All right now, I'm comin' out. Any man I see out there, I'm gonna kill him. Any son of a bitch that takes a shot at me, I'm not only gonna kill him. I'm gonna kill his wife, all his friends, burn his damn house down!
You better bury Ned right! Better not cut up nor otherwise harm no whores, or I'll come back and kill every one of you sons of bitches.
[to English Bob] You been talking about the queen again? [punches him] On Independence Day?
[kicking English Bob] I guess you think I'm kicking you, Bob. But it ain't so. What I'm doing is talking. You hear? I'm talking to all those villains down there in Kansas. I'm talking to all those villains in Missouri and all those villains down there in Cheyenne. And what I'm saying is there ain't no whore's gold! And if there was, how they wouldn't want to come looking for it anyhow.
[Sending English Bob on his way after beating and jailing him] I suppose you know, Bob, if I ever see you again I'm just going to start shooting and figure it was self-defense.
Look son, being a good shot, being quick with a pistol, that don't do no harm, but it don't mean much next to being cool-headed. A man who will keep his head and not get rattled under fire, like as not, he'll kill ya. It ain't so easy to shoot a man anyhow, especially if the son-of-a-bitch is shootin' back at you.
Now Ned, them whores are going to tell different lies than you. And when their lies ain't the same as your lies— Well, I ain't gonna hurt no woman. But I'm gonna hurt you. And not gentle like before, but bad!
[With William Munny's shotgun pointed at himself] All right, gentlemen. He's got one barrel left. And when he fires that, take out your pistols and shoot him down like the mangy scoundrel he is! [Will's gun clicks] Misfire! Kill the son of a bitch!
English Bob: [discussing the assassination of President Garfield] If you were to try to assassinate a king, sir, the — how shall I say it? — the aura of royalty would cause you to miss. But, a president— [chuckles] I mean, why not shoot a president?
English Bob: [accent changing rapidly from plummy English to Cockney] A plague on you. A plague on the whole stinking lot of ya, without morals or laws. And all you whores got no laws. You got no honor. It's no wonder you all emigrated to America, because they wouldn't have you in England. You're a lot of savages, that's what you all are. A bunch of bloody savages. A plague on you. I'll be back.
Clyde: [about the house the Sheriff's building] You know, he don't have a straight angle in that whole god-damned porch, or the whole house for that matter. He is the worst damn carpenter.
Skinny Dubois: You know how women lie.
Strawberry Alice: Just because we let them smelly fools ride us like horses don't mean we gotta let 'em brand us like horses. Maybe we ain't nothing but whores but we, by god, we ain't horses.
Schofield Kid: Like I was saying, you don't look no meaner-than-hell, cold-blooded damn killer.
Will Munny: Maybe I ain't.
Kid: Yeah, well, Uncle Pete says you was the meanest goddamn son of a bitch alive, and if I ever wanted a partner for a killin', you were the worst one. Meaning the best, on account as you're as cold as the snow and you don't have no weak nerve nor fear.
Will: Pete said that, huh?
Kid: Yeah, yeah he did. I'm a damn killer myself, 'cept, uh, I ain't killed as many as you on account of my youth.
Ned Logan: Hell, Will. We ain't bad men no more. Shit, we're farmers.
Will Munny: Should be easy killing them, supposing they don't go on down to Texas first.
Ned: How long has it been since you fired a gun at a man, Will? Nine, ten years?
Ned: Easy, huh? Hell, I don't know that it was all that easy even back then. And we was young and full of beans. I mean, if you was mad at 'em, Will, I mean. If they'd done you some wrong, I could see shooting 'em.
Will: We done stuff for money before, Ned.
Ned: Yeah, we thought we did. All right, so what did these fellas do? Cheat at cards? Steal some strays? Spit on a rich fella? What?
Will: No, they cut up a woman.
Will: Yeah, they cut up her face, cut her eyes out, cut her fingers off, cut her teats, everything but her cunny, I suppose.
Ned: I'll be dogg - Golly, I guess they got it comin'. 'Course, you know, Will, if Claudia was alive you wouldn't be doin' this.
Will Munny: I ain't like that no more. I ain't the same, Ned. Claudia, she straightened me up, cleared me of drinkin' whiskey and all. Just 'cause we're goin' on this killing, that don't mean I'm gonna go back to bein' the way I was. I just need the money, get a new start for them youngsters. Ned, you remember that drover I shot through the mouth and his teeth came out the back of his head? I think about him now and again. He didn't do anything to deserve to get shot, at least nothin' I could remember when I sobered up.
Ned Logan: You were crazy, Will.
Will: Yeah, no one liked me. Mountain boys all thought I was gonna shoot 'em out of pure meanness.
Ned: Well, like you said, you ain't like that no more.
Will: That's right. I'm just a fella now. I ain't no different than anyone else no more.
Little Bill Daggett: It's been a long time, Bob. You run out of Chinamen?
English Bob: Little Bill! Well, I thought you was — Well, I thought that you were dead. I see you've shaved your chin whiskers off.
Little Bill: I was tasting the soup two hours after I et [ate] it.
English Bob: Well, actually, what I heard was that you fell off your horse — drunk, of course — and that you broke your bloody neck.
Little Bill: I heard that one myself, Bob. Hell, I even thought I was dead 'til I found out it was just that I was in Nebraska.
