Futurama/Season 7

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Futurama Season 7


Part 1[edit]

The Bots and the Bees[edit]

Leela: Aw, he's so cute. Wait, no, he isn't. He looks like Bender!

Amy: Didn't your mom ever tell you where robot babies come from?
Bender: No, she was a religious fundamentalist, plus she didn't have a mouth. It's an unusual combination.

Prof. Farnsworth: I hate to crush a boy's dreams, but... [upbeat] What the heck!

Bender: Awh, I'm gonna call him Ben, after the first half of me, Bender!
[Ben lets out a small, flaming burp.]
Bender: That's my bastard!

Hermes: That's it, Fry! For a guy who's not too bright, you're too damn bright!

Bender: There's a dam!
Ben: Damn!
Bender: There's a grate!
Ben: Great!

A Farewell to Arms[edit]

Fry: I hope you're not too mad at me, Leela. For tearing your arm off and all.
Leela: I can't be mad, I'm on way too many painkillers. Plus, you were willing to sacrifice yourself so I could live. I mean you failed miserably, but you're only person who loves me enough to try.

Prof. Farnsworth: What an idiot I was! And by "I", I meant "you"!

Richard Nixon's Head: Damn thing won't turn over, like Pat on Sunday morning.

Fry: My lucky pants!
Bender: They don't look so lucky to me.
Fry: They are too lucky! I was wearing them when I found a dime in my ear, when I got a free subscription to Redbook, and when I first met Leela.
Leela: Aw! Also, oh, Lord.
Fry: Also, they're my only pants.
Bender: You wore the same pants for a thousand years? No wonder they made a run for it.

Decision 3012[edit]

Linda: This is the first time a presidential candidate got to see his own birth live.

Bender: If you want my opinion, Nixon's only chance of beating Travers is with filthy lies, dirty tricks and good old Quaker thuggery. [the scene expands to reveal Bender is in the Oval Office with Nixon] And I'm just the guy for the job! [Bender and Nixon laugh evilly]
Bender and Nixon's Head: AROOO!

Chris Travers: Look, let's be honest here. No one likes taxes. But they pay for our basic needs. Roads, schools, defense. If we hope to realise our aspirations as a great planet, we must each pay our fair share to achieve those noble goals.
Morbo: Thank you, Senator. A thoughtful and lucid answer. You will be destroyed!!

Leela: This is crazy! You're from the future?
Chris Travers: Yes. I was sent back from the year 3028 to prevent Nixon from getting elected.
Fry: I was sent forward from the year 2000, but you don't hear me gassing on about it.

The Thief of Baghead[edit]

Hermes: Film? Who uses film? We've had digital cameras for a thousand years!
Bender: Digital? [spits] No digital camera can capture the warmth and grain o' good, ol' film.
Prof. Farnsworth: How can you even tell? Your eyes are digital cameras.

Leela: [to Calculon] Now, your only chance is a classic death scene, one with a lot of thy's and thou's.
Bender: Voíla! The tragic end of "Rome-o and Julie-t."
Leela: That's Romeo and Juliet, dummy...by will.i.am Shakespeare.

Zapp Dingbat[edit]

Zapp Brannigan: Very well. Morris, Munda, I now pronounce you man and wife. May I kiss the bride?
[Morris punches Zapp in the chest.]
Zapp Brannigan: Congratulations.

Zapp Brannigan: We're under attack and the wedding's off. Kif, return fire AND the cake.
Kif: [panicking] All systems are disabled and you can't return an ice cream cake!!

The Butterjunk Effect[edit]

[Leela gives Fry a long kiss.]
Leela: Keep your door unlocked tonight.
Fry: But McGruff the Crime Dog says... Oh!

Leela: Professor, there's nothing wrong with Nectar. It's all natural.
Prof. Farnworth: So are carrots, but you don't see me injecting them between my toes!
[He lights up a carrot and smokes it.]

[Amy and Leela continuously kiss Fry]
Hermes: Sweet orgy of Georgia! Have you girls gone wild?

Bender: With one-sixth gravity, you can work and be lazy at the same time! It's like being a voice actor!

Morbo: Once again, Eternliax the Immortal, dead, at the age of 26.

