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Aladdin and the King of Thieves

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Aladdin and the King of Thieves is a 1996 Disney direct-to-video animated film. It is the second sequel to Aladdin, following The Return of Jafar; and the last of the Aladdin films and the animated series.

Dialogue

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[First lines]
Genie: [disguised as an elderly man] Ooh, in all my years, never have I seen the streets so full of bustle and hustle and assorted commotion!
Razoul: [first words] Our princess is to wed.
Genie: Oh, wonderful! And who's the lucky prince?
Razoul: Not a prince at all. Just a no-account street rat.
Genie: [reverts to his true form] NO WAY! [grabs Razoul] Try it phonetically. It's...ALADDIN! [a neon lit "Aladdin" sign appears, then blinks out] Aww. Some of you don't believe. [the main title appears as fireworks explode] [as Tinker Bell] In color! [giggles]
Genie: And your name is...?
Thor: [lispy voice] I'm Thor.
Genie: You're Thor?
Thor: Well, it hurts.
Genie: Once again, this whole broadcast has been brought to you by sand! It's everywhere! Get used to it!
Genie: I thought the was supposed to move until the honeymoon.
Sultan: Oh, oh, my word!
Genie: STAMPEDE!!!! (Elephant smash through the palace)
Iago: Meet your match, Zorro!
Cassim: Good birdie. Polly want a little...
Iago: Say "cracker" and I'll let you have it on principle!
Cassim: You killed Sa'luk. The code of the Forty Thieves is very clear on this point. You're in.
Thieves: Hooray! Hooray!
Genie: Hmmm, maybe you, you could elope! No, you cantelope, [pulls a cantaloupe from nowhere] But oh Honeydew! [slaps fruit into view, it turns into a Cinderella carriage] I dunno if I should put it in Props or Produce! Please, don't squeeze the tires, they're not quite ripe!
Aladdin: What's the ultimate treasure?
Cassim: The big one, boy. The Hand of Midas.
Aladdin: It's just a myth.
Cassim: It's not a myth, boy! It was once right here. Look, there's your proof! From stern to stem, every piece of rigging, every peg and board, all of it...solid gold!
Abu: Ooooh!
Iago: Adopt me, daddy-o!
Cassim: Touched by the Hand of Midas.
Aladdin: And sunk by it.
Razoul: This is the spot, men.
Fazal: But there is nothing here.
Razoul: No, but watch. Open caraway!
[The cave doesn't open]
Hakim: There is still nothing here.
Razoul: [mutters] When I get a hold of that no good...
Fazal: But I thought you said it was "open sesame".
[The ground vibrates as the cave opens up, Razoul grins wickedly]
Genie: Security's tight. No big crowd. Immediate family only.
Aladdin: Perfect. Because this is my...
Genie: No lowlifes this time. Other than the parrot, of course. Observe! [pushes a button on the remote control]
Robo-Genie: [appears] You have violated the perimeter of the Aladdin and Jasmine wedding! [arms his lasers] Prepare to be vaporized. Thank you! [opens fire; Genie, Aladdin, Cassim, and Iago duck]
Genie: Armed and dangerous! I'd like to see one of those 40 Thieves get within an inch of your wedding.
Iago: Ahem! Allow me to introduce...
Cassim: [laughs] The King of Thieves.
Genie: [shrieks; to his walkie talkie] All units, we have a Code Red! [then transforms into dozens of S.W.A.T. troopers, who take up positions around the room, at the same time the area is locked up by sealed doors; as multiple S.W.A.T. troopers] Code Red! Code Red! [as Scottish men] Come on, boys! Follow me! [all play bagpipes; as the Lone Ranger] Cavalry, FORWARD! [all Lone Rangers follow him; as paratroopers jumping out of a plane] Geronimo! Arapaho! Navajo! [as Pocahontas] Pocahontas! [all the Genies surround Cassim at gunpoint on all sides] Do not attempt to move or we'll be shooting ourselves!
Aladdin: [tries to push through the Genies] Genie!
Genie: Back off, Al! This creep's got a yellow sheet as long as my arm.
Aladdin: Genie, meet my dad.
[All the Genies stare wide-eyed at Cassim, who glares]
Genie: Stand down, men. Smoke 'em if you got 'em. [the other Genies disappear; to Cassim, threateningly] If you're Al's dad and the King of Thieves, I just wanna know one thing.
