The X-Files (season 5)

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The X-Files (1993–2002, 2016–18) is an American science fiction drama television series, which is a part of The X-Files franchise, created by Chris Carter. Starring Gillian Anderson and David Duchovny as FBI agents Dana Scully and Fox Mulder, investigators of X-Files; unsolved cases involving paranormal phenomena.

Redux I [5.01]

Mulder: Level Four. That means I get to dine at the Officer's Club?

Cigarette Smoking Man: (angrily) I created Mulder!

First Elder: Agent Mulder is dead. Our FBI source confirmed it this morning. Mulder killed himself.

Cigarette Smoking Man: I never underestimated Mulder. I still don't.

Scully: The very existence of this cure would mean with certainty that I had believed in a lie from the start.

Scully: It's got to happen. Everything in my life depends on it.

Skinner: (to Scully) Yes, I am afraid. But I'm only afraid for you.

Skinner: When you compound the lies, you compound the consequences.

Scully: All lies lead to the truth.

Skinner: Silence won't save you. If you lie, I don't know if anything can.

Scully: Except the truth.

Mulder: I was depending on Scully to tell her story, to weave her tale, to make them believe the lie.

Redux II [5.02]

Skinner: Agent Mulder.. Where you going?

Mulder: I.C.U.

Skinner: You're moving pretty good for a dead man.

Mulder: I'm only half-dead.

Mulder: Please tell me you're here with severe chest pains.

Cigarette Smoking Man: I'm here tonight as a friend, Agent Mulder.

Scully: Why'd you come here if you'd already made up your mind?

Mulder: (smiling) Because I knew you'd talk me out of it if you thought I'd made a mistake.

Cigarette Smoking Man: But I've come today not to ask, but to offer. To offer you the truths that you so desperately sought - about the project, about the men who conspired to protect it...

Mulder: I know the truth.

Cigarette Smoking Man: Do you?

Mulder: I spoke to one of your men.

Cigarette Smoking Man: Do you know he's not a liar?

Mulder: I've seen enough to know he's not a liar, yeah.

Cigarette Smoking Man: You've seen but scant pieces of the whole.

Mulder: What more can you show me?

Cigarette Smoking Man: This man you spoke to - Michael Kritschgau.. He's deceived you with beautiful lies. He's told you that everything you ever believed about the existence of extraterrestrial life is untrue.

Mulder: (nods) What are you saying?

Cigarette Smoking Man: As I said, I'm offering you the chance to know the truth.

Mulder: In exchange for what?

Cigarette Smoking Man: Quit the FBI. Come work for me. You can make your problems go away.

Mulder: (pauses) No deal.

Cigarette Smoking Man: (smiles) After all I've given you?

Mulder: (in disbelief) What have- What have you given me? The claim of a cure for Scully? Is she cured? You show me my sister only to take her right back? You've given me nothing.

Cigarette Smoking Man: I intend to keep my promises. I just need something from you.

Mulder: You murdered my father. You killed Scully's sister. And if Scully dies, I will kill you. I don't care whose father you are, I will put you down.

Cigarette Smoking Man: Well you're certainly capable, so I've been told. I understand you have a hearing tomorrow, where you'll have to testify to these murderous impulses of yours. [Mulder walks away] ..When you reconsider, the offer still stands.

Bill Scully: You really believe this crap, don't you?

Mulder: Yes, I do.

Bill Scully: You see, she's your big defender, but.. I think the truth is, she just doesn't wanna disappoint you.

Mulder: Well, if it works, I don't care what you think she thinks.

Bill Scully: You're a real piece of work, you know that, Mr. Mulder?

Mulder: Why is that? Because I don't think the way you think? Because I won't just sit passively back and watch the family tragedy unfold?

Bill Scully: You're the reason for it. And I've already lost one sister to this quest you're on. Now I'm losing another. Has it been worth it? To you, I mean. Have you found what you've been looking for?

Mulder: No.

Bill Scully: "No." You know how that makes me feel?

Mulder: In a way, I think I do. I lost someone very close to me - I lost a sister.. I lost my father - all because of this thing I'm looking for.

Bill Scully: This what? Little green aliens?

Mulder: Yeah. Little green aliens.

Bill Scully: You're one sorry son of a bitch. Not a whole lot more to say.[leaves]

Mulder: (after his phone rings) One sorry son of a bitch speaking.

Mulder: Four years ago, while working on an assignment outside the FBI mainstream I was paired with Special Agent Dana Scully who I believe was sent to spy on me. To debunk my investigations into the paranormal. That Agent Scully did not follow these orders is a testament to her integrity as an investigator, a scientist, and a human being. She has paid dearly for this integrity.

Section Chief Scott Blevins: Agent Mulder, Agent Scully lied straightfaced to this panel about your death.

Mulder: She lied because I asked her to. Because I had evidence of a conspiracy, a conspiracy against the American people.

Senior Agent: We've already heard testimony to these allegations Agent Mulder.

Mulder: AND a conspiracy intended to destroy the lives of those who would reveal its true purpose. To conduct experiments on unwitting victims to further a secret agenda for someone within the government operating at levels without restraint or responsibility, without morals or conscience. Men who pretend to honor as they deceive, the price of this betrayal the lives and reputations of those deceived. Agent Scully...is lying in a hospital bed right now, diagnosed with terminal cancer. A victim of these same tests, conducted without her knowledge or consent. By these same men, who as they try to cover their tracks, who suborne and persecute the same people they have used in their plot, I will NOW call by name.

Senior Agent: Agent Mulder did you, or did you not shoot the man found dead in your apartment?

