Futurama/Season 7

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Futurama Season 7

Part 1[edit]

The Bots and the Bees[edit]

Leela: Aw, he's so cute. Wait, no, he isn't. He looks like Bender!

Amy: Didn't your mom ever tell you where robot babies come from?
Bender: No, she was a religious fundamentalist, plus she didn't have a mouth. It's an unusual combination.

Prof. Farnsworth: I hate to crush a boy's dreams, but... [upbeat] What the heck!

Bender: Awh, I'm gonna call him Ben, after the first half of me, Bender!
[Ben lets out a small, flaming burp.]
Bender: That's my bastard!

Hermes: That's it, Fry! For a guy who's not too bright, you're too damn bright!

Bender: There's a dam!
Ben: Damn!
Bender: There's a grate!
Ben: Great!

A Farewell to Arms[edit]

Fry: I hope you're not too mad at me, Leela. For tearing your arm off and all.
Leela: I can't be mad, I'm on way too many painkillers. Plus, you were willing to sacrifice yourself so I could live. I mean you failed miserably, but you're only person who loves me enough to try.

Prof. Farnsworth: What an idiot I was! And by "I", I meant "you"!

Richard Nixon's Head: Damn thing won't turn over, like Pat on Sunday morning.

Fry: My lucky pants!
Bender: They don't look so lucky to me.
Fry: They are too lucky! I was wearing them when I found a dime in my ear, when I got a free subscription to Redbook, and when I first met Leela.
Leela: Aw! Also, oh, Lord.
Fry: Also, they're my only pants.
Bender: You wore the same pants for a thousand years? No wonder they made a run for it.

Decision 3012[edit]

Linda: This is the first time a presidential candidate got to see his own birth live.

Bender: If you want my opinion, Nixon's only chance of beating Travers is with filthy lies, dirty tricks and good old Quaker thuggery. [the scene expands to reveal Bender is in the Oval Office with Nixon] And I'm just the guy for the job! [Bender and Nixon laugh evilly]
Bender and Nixon's Head: AROOO!

Chris Travers: Look, let's be honest here. No one likes taxes. But they pay for our basic needs. Roads, schools, defense. If we hope to realise our aspirations as a great planet, we must each pay our fair share to achieve those noble goals.
Morbo: Thank you, Senator. A thoughtful and lucid answer. You will be destroyed!!

Leela: This is crazy! You're from the future?
Chris Travers: Yes. I was sent back from the year 3028 to prevent Nixon from getting elected.
Fry: I was sent forward from the year 2000, but you don't hear me gassing on about it.

The Thief of Baghead[edit]

Hermes: Film? Who uses film? We've had digital cameras for a thousand years!
Bender: Digital? [spits] No digital camera can capture the warmth and grain o' good, ol' film.
Prof. Farnsworth: How can you even tell? Your eyes are digital cameras.

Leela: [to Calculon] Now, your only chance is a classic death scene, one with a lot of thy's and thou's.
Bender: Voíla! The tragic end of "Rome-o and Julie-t."
Leela: That's Romeo and Juliet, dummy...by will.i.am Shakespeare.

Zapp Dingbat[edit]

Zapp Brannigan: Very well. Morris, Munda, I now pronounce you man and wife. May I kiss the bride?
[Morris punches Zapp in the chest.]
Zapp Brannigan: Congratulations.

Zapp Brannigan: We're under attack and the wedding's off. Kif, return fire AND the cake.
Kif: [panicking] All systems are disabled and you can't return an ice cream cake!!

The Butterjunk Effect[edit]

[Leela gives Fry a long kiss.]
Leela: Keep your door unlocked tonight.
Fry: But McGruff the Crime Dog says... Oh!

Leela: Professor, there's nothing wrong with Nectar. It's all natural.
Prof. Farnworth: So are carrots, but you don't see me injecting them between my toes!
[He lights up a carrot and smokes it.]

