Bastard son of Barney! Die! Die, stuffed ball of fluff! Illegitimate Teletubbie! Die, you Muppet from hell! Die, you foam motherfucker!
Even when you're squeaky clean, you can still fall in the mud.
[Smoochy holds up a penis-shaped cookie made by Randolph] What are you, blind? It's a cock! It's not a rocket, you sick fuck! It's a cock! Look. It's a cock and balls! A dick! Chorizo and the huevos! It's a big stiffy! Yeah, it's a penis! Penis maximus! A willie! A weenie! Mr. Jiggle Daddy! The one-eyed wonder weasel! Don't you see that? It's Jimmy and the twins. Rumple Foreskin. He made this. It's made from dil-dough.
You better grow eyes in the back of your head, you horned piece of shit, because I'm not gonna sleep until worms are crawling up your foam-rubber ass! I'm goin' on safari, motherfucker! SAH-FAR-I! [makes an elephant noise]
[to a baby, after framing Sheldon] Hello, little nipple-nibbler. The rhino's a Nazi!
[after getting egged] I've been shot! I'm bleeding! Salmonella! You're a lawyer! That's salmonella!
[after being assaulted by Tommy and her henchmen] All right, you spudsucking fucks! I'm suing your Riverdance ass! [heavy Irish accent] I'm gonna send you all the way back home, eh?!
[to Sheldon] Do not start with your magician's tricks, young Moses! I am Pharaoh! And you are my slave...and this is my kingdom!
When my brothers and I played cowboys and Indians, I was always the Chinese railroad worker.
[singing] He slams the door, He stomps his feet, He sends me to bed with zilch to eat. But my step-dad's not mean, he's just adjusting.
Captain Kangaroo, like Jesus Christ, was someone you could really believe in. With those guys, it wasn't about the bells and whistles and the ricketa-racketa; it was all about the work. Especially Jesus.
Now I'm not pointing any fingers, Lord knows you start pointing fingers and someone's gonna get poked. And I want you both to know that its not my intention to try and poke either of you.
You can't change the world but you can make a dent.
Someone toss me a beach towel because my head is swimming.
Let's face it. Big junkies come from little junkies. We gotta nip this in the bud, Burke!
There are a lot of kids and a lot of junkies out there who are counting on me.