Mulder: I will answer that question, Sir.

Section Chief Scott Blevins: Did you shoot Scott Ostlehoff? Employee of the Department of Defense?

Mulder: I will answer that question, Sir.

Senior Agent: Answer the question asked, Agent Mulder!

Mulder: I will answer the question after I name the man!

Section Chief Scott Blevins: AGENT MULDER!

Mulder:I will answer that question after I name the man who's responsible for Agent Scully! The same man who directed that my apartment be surveilled by the DoD. A man I want to see prosecuted for his crimes! Who's sitting in this very room as I speak!

Senior Agent: Agent Mulder, the Section Chief has asked you a question you are going to answer!

Mulder: I can't do that, sir!

Senior Agent: You can and you will!

Mulder: I can't do that, sir because the Section Chief is the man I'm about to name!

[Mulder is sitting on a chair in the hospital. Skinner approaches and sits next to him.]

Skinner: The Smoking Man's dead.

Mulder: How?

Skinner: Shot through his window. [Hands Mulder a photo of young Mulder and Samantha] Forensics found it at the scene. We're assuming it's his blood.

Mulder: Assuming?

Skinner: Well no body was found, though there was too much blood lost for anyone to have survived. (sighs) This afternoon when you named Blevins... how did you know?

Mulder: I didn't. I just guessed.

Skinner: Well it was a hell of a guess. Blevins had been on payroll for four years to a biotechnology company called Roush, which is somehow connected to all this.

Mulder: Well, I'm sure whatever connections there were, they're being erased right now.

Skinner: They're cleaning up, taking everything away.

Mulder: Not everything.. Scully's cancer's gone into remission.

Skinner: (looks shocked) That's unbelievable news.

Mulder: (grins) It's the best news I could have ever heard.

Skinner: What turned it around?

Mulder: I don't know. I don't think we'll ever know.

Skinner: Can I see her?

Mulder: Yeah, she's in there with her family right now, but I'm sure she'd love to see you.

[Skinner heads in to her room, where Scully and her family are waiting. She smiles at him. He enters and shuts the door; Mulder sits outside staring at the picture of himself and Samantha and begins to cry.]

The Unusual Suspects [5.3]

Frohike: (to Langly) With that long blonde hair, you'll be the first one in here who gets traded for cigarettes, and I'm gonna be laughing my ass off.

Frohike: Me and the narc have a proposition for you.

Langly: What proposition?

Frohike: The coolest hack in the world.

Langly: (smiles) Say it. (Frohike hesitates) Say it...

Frohike: (grudgingly) ...Your kung fu is the best.

Langly: Last week, I got into the Maryland DMV to change my endorsements so I could handicap park.

Byers: It's all true what Susanne said about you people isn't it?! About John F. Kennedy.. Dallas?

X: (turns to Byers) ...I heard it was a lone gunman.

Detective John Munch: [stands at the cell door as Byers, Frohike and Langly exit lockup] Here's a tip - aluminum foil makes a lovely hat, and it blocks out the government's mind control rays - Keep you guys outta trouble.

Detour [5.04]

Agent Kinsley: Last year was something of a personal revelation. We were doing an exercise called "Team Builders," where we were given two minutes to build a tower out of ordinary office furniture.

Agent Stonecypher: When I stood on Mike's shoulders and I put that electric pencil sharpener on top of the pile, we both knew - we could never have done it alone.

Mulder: (leaning over to Scully, whispering) Kill me now.

Agent Kinsley: You ever been to one of these team seminars, Agent Scully?

Scully: Um... I think I went to a constructive problem-solving course when I first joined the bureau.

Agent Stonecypher: Oh did you play that game where you can't use any negative words?

Agent Kinsley: I couldn't believe how hard it was not to use the word "but!"

Mulder: (falsely enthusiastic) I'm having that same problem right now!

Agent Stonecypher: Have you ever been to a team seminar, Agent Mulder?

Mulder: (grinning at Scully) No. You know, unfortunately around this time of year, I always develop a severe hemorrhoidal condition.

Agent Kinsley: Well, it builds muscles you didn't even know you had.

Agent Stonecypher: Communication. That's the key.

[A police officer waves them down and the car stops.]

Officer: Sorry folks, it'll be a few minutes.

Agent Kinsley: What's going on?

Officer: Got a little situation, that's all.

Mulder: (opens the car door and bolts) Thank you, Jesus.

Agent Kinsley: [The three left in the car watch as Mulder walks off] Where's he goin'?

Scully: [Approaches Mulder in the woods as Michele Fazekas walks away] Mulder? We've got this conference. They're waiting.

Mulder: Yeah. How do I say this without using any negative words, Scully?

Scully: You want me to tell them that you're not gonna make it to this year's teamwork seminar.

Mulder: See? [Puts his hands on her arms and grins.] We don't need that conference! We have communication like that unspoken! You know what I'm thinking!

Scully: [Smiles and shakes her head]

[Mulder is on his computer when there's a knock on the door.]

Mulder: It's open.

[Scully enters with a tray with a bottle of wine, two glasses, and some cheese]

Mulder: Who cut the cheese?

Scully: (rolls eyes, explains) Since you won't be making it to the conference.

Mulder: Mmm! Par-tay!

Scully: However, I must remind you that this goes against the bureau's policy of male and female agents consorting in the same motel room while on assignment.

Mulder: Try any of that "Tailhook" crap on me, Scully, I'll kick your ass.

Scully: Where are you going?

Mulder: I've gotta check something out.

Scully: You know, Mulder, sometimes I think some work on your communication skills wouldn't be such a bad idea.

