The Pirates! In an Adventure with Scientists (film)
The Pirates! In an Adventure with Scientists! (released in North America and Australia as The Pirates! Band of Misfits) is a 2012 British 3-D stop-motion animated adventure comedy film about Pirate Captain, who sets out on a mission to defeat his rivals Black Bellamy and Cutlass Liz for the Pirate of the year Award. The quest takes Captain and his crew from the shores of Blood Island to the foggy streets of Victorian London.
- Directed by Peter Lord. Written by Gideon Defoe, loosely based on his book The Pirates! in an Adventure with Scientists.
- Behind every captain, there's a crew. Sure, some of you are as ugly as a sea cucumber, some of you are closer to being a chair or coat rack than a pirate, and some of you are fish I've just dressed up in a hat...
- Fire those long things that go bang!
- You're the best crew a captain could wish for!
- And that's why, in a straight fight, a shark would probably beat Dracula.
- (writing in his journal) I discovered a new species of barnacle today. I will never get a girlfriend. I am so unhappy.
- Hello, Boys. You're probably all wondering, If I'm still as deadly as I am beautiful. Well, I am.
- Peg-Leg, You pile of squid bait, Check it out, lubbers, The world's biggest diamond, That's baby's got my name on it.
- Really?, If you've got so much booty, Then how come you're still sailing that old wreck?
- Congratulations, Pirate Captain, Nobody deserves this more than you.
- And that beard of yours, it drives me, crazy.
The Surprisingly Curvaceous Pirate
- I'd take a jellyfish in the face of that man.
- Are you going to... Are you going to enter again?
- Sorry, It's just, That's my favourite bit.
- I.. HATE...PIRATES!!!
- Pity you can't eat pirate, really. But you'd probably taste of barnacles. Whereas dear little Polly here is going to be absolutely... delicious!
- [first lines]
- Servant: Admiral Collingwood!
- Queen Victoria: Well, Admiral?
- Admiral: Great news, Your Majesty! The French are defeated at last. Also the Russians, the Portuguese, the Chinese, and the Welsh.
- Queen Victoria: Then our navy rules the ocean?
- Admiral: [nervously] Almost entirely, your Majesty.
- Queen Victoria: Almost?
- [Admiral gestures weakly. British flags cover the globe, except in one tiny corner of the Caribbean.]
- Admiral: Unfortunately, just here we're still having a little trouble with [gulps] p- p-pirates.
- [Victoria looks up Very scary]
- Queen Victoria: [contained fury] What does it say on my Royal Crest, Admiral?
- [Admiral looks up sheepishly to the Royal Coat of Arms.]
- Admiral: "I hate pirates", ma'am.
- Queen Victoria: Exactly, hate them, with their idiotic shanties! And their ridiculous hats! And their endless blasted ROARING!!! I want them sunk, Admiral!! Scuppered, smashed, fed to the sharks!! Do you hear me?! I... HATE... PIRATES!!!
- [In a fury she snatches up a lethal carving knife and smashes it into the table, which then transitions to the pirate who likes sunsets and kittens slamming a dagger on the table in the ship.]
- The Pirate Who Likes Sunsets & Kittens: It's the looting.
- The Pirate With Gout: It's the cutlasses.
- The Pirate Who Likes Sunsets & Kittens: It's... the LOOTING!
- The Pirate With Gout: It's the cutlasses!
- [cut to the exterior of the ship]
- The Pirate Who Likes Sunsets & Kittens: LOOTING!!!
- The Pirate With Gout: CUTLASSES!!!
- The Pirate Who Likes Sunsets & Kittens: LOOTING!!!
- [A huge brawl in the ship starts. After a few seconds, the Pirate Captain kicks the door open and the fight stops.]
- The Pirate Who Likes Sunsets & Kittens: Sorry, captain.
- The Pirate With Gout: We were just discussing, "What's the best bit about being a pirate?"
- Pirate Captain: Oh, you were, were you?
- The Pirate Who Likes Sunsets & Kittens: I've suggested it might be the looting.
- The Pirate With Gout: Whereas I content, it's the shiny cutlasses.
- Albino Pirate: And I thought it was a chance to catch exotic diseases.
- Pirate Captain: Avast! I’m the pirate captain, and I’m here for your gold!
- Sailor: Gold? This is a plague boat, old man. I’d give my right arm for gold. [his left arm falls off] Or my left.
- Pirate Captain: Right, then, Charles. When is this science show of yours?
- Charles Darwin: A week tomorrow.
- Pirate Captain: Ahhh, confound it. You see, we could've made that with a good wind behind us, but unfortunately, there's this dirty great sea monster in the way.
- Charles Darwin: Um, I... I... I think they just add those on the maps for decoration, Captain.
- Pirate Captain: Is that a fact? Well blow me down.
- Pirate Captain: What pirates? Nobody here but us girl scouts! (Girl Guides, UK Version)
- [the crew is disguised in scout uniforms]
- Albino Pirate: I got a badge for looting
- Black Bellamy: You want to be Pirate of the Year? Do they just give it to the guy with the fattest parrot?
- Pirate Captain: She's not fat, she's just big-boned!
- Black Bellamy: She's fat, dude.
- [Polly vomits on Bellamy]
- Black Bellamy: Oh, come on!
- Pirate Captain: [looks at Darwin's house] You don't get many girls, do you?
- Bobo: No. He. Doesn't.
- Pirate Captain: Avast! I'm the pirate captain, and I'm here for your gold!
- Sailor: Gold? Afraid we don't have any gold, old man. This is a leper boat. [his arm falls off] See?
- Pirate Who Loves Sunsets and Kittens: The Pirate of the Year Awards...
- Pirate Captain: Every time I've entered, I've failed to win. So, I must have a really good chance this time!
- It's a plunderful life.
- Laugh your booty off.
- Join the crew and kick some booty.
- Prepare for a new breed of pirates.
- Let's go plundering.
- Places to pillage. People to skewer.
- Hugh Grant - Pirate Captain
- Martin Freeman - the Pirate with a Scarf/Number Two
- Imelda Staunton - Queen Victoria
- David Tennant - Charles Darwin
- Jeremy Piven - Black Bellamy
- Salma Hayek - Cutlass Liz
- Lenny Henry - Peg-Leg Hastings
- Brian Blessed - Pirate King
- Russell Tovey (UK)/Anton Yelchin (US) - Albino Pirate
- Brendan Gleeson - Pirate with Gout
- Ashley Jensen - Surprisingly Curvaceous Pirate
- Ben Whitehead (UK)/Al Roker (US) - Pirate Who Likes Sunsets and Kittens
- Mike Cooper - Admiral Collingwood
- David Schneider - Scarlett Morgan