The Witcher 2: Assassins of Kings

The Witcher 2: Assassins of Kings (Polish: Wiedźmin 2: Zabójcy królów) is a 2011, action role-playing video game developed by CD Projekt Red, based on The Witcher series of fantasy novels authored by Andrzej Sapkowski. It is a sequel to the 2007 game, The Witcher and the second main installment in The Witcher video game series.

Quotes

Plow the lilies!
- La Valette Knight

Drinking alone is as bad as shitting in company.
- Zoltan Chivay

I never jest.
- Geralt of Rivia

Im looking for a whore.
- Geralt of Rivia

Triss, stop thinking with your vagina and get a hold of yourself. The witcher will manage.
- Philippa Eilhart

Spoken like a true man, at last. Sorry, that was racist. Well said, witcher.
- Dandelion [to Geralt]

My favourite type of magic — Lesbomancy.
- Skalen Burdon [Philippa passes a rose of remembrance to Saskia through a kiss]

Life without old mates and booze is like a woman without a rump.
- Zoltan Chivay

History's like a coin that falls out of your pocket: you never know where it's gonna roll.
- Cecil Burdon

Imagine your ancestors, carved in stone. Condemnation, not pride on their bearded faces.
- Geralt of Rivia [to Cecil Burdon]

Looks like he slept in a vat full of booze. And smells like he fell out of a dwarf's arsehole.
- Kaedweni Soldier [to Geralt, of Odrin]

Uhhuhhg! A flea... has bitten a lion.
- King Henselt [stabbed to death by Roche]

Could a soldier dream of better than defeating a monarch? Or maybe you're afraid to fight? Maybe we should fly a white flag? It's so simple: Henselt will quickly set up his order here. Inns will be marked 'humans only'. Dwarves will choke in the mines. Elves will perish, hunted in the forests. Lords will slaughter peasants because they didn't bow low enough. Is that the land you want to leave to your children?
- Saskia [to her soldiers]

You're shitting bricks because Henselt is coming. Who is he? A god? No, he has arms, legs, and blood, as red as any of ours. If he dares to cross these walls, then we'll gladly spill some of it.
- Saskia

I've waited long for this meeting. You left Redania so suddenly I had no chance to give you the send-off you so richly deserved.
- Radovid V The Stern [to the captive Philippa]

Geralt of Rivia: You're vile, Loredo. I hope you and Iorveth face each other some day, and may the best rat win.
- Geralt of Rivia [to Bernard Loredo]

No tears, Boussy. One day you'll be king, and kings do not weep.
- King Foltest [to his presumed bastard, Boussy La Valette]

My knights will soon be here. You must meet them, for one day you will rule them. Boussy, go wash your face — they must not see that you wept.
- King Foltest [to Boussy and Anais]

Witcher Geralt. We meet again, who would've known? I thought cats always landed on four paws, but I see wolves sometimes do as well.
- Aryan La Valette

I'll tell you one thing, Geralt: that succubus knows true art about as well as Zoltan knows table manners.
- Dandelion

Dialogue

King Foltest: I'd give a leg for a heavy crossbow right now.

Triss Merigold: It's a dragon! I can't believe it!

King Foltest: Merigold, stop admiring it and do something!

Triss Merigold: It's not that simple!

King Foltest: Before the brute turns my army to cinders!

Vernon Roche: [to Geralt] Witcher, how do you fight something like that?

Geralt of Rivia: You don't! You run!

Vernon Roche: Some professional you are...

Geralt of Rivia: You shouldn't let them see you.

Iorveth: I know. To them, a dead elf is a good elf.

Geralt of Rivia: It's not because you're an elf, it's because you're Iorveth.

Cf. Philip Sheridan, "The only good Indians I ever saw were dead."

Vernon Roche: [to Geralt, carrying an unconscious Triss on his shoulder] We must fight our way towards Flotsam.

