Boy Meets World (season 5)
Boy Meets World (1993–2000) was a television sitcom in which Cory Matthews (Ben Savage) experiences all the twists and turns of life along with his teacher, Mr. Feeny (William Daniels); his brother, Eric (Will Friedle); his best friend, Shawn (Rider Strong); and his girlfriend, Topanga (Danielle Fishel).
Brothers [5.1]
[edit]- Cory: [referring to candles] Oh, those are for Topanga. Those set the mood.
- Shawn: Kinda looks like a church in here.
- Cory: You're ruining the mood!
- Topanga: You have a picture of your brother in your wallet?
- Cory: Yeah, why?
- Topanga: Oh, nothing. I just think it's sweet. I'm in there too, right?
- Cory: You will be.
Boy Meets Real World [5.2]
[edit]- Feeny: An excellent start on your documentary, Mr. Matthews.
- Cory: What?
- Feeny: Yes, excellent. I said excellent, and I was talking about something you did. I don't know what came over me.
- Shawn: You have five minutes of me in the shower. You can't use that!
- Cory: It's for the European version. If I don't get into NYU, my next choice is Sweden YU.
It's Not You... It's Me [5.3]
[edit]- Shawn: Look, Mr. Feeny. Let's not waste anyone's time. Cory and I, we broke up.
- Cory: It should've happened sooner!
- Shawn: But we stayed together for the kids...
- [Feeny looks puzzled]
- Cory: ...in the class.
- Feeny: [holding an open book] And that, Mr. Hunter, is how babies are made.
- Shawn: I still don't believe him.
- Eric: You don't get it. We're in college now. We're being judged on a whole new level. Theories and footnotes, shades of meaning, nuance, spelling, where does it end? WHERE DOES IT END?
Fraternity Row [5.4]
[edit]- [Jack gets off the elevator in a red dress, high heels and a matching kerchief]
- Jack: I don't want to talk about it, okay?
- Eric: Yeah, well, I do! You took that out of my closet!
- Professor Michaels: Free will. Wanna take a shot?
- Shawn: Do I really have a choice?
- Professor Michaels: Ooh, gotta take five.
The Witches of Pennbrook [5.5]
[edit]- Jack: I'm just uncomfortable picking up girls.
- Eric: Watch and learn. [gets very close to Jack's face with a weird smile]
- Jack: What are you doing?
- Eric: I'm loving you with my eyes.
- Jack: Please don't.
- Shawn: Hey, Rosemary. How's the baby?
No Guts, No Cory [5.6]
[edit]- [Eric has been told that he cannot enlist due to flat feet.]
- Eric: Everybody's doing their part in this war. I want to help. I'm going back to that recruitment office and tell them that a little case of flat feet isn't gonna stop Eric Matthews from fighting those evil Canadians.
- Alan: I have a feeling it's not the flat feet.
- Shawn: Cory, we're going down to enlist. Uncle Sam wants us. I wasn't gonna go, but he was pointing right at me.
I Love You, Donna Karan - Part I [5.7]
[edit]- Shawn: It's like you and Topanga, a perfect fit.
- Cory: Yeah, but I didn't fall in love with her luggage.
- Cory: Mr. Feeny, we found this purse. Who runs the Lost and Found?
- Feeny: [pause] I do, Mr. Matthews. I teach English, history and film, and I run the Lost and Found.
- Shawn: We'll put up a notice.
Chasing Angela - Part II [5.8]
[edit]- Cory: [referring to Shawn's little black book] This will never make you happy! [glancing at the book] Ahh! My aunt!
- Eric: [tasting Jack's pumpkin pie] Is pumpkin pie supposed to have bones?
How to Succeed in Business [5.9]
[edit]- Eric: Sorry buddy, this seat's saved for [sigh] Monica.
- Jack: What happened to [sigh] Bridgette?
- Eric: She found out about [sigh] Monica.
- Eric: [reading Amy's new paper] "An Evening in Cape Cod." Now this is more like it. "As Alan touched me, my lips began to quiver..." Don't you do anything but quiver? [skims ahead] Oh my God, you do!
Last Tango in Philly [5.10]
[edit]- Shawn: Cor, let's try to figure this thing out. The girls want to dance more than anything in the world and we want to make them happy.
- Cory: Okay, there's gotta be a simple solution to all of this.
- [They both think hard for a minute.]
- Shawn: Anything?
- Cory: Nothing.
- Feeny: Now, why didn't I see that?
