Doc: [answering phone] Ellingham? [to Elaine] Doc: It's for you. Elaine: I'm not here. Doc: Elaine's not here. Elaine: Hang on. Is that Greg? Doc: Are you Greg? Elaine for you. Elaine: [whispers] I'm not talking to Greg.

Marianne Walker: Am I your first official patient? Martin: Indeed you are yes. Collect a thousand loyalty points and you get a free coffin.

Doc: Bodmin thats some sort of indeering local term for barmy right? Bert: Well someone who's Bodmin is, well its kind of like, well the thing is, ok now what happens is... Doc: Treat yourself to a noun

Martin: Look I'm not interested in your oppinion as to whether I seem a bit bodmin, or a bit lonely, or how far it is to Dehlobole. It's just a dog

Series 1, Episode 2: Gentlemen prefer Louisa: Being Doctor here is more than just handing out pills. Martin: Yes its handing out buscuits as well#

Louisa: You'd think when you have exactly one patient you'd want to go and visit him in the hospital Roger: (very hoarse and struggling to speak) He did come and see me Louisa: Right, well. You could of told me Martin: I tried but that woman shushed me

Series 1, Episode 3: Sh*t Happens Joan: Look, Marty, you do realise that the villagers are dusting off their pitchforks, don't you? Martin: Yes. Exactly how many generations ago did the inbreeding start with these people?

Series 1, Episode 6: Haemaphoebia Doc: What do you want Adrian? Adrian: I want you to put in a word for me with Chris Parsons. You see, Faulkner is about to move on. Doc: And you're ready to step up? Adrian: Yes, but I'm getting some resistance from Chris Parsons. Since you two are mates I wondered if you might give him a call. Doc: I've spoken to Chris. He rang me. He thinks you're an arse. I think you're an arse too. Enjoy your weekend. [Adrian storms out] Doc: Arse.

The Office

Dwight Schrute: Someone forged medical information, and that's a felony. Jim Halpert: OK, Whoa, all right 'cause that's a pretty intense accusation. How do you know that they're fake? Dwight Schrute: [reading from a sheet] Uh, Leprosy, Flesh Eating Bacteria, Hot Dog Fingers, Government Created Killer Nano Robot Infection.

Michael Scott: You'll notice, I didn't have anybody being Arab. I thought that would be too explosive, uh, no pun intended. But I just thought, "too soon" for Arabs, maybe next year. You know, the ball's in their court.

Michael Scott: Yes. It is true. I, Michael Scott, am signing up with an online dating service. Thousands of people have done it, and I am going to do it. I need a username, and... I have a great one. "Little Kid Lover". That way people will know exactly where my priorities are at.

Michael Scott: I am Michael, and I am part English, Irish, German, and Scottish, sort of a virtual United Nations.

Oscar: Both my parents were born in Mexico, and they moved to the United States a year before I was born, so I grew up in the United States... my parents were Mexican. Michael Scott: Wow, that is a great story. That's the American dream right there, right? Um, let me ask you, is there a term besides 'Mexican' that you prefer? Something less offensive?

Dwight Schrute: In the wild, there is no health care. In the wild, health care is, "Ow, I hurt my leg. I can't run. A lion eats me and I'm dead." Well, I'm not dead. I'm the lion, you're dead.

Michael Scott: The most sacred thing I do is care... Today I am in charge of picking a great new healthcare plan. Right? That's what this is all about. Does that make me their doctor? Um, yes. Like a specialist.

Dwight Schrute: Through concentration, I can raise and lower my cholesterol at will. Pam Beesley: Why would you wanna raise your cholesterol? Dwight Schrute: So I can lower it.

Dwight Schrute: The purse girl hits everything on my checklist: creamy skin, straight teeth, curly hair, amazing breasts. Not for me... for my children. The Schrutes produce very thirsty babies.

Roots (tv miniseries)

In light of the recent events in our country's growing conversation of racial-related issues involving the dismissal of Don Imus, I would like to request that a "Roots" page be created. Maybe this will assist in the need for proper discourse about this subject.