Zoey 101 (season 4)

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The following is a list of quotes from the fourth season Zoey 101. It was aired between January 27 to May 2, 2008.

Trading Places[edit]

Chase: Colin, don't call me a nit!

Zoey: OH MY GOD! He went to England!
Lola: This is so tragic!
Quinn: It's kind of sweet.
Quinn: OKAY! Tragic!

Chase: Zoey transferred back to PCA?!
Zoey:: Chase moved to England?!
Chase: Michael! Zoey left England. She went back to --
Zoey: Hey.
Chase: Zoey. (smiles) So...you're back at PCA.
Zoey: Yeah. And you're in England...at Covington?
Chase: Uh...yep.
Zoey: Why'd you go there?
Chase: 'Cause you wouldn't go there! To PCA! Or...I thought you wouldn't...which clearly you did. (pauses) Why...did you?
Zoey : I missed you.
Chase : I missed you too.
Zoey: And...I, uh...kind of heard something.
Chase: What do you mean?
Zoey: Well...a few weeks ago, when I was there, and you were here...
Chase: Yeah?
Zoey: I guess you, or Michael or Logan, left your video chat on...
Chase: Okay...
Zoey: And I heard you say something.
Chase: Uh...could you be more specific?
Zoey: (sighs) I heard you say you're in love with me.
Chase : Oh. That's uh...pretty specific. Could you hold on a sec?
Zoey: Sure.
Chase: (turns off computer) OH MY GOD!!!! (turns computer back on)

Chase: I love you, Zoey.
Zoey: Now, was that so hard to say to my face?
Chase: It was easy.
Zoey: Good. I love you too.

Michael: What is wrong with you people?!
Lola: You said we should try!
Michael: Not to kill me!

Lola: You're supposed to be stalling Zoey!
Mark: I did as long as I could, but I ran out of stuff to say.
Quinn: So what happened?!
Mark: .... I pushed her .... into a bush.

Fake Roommate[edit]

Michael: I don't wanna live with "Mooshna."
Logan: Dietrich.
Michael: I don't want any new roommate!
Logan: Then we gotta figure out a way to make her think Chase still lives here.
Mark: (over walkie-talkie) Can I stop doing this?
Michael: (into walkie-talkie; yelling) NO!

(Michael is swimming in the hot tub before Logan arrives)
Logan: Hey, Michael.
(he doesn't answer, so Logan throws a squish toy football at him. Michael goes crazy, then turns to him and removes his goggles and snorkel)
Michael: What?
Logan: Our problems are over!
Michael: You got us that special shampoo?
Logan: No. I found a way to convince that housing lady that Chase is still our roommate.
Michael: How are we gonna do that?
(Logan leaves to go get something, then comes back with a fake version of Chase and waves his arm)
Logan: (impersonates Chase) I'm back.
(Michael nods at the idea as Logan does some poses on the fake Chase)

Zoey: Hey guys, will you sign this petition to bring Coco back?
(Girls laugh)

Mira: Well, it's really cool to meet you guys. If you need me, call any time. (Mira leaves)
Zoey, Lola, Quinn, and Stacey: Bye.
Lola: Wow, a dorm adviser who's normal.
Quinn: Who dresses cool.
Lola: And doesn't smell like bugs and ravioli.
Zoey: Ok, can we stop trashing Coco behind her back?
Quinn: Why not? Most people trash her right to her face.
Zoey: Yeah, but I feel like I got her fired.
Lola: It wasn't your fault.
Stacey: Anyways, Coco already got another job.
Zoey: She did?
Lola: Really?
Quinn: Already?
Stacey: Yeah, she's working at Vaccaro's Fancy Restaurant just a half a mile up the street from PCA.
Lola: See, I bet a server there makes a ton more money than a school dorm advisor.
Zoey: Good, that makes me feel a little better.
Stacey: Um, Coco isn't working there as a server.
Zoey: Then what's she doing there? (scene changes to Carl's Mini Fancy Restaurant's lady's restroom)
Coco: (to woman) Hey! I'm Coco, ladies restroom attendant. You having a nice dinner? What'd you order? (sniffs her) Steak! (woman walks away and Zoey walks in) Zoey, what are you doing here?
Zoey: Well, Stacey told me you got a job and I just wanted to come by and say "hey."
Coco: Hey.
(older woman walks in and goes into the stall)
Zoey: Look, I'm so sorry about what happened.
Coco: I'm not. This job is fantastic.
Zoey: Yeah?
Coco: Yeah, seriously. Don't worry about it. It's really great, um, sometimes they let me--
Old Woman: (from inside a stall) Oh my GOD! This toilet's stopped up! Do you mind?
Coco: Yes, ma'am. (Coco heads over to the stall and turns to Zoey, sobbing) "KILL ME!! GO GET A HAMMER, THEN COME BACK, AND KILL ME WITH IT!" (walks into the stall) OH! WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!

