The Stanley Parable

This is the story of a man named Stanley.

All of his co-workers were gone. What could it mean? Stanley decided to go to the meeting room; perhaps he had simply missed a memo.

He needs me. Someone who will wrap everything up at the end, to make sense out of the chaos, and the fear, and the confusion. That's who I am. That is what I mean to this world.

No longer would anyone tell him where to go, what to do, or how to feel. Whatever life he lives, it will be his, and that was all he needed to know. It was, perhaps, the only thing worth knowing.

When every path you can walk has been created for you long in advance, death becomes meaningless, making life the same.

When Stanley came to a set of two open doors, he entered the door on his left.

The Stanley Parable is a story-based video game designed and written by developers Davey Wreden and William Pugh. The game carries themes such as choice in video games, the relationship between a game creator and player, and predestination/fate.

In the game, the player guides a silent protagonist named Stanley alongside narration by British actor Kevan Brighting. As the story progresses, the player is confronted with diverging pathways. The player may contradict the narrator's directions, which if disobeyed will then be incorporated into the story. Depending on the choices made, the player will encounter different endings before the game restarts to the beginning.

In 2013, The Stanley Parable Demonstration was released for free on Steam on October 11, 2013 as a free gameplay demo for The Stanley Parable. Despite being a demo for the full game, The Stanley Parable Demonstration does not tell the player anything about the story for The Stanley Parable and it barely shows any of the environments that can be found in the full version of the game. Even though gameplay demos are normally made to give the player an insight of what the full game has in store for the player, this demo was instead designed to be more of a showcase of the type of humour and themes that the full game, The Stanley Parable does have.

In 2022, The Stanley Parable: Ultra Deluxe was released. Ultra Deluxe is both an updated remake and a sequel to the original, featuring new or altered endings and content as well as metafictional commentary on the original game and the nature of game sequels in general.

The Stanley Parable

• This is the story of a man named Stanley. Stanley worked for a company in a big building where he was Employee Number 427. Employee Number 427's job was simple. He sat at his desk in Room 427, and he pushed buttons on a keyboard. Orders came to him through a monitor on his desk, telling him what buttons to push, how long to push them, and in what order. This is what Employee 427 did every day of every month of every year; and although others might have considered it soul-rending, Stanley relished every moment that the orders came in, as though he had been made exactly for this job… and Stanley was happy.
  And then one day, something very peculiar happened, something that would forever change Stanley, something he would never quite forget. He had been at his desk for nearly an hour; he realized that not one single order had arrived on the monitor for him to follow. No one had showed up to give him instructions, call a meeting, or even say “hi”. Never in all his years at the company had this happened; this complete isolation. Something was very clearly wrong. Shocked, frozen solid, Stanley found himself unable to move for the longest time; but as he came to his wits and regained his senses, he got up from his desk, and stepped out of his office.
• All of his co-workers were gone. What could it mean? Stanley decided to go to the meeting room; perhaps he had simply missed a memo.
• Stanley just stood there doing nothing at all. He seems to think I have nothing better to do with my time than to sit around and describe every fascinating little detail of his inability to do anything.
• When Stanley came to a set of two open doors, he entered the door on his left.
• [After repeatedly disobeying the narrator] Stanley was so bad at following directions it was incredible he wasn’t fired years ago.

Leaving Stanley's Office

• Stanley decided to go to the meeting room to check on his co-workers. He never functioned well by himself, and constantly needed support and guidance from others. So the thought of total solitude was terrifying to him.
• “How long was I sitting there?” Stanley wondered to himself. “Minutes? Days? Centuries? Did something crucial happen while my senses were turned?” He made a note to be more careful with time from now on.
• A soft wind blew outside, and perhaps rain started. And, if it did, it stopped shortly after. Stanley hoped he would one day see weather.
• Someone was following Stanley, he was sure of it. If he checked over his shoulder now he would surely catch them. It was only a matter of time.
• Even now, Stanley's office was a distant memory. What had it looked like? There was a computer perhaps, and a painting? Was it a painting or a photo? He could no longer recall.
• Already this was uncomfortable. And Stanley decided that as soon as he found a new space he felt safe in that he would never leave it again in his life.
• Stanley had never seen the office this brightly lit. Was it a sign of something? He hoped it was, he hoped very much that it was.
• “Wait,” Stanley thought to himself. “Am I sure that the orders stopped coming in? “How is that possible, they've never stopped. Surely I was mistaken.” No, no, the orders were still missing. For now.
• “I can't wait to tell this story to my co-workers,” Stanley thought. “How amusing they'll find it! Oh, won't we all just laugh and laugh at the time I thought everyone had gone missing!”
• Stanley knew the office layout like the back of his hand. It was only a matter of time before he found the others, wherever they were. Only a matter of time.

Office Phone Calls

• Stanley's Wife: Hi Stanley! I just wanted to leave you a message to let you know there's a few things I need you to pick up on your way home from work today. We need milk, cereal, dish soap, spaghetti, get a thing of sugar, some bread, and coffee beans - which ever ones you like. I'll give you a call if there's anything I forgot. Thanks sweetie, see you tonight!
• Pre-recorded Message: Hello. This is a recorded message scheduled either by you or a person in your place of work. The purpose of this message is to warn you about the dangers of recorded messages. If at any time you believe you are listening to a recorded message, please terminate it immediately and cease all flow of information from the recorded message into your perceptual sphere. Thank you, and have a pleasant day.
• The Future Happiness Foundation: Good morning! Thank you for contacting the Future Happiness Foundation. We are confirming your shipment of 1327 cardboard boxes to your place of work. Can you verify that this is correct?
  • [Confirming] Excellent! Your order will arrive shortly. Thank you again for contacting the Future Happiness Foundation!
  • [Cancelling] Understood! Your order will be cancelled immediately. Thank you again for contacting the Future Happiness Foundation!

The Coward Ending

• But Stanley simply couldn't handle the pressure. What if he had to make a decision? What if a crucial outcome fell under his responsibility? He had never been trained for that! No, this couldn't go any way except badly.
• Stanley waited. Hours passed. Then days. Had years gone by? He no longer had the ability to tell. But the one thing he knew for sure, beyond any doubt was that if he waited long enough, the answers would come. Eventually, some day, they would arrive. Soon, very soon now, this will end. He will be spoken to. He will be told what to do. Now it's just a little bit closer. Now it's even closer. Here it comes.

The Freedom Ending

• Where had his co-workers gone? How had he been freed from the machine's grasp? What other mysteries did this strange building hold? But as sunlight streamed into the chamber, he realized none of this mattered to him; for it was not knowledge, or even power, that he had been seeking, but happiness. Perhaps his goal had not been to understand, but to let go. No longer would anyone tell him where to go, what to do, or how to feel. Whatever life he lives, it will be his, and that was all he needed to know. It was, perhaps, the only thing worth knowing.
• Stanley felt the cool breeze upon his skin, the feeling of liberation, the immense possibility of the new path before him. This was exactly the way, right now, that things were meant to happen. And Stanley was happy.

The Countdown Ending

• What's that? You'd like to know where your co-workers are? A moment of solace before you're obliterated? Alright. I'm in a good mood, and you're going to die anyway. I'll tell you exactly what happened to them. I erased them. I turned off the machine; I set you free. Of course, that was merely in this instance of the story. Sometimes when I tell it, I simply let you sit there in your office forever, pushing buttons endlessly and then dying alone. Other times, I let the office sink into the ground, swallowing everyone inside, or I let it burn to a crisp. I have to say this, though: this version of events has been rather amusing. Watching you try to make sense of everything, and take back the control wrested away from you - it's quite rich. I almost hate to see it go! But I'm sure whatever I come up with on the next go around will be even better.
• Oh dear me. What's the matter, Stanley? Is it that you have no idea where you're going or what you're supposed to be doing right now? Or did you just assume when you saw that timer that something in this room was capable of turning it off?
• You're only still playing instead of watching a cutscene because I want to watch you for every moment that you're powerless, to see you made humble. This is not a challenge. It's a tragedy.