The Six Million Dollar Mon[edit]

Hermes: No more implants. I don't want to end up a cold, emotionless machine like you.

Zoidberg: You don't understand. He was the only one who cared enough to insult me.
Leela: I insult you, you fat sack.
Zoidberg: Sure, when it's convenient.

[Beats begin]
Leela: Zoidberg this makes no sense. Why are you helping him?
Bender: And what's with that catchy beat?
Zoidberg: I'll tell you, 2, 3, 4.
[singing] I was lonesome for my friend a minute ago.
When a happy thought dispelled my wall
And I fell perhaps he'd be a bit last doll
Little Hermes: If I sliced up his Cyborgs scull
Both: He wants a brain
Zoidberg: He wants a robot brain
Both: Another brain
Zoidberg: Let see if he fells pain
Both: A brand new brain
Zoidberg: It might drive him insane
Both: He wants a brain.
Zoidberg: He wants a robot brain
Both: wa uuuuuuuuuu wa wa uuuuuuuuu wa wa uuuuuuuuuu wa wa uuuuuuuu...
Amy: Does anybody else find it freaky that Zoidberg is singing harmony with himself?
Fry: Oh, loosen up, Amy!

Fun on a Bun[edit]

Prof. Farnsworth: For once, I thought it might be nice to do something in a social setting! Finally get to know each other. Why, I don't even know half your names! [Points to Fry.] You, boy! What do they call you?
Fry: Most folks just call me 'Orange Joe'.

Bender: Hey, Elzar! I've just recently started always having dreamt of being a sausage making champion

Zapp Brannigan: Foolproof and durable; it's designed to withstand the weight of a modern day elephant foot.
[A wooly mammoth tramples them, making Zapp drop the controller, which is crushed by the mammoth's foot, causing the drones to crash and explode.]

Bender: I enjoy getting drunk as much as the next fellow, but this sir, is Oktoberfest!

Free Will Hunting[edit]

Bender: Thanks to you, I went on a soul-searching journey. I hate those!

Bender: How does a robot join this monk outfit?
AbBot: Just put on this monk outfit.

Bender: I gotta mope things over for a while.
Fry: What's happening?
Leela: I don't know. I think he's shuffling off sadly in the distance.
Fry: Oh lord.

Bender: Life is about decisions. Make the wrong ones and you'll wind up face down in a pool of your own blood and urine.
Zoidberg: Still, to have your own pool!

Bender: It's been quite a journey. I dropped out of school, joined a gang, took money from a loan shark, and fell into a spiral of despair, addiction, and discount prostitution.
Hermes: Mon, you had one hell of a day.

Near-Death Wish[edit]

Leela: Fry, you're so confident and take charge on this trip! It's kind of a turn-on.
Fry: Not now, Leela, I'm trying to meet old people!

Zoidberg: It's so wonderful to meet the Professor's parents! [to Ned and Velma] Hello, my name is Dr. Zoidberg. I'm very important here.
Leela: Hey, Zoidberg! You forgot to empty this trashcan!
Zoidberg: [scared] Don't hit me!

Fry: Ahem!
Professor: Oh what? Oh yeah your award show? I'm sorry I couldn't make it but I had a very good reason!
Fry: Perhaps you'd favor us with it?
Professor: Sure my pleasure. I came down with a searing case of... who gives a crap?! HAHAHAHA!!

Leela: Hmmmm... Hats with wires on them. Are you sure this is safe?
Bender: It's not just safe; it's 40% safe.

31st Century Fox[edit]

Prof. Farnsworth: Fox news, everyone! I've decided to make the fox our new corporate mascot!

Fry: It's Bender's middle finger. I'd recognize this anywhere!

Leela: Where's the huntmaster?
Mayor Poopenmeyer: Remember when you said "Nobody leave." and then turned your head briefly... He left an hour before that.

Viva Mars Vegas[edit]

Zoidberg: [prays] God, it's Zoidberg. I hate to bother you, but- [A huge bag full of money lands directly in front of him] Okay, okay, I'll shut up!

Zoidberg: Look out, penny slots, I've got a system! It's to put all my money in you!

