Divorce

Divorce or dissolution of marriage is the ending of a marriage before the death of either spouse.

When love ceases, when in erotic love, in friendship, in short, when in the loving relationship between two people something comes between them so that love ceases, then the two, as we human beings speak, break up. Love was a bond, was in a good sense between them; then when something comes between then, love is displaced, it ceases; the connection between them is broken, and the break enters divisively between them. Therefore it comes to a break. Christianity, however, does not know this use of language, does not understand it, refuses to understand it. When one says it comes to a break, this is because one is of the opinion that in love there is only a relationship between two, rather than that it is a relationship among three, as has been shown. … So what does Christianity do? Its earnestness promptly concentrates eternity’s attention upon the single individual, upon each single one of the two. This is, as the two in love relate themselves to each other, they relate themselves, each one of them separately to love. Now if it does not go at all easily with the break. Before it comes to the break, before one of them comes to the point of breaking his or her love in relation to the other, that one must first fall away from love. This is the important point; therefore Christianity does not speak about the couple’s breaking with each other but only about what the single individual is always able to do-to fall away from love. ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Quotes

• While God created Adam, who was alone, He said, 'It is not good for man to be alone. He also created a woman, from the earth, as He had created Adam himself, and called her Lilith. Adam and Lilith immediately began to fight. She said, 'I will not lie below,' and he said, 'I will not lie beneath you, but only on top. For you are fit only to be in the bottom position, while I am to be the superior one.' Lilith responded, 'We are equal to each other inasmuch as we were both created from the earth.' But they would not listen to one another. When Lilith saw this, she pronounced the Ineffable Name and flew away into the air.
  • Adam and Lilith in Alphabet of Sirach.

• Divorce is always good news. I know that sounds weird, but it’s true because no good marriage has ever ended in divorce … That would be sad. If two people were married and they were really and they just had a great thing and then they got divorced, that would be really sad. But that has happened zero times.
  • Louis C.K., "The Annotated Wisdom of Louis C.K.", Splitsider, (02/2013).

• When love ceases, when in erotic love, in friendship, in short, when in the loving relationship between two people something comes between them so that love ceases, then the two, as we human beings speak, break up. Love was a bond, was in a good sense between them; then when something comes between then, love is displaced, it ceases; the connection between them is broken, and the break enters divisively between them. Therefore it comes to a break. Christianity, however, does not know this use of language, does not understand it, refuses to understand it. When one says it comes to a break, this is because one is of the opinion that in love there is only a relationship between two, rather than that it is a relationship among three, as has been shown. … So what does Christianity do? Its earnestness promptly concentrates eternity’s attention upon the single individual, upon each single one of the two. This is, as the two in love relate themselves to each other, they relate themselves, each one of them separately to love. Now if it does not go at all easily with the break. Before it comes to the break, before one of them comes to the point of breaking his or her love in relation to the other, that one must first fall away from love. This is the important point; therefore Christianity does not speak about the couple’s breaking with each other but only about what the single individual is always able to do-to fall away from love.
  • Soren Kierkegaard Works of Love 1847 Hong 1995 p. 303-304.

• Incompatibility. And besides, I think she hated me.
  • Oscar Levant, on why his first marriage ended in divorce, in A Smattering of Ignorance (1940); as quoted in "Oscar Levant, A Musical Know-It-All, Writes Book About Music And Himself," Life (February 5, 1940), p. 55.

• A Roman divorced from his wife, being highly blamed by his friends, who demanded, "Was she not chaste? Was she not fair? Was she not fruitful?" holding out his shoe, asked them whether it was not new and well made. "Yet," added he, "none of you can tell where it pinches me."
  • Plutarch, Aemilius Paulus, sec. 29.

• [Reading a letter on T.V.] Dear Mrs. Doubtfire; Two months ago, my mom and dad decided to separate. Now they live in different houses. My brother Andrew says that we aren't a real family any more. Is this true? Did I lose my family? Is there anything I could do to get my parents back together? Sincerely, Katie McCormick." Oh, my dear Katie. You know, some parents get along much better when they don't live together. They don't fight all the time and they can become better people. Much better mommies and daddies for you. And sometimes they get back together. And sometimes they don't, dear. And if they don't... don't blame yourself. Just because they don't love each other doesn't mean that they don't love you. There are all sorts of different families, Katie. Some families have one mommy, some families have one daddy, or two families. Some children live with their uncle or aunt. Some live with their grandparents, and some children live with foster parents. Some live in separate homes and neighborhoods, in different areas of the country. They may not see each other for days, weeks, months or even years at a time. But if there's love, dear, those are the ties that bind. And you'll have a family in your heart forever. All my love to you, poppet. You're going to be all right. Bye-bye.
  • Mrs. Doubtfire, played by Robin Williams, screenplay by Randi Mayem Singer and Leslie Dixon.

• The fact that the majority of marriages in the United States end in divorce is widely known. In 1997, over 1.16 million divorces were granted in the United States – a rate of 4.3 per 1000 (National Center for Health Statistics, 1998). From the 1960s to the 1980s, the divorce rate increased by well over 200%. Although this increase leveled off in the 1990s, the failure of marriages in U.S. society continues to be a pervasive social problem (e.g. Hoffman & Duncan, 1988). This phenomenon has sparked what is sure to be a lengthy quest to discover the causes of divorce and the factors that contribute to its prevalence (e.g., Gottman, 1994).
  • Chris Segrin, Robin L. Nabi, “Does Television Viewing Cultivate Unrealistic Expectations About Marriage?”, Journal of Communication 52(2): June 2002, p. 247.

• Divorce is simply modern society's version of medieval torture. Except it lasts longer and leaves deeper scars. A divorce releases the most primitive emotions; the ugliest, raw feelings. Emotionally wounded people do their best to inflict pain upon the other party, but rather than using claws they use divorce lawyers.
  • William Shatner and David Fisher, Up Till Now: The Autobiography, pg. 136.

• For his pleasure he got married. On his thinking it over he got divorced.
  • Sumerian proverb, Collection II at The Electronic Text Corpus of Sumerian Literature, 3rd millennium BCE.

• Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.
  • Robin Williams, "Robin Williams: 'Divorce is like ripping a man’s genitals out through his wallet’", Judith Woods, The Telegraph, (12 Aug 2014).

See also

• Divorce in Islam