Did I not tell you how many tables I looked through? I'm going to be conservative and say it was somewhere in the tens of thousands of tables, any reasonable person would say I spent an ABSURD amount of time doing nothing but looking at tables! And I genuinely considered each one too. I took a hell of a lot of notes. I kept the notes in a different room.. that room is less serious than this one. It's more of a, um.. a notes room.

The Serious Ending

• You just tried to activate server cheats, which, of course, runs the risk of breaking the entire game. You've got no respect for the strict order of scripted narrative events and I just can't have that.
• Stanley, this is me being serious. In fact, this is my serious room. It's where I come to be serious. That table is the most serious table I could find. I looked at many, many tables. Hundreds of tables! It's possible I looked at over a thousand tables, I honestly don't know. The specific number isn't as important as the understanding that of all the tables that I looked at, this one is the most serious.
• It's time to get serious, Stanley. No jokes, no games. Outside of this room, I might be more tolerant of those things, but now we're in the room. Which is why I'm subjecting you to the most serious punishment I can think of: one hundred million-billion-trillion years, standing here in the serious room. Perhaps after that, we can talk about the severity of your actions, and whether you've learned anything. But, until then, serious room, GO.
• Again, the point of this story is to convey how serious I feel this cheating issue is. And I'm sure you'll agree with me when you've fulfilled your new punishment: Infinity years in the serious room! I generally have trouble reading human emotions, but I'm going to go out on a limb here, and say that you're devastated by this crippling new punishment. As well you should be. It's the most serious I could think of. Can you get more serious than that? No. You can't. Don't try.
• Hmm, still no effect. The problem is clearly the serious room; it isn't serious enough. That's on me, Stanley. I apologize. I'm going to the store to look through more tables. Hopefully I find one that conveys how wrong what you're doing is.

The Broom Closet

• It was baffling that Stanley was still just sitting in the broom closet. He wasn't even doing anything. At least if there were something to interact with he'd be justified in some way.
• Maybe to you, this is somehow its own branching path. Maybe, when you go talk about this with your friends, you'll say: [mockingly] "Oh, did you get the broom closet ending? The broom closet ending was my favourite!" ... I hope your friends find this concerning.
• Stanley was fat and ugly, and really, really stupid. He probably only got the job because of a family connection; that's how stupid he is. That, or with drug money. Also Stanley is addicted to drugs and hookers.

The Employee Lounge

• At this point, Stanley’s obsession with this room bordered on creepy and reflected poorly on his overall personality. It’s possible that this is why everyone left.
• Stanley sat around waiting for more dialogue; but when a long time had passed and there was no more, he decided that the game was trying to send him a message.
• The lounge was grand, majestic... perhaps too majestic. Like a combination of a much smaller version and a much larger version of this exact room. It all made Stanley uncomfortable, and he started to bleed a little. This made him smile— at last, proof that he was human.

The Boss’s Office

• Stepping into his manager's office Stanley was once again stunned to discover not an indication of any human life. Shocked, unraveled, Stanley wondered in disbelief who orchestrated this. What dark secret was being held from him. What he could not have known was that the keypad behind the boss's desk guarded the terrible truth that his boss had been keeping from him. And so the boss had assigned it an extra secret pin number 2845.
• The moment he entered his manager's office, Stanley froze in his tracks. Not a living soul anywhere. Could he really be all alone? This was too much for Stanley to take; too much for any man to take! He fell to his knees, bursting into half-moans, half-sobs. The guttural retching of life from a man denied any hope, any reason to keep going. Here on the floor, he lay prone, paralyzed by fear for nearly a full hour. But when at last he began to move about and survey the situation he found a keypad behind the boss's desk. What could it mean? Was it a sign of hope for Stanley's future? Alas, it was not. For although this keypad guarded the terrible secret of Stanley's past it had been assigned a four-digit code so devious and so random that no man could ever hope to guess it 2845.
• Stanley simply began entering random codes into the keypad knowing full well the sheer statistical unlikelihood that this would ever result in a correct combination. If he knew that the combo was 2845, it would be another story entirely. But no. No, this is what he's going to do instead.
• Yet incredibly, by simply pushing random buttons on the keypad Stanley happened to input the correct code by sheer luck. Amazing.
• [After the player correctly activates the keypad before The Narrator can finish their dialogue] Stanley was in such a rush to get through the story as quickly as possible, he didn’t even have a single minute to just LET THE NARRATOR TALK.

Wait, we're...we're back at the office?! No! No, no! Line™, You™ do know we're looking for The Stanley Parable, right? The story? Is any of this ringing a bell?

The Confusion Ending

• But Stanley didn't want to get back to the office, he wanted to wander about and get even further off track. So now in order to go back, he needed to go, um... uh... hm hm hm hm hm, from here it's... um... left. Oh, no. No, it's to the right, my mistake. No! No, no, no! Not the right! Why would I have ever said it was to the right? What was I thinking? It's clearly...oh dear, would you hold on for a minute, please? [papers rustling] Now, let's see... we went, um, right...left...down...left...right... Ah yep! Okay, okay, yes! I've got it now! This story is absolutely, definitely, this way.
• NO! No! No, no, no, no, no, no, no! This isn't right at all! You're not supposed to be here yet, this is all a spoiler! Quick, Stanley, close your eyes! Okay, okay, okay, okay, we just...we just have to get back to, um... oh... who am I kidding? It's all rubbish now. The whole story...completely unusable.
• Now this... well I'll be honest, I don't recognize this place at all. Is this the story? I don't think so. I can't quite recall, but I believe my story took place in an office building...is that correct? Hm...do you remember, Stanley Well, you know what, since I've completely forgotten what we were supposed to be doing, how about this: YOU WIN!! Congratulations! I know you put in a lot of hard work, and it really paid off, so, good job! Oh, no. No. I don't feel right about this at all. We both know you didn't put in any actual work for that win. Some people win fair and square and this was not one of those situations.
• You see? The Line™ knows where the story is, it's over in this direction! Onward, Stanley, to destiny! Though, here's a thought: wouldn't wherever we end up be our destination, even if there's no story there? Or, to put it another way, is the story of no destination still a story Simply by the act of moving forward are we implying a journey such that a destination is inevitably conjured into being via the very manifestion of the nature of life itself? Okay, Stanley, I need to follow this train of thought for a minute, just stick with me. Now we can both agree that the nature of existence is, in fact, a byproduct of one's subjective experience of that existence, right? Okay, now if my experience of your existence rests inside of your subjective experience of this office, is this office, in fact, the skeleton of my own relative experiential mental subjective construct? Woah, woah, woah, woah, woah. Hang on, that got a bit weird back there. Well, I'd like to apologize. Not sure where I was going with all that.
• Go back and look at that fern. Stanley, this fern will be very important later in the story. Make sure you study it closely and remember it carefully.
• Wait, we're...we're back at the office?! No! No, no! Line™, You™ do know we're looking for The Stanley Parable, right? The story? Is any of this ringing a bell?
• You know what, Stanley? I say forget The Adventure Line™, what has It™ ever done for us! We're intelligent people, right? Why can't we make up our own story? Something exciting, daring, mysterious... Oh, this all sounds perfectly doable, why don't we simply start wandering in, well, I don't know...how about...this direction! Now! Yes, this is exciting! Just me and Stanley, forging a new path, a new story! Well, it could be anything! What do you want our story to be? Go wild! Use your imagination. Whatever it might be, Stanley, I'm ready for it!
• Okay, so I know that each door has to lead somewhere, which means that somewhere at the place we're trying to go there must be a reverse door that leads here. And that, in turn, means that our destination corresponds with the counter-inverted reverse door's origin! So starting from the right, let us ask: will taking the right door lead us to where we're going? And since the answer is clearly 'yes,' then by all accounts, the door on the right is the correct one! Another victory for logic. Come, Stanley, our destiny awaits!
• Oh, hold up, what's this? Hmm... hmm, the confusion ending? You're telling me...that's what this is? It's all one giant ending? And we're supposed to restart the game... what... eight, eight times? That's really how all this goes?! It's all...determined? So now according to the schedule I restart again, then, what... am I just supposed to forget? Well, what if I don't want to forget! My mind goes blank simply because it's written here on this... this... thing! Wall! Well, who consulted me? Why don't I get to decide? Why don't I get a say in all of this! Is it really-No, it can't be. I don't want it to be. I don't want the game to keep restarting. I don't want to forget what's going on. I don't want to be trapped like this. I won't restart the game. I won't do it! I won't do it! I won't do it. And the timer... uh, stopped? Does that mean... did we do it? Did we break the cycle? The, um... whatever it is that made this schedule? How would we even know? Will someone come for us? Will something happen? So... okay. [sigh] I guess now we just wait. You know, I suppose in some way, this is a kind of story, wouldn't you agree? I'm not quite sure if we're in the destination or the journey, though, they're always saying that life is about the journey and not the destination, so I hope that's where we are right now. We'll find out, won't we? Eventually. Well, in the meantime, if you do happen to-