- Eric: Well, Mr. Feeny, I'm in college. You're still in high school.
- Eric: From the beginning of time, men have been idiots.
A Very Topanga Christmas [5.11]
[edit]- Cory: This year, no running around the house naked singing "We Wish You A Merry Christmas." I'm looking at you.
- Eric: I only do it because people have come to expect it.
- Jack: We usually go to the Val d'Isère and see the French Alps.
- Shawn: Those of us in the trailer park just like to thank God for all that we have this time of year.
- Jack: We pray on the plane.
Raging Cory [5.12]
[edit]- Shawn: I can't believe you hit your dad! Now, does he have to leave the house in shame? Do you get his woman?
- Jack: [about Shawn's room] So when people throw garbage down the chute, this is where it winds up, huh?
- Shawn: Are you calling me a pig?
- Jack: A pig would never live in here.
- Shawn: Oh, yeah?
- [Shawn moves a curtain covering a closet to reveal a big black pig.]
- Cory: No, I don't wanna get up. I hit my father. That's gotta be a bad sin. If this were the Bible, I'd be a father-smiter. I'd be Cory, son of Alan the Bruised.
The Eskimo [5.13]
[edit]- Shawn: I got four can't-miss ways on how to get Superbowl tickets.
- Cory: Okay, give me the best one.
- Shawn: I go back in time to the first Superbowl when tickets weren't that hard to get.
- Cory: Good. Good. Very good. I don't need to hear the other three.
- Jack: Hey. I didn't hear you come in last night. Must've had a pretty good time with your date, huh?
- Eric: Evening began at seven. Started with some intimate pre-dinner conversation at a quaint little Mexican place I happen to know. Came back here and... let's just say my clothes were off within five minutes. [sips coffee]
- Jack: You opened your big mouth, she walked out. You ate alone at Taco Bell, came home, took off all your clothes and were asleep by eight 'o'clock.
- Eric: How'd you do?
- Jack: Not as good.
- Eskimo: I am warm and you are cold.
Heartbreak Cory [5.14]
[edit]- Lauren: Those slopes are treacherous.
- Feeny: He fell getting off the bus.
- Lauren: Those buses are treacherous.
- Cory: If you could change your mate into one animal, what would it be and why? Please, nothing fuzzy-wuzzy.
- Topanga: A falcon.
- Cory: Yes, a falcon. The hunter of all that is fuzzy-wuzzy.
- Topanga: No, a falcon because I want you to be free to soar majestically as long as I know that you'll always come back to me.
- Angela: If I ever get like that, kill me.
- Shawn: I would have to.
First Girlfriends Club [5.15]
[edit]- Cory: I'm a Valentine's Day veteran, Shawn. I march in the parade.
- Jack: This whole Valentine's Day thing is one big scam. The greeting card companies, the candy stores, all trying to rip off the innocent consumer.
- Eric: No date, huh?
Torn Between Two Lovers (Feeling Like a Fool) [5.16]
[edit]- Feeny: I need you to proctor.
- Eric: Me? Proctor? [dreamily] Proctor Matthews.
- Feeny: You know what "proctor" is?
- Eric: Yeah, it's a tushy doctor. Oh! Eeeeww, I'm not gonna do that!
- Topanga: He lied to me. He lied to me about staying up all night with Lauren. Strike one.
- Shawn: All they did was talk!
- Topanga: He lied to me about kissing her! Strike two.
- Shawn: All they did was talk and kiss!
And Then There Was Shawn [5.17]
[edit]- Feeny: We'll return to The Young and the Restless right after this word from Feeny. And the word is...Shut up.
- Feeny: THAT'S ENOUGH! Now, this class will not be more interested in the romantic goings-on of its students than it is with whatever the hell I'm teaching!
- (the lights come up to reveal someone has thrown a pencil through Kenny's head. Kenny drops to the floor, the pencil leaving a line on the wall as he goes down)
- Cory: (walks to the pencil line on the wall) We'll always remember he was this tall.
- Eric: Oh my Gosh! They killed Kenny!
- Eric: Oh my Gosh! They killed Feeny!
- Shawn: Alright lets' calmly recap
- Eric: (quickly and panicked) Kenny's dead, Feeney's dead, we're trapped inside with the killer!
- Angela: Well, is any one of us safe??
- Shawn: Yeah, virgins. Virgins never die.
- Cory: All right! [to Topanga] Thanks for saving me.
- Eric: [proud] I'm dead!
- Jack: [resigned] I'm dead.