Lola: Either of you two seen the remote?
Quinn: It's right over there.
[Lola tries to reach the remote from her cushion, unsuccessfully]
Lola: I guess I'll just take a nap.

[when the girls are going with Dean Rivers to confront Mira]
Lola: You don't have any peanut butter in your pocket, do you? [he looks at her confused]

Lola: When I was little, I only liked smooth peanut butter. But now I'm a chunky girl.
Quinn: Chunky?
Lola: Well, not THAT way.

Quinn: [chasing a group of people] I'LL CATCH YOU EVENTUALLY! JUST SIGN THE PETITION!

Mira: [crying] Are you gonna fire me?
Dean Rivers: Well, duh!
Lola: Get out of here, you nutbar!

[after Burvich sees that Michael and Logan used a fake Chase]
Burvich: FAKE! He's a fake boy! I knew Chase Matthews left PCA. And let me tell you something, mister...you and Logan are getting...
Michael: OH, HA HA HA! [runs off]
Burvich: You and Logan...ARE GETTING A NEW ROOMMATE!!!

Alone at PCA[edit]

(Coco is crying really loud and putting suitcases into the back of her car)
Zoey: Um, Coco?
Coco: I can't go camping, leave me alone.
Lola: Okay, what do you mean you can't go camping?
Zoey: What's the problem?
Coco: I thought Carl, my boyfriend, might be cheating on me.
(The kids all moan)
Coco: So I went to his house and I climbed up the tree in his front yard to wait for him to come home, right?
Kids: Right, makes sense, yea.
Coco: Then I thought he was gonna bring home another girl, which he did, but it was his mother.
Logan: Okay, well, that's good.
Coco: No, because the branch I was sitting on broke and I fell on her.
Lola: Oh my God!
Zoey: Is she hurt?
Coco: I don't know, Carl says she has a fractured neck or something.
Michael: Okay, so then what happened?
Coco: He called me a lunatic, then broke up with me, so now I have to drive to Frezno and fix this.
(Coco continues crying and gets in the front seat of her car)
Quinn: You can't just leave us here at PCA.
Lola: It's semester break!
(Coco starts driving away and crying)
Logan: Wait!
Zoey: What are we supposed to do?
(Coco drives away and her suitcase falls out of the back of her car spilling underwear and ravioli all over the road.)

Dean Rivers: You both know why you're here? [neither Michael nor Logan talks] Well? You want to confess?
Michael: I'm sorry! My apple tasted funny so I just heaved it! I didn't know it was gonna hit that squirrel!
Logan: I have no idea what he's talking about.
Dean Rivers: This isn't about squirrels or fruit!

Zoey: Hey guys, we got a problem.
Quinn: What's wrong?
Zoey: Michael just called me and said that he and Lo...Why is Quinn a clown?
Lola: I got bored!

[Zoey and Lola are going around campus checking suspects for who might have smashed the trophy]

Zoey: So you're sure you were nowhere near the admin building last night between midnight and 1:00 a.m?
Lunch Lady: I'm sure. I was already in bed asleep by 10-
Lola: [yelling] WE'RE NOT IDIOTS!!!
Lunch Lady: I-I never called you an-
Lunch Lady: Now you're scaring me!
Zoey: 'Scuse us! (drags Lola away)
Lola: She's a liar! That's a lying lunch lady!

Lola: [yelling at Shaymus] DID YOU SMASH THE TROPHY?!
Shaymus: I never smashed nothing, you little chicken!
Lola: LIAR!!!
Zoey: We're sorry we bothered you!
Shaymus: [to Lola] I'm sorry SHE exists!

Zoey: Okay, but hurry, because I bet the guys are freaking out.