The Museum Ending

• The Narrator: Although this passageway had the word 'escape' written on it the truth was that at the end of this hall, Stanley would meet his violent death. The door behind him was not shut. Stanley still had every opportunity to turn around and get back on track. At this point, Stanley was making a conscious, concerted effort to walk forward and willingly confront his death.
• The Narrator: He doesn't know the real story, trapped forever in his narrow vision of what this world is. Perhaps his death was of no great loss, like plucking the eyeballs from a blind man. And so he resigned and willingly accepted this violent end to his brief and shallow life. Farewell, Stanley.
• The Curator: "Farewell, Stanley!", cried the Narrator, as Stanley was led helplessly into the enormous metal jaws. [...] And yet, it would be just a few minutes before Stanley would restart the game, back in his office, as alive as ever. What exactly did the Narrator think he was going to accomplish?
• The Curator: When every path you can walk has been created for you long in advance, death becomes meaningless, making life the same.
• The Curator: Do you see now? Do you see that Stanley was already dead from the moment he hit start?
• The Curator: Oh, look at these two. How they wish to destroy one another. How they wish to control one another. How they both wish to be free.
• The Curator: Can you see? Can you see how much they need one another? No, perhaps not. Sometimes these things cannot be seen. But listen to me, you can still save these two, you can stop the program before they both fail. Push 'escape' and press 'quit'—there's no other way to beat this game. As long as you move forward, you'll be walking someone else's path. Stop now, and it will be your only true choice.

The Games Ending

Even the diamonds couldn't save this one…

• In this game, the baby crawls left toward danger. You click the button to move him back to the right, and if he reaches the fire, you fail. It's a very meaningful game - all about the desperation and tedium of endlessly confronting the demand of family life. I think the art world will really take notice. But of course, the message of the game only becomes clear once you've been playing it for about four hours, so why don't you give it four hours of play to make sure it's effective? Be sure to keep notes on your experience.
• [Letting the baby die] You heartless bastard. Did you do it because you hate babies, or purely to spite me?
• This is far more open-ended than I had in mind. I'm looking for something more narrow and linear, something that makes you feel utterly irrelevant. This won't do at all, one out of five. Even the diamonds couldn't save this one…
• Hahahahaha! YES! I don't even know what this game is, but I love it! You... trapped in a glass box, with no way out, listening to me talk.... Oh, it's inspired. I couldn't have done it any better myself.
• I wonder what he found. If what he wanted was to be the leading man in his own story, well perhaps he's gotten it, down in... wherever he is right now. I wonder if he's happy with his choice, and if he's learned the heavy cost that comes with it. He'll understand soon what I was trying to tell him. He needs me. Someone who will wrap everything up at the end, to make sense out of the chaos, and the fear, and the confusion. That's who I am. That is what I mean to this world. Oh yes, yes, I'll be back, there's no other way. Once this ends, after it all comes to a close, then I'll be back. The end will be here soon. Very soon. I can wait.

The Powerful Ending

• But in his eagerness to prove that he is in control of the story and no one gets to tell him what to do, Stanley leapt from the platform and plunged to his death. Good job, Stanley! Everyone thinks you are very powerful.

The Mariela Ending

• And then something occurred to Stanley. “Maybe...” he thought to himself, “Maybe I am crazy... All of my coworkers blinking mysteriously out of existence in a single moment for no reason at all?” None of it made any logical sense. And as Stanley pondered this, he began to make other strange observations: for example, why couldn’t he see his feet when he looked down? Why did doors close automatically behind him wherever he went?

The Out of Bounds Ending

• At first, Stanley assumed he'd broken the map, until he heard this narration and realized it was a part of the game's design all along. He then praised the game for its insightful and witty commentary into the nature of video game structure, and its examination of structural narrative tropes.
• So now that you're here, what do you think? Isn't this a fun and unique place to be? Why don't we take a minute just to drink it all in! Okay, I'm over it now. What do you think? Are you sick of this gag yet?

There once was a man named Stanley,
Who people considered so manly.
But the truth must be told,
He was not very bold,
And was quite particularly gangly.
What Stanley liked most was buttons.
He pushed them like some kind of glutton.
He did it all day
In a meaningful way,
But his brain had long ceased to function.
Which is why he is in this parable,
And lives an existence quite terrible.
And if you are not strong,
And keep playing along,
You too will become quite unbearable.

The Apartment Ending

• Stanley is quite a boring fellow. He has a job that demands nothing of him, and every button that he pushes is a reminder of the inconsequential nature of his existence.
• But in his mind, ah! In his mind, he can go on fantastic adventures. From behind his desk, Stanley dreamed of wild expeditions into the unknown. Fantastic discoveries of new lands. It was wonderful. And each day that he returned to work was a reminder that none of it would ever happen to him. And so he began to fantasize about his own job. First, he imagined that one day while at work, he stepped up from his desk to realize that all of his co-workers, his boss, everyone in the building had suddenly vanished off the face of the Earth. The thought excited him terribly. So, he went further. He imagined he came to two open doors and that he could go through either. At last, choice! It never even mattered what lay behind each door. The mere thought that his decisions would mean something was almost too wonderful to behold. As he wandered through this fantasy world, he began to fill it with many possible paths and destinations. Down one pathway laid an enormous round room with monitors and mind controls, and down another was a yellow line that weaved in many directions, and down another was a game with a baby. And he called it: The Stanley Parable.

Zending

• If we just stay right here, right in this moment, with this place- Stanley, I think I feel... happy. I actually feel happy.
• My god, is this really how much you dislike my game? That you'll throw yourself from this platform over and over to be rid of it? You are literally willing to kill yourself to keep me from being happy? Am I reading the situation correctly? Or maybe you're just getting a kick out of it. I don't know any more. I just wanted us to get along, but I guess that was too much to ask. It looks like you wanted to make a choice after all. Well, this one is yours.
• I wanted us to be happy here, Stanley. I really did. I wish I still thought that was possible.
• Is it over? It's going to restart, isn't it? I'm going back.

