Twin Town

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Twin Town (1997) is a dark-humoured Welsh comedy.


  • Greyo: Dylan Thomas called Swansea "an ugly, lovely town".
  • Terry: I'd call it... a Pretty Shitty City.
  • Greyo: Dylan Thomas didn't do as much fucking cocaine as you, did he?

  • Adie, driving cars that don't belong to them, at 90 miles an hour, on the wrong side of the road, is just starting to take the fucking piss!


  • Ivor: I think I'll have the twenty again
  • Brothel Woman: Hand relief top exposed, tits and hand shandies love, righto then Ivor, Bon voyage. Is that hittin the spot?
  • Ivor: Oh yea

Bryn Cartwright[edit]

  • Heres 20 quid, go buy yourselves a nice big tin of sticky-sticky and fuck off back to Noddyland!

  • Bryn: I'll have a chicken jalfrezi balti, half chips half rice, three onion bhajees, two naans and a grampa!
  • Indian Waiter: [In Punjabi] You asshole sister fucker!

  • I built this club up from nothing, and I fucking loves it!

Lucy Cartwright[edit]

  • Lucy: She's a hooker Greyo
  • Greyo: Yeah and i'm a scrum-half

Adie Lewis[edit]

  • Adie Lewis: I'd better be off
  • Jeremy Lewis: Off to the brothel?
  • Jean Lewis: It's not a brothel, it's an executive health spa!
  • Jeremy and Julian Lewis: Health Spa AHHHHH!

Fatty Lewis[edit]

  • This glue is for sticking my model aeroplanes together, not for sticking up your fucking noses! Buy your own fucking glue!

  • Fatty Lewis: Cup of tea boys?
  • Adie Lewis: Its not a cup of tea they needs, its a good fucking hiding ask em who was kind enough to lend them the two tone BMW?
  • Jeremy Lewis: Fuck off you nosey bitch!
  • Jean Lewis: Charming!

Jeremy Lewis[edit]

  • Jeremy Lewis: Do you know what they do to you if you're caught doing drugs in Morroco?
  • Julian Lewis: No?
  • Jeremy Lewis: They hand you over to the RUG squad. Aaaah I fuckin' had ew!

  • Jeremy Lewis: Why is it that a 2 litre bottle of coke costs 27 pence, but a 1 litre bottle costs 37 pence?
  • Julian Lewis: Supa-dupa Deal

  • Jeremy Lewis: How much for a shag Adie?
  • Adie Lewis: Family discount, but first we'll ave' to find your little willies!

  • Jeremy Lewis: What's your handicap, Bryn? [Smashes golf club into Bryn's knee]
  • Bryn Cartwright: [In agony, with tape over his mouth] MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!
  • Jeremy Lewis: Not bad.

Terry Walsh[edit]

  • You're an iffy copper that does a little bit a this, a little bit a that, but knows where to draw the thin blue line right fuckin wrong, don't ya, Greyo?

  • Terry: What the fuck does that mean Greyo?
  • Greyo: What does what mean?
  • Terry: That, "ambition is fucking critical."
  • Greyo: It say's "ambition is critical." There's no "fucking" in it.

External links[edit]

IMDB Twin Town Quotes

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