Bones (season 1)

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Bones (2005–2017) is a crime drama television series on the FOX Network, inspired by real-life forensic anthropologist and novelist, Kathy Reichs. Forensic anthropologist Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan specializes in reading clues left behind in a victim's bones. Consequently, law enforcement calls her in to assist with murder investigations when the remains are so badly decomposed, burned, or destroyed that the standard identification methods are useless.

Pilot [1.01]

Brennan: Full participation in the case.

Booth: Fine.

Brennan: Not just lab work. Everything.

Booth: What? You want me to spit in my hand? We're Scully and Mulder.

Brennan: I don't know what that means.

[Booth and Brennan are arguing about the case after questioning the victim's parents.]

Booth: Which they won't read because they don’t want to, especially because towards the end Cleo and her parents weren't even speaking.

Brennan: They told you that?

Booth: You know, getting information out of live people is a lot different then getting information out of a pile of bones. You have to offer up something of yourself first.

Brennan: What exactly did you do in the military?

Booth: You see. You see what you did right there Bones? You asked a personal question without offering anything personal in return and since I'm not a skeleton, you get zilch. Sorry.

Zack: Right away Dr. Brennan.

Booth: He's got no sense of discretion that kid, typical squint.

Brennan: I don't know what that means.

Booth: Well when the cops get stuck we bring in people like you. You know, squints, you know to squint at things.

Brennan: Oh you mean people with very high IQs and basic reasoning skills.

Booth: Yeah.

Brennan: What if Booth's right? What if I'm only good with bones and lousy with people?

Angela: People like you.

Brennan: I don't care if men like me.

Angela: Okay, interesting leap from "people" to "men," but I'm sure it means nothing.

Brennan: I hate psychology. My most meaningful relationships are with dead people.

Booth: Thought I’d find you here. You know, you being a good shot and doing martial arts, it’s all your way of dealing. Who knows better than you how fragile life can be?

Brennan: Maybe an Army Ranger sniper who became an FBI homicide investigator?

Booth: Ah, you looked me up, huh.

The Man in the S.U.V. [1.02]

Booth: We're dealing with someone here who devalues an entire culture: terrorizing people by using God to justify mass murder.

Brennan: You're making it personal. That doesn't help.

Booth: It is personal, Bones. All of us die a little bit on one like this.

Booth: Okay, what is so funny?

Brennan: I just never figured you being in a relationship.

Booth: Why? Do you think something's wrong with me?

Brennan: Not wrong. You just have alpha male attributes usually associated with a solitary existence.

Booth: What, me? You're solitary.

Brennan: No, no, I'm private, it's different and we weren't talking about me.

Angela: [about Brennan] Please, she's been sleeping alone for months! She has enough pent-up sexual energy to power a small Midwestern city.

Hodgins: [after Angela tells them she talked to Booth's girlfriend.] She's spying for you?

Brennan: No. No!

Zack: If you have nothing in common, it's difficult to sublimate intense sexual attraction. And we hear it's been a while.

Brennan: [glares at Zack] Okay, stop.

Angela: He is there for the taking, honey.

[Booth arrives]

Booth: Okay, I couldn't get his medical records.

[everyone stops and stares at Booth wordlessly]

Booth: What?

Brennan: [quickly] Nothing.

[Booth and Brennan are frantically scouring the convention center for the bomber]

Brennan: If you see him will you shoot?

Booth: Well, he might not have the bomb.

Brennan: You don't believe that.

Booth: I'm not taking out a target, Bones, unless I'm sure.

Brennan: Is that how you make it easier? Calling him a target?

Booth: [turns and glares at Brennan] You know, you picked a really odd time to have this conversation.

A Boy in a Tree [1.03]

Booth: Ah, you know, I'm glad we had that little chat about being nice to the locals.

Brennan: I don't like sheriffs. They are elected into office, which means their goal is being re-elected, not finding the truth.

Brennan: [after catching the head that fell from the tree] We're going to need an evidence bag.

Booth: Heads up!

[the rest of the body falls in front of Brennan]

Brennan: I am going to need a bigger bag.

Booth: I don't... I don't like people who think they're better than other people.

Brennan: Some people are better than other people.

Booth: Uh, you know what you said right there, that is so un-American. All men are created equal; either you believe that or you don't.

Brennan: Some people are smarter than others; there's no use being offended by the fact. What are we going to tell Nestor's parents?

Booth: We tell them that their son was found dead. "We're looking into it. Sorry for your loss," and we are.

Brennan: What?

Booth: Sorry for their loss. It's sad, try to remember that.

Brennan: Uh, I'm not a sociopath.

Booth: You're bad with people, okay. No use being offended by the fact.

Zack: I had sex with Naomi in Paleontology.

Angela: You mean, actually in Paleontology?

Zack: No, at her place. I thought it went great, but I could be wrong, because apparently what I think is wild and kinky is just basic. And since she never called me back, I'm wondering if it's because I lack imagination in the sack.

Angela: You know what, Zack? I’m thinking this is more of a guy-guy conversation.

Zack: Sometime when you're not busy, I wonder if I could ask you a few questions about sexual positions?

Booth: If you even try, I will take out my gun and shoot you between the eyes.

The Man in the Bear [1.04]

Goodman: It's time to live a little, Temperance. Connect with other people.

Brennan: Are you suggesting that I take this opportunity to have sex with Booth on a field trip?

Goodman: Good God! Where's Dr. Freud when you need him?

Goodman: [to Brennan] Come on, now, you have partially-digested, dismembered skeletal remains to examine. That should put a smile on your face.

Hodgins: All I am saying is, why cut somebody into pieces?

Zack: Pack'em up tighter; maybe, say, in a suitcase.

Hodgins: How did a bear open a suitcase?