Prof. Farnsworth: My God! He was so saturated with ink that his entire body structure was polarized!
Zoidberg: You mean I'm invisible?
Prof. Farnsworth: No, no, no, not in any sense of the word. But essentially, yes, entirely.

Hermes: [in disguise] Hello! I'm prime minister Nelson Okeke of Nigeria. I trust you received my spam e-mail?

Zoidberg: So what happens to the hero of our story, Zoidberg? Will I be invisible forever?
Prof. Farnsworth: No, only until you take a bath and wash off this invisible ink.
Zoidberg: [sadly] So, forever.

Hey, Big Lobster
The minute you walked in the joint
I could smell you were a man who was stinkin'
A real big lobster
Fresh shellfish
You give me a rash
Ladies love a decapod with clothes made of cash
Then let me get right to the point
I don't boil my pot for every crab I see
Hey, rich lobster
Blow... your wad of cash on me.

Naturama[edit]

Salmon Hermes: Still, six of ten alive! That's considered good for our species.
Lobster Zoidberg: Five out of ten, also nice. [Takes a bit out of Scruffy]
Salmon Scruffy: Yep.

Salmon Hermes: Oh-ho I'm good! Who wants a piece of me?
Lobster Zoidberg: I'll try-a-bite! [Eats Hermes]

Bass Bender: (his dying words) Tell my kids I love me... very much.

Narrator: The isolated Galapagos Islands, a veritable pageant of evolutionary science – home to dozens of species found nowhere else, such as Darwin's Finches and the marine iguana.
Booby Zoidberg: Also, the Blue-footed Booby! That's fairly interesting. Note the blue coloration of the f—

Lonesome Hubert: Sad news everyone. I'm lonesome.

Beach-master Bender: Bite my freshly-molted, blubber-filled ass!
Seal Hermes: You're just a giant lump of fat. Do you even have an ass under there?
Beach-master Bender: I'm 40% ass.

Part 2[edit]

2-D Blacktop[edit]

Professor Farnsworth: That's it, you hoodlums! Your mouth just wrote a PayPal transfer request that your butt has insufficient funds to honor!
Racer: Yo. It is on! Before that it was off.

Amy: [upset] Do you think they're...dead?
Hermes: No, no. I choose to believe they're alive in some other dimension. Screamin' in agony. [Amy wipes away a tear.]
Amy: I hope so.

[In the 2D dimension, Leela and the Professor are sat at a table with a bowl of apples on it.]
Leela: Yum, apples! [She grabs a piece of apple and attempts to eat it.] Hey, how come I can't swallow?
Professor Farnsworth: Hmm, I guess it's because our two-ended digestive system can't exist in this dimension. I suppose that could be an issue. [Leela mumbles and spits the piece of apple out.]
Leela: I knew it! I knew he'd get us killed somehow!
[The Professor begins to type on a computer.]
Professor Farnsworth: As you can see, or rather can't see, but take my word for it, such a digestive system would divide a 2D being into separate pieces!

King of Flatbush: He's opening our minds to new ideas. Kill him!

Fry and Leela's Big Fling[edit]

[Amy approaches Zoidberg whilst dressed like a marmoset.]
Amy: I'm not sure this marmoset disguise is working...
Zoidberg: I'm not sure either. We better ask Amy!

Fry: An-and the robot hands would make you a strawberry shortcake any time of day. Four, seven, any time!
Hermes: No way!
Fry: I'm not lyin'!

Leela: Sean, I'd like you to meet Fry, he and I are... What would you say we are, Fry?
Fry: Nude and interrupted.

T.: The Terrestrial[edit]

Professor Farnsworth: Good news, everyone! I'm in terrible pain.

Kif: Sir, there's an Omicronian ship requesting safe passage home.
Zapp: Home, eh? That's where I live! Let 'em through the blockade.

Hermes: Five-O! Five-O!
Amy: Five what?
Hermes: Five Omicronians!

Leela: Bender. Do you know where Fry is? I haven't seen him since we got back from Omicron Persei 8.
Bender: Fry?! You... just missed him. He went out to buy you flowers. Whatever kind you like best. 'Cuz he loves you and crap.

Lrrr: Jrrr! How do I watch a funny on the YouTube?