- Shawn: Well, I'll get as sick as you can get without actually dying.
- Angela: Feeny...he's dead.
- pause
- Shawn and Eric: Go Feeny! Go Feeny! I said, go, go, go Feeny!
- Jack: (standing over the bodies of Eric and 'Feffy') Eric! Feffy. Eric! Oh, he was my friend! My roommate! I didn't really know her.
- Jack: He paid half the rent! Now I can't afford to live in my apartment anymore! Wait...if I can't afford to live in my apartment anymore then I don't want to live!
- (Runs to window almost jumping out)
- Angela: Wait! Wait! Shawn is still your roommate! Together, you can make the rent.
- Feeny: Nebraska, Mr. Hunter. Nebraska!
- Shawn: The 75th State! Major Export: Tortillas!
If You Can't Be With the One You Love... [5.18]
[edit]- Angela: [to Kimberly] You make one move on my best friend's man, and that new nose is gonna look like your old nose.
- Shawn: Dad used to drink and then he stopped.
- Jack: Do you know why he stopped drinking?
- Shawn: Because he ran out of money?
- Jack: Do you know why my mom left him?
- Shawn: Because she went for a guy with more money?
Eric Hollywood [5.19]
[edit]- Amy: I cannot believe how deeply you feel up there, Eric. I mean, when you jumped into Ophelia's grave, overcome with emotion, and then wept openly: where did you get your motivation?
- Eric: They got it right here in the script. Look at it... "Weeps openly." I mean, they tell you what to do!
- Alan: The real tragedy tonight is that William Shakespeare couldn't be here to see how good you are!
- Eric: Oh, he'll come tomorrow. I mean, we're here all week.
- Alan: Unbelievable.
- Schneider: Sometimes I get shy. People who aren't shy make me nervous.
Starry Night [5.20]
[edit]- Cory: This city is a cultural vacuum, my friend.
- Shawn: That's why my people settled here.
- Shawn: Cor, what I'm about to tell you is gonna make you wanna kill me.
- Cory: I'm not gonna kill you, Shawn. It takes too much time to break in a new best friend.
Honesty Night [5.21]
[edit]- Feeny: Is that the stupid idea train coming around the bend?
- Cory: Okay Shawn, how are you going to save our doomed relationship?
- Topanga: It's not doomed, just hopeless.
Prom-ises, Prom-ises [5.22]
[edit]- Shawn: Tonight we leave as boys and come back men.
- Cory: Are we talking about the same thing?
- Shawn: [raising an eyebrow seductively] I certainly hope so.
- Cory: Okay, so after the prom, romance in the air, you and Angela, you're gonna look in each other's eyes —
- Shawn: Me and Angela?
- Cory: I need your credit card. Don't ask me why, I just need it!
- Eric: Okay, but it might be maxed out. I just bought some gum.
- Alan: We're having a baby!
- Eric: I'm going to be an uncle?
Things Change [5.23]
[edit]- Eric: You see, duckies are good, because not only do they give you that non-threatening sense of security, but you can feed them crackers and you can ride 'em. See, duckies are the horsies of the ocean.
- Cory: I sort of thought you guys would keep my room the way it is.
- Eric: Actually, Cor, for that I think you have to be unexpectedly killed by a truck or something.
- Eric: Mr. Feeny, if I'm really quiet, will you stay?
Graduation [5.24]
[edit]- Cory: Well, Shawn. I think the time has come... to sign each others' yearbooks! Shall we talk about it first?
- Shawn: No, no, let's just do it.
- [They exchange yearbooks.]
- Cory: Boy oh boy. Where to begin, huh? [cuffing Shawn affectionately] What am I gonna say to you? I mean this is gonna take me at least a week.
- Shawn: [handing back the book] I'm done.
- Cory: You're done? [opens to the page] "Hey"? You write "Hey"?!
- Shawn: And I mean it!
- Topanga: [referring to an assignment] I'm doing it and I'm getting an A.
- Feeny: It's for no credit, Miss Lawrence.
- Topanga: I have six hundred and ninety-nine A's. [stands imposingly] I need one more. [grabs his collar] Give me the A, Feeny!
- Feeny: [scared] Okay, fine, you get an A. [Topanga lets go] You don't even have to do it, I'll just give you an A because I'm scared of you. Now that makes an even 700.
- Topanga: 700. That's more than anybody, right?
- Feeny: Oh, more than anybody. [to Cory as he walks by him] Good luck in Hell, Mr. Matthews.