[cuts to Michael and Logan's room]

Michael: I am freaking out! I am freaking out, man!
Logan: Relax!
Michael: We're under dorm arrest! If my grandma hears my name in the same sentence with the word "arrest", that lady's gonna back up over me with her pick-up truck. And she's got big old tractor tires on that thing! How come you're so calm about this?
Logan: Because, I'm rich and innocent. I'm also great looking, but that's just gravy.

Rumor Of Love[edit]

Zoey: Awesome. So, I'll see you in class tomorrow.
James: I'll see you.
(James and Zoey stare passionately at one moment. Then they kiss for the first time)
Both: Oh, my God.
(they kiss again)

Anger Management[edit]

(Logan is sending an angry voicemail to Dustin)
Logan: Listen to me, Dustin! I told you that I expect you to answer your cellphone when I call! I've been trying to reach you for over 10 minutes! And now, I'm late for ping pong! Okay! You've made a fool out of me for the last time! I don't care if you're 11, or 12, or however old you are! You're old enough to not be this much of an idiot!

[After Dustin plays Logan's voicemail for Zoey, James, and Michael]
Michael: Oh my God.
James: Who talks to a kid like that?
Zoey: [angrily walks over to the closet and begins rummaging] Michael, where are your golf clubs? I'm gonna use a five iron on Logan's head! Here they are. [draws out a long golf club and begins walking towards the door, but James takes the club from her and Michael grabs her around the waist and lifts her up] Hey, put me down! [Michael sits her down on the couch beside him] Am I the only one who wants to do something about this?!
Michael: No, you're just the only one who wants to drive Logan's head 150 yards.
Zoey: I want to get him!
James: We're gonna get him.
Zoey: How?!
James: I think we just need to let Logan hear what he sounds like. [waves Dustin's cellphone with Logan's voicemail on it]
Dustin: He won't care.
Zoey: No way he'll care.
James: I bet he'll care if a lotta people hear what he sounds like. [connects Dustin's cellphone to the computer and begins uploading the voicemail online]

Logan: (addressing anger management class) I go to PCA, a boarding school not too far from here. And I left a voicemail to this kid, Dustin---
David: You're the jerk that left that voicemail?!
Angry Female student: I heard that on the internet!
(Anger management class surrounds Logan and starts yelling at him)

Michael: Ha, hey! It's the angry young man!
Logan: Not funny, dude! I just spent two hours in a classroom full of freaks!

[while Logan's voicemail is being shown on PCA News]
Jeremiah Trottman: I know it's not the place of a journalist to give his opinion, but in this case I must. Logan Reese, you are despicable! Jeremiah Trottman, PCA News. Courage!

Quinn: So, we're good?
Lola: We're good. What do you say we go down to the lounge and gawk at guys?
Quinn: Let's gawk. (the two walk off laughing)

James: Hey, I'm gonna go shoot some hoops.
Logan: Who cares what you do?

Zoey: Look at you! How can you not get mad?!
Logan: 'Cause I'm too smart for you. And you. And you!

Logan:(To Katie) Hey, can I borrow a pen?
Katie:(To Logan) DON'T HASSLE ME!!!
(Anger management class surrounds Logan and starts yelling at him once again)

Quinn Misses The Mark[edit]

Michael: Smell my breath!
Logan: No!
Michael: Smell it! Does it smell like cookie in here? (he breathes in Logan's face)
Logan: Gross! NEVER do that again!

(Quinn is playing with an art program on her computer to mess up a picture of Mark)
Lola: What'cha doing?
Quinn: Mangling Mark's face.
Lola: This is not a good use of your time.
Quinn: Well, it makes me feel better!

James: Uh-oh, Zoey says I'm late.
Michael: For what?
James: I don't know. But she's my girlfriend, and says I'm late. So the best thing would be for me to run.

