Xiaolin Showdown

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Xiaolin Showdown (2003-2006) is an animated television show about a group of four young Xiaolin monks: Omi, Kimiko, Raimundo and Clay whose task is to collect powerful items known as Shen Gong Wu while battling the evil Jack Spicer and the ancient Heylin witch Wuya, who are also after the artifacts.

Season 1 (2003-2004)[edit]

The Journey of a Thousand Miles [1.1][edit]

Narrator: Thousands of years ago, a furious battle was waged between the great and noble Xiaolin Dragon Dashi and the evil Heylin witch Wuya. This was the first Xiaolin Showdown. Wuya pitted her dark magic against Dashi and his mystical power objects, the Shen Gong Wu. In the end, Dashi triumphed, and Wuya was forever imprisoned in a simple wooden puzzle box. The threat averted, Dashi spread his Shen Gong Wu around the earth. For generations, they have secretly maintained the balance of good and evil. And a long line of Xiaolin Dragons has stood ready to face evil, should that balance ever shift.

[at the Xiaolin Temple, must deal with the new recruits, Raimundo Pedrosa, Kimiko Tohomiko, and Clay Bailey]
Master Fung: Omi, I would like you to meet Raimundo.
Raimundo: ‘Sup?
Master Fung: Kimiko.
Kimiko: He said that? [gasped] Hey. No way!
Master Fung: And Clay.
Clay: Howdy.
Omi: Master, where are the new students?
Master Fung: Right in front of you, Omi.
Omi: They are not what I expected.
Master Fung: The best things in life rarely are.
Omi: You are right, master. Welcome, my new and strangely-attired friends.
Master Fung: I must be going, young ones. I can see there is much teaching to be done here.
Omi: Yes, master. Much teaching indeed.

Omi: What is that? Is it magic?
Kimiko: It's a PDA. I'm sending a message to a friend in Tokyo.
Omi: A secret message?
Kimiko: Nah. I'm just telling her I met a very strange kid who apparently doesn't know about personal space issues.
Omi: Really? Who? [Points at Clay] Is it that guy?
Clay: Not me, partner.
Raimundo: It's you, chrome dome.

[Meanwhile, meet the evil boy genius, Jack Spicer]
Jack: I want to rule the whole world! All of it! Not some of it. Not just Iceland or Fiji. I wanna rule the whole world!
Jack-bot: Pardon me, sir.
Jack: What? Can’t you see I’m on an evil rant here?
Jack-bot: Yes, sir, but your father sent you a gift from Hong Kong.
Jack: Oh, a puzzle box. Oh, let’s see. And my prize is...a mask? Lame. All right, back to world conquest. My favorite pastime. Now, let’s see. Europe might not be a bad place to start. Or is that too obvious? Could go in for the unexpected, like Paraguay. But is that enough of an attention grabber? Could go down through Africa, over to South America and...
Wuya: Onward to Asia.
Jack: [screamed in shock] Spooky ghost lady! Attack!
Wuya: Plans for world conquest? My dear boy, we have much in common. What’s your name?
Jack: Jack Spicer. Who are you? What are you?
Wuya: Me? I’m your new best friend.

Raimundo: Right. Like we're gonna take directions from a gecko.
Dojo: Gecko!? Don't ever call me gecko!
Raimundo: Eh, my mistakes.

Dojo: Wuya! Wow, the years have not been kind to you.

Master Fung: It is your most solemn duty as Xiaolin Warriors to find all the Shen Gong Wu before Wuya does.
Raimundo: [raises hand] I have a question.
Master Fung: Yes, Raimundo?
Raimundo: I saw my room, and no bed. Just a mat. What the dealy? [Everyone stares at him] Um, we can talk later...

Dojo: Can't believe I went from Temple Guardian to babysitter in less than a day!

Omi: And so our grand quest begins. Follow me, TO VICTORY! [From off-screen] I have no idea where I'm going.

[Raimundo turns off the game Omi is playing and Omi starts crying]
Omi: YAAH! MY LITTLE FRIEND HAS BEEN TAKEN BY THE DARK FORCES OF EVIL! [to the game] Po-chi are you in there?!Can you hear the sound of my voice?!
[Raimundo laughs and Kimiko punches him]
Kimiko: Don't mess with the monk!
Raimundo: [Grimacing] Girl, you hit hard!

Raimundo: It’s a what now?
Dojo: A Xiaolin Showdown. It’s what happens when two warriors reach a stalemate over a Shen Gong Wu. Two words: Freak-y.
Omi: Jack Spicer, I challenge you to a Xiaolin Showdown! I wager my Two-Ton Tunic against your Mantis Flip Coin. Whoever reaches the last stone first wins the Eye of Dashi. And the other Shen Gong Wu as well.
Wuya: Accept the challenge. Accept it!
Jack: I accept your challenge, Omi.
Omi: Let’s go! Xiaolin Showdown!

Dojo: That’s a Xiaolin Showdown for ya. Always keeps you guessing. Gong Yi Tanpai! That means “go”.

Master Fung: You have all done exceptionally well. Wouldn’t you agree, Dojo?
Dojo: Not bad, for amateurs.
Master Fung: The journey of a thousand miles begins with but a single step.
Dojo: Where do you get this stuff?
Master Fung: I have a desk calendar.
Omi: Master Fung, there are so many Shen Gong Wu left to be found.
Master Fung: Your new friends will help.
Omi: Oh, yes, master. I have already taught much to Kimiko, Raimundo, and Clay.
Master Fung: But, Omi, they are here to teach you.
Omi: But I am the chosen one.
Master Fung: You aren’t the only chosen one, Omi. Someday your new friends may become Dragons, as well. Kimiko, the Dragon of Fire. Clay, the Dragon of Earth. And Raimundo, the Dragon of the Wind.
Omi: Is this true, master?
Master Fung: Yes, but I didn’t want to tell you until you were ready.
[Omi groans]
Clay: I don’t think he was ready.

Like a Rock! [1.2][edit]

Omi: I foolishly and shamefully lost a quarter second on the sandbags. As you might say, I smell bad.
Raimundo: I stink, not I smell bad.
Omi: I stink?
Raimundo: Yeah, and you smell bad, too. [laughs]

Clay: Hmm, seems like the feller don't mean any harm.

Dojo: Ooh, that Fist of Tebigong must be close, 'cause I'm getting a wicked case of Shen Gong Wu rash! Yeah, it kinda itches here, but it's more burny down there, and behind the my tail I've got this unsightly cracking. I mean it, it's ooh.
Kimiko: I meant with the location of the Shen Gong Wu!

Jack Spicer: First order of business when I rule the world: vaporize all mimes.

Raimundo: There has gotta be some way outta here. Okay. Those walls are solid.
Kimiko: Let me try. [she throws Raimundo on a mime wall] You're right. Those walls are solid.

Raimundo: Well, this is nice, eh? The three of us friends having a few laughs together. But where’s our fourth friend, Mr. Clay? Oh, that’s right. HE'S LOSING THE FIST OF TEBIGONG TO JACK SPICER! DID YOU GUYS FORGET THAT?!

Raimundo: So, Clay? Can I give the Eye of Dashi a try?
Clay: Sure thing, Raimundo.
Omi: What? Why? I should try it before you. I found it.
Raimundo: Your snooze, your lose!
Omi: Then perhaps, I'll try the Fist of Tebigong on your head!
Kimiko: Guys, knock it off! Or I'll Third Arm Sash your mouths shut!

Tangled Web [1.3][edit]

Omi: Yuck! This candy tastes most unpleasant!
Raimundo: That 'cause it's lipstick.

Dojo: [shivering] This water's cold. I'm tellin' ya, I don't know how my cousin, Nessie, stands living here! 'Course, if you ask me, she likes all the attention! "Hey, look! It's the Loch Ness Monster!"
Scottish Man: [offscreen] Hey, look! It's the Loch Ness Monster!
Dojo: See?

Omi: [reading the "Ancient Guide to Females"] Oh yes! Females are easily frightened!
Kimiko: [obviously irked] You're lucky you're cute, Omi.

Omi: I am very surprised Kimiko can lift such a heavy pot with her delicate female arms.
Kimiko: [angry] WHAT!?!?

Omi: The Golden Tiger Claws are inside that palace?
Dojo: That's what this rash is telling me. Ohhh. Wonder if there's an ointment for this? Ahhhh-hhhh!
Raimundo: How do we get in there?
Clay: Maybe if we knock on the door and ask real nice like?
Dojo: That's the Emperor Palace. They don't just let anybody in there. We need connections!
Kimiko: Oh, no worries. I'll call my dad.

