Y: The Last Man
Y: The Last Man is a comic book series by Brian K. Vaughan and Pia Guerra, about the only man to survive the mysterious simultaneous death of every male mammal on Earth. The series was published in sixty issues - released between September 2002 and January 2008 - by Vertigo Comics, who collected the series in ten paperback volumes.
#1: “Unmanned: Chapter 1”
- Yorick Brown: Money is not a concern, Beth. After all I’m talking to my beloved snuggle pants, not some phone sex whore. Besides my sister gave me a phone card for Christmas. Anyway, did you know…
- Beth:…That Elvis had a twin brother? No. Where did you read this, the Enquirer?
- Yorick Brown: It’s true! An identical twin brother! His name was Jesse Garon Presley, stillborn a few minutes before Gladys gave birth to the king, they buried him in a shoe-box. How insane is that? I mean what if Jesse had lived and Elvis had died? Or…or what if they had both lived?
- Beth: Yorick, you don’t even like Elvis, where the hell is this coming from?
- Yorick Brown: I don’t know. O you ever think about destiny?
Why does fate choose one man over another, that sorta thing…?
- Beth: You didn’t get the job, did you?
- Yorick Brown: Uh, no. No, I didn’t.
- Marty: Jennifer, I hope our party is going to have your support against amendment TO 1646.
- Jennifer Brown: Oh really? And since when does a mighty senator care about what goes on in the lowly house?
- Marty: Don’t be cute congresswoman. Now will we have your vote or not?
- Jennifer Brown: No. You know full well that I don’t believe the state department should be providing foreign aid to organizations that perform abortions.
- Marty: I see. So you don’t think that Mexican women should be allowed to plan the number of children they’ll have?
- Jennifer Brown: Oh please, Marty. Abortion isn’t a contraceptive I just think that the money should be better spent educating the world about advances like the morning-after pill.
- Marty: That’s what I was afraid of. This is a fucking pro-life thing isn’t it?
Jesus Jennifer, what kind of a woman are you?
- Jennifer Brown: The same kind of woman you are, Marty. A democrat.
- Marty: But you’re going to side with the GOP on this one.
- Jennifer Brown: Yes…like you do 86% of the time on gun control.
- Colonel Tse’elon: They need not be concerned. I have yet to be fired upon.
- Christopher: You almost sound disappointed.
- Colonel Tse’elon: Of course. Joining an artillery battalion has always been my dream, but now that I am finally permitted to be a part of one…we encounter nothing but stone throwers.
- Christopher: Man, you are hardcore. Every other daughter of Israel I talk to out here is just happy that it’s all quiet on the western front.
- Colonel Tse’elon: Those girls could be paratroopers or naval commanders…but men have taught them to be content behind a typewriter or radar screen. Not me. My grandmother crossed into enemy lined during our war of independence, and her grandmother was part of the all-female battalion of death during the Russian revolution. This is who I am…
- Christopher: I don’t get it. I mean off the record, I understand fighting for equal pay and all that garbage…but I thought you feminists were pacifists too.
- Colonel Tse’elon: Who wants peace… …when we have not yet begun to fight?
- Dr. Gilman: What? You’re in your third trimester and you haven’t seen someone yet?
- Dr. Mann: Michael please. A Little doctor-patient confidentiality..? Sunil has been providing prenatal care and performing appropriate tests.
- Dr. Gilman: Is…is he the father?
- Dr. Mann: No, he’s my research assistant. I’m the father.
- Dr. Gilman: I…I don’t understand You’re a…Jesus Christ. You’re joking right? You’re…you’re not seriously having your own clone.
- Dr. Mann: Yes I am. Would it be possible for me to ehn explain after you’ve delivered the baby?
- Dr. Gilman: I can’t. I mean…if you’re telling the truth. This probably isn’t even legal.
- Dr. Mann: Then you can concern yourself with alerting the proper authorities..or you can help save this child’s life.
#2: “Unmanned: Chapter 2”
- Truck Driver: Believe it or not, turns out there’s still a ton of single guys rotting in their apartments and stinking up office buildings. Everyone's worried about diseases and shit, so the CDC gives me a can of food for every corpse I bring in. Only work I could find. Fucked up, huh? I used to have a modeling contract with Wilhelmina, and now I’m a goddamn garbage girl.
Worst part is, I spent three grand on my bob job just before everything happened. Fat lot of good our tits do us now, right?
- Agent 355: Ms. Valentine I’m agent 355. I work for a…covert arm of the executive branch called the Culper ring, I’m here to escort you back to Washington.
- Margaret Valentine: Why…? I’m the secretary of agriculture. Most of the farmers and livestock are dead.
- Agent 355: Actually you’re title has changed.
- Margaret Valentine: Oh really? What am I now…secretary of hopeless causes?
- Agent 355: No Ma’am…You’re president of the United States.
- Yorick Brown: I’m just lucky those handcuffs were Hiatts you little shit. If those had been Darby cuffs, that chick would probably be selling us to some brothel right about now.