Zach: I saw a documentary once where a bear got into a car and drove away.

Hodgins: That was not a documentary. It was a cartoon.

Angela: Did you work all night?

Hodgins: Yes, I shaved the truffle.

Angela: Is that anything like spanking the monkey?

Hodgins: I found boring dust.

Angela: Is there any other kind?

Hodgins: Boring dust is produced by beetles, which means the tree the truffle grew on was infested.

Zack: That's not going to impress Toni.

Hodgins: That's not why I did it. I did it to serve justice and capture a murderous cannibal.

Angela: That'll impress the hot courier.

Hodgins: I am back in the game.

[Angela and Dr. Goodman examine a Native-American stone wheel embedded with symbols.]

Goodman: This one is for spirit, the heart... this one for knowledge... and this is for courage.

Angela: So, we're looking for, maybe, a scarecrow, tin man, or a lion?

A Boy In a Bush [1.05]

Goodman: When I said you should think of this invitation as a summons, I understated it. It's a subpoena, a Grand Jury subpoena. Ignore it at your own peril.

Brennan: You're not going to fire us if we don't go.

Goodman: No, not fire you, but I can move your parking spots to Lot M. Enjoy the shuttle ride.

Zack: The shuttle smells like feet.

Zack: These are the smallest remains I've ever worked on.

Brennan: That's a valid observation, Zack, but it's not helpful to the investigation.

Zack: Sorry, Dr. Brennan.

Brennan: I was at Waco. Branch Davidian compound. I helped identify children who had been killed in the fire, seventeen of them.

Zack: So, you're saying I'll get used to it?

Brennan: No, I'm saying you will never get used to it. We're primates, social creatures. It's coded into our DNA to protect our young, even from each other.

Zack: So I'm always going to feel terrible?

Brennan: What helps me is to pull back emotionally. Just... put your heart in a box.

Zack: I am not good with metaphor, Dr. Brennan.

Brennan: Focus on the details.

Zack: Details, yeah. I can do that.

Brennan: I'm afraid Angela might quit.

Booth: I'm amazed she stuck it out this long.

Brennan: Why?

Booth: Well, because she's human. I'm sorry, Bones, it's just that, you know, Angela didn't get the same training the rest of you got on Planet Vulcan.

Brennan: Do you remember me, Sean?

Sean Cook: The museum lady, the one who's so smart.

Brennan: Yeah, I'm pretty smart.

Attorney: [sarcastically] And very modest.

Booth: Oh, believe me, she is being modest.

Zack: What do we talk about?

Goodman: Your work, of course.

Angela: Zack's work consists of removing flesh from corpses. Hodgins dissects bugs that have been eating people's eyeballs.

Hodgins: Leave me out of it, I am not going.

Goodman: And how do you see your job?

Angela: I draw death masks.

Goodman: Is that really how you see it?

Angela: Don't you?

Goodman: You are the best of us, Miss Montenegro! You discern humanity in the wreck of a ruined human body. You give victims back their faces. Their identities. You remind us all of why we're here in the first place, because we treasure human life.

[Angela absorbs this and, on the verge of tearing up, embraces Dr. Goodman]

Goodman: Oh for God's sake.

Brennan: What happened?

Zack: Apparently, all Angela needed was to hear her job description in a deep, African-American tone.

The Man in the Wall [1.06]

Angela: TGIF? You've heard of that?

Brennan: Yeah, it's some kind of acronym, but my inbox is full.

Angela: We know that's not true.

Brennan: There's a TV show that needs research, not that they listen.

Angela: We're going.

Brennan: I really should catalog that skull. It's in the museum's exhibit on the French Revolution.

Angela: Yeah, Pepé Le Pew is more important than booze and boys.

Brennan: I don't think that's his name.

Angela: We are so gonna tear it up tonight!

Brennan: That's slang, right?

Angela: Right.

Brennan: Do you ever go on vacation?

Zack: I take my vacation when you take your vacation.

Brennan: What do you do?

Zack: Go back home to Michigan, see the family. I have three brothers and four sisters.

Brennan: Do you enjoy that?

Zack: God, no. I made the mistake of telling them I work with corpses and skeletons. They think I'm a freak.

Brennan: Then why do you go?

Zack: It's my family... They love me.

Hall: I've been investigated for years. Why do you think they never got me on anything?

Booth: Because you're so smart?

Hall: Because Terrence Baskin is my past. I'm one hundred percent clean now. This is my life now. This and my record label, not crystal meth... not gang-banging.

Brennan: Yet much of the iconic quality of urban music lies in the perceived or actual rivalry between the principal artists.

Hall: Where did you find her?

Booth: Museum.

Booth: Randall Hall, he’s behind this. Randall Hall, okay? He killed these two people. We know it, he did it. We just can't touch him and there's no evidence linking him to the drugs, the cash or either body except for a couple of damn bone dimples.

Brennan: I'll keep looking at the remains, maybe find the evidence we need.

Booth: I can't let it stand.

Brennan: What?

Booth: You know what? I'm going to spread the pain. Okay, that's my new motto.

[Booth turns and leaves. Brennan chases behind him.]

Brennan: Wait, I can help spread pain. Wait!

A Man on Death Row [1.07]

[Booth and Brennan are in a conference room in the FBI building, sitting across from each other. Booth is filling out a form.]

Booth: Name?

Brennan: You know my name.

Booth: Bones, you are making an official request to the FBI to be allowed to carry a concealed weapon. I have to follow protocol.

Brennan: It's ridiculous.

Booth: Fine. Then we're done here. Do you want to get some coffee?

Brennan: My name is Dr. Temperance Brennan.

Booth: Reason for wanting a gun?

Brennan: To shoot people.

Booth: Not a good response.

Brennan: It's the truth.