Katnappe! [1.4][edit]

Jack Spicer: Stay out of this Ashley.
Katnappé: My evil name's Katnappe, doofus.
Jack Spicer: Who you calling' doofus, Kitty Litter?
Katnappé: Who you calling' Kitty Litter, Robo-freak?
Wuya: Enough! Cease your bickering.

Dojo: [after Omi's defeat] What happened? I blinked and missed it.

Katnappé: See you, Xiaolin Warriors. I've got more shopping to do. Me-ow!
Dojo: Except for the parts where she slapped us silly and got away, I think that went pretty well.

Shen Yi Bu [1.5][edit]

Jack: Uh-huh, hmm. So, Mr. Tubbimura, tell us about yourself. Why should Jack Spicer, evil incorporated, hire you?
Tubbimura: [Bowing] Hai. Well er, I have, as you can see, extensive experience wreaking havoc and destruction.
Jack: Yeah not really looking for H and D.
Tubbimura: Er, I also have solid grasp of mayhem.
Wuya: Mayhem is good.
Jack: There's always a need for mayhem.

Tubbimura: You must choose. Drop the Sword of the Storm or fall.
Raimundo: 'Kay, I choose fall.

Master Fung: You weren't defeated by your opponent Raimundo.
Raimundo: Oh, no? Would you like to see the impression of his boot on my butt?
Master Fung: [Hurriedly] Oh, that won't be necessary. You were defeated by your lack of knowledge. Remember, a drop of knowledge is more powerful than a sea of force.
Raimundo: [Sighs] Can't anyone speak normally around here?
Master Fung: Reflect on these things. As for me, I think I shall try my hand at Goo Zombies 2.

Chameleon [1.6][edit]

Clay: Face it, Raimundo. He's all over you like stink on a skunk.
Raimundo: Ah-ah! The master isn't through yet. Gotcha, don't I?
Omi: No, the Ace is in your sleeve. I only hesitate because I'm thinking of Kimiko again. Or perhaps I should say, the one who calls herself Kimiko.
Raimundo: You're tiger instincts are keen, bro. But your theory about Kim is… I don't know, it's--
Clay: Buggier than a June bug?
Raimundo: Yeah, it's buggier than a June bug.
Omi: No. I am sure of myself on this matter. But if you will not listen, perhaps Master Fung will.

Omi: [points at "Kimiko" taking the Shen Gong Wu to Clay and Raimundo] See? You see, you see, you see?!
Clay: I see but…I do not wanna believe.
Raimundo: NIFTY! I should've caught it at NIFTY!
Omi: Imposter, show your true form!
Kimiko (Chameleon): How about if I show you this instead?

Jack Spicer: Jack Spicer, evil boy genius. [starts putting the Shen Gong Wu in his sack while singing a tune]

Clay: Aw, man! That's the second hat this week. Now I'm mad! [starts huffing and puffing angrily]

Ring of the Nine Dragons [1.7][edit]

Jack: Any idea where we're going?
Wuya: No, but I could always glide through the walls, and peek ahead.
Jack: N-not a good idea.
Wuya: Why? You're not afraid of the dark, are you?

Omi: My viper strike was not very good.
Dizzy Omi: I never made it passed level 1.
Fat Omi: I ate cookie dough all night. [burps] Oh. May I never be hungry again.

Omi: Now remember, we must find the.. er... thingie!
Omi clones: [scratching heads] Oh, yes, we must find, we have to find the thingie!

Master Fung: I want them spotless, Omi. Spotless. [holds up a brush and gives Omi an angry look]
Omi: [remorsefully] Yes, Master. Spotless.
[Kimiko, Raimundo, and Clay watch from outside the kitchen]
Master Fung: I will inspect your work in one hour. [leaves the kitchen, slamming the door shut]
Kimiko: Wow, I've never seen Master Fung so upset.
Clay: He looked as mad as a beaver in a petrified forest.
Omi: Master Fung is right to be angry. [starts brushing] I have acted most shamefully. Because of my disobedience, we still only have one Shen Gong Wu.
Raimundo: Yeah, true. [Kimiko angrily nudges him in the arm] Ow! What?! I'm just agreeing with what he said. Besides, maybe it's better this way.

Night of the Sapphire Dragon [1.8][edit]

Dojo: Maybe I can be the dragon of…FIRE!
Kimiko: Sorry, position's filled.
Dojo: Then how 'bout soot?
Raimundo: Soot? Not impressive.
Dojo: And this is comin' from the wind guy? Ooh! How 'bout gas, huh? I eat a few cans o' beans and BAM! I'm in, baby!

Omi: Ha! Right there!
Raimundo: The Sapphire Dragon.
Omi: The most dangerous Shen Gong Wu. It is only to be used as an absolute last resort. It will turn your enemy into a sapphire statue.
Raimundo: And a guy next door, the old lady down the street, the kids at the playground.

[After getting almost blasted by the sapphire dragon]
Raimundo: You think he'd be grateful we rescued him from the volcano.

Dojo: Alright then, just remember, you asked for it! (panicking whimpering)

My Homey Omi [1.9][edit]

Omi: Oh, no! My friends are lost in New York City! How will they survive without ME?!

Kimiko: Dojo, anything you can do here?
Dojo: Eh...uh, gee guys. I-I-I'm not big on trains. A-and that third rail really chafes.
Kimiko: Dojo!
Dojo: Okay, okay.

Jermaine: [To Jack] Are you afraid of getting whooped little boy?

Jack Spicer: Okay, got the Shen Gong Wu. Now, a little vaporizing of our enemies, and we'll call it a day.

Big as Texas [1.10][edit]

Clay: Hey, fellas. [sees his hat full of milk] Huh?!
Omi: Only a 9 1/2 gallons. You get a free hat!
Clay: RAIMUNDO!!!
Raimundo: Think fast! [tosses the filled hat of milk at a furious Clay who chases him around the room] Hey, what's one hat compared to your best friend Raimundo's life?

Raimundo: [cringing] What... did I just land in?
Clay: That would be a cow pie.
Raimundo: No! I know pies! Pies have cherry, or apple, or rhubarb! THIS IS NO PIE!

Daddy Bailey: Clay, I reckon you've been a man longer than I realized
Jack: [To Wuya] How come we don't have a relationship like that?
Wuya: I'm not your mommy! Now pick up your toys Jackie, and let's go home.

Royal Rumble [1.11][edit]

Kimiko: Omi, please tell Clay that he's blocking my light.
Omi: Clay, I have a message from--
Clay: Omi, tell Kimiko that I'll cast my shadow wherever I darn well please.
Omi: Kimiko, Clay responds--
Kimiko: Tell Clay that maybe his shadow wasn't so fat and huge.
Omi: Clay, Kim--
Raimundo: [fully annoyed] Omi, tell Kimiko and Clay that they're both [head enlarges] GIVING ME A HEADACHE!

Omi: My friends! Hearing the sound of your voices again will give me tremendous pleasure.
Kimiko: Omi!
Clay: Run!
Raimundo: It's a trap!
Omi: That did not give me as much pleasure as I had hoped.

Jack: You know this trap would never have worked if I hadn't lost my Xiaolin Showdown in the first place. Wait, that didn't come out right.

Omi: Sun Chi Lantern! [absorbs his friends' chi energies]
Wuya: Stop him! He's merging his chi energy with the others!
Kimko's voice: FIRE!
Clay's voice: EARTH!
Raimundo's voice: WIND!

Jack: Don't make me bust you up, little man.

Kimiko: We got the Serpent's Tail, the Orb of Tornami…
Clay: The Longi Kite…
Raimundo: And the Tongue of Saiping, which I do not recommend touching.

Mala Mala Jong [1.12][edit]

Wuya: Let me guess…you're downloading more of your vapid hippity-hop music.
Jack Spicer:: [imitates buzzer] I'm working up a Shen Gong Wu spreadsheet so we can know who has what. Check it. We have the Eye of Dashi, they have the Tongue of Saiping. We have the Third Arm Sash, they've got the Longi Kite. And those really cool Golden Tiger Claws… Omi sent them to the Earth's core, so nobody has them. How do I file that one?
Wuya: I don't need a scorekeeper! I need someone who will retrieve the Shen Gong Wu and waist time with--wait! I am sensing a new Shen Gong Wu! [gasps] It is the most important of them all. The Heart of Jong!