Little Bill Daggett: [telling the real story of English Bob's gunfight] Well, that bullet whizzin' by panicked Corky, an' he done the wrong thing! Pulled his gun in such a damn hurry he shot off his own toe. Meantime, Bob aims good and squeezes off another... but he's still so damned drunk he misses an' hits this thousand dollar mirror behind the bar.
Well, now the Duck of Death is as good as dead 'cause this time Corky does it right an' aims real good, no hurry... Bam! That Walker Colt blew up in his hand... which was a failing common to that model. Now if Corky would have really had two guns instead of just a big dick he could have defended himself to the end.
W.W. Beauchamp: You mean Bob shot him after his hand had been...
Little Bill: Well he wasn't gonna wait for Corky to grow a new hand. He walked over real slow, 'cause he was drunk, an' shot him right through the liver [makes popping sound].
Will Munny: I seen him, Ned. I seen the angel of death. He's got snake eyes!
Ned Logan: Who Will? Who's got snake eyes?
Will: It's the angel of death. Oh Ned, I'm scared of dyin'.
Ned: Easy, partner. Easy.
Will: I seen Claudia too.
Ned: That's good, Will. That's good you saw Claudia, ain't it?
Will: Her face was all covered with worms! Oh Ned, I'm scared of dyin'. Don't tell nobody — don't tell my kids — none of the things I done. Hear me?
Ned: All right, Will.
Strawberry Alice: You just kicked the shit out of an innocent man.
Little Bill Daggett: Innocent? Innocent of what?
Ned Logan: I sure do miss my bed.
Will Munny: You said that last night.
Ned: No. last night I said I missed my wife. Tonight I just miss my dadgummed bed.
Delilah Fitzgerald: Are you still goin' to kill those men?
Will Munny: I reckon so. The money's still available, ain't it?
Delilah: Yeah. Your two friends have been taking advances on the money.
Delilah: You know, free ones. [Will looks confused] Alice and Silky been givin' them free ones. Would you like a free one?
Will: I reckon not.
Delilah: I didn't mean with me. Alice and Silky would be glad to give you one.
Will: I meant I didn't want a free one with Alice or Silky because of my wife back home. I reckon if I was to want a free one, it would be with you.
Davey: I'm dyin' boys. Jesus, I'm so thirsty.
Will Munny: Give him a drink of water, goddamn it. Will you give him a drink of water for Christ's sake? We ain't gonna shoot.
Schofield Kid: Say, Will?
Will Munny: Yeah?
Kid: That was the first one.
Will: First one what?
Kid: First one I ever killed.
Kid: You know how I said I shot five men? It weren't true. That Mexican who come at me with a knife? I just busted his leg with a shovel. I didn't kill him or nothin' neither.
Will: Well, you sure killed the hell outta that fella today.
Kid: Hell yeah! I killed the hell out of him, didn't I? Three shots and he was takin' a shit!
Will: Take a drink, kid.
Kid: Jesus Christ! It don't seem real. Guy ain't gonna never breathe again ever. Now he's dead, and the other one too, all on account of pullin' a trigger.
Will: It's a hell of a thing, killin' a man. You take away all he's got and all he's ever gonna have.
Kid: Yeah. Well, I guess they had it comin'.
Will: We all have it comin', kid.
Will Munny: Wanna help me count this, kid?
Schofield Kid: I trust you.
Will: Don't go trusting me too much.
Schofield Kid: [referring to his gun] You go on, keep it. I'm never gonna use it again. I won't kill nobody no more. I ain't like you, Will. [indicating the money] Go on, keep it — all of it. It's yours.
Will Munny: What about the spectacles and fancy clothes?
Kid: I guess I'd rather be blind and ragged than dead.
Will: You don't have to worry, kid. I ain't gonna kill you. You're the only friend I got. Here, take this money and give my half and Ned's half to my kids. Tell 'em if I ain't back in a week, they give half to Sally Two Trees. You keep the rest. You can get them spectacles now.
Will Munny: Who's the fella owns this shithole? [to Fatty] You, fat man, speak up.
Skinny Dubois: Uh, I own this establishment. I bought the place from Greeley for a thousand dollars.
Will: (To the men behind Skinny) You better clear out of there
Man: Yes sir
Little Bill Daggett: (As Munny takes aim) Just hold it right there. Hold it! [Munny shoots him] You, sir, are a cowardly son of a bitch! You just shot an unarmed man!
Will: Well he should have armed himself if he's gonna decorate his saloon with my friend.
Little Bill: You'd be William Munny out of Missouri, killer of women and children?
Will: That's right. I've killed women and children. I've killed just about everything that walks or crawls at one time or another, and I'm here to kill you, Little Bill, for what you did to Ned.
Little Bill: [walking toward Will] All right boys, he's only got one barrel left. When he fires, take out your pistols and shoot him down like the mangy scoundrel he is!
W.W. Beauchamp: Who'd you kill first? Was it Little Bill? When confronted by superior numbers, an experienced gunfighter will always fire on the best shot first.
Will Munny: Is that a fact? [Beauchamp nods] I was lucky in the order, but I've always been lucky when it comes to killin' folks.
Bill Daggett: I don't deserve this — to die like this. I was building a house.
Will Munny: Deserve's got nothing to do with it. [aims gun]