Cassim: Yeah?
Genie: [turns into a waiter] Will you be havin' the chicken or the sea bass?
Genie: It's a big, bright, beautiful future / Thank your lucky stars you're alive / Ya got someone special to talk to / A friend that you can trust for life! / You've been on your own / With no family ties [pulls out a selection of neckties]/ But those solo days are done / You'll be two of a kind / Spending quality time / Together / As father and son! / Buildin' model ships / Takin' fishin' trips / Workin' hand in hand / Paintin' the palace, an' mowin' the sand / First and ten-to-go / With your daddy-o / Once you break the ice / [as Albert Einstein ] You can postulate paternal advice /[speaking] See, you're traveling at the speed of life, that's the theory of relatives! / [regular singing voice in a Jetsons-inspired hover car] It's a fine, fantabulous future / I see fruit on the family tree / [as elderly man] You'll be great as a grumpy ol' grandpa / [as toddler triplets] Bouncing babies on your knee / You can fall asleep on the comfy couch /[turns into a basketball] After playin' one-on-one / Dreamin' back-to-back / That you walloped the Shaq / Together / As father and son!
Cassim: May be a bumpy ride
Aladdin: We'll make it side-by-side
Genie: [speaking] Good afternoon, I'll be your travel guide / Move over, laddie, / Make room for daddy! /[singing] You got a whole new shoulder to cry on / Take a chance now, give it a spin / You've had chums for pallin' around with / But you never had a friend like him! / [as Don Corleone at a dining table] Put your checkered past behind you now / No more livin' on the run / [regular singing voice in a Brady Bunch-esque opening sequence] Face the big, bright, beautiful future / Together... together... together... together... / As father and son!
Sa'luk: He's not in there! [burst the door] You didn't capture the King of Thieves?
Razoul: Because he was not at the hideout!
Sa'luk: He had to be there. Where else would he be?
Aladdin: Where is he?
Genie: [turns into Pumbaa from The Lion King] Hakuna Matata! [turns back, looks scared] Whoa. I was having an out-of-movie experience.
Aladdin: Genie, I need my father's clothes.
Genie: Al, c'mon! Why you gonna try on the King of Thieves get-up? Might I suggest something that doesn't actually say "ARREST ME"?! [in black and white prisoner clothes]
Cassim: Who-?
Aladdin: I've come to say "goodbye".
Cassim: Why are you-?
Aladdin: We don't have much time. While the guards chase me, you get out.
Cassim: I can't let you-
Aladdin: Forget it! They can't catch me. [tosses Cassim the keys]
Cassim: [to himself] He even sounds like me.
Sultan: Frankly my boy, your actions were most disappointing.
Razoul: It is tragic, Your Highness, but the street rat has obviously followed in his father's footsteps. Aladdin is a criminal.
Genie: [as an attorney] I object, Your Honor! [turns Razoul into a bailiff and the Sultan into the judge] I object to that outrageous statement. And I object to a tertiary character having any lines during my big courtroom scene. [hands him a suitcase and blasts him out of sight] Take this to a higher court! Ciao!
Mujahidden: [standing and karate chopping] It is a good day to die.
Sa'luk: [from the entrance] Or to come back from the dead.
Behrang: [gasps] Sa'luk?
Triplet Thieves: [in unison] You're alive?
Faizullah: Impossible!
Sa'luk: I'm a survivor, like all of you. No thanks to Cassim.
Omid: The king?
Mujahidden: You saw him?
Behrang: What's he want us to do now?
Sa'luk: [putting his knuckleduster back on] He wants you to rot in the palace dungeon.
Triplet Thieves: [in unison, while standing on each other] Bah! The King of Thieves is loyal to the end.
Sa'luk: [knocks the triplet thieves over] Pushovers! He betrayed you, sold you out.
Mujahidden: You have always hated the King. Why should we believe you?
Sa'luk: How do you think the guard got the magic words?
Behrang: He told him the magic words?
Triplet Thieves: [in unison] I don't believe him.
Behrang: Me neither.