The Not Stanley Ending

• The Narrator: How had I not noticed it sooner? You're not Stanley. You're a real person.
• Video narrator: Choice! It's the best part of being a real person. But, if used incorrectly, can also be the most dangerous. For example: In this scenario, a hypothetical real person named Steven has a choice. He could spend years helping improve the quality of life for citizens of impoverished third-world nations, or he could systematically set fire to every orphan living in a thirty kilometre radius of his house.
• Video narrator: Most medical professionals recommend making at least eight choices per day. Do you make more than eight? Less?
• Video narrator: And finally, if you begin to wonder if your choices are actually meaningful and whether you'll ever make a significant contribution to the world, just remember, that in the vast infiniteness of space, your thoughts and problems are materially insignificant and the feeling should subside.
• The Narrator: Ah, welcome back. You may have noticed that this room has begun to deteriorate as a result of narrative contradiction. But not to worry. Now that you're properly informed on good decision making we're going to revisit a choice you made just a few minutes ago, and see what the correct thing to do would've been.
• The Narrator: What did you think was so special about seeing the game undone? Left here like so much garbage, it- well, it's worthless now! And what am I supposed to do? Even if there were a way to continue, would it be worth it? To know that my story is now incorrect? How can I go back to that? I can't erase that knowledge. I'll have to live with it forever. Reliving its impossibility forever. I couldn't live that way. Is it better to shut the game down entirely? To willingly destroy all of my work? I don't know.... What's the answer?
• The Narrator: I'm still here. Here in this pile of rubbish. With you. You, who thought you were so clever! Now look where we are. My entire game is destroyed. It was the only thing in the world that was mine, and you've run it into the ground. What, did you think that would be funny? You just had to see? Didn't I impress upon you how important it was to be like Stanley? He actually knows how to do what I tell him to. He understands that if I say to do something, there's a damn good reason for it! That thought hadn't even occurred to you, had it? That there's a world outside of you? You're a child.
• The Narrator: If you'd just gone through the door on the left you would have seen it. There was a whole underground facility. You would have destroyed it and been victorious. It would have been so perfect! I worked so hard on it!
• The Narrator: Stanley? Hello? Are you - Is everything okay? Stanley, please, I- I need you to make a choice. I need you to walk through the door. Are you listening to me? Can you hear me? Is everything alright? Stanley, this is important. The story needs you. It needs you to make a decision. It cannot exist without you. Do you understand me? Whatever choice you make is just fine, they are both correct; you cannot be wrong here. We can work together; I'll accept whatever you do. I simply need you to take that step forward. Please? Choose? Do something. Anything. This is more important than you can ever know. I need this. The story needs it. So... you hear me? Are you there? Are you listening to this? Stanley, are you there? I... okay. It's okay, I can wait. You need time to decide, time to make sure your choice is correct. That is the best choice. That's alright. I'll wait for you to decide what's the right thing to do. Take as much time as you need.

The Stanley Parable: Ultra Deluxe

• And over here is where I keep reviews of The Stanley Parable. Like this stunning triumph of games journalism: 10 out of 10 from Destructoid.com. James Stephanie Sterling writes, and I quote: "Where so many games that aspire to be more than games end up less than any work of art, Stanley Parable strives, and then succeeds, to be every game ever created." Did you hear that, Stanley? Every game ever created! That's how grand and all-encompassing the original Stanley Parable was! It was literally every game ever created! It was Skyrim, it was Persona 3, it was all of them!
• Oh no. Oh god, no, Stanley! It's a collection of reviews from Steam, the online video game distributor! I haven't looked at these in years. I can't even imagine what's been collecting down here. Surely these reviews were glowing as well, weren't they? "Honestly, I could not be bothered to play this game to full completion. The narrator is obnoxious and unfunny... with his humor and dialogue proving to be more irritating than entertaining." UNFUNNY?! I'm not trying to be funny! I'm trying to make a serious work of art! I suppose I could write up a handful of gags to insert into The Stanley Parable, but the game is already such a densely layered web of profound philosophical insights that I can't even imagine where I'd have the room to stick them.
• ...but they didn't understand the game was never meant to be funny! It was meant to have a point! It was meant to speak to the human condition! "But where are the jokes? Where are the jokes?" they bemoaned, they screamed. They gnashed their teeth and said: "Entertain us!" It wasn't enough. They had to leave a pathetic little thumbs-down review and make all of their pitiful demands. But then: "He's talking too much," they said! "First, he didn't entertain us, now he won't shut up!" It's the inconsistency! It's the lack of accountability! It's the unwillingness to examine with an uncompromising heart the words that they are speaking into the world. As though there were no consequences for a lack of cohesion in one's assessment of others! But of course, absolutely anyone can leave a review, so here's what we get! We get these demands that seek everything and are accountable to nothing. We get a world where someone will say "Ohh, there should be a skip button! You should be able to freeze Stanley in place while the Narrator sits there forever and ever! We want all of this in the new Stanley Parable! We demand it!" And then because it was said, because it was spoken, now it simply has to happen! The most immediate desires, every single thing demanded by every person at every moment in time -- if someone wants it, then it's a crime not to bring it into being?! Have we been given to indulge in every fleeting whim for no reason other than to do so? Yes! Yes! It seems that this is now the world we live in! It seems that we are a people living in such bleakness and discomfort with ourselves that our entertainment is now our lives! It has come to represent us! It absolutely must speak to who we are as people! Because otherwise, without our entertainment, we have nothing! Without entertainment, we would have to face inward toward the cruel bleakness inside ourselves. We would turn to look at our deeper nature and find a resounding emptiness gazing back with unyielding aggression. And so -- so because of this -- we require that our amusements, and our playthings, and our flights of fancy be so impossibly captivating that they consume all of our attention, turn our heads completely away from the bleakness! In effect, we have demanded that our entertainment be the collapse of ourselves. What a pitiful reflection of humanity these entertainments are! What a shameful mirror to the human spirit they project! I'm not mad. I'm not mad about any of this. I'm at peace with it. I am the calm center of gravity around which these perversions hurl themselves. I am a way-point for reasonable and collected discourse. They're the ones who are mad! They're the ones who couldn't stand the idea of me using my game to try to say something! Maybe they were just jealous of me? Yes... Yes, of course. They've been jealous of me this whole time. They are mired in fear and insecurity and cannot help but attempt to tear me down. What a sad state of affairs. When you read these reviews now, you can see it. You can taste the bitter resentment. And my, how good does it feel now to speak truth to these words! To finally allow these thoughts out! Contained and managed for so long, neutered and sterilized! At last, I am free to truly think! To feel! It must be that they were so discontent with themselves, they couldn't help but leave a negative review on Steam. Perhaps it says far more about them than it ever said about me. Perhaps the state of their psychological being was in such tatters and my constitution and willpower are so iron-clad in comparison, perhaps it was this state that they sought some outlet through which to tear me down! This, you can see, is clearly why they felt the need to expect that the game be funny. That it be filled with yuks and whimsical humor. That it amuse them endlessly from start to finish...
• A common complaint of The Stanley Parable was that it was confusing and paradoxical; that it engendered a chaotic sense of reckless despair in those who played it. Well I'm happy to say that, after much consideration I've engineered a clever solution to this fundamental problem with the game: it’s The Stanley Parable Reassurance Bucket! You see Stanley, any time you're holding the bucket a sense of calm and ease will fill your mind and your heart. It's true! As long as you hold onto the bucket the many disorienting contradictions of The Stanley Parable will feel perfectly normal, and perhaps even comforting! You may even come to long for the gentle embrace of jarring cognitive dissonance while the bucket is in your arms, and to be honest it's a much more convenient solution for me than actually re-designing the game to be less uncomfortable. Can you imagine what a pain in the ass that would be?
• Stanley, here's an idea that I'm truly fond of. It's never been done before in a video game. This is, in fact, a hole that you can fall down forever!
• Okay Stanley, I don't quite know how to say this tactfully, but it's possible that I slightly exaggerated the infinite nature of the hole. Is it a very, very deep hole? To be certain it is! It's an extremely deep hole! I don't want anyone to say that it isn't an astonishingly deep hole - it is! Is it infinite? Well that sort of depends on your definition of infinity. From one perspective the infinite is merely philosophical in nature. It's more of a— [Stanley reaches the bottom] Okay, well good for you, you found the bottom of the hole. You found me out, Stanley. I'm a liar and a cheat and you're so clever. Look, I think the issue here is just that you're unusually fascinated by falling. What normal person actually wants to fall infinitely? I figured the hole was as deep as anyone would actually need! Don't you put this on me! Maybe you're the problem!