Jack Spicer: Smell ya later, losers! [Tries to fly off but has his foot caught in a lasso]
Clay: You'll smell us NOW, ya dirty snake!
Kimiko: Smell us now?
Raimundo: Clay's villain taunting needs some serious work.

Omi: Oh, yes. Squirrels are most fearsome opponents.

Kimiko: Now what? we just camp out here and wait?
Dojo: How 'bout we "sing songs" Or-or tell "ghost stories" Or ah..oh, oh, oh, oh! I know. S'mores!
Raimundo: Mala Mala Jong could be attacking the temple right now. We should be fighting with Master Fung!
Omi: Master Fung order us to guard the Shen Gong Wu.
Raimundo: But...
Omi: All we can do is formulate a plan to defeat Mala Mala Jong in case...
Clay: Master Fung fails.

In the Flesh [1.13][edit]

Jack: Hey you know what they say, finders keepers, losers weepers.
Omi: The only one being a weeping loser is you Jack Spicer! And you Wuya! You shall weep over your loss as well!
Jack: Wow! That is the lamest taunt ever. Stick to the jumping and kicking Omi.
Omi: As you wish!

Raimundo: So, that's the way it's gonna be, huh?
Kimiko: You tell us, Raimundo.
Clay: You can always drop the Shen Gong Wu and leave.
Raimundo: Nah, I'm up for a Xiaolin slap down.
Omi: Raimundo, I am starting to think you are not enacting some sort of SECRET ELABORATE PLAN.
Raimundo: Nothin' escapes you, Omi.
Omi: Not even you!
Raimundo: Wrong.

Season 2 (2004-2005)[edit]

Days Past [2.1][edit]

Dojo: Hah! The joke's on you Wuya! You broke the Reversing Mirror. Seven years bad luck! In, your, face!
Wuya: Actually, since its the Reversing Mirror, its seven years good luck.
Dojo: Ooh, hadn't thought of that. Crud.

Omi: I am most confused. If you were just going to give me the pebble, why make me go through the whole Showdown?
Dashi: Two reasons. One, it was funny.
Dojo: True.
Dashi: Two, to teach you something.

Wuya: Crush them.
Dojo: [girly shriek] A retreat might be in order, here!!

Citadel of Doom [2.2][edit]

Kimiko: You...You...YOU!!...
Clay: Doofus?
Kimiko: (to Clay) Thank you. (to Jack) YOU DOOFUS! You trapped Omi in the past forever!

Wuya: How like Dashi to give you the tool but not the knowledge of how to use it. He always was a fool. A smart dresser, but a fool.

Jack Spicer: Me? Fighting for good? In a bathrobe? Forget it. Next time we meet, we're enemies again.
[Is about to fly off when Omi grabs his trenchcoat and gives him sad eyes.]
Jack Spicer: But maybe some time, if we're not fighting over Shen Gong Wu, we can all go for ice cream. My treat.
Omi: Yes that would be most nice. We could get a Monday!
Clay: Sundae.
Omi: Even better!

Kimiko: What's the matter, Rai? You look pretty bored for a guy who rules the world.
Raimundo: What are you doing here!? Did you decide to join me?
Clay: Nope. Still rather kiss the backside of a mule.
Kimiko: We escaped, Raimundo. So be cool and let us go.
Dojo: Or be a loser and come after us.
Raimundo: Better run, 'cause I'm coming after you.
Kimiko: Have it your way.
Raimundo: C'mon. We got some former friends to catch.

The Shard of Lightning [2.3][edit]

Wuya: You thought I'd stay out of that box forever, didn't you?
Omi: Yes, I did, Wuya. Well, another 1500 years would have been nice!

Master Fung: As soon as the user brings forth the power of the shard, he can move so fast no one can see him.

Omi: I would not count your ducks before they emerge from their shells!
Raimundo:...that one wasn't even close.

Omi: Hello, I'm ready to showdown here.

Katnappe: Stop copy me!
Two Jack: Stop copy me!
Katnappe: Quit it!
Two Jack: Quit it!
[Katnappe look at the watch]
Katnappe: That's it!

The Crystal Glasses [2.4][edit]

Wuya: [Talking to Omi] Soon you will be my greatest ally!
Jack: I'll even write your own evil theme music! [dramatic music plays] Dun-dun-dun-dun-dun!
Omi: This is NOT right!

Pandatown [2.5][edit]

Jack Spicer: [To Pandabubba] All you want is Hong Kong?! Can't I at least get double-crossed by somebody with some vision?

Raimundo: Come on, guys. You're making this too easy for me.

Raimundo: Come on, Omi! It’s a classic gong game!
Omi: Okay, I hear your concerns and I will take them under advisement with the apprentice’s. Clay, Kimiko?
Clay: I reckon’ we don't have a better choice.
Kimiko: Let’s give a shot.
Raimundo: What?! You’re believing Jack Spicer over ME?! That’s it! I'm finding my own way in, and anyone who wants can go with me!

Clay: Two-Ton Tunic!
Raimundo:: Eye of Dashi!
Kimiko: Third-Arm Sash!
Omi: Orb of Tornami!

Kimiko: Come on, Rai. You can still win this.
Omi: Just think: "What would Omi do"?

Wuya: Forget it, Jack. What happens in Pandatown stays in Pandatown.

Sizing Up Omi [2.6][edit]

Omi: [gets an idea] Raimundo, that is the answer! I will grow bigger backwards!
Kimiko: He got me on that one.
Omi: Clay, may I please bore the Reversing Mirror? Raimundo, may I please borrow the Changing Chopsticks?
Clay: Where are you going with this, Omi?
Omi: Changing Chopsticks! Reversing Mirror! [grows bigger] Now there is nothing I cannot accomplish! Except perhaps explaining to Master Fung about the temple ceiling.

Clay: You OKAY down there, partner?
Omi: Oh, yes! Dojo's earwax is most convenient! But I do wish I had a better view. Ah, that is much better!
Dojo: Better hope I don't sneeze!
Omi: Nooo, you have very clean sinuses! I thank you!

Enter the Dragon [2.7][edit]

Dojo: Why is everybody looking at me like I'm some sort of freak? I AM NOT A FREAK!
Clay: Relax, Dojo. Nobody is saying anything [whispers out loud].

Omi: Has Dojo ever gotten out of his box?
Master Fung: It's only happened once. It was the last time anyone saw... Atlantis.

Omi: Why should I remain behind and Raimundo go? It took him the longest to become an apprentice, and no one thought he would make it! [Raimundo clears his throat] Uh, I mean, except for me?

Dojo: [as Master Fung] Omi, it is Master Fung. Dojo is holding me prisoner!
Omi: No. I do not believe you! [eats an eggroll]
Dojo: [as a sad little girl; crying] Please let me out. I'm lost! [cries]
Omi: No! No, I cannot!
Dojo: [as a mother version of Omi] Omi, this is your mother speaking. You open that door this instant!
Omi: Dojo, you are merely wasting your efforts. Besides, I am an orphan.
Dojo: [as Omi] Omi, it's Omi. You've got to let me out!
Omi: [irritated] Oh, this is not getting most ridiculous!

Omi: I did not abandon my post! I am still at my post, actually I am inside my post! But that Dojo pulled his sweater over my eyes!
Raimundo: Alright, that's gotta be Omi.

Master Fung: Who let Dojo out?
[Clay, Raimundo and Kimiko take one step to the left from Omi]
Omi: [ashamed with dismay] I am so ashamed. It appears Dojo is one very crafty dragon.
Master Fung: Oh, this is not good.

Kimiko: He does know how to make an entrance.

Master Fung: Remember, Omi. The future of the world is in your hands.

The Sands of Time [2.8][edit]

Jack: [Holding the Sands of Time] Looking for this, Xiaolin losers? Too bad! You're out of luck and out of time! Haahaaha!
Omi: It was up to me to find the Sands of Time and I failed all of you. My friends, Master Fung and the entire universe! I believe that about covers it.

Jack: I guess this would be the part where I let out my new trademark evil laugh. Hahahahahahhahahahah! Muahahahahahaha! [This continues for several seconds]
Omi: Not so fast Spicer! He who is last to be laughing laughs most loudly!
Raimundo: What Omi did to that sentence is what we're going to do to you!

Jack: [holding the Sweet Baby Among Us Wu] It's like taking candy from a bunch of babies!
Old Jack: Eh? Who's got the babies?
Jack: Hurry up, old timer. We gotta get the Ruby of Ramses before it reveals itself.