Triss Merigold: [regaining consciousness] Is that you, Roche? Get my hands off my ass!

Vernon Roche: [proceeding] Who did you think it was?

Triss Merigold: I'm not a sack of flour or one of your commandos. I'm a woman!

Vernon Roche: I noticed.

Triss Merigold: Ugh. I'm going to be sick...

Vernon Roche: At least I'll die holding a lovely arse!

Triss Merigold: Not mine! I'll hold the spell...

Vernon Roche: [to Geralt] Come on! Let's go!

Triss Merigold: [to Roche] Stop shaking! I need to focus!

Iorveth: You're the most noble human I know, Gwynnbleid.

Geralt of Rivia: I'm no human.

Iorveth: I'm glad you reminded me. My hatred for the species abated for a moment.

Geralt of Rivia: Maybe I'll come back when you're sober.

Cedric: You witchers live a long life. You may indeed live to see the day.

Zoltan Chivay: Sit down, Geralt, you old goat! Drinking alone is as bad as shitting in company.

Geralt of Rivia: Another time, maybe. You've been here for a while and probably know the local customs.

Zoltan Chivay: I'm no researcher, but go on, ask away.

Geralt of Rivia: Who would need a troll's head?

Zoltan Chivay: Same folks who need a bear's head- to hang on the wall, show how plucky they are. A peasant with a troll's head on his wall may raise many skirts.

Geralt of Rivia: [handing Dandelion a book] I found a volume of your poetry.

Dandelion: My love poems! Some bastard stole them recently. Probably wanted to show off to a young lass smelling of sheepskins. I really missed this book. It was like being in a brothel with no balls. I owe you one, Geralt, though I don't know quite how I'll repay you. No... Actually, I do know. Up for a shot on vodka? It's on me.

Geralt of Rivia: I've got a better idea.

Dandelion: Beer? That's fine. All the same to me.

Geralt of Rivia: I need you to do me a favor.

Dandelion: Name it. For this, I'd give you my chastity. If I still had it, of course.

Geralt of Rivia: I wouldn't be interested.

Dandelion: Don't tell me you need another poem for a noonwraith.

Geralt of Rivia: Worse.

Dandelion: Please, Geralt... Don't get me involved in another messy monster matter. I'm an artist, not...

Geralt of Rivia: That's precisely who I need to lure a succubus.

Dandelion: Are you crazy? You want to see a hoofed hag ride me to death?

[Geralt gives him a threatening look]

Dandelion: On the other hand... we all have to die of something.

Geralt of Rivia: Let's get out of here, Vernon.

Vernon Roche: Have you lost your mind?

Geralt of Rivia: [of Henselt] You wanted to kill a king, not a cockroach.

Radovid V The Stern: You're finished, Eilhart. There will be a trial, due process, everything as it should be, but know that you shall not wriggle out of this. You shall be convincted of conspiracy, treason and regicide. They'll rip your flesh from you in bits before they burn you at the stake. Throughout my childhood, I felt your cold stare on the back of my neck. When I issued orders, my subjects will search with their eyes for Philippa Eilhart's gesture of consent. The entire court at Tretogor looked on as you humiliated me. All Redania laughed behind my back. You taught me to look everyone in the eye, force them to lower their gaze. Do you remember? A king must never show weakness, uncertainity, you said. I've mastered that skill. Yet there is one I could never force to submit- you. You've one chance to shorten your suffering- admit to everything, here and now, in the ambassador's presence. Look me in the eye and repent, submit...

[Philippa turns her head to her right, refusing to look at him]

Radovid V The Stern: As you wish.

Radovid V The Stern: Torturer, put out those vile eyes.

Philippa Eilhart: You're making a grave error, Sire.

[soldiers pour acid on Philippa's eyes, blinding her]

Cf. King Lear, act 3, sc. 7, "Out, vile jelly!"

Dandelion: Can we go? I can't wait to meet his monstrous beauty.

