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D2: The Mighty Ducks

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D2: The Mighty Ducks is a 1994 American sports comedy-drama film directed by Sam Weisman that was released on March 25, 1994. It is a sequel to the 1992 film, The Mighty Ducks.

Dialogue

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Gordon: [to Jan] Hans couldn't make it?
Jan: Now don't get me started with that strudel-head. He went back to the old country for the summer, left me to run the shop all by myself. He wanted to see our mother. She loved him more, you know.
Jan: For breakfast, my specialty: Jan's has-
Gordon and Charlie: -enpfeffer and eggs.
Jan: Ja.
Gordon: Thought I'd smelled something burning.
Jan: [referring to Charlie] I see you've met my new apprentice.
Charlie: Jan told me you did this job when you were my age.
Gordon: That's right, and I hope he pays you more than he paid me.
Charlie: You got paid?
Jan: [quickly] Eat everybody, before the hasenpfeffer gets cold.
Gordon: Haven't you guys been training in the off-season?
Averman: You know, I knew we forgot something.
Dwayne: Yee-haw! How's everybody? Y'all ready to play some puck?
Jesse: Hey, look, it's Hop-Along Gretzky! [rest of the Ducks laugh]
Tibbles: That's Dwayne Robertson, from Austin. He's the best puck handler I've ever seen.
Gordon: You mean, for his age.
Tibbles: No, I don't.
Gordon: [Sees Portman for the first time] That guy's a teenager?
Portman: [Skating along, singing to music on his headphones, knocking Ducks players over as he does so] "Don't you know that everything's on FIRE?"
Tibbles: Uh, yeah, hormones.
Gordon: He's a goon!
Portman: [Knocks another player over and puts his arm around Dwayne] C'mon, Tex, sing it with me! [Dwayne shakes his head, Portman continues on] "Everything's..." [pushes another player over and tosses his stick to Julie] Here you go, sweetie!
Gordon: My kids don't play that kind of hockey.
Tibbles: I believe they're called "enforcers", Gordon. And when you play Iceland, you're gonna need him.
[The following day, training begins in earnest. Gordon gathers the Ducks, or Team USA, as they are now called, onto the rink. He hobbles them together into a line, but ties them to each other with packing cord]
Dwayne: This is more crowded than a truckload of goats.
Julie: Somebody better watch their hands.
Averman: Yecch. Somebody licked me!
Fulton: Ugh, I smell something.
[rest of the team smells it]
Entire team: GOLDBERG!
Goldberg: It wasn't me!
Portman: No, it was me!
[Gordon walks back and forth in front of the team]
Gordon: I can't think of any fashion to make it clearer. You are a team. To win this thing, we're going to need to work as one. Now, as ONE–––skate!
[The players start moving, but in separate directions. The rope yanks them back, and they topple over each other into a pile]
Gordon: Everyone goes their own way, everyone falls down. Now get up and do it again!
[After several tries, Team USA is able to move slowly, very slowly, in the same direction. As he is satisfied that they are working as a team again, Gordon unties them and hands the rope to Dwayne]
Gordon: Alright, Rancher Dwayne. Go round me up some stray calf. [Then he promises double dessert to the last player left standing]
[The children take off, free-skating in all directions. Dwayne grins as he ties the rope into a lariat and takes off after them. He twirls the rope and easily lassos Goldberg first. Dwayne guides Goldberg off the ice as if he are bringing a cow in for branding]
[Dwayne returns to the ice and begins lassoing players as though he are scoring points in a video game. Connie, Luis, Averman, Jesse, Julie, Charlie. One by one, Dwayne lassos them and takes them off the ice]
[There are only three players left: Ken, Banks and Portman]
[Ken tries to twirl off, but is caught by Dwayne's loop in mid-pirouette. Upon seeing this, Portman decides he has eventually seen enough. He goes on the offensive. He charges Dwayne like a mad bull. Dwayne flees across the ice, but until he is a safe distance apart, he does a sharp about-face. Portman shoots past Dwayne and never sees the rope until it circles around his waist and jerks him to a dead stop]
[The workout is over]
[Everyone is watching Adam Banks start in on his second cup of pudding until Tibbles enters the dining hall. He is pushing a cloth-covered cart into the center of the room]
Tibbles: I know you athletes need your food, but let me interrupt you for a moment. Winning the Junior Goodwill Games is more than just a victory. It's a chance to be immortalized in a time-honored tradition.
[With that said, Tibbles ceremoniously whips the cloth off the cart to reveal a huge, oversize box of USA Crunch cereal. Plastered across the front of the box is a photograph of Gordon and the team]
[Gordon can't help but grin]
Dwayne: Hey, that's us!
Tibbles: Today it's a cereal box. Tomorrow it's video games, action figures, lunch boxes. Perhaps they'll even make a movie about you. Stranger facts have happened. Now, just where everybody knows who you are, put away these old Duck jerseys because from now on you'll be wearing these!
[Tibbles opens the cereal box and pulls out a bunch of beautiful red-white-and-blue warm-up suits with Team USA embroidered across the front and Hendrix sews down the sleeves]
[Portman, Luis, Julie, Dwayne and Ken scramble for their new uniforms. But the old Ducks hesitate. They don't like the idea of giving up the Mighty Ducks]
Charlie: This stuff has Hendrix written all over it.
Gordon: They're our sponsors, Charlie.
Charlie: Then what? Why can't we be USA Ducks or at least keep our Duck colors?
Gordon: Charlie, it's business stuff. [The fact is, he explains, they aren't the Ducks anymore. They are a new team. Team USA]
[Seeing his picture on the front of the cereal box, Gordon knows he isn't the coach of the Ducks anymore, either. He is the coach of Team USA]
[As far as he's worried, the Ducks are history]
Averman: [to Gordon] Nice haircut. What, ya lose a bet?
Russ: Hey, Goldberg! I bet if that puck was a cheeseburger, you'd stop it! [laughs]
Gordon: This isn't a hockey game. It's a circus.
Averman: [about Team Iceland] We can't make it. Iceland's bigger, stronger, faster, they got more facial hair.
Dwayne: Where I come from, we treat ladies with respect!
Connie: Thank you, Dwayne, but I'm no lady. I'm a DUCK!
Wolf "The Dentist" Stansson: Gunnar, you lost it for me.
Gunnar Stahl: You lost it for yourself.

Taglines

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  • The puck stops here! The Mighty Ducks are back.

Cast

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