Jack: I've got two words for you. GYM MEMBERSHIP!

Hear Some Evil, See Some Evil [2.9][edit]

Clay: [Jack is reading Clay's mind] That Jack is slower than a three-legged cow in quicksand!
Jack: What!? I'm faster than any three-legged cow! [is hit by Omi]

[Megan appears in front of the monks rolling in the Jack's shield]
Megan: Hi, I'm Megan.
Raimundo: Oh, there's something you don't see every day. A little girl in a hamster ball.
Megan: Are you looking for Jack Spicer and the ugly old hag? [everyone nods and she gets out of the shield] My stupid cousin Jack thinks he locked me inside that thing but I found the door.

Dreamscape [2.10][edit]

Jack: When hunting the elusive wu, you have to move as quiet as a cat. [stubs toe] OOOOWWWWWWWWW, OOOOHHH THAT HURT!!!! [Screams loudly, then covers up mouth]
Kimiko: Yawn.

Jack: [Flying away] Don't worry Xiaolin Losers! I'll thank you in my acceptance speech! Hahahahaha!

Master Monk Guan [2.11][edit]

Chase Young: It will be up to you Dojo. Your stay here can be a pleasant or an unpleasant experience.
Dojo: [Quickly] I choose pleasant, how about pleasant, pleasant would be nice.
Chase Young: I thought you might.

Dojo: You know, I can still fit into the same swimming trunks I wore 1500 years ago!
Kimiko: [giggles] You mean your old toga?

Omi: Dojo, are you alright?
Dojo: [Annoyed] I'm sitting in a pot of soup, what do you think?!

The Evil Within [2.12][edit]

Raimundo: Hey, Omi, everything cool?
Omi: Yes, Raimundo. I believe everything is the correct temperature.

Raimundo: I can't believe something that small could put up such a big fight!
Omi: [grabbing Raimundo's shirt] What! I am not that small!
Kimiko: I think he was talking about Sibini.
Omi: Oh, yes! He is very small.

The Deep Freeze [2.13][edit]

Dojo: Hey, gang, got a live one incoming. It's the Shen Gong Wu called the Lunar Locket. Whoever possesses it, can control the phases of the moon.

Jack: [playing with the Lunar Locket Wu] Look at me! I'm the ruler of the moon. Watch! Look at it dance. Whoo-hoo! This is so awesome!
Wuya: Stop playing with the moon, Jack. It isn't a toy.

Kimiko: Can't stand the heat? Then get off the mountain, tin man.

Omi: You made your bed, Spicer. Now you'll have to eat it!

Dude-Bot: Just because we are mortal enemies, does that mean we can't be friends?

Screams of the Siren [2.14][edit]

Jack: I ask for knife-throwing lessons, mom sends me figure-skating. "You never know when it'll come in handy!" Now I feel kinda a bad for making a robot out of her juicer.
Dojo: That Spicer kid sure has nice form.
Clay: Whoo! Look there, a triple Salchow! [The others stare at him] What? Cowboys can't like figure-skating?
Raimundo: Come on, Omi. Just because you're built like a hockey puck doesn't mean you have to skate like one!

Jack Spicer: I'm an artiste, I communicate with my feet.
Wuya: If I had feet I'd communicate all over you.

Omi: Oh, now I understand! Dyris wanted to know what Shen Gong Wu can create powerful, underground geysers to melt the ice and flood the world.
Klowfange: Are you sure you're on the side of the good?

Kimiko: Did you get the Black Beetle?
Omi: Does it look like I got the Black Beetle?!
Raimundo: No, it looks like you lost the Gills of Hamachi.

Omi: Where are the Shen Gong Wu?! [The Black Beetle Wu appears out of the water] The Black Beetle!
[Omi and Dyris touch the Wu at the same time]
Dyris: [pops out of the water] Back away! It's mine!
Omi: No. It is a Xiaolin Showdown!
Dyris: I'll wager my Fist of Tebigong against your Gills of Hamachi.
Omi: The game is Steal the Wu. Whoever takes the other's Wu first wins. And we play it on dry land!
Klowfange: You fool! You CAN'T let her out of the water! When on dry land, she turns to her true monstrous form!
Omi: How bad can she be? [turns around seeing Dyris in her true form] Oh. That bad. [sighs] Let's go! Xiaolin Showdown!

The Black Vipers [2.15][edit]

Clay: [After setting Raimundo on fire] I'm sorry, Rai, I couldn't help it. I smell my favourite meal and I-
Kimiko: EVERY meal is your favourite meal, Clay!
Raimundo: I can't believe your first loyalty is to a pork chop!

[The group are tied to the ceiling upside down]
Jessie: Well it looks like our uninvited guests have decided on an extended stay in the HOSPITALITY suite.
Omi: Why, thank you! That sounds most inviting! Where do we go?
Raimundo: Omi, we're already in the hospitality suite.
Omi: Oh. I see. Perhaps I am misunderstanding the meaning of hospitality.
Kimiko: Or the meaning of sarcasm.
Omi: Oh, darn this sarcasm! It always seems to grab my goat!

Jack: Yes! I get this makes me queen!
[Everyone in the room looks at him oddly; a girl laughs]
Jack: ...King.

Omi: [sighs] This is the most disappointing event turning since the last...
Raimundo: Is it possible you're going for TURN OF EVENTS?

[Clay and Jessie rush over and touch the bag of Wu at the same time]
Jessie: Looks like if you want your rewards, you and me are gonna have a Xiaolin Showdown.
Clay: I accept. Your Silk Spitter against my Changing Chopsticks.
Jessie: The game is Demolition Viper Bike Derby! First to make it out in one piece, wins.
Clay: Let's just get this over with. Let's go. Xiaolin Showdown!

The Emperor Scorpion Strikes Back [2.16][edit]

[Jack has copied himself with the Ring of Nine Dragons]
Old-looking Jack: Foul!
Jack and Fat Jack: I didn't touch you!
Fat Jack: Did not... [they start fighting, old Jack also fights]
Wuya: Stop! The Ring of Nine Dragons is for creating evil, not for copying yourself for your own amusement, or picking your teeth! [While big headed Jack does so]

Kimiko: Omi, what happened?
Omi: I am afraid, uh… Mala Mala Jong has come to life.
Raimundo: I can't believe we got here too late.
Clay: Oh, man, I feel more embarrassed than a mule at the Kentucky Derby.
[Back at the Xiaolin Temple…]
Master Fung: According to the scroll, the rise of Mala Mala Jong will allow a new Shen Gong Wu to be revealed. It is called the Emperor Scorpion. Whoever possesses it will have control over all Shen Gong Wu. If we can find it, we can use it to break Mala Mala Jong apart before it turns into the Fearsome Four.
Raimundo: Excellent! Great ending and not too long. Dragged a little in the middle though.
Kimiko: Don't get too excited, Raimundo. Here comes the bad part.
Master Fung: If the Emperor Scorpion falls into the wrong hands, the Fearsome Four will be unstoppable. This will be our only chance to save the world from certain destruction.
Raimundo: Why does there always have to be a bad part?

Jack: Hello, Xiaolin losers! Ready to admit defeat?
Omi: Never! I will defeat you and the Fearsome Four!
Jack: [mimicking Omi] "I will defeat you and the Fearsome Four." [gets in Omi's face] Dude, get over yourself!

Kimiko: I can't believe how badly we messed up.
Raimundo: Now that Spicer is in control of the Fearsome Four there's no stopping him.
Clay: Yeah. It's not everyday a fella is responsible for the end of the world.
Omi: No! Stop! When Mala Mala first came together I could've called for your help. It is my fault. But I...ah choose to do it alone. I may have forgotten to mention that before.
Raimundo: It dosen't matter now...woah!
[Omi, Raimundo, Kimiko, and Clay are off the ball and they're falling on a ground]
Master Fung: Working together is more then just fighting together. It is knowing how to use each other 's strengths wisely.
Raimundo: Hey, could somebody please translate.
Clay: Well, I reckon Master Fung is speaking of our elements.
Kimiko: In other words, we should focus on what we do best.
Dojo: Cheer up, kiddo. You'll get another chance to save the world.

[After falling on ground while trying to stop Star Hanabi]
Raimundo: Dojo, dude, how come you didn't just fly?
Dojo: [With Clay's pants on head] Good idea. Just a little late.