Booth: You know, I'm writing 'Self defence in the performance of my duties pursuing suspected felons as contracted out to the FBI.'

Brennan: So I can shoot them.

Booth: [gives her a look but continues undeterred] Have you ever been charged with a felony?

Brennan: Charged or convicted?

Booth: Charged.

Brennan: You know I have.

Booth: I have to ask the questions.

Brennan: Bureaucratic nonsense.

Booth: Nevertheless, name of arresting officer.

Brennan: You. Special Agent Seeley Booth. Do you need me to spell that for you?

Booth: I think I can sound that out.

Brennan: So, when do I get the gun?

[Booth stamps the application form and shows it to her. It says DENIED]

Booth: You can't have a gun.

Brennan: Why not?

Booth: Because you were charged with a felony.

Brennan: Write down that you were wrong to charge me.

Booth: Oh, there is no space for that.

Booth: Bones, you don't need a gun. If anyone needs shooting, I'll do it.

Brennan: But what if you're injured or dead and someone still needs shooting? I'm not hoping it will happen, I'm just stating the possibility.

Booth: Come on, you know what, Bones? You're a professor, all right? You're not an FBI agent. Use your mutant powers...just talk people to death.

Amy: So, you seeing each other?

Brennan: Who?

Amy: You and Booth.

Brennan: No. No, we're working together.

Amy: Cause, I'm picking up a bit of a sex vibe.

Brennan: No, that's tension. [A little frustrated] He has a girlfriend.

Amy: Tall, blonde, beautiful?

Brennan: [nods] Lawyer.

Amy: Figures. Should've jumped him when I had the chance.

Brennan: You're really interested in Booth?

Amy: You aren't?

Brennan: No.

Amy: Well then why are you helping him?

Brennan: Because he asked me, he said please.

[After Brennan breaks Epps' wrist bone]

Brennan: Are you going to arrest me for assault?

Booth: From what I saw, purely self defense.

Brennan: Maybe I shouldn't carry a gun after all.

Booth: Hell, you can have mine.

Booth: You know, I'm sorry for wrecking your weekend for nothing.

Brennan: No, not for nothing.

Booth: Ah, you know what I mean. You know all that running around it didn't change anything. Epps was guilty, he was always guilty.

Brennan: There was doubt. We had an obligation to respect that doubt. We all share in the death of every human being.

Booth: Very poetic.

Brennan: No, very literal. We all share DNA. When I look at a bone it's not some artifact that I can separate from myself. It’s a part of a person who got here the same way I did. It should never be easy to take someone's life. I don’t care who it is. [Booth stares at her intently for a long while] What? What? What?

Booth: You know you've been practicing your Nobel prize speech just a little too much.

The Girl in the Fridge [1.08]

Zack: [excitedly] The Anthropology Journal is publishing our piece on the evolution of the Coronals suture.

Brennan: Worthy interruption.

[Zach offers his fist to Brennan, who looks confused.]

Zack: You're supposed to bump my fist with yours.

Brennan: Why?

Zack: I'm told it's a widely acknowledged gesture of mutual success. [puts his fist down defeatedly]

Angela: I love it when you two impersonate earthlings.

[Hodgins and Zack stare at Michael and size him up]

Hodgins: You were Brennan's professor?

Michael: She was 23, an adult.

Hodgins: [mocking] That's what Clinton said.

Zack: You run through a lot of students?

Michael: That was a long time ago and Tempe was very advanced...more colleague than student.

Zack: I'm a pretty advanced student.

Michael: No offense, but, um, I'm not interested.

[Michael is analyzing the skeleton while Zack videotapes him. Booth gives him and Hodgins a thumbs-up]

Angela: [amused] Did you just give Zack and Hodgins a sign of encouragement?

Booth: You know what, that's the first time I've been able to look at them without imagining knocking their heads together.

Goodman: [smiles] Agent Booth, you're accessing your inner squint.

Brennan: The jury likes Michael better than they like me, apparently that's a problem. Are they stupid? Because they seem to be.

Goodman: Compared to you, yes, they are stupid. However, compared to you most of the world is a little stupid. You have many skills Temperance, not one of them includes communicating with the average person on the street which is exactly what juries are made of.

Brennan: I'm a better forensic anthropologist than Michael Stiers.

Goodman: Which is why two years ago I hired you instead of him.

Brennan: Michael applied for this job?

Goodman: Yes.

Brennan: His credentials are better than mine.

Goodman: Yes, but you are the more rational, reasoned empirical scientist and you care and if he tries to convince you otherwise, tell him to go to hell.

Brennan: How I feel doesn't matter. My job doesn't depend on it.

Levitt: But it's informed by it. Are you as cold and unfeeling as you seem?

Brennan: I see a face on every skull. I can look at their bones and tell you how they walked, where they hurt. Maggie Schilling is real to me. The pain she suffered was real. Her hip was being eaten away by infection from lying on her side. Sure, like Dr. Stires said, the disease could contribute to that if you take it out of context; but you can’t break Maggie Schilling down into little pieces. She was a whole person who fought to free herself. Her wrists were broken from struggling against the handcuffs. The bones in her ankles were ground together because her feet were tied. And her side, her hip and her shoulder were being eaten away by infection. And the more she struggled, the more pain she was in. So they gave her those drugs to keep her quiet. They gave her so much it killed her. These facts can't be ignored or dismissed because you think I'm boring or obnoxious, because I don't matter. What I feel doesn't matter. Only she matters; only Maggie.

The Man in the Fallout Shelter [1.09]

Angela: Okay, you people listen to me. There is a party going on upstairs, okay? A Christmas party, we're going up there. We're going to talk to some people, we're going to sing some carols, we're going to drink some eggnog. [to Booth] You are going to kiss me under the mistletoe. On the lips. [to Zack and Hodgins] I might kiss you guys under the mistletoe too. [to Brennan] Maybe even you in a festive, non-lesbian manner. But we are going to that party.