Jrrr: Can you save him?
Drrr: I could, but he'd only live another 80 years at most. The humane thing is to put him to sleep.

Lrrr: What's happening? Why's his butt glowing?
Drrr: The electromagnetic intensity of the robot's friendship is causing the herbs in his bowels to bioluminesce with love. Probably.

Forty Percent Leadbelly[edit]

Ben Beeler: Using my fancy technology, I can make an exact copy of this guitar.
Bender: Tell me Doctor Beeler, will I need to threaten you?
Ben Beeler: Not at all! You see nowadays, we can take a unique and beautiful object, and easily reduce it to a formula for mass production! I call the process "Science"!

Bender: I failed at my life-long dream again. How can I be so bad at everything I try, and still be so great?

Zoidberg: But, robot, you can't just make up a folk song like you can a medical diploma, they have to come from the heart!

Bender: See this scratch? I tell people she got it while I was doing hard time with a New Hampshire chain gang.
Fry: I have a scratch too. From where Dr. Brutaloff slashed me with his finger knives, right after he thawed out of his carbonite, and right before he froze me in his carbonite because you deserted me.
Bender: You're always gettin' frozen in stuff. It's your thing, man!

The Inhuman Torch[edit]

Mayor Poopenmeyer: These boys must have hero in their bones, and you, ma'am, must have heroine in your veins.

Bender: Polar bears don't burn! I've tried many times!

Professor Farnsworth: We can have 4 idiots and a fat guy, but no arsonist!

Mayor Poopenmeyer: There is no fire department! I sold it to pay for Bender's medal!

Bender: I'll stay here and be in charge of 'not dying'

Zapp: But here we are, stealing an unlimited supply of birthday grade helium from the unsuspecting moon.
Kif: That's the sun.
Zapp: At night, its the moon.

Saturday Morning Fun Pit[edit]

Larry Bird: Hi, this is Larry Bird calling. Listen, my agent sent me a cartoon script and I've decided I don't wanna be involved in any way.

Nixon: [whilst editing the G.I. Zapp cartoon] Time for Dickie to get tricky! Rargh!

Fry: [a shot pierces his stomach] I'm hit! Oh God it h...
Nixon: [editing] Tickles!
Leela: Fry is d...
Nixon: [editing] Sleeping!
Leela: I will avenge him you heartless...
Nixon: BASTARDS!!! [grins evilly] It's okay when I say it!

[a rock is thrown into the White House shattering a window]
Nixon: Is that a rock? I hate rocks!

Farnsworth: [repetitive line] Just wait 'til I get my hands on those healthy purple berries!

[Nixon is editing a GI Zapp cartoon]
Leela: Die! Die! [uses a fire-log holder to choke an ACRONYM soldier]
Nixon: [editing] Just measuring you for a new hat. [a GI Zapp repetitively stabs a soldier] Three, four, cha-cha-cha. [Hermes is drowning a soldier] Find that apple. It's down there somewhere...[eventually the violence goes on and on. Nixon watches in disgust as explosions occur, gunfire is heard, screaming and fire shows up on the TV] Eeew...that's it! I'm pulling the plug! [Pulls plug off editer]

Calculon 2.0[edit]

[Fry and Bender are having a competition with the Robot Devil for Calculon's soul; with the Devil purposely trying to lose in order to get rid of the annoying Calculon]
Robot Devil: For Calculon's immortal soul, guess the number I'm thinking of.
Fry: Uhhhhhm...
Robot Devil: It's between one and three!
Fry: Four!
Robot Devil: No...between one and three, not including one or three.
Fry: "M"!
Bender: Is he right?
Robot Devil: [sarcastically] Yes, the number I was thinking of was the letter "M".

Calculon: Now, that's more like it. Always living wanting more. - That's the secret.
Robot Devil: Arrgh!!!
Calculon: So, what do you say, R.D.? Shall I dazzle the damned with a command performance of my one-man show?
Robot Devil: [screaming in despair] OH GOD!!!! HAVEN'T THEY SUFFERED ENOUGH!!!!????? [points to suffering robots in fire]

Fry: No! We like you and your big words, and we need you back on TV, so we can watch and not talk to each other. Our friendship depends on it!
Bender: [screaming] Your voice is so annoying!
Fry: [screaming] You always leave the toilet seat crushed!

