The Royle Family
Examples of humour
Jim Royle: These underpants cost me a quid, and I've got about fifty pence worth stuck up my arse.
(It's Christmas day and Emma and her parents have been invited to the house - Jim is telling Roger about his career prospects)
Jim Royle: I've joined the dance.
Roger Kavanagh: What dance is that, Jim?
Jim Royle: The REDUNdance.
(Same episode as the one above- discussing Roger's visit to a lap-dancing club.)
Jim Royle: How much for a dance, then, Roger?
Roger Kavanagh: Ten quid.
Jim Royle (horrified): Ten quid for a dance?
Roger Kavanagh: Aye, you can't touch, either.
Jim Royle (even more horrified): Ten quid for a dance and you can't touch?!
Antony Royle: Dad, where were you when Kennedy was killed?
Jim Royle: What? Kennedy's dead?
Antony Royle: Well, you know they say everybody remembers where they were when they heard he was killed?
Jim Royle: Well, I don't remember, but I bloody bet our bloody immersion heater was on!
Antony Royle: Who's stunk that toilet out?
Barbara Royle: Who d'ya think?
Jim Royle: Well that's what it's for, isn't it, where d'you expect me to shit? You'd have something to complain about if I crapped in the kitchen.
Denise Royle: Dad! Your fly hole's all undone.
Jim Royle: Ah, the cage might be open, but the beast is asleep.
Barbara Royle: Beast, my arse.
(Dave has just changed baby David and has put his nappy in a nappy bag. Barbara has asked Antony to take it to the bins with Darren.)
Darren: Ay' Ant, Bag of Shite!
Jim Royle: It's good to talk, my arse...
Barbara (To Denise): Your Dad will go and pick Nana up on Sunday.
Jim Royle: Why can't she get the bus on her own?
Barbara: She's eighty-two.
Jim Royle: Well, then, she should know the way by now.
Norma: May God forgive you, Jim Royle, for speaking ill of the dead like that!
Jim: I wasn't talking about the dead. I was talking about you: the living bloody dead!
Anthony: Hey Denise I told Duckers about the baby, he's well made up.
Denise (shocked): Why are you telling people about my baby? Mum, will you tell him.
Barbara: Stop telling people will you Anthony.
Anthony: I only told Duckers.
Denise: Oh so Duckers knows about it before Nana.
Jim: The only bloody thing your bloody Nana's more bloody interested in is bloody Coronation bloody street than the baby.
Barbara: How many bloodys was that, Jim?
[Twiggy leaves after Sunday lunch]
Jim: One greedy scrounging get that one. Fancy coming round here for his Sunday dinner!
Dave: You asked him Jim!
Jim: I know, but I didn't think he'd say yes!