Hodgins: You wanna know the true meaning of Christmas? It's being inside a 300-year-old inn with a French Canadian masseuse when there's ten feet of snow outside.

Zack: Christmas is going home to Michigan and heading into the woods with your brothers to cut a twelve-foot Christmas tree and you all decorate it together. Brothers, sisters, nieces, nephews, forty people who all love you and are happy to see you. That, my friend, is the true meaning of Christmas.

Booth: You don't seem too upset about missing Christmas.

Brennan: Indications are that Christ, if he existed, was born in late spring, and the celebration of his birth was shifted to coincide with the pagan rite of the winter solstice so that early Christians weren't persecuted.

Booth: What are you, like, the Christmas killer?

Brennan: It's the truth.

Booth: No, it sounds like the truth because it's so rational, right? But the... you know, the true truth is you hate Christmas, so you just spout out all these facts and you ruin it for everyone else.

Brennan: I ruin the true truth with facts?

[Goodman, Angela, Zack, Hodgins, and Booth discussing how to set up a Secret Santa]

Zack: I could build a random generator.

Goodman: Wouldn't it be best to match complementary people in a premeditated manner?

Hodgins: I've got five numbers in my head, and five letters. You tell me the number, I tell you the matching letter.

Goodman: Are the letters sequential or the numbers sequential?

Hodgins: Sequential. We'll go in order from youngest to oldest.

Zack: Six.

Hodgins: There is no six!

Goodman: A through E and 1 through 5?

Zack: Six!

Booth: [holding out a jar with names in it] Okay, just...pick a name, if you get your own, put it back.

Goodman: Oh. That could work.

Brennan: Anthropologically speaking, gifts are a way of asserting dominance in a group. Now imagine an entire holiday devoted to self-promotion, especially in this materialistic culture. How can you expect me to get behind that? How can you get behind that?

Booth: Wow, that's... that's deep. It's a very deep pile of crap.

Brennan: You came to me with information this morning, a peace offering. But it was to make you feel better, not me. Proves my point.

The Woman at the Airport [1.10]

Brennan: I can't go to Los Angeles. I have an Iron Age warrior to authenticate.

Booth: Iron Age warrior? When was the Iron Age?

Brennan: Fifteen hundred years ago.

Booth: Fresh body bits; just a little bit more urgent.

Brennan: You do realize there are a lot more fresh bodies than there are perfect specimens from the Iron Age?

Booth: You know, when you say things like that, it's just to bug me, right?

Goodman: His bones bear the marks of battle. His weapons are of good quality, well-used. He's old for a warrior, yet how did he die, Mr. Addy?

Zack: Looks like tuberculosis.

Goodman: A proud man. Not the ending he would have wanted. Yet he was surrounded by family and friends. A good death.

Hodgins: Oh, please. Now you're describing a scene from Lord of the Rings.

Zack: What's with Goodman and Hodgins?

Angela: [sighs] They're guys, they should just lay 'em out on the table and measure.

Zack: Lay what out on the table and measure?

Angela: Okay, awkward moment. Let's just say they have different approaches and they're guys.

Zack: I'm a guy.

Angela: You're...more highly evolved.

Angela: Do the names Michael Jackson or Joan Rivers mean anything to you?

Zack: One of them, the other I'll look up.

Brennan: You're ordering a prostitute from my cell phone?!

Booth: I'm wondering if Rachel ever took part in one of those two-on-one specials?

Hodgins: Hey! The old two-on-one special! Classic!

Zack: What's a classic?

Booth: That's great. Just send me whoever she worked with the most.

Brennan: You're ordering a hooker to my hotel?!

Zack: Did I hear you say hooker?

Hodgins: Hey, how come I never get to go on these out of town trips?

Booth: Because you have much looser daily allowances than I do.

Brennan: Well, have fun.

Brennan: She thought she was ugly. She did everything she could to make herself beautiful, and all she did was make herself more invisible.

Booth: Everybody in this city thinks they're ugly, and nobody is. I'm starting to get why you hate anonymous death so much.

Brennan: We were born unique, our experiences mold and change us, we become someone, all of us, and to have that taken away by murder, to be erased from existence against our will it's just...

Booth: Evil.

Brennan: Unacceptable. These bones you bring me, I give them a face, I say their names out loud, I return them to their loved ones and you arrest the bad guy. I like that.

Finn: Agent Booth, can I have a moment, please? Um, have I done something to offend you?

Booth: Look, I'm not really into this whole "West Coast In Touch With Your Feelings" thing, okay? So...

Finn: Yeah. Um, I'm really good at my job, and I've been nothing but cooperative and helpful to you, but you just freeze me out.

Booth: Mmm-hmm.

Finn: And I know you have nothing against working with women because you're partners with Dr. Brennan, so your problem must be with me.

Booth: Look, I don't have anything against you, Agent Finn. I just don't like the way you view the FBI.

Finn: What do you mean?

Booth: This is a proud and noble job but you're using it to get to something else. My advice? Write your script, get an agent, hell, have a little plastic surgery! But quit using my Federal Bureau of Investigation as a stepping stone into something that you think is better. Because in my book, there is nothing better.

The Woman in the Car [1.11]

Booth: FBI!

Suspect: US Marshals!

Booth: US Marshals?

Brennan: Forensic anthropologist! That's why no gun.

Pickering: What I need to do here is to establish that you are not a threat to the security of this country.

Zack: I'm getting a degree in Forensic Anthropology; I'm halfway through another in Engineering. What are you afraid I will do? Build a race of criminal robots that will destroy the earth?

Pickering: Do you have that kind of fantasy often?