Assie Come Home[edit]

Fry: Uhm, Leela, remember when we were trying to guess what would happen if someone stuck a gun in my face and you said I'd probably crap my pants? Well...

[Bender is sat looking miserable at the table in the Planet Express employee lounge, whilst Fry, Leela, Amy, Hermes and Zoidberg are sat watching the TV.]
Amy: Bender, come join us, we're watching Rear Window!
Bender: I used to stick my rear out the window...
Zoidb'erg: If you prefer, we could watch Behind the Music.
Bender: My behind used to make music...
Hermes: Backdraft is on.
Bender: Even my ass wouldn't watch that.

Crud: We are the Cruds, but we're over here. And don't shoot. That crate is a gift from us.
Leela: What?!
Fry: Huh?!
Blip #2: For real?!
Crud: There's been enough violence on these streets, too many lives and mirrors have been shattered, so yo, we sent you a crate o' weapons as a sign o' trust. Together, we can use them to rid our streets of the real enemy: giant spiders!
Fry: I knew it!

Leela and the Genestalk[edit]

Leela: Isn't it bad enough that I occasionally lay an egg? Now I have to become a squid too?!!

[Bender finds Finn and Jake from Adventure Time chained up on a wall]
Jake: What time is it?
Bender: Time for you to shut up!

Fry: I did it! I got a great deal on the ship!
Amy: Hooray! I knew you wouldn't let us down in any way.
Prof. Farnsworth: Well, how much did you get?
Fry: Two! Two magic beans!
Everyone yells in anger]
Prof. Farnsworth: Ooh! You sack of bags of buckets of idiots! There's no such thing as magic beans!
Fry: Oh. "Fry, you big dummy"?
Bender: Very much so.

Leela: Momsanto?
Mom: Yes, you've discovered my floating genetic engineering facility. Our experiments would be illegal on Earth, but up here, I'm above the law.
Larry: [laughs] Nice pun, Mother.
Mom: It's not a pun, it's a play on words! [slaps Larry]

Leela: Fine. Can I go now?
Mom: The only place you're going is nowhere. You've got some freaky DNA, and I want to see what's in your genes.
[Igner snickers]
Mom: Genes with a "G"! [slaps Igner]

[upon seeing the flying castle]
Fry: Whoa! Remember that mural on my cousin's van? It's like it came to life!
Bender: I keep telling you, we didn't grow up together.

[Fry and Bender are climbing the tower to rescue Leela. Adam West and Burt Ward appear from one of the windows]
Burt Ward: Holy Rapunzel, man-bat! There's a duo here to rescue us!
Adam West: How dynamic are they?
Burt Ward: Not very.
Bender: Go about your business, citizens.
Adam West: Well, back to being the subject of gruesome genetic experiments, old chum.

Game of Tones[edit]

Hermes: But what are those aliens tryin' to ask us? What do the tones mean?
Prof. Farnsworth: Isn't it obvious?
Hermes: Uh... No.
Prof. Farnsworth: Drat! I was hoping it was.

Seymour: [holding a martini in his paw] Philip. Have you lost weight?

Nibbler: Fry, you have once more done my people a great service. On my honor, I shall find a way to repay you.
Fry: Thanks. But no one can give me what I really want. [mopes]
Bender: I can't stand to see him like this. I'll push him off the roof.

Fry: The last thing I did was blow my noisemaker sarcastically to underscore my deep disappointment with life.