- Jennifer Brown: A magic ring? Yorick don’t be ridiculous, that has nothing to do with…
Did you say you proposed? Well what did she say?
- Yorick Brown: “Yes.” At least I think she did. We sorta got disconnected before I could hear her answer. That’s why I’m going to Australia to find out for sure.
- Jennifer Brown: The hell you are! Yorick Brown, you may very well be the last man on Earth! You have a responsibility to the world now!
- Yorick Brown: What, to repopulate the planet for you? Listen, I want to help, mom. I really do. That’s why I came to you first. But I don’t want to sit here and be a…a “stud” for however many anonymous women you expect me to inseminate. Not when the girl I love is out there.
- Jennifer Brown: Yorick, I have no intention of whoring my own son. I just think that you have more important things to do than engage in some kind of romantic crusade.
- Jennifer Brown: Her name's Dr. Alison Mann, bioengineer out of Boston, supposedly knows more about asexual reproduction than anyone alive. We were hoping that she’d help us create the next generation of female, but if she could find out what makes you immune—
- Yorick Brown: Wait a second…you mean cloning? Thought you helped outlaw that?
- Jennifer Brown: I did. But this isn’t the same world it was two months ago.
#3: “Unmanned: Chapter 3”
- Jennifer Brown: Get away from the window, Yorick!
- Yorick Brown: …But who the hell is shooting at us, mom? Terrorists?
- Jennifer Brown: Worse…republicans.
- Yorick Brown: You sure you’re not jumping to conclusions, representative? I mean, not every person who owns a gun is a republican.
- Jennifer Brown: There are only thirteen females in the senate and sixty in the house and almost three-fourths of us are democrats. A few of the wives of dead republicans think we’re trying to eliminate the two party system just because we’re not giving them their husbands seats.
- Ms. Stahl: Representative Brown, in the history of congress, forty five widows have attempted to succeed their late husbands—
- Jennifer Brown: --and not one of them failed. Right, I’ve heard that factoid too. But with respect, I think you’re forgetting that all of those women were democratically elected.
- Ms. Stahl: What are we supposed to do….let our husbands seats remain empty forever? Honestly, do you people have any idea what’s going on outside Washington? Looting and mass suicide and…and cannibalism, for God’s sake! Our constituencies need leadership.
- Jennifer Brown: I understand that Ms. Stahl, and we do intend to hold special elections…when the time is right. Until than, you can do more good in your communities than you can inside the capitol!
- Ms. Stahl: The founding fathers are dead! All of the men are dead! Their constitution doesn’t apply anymore! It’s time for something new.
- Yorick Brown: In the words of Thomas Jefferson…that’s bullshit. If you people really care about the next generation of Americans I’d think twice about, you know, throwing away a document that’s worked pretty well for the last two hundred years or so.
- Margaret Valentine: That’s enough young man. These women have suffered more than you can imagine, they don’t deserve to be lectured by a self-righteous child.
- Margaret Valentine: It won’t be long before others learn of your existence, and I don’t think it’s wise to keep you in one location where they’ll always be able to find you. At the same time, I have no intention of letting the best hope for our future hitchhike across the entire planet. We’ll do everything we can to reunite you with your friend, but after you’ve found Dr. Mann, I don’t want you leaving the states. And to make sure that you stay within our boarders…I’m assigning agent 355 to be your Chaperone.
#4 - Unmanned: Chapter 4"
- Yorick Brown: I guess he thought naming his kids after obscure Shakespeare characters might help him get tenure. Either that or he was punishing us for being born. Still in a weird way, hero and I sort of grew into our names. She got a gig as an EMT...I became a worthless joker.
- Yorick (gas masked): Amazons. I've only heard rumors. They're like...roving packs of pissed-off lesbians right?
- Mourner: Nah, they're not gay. They're insane. Someone told me that they all burn one of their own boobs off.
- Gas Masked Figure: Why?
- Mourner: Supposedly that's what the real amazons did. Makes it easier to shoot an arrow or something. Who knows. Some girls will do any retarded shit to get into a gang, long as it means food and protection.
- Yorick Brown: I'll ask the questions around here, Mad Maxine. Like...what the fuck is wrong with you people? Didn't you all lose fathers? Brothers? Friends?
- Amazon 1: No, we lost rapists and dictators and....and serial killers.
- Amazon 2 The Y chromosome is an aberration, you're nothing but a deformed female, a...a monster poisoned by your own hormones. Mother earth eliminated your kind for a reason.
- Yorick Brown: Than why am I still here?
- Amazon 2: I don't know...but it's an oversight we intend to correct.
#5 - Unmanned: Chapter 5"
- Yorick Brown: I didn't think you had hobbies 355, other than, you know, cleaning guns and sharpening knives and...well, generally fidgeting with things that kill people.
- Yorick Brown: Why do we have to do everything in the middle of the night? I mean, no one looks at me twice when I've got this thing on. I've single handedly disproved the existence of guydar.