Zack: Very often.

Pickering: Does it concern you that such adolescent thoughts are a sign of emotional retardation?

Zack: I've been told I'm working on it.

Pickering: Can you understand why that concerns us?

Zack: Not really.

Brennan: [disgusted] Who does this? Cuts a finger off an eight-year-old boy?

Booth: Mercenaries, professionals. They don't feel a thing.

Brennan: I feel things, Booth.

Booth: Never said you didn't, Bones.

Brennan: I'm a "professional", too. I do better work if I only see the finger and not the child. It doesn't mean I'm like them.

Booth: Look, I know that, Bones, but what I also know is that they made a big mistake sending us that finger.

Brennan: Why? Because it made you mad?

Booth: No. Because you're gonna use it to catch them. So, you gather up your squint squad. Let's get to work.

Booth: [discussing the evidence with Zack and Hodgins] Asbestos from brake-pads, leaded gasoline, mechanic bench you know ...plus the mother was electrocuted by current from a generator. We're looking for an abandoned gas station or mechanic shop off the grid. Now, you guys are geniuses! [walks away]

Zack: How do we find that?

Booth: Work for the FBI, you idiot.

Hodgins: Way to go, Zack. We went from geniuses to idiots in three seconds.

Pickering: Can you tell me what you were doing in Cuba?

Brennan: Only if you tell me first.

Pickering: I beg your pardon?

Brennan: I don't know your security clearance.

Pickering: Well, what is your security clearance?

Brennan: You should check with the State Department.

Pickering: I'm from the State Department.

Brennan: Then that should make it easy for you.

Pickering: When you were in Cuba, did you meet with a man [consults notebook] named Juan Guzman?

Brennan: [holds up finger, dials a number from memory] Hello, it's Dr. Brennan from the Jeffersonian; you told me to call you if anyone ever asked about you know...him. [In response to question] Someone from the State Department, named Samantha Pickering. [she hands the phone to Pickering]

Pickering: [picks up phone, annoyed] Pickering. Yes Sir, yes, I'll wait here. [hands the phone back to Brennan to hang up, looks shocked]

Brennan: Any more questions?

Pickering: No. Uh, no, in fact the entire review is suspended. I'm to wait here until someone comes to destroy my notes.

The Superhero in the Alley [1.12]

Booth: No, you don't have to solve the whole case just tell me if I'm looking at a murder, maybe, you know, pull a quick I.D.?

Brennan: Don't use your charm smile on me.

Booth: What? It's a mark of respect. That's all.

[Booth and Brennan enter into the driveway of the victim's house.]

Brennan: It looks like every other house in the neighborhood.

Booth: Every family has it's secrets, Bones.

[Booth and Brennan are looking through the room of a teenage murder victim.]

Booth: Unbelievable. [sighs and goes over to pick up some comic books] This is quite the collection of comic books.

Brennan: Hodgins said that the cellulose mass was a graphic novel. He sent it to Angela for analysis and recovery.

Booth: Sweet.

Brennan: Sweet?

Booth: Ah, he has Batman #127, featuring The Hammer of Thor. This is worth about three hundred bucks.

Brennan: Booth, are you a nerd?

Booth: First of all, you mean geek. And no, I'm not, okay? It's quite normal for an American male to read comic books.

Brennan: I find it hard to believe you have anything in common with Warren Granger.

Booth: Oh, you mean isolated, with an inner secret life? No, okay. I'd say you were more like Warren.

Goodman: All writers reveal more of themselves than they intend on every page.

Booth: You know, I've gotta tell you, I never bought all that English 101 stuff. Sometimes a river is just a river.

Brennan: [to Goodman] With all due respect, my writing, for example, is pure fiction.

Goodman: Dr. Brennan, I fear you reveal much more of your worldview in your writing than you realize.

Brennan: Such as?

Goodman: Such as, archaeologists make good administrators because they enjoy tedium.

Angela: Such as, artists are doomed to a life of loneliness because they are unable to think beyond instant gratification.

Booth: Such as, you know, FBI guys are hot and Angela here wants to have sex with me.

Angela: Yeah.

Brennan: You said before that Warren reminded you of me. You think I'm just like him, that he hid from life by immersing himself in a fantasy world where he fought crime. And I do the same thing, only I don't have superpowers. I... I have science.

Booth: No, Bones you do fight crime. It's not a fantasy, as far as any normal person is concerned, you do have superpowers.

Brennan: You're just saying that to me.

Booth: No, I don't do that.

Brennan: Yes, you do. You lied to Warren Granger's mother to make her feel better. That seems to be your superpower.

Booth: Well, in your book, your partner's a former Olympic boxer who graduated from Harvard and spoke six different languages. In real life, you got me.

Brennan: So what you're saying is that reality falls far, far short of the fictional.

Booth: Yeah. Thanks a lot, Bones.

The Woman in the Garden [1.13]

Brennan: I read a book about improving work relationships. It's not fair to expect you to tell me everything.

Booth: I appreciate the effort, Bones.

Hodgins: Typically, gravediggers are necrophiliacs looking for a little action.

Angela: Umm... ew.

Hodgins: [after Booth tells him to "suit up", excitedly] Field work. Cool! Do I get a gun?

Brennan: [to Booth] You can't arm Hodgins and not me.

Booth: [annoyed] What is it with you people and guns, huh?

Hodgins: And here's the kicker. There was also evidence of genetic material from a Franklinia alatamaha on his shoe.

Booth: You're kidding! I'm in shock...Frankie Alabama? You don't say.

Brennan: Did you hear what I said about sarcasm?

Hodgins: It's a rare flowering plant that hasn't been seen in the wild since 1800. The only known specimen in this area, outside of a specialized botanical garden, was given to Senator Alan Corman as a gift. Oh, I love going after senators...