Mulder: I'll be back soon, and we can build a tower of furniture. (grins) Okay?

[Scully shakes her head, smiles and drinks her wine]

Mulder: (about whatever monster is lurking in the forest) Maybe it can regulate its temperature. You don't know of any animal that can?

Scully: Ticks. I've heard they can halt their metabolism for up to 18 years, essentially going in to suspended animation until something warm-blooded comes along.

Mulder: That's interesting.

Scully: Why is that interesting?

Mulder: Thirty years ago, the town of Point Pleasant, West Virginia, was terrorized for over a year by something. Killing livestock, terrorizing the people. Witnesses described them as primitive-looking men with red, piercing eyes. Became known as the "Moth Men." I've got an X-File dating back to 1952 on it.

Scully: (dryly) What would that be filed next to? "The Cockroach that Ate Cincinnati?"

Mulder: No, "The Cockroach that Ate Cincinnati" is in the "C"s. Moth Men's over in the "M"s.

Scully: (trying to start a fire with stones) You were an Indian guide. Help me out here.

Mulder: (leaning against a log, as he's been injured) Indian guide says maybe you should run to the store and get some matches.

Scully: I would, but I left my wallet in the car. [Sits next to him, gets out her gun]

Mulder: What are you doing?

Scully: Trying to open my gun. [Takes the clip out] If I can separate the shell from the casing, maybe I can get the powder to ignite.

Mulder: Mm. And maybe it'll start raining weenies and marshmallows.

Scully: Do I detect a hint of negativity?

Mulder: No! Yes, actually. Yeah.

Scully: Mulder, you need to keep warm. Your body's still in shock.

Mulder: I was told once that the best way to regenerate body heat is to crawl naked into a sleeping bag with somebody else who was already naked. (scoots closer to her)

Scully: (grinning) Maybe if it rained sleeping bags, you'll get lucky. [Mulder looks up at Scully in surprise; she continues working on getting the bullet apart.] You ever thought seriously about dying?

Mulder: Yeah, once, when I was at the Ice Capades.

Scully: [Gives him a look, then goes back to the bullet.] When I was fighting my cancer, I was angry at the injustice of it, and its meaninglessness. Then I realized that that was a struggle - to give it meaning, to make sense of it. It's like life.

Mulder: I think nature is supremely indifferent to whether we live or die. I mean, if you're lucky, you get 75 years, if you're really lucky you get 80 years, and if you're extraordinarily lucky, you get to live 50 of those years with a decent head of hair.

Scully: (chuckles) I guess it's like Las Vegas. The house always wins. [The bullet suddenly pops open.] Oh! (sings) Ta-da!

Mulder: Go girl! [Scully gets up to pour the gunpowder from the bullet into the makeshift campfire.] Hey, who did you identify with when you were a kid - Wilma or Betty?

Scully: I identified with Betty's bustline.

Mulder: Yes! I did too.

Scully: I could never have been married to Barney though. The kids were cute.

Mulder: Yeah. But where are they today?

Scully: [Uses the rocks to strike a spark into the gunpowder, which instantly burns up and doesn't light the sticks. Looks at Mulder.] Moth Men? Really?

Mulder: Yeah. But there seem to be only two of 'em. [Scully sighs and goes back to sit next to Mulder, then puts an arm around his shoulder and starts pulling him closer.] I don't wanna wrestle!

Scully: (laughs) Get over here. I'm gonna try and keep you warm. [She pulls him over so he's curled up on her lap, her arms around him.] Sorry.

Mulder: One of us has got to stay awake, Scully.

Scully: You sleep, Mulder.

Mulder: If you get tired, you wake me.

Scully: I'm not gonna get tired.

Mulder: Why don't you sing something?

Scully: (firmly) No, Mulder.

Mulder: If you sing something, I'll know you're awake.

Scully: Mulder, you don't want me to sing. I can't carry a tune.

Mulder: It doesn't matter. Just sing anything.

Scully: (sighs; sings, out of tune) Jeremiah was a bullfrog, was a good friend of mine. Never understood a single word he said, but I helped him drink his wine.

Mulder: Chorus.

Scully: (continues singing) Joy... to the world. All the boys and girls. Joy to the fishes in the deep blue sea. Joy to you and me.

The Post-Modern Prometheus [5.05]

Scully: Why are you humoring them, Mulder?

Mulder: I'm not humoring them, Scully. This is a very serious crime.

Scully: So is perjury. So is calling out FBI. agents under false pretenses.

Mulder: For the purpose of what?

Scully: Isn't it obvious? I think what we're seeing here is an example of a culture for whom daytime talk shows and tabloid headlines have become a reality against which they measure their lives. A culture so obsessed by the media and a chance for self-dramatization that they'll do anything in order to gain a spotlight.

Mulder: I am alarmed that you would reduce these people to a cultural stereotype. Not everybody's dream is to get on Jerry Springer.

Scully: Psychologists often speak of the denial of an unthinkable evil or a misplacement of shared fears, anxieties taking the form of a hideous monster for whom the most horrific human attributes can be ascribed. What we can't possibly imagine ourselves capable of we can blame of the ogre, on the hunchback, on the lowly half-breed. Common sense alone will tell you that these legends, these unverified rumors, are ridiculous.

Mulder: But nonetheless, unverifiable and, therefore, true in the sense that they're believed to be true.

Scully: Is there anything that you don't believe in, Mulder?