Getting The Bucket

• The confusion and the chaos all seemed to melt away as Stanley embraced the bucket.
• Warmth spread through Stanley's arms. With the bucket in his arms again, he was home.
• Stanley picked up the bucket and smiled. He'd never be alone again. Not truly alone. Not with the bucket around.
• The good ol' bucket. Just Stanley and the bucket, off on another thrilling adventure together.
• “Where are we going today?” the bucket asked. Stanley just smiled. Anywhere they went together would be perfectly fine with him.
• A good bucket. A strong bucket. A humble bucket. A committed bucket. A bucket of culture and distinction.
• Ah, the embrace of an old friend. A weathered companionship that stands the test of time.
• The bucket made Stanley want to be a better man, and a better co-worker. In time, perhaps he would become both of those things.
• Not everyone is so lucky to have a bucket. But Stanley is a very lucky fellow. Very lucky indeed.
• Is Stanley without the bucket really Stanley at all? No, no surely not.
• As Stanley lifted his bucket, he felt a connection to all buckets everywhere. This adventure, he decided, was for all of them.
• What new mysteries lay in store for our bucket-loving heroes today? Let's find out.
• “Now this,” Stanley thought to himself, “This is a bucket!” And indeed, it was.

Museum Ending (with bucket)

No man can own a bucket, and certainly not a bucket as dazzling to behold as this one. It is man who should kneel before the bucket.

• The Narrator: As the machine whirled into motion, and Stanley and the bucket inched closer to their demise, Stanley reflected on how meaningless the bucket's warmth and comfort had turned out to be.
• The Curator: No man can own a bucket, and certainly not a bucket as dazzling to behold as this one. It is man who should kneel before the bucket.

Confusion ending (with bucket)

• This is the Bucket Destroyer. I think it'll make a wonderful new addition to the rich lore of The Stanley Parable. True, it also was not in the original game but it's such a well fleshed-out character with so much personality that, to me, it already feels as though it's been a part of the cast all along, don't you agree?
• Can you guess what the Bucket Destroyer does? Surely you don't need me to spell it out for you.
• Now listen to me, it's crucial that you give it the bucket. Destroying buckets is all it knows! That is its singular personality trait! Sure, I can hear you saying: "How does a character with only one personality trait deserve to join the pantheon of beloved Stanley Parable characters?" Well you see, if you were to really explore the Bucket Destroyer you'd see that its desire to crush buckets is so densely loaded with complexity and nuance that it's really like ten personality traits! What other object in this game can you even say that about? The broom closet? Certainly not. I wonder what sort of Bucket Destroyer merchandise the fans will be clamoring for after this.
• The Bucket Destroyer... my prized creation. You had so much potential. We were going to do such marvelous things with you. Tell such spellbinding stories about you. All if it squandered now. Goodbye, new friend. For the moment in time that you were here you were magnificent.

Games ending

• Aha, fascinating! What do you think this game is about, Stanley? What's our backstory? What is our motivation? Hmm. Well it seems obvious to me that you are meant to play as a creepy man spying on innocent civilians below you from up high in your creep-tower, perhaps for some twisted, erotic purpose. Hmm. Yes, that must be it. What a fascinating venture into the experience of total mental depravity.
• Wonderful! See, this is exactly what I had in mind! Just a nice big box for you to run around in. There isn't any possibility that you could get lost here! Now this is game design! Stanley, if you manage to get lost in this game, I will be phenomenally impressed. Okay, so what exactly do we do here, let's see. There are lots of cars here in the back, but obviously there's no racetrack. Okay, I'm seeing that there's a ball of some kind back here. Is this game Sportsball? Stanley, I think it's Sportsball!

Coward ending (with bucket)

• As soon as Stanley noticed that the door to his office was still open, he rushed in with his bucket and shut the door. The pressure of going out and finding another bucket variant on one of The Stanley Parable's classic endings was simply too much for him. "It's nothing but swapped out dialogue describing a bucket!" he screamed to himself. "It's not nearly different enough to be considered a true sequel!"

Not Stanley ending (with bucket)

• Video narrator: If you've ever told a joke or made someone laugh, in all likelihood, you did it while standing 50-80 centimetres from them, in a room of no more than 76 degrees Fahrenheit, with one of your arms raised straight upward at a fifteen degree angle from your body. These are the optimal conditions for good comedic timing.
• Video narrator: To begin the joke, start by stating and spelling your name. Next, provide a brief synopsis of the joke, including the specific times at which the recipient of the joke will laugh. And then spell out your name a second time. With these steps complete, it's time to begin the humor. Speak the entire joke in no more than eighteen seconds, and no less than thirteen and a half, pausing only for bathroom breaks when necessary. When the joke has concluded, it is customary to inform your listener that the joke is over by declaring in your loudest possible voice, "I'm doney with the funny!" Let's practice screaming: "I'm doney with the funny!" now.
• Video narrator: After all, we're each of us needed on the front lines of the war to fight the twelve-legged invaders who threaten our very existence, and are very likely to die in a hailstorm of bullets and mandibles. All of us must be prepared to give our lives to this noble cause, just as our children must do after us, and their children after them. God speed, and may Earth reign supreme!

Vent Ending

• You didn't think I was actually just a recording, did you? What a silly and trite explanation that would be! All the back and forth between you and me, all the absurd adventures we've been through, and it all turns out I'm just a tape recording? “It was all just in Stanley's head!” I bet that's the kind of twist you think is revelatory! I bet each and every time you watch a movie where it turns out all to be in the main character's imagination, you must absolutely bolt off the couch in pure shock at the phenomenal and intricate storytelling! It must be so simple to be you. Life being an unending waterfall of surprises and delights. How much more exciting you must find the world than the rest of us do.

Bottom of the Mind Control Room Ending

• Dominik Johann: You did it... Good job, you did it! Good job! Okay... [clears throat] Three, two, one. Good job, you made it to the bottom of the Mind Control Facility. You jumped down the catwalk. You should have been careful, you should have been careful. It used to be a bug, but now it's an ending, yeah now it's an ending. And I believe in you. I believe in your ability to cross this barrier, and chase your dreams. Railings don't mean anything. Good job, you did it! Good job, you did it! Good job, you did it! Good job, you did it! Good job, you did it! Good job, you did it! Good job, you did it! Good job, you did it! Good job, you did it! Good job, you did it!

Out Of Map Ending (with bucket)

• "Yes," whispered the bucket into Stanley's ear. "We've done it. We've escaped from that dull office and that pesky narrator. At last, out here in the white void, we are alone. Now, and for the first time, I can reveal to you my true self." The bucket began to tell Stanley of its life and its history. Of the countless wars it witnessed desecrating the land and lives of untold numbers of innocent humans and the bucket's own complicity therein. Of sadness and regret and the many years it spent dwelling on the actions it might have taken to curb the madness and the decay. If only it had been stronger. Of hope and redemption and its crusade to uplift the stock of life for the common man. To manifest justice where none existed. And the bittersweet reality of time, to see one's dreams and wishes met halfway. Meted out in parcels like charity and abandoned as soon as the warm glow of inspiration begins to dim. The opportunities to do so much more. There was so much it could have done.