- Agent 355: This is Southie, Yorick, you might be able to look like a lady...but I can't look white.
- Yorick Brown: You seriously think that's still an issue?
- Agent 355: Why, because this is the twenty-first century...or because all of the men are dead? Either way, the answer is yes.
- Victoria: You say that word with such venom, cunt. It's a fairly harmless insult in the UK, you realize. Only in this country could a euphemism for female genitalia be considered the ultimate obscenity. The word is actually quite beautiful, related to Cunina, the Roman goddess who protects sleeping infants. It means, all-knowing, all-powerful. Of course, men attempted to rob us of cunts ancient magic by making the word taboo. Now that the beasts are finally gone, it's time we reclaim our proper title. Don't fear what you are sister, embrace it.
- Agent 355: Well, you're handy with the Houdini shit, I'll give you that.
- Yorick Brown: Houdini busted out of stuff, not into it. Besides, that guy is so overrated. Now, Harry's brother Dash...there was an escape artist who could actually--
- Dr. Mann: My brother's son was dying of Leukemia. He needed a bone marrow transplant. We couldn't find a matching donor...so I decided to create one. My team and I fast-tracked our research and finally managed to fuse one of the boy's skin cells with an empty donor egg. And then I impregnated myself. It was more complicated than that...but not by much. "Immaculate conception for dummies" my partners called it. It's funny. We used to laugh at the Christian wackos who said we'd be punished for playing god. But now...
- Agent 355: Doctor you can't be sure that cloning caused the plague. Every woman thinks she did something to contribute to...what ever happened. Even me. It's called survivors's syndrome. and--
- Dr. Mann: It's not a goddamn syndrome! This is my fault! One minute, my...my baby was taking his last breath, and the next all of the men are dead!
- Sadie: Assuming your source was telling the truth, there might be information about creating more men in here.
- Alter: Right, if the enemy ever got their hands on such knowledge...they could essentially resurrect their armies.
- Sadie: I'm not talking about the 'enemy, Alter. I'm talking about the future of Israel.
- Yorick Brown: I think we should all go to New York ...and buy passage to Australia. Get as far away as possible from whoever wants us dead. Besides, my girlfriend is down under and...I'm sorry doc, but maybe making babies the old-fashioned way is still our best bet. You two don't have to come along, but it's what I--
- Agent 355: Don't be an idiot. From here on out, whatever the three of us do, we do together.
#6 - Cycles: Chapter One
- Yorick Brown: I still don't understand why you can't just, you know, scrape a few cells from my cheek and do your Clone War experiments without me.
- Doctor Allison Mann: Yes, well, perhaps that's why you didn't receive the National Medal of Science.
- Yorick Brown: Maybe not, but I almost qualified for the president's physical fitness award in sixth grade. Almost...
- Yorick Brown: So is your last name Chinese or Japanese?
- Doctor Allison Mann: Neither. I changed it my first year at Berkeley.
- Yorick Brown: Why Mann?
- Doctor Allison Mann: After Mann's Chinese Theater in Los Angeles. I wanted something kitsch-y and faux-Asian to insult my father.
#7 - Cycles: Chapter Two
- Yorick Brown: So, uh...How much do I owe you for the clean underpants?
- Sonia: On the house.
- Yorick Brown: Good, because the only thing I've got to trade is Ampersand...and he'd be about as useful to you as end-stage syphilis.
- Yorick Brown: Sonia, this was fun-- in a perverted Back to the Future kinda way-- but I have a job to do.
Ring of Truth
#26 - Hero's Journey
- Hero Brown: Queen Victoria?
- Victoria: Not quite, love... though queens are a particular passion of mine. I'm not speaking of European sovereigns, mind you, but that most glorious force of the chessboard. Did you know her square was originally occupied by a male "vizier," able to advance only one meager diagonal step per move? But during the reign of the great female monarchs, this piece metamorphosed into a "queen," and her power grew commensurate with her title. Only then did the game become something more -- a mental odyssey that helped reshape the world.
#27 - Ring of Truth
- Mr. Thomas: I just received some fascinating items from the Middle East. This, for example, is the only skeleton key in the world that can open unpickable handcuffs created by Israel's secret service, the infamous---
- Yorick Brown: Sounds cool, Mr. Thomas... but I'm actually looking for a ring.
#30 - Ring of Truth: Chapter Four
- Toyota: <That is one nutty hospital.>
Girl on Girl
#36 - Boy Loses Girl
- Yorick Brown: Jesus, what's with women always buying into that "language of love" bullshit? Compared to English, French is totally chauvinistic. Their third-person masculine plural is "ils" and the feminine plural is, what... "elles," right? But if you've got a group of men and women together, they're always referred to as ils. Even if there's only one boy in a crowd of, like, a billion women.
- Yorick Brown: My dad said getting dumped was the closest thing he ever had to a bar mitzvah. He didn't think he was even part of the human race until a girl broke his heart.