Christmas Carol [5.06]

Emily [5.07]

Scully: It begins where it ends...in nothingness. A nightmare born from deepest fears, coming to me unguarded...whispering images unlocked from time and distance. A soul unbound - touched by others but never held. On a course charted by some unseen hand. The journey ahead promising no more than my past reflecting back upon me. Until at last, I reach the end, facing a truth I can no longer deny. Alone, as ever.

Scully: Who is the man who would create a life whose only hope is to die?

Mulder: I don't know.. But that you found her, and you had a chance to love her - Maybe she was meant for that, too.

Kitsunegari [5.08]

Physical therapist: That gunshot wound did a hell of a lot of damage. (looks at Mulder, realizing) ...you're the officer that shot him.

Mulder: [Looking around at room covered in painted kanji symbols.] I'm gonna take a wild stab here and guess this is a clue.

Mulder: Scully, just trace the call and cut off any access that woman has to a phone! I'm heading back now.

Scully: Mulder, I'm not at the safe house.

Mulder: You're not?

Scully: We're at the Chaimbridge Mall investigating a suicide.

Mulder: (frustrated) Why isn't anybody picking up at the safehouse switchboard?!

Scully: (sighs and hangs up; turns to US Marshalls) Back in the trucks.

Mulder: What happened?!

Skinner: (sigh) You were told to go home, Mulder.

Mulder: WHAT. HAPPENED?!

Scully: (sarcastically) That's one hell of a plan, Mulder. The serial killer makes us believe that he's guilty, in turn diverting suspicion away from the real estate lady?

Skinner: Mulder, a moment please? [Mulder pauses, turns around; Skinner approaches.] I just wanted to say you did a good job.

Mulder: How's that?

Skinner: Nobody could've figured this out but you. You knew it was Linda Bowman and not Modell. You were way ahead of me.

Mulder: I almost killed my partner.

Skinner: Mulder, despite that, you prevailed. You won her game.

Mulder: How come I feel like I lost?

Schizogeny [5.09]

Mulder: (about man who died after swallowing 12 pounds of mud; smiling) Is it possible that he took the term "mud pie" literally?

Scully: His mother said that Bobby can't make friends. He's been in therapy for his anger since 1995.

Mulder: (grin) That could be me.

[Mulder comes in carrying a plastic evidence bag.]

Bobby: What is that?

Mulder: (points to word "Evidence" clearly written on the bag) Evidence.

Mulder: (as he climbs a tree) Hey, Scully, is this demonstration of boyish agility turning you on at all?

Mulder: I don't think this was an act of grave robbing, Scully.

Scully: No, that's what we were doing.

Chinga [5.10]

Mulder: Maybe you don't know what you're looking for.

Scully: Like evidence of conjury or the black arts or shamanism, divination, Wicca or any kind of pagan or neo-pagan practice. Charms, cards, familiars, bloodstones, or hex signs or any of the ritual tableaux associated with the occult, Santeria, Voudoun, Macumba, or any high or low magic?

Mulder: Scully?

Scully: Yes?

Mulder: Marry me.

Scully: I was hoping for something a little more helpful.

Kill Switch [5.11]

Scully: (objecting as Mulder starts using a laptop taken from a crime scene) Mulder, that's evidence!

Mulder: Gee, I hope so.

Bad Blood [5.12]

Scully: (chasing after him) Mulder?

Mulder: [moves the lips on the boy he just staked to reveal vampire fangs] Look at that! Eh? [Scully taps the fangs to show that they're just plastic. Mulder looks horrified.] Oh sh- [Credits roll.]

Scully: Skinner wants a report in one hour. What are you going to tell him?

Mulder: What do you mean what am I gonna tell him? I'm gonna tell him exactly what I saw. What are you gonna tell him?

Scully: I'll tell him exactly what I saw.

Mulder: Now, how is that different? (Scully shrugs) ..Look, Scully, I'm the one who may wind up going to prison here. I gotta know if you're gonna back me up or what.

Scully: (annoyed) First of all, if the family of Ronnie Strickland does indeed decide to sue the FBI for, I think the figure is $446 million, then you and I both will most certainly be co-defendants. And second of all.. I don't even have a second of all, Mulder! 446 million dollars! I'm in this as deep as you are, and I'm not even the one that overreacted! I didn't do the [stabbing motion] with the thing!

Mulder: I did not overreact - Ronnie Strickland was a vampire!

Scully: Where's your proof?

Mulder: You're my proof! You were there!

[Scully sighs]

Mulder: Okay, now you're scaring me. I want to hear exactly what you're going to tell Skinner.

Scully: Oh, you want us to get our stories straight.

Mulder: No, no, no - I didn't say that. I just want to hear it the way you saw it.

Scully: I don't feel comfortable with that.

Mulder: Prison, Scully. Your cell mate's nickname is going to be Large Marge. She's going to read a lot of Gertrude Stein.

Scully: Yesterday morning, when I arrived at work, you were.. characteristically exuberant.

Mulder: [slams tickets down on the desk excitedly] Hope you brought your cowboy boots!

Scully: You want us to go to Dallas?

Mulder: Yee-haw! Actually a town called Cheney, about 50 miles south of there. Population: 361. By all accounts, very rustic and charming. But as of late, ground zero, the locus for a series of mysterious nocturnal exsanguinations.

Scully: Exsanguinations? Of whom?

Mulder: [Flashes a slide of a dead cow.] How does that grab ya?

Scully: It's a-

Mulder: Dead cow! Exactly. Or more specifically, a dead 900 pound Holstein. Its body completely drained of blood, as was this one, [flashes slides] this one, this one, this one, and so on. Six, all in all, approximately one a week over the past six weeks.