Geralt of Rivia: Her beauty's killed several men.

Dandelion: [angry] Now you tell me?

Dethmold: [to Geralt, lying on the floor] Ahh... Arghhh! You've broken my arm! Aargh! You've broken my arm! Do you know its worth, you son of a bitch?

Vernon Roche:: Now it's worth shit, like the rest of you.

Geralt of Rivia: We have to get past the gate.

Iorveth: Piece of Lembas?

Cf. The Fellowship of the Ring (1954), "Lembas bread"

Iorveth: Vernon Roche! Special Forces Commander for the last four years. Servant of the Temerian king. Responsible for the pacification of the Mahakaman foothills. Hunter of elves, murderer of women and children. Twice decorated for valor on the field of battle...

Vernon Roche: Iorveth — a regular son of a whore.

Letho of Gulet: I have to kill you.

Geralt of Rivia: Try it. But I'm no king.

Triss Merigold: Those Nilfgaardians... that's your work?

Geralt of Rivia: They followed their leader too blindly.

Triss Merigold: You killed them all?

Geralt of Rivia: They didn't slaughter themselves.

Geralt of Rivia: The murderer outsmarted you, so I'm to rot in this dungeon.

Vernon Roche: Oh, no danger of you rotting. You'll hang.

Geralt of Rivia: Convince them otherwise.

Vernon Roche: I have no influence over the court.

Geralt of Rivia: Foltest told me a lot about you.

Vernon Roche: If not for him, I'd be a drunk or a vagrant. Foltest did more for me than my father ever did. But then my father did exactly nothing, for I never even met him.

Geralt of Rivia: [of Letho] Why do you trust him? Because he's a dh'oine who agreed to do shady work for you?

Iorveth: He did what had to be done. He proved nobody's untouchable.

Geralt of Rivia: Since when do the Scoia'tael hire professional killers to do their dirty work? A dh'oine, even. You've fallen low...

Iorveth: A hired killer, true. But in all certainty, he's no dh'oine.

Geralt of Rivia: Don't make a big deal of the race thing...

Iorveth: Yet race is the very reason we fight! We have pointed ears, yours are rounded. We are few, yet long-lived, your kind multiplies like vermin, though thankfully expires quickly...

Philippa Eilhart: We wish to rule, yes. Where is the fault in that? Everyone wants to rule. I know how to do that. Better than any other monarch in this city.

Geralt of Rivia: You can't hope to win the common folks' trust. Humans will never accept a sorceress queen.

Iorveth: Non-humans won't either, given what that old hag, Findabair, has achieved.

Philippa Eilhart: They all believe in Saskia. They all trust her. The girl is a born leader, yet she has no political instincts. She's charismatic, but not cunning, courageous, but not fierce, she is just but lacks the required cruelty...

Iorveth: She is your very opposite.

Philippa Eilhart: Perhaps... Together we would be unstoppable...

Geralt of Rivia: We're taking the child to the Temerian camp. Where she belongs.

Siegfried of Denesle: Radovid's orders are clear.

Geralt of Rivia: What if ask you to forget those orders. Bearing in mind... our past?

Siegfried of Denesle: [after meditation] I didn't see you...

Geralt of Rivia: Because we were never here.

Zoltan Chivay: Geralt? I thought it was Henselt's mob that got through the tunnels.

Geralt of Rivia: They tried.

Zoltan Chivay: Glad you knocked it out of their heads. So glad to see you! Where's Dandelion?

Geralt of Rivia: Headed west. To Oxenfurt.

Zoltan Chivay: Who'd he ploughin' cross this time?

Geralt of Rivia: Were you in Rivia when I got caught on that pitchfork?

Yarpen Zigrin: Was I... fuck, Wolf, I saw you die! I didn't see the little bastard who took you for a haystack, but I swear, it looked like you weren't going to make it. So I'm well glad you managed to lick your wounds.

Geralt of Rivia: I don't know if it taught me anything.