Booth: Whoa, just, you know, simmer down there, Hodgins, we're gonna check out the botanical garden first.

Hodgins: [shrugs] Fine. It's at the White House.

[Brennan and Hodgins laugh and high five]

Booth: Okay, you guys should do that even less than normal people.

Booth: You put a hit out on my partner?

Ortez: She's not FBI.

Booth: [punches him in the face, grabs him and points his gun right at his throat] I never said anything about FBI. She's my partner, see. And if anything happens to her, I will find you and I will kill you. I won't think twice. Come here, look in my eyes. [pushes barrel of the gun into his mouth and cocks it] Look at my face. If anything happens to her, I will kill you. This is between you and me, and nobody sees, nobody knows.

The Man in the Fairway [1.14]

Brennan: Zack, this is the third time in a row we've investigated without Booth.

Zack: I don't like it.

Brennan: Why? He mostly ignores you.

Zack: Ignoring me is Booth's way of acknowledging my presence. It's a guy thing.

Booth: FBI doesn't have jurisdiction on a golf course.

Brennan: Well who does?

Booth: I don't know, try the PGA. Uh-huh, you know, you've done a couple of cases without me and you miss me.

Brennan: Zack misses you, not me.

Booth: Zack and I don't even talk!

Brennan: He seems to think it's a male bonding ritual.

Booth: Maybe he's right.

Brennan: No it's not.

Booth: Could be.

Brennan: [smirks] You told him that so you wouldn't have to talk to him!

Booth: Well, it was nicer than shooting him!

Brennan: I suggest we try to match this reconstruction with escort ads, both internet and print in the D.C. area.

Zack: Oh, I'll do that!! [pause] Was that overly enthusiastic?

Brennan: Assume the victim was frozen solid when he was fed into the chipper.

Zack: No way!

Booth: [to Brennan] The correct response would be "yes way."

Brennan: Oh. [to Zack] Yes way.

Angela: What's goin' on? Why's every guy from the Jeffersonian here?

Hodgins: They're scientists. This is a fascinating scientific inquiry.

Angela: Oh my god. They're all out here because your going to feed something through this wood chipper.

Hodgins: Not just something. [pulls sheet off of table] Ta da! Frozen pig!

Angela: Uhh...

Zack: The morphology of pig bones is almost identical to human bone.

Hodgins: By feeding the pig through the wood chipper we'll be able to determine a dispersal pattern of the fragments.

Zack: By comparing the pulverized pigs remains to the fragments we found at the golf course we'll be able to tell if this is the actual wood chipper the victim was fed through.

Angela: Liars! You just want to see what happens when you toss some frozen pig into a wood chipper.

Two Bodies in the Lab [1.15]

Hodgins: [about the victim who is supposedly a mobster] Should we really be involved in mob stuff? I mean, they're really into the whole killing thing.

Brennan: I have trekked through Tibet, avoiding the Chinese army. I think I can handle meeting someone for dinner.

Booth: Fine, you know what? You have fun with Dick431 or whatever his handle is.

Brennan: Yeah! I will!

Booth: Good!

Brennan: Thanks!

Booth: Fine!

Brennan: Good!

Booth: Did they gather all the evidence from the explosion?

Brennan: Yes.

Booth: You're sure?

Brennan: Yes. Booth, I was there. They were very thorough and I was very annoying.

[In the hospital]

Booth: I don't even know if I have to stay here.

Brennan: You got blown up.

Booth: Pshaw. I've been worse.

Brennan: You have burns, lacerations, two broken ribs, greenstick fracture of the clavicle...

Booth: Okay...I got blown up. [reaches for pudding on table] Can you...can you hand me one of the puddings?

Angela: Let's talk revenge, bloodlust.

Brennan: The cathartic release we are looking for can only be achieved when we successfully gather enough evidence to neutralize the person or persons responsible for putting Booth in the hospital.

Zack: Neutralize can mean either kill or arrest?

Brennan: Yes, it can mean either.

The Woman in the Tunnel [1.16]

Brennan: Maybe you could try the "hey we're brothers-in-arms" thing on him.

Booth: OK, that, what you just said right there, Bones, that was cynical. All right? That was glib and cynical.

Brennan: Really?

Booth: [seriously] Yes. Really. I know what that guy has been through.

Brennan: You killed a pregnant woman who's holding a child? [looks intently at Booth]

Booth: [pauses] Look, if you really want to know what I've done, I'll tell you. But you better be ready for the truth.

[Brennan says nothing]

Booth: Good choice, Bones.

Helen: Harold said he was afraid of me?

Booth: Said he was afraid of a blonde.

Helen: How do you know it wasn't Charlize Theron?

Brennan: Who's that?

Booth: It's an actress. She's being sarcastic.

[...]

Booth: You know, you amaze me. You know Treasure of the Sierra Madre but you don't know Charlize Theron. [looks at Brennan, half-jokingly] You know who you are? You're my grandmother.

Goodman: If you don't mind some conjecture. [looks around to Brennan]

Brennan: You're the boss.

Goodman: This fellow knew that something of value was being stolen.

Hodgins: [cuts in] Came down with an accomplice. [Brennan looks at him] I apologize. I've been hanging around Booth way too much.

Brennan: It's a valid hypothesis. No doubt one of many.

Zack: They argue, one killed the other for the treasure. Doesn't that mean the vault will be empty when we find it?

[Hodgins looks up at Zack in astonishment]

Zack: [mutters to himself] Oh my god, they got me too.

Brennan: You're nervous.

Angela: I'm not nervous. I'm scared. I don't know how to talk to crazy people unless I'm dating them.

Booth: Kyle hit the Duke with the candlestick in the crypt.