Scully: Is there any sign of-

Mulder: Two small puncture wounds on the neck?

Scully: That's not what I was gonna ask.

Mulder: (excitedly) Too bad! We got em! Check it out. [flashes slide]

Scully: Well, these may be syringe marks, their placement meant to emulate fangs. Such ritualistic bloodletting points towards cultists of some sort, in which case - (Mulder starts smirking) - what?

Mulder: (laughing) Yeah, that's probably it - Satanic cultists. Come on, Scully!

Scully: You're not gonna tell me this is that Mexican goat sucker.

Mulder: El Chupacabra? No, they've got four fangs, not two. And they suck goats, hence the name.

Scully: So instead this would be..?

Mulder: Classic vampirism.

Scully: Of a bunch of cows?

Mulder: And one dead human! Last night - a vacationer from New Jersey. [flashes slide] Come on, we gotta go. [Grabs his coat and runs off]

Scully: Why the hell didn't you tell me that from the beginning?!

Mulder: (from offscreen) Lock the door on your way out!

Scully: (sighs)

Scully: It was there that we were met by a representative of local law enforcement, Sheriff-

Sheriff Lucius Hartwell: Lucius Hartwell. You the FBI agents?

Scully: Yes, I'm-

Mulder: Agents Mulder and, uh.. (snaps fingers, trying to remember) Scully. What do you say we go take a look at your victim?

Sheriff Lucius Hartwell: Yeah, by all means. After you.

[Scully stands there subtly ogling Sheriff Hartwell.]

Mulder: Come on, Scully, get those little legs movin'! Come on!

Mulder: (looking at the tourist's ugly shirt, sarcastically) Nice threads!

Mulder: [pulling on dead man's collar to reveal two apparent bite marks] Your Satanic cultists have some sharp little teeth.

Sheriff Lucius Hartwell: What satanic cultists?

Mulder: Go ahead, tell him your, heh, (makes quotation marks in the air, mockingly) "theory."

Sheriff Lucius Hartwell: You really know your stuff, Dana.

Mulder: (disbelief) "Dana"?! [Cuts back to Mulder's office; he laughs] He never even knew your first name!

Scully: (slightly embarrassed) You gonna interrupt me, or what?

Mulder: No, go ahead. (grinning) ..Dana.

Mulder: [Investigating the body] Have you noticed that this man's shoes are untied?

Scully: Mulder, what's your point?

Mulder: This means something.. Sheriff, do you have an old cemetery in town, off the beaten path, the creepier the better?

Sheriff Lucius Hartwell: Uh, yeah.

Mulder: (snaps his fingers at him) Take me there now! Scully, we're gonna need a complete autopsy on this man, the sooner the better.

Scully: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! What am I even looking for?

Mulder: (puts his hands on her shoulders; looks at her intently) I don't know. (walks off)

Scully: (looks at the sheriff, who seems confused; tries to explain) He does that.

Scully: (speaking into a tape recorder) 4:54 p.m. Begin autopsy on one white male, age 60, who is arguably having a worse time in Texas than I am... although not by much.

[She moves to begin, the blade of the scalpel she's holding falls off.]

Scully: Yee-haw.

Scully: ..But I just put money in the "magic fingers"!

Mulder: I won't let it go to waste! [hops on bed]

Mulder: Yesterday morning began like any other morning. You arrived at the office characteristically less than exuberant. [Cuts to Mulder putting plane tickets on the desk, speaking quietly and calmly] I hope you brought your cowboy boots.

Scully: (whiny) Why are we going to Dallas?

Mulder: But as always, I-I'm very eager to hear your opinion.

Scully: (annoyed) Well, it's obviously not a vampire.

Mulder: Well why not?

Scully: (like it should be obvious) Because they don't exist?

Mulder: Well, that's one opinion and I respect that.

Scully: (looking at Hartwell) Ooh, boy.

[Sheriff Hartwell appears, with a more pronounced Southern drawl and obvious buck teeth]

Sheriff Lucius Hartwell: Y'all must be the guv-mint people. (Mulder has a slightly repulsed face, while Scully is obviously enamored with Hartwell) ..I'm Lucius Hartwell.

[Cuts back to Mulder's office]

Scully: (objecting) He had big buck teeth?

Mulder: ..He had a slight overbite.

Scully: No, he didn't. (Mulder nods his head) ..And that's significant? How?

Mulder: I'm just trying to be thorough.

Sheriff Hartwell: Yeah. Okay. Uh.. what she said, that's what I'm thinkin', and, uh... Yeah.

Mulder: Historically, cemeteries were thought to be a haven for vampires - as are castles, catacombs and swamps, but unfortunately, you don't have any of those.

Sheriff Hartwell: We used to have swamps, only the EPA made us take to callin' 'em "wetlands".

Mulder: Anyway, skipping ahead..

Scully: Why skipping ahead? (no response) Mulder... you shot out the tires, what then?

Mulder: [Cuts back to Mulder and Sheriff Hartwell, both trying in vain the shoot out the RV's tires] ..Well, here's something you may not know - shooting out the tires on a runaway RV is a lot harder than it looks. I then tried a different approach.. [Cuts to Mulder being dragged behind the RV as he attempts to hold on to it, screaming loudly]

Mulder: (voiceover) Tired, frustrated, and lacking a solid lead, I just wanted to get cleaned up. I had the sheriff drop me at the motel, which is where I ran into you.

