Guard: Hold! [Clara gasped] Who goes there?
Princess Clara: Guards, 'tis I, your Princess Clara. You may kiss my feet if you like. Oh, and once I'm inside, you can execute them.
Xandir: [shocked; stammering] Wait, what?!
Princess Clara: [laughs] Just kidding.
Rhino Guard: Do you not know that impersonating a princess is a serious offense? Punishable by death.
Princess Clara: [She slapped the rhino guard's finger] Do you not know that sucking my dick is a serious offense? Punishable by FUCK YOU! Now let us in at once or I'll have your children killed. [to the camera] Yeah, it's good to be home.
[Fanfare plays. the carriage arrives, peasants cheering. and the birds flying to pull the curtains to reveal the "Real" Princess, who walks with her father, the king has arrived]
Rhino Guard: Princess, Your Highness.
Princess Clara: What the...Who the fuck are you? [everyone gasps]
King: I am the king!
Princess Clara: The king? You are not the king. My father is the king, which makes me the princess.
Real Princess: Father, I think this peasant has gone mad with the plague... [spinning around, during which time we get to see her vagina under her dress] for everyone knows I am the true princess of the land.
Jew Producer: You don't talk much, do you, I.S.R.A.E.L.?
I.S.R.A.E.L.: I.S.R.A.E.L. talks when I.S.R.A.E.L. has something to say.
Jew Producer: Okay, just trying to pass the time here. Listen, I know you're a robot and everything, but don't you have feeling? Isn't it hard for you to destroy things that have never wronged you?
I.S.R.A.E.L.: Everyone has wronged I.S.R.A.E.L.!
Xandir: [to a crying Clara] Oh, it's okay, Clara. So we're not who we think we are. So what, right?
Princess Clara: So what? If I'm not a princess, then I'm just another beautiful virgin with real C-cups and a super-tight ass that continuously vibrates and tastes like wild berries. Who could ever love someone like that? [cries]
King: Dungeon master, make sure the guillotine is not too far back on the stage. I want the people in the front row to have to wear rain ponchos.
Princess Clara: My lord, perhaps you could see it in your heart to let me live here in your kingdom. And give me the opportunity to be the real princess I always thought I was. For I can be just as good as the officially sanctioned princesses in your kingdom. Allow me. [singing, King is impressed, and the animals gathering around at her]
Xandir: Yeah, Clara! She's doing it! It's working!...
Princess Clara: [stops singing, annoyed and angry] For fuck's sake, Xandir! I'm trying to impress the goddamn king! And I can't fucking sing if you keep flapping those [as she hitting Xandir's face with a bird] dick-sucking lips of yours!
King: [Upon seeing Clara's foul-mouthed behavior in pure anger] Guards, tomorrow, off with their heads!
Princess Clara: [Panicked, grabs the king's coat] No wait! Please!
Rhino Guardian: Release the king, vile peasant! [Preparing to cut Clara's arms]
Xandir: Hero! Do something!
Captain Hero: Oh, yes, of course. [ignoring Xandir, grabs a corpse Molly to close her eyes] Uh, you shouldn't see this, baby. I know how you are around blood and this could easily go that way.
[The Rhino guard cuts Clara's arms off]
Princess Clara: [scream as she running backwards and fall down] OH NO! OH NOOO!!!
[Rhino Guard throws Clara’s arms back into a prison after she holds it]
Captain Hero: [Clara shrieking] Oh, you totally would not have been into that.
[Clara crying in suffered]
Captain Hero: No, Molly, you're the cutest. [chuckles] No, you are.
Xandir: Watching Hero and his whorish know-it-all girl made me sick. [Confessional] I had to get Hero break up with Molly so I could have my best friend back! And I had just the plan.
Captain Hero: Psst! That guard outfit makes you look fat.
Ryan the Rhino Guard: It does? [runs off crying]
Another Rhino Guard: Oh, great! Now I'll have to deal with that all night. Ryan, wait up!