Goodman: That's very good! Very good. [laughs]

Booth: Right. [laughs]

Brennan: What? What's the joke?

Booth: Clue?

Brennan: What clue? [Booth and Goodman laugh] What clue?

Booth: Unbelievable, Bones.

Angela: What's funny?

Brennan: I have no idea.

The Skull in the Desert [1.17]

Brennan: [on the phone to Booth] It took all of my charm—

Booth: All of your charm? Oh boy.

Brennan: Just to get the sheriff to let me look at the skull. When I asked him to let me send the skull to the Jeffersonian, he told me I am not a cop and I don't have any jurisdiction.

Booth: Which is true. Okay, look, what do you want me to do?

Brennan: I want you to get federal on his ass.

Booth: [smiles] Oh!

Brennan: Wait outside while I get dressed.

Booth: No. Unh-uh. The sun's been up for an hour out there. It's already the surface of Mercury. I can stand here, and close my eyes, eat my doughnuts. Best I can do, okay?

[Booth, Brennan and Angela are stranded in the desert after the sheriff goes to look for his sister.]

Booth: Either of you two bring any water? [The girls show him their small water bottles.]

Brennan: Why? You worried?

Angela: About what?

Brennan: Because we are way past where Jesus lost his sandals.

Brennan: Because nothing in this universe happens just once, Angela, nothing. Infinity goes in both directions, there is no unique event, no singular moment.

Brennan: Obviously, you subconsciously sifted through the rational facts of the case and processed the most likely scenario.

Angela: I'm sure that's it.

Booth: Yeah, what else could it be?

Angela: Well it's the only rational explanation.

Brennan: Are you guys making fun of me?

The Man with the Bone [1.18]

Brennan: Why does the FBI always stick their morgues in the most depressing basement they can find?

Booth: Don't be such a snob, Bones, okay? Not everyone gets to play in a multi-million dollar lab, you know... with skylights.

Brennan: It's because as a society we feel the need to hide death away. The people who deal with the dead are viewed as freaks.

[Booth and Brennan are trying to get everyone's attention]

Brennan: F.B.I! You're all under arrest!

[All the workers stop what they're doing and look at her]

Booth: Come on, Bones, you don't get to say that. I'm the one with the badge.

Brennan: [to Dr. Goodman] Bones don't just disappear. I thought this was a secure facility, you assured me this was a secure facility. I could be working at Stanford, you know? This never would've happened at Stanford!

Goodman: We spend three-quarters of a million dollars annually on security!

Brennan: Obviously that's not enough. [Booth comes in] I want my bones! Did you find my bones?

Booth: Ooh, maybe you just want to, you know, chill a little?

Brennan: Chill?

Booth: Yeah. You know, take a pill?

Brennan: Listen, dude, my lab was violated, my bones were stolen, so I think I'll remain warm for a little while longer.

Angela: Honey, maybe you should focus on your breathing.

Booth: Breathing.

Angela: Count to ten.

Booth: Count to ten.

Angela: Have a shot of Jack.

Booth: Shot of Jack.

Security Guard: I didn't see the harm.

Brennan: In stealing human remains?

Security Guard: After 300 years, it's not like he's got a family grieving for him out there.

Goodman: Think of me as a grieving parent.

Booth: Grand theft, buddy. You're looking at eight years.

Goodman: If I don't kill you.

[Booth and Brennan arrive at a shaft to confront a suspect, who is unaware that they are nearby.]

Booth: Guy was a Navy SEAL.

Brennan: So? You were a Guide.

Booth: A Ranger. I was a Ranger, Bones, ok? I was not a Guide. Guides, they show you waterfalls, they sell you cookies. Was a Ranger.

Brennan: What's he doing at the shaft?

[Brennan goes towards the suspect, Booth holds her back]

Brennan: Are Rangers afraid of SEALs?

Booth: What? C'mon Bones. No, Rangers aren't afraid of anybody. SEALs are pretty good though.

The Man in the Morgue [1.19]

Sam: It's a mojo, this one is meant to silence the dead so they can't speak.

Booth: Well usually dead people are pretty much silent on their own.

Booth: Voodoo... [laughs] Who's gonna believe that stuff?

Brennan: It's a religion, no crazier than... well, what are you?

Booth: Catholic.

Brennan: They believe in the same saints you do. And prayer. What they call spells, you call miracles. They have priests.

Booth: We don't make zombies.

Brennan: Jesus rose from the dead after three days. [Answers phone] Brennan.

Booth: Jesus is not a zombie, right?! I shouldn't even have to tell you that.

Detective Harding: [to Booth] You found a prosecutor to defend her? Interesting tactic.

Brennan: I've told Detective Harding everything I know so far-

Caroline: She's a fool!? [to Booth] You didn't tell me she's a fool!

Booth: No, she's a a brilliant forensic anthropologist.

Brennan: Wa..I have three degrees. I-I've pioneered research in-

Caroline: What's that? [pointing to the evidence]

Brennan: A gris-gris bag, I found it in my hotel- [tries to hold evidence but Detective Harding took it away] -room. I'm assuming the person who left it there was trying to frame me, so the tooth is..probably Graham's.

Caroline: Three degrees and still a fool!

Brennan: Why are you nice to me?

Booth: Because. Because they think they get away with it.

Brennan: What?

Booth: They burn their victim, they blow him up, they toss him in the ocean, they bury him in the desert, they throw 'em to wood chippers. Sometimes, you know, years go by. They relax. Then they start living their lives like they didn't do anything wrong. Like they didn't spend somebody else's life in order to get what they got. They think they're safe from retribution. You make those bastards unsafe. That's why I'm nice to you.

Brennan: I couldn't do that without you, Booth.

Booth: Yeah. So, um, you should be a little nicer to me, huh?

Brennan: I really should.

