Friday the 13th (2009 film)
Friday the 13th is a 2009 American horror film directed by Marcus Nispel, and written by Damian Shannon and Mark Swift. It is a reboot of the Friday the 13th film series, which began in 1980 and whose last film was the 2003 crossover film Freddy vs. Jason.
- Directed by Marcus Nispel. Written by Damian Shannon and Mark Swift.
- Hey Mikey, wear a condom! An extra small one.
- May the Force be with your Schwartz!
- There's something in there. Looks like some kind of a doll.
- Oh my God, babies have more space in the uterus.
- Shoot the boot!
- Fine. To all the felching, welching, pussies of the world!
- [looking at a stuffed bobcat] That is a fierce pussy.
- In my next life, I want to come back as one of the buttons on the asspocket of her jeansshorts.
- Hey! Here's to daddy issues and fucking douchebags. Let's just all be one big happy cliché!
- Hi, my name is Trent. My daddy bent me over this chair and beat me when I was little, so you need to fix it.
- Are you looking for this? Because, uh, it completes your outfit.
- Hey. Now, this is a real man's sport. You're even curved to the left, like my penis
- They don't call me the "wood wizard" because I masturbate a lot.
- Are you kidding? I have a better shot at fucking a penguin than that girl.
- Jesus Christ! Fuckin' lucky there, Stretch! You came about that close to hittin' the start button on the whup-ass machine, boy!
- I forgot, did you want to buy some weed? Seriously, I sprung a fucking shit-ton of it growing out there, a little bushel. Sell you some.
- It's your fuckin' loss, dude! It'll fuck your shit up, boy. Good times. Fucker.
- [to mannequin] It's been a long time, Gina. You remember that special night we had? You remember when you took my virginity? You're sexy. You're still tight as ever. I wanna fuckin' pound you so hard.
- [sees Jason unmasked] What the fu-? That shit ain't fuckin' right dude!
- Oh, you like that? You like the balls in your hand, huh?
- I don't care about your damn lip, this is a family heirloom!
- Your tits are Supendous!
- Did you forget how to drink that? Just put it to your lips, blow, and suck.
- Pamela Voorhees: Come here! Come here now. You're the last one. I've killed all the others. It'll be easier for you than it was for Jason.
- Camp Counselor: Why are you doing this?
- Pamela Voorhees: You need to be punished for what you did to him. You let him drown. Jason was my son.
- Camp Counselor: No! No, please!
- Pamela Voorhees: You should've been watching him. Every minute!
- [Camp Counselor decapitates Pamela. Young Jason approaches the body, picks up the photo-locket.]
- Voice of Pamela Voorhees: Jason. My special, special boy. They must be punished, Jason. For what they did to you. For what they did to me.
- [Young Jason picks up the machete, walks away.]
- Voice of Pamela Voorhees: Kill for mother.
- Wade: Hey guys! Guys! I just found some broken down cabins over there. It's got to be the old camp. Who wants to go check it out?
- Mike: Is this all we brought to drink, no Heineken or anything?
- Richie: Fuck that euro-shit, this is Pabst Blue American Ribbon, my friend.
- Wade: You do realize this camp was closed down like 20 years ago? Some woman, she went fucking nuts, killed all these counselors. Blamed them for her son's drowning, he was like deformed or retarded or something. Mom got hers. Uh, apparently there was one survivor. This girl, she cut that lady's head off with a machete. It gets weirder.
- Richie: I'm sure it does.
- Wade: Her son, Jason, he came back. He was actually there. He watched his mom being beheaded. Actually, a friend of mine, he went to camp around here..
- Richie: Aw, sh..
- Wade: He went to camp around here! He said the cops came, they were looking for that Jason guy. You know what? Don't believe me, nobody does. Don't believe me. But I'm pretty sure the way the story goes, the place was called Camp Crystal Lake.
- Richie: Do you know how many lakes are probably called Crystal Lake? Crystal Geyser, Crystal Water. Go to a supermarket, every single bottle of water is Crystal something.
- Wade: Aquafina.
- Richie: Okay, fine.
- Wade: Okay.
- Richie: The story could've happened anywhere dude, that's how they get little kids to shit themselves.
- Richie: How's that beer treatin' ya, beer snob?
- Mike: Better than my own piss.
- Wade: You can drink that by the way. Yours, hers, hers, mine, yours.
- Whitney: What?
- Wade: Swear to God, piss is sterile.
- Amanda: For the record, you will never drink my piss.
- Wade: That's what you think.
- Richie: I get it though, dude, you do what you've got to do to survive, you know? If we were all out here starving to death, and you were, and you were dead, I'd eat your leg.
- Amanda: Really sweet. Yeah.
- Richie: Thank you.
- Wade: Why would you eat my leg, man? I can teach you how to fish, just go fishing.
- Richie: I don't eat fish.
- Amanda: That's not what you told me.
- Trent: Nolan! How about I pay, you pump?
- Nolan: Sure, man. Hey, I give a wicked blowjob too.
- Trent: Okay, well, uhm, we'll try it out later.
- Clay Miller: I wanted to ask you if maybe you've seen somebody. It's my sister. She came camping up around here with some friends. And she's gone missing.
- Old Lady: She ain't missing. She's dead.
- Clay Miller: What?
- Old Lady: When people go missing around here, they're gone for good. Outsiders come, they don't know where to walk. They bring trouble. We just want to be left alone! And so does he.
- Clay: So does who?
- Lawrence: Just go up and talk to her.
- Chewie: Are you kidding me? I have a better shot at fucking a penguin than that girl.
- Trent: You better pull some MacGyver shit. Go to the toolshed, it's down the path.
- Chewie: Yeah, okay. Trent, I'm sorry, man. You won't be disappointed. They don't call me the wood wizard 'cause I masturbate a lot.
- Whitney Miller: Jason!,...
- [Jason turns to Whitney]
- Whitney Miller: Say hi to mommy. [stabs Jason in the chest with his own machete.] ... in hell!
- Welcome to Crystal Lake.
- Jason lives. Many will die.
- Prepare for the day everyone fears...
- You know his name. You know the story. On Friday the 13th, witness his resurrection...
- Jared Padalecki - Clay Miller
- Danielle Panabaker - Jenna
- Amanda Righetti - Whitney Miller
- Travis van Winkle - Trent
- Aaron Yoo - Chewie
- Derek Mears - Jason Voorhees
- Jonathan Sadowski - Wade
- Julianna Guill - Bree
- Ben Feldman - Richie
- Arlen Escarpeta - Lawrence
- Ryan Hansen - Nolan
- Willa Ford - Chelsea
- Nick Mennell - Mike
- America Olivo - Amanda