Yarpen Zigrin: Come on, it had to. Not many have survived their own death.

Geralt of Rivia: Zoltan claims you can arm wrestle like no one else.

Yarpen Zigrin: He's right! Did he tell you I beat him?

Geralt of Rivia: Omitted that bit, somehow.

Geralt of Rivia: Consider Skalen humbled.

Yarpen Zigrin: Always told the old fart he was shite.

Dethmold: What do you want?... I'll give you anything.

Vernon Roche: [draws knife] You can't give back what you took from me. Cutting off your balls and slitting your throat will have to do.

[cuts off Dethmold's testicles, places them in his mouth and finally slits his throat]

King Foltest: Where the hell are we headed?

Temerian Soldiers: [together] To battle!

King Foltest: What the fuck do we want?

Temerian Soldiers: [together] Victory!

King Foltest: This I like.

Mary Louisa La Valette: In better times, the King spoke to me of you. You must look me in the eyes when you answer: did you slay Foltest?

Geralt of Rivia: No.

Mary Louisa La Valette: Hmm. I suppose I must believe you. You should be glad. I'd have to gouge out those devil's eyes otherwise.

Geralt of Rivia: I am glad, Milady. I like my eyes.

Mary Louisa La Valette: Where are my children?

Geralt of Rivia: Forgive me, but I just escaped myself, and can't count myself among the well-informed.

Geralt of Rivia: [of Foltest] He laughed at pleasantries, envied those better than him. Feared those stronger, despised the weaker and killed those he hated. Those he loved, he presented them with ballistae. He was a man like any other, except he was born to be king.

Mary Louisa La Valette: True. He was a boor in a crown.

Shilard Fitz-Oesterlen: [embarrassed] My lady...

Mary Louisa La Valette: And that was the first and last honest epitaph he'll get. Once the poets start in, nothing will remain of the real Foltest.

Aryan La Valette: My nanny told me stories about you and I couldn't sleep. I especially liked the one about Renfri and her rogues. As I grew, I dreamed of facing you one day.

Geralt of Rivia: That dream will not have a happy ending. For you.

Síle de Tansarville: Letho is the king of liars and emperor of traitors! From the start he worked for the glory of the Great Sun and the White Flame Dancing on the Graves of his Foes. He lied to everyone. Me, Iorveth, your stupid little Triss... And you.

Geralt of Rivia: Got any evidence?

Síle de Tansarville: A moment ago I received a message from the Lodge's agent in Cintra. The Imperial Army is on the move. They're fording the Yaruga now. Do you think the North can defend itself in the current situation? Can you count on another miracle at Brenna?

Geralt of Rivia: I don't know... but you made it all possible and you'll answer for that. The stigma of treason is yours- for all time.

Síle de Tansarville: We shall see, for no one will leave this city alive. No one will tell this story. Philippa controls the dragon. As soon as I disappear, it will turn the city into a flaming tomb.

Geralt of Rivia: Care to tell me what it was all about?

Letho of Gulet: Hm. Kill as many rulers as we could. Lay the blame on the sorceresses. Breed chaos. Prepare the North, soften it before the invasion. And you know what's incredible? We could not have imagined more fertile soil. No matter what the war's outcome, the Northern monarchs'll accuse one another, pursue their god-given rights, seek vengeance and be at each other's throats for years to come. The North resembles a whorehouse on fire, as your friend Dandelion would say.

Saskia: [to King Henselt] What does Upper Aedirn sell for these days?

Dethmold: Fifty thousand. How much would you have demanded... lass?

Saskia: King, command your vulture to shut his beak, before I thrust his cockerel up his arse and twist so hard he'll crow until noon reverts to morning.

Geralt of Rivia: I taught Skalen a lesson.

Sheldon Skaggs: D'you beat him?

Geralt of Rivia: Heard his joints crack.

External links

Wikipedia

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The Witcher 2: Assassins of Kings