[Xandir, Hero, dead Molly, and Ling-Ling escaping from the dungeon, except Clara]
Xandir: Come on, Clara!
Princess Clara: [refuses to go] No, I have nothing to live for anymore. I'm not a princess. Now go. I'll slow them down for you. It's the only way.
Xandir: Thanks, Clara. You'll always to be a princess to me. Here.
Princess Clara: No, you keep them. They're of no use to me now.
Xandir: I'll treasure them always.
Princess Clara: Wait, Xandir. Do me one favor. Live your gay life to the fullest.
Xandir: Will do.
Princess Clara: Everyday's a gift.
Xandir: Gotcha.
Princess Clara: And find that one special person.
Xandir: Sure thing. Bye!
Princess Clara: And hold him close, and tell him with all your heart. That you can't marry him. The Bible forbids it.
Xandir: I really gotta go!
Princess Clara: [Her last words before her death] Okay, bye. Don't adopt.
[Xandir runs off and Clara stays behind and jams torches into her arm stumps, then makes a kamikaze dash into the pursuing line of guards. The guards end up killing her]
Wooldoor Sockbat: Weeeee are all together again! Wait, where's Clara?
Xandir: Oh, Clara? She's dead.
Wooldoor Sockbat: [gasp in shocked] Oh no.
Ling-Ling: [in Japorean gibberish, holding Clara's severed arms] But we have her arms.
King: Outrageous! How did you think you were going to get away with this? A foul-mouthed clone of my daughter. What if some child actually thought it was her using the word shitc**t?
Network Head: I understand. But we are taking measures.
King: We are taking measures, too. Ooh! [an eraser bomb breaks into the window, his last words before he erased] What the...? [explosion]
Suck My Taint Girl: [gasps in excited] You're all here? Hooray! [notices someone missing] Wait, where's Clara?
Foxxy Love: And so, we told Suck My Taint Girl the terrible news about Clara.
Suck My Taint Girl: What?
Foxxy Love: She took it pretty hard.
[Suck My Taint Girl bawling]
Foxxy Love: But after a long talk and respectful memorial service, [Confessional] Suck My Taint Girl agreed to take us to Make-A-Point Land, help us find the Make-A-Point wizard, get our point, get our show back on the air, hence redeeming myself for getting us all into this mess in the first place.
Suck My Taint Girl: Look, Make-A-Point Land!
Wooldoor: Where? I can't see it.
Foxxy Love: It's right over there, between Why-You-So-Bitter-About-Being-Cancelled Land and You-Had-Three-Or-Four-Seasons-You-Should-Be-Happy-With-What-You-Got-Most-Shows-Don't-Even-Get-That Land.
Ling-Ling: [in Japorean gibberish] This finally give meaning to Clara's life.
All: Amen.
Foxxy Love: Hallelujah. Your way talking. Whoo!
Spanky Ham: This doesn't seem right. I mean, maybe we don't want a point. Don't you see? If I can't fart or vomit or fill up an ice tray with the afterbirth of Foxxy's miscarriage and hand them out as ice pops to terminally-ill children on my hospital tours without making some kind of point, then maybe it's just not worth it.
Ling-Ling: [in Japorean gibberish] Maybe Spanky right. Ling-Ling rike belittling half world's population for no reason.
Captain Hero: And I don't want to let dead chicks fuck me in my mouth for social commentary. I mean, what's wrong with just doing it 'cause it makes me feel good?
Foxxy Love: And I sure do like getting pregnant for no reason. You know what? I agree with the pig.
Toot Braunstein: Thank you.
Spanky Ham: So, Mr. Make-A-Point wizard, I guess we don't want to make-a-point after all. Maybe, that's a point.
Make-A-Point Wizard: Hmmm.
Wooldoor Sockbat: [flips out and steals the point box from them as he's holding a gun] FUCK YOU, GUYS! I need Drawn Together! Otherwise, I don't exist!
Make-A-Point Wizard: No! wait, it's a...