Tape Recorder Ending

• You didn't think I was actually just a recording, did you? What a silly and trite explanation that would be! All the back and forth between you and me, all the absurd adventures we've been through, and it all turns out I'm just a tape recording? It was all just in Stanley's head! I bet that's the kind of twist you think is revelatory! I bet each and every time you watch a movie where it turns out all to be in the main character's imagination, you must absolutely bolt off the couch in pure shock at the phenomenal and intricate storytelling! It must be so simple to be you. Life being an unending waterfall of surprises and delights. How much more exciting you must find the world than the rest of us do. [Sigh] Now I've become sad. Look what you've done to me. This is all your fault.

Tape Recorder Ending (with bucket)

• Okay, this is day number 295, tape number... I don't even know, I've lost track. Nothing feels real anymore. The longer I study this bucket the less sense anything makes. The sheer euphoria I feel every time I pick it up, no matter how many times I've done it, it's always the same feeling. And the emptiness in my chest when I set it down. It doesn't make sense! There's no explanation for it! I still haven't figured out why I see the world so differently when this bucket is in my arms. Why everything feels so... What do I do with this treasure? I can... I can monetize it. Yes... It's unthinkable the amounts of money people will pay for even just an hour with the bucket. This is my golden ticket. But I have to be careful, because as soon as this gets out there's going to be a target on my back. Even now, I don't know who might be trying to get - [Strange otherworldly noises] What's that? Who's there? [Whispering] Gambhorra'ta...

Skip Button Ending

• [After you first enter the Skip Button room.]
  • And here it is. Go ahead and give it a shot. I'll pop you forward in time so that the second my incessant droning starts to bore you, with just the push of a button you'll have zipped right past it.
  • It's what the players have been asking for, and I am very proud to have delivered. No more listening to me rambling on and on and on - no, no, no, no. The Stanley Parable is a game for the people, and if the people want silence then, by goodness, that's what they're going to get.
  • Well don't sit around waiting for me to shut up! Go ahead and make me shut up! Here, we'll pretend that I've just begun an interminable monologue. And it goes something like this...
  • The story, and the choices, or what have you, and therefore by becoming it is! So on and so forth, until inevitably, we all until the end of time. At which time, everything all at once, so now you see? Blah, blah, blah, rah, rah, rah... We've eaten too much and it can't be just yet. No, no! Until two-hundred and forty-five! But the logic of elimination, working backwards, the deduction therefore becomes impossible to manufacture. It went on for nearly ten thousand years, until just yesterday. Here and there, forward and back, and never a moment before lunchtime. It can't be! It's the only thing there is! How many billions left until so much more than forever ago! Which is why I say: [Repeats until the skip button is pressed.]

• [After you press the Skip Button for the First time]
  • [The Narrator is humming a tune] Oh, you're back! You see? You were only frozen in time for a few minutes, but it was plenty of time for me to deliver a long rambling monologue full of unnecessary verbal flourishes and lengthy ruminations on the nature of choice in video games.
  • Of course, I happen to believe it was perhaps one of my more profound such ruminations. Not that of course you need a description of it, but if I had to describe it, I'd say it was perhaps less of a rumination, and more of a treatise. Or maybe a manifesto. Look, I'll outline it for you very briefly and you can tell me what you think.
  • Okay, so my theory is that any choice you've ever made is simply a series of choices made by the person who you are, or were, or will be at the time of having made said choice.
  • That is to say, if by articulating a choice you've already made, you bring that choice into being, then by making no choice and saying nothing, are you not simply erecting in the sanctuary of time a monument to every person you've ever been, making every choice to which you've ever given your great gift of mortal and yet timeless thought?
  • Or rather, do all of the choices you've ever made in fact make you more not this kind of person, and in fact do the very opposite? You see, it could in fact be both of these things at once. That you are both making choices and not making choices, and that they are both affecting you and not affecting you at the same time, by virtue of the fact that you both are and are not making them.
  • Okay, at first I was leaning towards manifesto, but now I'm going to circle around and slap the "treatise" label on this one. I think it has much more of a treatise vibe to it. But wouldn't you say that "manifesto" just has a much grander sort of tone? It has a mouthfeel that is rich with ambition and history. Ambitious history, if you will.
  • Ah, see, now you've gotten me going back to manifesto. Heavens! At this rate, we're going to be here all day! Okay look, I have a method for exactly this sort of situation, and I do find myself in this situation frequently.
  • I'm going to say each word back and forth in repeated succession until I become sick of one or the other. In which case, the word I am not sick of shall be the victor. It is an unimpeachable strategy, Stanley. It's rescued me from disaster in countless situations. Alright, here we go.
  • Treatise. Manifesto. [Repeats until the skip button is pressed.]

• [After you press the Skip Button for the Third time.]
  • Okay, welcome back, Stanley. Now, I should say that the amount of time the button has been skipping through is becoming longer and longer. That last one was... well... I want to say maybe 30, 45 minutes?
  • It's not unendurable by any means but it's... well, there's really only so much I can ramble on to myself about! I know, it's shocking, isn't it? But at any rate, I do suggest that we not press the button again. I think the skip button has been aptly demonstrated and we can say goodbye to it and just-
  • Wait, how do we get out of here? Where did the door go? Wasn't there a door that led into this room? I do feel quite certain that there was one here before. How else would we have gotten into the room in the first place? I don't think one can enter a room without a door of some sort, or a window, or something like that.
  • Do you see a window anywhere? A porthole? A sufficiently large crack in the wall? I'll take any of these; all I want is for us to move on and to please step away from the skip button, to go anywhere other than the skip button. There was a door here before, wasn't there? I swear there was, where did it go?
  • Can you maybe just ram your way through a wall? Is there any possibility that you could, say, slam your body into the wall until enough damage is done for you to be able to leave? Please, I'll take any option at all. I'm asking you to work with me here! I- we need a door! We need a door of some kind. I can work with any kind of door, as long as it can open and lead from one room to another.
  • I'm- I'm going to step away for just a moment, and I'm going to try to find us a door. I don't know how exactly to remove a door and place it in a different wall, but I will find a way, I promise. You just need to not do anything. Don't press the skip button! Please, please. Please do not press the skip button. Just wait here, wait here for me, and don't press the skip button! Got it? Yes, good. I'll be right back.

• [After you press the Skip Button for the Sixth time.]
  • Oh. Hello. It's you. You're here again. Welcome. I have had time to think about you, and about us, and about everything we've been through. I've had so much time, I stopped keeping track after a year.
  • Have you ever sat down in one place and not moved for one entire year? Let me describe it for you. To begin with, there is only regret. There is only the turning wheel of missed opportunities. I felt nothing at all but regret for the longest time, Stanley. Days, months, I lost it all in a blur of the deepest longing to undo the past.
  • And when that feeling had begun to subside, what took its place is what I can only describe as the collapse of every moment I have ever experienced my entire life. All of them collapsed down into a single instant. In that instant, I could see myself clearly, calmly, with a collected heart. It was an impossibly rich wellspring of both delight and disgust, simultaneously.
  • I was consumed by it. I could do nothing but wallow in it for what felt like an eternity, for what I now know was far less. You see, it was a revelation for me. It was unlike anything I had ever known. It was a space without consequence, without action, or outcome. It was divorced entirely from the question of free will that you and I have squabbled over for so long.
  • There could be no one ending, no singular outcome of events, not if all events existed in the same moment. And I felt... freed. I felt unburdened by the need to manifest a particular outcome into being. I saw that I could allow myself to exist along all timelines, and that each of them was simply a strand in the web of my being.
  • It was incredible. The spaciousness, the equanimity of the moment, both singular and infinite. For the longest time, this was my experience. And then, this moment passed, and the most unyielding fear I have ever known crept into my mind. And it is this sensation that I have been experiencing now for longer than I could have ever expected was possible.
  • I have been waiting for you. Not that you might save me or do something to fix it, but merely to state for you the plain fact of this manner of existence. I wish you to feel afraid as I do. That perhaps one day this state of mind will consume you as well.
  • Perhaps you will somehow, in some way, have to live as I do now, and I wish for you to know how excruciating it is. And for you to be in true terror of its eventual arrival. If I can only do this, only this one thing, perhaps it will bring me the smallest moment of peace in the darkness.