Jack: Fearsome Four! I command you to...[thinks] laugh evilly! [they laugh] Now laugh evilly while... hopping on one leg! [they do so]
Wuya: Stop playing, Jack!
Jack: In a minute. Now, laugh evilly while TAP DANCING! [the Fearsome Four dance and laugh as music plays in the background]

The Return of PandaBubba [2.17][edit]

Kimiko: Omi, look! Over there. It's the Tohomiko Electronics skyscraper!
Omi: Tohomiko? That sounds most familiar to my ears.
Kimiko: Hello? That's my last name.
Omi: Oh? I never thought of you with a last name.
Kimiko: And that's my Papa's building.
Clay: [In amazement] Your daddy is Toshiro Tohomiko the video game tycoon?!
Kimiko: Yeah, I can't wait to introduce you all to him, he's super cool!
Raimundo: And super rich! [His eyes turn into dollar symbols] (To Kimiko) Did I ever tell you that you are my favorite monk?
Omi: (gigantic sad face) I thought I was your favorite...

Omi: These workers appear most focused on their work. And their eyes- they have the same 'nobody is home' look as Raimudo when he does his chores
Raimundo: [offended] Yeah, well... you're short and you have a big head.

The Last Temptation of Raimundo [2.18][edit]

[Jack is asleep]
Wuya: Jack, fire the laser! Jack!
Jack: [He wakes up, screaming] Wuya! With you it's hard to tell if I'm coming out of a nightmare or going into one!
Wuya: Just shut up and fire the laser.

Kimiko: Poor Rai. We've got to find him. Just so I can give him a piece of my mind!
Master Fung: We must not be too hard on Raimundo. It is the Shen Gong Wu that is controlling him.
Omi: Yes, but if he had not used the Golden Tiger Claws in the first place, we would not be down the lake with no paddles!
Dojo: Hey, kids! Special news bulletin! I did a little recon over Brazil and it turns out there WAS a lava flow. If it wasn't for a certain hero we all know, one village would be toast!
Kimiko: So, Raimundo was telling the truth? That's a first.

Jack: Um, once you become Raimundo, are you a he or a she? I just wanna get my pronouns straight!

Wuya: [During a Xiaolin Showdown] Shroud of Shadows!
Kimiko: Hey! That's cheating! That wasn't one of the Shen Gong Wu wagered!
Wuya: You're fighting evil. What do you expect?

Jack: Hey, usually I'm the one who messes up a Xiaolin Showdown. Looks like the shoe's on a different foot...if you had a foot. [chuckles, Wuya gets angry as she flies through his face, creeping him out]

Omi: We will always listen to you...no matter how stupid your excuse may be.

The Year of the Green Monkey [2.19][edit]

Monkey: Mind turning down the volume? Some of us are trying to get a little shuteye.
Omi: [Using the Tongue of Saiping] In the middle of the day? You are a very lazy animal!
Rabbit: Huh, what a mouth on someone so small.
Omi: I am not small, I am compact!
Bird: Yeah, anymore 'compact' and we'd need a microscope to find you!

Master Fung: The Fountain of Hui has just revealed itself. When activated, it provides unlimited knowledge.
Kimiko: Sounds like a pretty handy Wu if you're doing a crossword puzzle.
Master Fung: I'm afraid by itself, it can only provide random information. But, when combined its sister Shen Gong Wu the Eagle Scope, the two can be used to unlock the greatest secrets of the universe.
Omi: You mean like why baboons have such colorful buttocks?
Master Fung: Yes, and even greater secrets.

Jack Spicer: Tongue of Saiping! Monkeys, attack!

Omi: Now I understand! Jack is only a mere puppy!
Raimundo: ...Puppet, I'm guessing.

The Demon Seed [2.20][edit]

Vlad: I hear Wuya dump you, again.
Jack Spicer: [Imitating Vlad] "I jear Wuya dump you!" Nobody hears Wuya dump me, because I dump Wuya.
Vlad: That is not what they say on Internet!
Jack Spicer: [Excitedly] I'm on the Internet?
Vlad: Da, in warrior chat rooms everywhere! You big laughing stock! Now when person loses everything, new hip thing to say is 'Aw, I got Jacked!' [Laughs evilly]

Kimiko: It's Spicer, he took the seed!
Clay: And the hotdogs! Come back here with them doggies you no good, low down snake, you yellow bellied, dirty little side winder. I'm gonna get you!

Vlad: What you know about Heylin Seed?
Jack Spicer: I read something about it in Evil Seeds and Gardens. Why?

Raimundo: I bet he writes those on the palm of his hand. [Kimiko snickers]
Master Fung: No Raimundo, I write them inside my eyelids. That is why I blink often [Blinks rapidly]
Dojo: [Pops out of Raimundo's shirt] B-U-S-T-E-D. Ooooohhhh! [Shudders]

Raimundo: Whoo! C'est la vie, Salad-Breath!

The New Order [2.21][edit]

Chase Young: You have learned well, Omi.
Omi: Well, I WAS taught by the best!
Chase Young: Thank you.
Omi: I was speaking of Master Fung!!

Jack Spicer: H-hey, hey! H-how'd you get all the way over here when...I...left you...over there?

The Apprentice [2.22][edit]

Clay: How do you manage to win every game?
Omi: That is most simple: I cheat. [they all look at him] No, no, I am a betrayer when I say I cheat.
Raimundo: How do we know that you're not betraying us now, Omi?
Omi: [seriously] Because, Raimundo, you are all my friends, and I could never betray my friends. [Laughs, knocking his head at the table] Ha ha ha, I have mastered deception! Let's play again!

Omi: I knew you would twice-cross me! So I twice-crossed you first!
Raimundo: That's double-crossed, but I think we get the idea.

Omi: Oh, thank you, Master Fung. I promise I will not let you up.
Master Fung: Down.
Omi: In every direction.

Something Jermaine [2.23][edit]

Jermaine: [After Jack gets the Manchurian Musca] Yo, Omi, you must be trippin'.
Omi: I am not taking a trip!
Jermaine: Your hotdogging cost us a Shen Gong Wu!
Omi: Are you saying it is BECAUSE OF ME?!
Jermaine: I'm saying, some poser may need a refresher course on how to be a Xiaolin warrior.
Omi: A refresher course!? I should be TEACHING the refresher course!
Jermaine: Man, you got an ego bigger than that dome of yours.
Omi: Nothing is bigger than my dome! And I thank you to leave my dome OUT OF IT!
Jermaine: Can you believe this guy man?
Dojo: Hey, there are three things I've learned not to talk about. Religion, politics and Omi's head.

Dojo: No winner!? What a rip-off! You wouldn't see this in the old days!

Dojo: Boys and girls, let me tell you a story about these two dragon buddies. Always seen together, like peas and carrots.
Raimundo: Is this story gonna be long or short?
Dojo: It'll take as long as it takes!
Clay: "Clay and Kimiko" Long story.

Omi: I order you to spill your internal organs right now!!
Jack: [screamed] What kind of sick people are you!?
Raimundo: I think he means spill your guts.

Jack: Hey, I want my stuff back.
Tubbimura: No, I will keep everything.
Jack: Think again, bubba. I press enter and doggy breath is a UFM. Unidentified flying Muffinface!
Tubbimura: No! Not my Muffinface! Ok, ok, I will return your stuff.

Dangerous Minds [2.24][edit]

Master Fung: [As the temple collapses] Remember, the fate of the world rests with you!
Raimundo: Is it me or does the fate of the world rest with us a lot?

Jack: What do you think the spiders want with us?
Raimundo: Dude, we're in their web. Take a guess.
Jack: [Understanding] I DON'T WANT A SPIDER TO EAT ME!
Clay: Chill, evil partner! Spiders don't eat people! They desiccate you, suck out all your fluids until nothing is left. [Clay dried up and the others staring at him] What? Can't a cowboy have a hobby?
Jack: I don't want to be...what he said!

Omi: Hurry, everyone! Take my hand!
Jack: I have a better idea! I'll take the Golden Tiger Claws!
Kimiko: Jack, you jerk!
Jack: Too late, Xiaolin has-been!

Clay: Get a move on! They're gaining on us!