Wooldoor Sockbat: [He open the point box and his last words before he erased] What the...? [it's an eraser bomb which blows up and erased him from existence forever, speaking backwards. After he's gone, a silhouette of his screaming face is seen crumbling away along with one last "WHEEEE!!!" being heard blowing away in the wind]
Network Head: Because of this! [takes off his coat to reveal that he has many explosives on his stomach and chest while That's for Pure Mike Nichols song from The Kennedy Center Honors (2003) clip plays]
[I.S.R.A.E.L. screams and she runs off and jumps out of the window]
Network Head: [His last words before his death] I have enough E-5 to destroy all of Make-A-Point Land! Looks like I'll be enjoying the Drawn Together Gang in hell! [laughs evilly]
Foxxy Love: You've gots some real weird sense of humor.
Xandir: Hero! Do something!
Captain Hero: I miss Molly! [bawling]
Suck My Taint Girl: [grunts] Tain't yours! Taint give it to me!
Jew Producer: OK, but first, give it to me!
Make-A-Point Wizard: [His last words before he erased] Don't you see? If people all over the world would just...
[Jew Producer and Suck My Taint Girl accidentally drop the detonator as it presses a button]
Suck My Taint Girl: [Her last words before she erased] Wuh-whoah.
Jew Producer: [His last words before he erased] NEXT YEAR IN JERUSALEM!!!!
[Last scene, the housemates visit the remains of the erased Drawn Together house]
Ling-Ling: [in Japorean gibberish] So, this is all that's left of the Drawn Together house.
Spanky Ham: Yeah. but at least still alive, thanks to you, Giant Who No Longer Shits Into His Mouth.
The Giant Who Shits Into His Own Mouth: It's the least I could do. I wish there was some way I could help you get back on the air.
Jew Son: I think I can help.
Xandir: Jew Son! Oh, I'm so sorry about your father.
Jew Son: It's OK. He died saving those he loved.
Spanky Ham: [coughs] Fag.
Captain Hero: [coughs] Jew's a homo.
Jew Son: And now that he's gone, I'm taking over the family business.
Ling-Ling: [in Japorean gibberish, his last words before he erased] Really?! Can you give us our show back?
Jew Son: Uh, I don't think so, but I do have a surprise for you.
Foxxy Love: [gasped in excited] Papa?
Jew Son: Even better! I pulled some Jew strings. And I think I can get you. A Direct-to-DVD movie!
Foxxy Love: [gasped in excited, Her last words before she erased] For real-real, not for play-play?
Jew Son: [his last words before he erased] Yes, Foxxy, for real-real, not for play-play.
[Housemates cheering in thrilled]
Captain Hero: Well, no offense to you guys, but I don't want to be in a Direct-to-DVD movie if it doesn't have a happy ending.
Xandir: [his last words before he erased] Hero! Look what I found! [Ling-Ling found dead Molly]
Captain Hero: Molly! Oh, I love it when she does that.
[I.S.R.A.E.L. flies down]
The Giant Who Shits Into His Own Mouth: Hey there, baby. how you doin'?
[I.S.R.A.E.L. laughs]
The Giant Who Shits Into His Own Mouth: [his last words before he erased] You like shitting in people's mouths, right?
[I.S.R.A.E.L. laughs]
Captain Hero: [his last words before he erased] What, Molly? Of course, I'd love to let you fuck me in my mouth, but not tonight, 'cause tonight is guys' night.
[All laughing in happily, but then Spanky accidentally steps on an eraser bomb]
Spanky Ham: [his last words before he erased] Ah, shitc**t.
[The bomb then exploded, erasing Spanky Ham, Captain Hero, Foxxy Love, Xandir, Ling-Ling, Toot Braunstein, Giant Who Shits in His Own Mouth, I.S.R.A.E.L., and Jew Son. This was how the entire movie and series ended]

Voice Cast

[edit]

Television

[edit]
Main article: Drawn Together
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Wikipedia
Wikipedia
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