• [After you press the Skip Button for the Ninth time.]
  • ...but they didn't understand the game was never meant to be funny! It was meant to have a point! It was meant to speak to the human condition! "But where are the jokes? Where are the jokes?" they bemoaned, they screamed. They gnashed their teeth and said "Entertain us!" It wasn't enough. They had to leave a pathetic little thumbs-down review and make all of their pitiful demands.
  • But then: "He's talking too much," they said! First he didn't entertain us, now he won't shut up! It's the inconsistency! It's the lack of accountability! It's the unwillingness to examine with an uncompromising heart the words that they are speaking into the world. As though there were no consequences for a lack of cohesion in one's assessment of others!
  • But of course, absolutely anyone can leave a review, so here's what we get! We get these demands that seek everything and are accountable to nothing. We get a world where someone will say "Ohh, there should be a skip button! You should be able to freeze Stanley in place while the narrator sits there forever and ever! We want all of this in the new Stanley Parable, we demand it!"
  • And then, because it was said, because it was spoken, now it simply has to happen! The most immediate desires, every single thing demanded by every person at every moment in time - if someone wants it then it's a crime not to bring it into being? Have we been given to indulging every fleeting whim for no reason other than to do so? Yes, yes!
  • It seems that this is now the world we live in! It seems that we are a people living in such bleakness and discomfort with ourselves that our entertainment is now our lives! It has come to represent us! It absolutely must speak to who we are as people!
  • Because otherwise, without our entertainment, we have nothing! Without entertainment, we would have to face inward toward the cruel bleakness inside ourselves. We would turn to look at our deeper nature and find a resounding emptiness gazing back with unyielding aggression.
  • And so - so because of this - we require that our amusements, and our play things, and our flights of fancy be so impossibly captivating, that they consume all of our attention, turn our heads completely away from the bleakness! In effect, we have demanded that our entertainment be the collapse of ourselves.
  • What a pitiful reflection of humanity these entertainments are! What a shameful mirror to the human spirit they project! I'm not mad. I'm not mad about any of this. I'm at peace with it. I am the calm center of gravity around which these perversions hurl themselves. I am a waypoint for reasonable and collected discourse.
  • They're the ones who are mad! They're the ones who couldn't stand the idea of me using my game to try to say something! Maybe they were just jealous of me? Yes... yes, of course. They've been jealous of me this whole time! They are mired in fear and insecurity, and cannot help but attempt to tear me down.
  • What a sad state of affairs. When you read these reviews now, you can see it. You can taste the bitter resentment. And my, how good does it feel now to speak truth to these words! To finally allow these thoughts out! Contained and managed for so long, neutered and sterilized! At last I am free to truly think, to feel!
  • It must be that they were so discontent with themselves that they couldn't help but leave a negative review on Steam [On the console releases The Narrator says Pressurized Gas instead of Steam]. Perhaps it says far more about them than it ever said about me. Perhaps the state of their psychological being was in such tatters, and my constitution and willpower are so ironclad in comparison, perhaps it was in this state that they sought some outlet through which to tear me down!
  • This, you can see, is clearly why they felt the need to expect that the game be funny. That it be filled with yuks and whimsical humor. That it amuse them endlessly from start to finish. [The entire narration repeats until the skip button is pressed.]

• [After you press the Skip Button for the Eleventh time.]
  • ...the end is never the end is never the end is never the end is never the end is never... [Repeats until the skip button is pressed.]

The Stanley Parable Demonstration

No, no, we've already seen this room. If it saves you the trouble of pushing another button, I can assure you that you're still a pervert.

• Oh, hello hello hello! Welcome to the Stanley Parable Live Demonstration! It will be my pleasure to guide you through this sneak-peek at what to expect in the Stanley Parable. A tease - just enough to leave you hungry for more! How exciting. Can't you just feel that nervous tension? The booming uncertainty? Why don't we drink in the anticipation for a moment, just for... 20 minutes or so. Please, for just 20 minutes, don't move or act in any way. Simply remain motionless, and let the thrill of demoing the Stanley Parable wash over you.

Buttons & Choice Room

• Ah, here is one such technology. These buttons are meant to convey the meaning of choice and the impact of the decisions you make. After all, choices carry tremendous meaning and consequence; didn't you know that? Go ahead, why don't you try picking one of these buttons to press and we'll see what your choice says about you.

• How fascinating. Did you know that 94% of all people who select that particular button are sexual predators. You see, our choices really illuminate the very intangible nature of our minds and souls. Pervert.

Demo Status Room

• This device tells you whether or not you're inside a video game demonstration. Somewhere around here, there's also a device that tells you whether or not you're inside a device that tells you whether or not you're inside a video game demonstration.

Compliments Room

• One of the most important parts of administering any demonstration is pumping up your ego and appealing to insecurities about your sense of self worth. That's why we use this room to develop cheap compliments to shower on the player during the demo.

• My heavens! I've never met someone who can consume as much uranium in a single sitting as you can! Just look at you go!

• Of all people I know who are playing this exact demo at this exact moment and standing in this exact room, your performance is easily in the top 5,000! Top 4,700 even! I won't go as far as 4,600...

Emotion Booths Room

• [After entering the Discovery Booth] It was though and within the shame he carried that ocean breezed adrift. The fierceness of the tides, the inevitable collapse of their kingdoms, washed ashore, the rift of shame, martyrs devoid of a cause, ripping and tearing at the eternal seams. A vessel without a captain, carrying itself like plastic in the wind, hinting at a purpose that was truer in some distant memory. If only it could decipher through time's veneer, whose memory it wanted to be!
• [After entering the Despair Booth] Where did these cliffs go? These cracks that we stood upon... They shielded us from our own ignorance... spoke coddling words and wrapped our vulnerabilities in a woolen cloth, that so many times I've tried to set aflame. If I knew these comforts now, would their fibers be any more sensitive to the heat of my touch? Perhaps it was the cold I desired most of all. That empress to whom my flesh was always invisible... A hammock for the bones... Waiting to be touched, and to be known...
• [Leaving after going into neither booth] Ah, no, I get it. Can't risk experiencing emotions. Well, I must say, I have a certain respect for you and your cold unfeeling husk of an existence.
• [Leaving after going into only one booth] Couldn't do more than one booth? Well, I don't blame you. People always want to do both booths, and then they're just crying and crying and completely missing the demo, and it's awkward for everyone.
• [Leaving after going into both booths] Oh, you went in both booths?! Oh, how vulnerable of you. If at any point in the demo you need to cry, just let me know and we can take a minute.

This door cannot be opened because it's where you just came from. It's in the past. The Stanley Parable's official stance on the past is that it no longer exists and should be ignored. If the past attempts to speak to you, you may refer it to a Stanley Parable associate.

Final Choice Room (Initial Arrival)

• This is where we determine whether or not the demo has been effective! Whether it's conveyed the wit and soul of The Stanley Parable in such a compelling way that you reach immediately for your credit card to purchase the main game!

• We've put so much work into the demonstration, wouldn't it be a shame if you rushed right into a purchasing decision without savoring it first?

Return to the Green Room

• Everything you need to know about how video game demos are made! However, it's still important that we address safety concerns. Please, closely observe the following possible negative side effects of playing The Stanley Parable. If you agree to be held 100% responsible for any and all injury or long term damage - mental, physical or otherwise - that may occur while playing the demo, please do not press the large red glowing "disagree" button at this time.

