ALF (season 4)
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ALF was an American sitcom that aired on NBC. The title character is Gordon Shumway, a sarcastic, friendly extraterrestrial nicknamed ALF (an acronym for Alien Life Form), who crash-lands in the garage of the suburban middle-class Tanner family.
Baby, Come Back [4.01]
- Kate: [trying to find a babysitter for Eric] I know, I can call Mrs. Applebaum.
- ALF: Don't you remember? She's now become Mr. Applebaum.
- Kate: Oh, that's right. I should send flowers.
- ALF: A little late for that. Send aftershave.
- [Willie and Kate are trying to find a babysitter for Eric]
- ALF: And have you thought about what happens to me, when that ... "human babysitter" rummages trough my fridge?
- Kate: What do you mean your fridge?
- ALF: Okay its your fridge, but the fuzz in the meatdoor is mine!
- Willie: [reading tabloid] "Amazon women found on Alpha Centauri." So?
- ALF: Everyone knows Alpha Centauri is just a bunch of bowling alleys and divorced guys!
- Brian: [reading from his history book] Okay, here's the last one. "What German leader was responsible for starting World War Two?"
- ALF: That's a tough one. It was either Colonel Klink or Sergeant Schultz. It was probably Klink. Schultz could have never pulled it off.
We're in the Money [4.04]
- Willie: Some people are so blinded by the thirst for money, that it causes them to lose their values and do things they shouldn't do.
- ALF: Well, that explains Ghostbusters II.
He Ain't Heavy, He's Willie's Brother [4.07]
- [the Tanners talk about ALF getting to know Willie's brother]
- Lynn: He's a wonderful guy, with a terrific sense of humor.
- ALF: I'm not gonna marry him, if that's what you're getting at.
- Willie: You're meeting my brother, it's not the Pope.
- ALF: I'd rather meet the Pope. I love his hats.
- Willie: Well, at least he has that storm door business to keep him occupied.
- ALF: Talk about that Tanner zest for life!
Live and Let Die [4.09]
- ALF: [about Lucky] I'm reminded of a prayer he used to recite every night before bed: "And if I die before I wake, chicken fry me like a steak."
- Willie: [at Lucky's funeral] Don't you have any respect for people's feelings?
- ALF: Well, excuse me, but where I'm from this is ludicrous! It's like having a funeral for a hamburger!
Break Up to Make Up [4.10]
- [Lynn is showing ALF two drawings on the board]
- ALF: Okay, okay, we got a clock and a bird. Bird watch! Uh, bird watching. That's it, let's eat. Are you sure? Watch bird. Watch bird. [Lynn draws an arrow] One flew over the cuckoo's nest. [Lynn grunts] That's my final answer, make it work. Oh, come on, what else could it be? [timer dings]
- Lynn: What about time flies?
- ALF: What about a decent clue?
Happy Together [4.11]
- Neal: How far away was Melmac?
- ALF: In feet? Pretty far, I guess.
- Neal: Well what solar system was it in?
- ALF: I don't know. This may be a good time to tell you. I was a P.E. major.
- Mrs. Watson: We've had a lot of complaints about you from the other tenants!
- Neal: You have?
- Mrs. Watson: I'm afraid so. But I told them, "he's new, he's down on his luck, his wife threw him out, and he's a little pathetic."
- Neal: Well, thank you. I appreciate your kind words.
- Willie: How are you feeling, ALF?
- ALF: Like someone stuffed gerbils up my nose!
- Kate: Willie!
- ALF: Oh, yeah. He's pinned underneath the grill. I didn't want to embarrass him by drawing undue attention to him.
It's My Party [4.13]
- Willie: Oh, what the heck, honey? Let's do it! Let's throw a party?
- Kate: I don't know, Willie. What about "you know who"?
- ALF: Who, Brian? Don't worry about it! I'll have a talk with him!
- [Willie ties ALF up outside after seeing him in the room dancing]
- ALF: Willie, it's not my fault. It was that devil music, it called to me. Suddenly, I was burning with passion, desperately looking for a carbon maranda hat. The kind of fruit?
- Willie: Ah, ha! You can't be trusted pal, this is for your own good.
- ALF: Ha! There isn't a garbage shed in the town that could hold [Willie leaves after tying ALF up] Da, da, da, da, da, da, [burps] Ow!
Make 'em Laugh [4.14]
- ALF: Anyone here have been to a fast food restaurant? On Melmac, they were the worst. You ask for extra crispy, they give you a cat with a tritest. [crowd laughs] You know about the Melmacian National Library burning down? They lost both books. [crowd laughs] And the second one wasn't even colored in yet! Ha! [everyone claps]
- [ALF wakes up from his dream]
- ALF: I was funny, I was funny, I was funny.
- Willie: [he and Kate come in the room] ALF!
- ALF: Whoa!
- Willie: You're alright?
- ALF: Oh, Willie, I had a nightmare. I was a stand up comic and I had to clean up vomit! Listen, I've decided not to be a comedian. I hope you're not too disappointed.
- Willie: Oh, we dealt with you giving up Dirty Dancing I think we can deal with this.
- ALF: Thanks. I just realized I'm too pretty to be funny. I envy you Kate.
- Kate: Thanks, AL.
- ALF: What?
- Kate: You heard me. Breakfast will be ready in 15 minutes. [leaves the room]
- Willie: [does do some kung fu moves] Because you must be STARVING, STRAVING! [ALF freaks out] Hurry up because Eric in Charge is on!
- ALF: No! [wakes up from his real dream] No, no! Whoa! Whew! Well at least Woody Allen liked me. I'm getting out of comedy. Think I'll be a plate spinner. Yeah.
Love on the Rocks [4.15]
- Neal: What if Margaret's the only one who ever wants me?
- ALF: In that case, take this sock of quarters and buy a gun.
- ALF: Not bad. Do it again. And this time, try to show a little leg.
- Lynn: ALF, I'm auditioning for Joan of Arc. I don't really think that would be appropriate. Just tell me if I've got the lines right.
- ALF: Okay. But I'm telling you, it would be a lot funnier if you were holding a rubber chicken.
True Colors [4.16]
- ALF: I can't believe it! My life no longer has meaning.
- Willie: Everything back to normal.
- ALF: Lynn, a word to the wise. Forget art! Stick with plan A - throw yourself at the first rich man to come along.
Gimme That Old Time Religion [4.17]
- [the Tanners help ALF becoming a minister. They are asking him questions from Melmac's holy book]
- Brian: What's is the kindest thing that you can do for someone else?
- ALF: Burp down wind.
- Willie: He's right. It says, "He who burps down wind can party with me any time."
Future's So Bright, I Gotta Wear Shades [4.18]
- ALF: I gotta face the facts…one of these days, Kate and Willie are going to take the six-foot plunge!
Consider Me Gone [4.24]
- ALF: [reading his stick] Four years and they give me a stick.
- [last scene of the series]
- Willie: Safe home, my friend.
- ALF: No problem, we'll be going against traffic.
- [A light shines on ALF as it's ready to take him home]
- Willie: ALF, someone's coming, get back here!
- [a group of vans come]
- ALF: What, aahh! Uh.. uh oh! Wait, wait! Don't leave me!
- [a group of officers come]
- Brian: ALF! Dad, do something!
- Officer: Stay where you are.
- ALF: [last lines] Uh.. hey guys want to grab a Burski? How about those Lakers, huh? This is my luck, I'm a sports fan among you.
- [the final episode ends with a group of officers surrounding ALF]