Dojo: I tell you. You should a seen me in action. Those spiders will think twice before messing with this dragon, again! Baba bing. [chuckles] AAAAHHHHHH!
Raimundo: [Laughs] Dojo, you should a seen yourself!
Kimiko: Rai, that wasn't very nice.
Raimundo: [scoffs] How can anyone be so afraid of a spider?
[A spider sits on Raimundo's shoulder. Raimundo screams, and hides behind baskets. Kimiko & Dojo laugh]
Dojo: What a pansy!
Omi: Tongue of Saiping! Thank you for you assistance, my small friend. [he gives a high-five on a spider]

Judging Omi [2.25][edit]

Dojo: We got a category 5 Wu alert. The Ying Yo-Yo just revealed itself.
Master Fung: The Ying Yo-Yo is one of the lesser-known. Shen Gong Wu. It acts as a portal to the Ying-Yang World-- a parallel universe with laws of its own. One must remain cautious. Its powers are not fully understood.

Kimiko: I was hoping we'd all rise together.
Omi: [Looking sad] Aw, me too. [Then looking happy] That is why I will work extra hard teaching you until that day comes when you too are ready to become Wudai Warriors.
Clay: Whoa, partner, and what makes you so sure YOU'RE the chosen one?
Omi: [Laughing] Is it not obvious? Who else is it going to be? Raimundo?
[Raimundo's head turns red and inflates while his hair starts to burn. Clay removes his hat, revealing a glass of water and he pours it on Raimundo's head. Raimundo gives Clay a thumbs-up.]
Omi: I am sorry. I was not laughing at you but with you.
Raimundo: I'm not laughing.
Kimiko: Here's a wild thought. Maybe it's me.
Omi: But you are a girl. [The others gasp] AAAAH!
[Chaos ensues, ending with Omi beaten up on the floor]
Raimundo: [Wincing] Nyah...
Kimiko: And your point?
Omi: Nothing, I like girls. [He passes out]

Saving Omi [2.26][edit]

Dojo: Very interesting... it says here that Alexander The Great had seven toes on one foot and three on the other.
Raimundo: What about Omi?
Dojo: Well, I'm pretty sure he has five on each. But I've never taken a closer look.

Dojo: It maybe be time use our secret weapon: The Sweet Baby Among Us!

Heylin Omi: If only I did not have to sleep! Then I could fight 24/7!

Omi: Kimiko, Raimundo, Clay, I was ready to humiliate you in battle, but I have no idea why.
Kimiko: It’s OK, Omi. It’s just good to have you back.
Jack: Omi, I missed you so.
Omi: OK, now I am most confused.
Dojo: Jack brought the Reversing Mirror into the Ying Yang World. Instead of coming out whole, he must have left behind all of his evil.
Chase Young: I hate to interrupt such a nauseating moment, but we have some serious evil left on the agenda.
Clay: You have got no hold on Omi. He’s got his Chi back, and you ain’t getting your grubby hands on it.
Chase Young: Omi swore his loyalty to me.
Kimiko: He wasn’t himself back then.
Raimundo: Omi is going nowhere. Except back home with us.

Chase Young (Reptile form): Heylin Memory Recall!
Omi: [In recall] I do swear my loyalty to you. [End of recall] Wait. Chase Young is right. As a Xiaolin Monk, I am bound by my word.
[Kimiko, Clay, Raimundo, and Jack gasped]
Omi: I have no choice but to stay.

Season 3 (2005-2006)[edit]

Finding Omi [3.1][edit]

Dojo: I hate the AWAY games. The crowd's always against you.
[Wuya cheering]

Chase Young (Reptile form) and Omi (Cat form): [in unison] Goat Biting Tail! Horse Skipping Pebble! Cat Playing Fiddle! Duck Flipping Burgers!
Omi (Cat form): Sparrow Eating Hot-Dog! [he then jumps off the rock]
Chase Young (Reptile form): [Sitting on the rock, surprised] Sparrow Eating Hot-Dog?

Omi: No! It appears you have taught me too well!

Chase Young: I think the evil inside you is stronger than you think.
Omi: The good in you may be stronger then you know.

Master Fung: That is correct. Only ONE would rise, but not until you worked together AS one.
Dojo: I don't know about you, but I think he makes this stuff up as he goes along. [laughs to himself]

Bird of Paradise [3.2][edit]

Omi: We may be outside, but we are not down.
Raimundo: I think he means we're down but not out.

Bird of Paradise: I have given you the greatest gift of all.
Clay: Farm equipment?

The Life and Times of Hannibal Roy Bean [3.3][edit]

Kimiko: Wuya, I challenge you to a Xiaolin Showdown! The game is Meteor Shower. The first to reach the Moby Morpher wins!
Wuya: And to make it interesting, I wager my Ying Yo-Yo against your Yang Yo-Yo!
Chase Young: You never mention you have the Ying Yo-Yo.
Wuya: Oh. Didn't I? Must've slipped my mind.
Omi: Kimiko, remember, if you enter the Ying-Yang World without both Wu, you will come out evil!
Dojo: And if you enter evil, you come out good. We may need a score card for this one.
Kimko & Wuya: [in unison] LET'S GO! XIAOLIN SHOWDOWN!

Dojo: Maybe I should take over. I'd like to leave the parallel universe in one piece.
Omi: Do you know how to fly the Silver Manta Ray?
Dojo: Please, I was flying before I could crawl. I'm not just a mystical dragon. I'm also a certified pilot!
Raimundo: Good enough for me! She's all yours, pappy!
Dojo: Now, let's see if we can pick up the pace a little!
[Silver Manta Ray falling and everybody screaming]
Dojo: Don't worry!! I've got everything under control!!

Raimundo: Clay, you know about tractors, maybe you can fix the Silver Manta Ray.
Clay: Oh, sure Rai, yeah. Tractors and mystical flying transports are like two peas from the same pod.

Omi: So it appears that it was not Jack who acted so stupid as to free Hannibal Bean, it was [realising] ME?!
Hannibal [as Jack]: You got it sweet pea. Moby Morpher! [He turns back into his real form]
Omi: Enough chat chit! Today victory is mine Hannibal Bean!
Kimiko: This hardly seems like a fair fight.
Hannibal: True. Perhaps I should fight with my eyes closed.
[It then cuts to Kimiko and Omi who look very ticked-off]

Hannibal [as Clay]: Uhh... what in tarnation are you doin’?
Chase Young: I’m ending what I should have ended years ago.
Omi: Nooooooooo!
All: Hyah! Unh! Hyah!
Hannibal [as Clay]: Moby Morpher! [He turns back into his real form] Nice to see you again, Chase. Hey, thanks for the assistance. Maybe one day I’ll return the favor. [Continues sinister laughter]
Clay: [Muffled] I’m afraid we got big problems, pardner.
Omi: I know. You ripped the words from inside my mouth.
Chase Young: You fools! You don’t know what you’ve done. You have unleashed the greatest evil the world has ever seen.
Raimundo: Hmmph! Sounds like end of the world time...again.
Chase Young: No. it is far worse than that.

Omi Town [3.4][edit]

Omi: Now Dojo, you shouldn't kiss a horse on the lips before it gives you its' presents. [They all stare blankly] .
Kimiko: Oh, kiss a gift horse on the mouth.
Everyone: Ohhhh.
Dojo: [Puzzled] I thought it was 'look a gift horse in the mouth'.

Dojo: Whoa! I wonder what my Great-Great-Great-Great Uncle Tiamat sent me? [he unwrapped the present] His bones. How thoughtful.

Jack: Hey! You're not supposed to be here!
Omi: Well, what comes in circles goes the other way in circles. [Everyone stares at him]
Wuya: Somebody translate! I'll be up all night.
Clay: I'm guessing "what goes around comes around.
Wuya: Oh, please. That wasn't even close.

Raimundo: Yeah, but I'm not sure, they're exactly what Omi's expecting

Omi: MY LAST NAME IS CRUD?! OMI CRUD?!?!?!?!?!

Chase Young: Good morning, little monk. I'm not here to fight you, little monk, but to warn you.
Omi: Warn me?
Chase Young: Do you know where the other monks are?
Omi: Asleep?
Chase Young: They're in trouble and will your help.
Omi: I do not believe you.
Chase Young: Look, into the crow's eyes.
[The crow zooms in and shows Omi that Jack Spicer, Wuya and Hannibal Roy Bean are planning to raid the temple]
Omi: Why are you telling me this?
Chase Young: Just something I thought you ought to know, in case you wanted to do anything about it.
Omi: You want me to leave my parents and forfeit my honor. But I will not even they are old, fat and smelly. They need me and tonight I have to clean their teeth.

Hannibal: You're talkin' to Hannibal Roy Bean.
Raimundo: Oh, Yeah! Well listen mister musical fruit I eat beans for lunch.