Lola: Oh, God...you guys aren't gonna be one of those couples, aren't you?
Zoey: I just fed him a grape. Want me to feed you one?
Lola: Okay. (she does)

(Logan rides past Quinn sitting on a bench and crying so he turns his Jet-X around and parks it by the bench)
Logan: What's your problem?
Quinn: Nothing, Logan. Just keep riding.
Logan: You been crying? What's wrong?
Quinn: Nothing!
Logan: C'mon. Talk to me.
Quinn: Mark broke up with me.
Logan: Oh, yeah. I heard you got dumped...(Quinn has a hurt look on her face)...Broken up with.
Quinn: Yeah, after two years.
Logan: Why did he dump...(Quinn looks hurt)...break up with you?
Quinn: 'Cuz he fell for Brooke Margolin.
Logan: Oh, she's hot...(Quinn gives him a "Why would you say that?" look)...hot-ish.
(Quinn rolls her eyes and it transitions to Michael and the horse)
Michael: (to the horse) You gotta quit following me around. (walks ahead then horse neighs) This is a school. You are not enrolled in it. Now, please, just go on home. (starts to walk away but horse follows) Will you stop following me around everywhere? Look, I'm not your owner and I'm not your friend. There, I said it.
(Zoey runs up to them, looking worried and running late)
Zoey: Michael.
Michael: What?
Zoey: Can I use your Jet-X?
Michael: It's back in my dorm.
Zoey: Oh, man!
Michael: What's the problem?
Zoey: I laid down in the lounge to take a 5 minute nap, which turned into a 45 minute nap, and if I don't get to class in...(checks her phone for the time)...four minutes, Mr. Thatcher's gonna give me a zero and ruin my life.
Michael: Well, uh...(looks at the horse)...I'll get you there...(jumps on horse)...give me your hand.
Zoey: Where did you get a horse?
Michael: No time for questions. Give me your hand. (Zoey reaches out to Michael, who gets her up on the horse. They ride off for class)
Zoey: This is insane.
(Transitions back to Quinn and Logan on the bench)
Quinn: I mean, I guess I can't be mad at Mark.
Logan: Well, if it makes you feel any better, I think Mark's an idiot.
Quinn: Yeah, yeah, I know you hate him.
Logan: I don't hate him, I mean, he's an idiot for breaking up with you.
Quinn: Why do you say that?
Logan: I don't know, I mean, we all know you're weird...(Quinn looks away slightly insulted)...but you're smart, pretty, and you're kinda fun.
Quinn: Thanks.
Logan: Sure, and why are you dressed like that?
Quinn: I was trying to compete with Brooke.
Logan: Well, don't.
(Logan puts on Quinn's glasses)
Logan: There's Quinn.
(they kiss until Zoey and Michael ride past on the horse)
Logan: Weirdest. Day. Ever.
Quinn: Uh-huh.
(they slide away to opposite ends of the bench and avoid looking at each other, and then the scene transitions again)


Logan: Do you think he knows we're dating?
Quinn: He might, which is really bad!
Logan: I know! ...Wanna go make out?
Quinn: Absolutely!

Lola: And you'll fix it?
Zoey: Yes, I'm Zoey, you new? Come on, Dustin.
[Zoey starts to leave, but Dustin is staring at Lola, who is wearing her bikini]
Lola: ...Quit looking at my swimsuit. (Nick's way of saying "Quit looking at my boobs.")
Dustin: I'm not. You have a bug on your stomach.
(Lola screams as she waves herself around trying to get it off her)

Lola: [trying to knit her sweater] I am going to FIX you! ...After I eat that pudding. [she takes the pudding bowl from the pool table, but Michael takes it out of her hands]

Vince is Back[edit]

Logan: So that's it?!
Michael: That's just it?!
Quinn: Yep!
Michael: So Dean Rivers is just fine with letting him go to school here?
Lola: Uh-huh.
Quinn: He wouldn't even listen to us.
Zoey: He just sat there making a teeny cheesecake.
Logan: Did you remind him that he beat up me, Michael and Chase?!
Michael: AND Del Figgalo!
Quinn: Well, Mark probably deserved it.
Lola: But he was your boyfriend.
Logan: Well, he's not anymore! [Zoey and James look at each other confused, and Quinn glares at him] Well, he's not.
Michael: I'm outraged! Out-raged!
Zoey: Me, too!
James: Now calm down. Have a capucchino.

Michael: We're gonna dish out a little comeuppance.
Logan: The little thing you wear on your tuxedo?

Logan: You're lame.
Lola: You're stupid!
Quinn: Leave him alone!

Dinner For Two Many[edit]

Michael: Just thought I'd invite you to come shoot some pool with me and Lola! ...But she's awful.
Lola: I heard that.
Michael: Even though she's bad at pool, she's got some really good hearing!