Scully: (sitting on the vibrating bed, yelling at Mulder) What do you mean you want me to do another autopsy?! Why do I have to do it now?! I just spent hours on my feet doing an autopsy, all for you! I do it all for you, Mulder! You know I haven't eaten since 6 o'clock this morning, and that was half a cream cheese bagel. And it wasn't even real cream cheese, it was light cream cheese! Now you want me to run off and do another autopsy?! (finally notices how beaten up he looks) What the hell happened to you?

Mulder: (voiceover) Finally you left.

Scully: (leaving the motel room) Don't you touch that bed!

[Mulder throws his sunflower seeds at Ronnie, which forces him to pick them up]

Ronnie Strickland: Oh man! What'd you have to go and do that for?! (begins picking up seeds, points at Mulder) You are in big trouble.

[Scully finds Mulder barely conscious in their hotel room]

Scully: Mulder?

Mulder: ..Who's the black private dick that's a sex machine to all the chicks? Shaft! Can ya dig it? (Scully looks at Mulder, disbelieving)They say this cat Shaft is a bad mother- shut your mouth! Talkin' 'bout Shaft.

[Cuts to Mulder's office, as he reacts to Scully's version of the story]

Mulder: I did not!

Scully: You're saying that I actually hit him two times.

Mulder: Square in the chest. No effect.

Scully: ..and then he sort of flew at me like a flying squirrel.

Mulder: I don't think I'd use the phrase "flying squirrel" when I talk to Skinner, but.. yeah, that's what happened.

Coroner: Probable cause of death.. [looking at Ronnie Strickland's body with a stake through the heart] Gee, that's a tough one.

[Mulder and Scully are awaiting outside Skinner's office]

Scully: (whispering) Mulder, please just keep reminding him you were drugged.

Mulder: Would you stop that?

Scully: It wouldn't hurt.

Mulder: Stop it.

[Skinner sticks his head out of his office]

Skinner: Scully, Mulder-

[Mulder jumps to his feet]

Mulder: I was drugged!

Skinner: (sighs) ..I want you two back in Texas - Ronnie Strickland's body has gone missing from the morgue; in conjunction with this the coroner's been attacked. His throat was bitten.

Scully: The coroner's dead?

Skinner: (uncomfortably) No.. his throat was.. bitten. It was sort of.. gnawed on. (Mulder and Scully exchange a look) Daylight's burning, agents.

Scully: (bewildered) But.. he was dead!

Mulder: (bemused) I noticed that.

Scully: He had a stake through his heart!

Mulder: I noticed that too.

Scully: Mulder, he had fake fangs. Why would a real vampire need fake fangs? I mean, for the sake of argument?

Mulder: Fangs are very rarely mentioned in the literature; they're more or less an invention of Bram Stoker's. I think you were right before when you said this was about a guy who's watched too many Dracula movies. It's just that he happens to be a real vampire.

Mulder: (to the sheriff) You can stay behind here with Agent Scully and keep an eye on things where I go check something out. (whispers to Scully, with a bad southern accent) Don't say I never did nothin' for ye!

Sheriff Lucius Hartwell: He's just not who we are anymore. I mean we pay taxes, we're good neighbors. Old Ronnie.. he just can't seem to grasp the concept of.. low profile. But, though he may be a moron, he is one of our own.

Skinner: So that's it. They simply disappeared without a trace. And that's exactly what happened from start to finish?

Scully: ..Well I can neither confirm nor deny Agent Mulder's version of events which occurred outside my presence.

Mulder: And I can neither confirm nor deny Agent Scully's version of events, but, uh..

Scully: Anyway... I was drugged.

Mulder: That is, essentially exactly the way it happened.

Scully: Essentially.

Mulder: ..Except for the part about the buck teeth.

Patient X [5.13]

Mulder: Before the exploration of space, of the moon and the planets, man held that the heavens were the home and province of powerful gods, who controlled not just the vast firmament but the earthly fate of man himself, and that the pantheon of powerful warring deities was the cause and reason for the human condition, for the past and future, and for which great monuments would be created, on earth as in heaven. But in time man replaced these gods with new gods and new religions that provided no more certain or greater answers than those worshipped by his Greek or Roman or Egyptian ancestors. And while we've chosen now our monolithic and benevolent gods and found our certainties in science, believers all, we wait for a sign, a revelation. Our eyes turn skyward, ready to accept the truly incredible, to find our destiny written in the stars. But how do we best look to see? With new eyes or old?

[Alex Krycek and a squad of soldiers approach Marita Covarrubias and a group of UN peacekeeping troops at a mass incineration site]

Krycek: (speaking in Russian) Under what authority are you corrupting this crime scene?

Marita Covarrubias: (responds in Russian) Under the United Nations Charter - Chapter 7, Articles 39 and 42.

Krycek: (chuckles) Your authority isn't recognized here. Nor are your lies.

Marita Covarrubias: These are U.N. peacekeepers. This is a mission of mercy.

Krycek: This is a mission of fear. Yours and the men you work for.

Marita Covarrubias: (scoffs) I don't know what you're talking about.

Krycek: You go back and you tell them what you've seen here - What you've found.

Marita Covarrubias: My name is Marita Covarrubias - I'm a Special Representative to the Secretary General of the United Nations.

Krycek: I know who you are - I know who you work for. Now you go back and you tell them -

Marita Covarrubias: Tell them what? What happened here?

Krycek: ..Tell them it's all going to hell.

Dr. Werber: The regression hypnosis work I did with you-

Mulder: No, I'm not questioning your methods, Dr Werber. I'm questioning myself, and how I was tricked. How I was led to believe, through an elaborate staging of events, that my sister had been abducted.

Dr. Werber: A man with faith can indulge in the luxury of skepticism.