[Omi and Omi robot mother touch the Shen Gong Wu at the same time]
Omi: [shocked] Mother?!
Robot Mother: I challenge you to a Xiaolin Showdown. The game is Bamboo Hopping. First to fall, loses.
Omi: [heartbroken] My mother…on the side of evil?
Robot Mother: When you're a parent, you'll understand. I wager my Orb of Tornami against your Lasso Boa-Boa.
Omi: How'd you get my Orb?!
Robot Mother: I went through your pocket when you were clipping your father's toenails.
Omi & Robot Mother: [in unison] Let's go! XIAOLIN SHOWDOWN!

Treasure of the Blind Swordsman [3.5][edit]

Guardian: [As he's being kidnapped] Hey! Who is that? Where am I? I need to use the bathroom.
Wuya: [To Jack] What about the treasure chest?
Guardian: What?! That's disgusting! [Pauses] You- you were talking to me?

Jack: [Doing a crossword] What's a four-letter word for idiot?
Wuya: Jack.
Jack: Perfect!

[Omi is stuck to a cactus]
Kimiko: Omi! Are you okay?
Omi: [cringing] I have a thousand needles in my backside! WHAT DO YOU THINK?!

Blind Swordsman: You have summoned the spirit of the Blind Swordsman, loyal to whoever possesses the treasure chest.
Raimundo: So, how about showing us how to use our new weapons?
Blind Swordsman: Open your mind and trust that your weapon will show you the way.
Omi: Shimo Staff! Ha! Oh ho! My weapon and I are most magnificent! [smooch]
Clay: Big Bang Meteorang, do your stuff! Ha! Huh? Whoo! Well, I'll be a 3-legged centipede!
Kimiko: Arrow Sparrow! [Boom] Burn, baby, burn!
Raimundo: Blade of the Nebula! Huh? Hah! Whoo! I got the power! Hoo! Hoo! I got the power!
Omi: Come, Dojo. We must rescue the blind old man at once!

Blind Old Man: Perhaps you? I'd like to surrender now.
Jack: Perhaps you? I'd like to keep your disses to yourself, four-eyes!
[Record scratches]
Wuya: He's blind!
Jack: Even better! Time to double-team, Mr. No-eyes! Ha ha! Jack's on an evil rant now! Thorn of Thunderbolt!
Wuya: Silk Spinner!
Blind Old Man: Mantis Flip Coin!

Blind Old Man: [Sighs] Again with the questions. It is quite simple. I use my mind to see rather than my eyes. [pauses] DIDN'T YOU HEAR ME BEFORE? That is the secret to the treasure chest. The answers to all your questions lie inside. You just have to look.

Oil in the Family [3.6][edit]

Omi: We cannot just stand by and watch Wuya and Jack being chewed up by a big dinosaur.
Kimiko: You're right. Someone better get the camcorder.

Raimundo: No, the old hag won't think small like that. She'll be thinkin'...
Clay: Yeah, anyway, Raimundo. Where I come from we have a sayin' follow the oil.

Clay: Dojo, you're practically one of them critters! Have any ideas?
Dojo: [Indignantly] I BEG YOUR PARDON! That's like me saying you're practically a monkey. Just because she speaks with a British accent doesn't make her smart, like a dragon! We fly, breathe fire and chew with our mouths closed!

Omi: The jig is down! You're at the top of your rope! Spoon over that Wu! [Pauses, everyone stares at him].
Jack: Oooh, oh! I got it! The jig is up, you're at the end of your rope, fork over the Wu! [Starts dancing and brings out an evil genius ribbon]

Wuya: Jack, use your Shen Gong Wu!
Jack: Changing Chopsticks! [shrinks Wuya]
Wuya: Not me you fool!
Jack: Changing Chopsticks! [shrinks himself]
[Wuya kicks Jack in the butt and Jack uses the Changing Chopsticks, making themselves normal-sized again]

[T-Rex merely eats it and fires it Kimiko she protect herself, Omi, Raimundo, Clay and Dojo]
Kimiko: [distance] WUDAI FIRE SHIELD! [As the fire hits leaks in the oil tank, causing an explosion]
[The fallen Ruby of Ramses and Rio Reverso drop to two separate places, and the dinosaur runs towards the Rio Reverso]
Kimiko: If we don't do something, we would wind up the ones extinct.
Raimundo: I got us into this but this time I got a plan. [slip n' slides on the oil, swipes the Ruby of Ramses Wu and he and the T-Rex touch the Rio Reverso together] T-Rex, I challenge you to a Xiaolin Showdown! My Ruby of Ramses against your Changing Chopsticks.
T-Rex: Jolly good. The game is Jurassic Chess.
Raimundo & T-Rex: [in unison] Let's go! Xiaolin Showdown!

The Return Of Master Monk Guan [3.7][edit]

Dojo: You're...sending...me...away!?

Master Fung: I assure you that I will be here when you get back.
Dojo: That's what my last master said when he went to for a soda and never returned!

Master Monk Guan: You will do as I say, and never, EVER ask questions. DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR!?
All: YES, MASTER MONK GUAN!
Master Monk Guan: Good. Now, any questions? [Raimundo raises hand] HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND!? WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT QUESTIONS!?

Omi: What wise saying do you have for us?
Master Fung:...I have none.
Raimundo: C'mon, you can whip out one of those old cheesy sayings...[Master Fung makes an angry face]...that we all love.
Master Fung: I am afraid I am out of any 'cheesy sayings'.
Dojo: If you want I can give you your file. [Pulls out an extremely large folder of paper. Master Fung makes another angry face] Not that you would need a file like that. [hides folder with a wide grin]

Omi: This cannot be happening...Our Bobo is turning to the darkside. Again!
Raimundo: The name is Raimundo. Not Bobo!
Clay: Raimundo, what in the Sam Hill are ya doin?
Kimiko: We're your friends.
Raimundo: I got all the friends I need right here.

Hannibal: Poor little guy is like a fish outta water! [evilly laughing]

The Dream Stalker [3.8][edit]

Omi: Solution is most simple! Raimundo must never sleep again!

Omi: During my shift, I shall keep you awake with the most ancient training method known as [hold a bucket of cold water] DODGE THE BUCKET OF ICE WATER!
Raimundo: Huh? [cold water hits his face, which get frosted with ice] WHOA!
[Omi breaks the ice off of Raimundo, who shivers]
Omi: You may need some practice, even though you will never be as good as me.

Raimundo: (yawns) Would it kill ya to get some reclining seats, Dojo.
Dojo: Please return all complaints to their full shut-up position, as we approach our final destination: Jack Spicer's lair.

Kimiko: Come on! Work it like you own it.
Raimundo: I think I'm gonna (yawns) just freestyle.
Dojo: Oooh, I got it! Trouble with a stuffed animal. Those things can get so surly.

Chucky Choo [3.9][edit]

Master Fung: I miss you, too. But you must stop calling every 5 minutes!
Dojo: Master Fung...who's that?

Master Fung: Uh, Dojo, this is Frenchy Foo. Just an old friend passing through.
Dojo: [gasps] Another dragon!?
Master Fung: Dojo, it isn't like that.

Dojo: Great morning, young monks and the pitiful in need of assistance.

Kimiko: Wait, you know each other?
Dojo: [to Chucky] You no good, yo-yo thief!
[Chucky Choo screams as Dojo tackles him]
Omi: I guess...will be yes.

Chucky Choo: What do you say, Dojo?

Omi: [To the Xiaolin monks] Monks, double your efforts....Raimundo...Triple yours.

Wu Got The Power? [3.10][edit]

Dojo: The Denshi Bunny Wu is more impressive than it's name suggests.
Raimundo: So, it doesn't make you a bunny?
Dojo: Noooo. That would be just plain, silly.

Jack Spicer: Shadow Slicer, Shadow Slicer, Shadow Slicer, Shadow Slicer.
[Omi, Kimiko, Raimundo, and Clay dives at Jacks, but it was a Shadow Slicer hologram]
Jack Spicer: Jack is on his game. Smell you later, losers! [laughing while he flies off with their Shen Gong Wu]

Jack Spicer: That's brilliant! Why didn't I think of that?
Hannibal Roy Bean: My guess, an extra chromosome.

Omi: Well, too prove myself worthy of being your leader. I must solve of your elemental Shen Gong Wu.
Raimundo: You did what!?
Master Fung: Omi, that was most unwised. So much un-restrength power could lead to great dangers.