Lola: Is it wrong to be in love with a crabcake?
Michael: If it's wrong, then I don't want to be right.
Quinn: Did you guys know that crabs are omnivores that eat algae and fungus and worms?
Lola: Algae and fungus and worms?
Michael: Oh my!
[Lola and Logan puts their crabcake down]

Maurice: Well, I guess someone doesn't understand what "banned" means.
Coco: Maurice, listen--
Maurice: Oh, get out of my sight.
Coco: Wait. Why are you in the women's restroom?
Quinn: He likes the lollipops.
Maurice: I want you and your little chicky friends outta here.
Lola: You can't throw us out!
Coco: Yeah. Look, Maurice--
Maurice: [removes the girls from the women's restroom] Yes, I can throw you out. Turn around. There's the exit. Move. Move, ladies. Ladies. Must I call security on you? Out of my bathroom. Out of my restaurant.
[Quinn, Lola, Coco and Maurice argue as Coco whimpers]
James: What's going on?
Zoey: I don't know.
Quinn: Quit pushing us!
Lola: We are citizens!
Coco: Carl, help!
Carl: [gets up from his seat and stops Maurice] Hey! Hey! What's the deal, buddy?
Maurice: The deal is get out unless you want me to call the police.
Coco: Make him let go of me.
Carl: Sorry, baby. I'm on parole. [takes his food from the table and leaves the restaurant]
Coco: [starts to cry]
[Zoey, James, Logan and Michael get up from their seats and confront Maurice]
James: Sir, what's the problem here?
Maurice: Mind your own business.
Zoey: Don't talk to him like that.
Michael: And let her go.
Maurice: Oh. Is she a friend of yours?
Michael: That's right.
Maurice: Then all of you out of here! [the people at Vacarro get up from their seats and start to argue as the rest of the gang do the same when Maurice tries to throw Coco out of the restaurant] Come on, Coco. Get out, Get out, Get out, Coco.
Logan: Do you know who my father is?
Maurice: You're never coming in here again. Banned, Coco. Banned.
Man: Freaks!
[while everyone argue, Lola takes a carrot, eats it and smiles]

Coffee Cart Ban[edit]

Michael: But I just got a new mug!
Dean Rivers: Then fill it with chowder!
Michael: Chowder?

Zoey: Dang it!
Lola: Who says dang it?
Zoey: People who grew up in the South?

Zoey: Everyone! (Everyone in Zoey's dorm looks) We're about to get busted!
(People look worried and shocked)
Quinn: Well, don't just stand there!
Lola: Hide everything!
(Everyone starts hiding everything)

Michael: I told you not to buy those cheap cups! (holds up a cardboard box that says "Kups") Don't buy cups with a "K"!
Logan: They're quality cups!
Michael: Look around!

Zoey: Well, none of the kids at PCA think it was fair of you to ban the coffee carts in the first place.
Dean Rivers: Who asked you?
Zoey: You just did.
Dean Rivers: Don't twist my words. When I ban something from this campus, it's banned! For you, for me, for everyone! [looks at Quinn's laser gun] And what is this thing? [picks it up]
Quinn: I wouldn't touch that.
Dean Rivers: I am the dean of this... (accidentally shoots a laser at his cupboard that destroys it)

(after Dean Rivers accidentally uses Quinn's laser gun and destroys his cupboard, which reveals a coffee machine)
Lola: What is that?
Dean Rivers: (tries to hide it) Nothing! Let's forget about this whole thing, dismissed!
Michael: (takes the coffee kettle) My goodness.
Quinn: Is that coffee?
Zoey: It looks like coffee!
Michael: It smells like coffee!
Logan: I am gabberflasted! [Everyone looks at him weirdly] I AM SHOCKED!

Quinn: You're not gonna charge me, are you baby?
Logan: Yes I am.
Quinn: But, we're, boyfriend and girlfriend.
Logan: I know but, business is business.

Quinn: Stop zapping Logan!