[Amy and Leela continuously kiss Fry]
Hermes: Sweet orgy of Georgia! Have you girls gone wild?

Bender: With one-sixth gravity, you can work and be lazy at the same time! It's like being a voice actor!

Morbo: Once again, Eternliax the Immortal, dead, at the age of 26.

The Six Million Dollar Mon[edit]

Hermes: No more implants. I don't want to end up a cold, emotionless machine like you.

Zoidberg: You don't understand. He was the only one who cared enough to insult me.
Leela: I insult you, you fat sack.
Zoidberg: Sure, when it's convenient.

[Beats begin]
Leela: Zoidberg this makes no sense. Why are you helping him?
Bender: And what's with that catchy beat?
Zoidberg: I'll tell you, 2, 3, 4.
[singing] I was lonesome for my friend a minute ago.
When a happy thought dispelled my wall
And I fell perhaps he'd be a bit last doll
Little Hermes: If I sliced up his Cyborgs scull
Both: He wants a brain
Zoidberg: He wants a robot brain
Both: Another brain
Zoidberg: Let see if he fells pain
Both: A brand new brain
Zoidberg: It might drive him insane
Both: He wants a brain.
Zoidberg: He wants a robot brain
Both: wa uuuuuuuuuu wa wa uuuuuuuuu wa wa uuuuuuuuuu wa wa uuuuuuuu...
Amy: Does anybody else find it freaky that Zoidberg is singing harmony with himself?
Fry: Oh, loosen up, Amy!

Fun on a Bun[edit]

Prof. Farnsworth: For once, I thought it might be nice to do something in a social setting! Finally get to know each other. Why, I don't even know half your names! [Points to Fry.] You, boy! What do they call you?
Fry: Most folks just call me 'Orange Joe'.

Bender: Hey, Elzar! I've just recently started always having dreamt of being a sausage making champion

Zapp Brannigan: Foolproof and durable; it's designed to withstand the weight of a modern day elephant foot.
[A wooly mammoth tramples them, making Zapp drop the controller, which is crushed by the mammoth's foot, causing the drones to crash and explode.]

Bender: I enjoy getting drunk as much as the next fellow, but this sir, is Oktoberfest!

Free Will Hunting[edit]

Bender: Thanks to you, I went on a soul-searching journey. I hate those!

Bender: How does a robot join this monk outfit?
AbBot: Just put on this monk outfit.

Bender: I gotta mope things over for a while.
Fry: What's happening?
Leela: I don't know. I think he's shuffling off sadly in the distance.
Fry: Oh lord.

Bender: Life is about decisions. Make the wrong ones and you'll wind up face down in a pool of your own blood and urine.
Zoidberg: Still, to have your own pool!

Bender: It's been quite a journey. I dropped out of school, joined a gang, took money from a loan shark, and fell into a spiral of despair, addiction, and discount prostitution.
Hermes: Mon, you had one hell of a day.

Near-Death Wish[edit]

Leela: Fry, you're so confident and take charge on this trip! It's kind of a turn-on.
Fry: Not now, Leela, I'm trying to meet old people!

Zoidberg: It's so wonderful to meet the Professor's parents! [to Ned and Velma] Hello, my name is Dr. Zoidberg. I'm very important here.
Leela: Hey, Zoidberg! You forgot to empty this trashcan!
Zoidberg: [scared] Don't hit me!

Fry: Ahem!
Professor: Oh what? Oh yeah your award show? I'm sorry I couldn't make it but I had a very good reason!
Fry: Perhaps you'd favor us with it?
Professor: Sure my pleasure. I came down with a searing case of... who gives a crap?! HAHAHAHA!!

Leela: Hmmmm... Hats with wires on them. Are you sure this is safe?
Bender: It's not just safe; it's 40% safe.

31st Century Fox[edit]

Prof. Farnsworth: Fox news, everyone! I've decided to make the fox our new corporate mascot!