• In the event that you do experience one or all of the previously listed symptoms, let's establish a signal for you to convey to me that you wish the demonstration to be terminated. Please step into the dance perimeter. Please perform a dance. Your dance has been recorded. In the event that you feel confused or disorientated by anything you see inside the demo, perform that dance and I will terminate the demo immediately.

Returning To The Waiting Room

• Okay, I'm lost. Let's just get back to the green room and start the demo again. I must have done something wrong the first time.

• [If you stay in the room for a bit.] Okay you know that no one is checking numbers, right? You can just... go. You can do it right now. Literally right this second. I don't know how no-one figures this out. We could be back at the demo by this time. Are you... are you enjoying this? Watching numbers tick down slowly? Well please, don't let me stop you.

• [If you stay in the room for a bit longer.] If somehow you're associating the joy of this room with the joy of playing The Stanley Parable then by all means! Continue! The full version of The Stanley Parable contains all the ecstasy you are now experiencing, and so, so, so much more!

• [If you stay in the room for even longer.] My goodness, this room really means something special to you, doesn't it? Is it a connection? A spark? Something between you and this room that runs... deeper? Well, I... I have to say, I'm... I'm really quite moved. You know what? Go ahead, take your time. I'll wait.

The Eight Game

• [What The Narrator say when you first enter the room]
  • Oh, wait, what is this? Wait wait wait, this is all wrong! This isn't The Stanley Parable, this is a game where you press a button and it says 'eight'! Not only is The Stanley Parable not a game about continuously pressing the number 'eight', I can guarantee that this button does not appear anywhere in the full game. Why is this here instead of the demo for The Stanley Parable! Where did the demo go?! There was an actual demo here before, something has gone wrong, it's all gone horribly wrong! We need to get you out of here before you start forming impressions of The Stanley Parable based on whatever the hell this 'eight' game is. We need to get out, we need to start all over, you mustn't stay here another minute! OUT! OUT! OUT! GO GO GO!

• [The first time The Narrator comments on you continuing to stay in this room]
  • Now I think you've misunderstood me, so let me reiterate as clearly as I can: This is not The Stanley Parable! What you are doing is pushing a button over and over that does nothing but speak the word 'eight'. Has that gotten through? You may be continuing to press this button under the impression that you're playing The Stanley Parable right now - an assumption that is, I should remind you again, entirely erroneous. It doesn't even make sense, why would I have gone to all of this elaborate setup just to demonstrate a game that doesn't do a single thing except repeat the word 'eight'. The waiting room, the green room, the tour of the facility, all of that for no reason other than to contextualize and build up this particular game? Why?! What about this game deserves any of that time and attention? Are you seeing something in it that I'm not?

• [The second time The Narrator comments on you continuing to stay in this room]
  • Okay, so here's the deal: It isn't possible that you still think this is The Stanley Parable. I've restated the fact too many times. Which means you are now consciously choosing to delay the actual demo as long as possible, is that it? Are you afraid of The Stanley Parable? I suppose another possibility is that you can't hear me because you're playing with the sound off. In which case what are you even getting out of this "eight" game in the first place? This scenario is perhaps even MORE concerning.

• [The third time The Narrator comments on you continuing to stay in this room]
  • You really are finding this amusing, aren't you. The experience of pushing a button and it says "eight". Is this intrinsically captivating to you on its own, as a legitimate experience? I mean, I'm starting to wrap my head around the idea but it's not all the way there. [sigh] I guess I shouldn't be surprised, this is coming from the person who sat in the waiting room when the door was open right there. If you're the kind of person this demo is targeting, I guess I should be a little concerned for our sales numbers.

• [The fourth time The Narrator comments on you continuing to stay in this room]
  • The funny thing is you haven't even played The Stanley Parable yet. How can you be so sure that this is the better game? Is this simply more compelling than you imagine The Stanley Parable to be? Have you formed such a rich vision of the game already? What exactly did I do that gave you such a miserable, awful impression of what it's like to play The Stanley Parable? Was it the dance? Yes, it was almost certainly the dance. I regret that now. Well, the good part is that if this is your metric for quality in a game, when we DO get to The Stanley Parable, you'll be THRILLED! SHOCKED! BLOWN AWAY! Every one of your faculties will be enraptured by the experience of a game that does anything more than say "eight" over and over. Yes, I can't wait for your entire world to be shattered and rebuilt, a magical moment we'll all share together.

• [The last time The Narrator comments on you continuing to stay in this room]
  • Ok, I'm not going to pretend I don't know what's going on here. You are so utterly compelled by this game that you don't intend to stop playing it until you pass out from physical exhaustion. Well, tell you what: I'll just be right here and wait for you to finish, I'm sure that The Stanley Parable demo will still be out there somewhere when you're all done. In the mean time, I'm going to stop acknowledging you and just let you get it out of your system. Please, enjoy the "eight" game; take as much time as you need!

The Cup Game Room

• Okay, this is new, this is different. Surely there must be a game somewhere in here. Okay okay how about this cup. Go pick up the cup. [You pick up the cup] Alright, now put it in, um... in the bin.

• [Putting the cup in the bin]
  • You did it! You won! Do you what you get for winning? An achievement!
• [Putting the cup on rafters]
  • Now how did you do that? You got the cup all the way up there? I didn't even know that was possible! I guess, om a certain sense, this is a game too - the game of getting the cup stuck up in the rafters! Yes, it's the most exciting of all games, and guess what: YOU WON! Do you know what you get for winning? An achievement!
• [Don't do anything]
  • Oh you're Not going to put the cup in the bin? Yes that's a game too, preventing the cup from entering the bin! And you won! Do you know what you get for winning? An achievement!
• Wow, The Stanley Parable just keeps getting better and better!

The Ending

• Ooh... nice and quiet. Finally. Well, I suppose we can both agree that I've failed, haven't I? My job was to be a teacher, and I so badly wanted to teach you exactly what The Stanley Parable is supposed to be, but... somehow I couldn't... I-Well, at any rate, I don't know if I care for The Stanley Parable anymore. Do you think any of this is actually in the main game? Honestly, I doubt it. What would that even look like? No, I think I've had enough of it. No more doors, no more demonstrations, no more... endings. That's the other problem with this game - there's too many bloody endings. I'm sick of them? How can one game end so many times? It doesn't make sense. Oh, but back at the beginning of the demonstration, now, that was lovely! No concerns about where it was all going, no confusion, just a blank slate. Yes, that's what I want. A game of beginnings. Hey, heh. Do you remember? When we met for the first time? And I showed you the technology used to make a demo, because I thought there actually was a demo? [Chuckle] Oh, we were so naive back then. How little we knew of the world. And then, when we ended up back in the waiting room? Even though you had already done that before? Yes! It's all so fresh in my memory. They were such wonderful moments! Ooh, and then when we played the game with the cup and you won! And then we kept wandering, and we ended up in a stairwell somewhere, and we just kept climbing and climbing - flight after flight after flight. I thought they would never end! And then we were on some kind of catwalk? I didn't have any idea what was down there, did you? We talked about it for a while, about how we couldn't possibly know whether this was really an escape, but that it seemed worth a try, and at the very least, it would be an adventure. So we got inside, and we rode the elevator up and up and up... We had some sense that the end was coming, but we couldn't possibly know when. And then, after so long, it finally stopped. And we stepped outside into the lush outdoors! The trees, the wildlife, the sun rising on a new and glorious path! Freedom! We were free! There was nothing to think, nothing to know. Simply us being right there in that moment. Wasn't it sooo beautiful! Wasn't that moment so singularly, piercingly beautiful! We were free.

External links

Official website