Dean Rivers: I am flabbergasted, flabbergasted! Do you understand me?
(Everyone nods their heads "yes", except Logan who shakes his head "no" )
Dean Rivers: What don't you understand, Logan?
Logan: What flabbergasted means...
Dean Rivers: It means I am shocked and outraged that you kids would defy PCA rules and run two illegal coffee shops right under my nose! I banned the coffee shops for a reason, and I expect my rules to be respected! Well, what do you have to say? (Everyone looks at Zoey)

Roller Coaster[edit]

Physics teacher: Why do I feel like Quinn is the only one who cares?
Quinn: Even I don't care...
Physics teacher: Oh, I'm a boring teacher.

Logan: (unaware that Lola tossed his hamburger into a fountain) Didn't I have a hamburger?
Lola: I'm having fruit!

???: Anybody lose a hamburger? I found this in the fountain.
Logan: Yeah, I...I think that's mine. (he squeezes it, and water drips from it, shrugs, and takes a bite of it)

Lisa: I hate seeing you this upset!
Michael: I'm not upset! I'm happy.
Lisa: Why?
Michael: Because...Lola made Logan's earlobe bleed. I enjoy that.

Michael: (grabs Logan by the shirt) You told everybody that I'm afraid of roller coasters!
Logan: Uh, James, I think he's about to kill me. Little help?
James: Hang on, I'm organizing this playlist.

Zoey: James, why aren't you doing anything?!
James: I am. I'm making you a really cool playlist.
Zoey: Aw.

Lola: Michael!
Quinn: Stop!
Zoey: He'll stop.
James: Yeah, I know. There's a fence. (Michael, screaming, runs through the fence and it breaks)

Coco's cousin: Remember when I wore the wedding dress and scared the snot out of you?
Michael: YES. I do. (Coco's cousin laughs menacingly) Thank you. That's very nice.

Chasing Zoey[edit]

Quinn: Ok, what do you think? Am I prom ready?
Lola: Yeah... but don't you think that dress is a little too sexy for your date... Dustin?
Quinn: Dustin's... very mature for his age.
Lola: (sarcastically) Yeah, I hear his bedtime got moved up to 8:15.

Quinn: Why couldn't you have broken up with James after the prom?
Lola: Why did you break up with him at all?
Quinn: James is awesome.
Zoey: I know James is awesome, and I know you think I was stupid to break up with him, and maybe you're right, but I did it, and now it's done. (Notices the shoes in Quinn's hand that her roommates want her to wear to the prom) Oh my God! Those shoes are cute!

Logan: Can I at least give you an idea of who I'd like to take?
Quinn: Sure.
Logan: Do you see those twins over there?
Quinn: Sure, which one do you want?
Logan: Both.
Lola: Quinn, Quinn, Quinn, Quinn, Quinn, Quinn.
Quinn: What?

Quinn: You're so irritating sometimes.
Logan: Wanna go make out?
Quinn: Yes!

Stacey: Logie, come on!
Logan: I'M COMING!!

Logan: Let's go, Dillson.
Stacey: Sure thing.... Reese.

Lola: Just because you broke up with James doesn't mean you have to be the only person at PCA who's not gonna be there.
Quinn: Lots of people are going dateless.
Lola: Yeah! Firewire, and uh... Firewire!
Quinn: That weird Swedish kid that smells like meat!

Chase:(After falling off the building rooftop ledge) I'm alright, I'm okay. I just lost my baaaalance! CONCRETE!

Mark: He made me drive his stick-shift!
Michael: Aw, he graped when he shoulda tuna-ed!

Michael: I know! (Turns around to face Chase) Chase, she talks perfectly now! (Double takes) CHASE!

Lola: So, what do we do now?
Vince: Follow the nerds!

Lola: Did we miss anything good?
Michael: Naaah, you didn't miss much.
Chase: Nothing important.
Lola: Oh, good, 'coz.... CHASE!
Chase: Give me some love!
Michael: Let me give you some love!

Stacey: You smell so good, like cinnamon sticks.
Logan: Uh, thanks.
Stacey: Let's see if your lips taste like cinnamon sticks. (kisses Logan against his will) What's wrong?
Stacey: Why wouldn't you wanna kiss me? My lips are moist.
Stacey: Wha-What?
Unknown Guy: You love Quinn?
Logan: That's right. (Awkward Silence) I love Quinn Pensky.
Quinn: And I love Logan Reese.
Dustin: You used me?! (Dustin Storms out. Logan and Quinn run to each other and kiss)

External links[edit]