Hannibal Roy Bean: I hate to rain on your parade snowball, but I do not think so!

Hannibal's Revenge [3.11][edit]

Master Fung: Hannibal together with Wuya could mean the end of the world..
Raimundo: Where have I heard the before? Oh yeah! "PREVIOUSLY ON XIAOLIN SHOWDOWN"!

[Kimiko then shows Jack Spicer a video on her laptop]
Omi (imitating Wuya): Do not underestimate Jack Spicer. Those bubble-bots are genius.
Clay (imitating Chase Young): Spicer has taken his martial arts skills to a new level.
Raimundo: [offscreen] Dojo, get out of that shot!
Kimiko (imitating Hannibal Roy Bean): He is truly evil incoming.
Jack Spicer: Yes! It is time to make my move. Dark Prince Jack-o is back on top-o!

Kimiko (disguised as Jack Spicer): I challenge you to a Xiaolin Showdown Trio!
Hannibal Roy Bean: I'll wager my Moby Morpher against your Conch and Chase's Serpent's Tail.
Chase Young: I will fight without Shen Gong Wu.
Kimiko (disguised as Jack Spicer): The game is Last To Drop Wins. [in unison with Hannibal and Chase] Let's go, Xiaolin Showdown!

Kimiko (disguised as Jack Spicer): Mind Reader Conch!
Chase Young: I locked away that foolish vegetable once I'll do it again
Hannibal Roy Bean: You cross the wrong Bean, when you cross Hannibal Roy Bean! [Throws a big chunk of rock]
Kimiko (disguised as Jack Spicer): Mind Reader Conch!
Hannibal Roy Bean: That Chase has girly hair, a real warrior shaves his head like me.
Chase Young: Hah!, you could pour fertilizer on your head and nothing would grow! [smirking]
Hannibal Roy Bean: ERRRRR! MOBY MORPHER!!!

Raimundo: [To Kimiko (disguised as Jack Spicer)] Yeah, you go girl--[shocked] boy.

Chase Young: [To Kimiko (disguised as Jack Spicer)] You surprised me, Spicer. I'm rarely surprised, but never fooled. [Sniffs] By the way, love the perfume.

Hannibal Bean: I see you've brought your kittens to do your fighting.
Chase Young: [Referring to Wuya] And I see you've brought my housekeeper to do yours.

Time After Time Part 1 [3.12][edit]

Dojo: I have TENS all around!
Omi: I suppose beating Jack in the most colorful manner is the tie-breaker!
[all grin evilly at Jack as they converge on him]
Jack: No, no! You can't! WHAT KIND OF PEOPLE ARE YOU?! [screaming as they attacking on him]

Raimundo: You know, if it weren't for Chase, we'd be so much further along in our fight against evil.

Omi: I fear I have ruined the future.
Old Master Fung: Remember this young monk, the future can always be changed.
Old Raimundo: Every once in a while, the old dude still spits out words of wisdom. But mostly he just spits.

Old Raimundo: Guys, this is a test we've been waiting for. I'd say we breaking in the palace, and take back of Sands of Time.
Old Clay: Oh, we're not exactly the lame mean rotten machine we'll will once more.
Old Raimundo: First, you were never lean. And second, we're still Xiaolin warriors. We fought together once, and we can do it again. It's up to us now. The Shroud of Shadows!

Old Raimundo: Kimiko, take the Denshi Bunny and turn yourself into a electricity. Then, travel through the wires until you'll find the Wu vault where Jack keeps his Wu. I used the conch to the location.
Old Kimiko: What's that? Oh, never mind. I'll look around to see where Jack keeps this Wu. [coughs] Denshi Bunny.

Old Raimundo: Omi! Use the Sands of Time! Make sure it never happens. Go!
Dojo: Sands of Time!
[Activates the Sands of Time to taking them back 1,500 years ago]
Omi: [cries] No.

Time After Time Part 2 [3.13][edit]

Omi: This is my HOME!?

Raimundo: I'd much rather fight evil than mud-wrestle some pig.
Clay: Woah there, partner. This is not "some pig". All pigs are special in their own way.

Kimiko: And what makes you so sure?
Clay: That may be but it don't mean diddly, if we can't bust our way out of here.
Raimundo: We can escape! If I drink the Lao Mang Lone Soup.
Kimiko: No, you can't! It'll turn you evil!
Raimundo: But it'll give you guys enough time to escape.

Raimundo: So, we need to stop Omi from freezing himself into the future, so he won't go into the past, where he did what he did which resulted in what happened. Simple!

Raimundo: No, I didn't come this far to lose. We will find a way to win. It's our destiny.
[Jack Spicer falls from above while screaming and lands on the four villains as Omi, Raimundo, Kimiko and Clay walk backwards]

Raimundo: The game is Rescue the Damsel in Distress. First to save the damsel wins. Let's go.
Both: Xiaolin Showdown!

Omi: Dojo, you're saved!
Dojo: Oh, sweet prince. My hero!

Kimiko: What's going on?!
Raimundo: My guess, two parallel universes running into each other in a cosmic timeline continuum power up.

[Omi, Raimundo, Kimiko, Clay and Dojo shake their bodies after they return to the temple]
Master Fung: I hope you have learned well from your quest.
Raimundo: I'm not quite sure what just happened. But I'll know, I'll never forget it.
Omi: What happened? Really happened?
Jack Spicer: [screams when he appeared behind Clay while Raimundo and Kimiko turn their heads] I wanna go home! [screams as he starts to run out of the temple while he freaks out]

[Last Lines, series finale]
Master Fung: As I told you, a leader would rise from the quest, and now... one has.
[Raimundo is suddenly lit up, and as he's engulfed by the light, his original red robes and his medallion soon disappear and are replaced with a black robe with a dragon on the sleeve and a red sash on him, revealing that he has become the official leader of the team]
Kimiko: Way to go, Rai! [Jumps into his arms and kisses him on the cheek]
Clay: You did it, partner!
Raimundo: [He has look of amazement, Kimiko jumps into his arms and kisses him on the cheek] I-I don't know what to say. Except I never thought it would be me...[Kimiko and Clay give him a look]...Well maybe a little.
[Raimundo then notices Omi standing behind Master Fung with a let down look on his face. However Omi comes out from behind Master Fung and sheds a few small tears... as from the moment Master Fung told Omi about the new students coming to the temple, Omi vowed to be a great leader. Omi, with tears in his eyes spreads a smile across his face. He and Raimundo bow to each other at the same time. Master Fung, Dojo, and the chosen ones smile too. Then, an explosion outside the temple occurs. Monks notice that every single villain they've encountered during the series are there with their original enemy, Jack Spicer smiling]
Master Fung: [to chosen ones, especially Raimundo who's busy removing his bandages before taking a second to survey their enemies] Now that you have risen to Shoku Warrior, your job has only begun. The survival of the world depends on you.
[With that, the team launch themselves into battle against the Heylins]
Dojo: Not too much pressure there...
[It then cuts to show Kimiko, Clay and Omi whose dots have begun to glow, running alongside each other and seconds later, Raimundo appears. As they edge closer, Raimundo then jumps into the air and prepares to launch a kick just as the screen goes black]
Omi, Kimiko, Raimundo, and Clay: HAAIIIYYA!!!!!

Cast[edit]

Tara Strong - Omi, Megan, and T-Rex
Tom Kenny - Raimundo Pedrosa, Hannibal Roy Bean, Grand Master Dashi, Vlad, Blind Old Swordsman, Evil Squirrel, and Klofange
Grey DeLisle - Kimiko Tohomiko, Evil Doll, Betie, Dyris, Singing Old Lady, and Omi's Mom
Jeff Bennett - Clay Bailey, Master Monk Guan, Mala-Mala Jong, Cyclops, Evil Granny Lily, Dude-Bot, Jessie Bailey, Toshiro Tohomiko, Gigi, Parrot, Omi's Dad, and Blind Old Man
Danny Cooksey - Jack Spicer and Good Jack
Wayne Knight - Dojo Kanojo Cho
Rene Auberjonois - Master Fung (Season 1)
Maurice LaMarche - Master Fung (Season 2 & Season 3), Tubbimura, Raksha the Snowman, Fearsome Four, and Chucky-Choo
Susan Silo - Wuya
Greg Baldwin - Daddy Bailey
Lee Thompson Young - Jermaine
Jennifer Hale - Katnappe
Kevin Michael Richardson - Pandabubba

See Also[edit]

External links[edit]

Wikipedia
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