Angela: You know what? This whole state of affairs where Brennan runs around fighting crime, it's stupid. It's nuts. Don't you agree?

[...]

Angela: What is going on with her?

Hodgins: Angela, she started to change the day she met you.

Angela: What???

Hodgins: She sees how you do it. All fun and involvement and pizzazz. Big, ya know? Big life. Booth came along and gave her the opportunity but she got the idea from you. Brennan wants a big life like yours.

The Graft in the Girl [1.20]

Booth: About a month ago, his daughter, Amy, was diagnosed with cancer. Meso––

Brennan: Mesothelioma. Lung cancer.

Booth: Exactly. So she is not doing so well, so it's a lot easier for us to come to him right now.

Brennan: Huh.

Booth: Huh what?

Brennan: Nothing, it's just...that's an extremely rare form of lung cancer, odd for someone Amy's age to contract—

Booth: No, no no no, no probing, 'kay? Not to Cullen, not to his family. This will take five minutes, we go in there, we do the show and tell, we leave him with the case, and then we're outta there. Is that clear?

Brennan: I just think it's peculiar––

Booth: No.

Brennan: But I––

Booth: No!

Brennan: You have to admit––

Cullen: [before Booth can answer Brennan] Booth! Dr. Brennan. [walks up to them] How appropriate. You two bickering in an adolescent wing.

Brennan: Doctor, you performed Amy Cullen's graft, correct?

Dr. Ralston: Yes but I just do the procedure, Miss Brennan.

Booth: Dr. Brennan.

Dr. Ralson: MD?

Brennan: PhD.

Dr. Ralston: [smiles] Well, those who can't do do research. [Booth is about to confront him but Brennan holds him back]

Booth: How do you listen to this all day?

Brennan: I find intelligence soothing.

Booth: She hated the guy, my guess is she got 10 G's stuffed in her mattress back in Trailerville.

Booth: So, is it him?

Brennan: It's him. But here's the kickster—

Booth: Kicker, Bones. Here's the kicker.

Brennan: Oh.

The Soldier on the Grave [1.21]

Booth: Never get used to the magnitude of this place, what it's taken to keep this country free.

Brennan: All societies build monuments to their dead, to convince future combatants that it's an honor to die in battle.

Hodgins: [about the War in Iraq] Are you defending what's going on over there?

Angela: No, mistakes were made, obviously.

Hodgins: Yeah! Like establishing military bases over there instead of investing a fraction of what this war costs into alternative energy projects.

Angela: Nothing is that simple.

Hodgins: To me it is! We are ruled by the corporate oligarchy, face it.

[...]

Angela: You want to make the world a better place, Jack? Try shutting your yap long enough to hear something other than the sound of your own voice.

Angela: How's Booth doing?

Brennan: He's angry, I think I said some things.

Angela: Sweetie.

Brennan: He wasn't being objective, I just had to get him to focus.

Angela: You have to think before you speak.

Brennan: Why? I can say anything to you without thinking about it first.

Angela: Yeah, men aren't like us. They're much more fragile and needy. The fact that they think we're the needy ones is a testament to our superiority.

Brennan: [smiles resignedly] Yeah, I guess I forgot.

Brennan: This is hard for Booth, he's idealistic.

Angela: Well, it's nice to somebody who wants to keep honor and responsibility alive.

Brennan: But I feel like Booth thinks I'm taking that away from him.

[...]

Angela: You're just doing your job, he knows that.

Brennan: I guess. [...] Tell Booth we're on the same side, I'm not the one who's disillusioning him, it's my findings, but when I look at him, I–– [sighs] I don't know what else I can do.

Angela: I do.

Brennan: [scoffs] Ange.

Angela: As a friend, Brennan.

Brennan: Yeah, the whole "friends with benefits" thing. [shakes head] That's...that's not happening.

Angela: I'm not talking about that, I'm talking about being there for him. Knowing when a simple touch is enough.

Brennan: Maybe I could write him a note....I could be very articulate on paper.

Booth: People always surprise you.

Brennan: That hasn't always been my experience.

[Silence]

Booth: I've done some things.

Brennan: I know.

Booth: No, you don't.

Brennan: [earnestly] But it's OK.

Booth: [hesitantly] Not...not that it's a secret. It's not. I have to be, uh, honest...about myself. I...I have to be able to tell someone.

Brennan: You will in time, Booth. [pauses] You will.

Booth: It's never just the one person who dies, Bones, never. We all die a little bit, Bones. With each shot we all die a little bit.

The Woman in Limbo [1.22]

Booth: You licensed for this job?

Russ: You're a cop?

Booth: You know who would recognize a cop?

Russ: Other cops?

Booth: And crooks.

Russ: I call every year... on your birthday, you never pick up.

Brennan: Take a hint.

Angela: Hate is a lot easier to deal with than love, especially disappointed love.

Booth: McVicker likes to bash in people's heads, maybe we'll get lucky and match the weapon he used on your mother.

Brennan: It's unlikely.

Booth: In that case, we'll still ruin his day.

[Booth leaves]

Russ: Tempy, that theory explains why Mom never came back for you during those one and a half years before she died.

Brennan: What's your excuse, Russ?

Russ: You're the one that left me! You needed someone to blame and you chose me.

Brennan: I was fifteen years old!

Russ: I was nineteen. My parents were gone, my sister hated my guts, everyone's telling me that she'd be better off in foster care.

Brennan: You didn't even ask me!

Russ: I tried, Temperance, you wouldn't talk to me, you still wouldn't be talking to me if Mom's bones didn't show up. And I kept trying, every year every year on your birthday. You're the one that gave up. You turned your back on me and you made yourself a new family.

Booth: [making a toast] To us.

Russ: Whoever the hell we are.

Brennan: To what we're becoming.