Sa'luk: [chuckles] You've forgotten what life was like before Cassim. [starts to sing "Are You In Or Out?"] I remember a time when crime was sublime/There was plenty of loot in the lair/We'd plunder and pillage and ransack a village/With nary a worry or care/Then along cam this King with his soft-hearted dream/But he ratted us out in the end/So rally the troops/We were meant to regroup/And return to our roots once again/Are you in or out?/Gotta know without a doubt/I’m the one you need for a dirty deed/I'm the best/Success is guaranteed/Are you men or mice?/Take a slice of my advice/You want a fearless leader/One that's strong and stout/Better vote for me/Are you in or out?
[After "Are You In Or Out?" has finished, Cassim and Iago up the stairs]
Iago: I know the treasure's limitless, but I'm not crazy about a 40-way split. If it was just you and me...
Cassim: I would never cut my men out of the deal. They're my family, my only family. I can always count on them.
Cassim: [laughing] The Hand of Midas! [He touches golden hand some more instead of the bronze handle and Vanishing Isle starting to gold] Time to go, Aladdin!
[Sa'luk ambushes, knocking Aladdin down]
Sa'luk: Nobody's going anywhere. Give the Hand of Midas to me, Cassim, or your son dies.
Cassim: Sa'luk, your battle is with me!
Aladdin: Don't worry, Dad, I can take him alone.
Cassim: [quietly] But you're not alone. [started at the Hand of Midas] Not anymore. [to Sa'luk] You want the Hand of Midas, Sa'luk? Take it!
[in slow motion, Cassim throws the Hand of Midas to Sa'luk, who pushes Aladdin out of his way, and, at normal speed, reaches for the Hand of Midas. It falls into Sa'luk's right hand.]
Sa'luk: [last words] The Hand of Midas is mine! Ha-ha-ha-ha! And also, the life of your brat. [Cassim smirks] Hmm? [To Aladdin, who is looking at him in horror] What are you staring at? [He realizes what's happening as he grabbed the golden hand instead of the bronze handle] Ohh. No! No! NO! NO! AAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!! [He fatally turning into a golden statue. His petrified corpse falls into the water and hits the floor. Aladdin rips his shirt and hole shirt into the golden hand instead of the bronze handle, the hole shirt turned to gold]
Aladdin: [on the Hand of Midas] After all these years, you finally have your treasure.
Cassim: This thing? No. This wretched thing almost cost me the ultimate treasure. [hugs Aladdin] It's you, son. You are my ultimate treasure. I'm just sorry it took me this long to realize it. The Hand of Midas can take its curse to the bottom of the sea! [He throws the Hands of Midas into a boat, the golden hand instead of the bronze handle into the golden solid ship]
Behrang: It's gold. It's turned everything to solid gold.
Iago: Out in the open? No mask? Pretty risky, if you ask me.
Cassim: Even a wanted man can risk a bit to see his own son's wedding. So, you little turkey, come to say goodbye?
Iago: Nah, I already said my goodbyes. [tears up suddenly] Of course, the monkey had to cry, and that got me going... [lets out a sob as he thinks of having to leave Abu, once his enemy and now his dearest friend]
Cassim: You're not gonna live in the palace?
Iago: With the newlyweds? It'll be all lovey-dovey. [Cassim starts to ride his horse, but suddenly Iago arrives] I'd just as soon keep my will to live.
Cassim: Well, I don't know where I'm going, but you are welcome to come along for the ride.
Iago: You're a good guy, Cassim. But not too good.
[Iago laughing, horse neighing and Cassim rides away]
Peddler: [singing] So it goes,
Short and sweet
They were wed down the street
May their marriage be truly blessed
 
Happy end
To the tale
And tomorrow's a sale
So I'd better go home and rest!
 
Here's a kiss and a hug
Sure you don't need a rug?
I assure you, the price is right
 
Well, salaam,
Worthy friend
Come back soon, that's the end!
'Til another Arabian Night! [song fades]
Genie: Wait a minute. We're not getting outta here, man! We're not getting outta here! Don't ya understand it, man? This is it, game's over, man!

Cast

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