[Mrs. Fry is sitting on the couch watching the 2000 Rose Bowl. Fry appears.]
Fry: Hi, mom.
Mrs. Fry: Hi, Sweetie. You want some crackers and a slice of hat?
Fry: No, thanks. Listen, um I never got the chance to talk to you. Do you have a few minutes?
Mrs. Fry: Sure, honey, you're the most important thing in my life once this game is over.
Fry: What's the point? What good is it to talk to her in my own dream?
Announcer: [on TV] And that's it! Wisconsin has defeated Stanford What an occasionally exciting way to start the new millennium!
Fry: Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a second. I never saw that game. It happened after I got frozen. How can I be dreaming it in such detail?
[Nibbler appears]
Nibbler: Because this isn't your dream. It's your mother's dream.
Fry: Whoa, wh-what?
Nibbler: I told you we would reward you. Make it count, my friend.
[Nibbler leaves from the dream. Fry turns to his mother]
Fry: Mom? There's so much I need to say. Is it really you?
Mrs. Fry: Yes. I've dreamed about you a lot since you disappeared.
[They smile and embrace each other with tears in her eyes. Cut to Mrs. Fry in bed, tossing and turning. She wakes up and looks at a picture of Fry on the bedside cabinet. She smiles and goes back to sleep]

Murder on the Planet Express[edit]

Fry: Have you been using my toothbrush to polish your ass again?!
Bender: What?! Me? Bender the robot?!
Fry: There's metal flakes on it, and they look like ass flakes.
Bender: How dare you accuse me! I would never do something like that to a friend - every single night, while he's sleeping.
[Fry narrows his eyes and stares at Bender, in a manner similar to the Fry meme.]

Dan McMasters: Hello Planet Express! I'm Dan McMasters, and I'll be your retreat leader for a week of fun and personal empowerment!
Prof. Farnsworth: [annoyed] I hope you're happy!

Bender: Fry. You saved my ass out there.
Fry: Aw... I couldn't let anything happen to something that shiny.

Leela: It's time we solved this problem the old-fashioned way. By shooting it.

Fry: Okay, to see if you're the real Bender, I'm gonna ask you something only he would know. On your last birthday, what gift did I get you?
Bender: I don't remember.
Fry: Me neither.
Bender: Okay, I'll ask you one. What's the square root of 2,345.4?
Fry: That's not something I would know.
Bender: Oh, yeah. Your turn.
Fry: Um, what color is my shirt?
Bender: If I were the creature, I could just look at your shirt, dum-dum.
Fry: Good point.

Leela: I got the steering wheel. Leela and Amy! A winning combination.
Amy: Yay, Lamey!

Bender: Do something, Fry! [he accidentally breaks Fry's helmet and he begins to suffocate] Not that. Stop dying and fix my gyroscope. [shoves Fry into his compartment]
Fry: I don't even know what a gyroscope is. Wait, I have an idea.
[Fry moves around Bender's body and takes it over by wearing him like a suit]
Bender: Hey, you got me under control.
Fry: Fry and Bender! A winning combination.
Bender: Let's call ourselves Friender.
Both: [singing] Friender, Friender, Friender! Friender, Frender, Friender! Friender!

Stench and Stenchibility[edit]

Leela: [to Bender] You've accomplished so much more than most of us would bother to.

Zindy: I'm sorry, Zoidberg, I can't see you anymore. Something's come up. It's vomit.

[Zoidberg and Marianne lean in to kiss each other for the first time, but Zoidberg pulls away.]
Zoidberg: First, let me pinch myself to make sure I'm not dreaming! [He pinches his arm with his claw and cuts it open.] [screaming] Owch! I forgot I was a giant crab!

Meanwhile[edit]

Opening sequence: Avenge us.

Fry: I want this diamond right here.
Ultra Guy: Classy choice, Chief. She'll crap her pants.

[the series' last lines]
Professor: I've modded the device to release a single huge antichroniton blast. It should rip us out of stasis back to the instant before I conceived of the Time Button.
Fry: You mean we'll all get to live our lives over again?
Professor: Oh, my, yes. Even that nasty robot, what's-his-name. Of course, we won't remember anything that's happened.
Fry: [to Leela] What do you say? Want to go around again?
Leela: [taking his hand] I do.

Simpsons Crossover: Simpsorama[edit]

Lisa: Professor Farnsworth, I'm dying to know how you got here. Was it a time machine?
Professor Farnsworth: Little girl, time machines are physical impossibilities. We teleported from a singularity that I quantum-entangled to Bender under the guise of fixing his collar.
Professor Frink: Yes, but how did Bender get here?
Professor Farnsworth: With a time machine.
Lisa: But you just said that—
Professor Farnsworth: Sample's ready!

External links[edit]