Twin Town (1997) is a dark-humoured Welsh comedy.
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- Dylan Thomas called Swansea "an ugly, lovely town".
- Terry: I'd call it... a Pretty Shitty City.
- Dylan Thomas didn't do as much fucking cocaine as you, did he?
- Adie, driving cars that don't belong to them, at 90 miles an hour, on the wrong side of the road, is just starting to take the fucking piss!
- I think I'll have the twenty again
- Brothel Woman: Hand relief top exposed, tits and hand shandies love, righto then Ivor, Bon voyage. Is that hittin the spot?
- Oh yea
- Heres 20 quid, go buy yourselves a nice big tin of sticky-sticky and fuck off back to Noddyland!
- Bryn: I'll have a chicken jalfrezi balti, half chips half rice, three onion bhajees, two naans and a grampa!
- Indian Waiter: [In Punjabi] You asshole sister fucker!
- I built this club up from nothing, and I fucking loves it!
- Lucy: She's a hooker Greyo
- Greyo: Yeah and i'm a scrum-half
- Adie Lewis: I'd better be off
- Jeremy Lewis: Off to the brothel?
- Jean Lewis: It's not a brothel, it's an executive health spa!
- Jeremy and Julian Lewis: Health Spa AHHHHH!
- This glue is for sticking my model aeroplanes together, not for sticking up your fucking noses! Buy your own fucking glue!
- Fatty Lewis: Cup of tea boys?
- Adie Lewis: Its not a cup of tea they needs, its a good fucking hiding ask em who was kind enough to lend them the two tone BMW?
- Jeremy Lewis: Fuck off you nosey bitch!
- Jean Lewis: Charming!
- Jeremy Lewis: Do you know what they do to you if you're caught doing drugs in Morroco?
- Julian Lewis: No?
- Jeremy Lewis: They hand you over to the RUG squad. Aaaah I fuckin' had ew!
- Jeremy Lewis: Why is it that a 2 litre bottle of coke costs 27 pence, but a 1 litre bottle costs 37 pence?
- Julian Lewis: Supa-dupa Deal
- Jeremy Lewis: How much for a shag Adie?
- Adie Lewis: Family discount, but first we'll ave' to find your little willies!
- Jeremy Lewis: What's your handicap, Bryn? [Smashes golf club into Bryn's knee]
- Bryn Cartwright: [In agony, with tape over his mouth] MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!
- Jeremy Lewis: Not bad.
- You're an iffy copper that does a little bit a this, a little bit a that, but knows where to draw the thin blue line right fuckin wrong, don't ya, Greyo?
- Terry: What the fuck does that mean Greyo?
- Greyo: What does what mean?
- Terry: That, "ambition is fucking critical."
- Greyo: It say's "ambition is critical." There's no "fucking" in it.
- Rugby. Tom Jones. Male Voice Choirs. Shirley Bassey. Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwyllllantisiliogogogch. Snowdonia. Prince of Wales. Anthony Hopkins. Daffodils. Sheep. Sheep Lovers. Coal. Slate Quarries. The Blaenau Ffestiniog Dinkey-Doo Miniature Railway. Now If That's Your Idea Of Thousands Of Years Of Welsh Culture, You Can't Blame Us For Trying To Liven The Place Up A Little Can You?
- An extreme comedy.
- Welcome to ugly lovely town
- Llŷr Ifans (cred. Llyr Evans) - Julian Lewis
- Rhys Ifans - Jeremy Lewis
- Huw Ceredig - Fatty Lewis
- Rachel Scorgie - Adie Lewis
- Di Botche - Jean Lewis
- Dougray Scott - Terry Walsh
- Dorien Thomas - Greyo
- William Thomas - Bryn Cartwright
- Jenny Evans - Bonny Cartwright
- Sue Roderick - Lucy Cartwright
- w:Brian Hibbard - Dai Rhys
- Morgan Hopkins - Chip Roberts
- Buddug Williams - Mrs Mort
- Ronnie Williams - Mr Mort