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Bill Allred

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Bill Allred is one of the three hosts on Salt Lake City's Radio From Hell show.

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  • Don't you know who I am?
    • Daily Sign-off
  • You had your thumb up your butt and your mind was in Arizona
  • What do you mean I can’t sleep with this hooker in the basement?
  • If it had been a pain in the ass, you wouldn’t be pregnant now.
  • I've had other kinds of spurts, but 'growth' was not one of them.
  • Tell me that Billy Joe Armstrong doesn’t look like a fruit.
  • This baby will be born with a drinking problem.
  • They might have been all up in your pregnancy!
  • We used to make condoms out of snow tires.
  • You dumb bitch! I have scissors for hands!
  • Radio From Hell: A great alternative to toilet paper.
  • I am filled to the brim with the goodness of me.
  • We'll have peanut butter crackers and juice and use the bidet!
  • They're from the guy who snipped my nuts.
  • Being in love means never having to say 'giddy-up.'
  • I've got a powerful thirst for some of that lactation.
  • I don't believe the government has a knobby.
  • It's not easy being a bivalve in today's modern world.
  • A rich compost of turkey manure and wood shavings.
  • Honey? Traffic's kinda busy and you're naked. Honey!?
  • You can't trust midgets, particularly gay-loving midgets.
  • You know who Carrot-Top should be married to in a movie? Gallagher.
  • Jesus is a place-kicker and he's gonna kick you through the goal-posts of life.
  • There is no way you could sit down more than you do.
  • What do you mean you washed my three-piece hemp suit in the laundry?
  • Don't look at me weird. I'm sandwich crazy.
  • I'm telling you, back in those Wendover days, it wasn't that hard to get it out of me.
  • It's only due to modern technology that you can be as pleasingly plump as you are.
  • Since my mother shaved her Hitler mustache, we look nothing alike.
  • Nothing will wilt spinach like an Egyptian fart.
  • Let's go stomp those weirdies for Jesus!
    • X96 Big-Ass Show 2006
  • Wouldn't you like a nose like his full of quarters?
  • I'm not a bottom poker and I never have been.
  • There isn't anything on you, body or brain, that thinks.
  • Apparently they have The Clap at The Planetarium.
  • I always thought Steve Guttenberg had crabs.
  • I saw a picture of Lou Reed and David Bowie standing together and it looked like an AD for jerky.
  • Her and her colostomy bag look forward to spending the holidays together.
  • Don't you know who I am!? I'm Chetwar Balabafoo!
  • I'm telling you, some of them gizzards are good!
  • I always say, "Don't let your meat loaf."
  • You know, that's the first time I've ever been able to smell a website.
  • You're a quirky doctor aren't you? Good, because I have a sore quirky.
  • Hey, would you like a date? I have a hammer!?
  • If I'm gonna poke something into it, it's not going to be my finger.
  • She was no breath freshener, I can tell you that right now.
  • I'm gonna have to scrape off my Dick Trickle sticker.
  • You clutched my personal hair and ripped it out by the roots.
  • I used to wear food briefs. They were crumby.
  • I like cock.
    • Radio From Hell (May 21, 2007) - Referring to the terminology for a male chicken
  • Hey, Dad, I'm going to reassemble this magpie carcass.
  • I'm telling you, if there were balls to be held, I held them.
  • I could do that if they were on my butt-cheeks.
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