Daria is an American animated television series created by Glenn Eichler and Susie Lewis Lynn for MTV. The series focuses on Daria Morgendorffer, a smart, acerbic, and somewhat misanthropic teenage girl who observes the world around her.
Sealed With A Kick
- This is the first unaired short of Daria, which mainly intended to show MTV executives the look and feel of the show. After Daria forgets to give Kevin back the pencil she borrowed from him, the not-so-sharp QB becomes convinced of her romantic feelings toward him.
- Kevin: Let's not play games, Daria. You desire me, don't you?
- Daria: Uh, excuse me?
- Kevin: I can tell. It's like a fifth sense I got. But: I already got a chick. We can still be friends though.
- Daria: Thanks Kevin if it helps.
- Kevin: Great! Can I borrow your science homework? (Daria hands the paper to Kevin) Hey thanks a lot, sorry if you were hurt.
- Daria: I just got blown off by a guy I didn't even go after.
- Jane: You should find a safe, legal alternative to killing him.
- Daria: I already have. When I get through with him, there'll be nothing left but jelly.
- Jane: Well, you won't have to do anything to his brain.
- Daria: (Kevin is working out in his house while Daria walks over there and she answers his doorbell and Kevin heard the bell and opens to door to find Daria standing on the porch step showing him a plate of cookies) I brought you some cookies. (she passes them to Kevin) They're shaped like hearts.
Is It Fall Yet?
- Mr. DeMartino: Well, students... I certainly appreciate your help in cleaning out the classroom for the summer. It almost makes me forget that most of you didn't learn a thing all year!
- Daria: That's not true. I learned to sleep sitting up.
- Brittany: Wait, isn't golf for old people who dress funny?
- Jodie: Yeah - my parents.
- Helen: Hello! You must be Tom.
- Tom: I-
- Helen: I'm Helen Morgendorffer.
- Tom: Glad to-
- Helen: Won't you come in?
- Tom: I'd-
- Helen: Great!
- Daria: Sorry about that. They've been acting a little strange ever since, oh, I can remember.
- David: Hi, I'm David Sorenson. Are you Quinn?
- Daria: I don't know. Is this the ninth circle of Hell?
- David: The Divine Comedy.
- Daria: Wait a minute, you know that? All right. Who are you and what do you want with my sister?
- Quinn: Where are you going?
- David: Far, far away.
- Guy: [to Daniel] I was wondering, where do you get your inspiration?
- Alison: "My alimony bills."
- Brittany: Wait a minute, Kevvy. He's serious. But how can you be dating Jane and Daria?
- Tom: Well, I'm not dating Jane anymore.
- Brittany: Oh. [pause] Oh! Daria!
- Andrew: We're up for membership at Winged Tree and she's on the board. Forget politics. That's power. [laughs]
- David: Steinbeck was perhaps best known for his poignant novel about the "Okies"-
- Tiffany: Uh-huh....
- David: A heavy metal band famous for having a baboon on bass.
- Tiffany: Uh-huh....
- Tiffany: This toaster's really shiny.
- Mr. DeMartino: Remember: If you feel yourself getting mad, go ahead! If someone's doing something to irritate you, tell them about it in detail! And hike.... whenever you feel like it!
- Quinn: You can't judge someone by their family. What if people judged me by.... blech! Got to go.
- Daria: Just for the record, the police don't like it when you drive on the wrong side of the road.
- Trent: Tell me about it.
- Trent: We'd better not disturb them. You got to wake Jesse up just right or he gets all disoriented.
- Daria: How can you tell?
- Daria: And I kept thinking about you, up here doing your paintings, making your jokes, being Jane Lane.
- Jane: Being Jane Lane's what I do best.
- Daria: Gee, shall I attempt further heights of ego inflation?
- Jane: Please do.
- Mystik Spiral: When the aliens come,
- when the death rays hum,
- when the bombers bomb,
- we'll still be freakin' friends!
- When the whip comes down,:
- when they nuke the town,:
- when dead clowns can't clown,
- we'll still be freakin' friends!
- Jane: Anyway, it's just another two weeks and then we'll be back at school! Wait.... what's my point?
- Daria: That life sucks no matter what, so don't be fooled by location changes.
Is It College Yet?
- Jane: What about you? Still thinking about- [snooty accent] -Bromwell?
- Daria: They don't really talk like that there. I hope. Anyway, I'm applying because it's an outstanding university, not because the students engage in the rectal transport of steel rods.
- Jane: The Equestrian Club must be in constant pain.
- Bromwell applications interviewer: What are you hoping to reap from your Bromwell experience?
- Daria: [thinking to self] Reap? Reap?... REAPREAP!
- Trent: What about focusing on your art?
- Jane: See, I can do that at Boston Fine Arts College. That's why they put in the word "arts." Come on, let's go.
- Trent: I don't know. I have to get used to this whole selling out thing first.
- Jane: Trent, I'm not selling out. I'm attempting to acquire the skills and knowledge that will allow me to sell out.
- Trent: Hey.
- Jane: Wow. You're talking to a sellout like me?
- Trent: About that.
- Jane: Yes?
- Trent: I don't really think you're a sellout.
- Jane: Well, that's not exactly an apology but you know what they say about beggers.
- Trent: That they'll only spend it on booze?
- Upchuck: Andrea, my dark-eyed mistress of sweet, sweet pain. Are you, like me, finding this party a bit too festive? Let us depart for a darker place where we can explore the melancholia that always accompanies true, unbridled passion.
- Andrea: You're hitting on me?
- Upchuck: Um-
- Andrea: Okay.
- Upchuck: [squeaks] Really? [normal voice] I mean, say no more, my raven-haired ravisher. [offers Andrea his arm, which she takes as they walk away]
- Daria: I'm not much for public speaking, or much for speaking, or come to think of it, much for the public. And I'm not very good at lying. So let me just say that, in my experience, high school sucks. If I could do it all over again, I'd have started advanced placement classes in preschool so I could go from 8th grade straight to college. However, given the unalterable fact that high school sucks, I'd like to add that if you're lucky enough to have a good friend and a family that cares, then it doesn't have to suck quite as much. Otherwise, my advice is stand firm for what you believe in, until and unless logic and experience prove you wrong. Remember, when the emperor looks naked, the emperor is naked. The truth and the lie are not "sort of" the same thing. And there's no aspect, no facet, no moment in life that can't be improved with pizza. Thank you.
- Jane: Daria! Your face at the pizza parlor... your face now! Did that bastard dump you?! I swear, I'm gonna...
- Daria: No. I dumped him.
- Jane: Wait a minute... you mean you? You're the bastard?
- Daria: Yes, and the bastard is hurting like hell.
Last Dialogue of the Series:
- Jane: To college. I can't wait. What do you think we'll find when we get there?
- Daria: Hmm. That the students are shockingly ignorant, the professors self-centered and corrupt, and the entire system geared solely to the pursuit of funding?:
- Jane: Hmm, yes. You know that thing I said about you getting soft?
- Daria: Yeah?
- Jane: I take it back.
- Tracy Grandstaff as Daria Morgendorffer
- Julián Rebolledo as Jake Morgendorffer
- Wendy Hoopes as Helen Morgendorffer, Quinn Morgendorffer, and Jane Lane