Mulder: I don't think you understand. There's just too much evidence that it's all been a lie. The conspiracy is not to hide the existence of extraterrestrials. It's to make people believe in it so completely that they question nothing.

Dr. Werber: So, you and I have been advocates of insanity all along? Is this the extreme possibility you believe in now?

Krycek: Well, look who's answering the bat-phone.

[Scully throws a newspaper at Mulder.]

Scully: Shouldn't that be my picture next to the headline? [A picture of Mulder with the headline, "All this conjecture about little green men - false, dangerous, delusional."] ..Or is that just you having a little fun?

Mulder: Do I look like I'm having fun, Scully?

Scully: You look constipated, actually.

Mulder: That would make sense - I've had my head up my rear end for the last five years.

Scully: This wouldn't have anything to do with Cassandra Spender?

Mulder: Cassandra Spender is living proof that the truth I've been so boldly seeking for the last five years is the truth of a madman.

Scully: How's that?

Mulder: One more anal-probing gyro-pyro levitating ecoplasm alien anti-matter story and I'm going to take out my gun and shoot somebody.

Scully: Well - I guess I'm done here; You seem to have invalidated your work. Have a nice life.

The Red and the Black [5.14]

[Mulder stands next to Scully, who is laying on a bed in the hospital, and move a strand of her bangs out of her eyes. She begins to wake up.]

Scully: Mmm. [Opens her eyes.] What time is it?

Mulder: (laughing) "What time is it?" It's time to thank your lucky stars.

Scully: Why are you laughing?

Mulder: I'm not laughing at you! (smiles) I'm just very happy to be standing here talking to you, that's all.

Scully: (getting concerned) Mulder, what am I doing here?

Mulder: You were airlifted here in vasogenic shock.

Scully: From what?

Mulder: You've got some first-degree burns, and scorching on your hands and face.

Scully: (touches face, not understanding) From what?

Mulder: You don't remember?

Scully: Mulder... [Looks at the tv, which is showing a report about the attack, along with images of many of the dead bodies found at the scene.]

Mulder: Is any of this coming back to you?

Scully: I was there? [Mulder sighs.] Well, doing what?

Mulder: I was hoping you were going to answer that question for me.

Scully: But it doesn't explain why they would want to kill me. And it doesn't explain why I survived.

Mulder: It all comes down to a question, one that hasn't been answered or I don't think honestly addressed. Who made that chip in your neck? That chip was found in a military research facility. Our government made that chip, implanted it in your neck as part of a secret military project to develop a biochemical weapon, to monitor your immunity or to destroy you like a lab rat... if the truth were to be exposed. Your cancer, your cure. Everything that's happening to you now. It all points to that chip. The truth I've been searching for? That truth is IN you.

Scully: (pauses, looks down) Mulder, when I met you five years ago, you told me that your sister had been abducted... by aliens. That that event had marked you so deeply that nothing else mattered. I didn't believe you, but I followed you... on nothing more than your faith that the truth was out there, based not on facts, not on science, but on your memories that your sister had been taken from you. Your memories were all that you had.

Mulder: I don't trust those memories now.

Scully: Whether you trust them or not, they led you here, and me. But I have no memories to either trust or distrust. And if you ask me now to follow you again, to stand behind you in what you now believe, without knowing what happened to me out there... without those memories, I can't. I won't.

Mulder: [Stands and goes to window, pauses, then looks back at her.] If I could give you those memories, if I could prove that I was right and that what I believed for so long was wrong-

Scully: Is that what you really want?

[Scully is under hypnosis]

Scully: There's... there's another one. There's another ship. They see it. They were attacking them.

Weber: Who were they attacking, Dana?

Scully: The... the faceless men. They're... oh my God, I can't...

Weber: Do you want to stop, Dana?

Scully: No. Now it's coming at us. Oh my God! No! Cassandra! Where's Cassandra? They're... they're taking her. They're... oh my God.

Krycek: You must be losing it, Mulder. I can beat you with one hand.

Mulder: Isn't that how you like to beat yourself?

[Krycek cocks gun]

Mulder: If those were my last words, I can do better.

Krycek: I'm not here to kill you, Mulder. I'm here to help you.

Mulder: (sarcastically) Hey, thanks.

Krycek: You know, if it wasn't in my best interests, I would just as soon squeeze the trigger.

Mulder: What's stopping you?

Krycek: Hear this, agent Mulder. Listen very carefully, because what I'm telling you is deadly serious. There is a war raging, and unless you pull your head out of the sand, you and I and about 5 billion other people are gonna go the way of the dinosaur. I'm talking planned invasion- the colonization of this planet by an extraterrestrial race.

Mulder: (laughing) I thought you were serious.

Krycek: Kazakhstan, Skyland Mountain, the site in Pennsylvania, they're all alien lighthouses where the colonization will begin, but where now a battle is being raged, a struggle for heaven and earth where there is one law: fight or die. And one rule: resist or serve.

Mulder: Serve who?

Krycek: No, not who. What.

Mulder: Krycek, you're a murderer, a liar and a coward. Just because you stick a gun in my chest, I'm supposed to believe you're my friend?!

Krycek: (smiles) Get up. I was sent by a man... a man who knows, as I do, that resistance is in our grasp, and in yours. The mass incinerations were strikes by an alien rebellion, to upset plans for occupation. One of these rebels is being held captive. And if he dies, so does the resistance. [Leans forward and seems to kiss him on the cheek?, then puts his gun away and starts to leave.] (in Russian) Good luck to you, my friend.

Scully: Mulder? What are you doing sitting here in the dark?

Mulder: Thinking.

Scully: Thinking about what?

Mulder: Well, the usual. Destiny, fate, how to throw a curveball. The inextricable relationships in our lives that are neither accidental nor... somehow in our control either.

Guard: Yes, sir?

Mulder: We're federal agents requesting permission to enter the base.

Guard: Do you have any paperwork to go with that, Agent "Muldar?"

Mulder: (annoyed) It's Mulder.

Travelers [5.15]

Mind's Eye [5.16]

Scully: (after having a suspect wear gloves that fit perfectly) Hope you saw what just happened in there.

Mulder: Even if the gloves do fit, you can still acquit.

Mulder: I like you Marty. I admire you. And I don't want to see you confess to crimes you didn't commit.

Marty Glenn: You just feel sorry for me.

Mulder: No I don't - Not the way you think I do.

Marty Glenn: Read the confession. I got it all perfect - every detail. How could I do that if I'm innocent?

Mulder: I believe you witnessed both murders. You-you saw them somehow, but you were way across town when they happened - You were a $60 cab ride away.

Marty Glenn: You're crazy.

Mulder: I think you tried to stop them - You tried to, but you didn't get there in time.

Marty Glenn: ..I don't have to talk to you anymore.

All Souls [5.17]

Mulder: And why would God allow this to happen? Why do bad things happen to good people? Religion has masqueraded as the paranormal since the dawn of time to justify some of the most horrible acts in history.

Scully: I was raised to believe that God has His reasons however mysterious.

Mulder: He may well have His reasons, but He seems to use a lot of psychotics to carry out His job orders.

Mulder: [Speaking to Father Gregory who is praying inside an interrogation room] What are you asking for, Father? Mercy or forgiveness? You know... they say when you talk to God it's prayer, but when God talks to you it's schizophrenia. What is your God telling you, Father?

The Pine Bluff Variant [5.18]

Mulder: [leaving the room to go under cover] If you don't hear from me by midnight... (pauses) feed my fish.

Haley: Welcome, Agent Mulder.

Mulder: Okay, deal me in.

Haley: This is just a little method we use... to learn the truth.

Mulder: Well, you-you might wanna put that hood back on me unless you want to see a grown man cry.

Haley: What happened in the park?

Mulder: I told you on the phone. [Skin-Head Man pulls back on Mulder's fingers] Grrh!

Haley: I was set up.

Mulder: I'm telling the truth-- wait, wait. WAIT! [breathes sharply] I let you go.

Haley: You're spying on us, aren't you?

Mulder: No... no! [Skin-Head Man pulls back again] D-AAAHH... You want me to lie and say yes? [man pulls Mulder's fingers back] AAHH... Gah, I'm gonna kill you, you SON OF A BITCH!! I'm gonna kill you! [breathing heavily] If I set you up, do you think I would even get into the car with this Nazi piece of shi...?! [man breaks Mulder's fingers] AAHHH-- [Mulder headbutts him] I risked EVERYTHING! If I was lying, there'd be federal agents descending upon this place like the wrath of God right now! [he notices the man getting back up] IF YOU TOUCH ME AGAIN, you better kill me!! [Skin-Head man grabs Mulder's already broken fingers again] Grr... [muffled whimper]

Haley: A war is going on, Agent Mulder. Either you're on the right side... or the wrong. [points a hair-spray can at Mulder] You've seen the effects of this.

Mulder: Yeah, I--

Haley: Like to see them again?

Mulder: NO! I didn't set you up! If you got set up, it was one of yours.

[Skin-Head man looks back at Haley who returns the look, the former snaps Mulder's finger in half]

Folie a Deux [5.19]

Mulder: You have to be willing to see.

Scully: I wish it were that simple.

Mulder: Scully, you have to believe me. Nobody else on this whole damn planet does or ever will. You're my one in five billion.

Mulder: What did you tell him?

Scully: The truth … as well as I understand it.

Mulder: Which is?

Scully: Folie a deux. A madness shared by two.

The End [5.20]

Mulder:You know, when I first met you I figured you were just ambitious. Then this morning my opinion changed and I thought you were arrogant. Now I'm beginning to wonder what you're protecting.

FBI Special Agent Jeffrey Spender: I'm just trying to run this thing right. Not like some ridiculous, paranormal free-for-all.

Mulder: You're insulting me when you should be taking notes. Somehow you got the big assignment, but just because you're wearing the suit doesn't mean it fits.

FBI Special Agent Diana Fowley: Been too many years trying to get inside the head of too many Arab terrorists.. I'm out of practice with this stuff. But you seem at the top of your game.

Mulder: That's all I do. That's all I've been doing for the last five years. It's... been my life - such as it is.

The Cigarette-Smoking Man: [Approaches Spender in a parking garage] Agent Spender.. I need to speak with you.

Spender: Who are you?

Cigarette-Smoking Man: Somebody who's taken an interest in you - In this case of yours.. This case I gave you.

Spender: [looks around, approaches CSM] ... What are you? CIA? NSA?

Cigarette-Smoking Man: You're a bright boy.

Spender: You said you had information.

Cigarette-Smoking Man: ..Control the board. Know which men to sacrifice and when.

Spender: I don't know what you're talking about.

Cigarette-Smoking Man: Don't become part of someone else's cause or crusade. Pursue your own self-interest - Always.

Skinner: So this kid is a human oddity. Tell me why anyone would go to such lengths as to kill him?

Mulder: This kid may be the key not just to all human potential, but to all spiritual unexplained paranormal phenomena - The key to everything in The X-Files.