Fry: It's Bender's middle finger. I'd recognize this anywhere.

Viva Mars Vegas[edit]

Zoidberg: [prays] God, it's Zoidberg. I hate to bother you, but- [A huge bag full of money lands directly in front of him] Okay, okay, I'll shut up!

Zoidberg: Look out, penny slots, I've got a system! It's to put all my money in you!

Prof. Farnsworth: My God! He was so saturated with ink that his entire body structure was polarized!
Zoidberg: You mean I'm invisible?
Prof. Farnsworth: No, no, no, not in any sense of the word. But essentially, yes, entirely.


Salmon Hermes: Still, six of ten alive! That's considered good for our species.
Lobster Zoidberg: Five out of ten, also nice. [Takes a bit out of Scruffy]
Salmon Scruffy: Yep.

Salmon Hermes: Oh-ho I'm good! Who wants a piece of me?
Lobster Zoidberg: I'll try-a-bite! [Eats Hermes]

Bass Bender: (his dying words) Tell my kids I love me... very much.

Narrator: The isolated Galapagos Islands, a veritable pageant of evolutionary science – home to dozens of species found nowhere else, such as Darwin's Finches and the marine iguana.
Booby Zoidberg: Also, the Blue-footed Booby! That's fairly interesting. Note the blue coloration of the f—

Lonesome Hubert: Sad news everyone. I'm lonesome.

Beach-master Bender: Bite my freshly-molted, blubber-filled ass!
Seal Hermes: You're just a giant lump of fat. Do you even have an ass under there?
Beach-master Bender: I'm 40% ass.

Part 2[edit]

2-D Blacktop[edit]

Professor Farnsworth: That's it, you hoodlums! Your mouth just wrote a PayPal transfer request that your butt has insufficient funds to honor!
Racer: Yo. It is on! Before that it was off.

Amy: [upset] Do you think they're...dead?
Hermes: No, no. I choose to believe they're alive in some other dimension. Screamin' in agony. [Amy wipes away a tear.]
Amy: I hope so.

[In the 2D dimension, Leela and the Professor are sat at a table with a bowl of apples on it.]
Leela: Yum, apples! [She grabs a piece of apple and attempts to eat it.] Hey, how come I can't swallow?
Professor Farnsworth: Hmm, I guess it's because our two-ended digestive system can't exist in this dimension. I suppose that could be an issue. [Leela mumbles and spits the piece of apple out.]
Leela: I knew it! I knew he'd get us killed somehow!
[The Professor begins to type on a computer.]
Professor Farnsworth: As you can see, or rather can't see, but take my word for it, such a digestive system would divide a 2D being into separate pieces!

King of Flatbush: He's opening our minds to new ideas. Kill him!

Fry and Leela's Big Fling[edit]

[Amy approaches Zoidberg whilst dressed like a marmoset.]
Amy: I'm not sure this marmoset disguise is working...
Zoidberg: I'm not sure either. We better ask Amy!

Fry: An-and the robot hands would make you a strawberry shortcake any time of day. Four, seven, any time!
Hermes: No way!
Fry: I'm not lyin'!

Leela: Sean, I'd like you to meet Fry, he and I are... What would you say we are, Fry?
Fry: Nude and interrupted.

T.: The Terrestrial[edit]

Professor Farnsworth: Good news, everyone! I'm in terrible pain.

Kif: Sir, there's an Omicronian ship requesting safe passage home.
Zapp: Home, eh? That's where I live! Let 'em through the blockade.

Hermes: Five-O! Five-O!
Amy: Five what?
Hermes: Five Omicronians!

Leela: Bender. Do you know where Fry is? I haven't seen him since we got back from Omicron Persei 8.
Bender: Fry?! You... just missed him. He went out to buy you flowers. Whatever kind you like best. 'Cuz he loves you and crap.

Lrrr: Jrrr! How do I watch a funny on the YouTube?

Jrrr: Can you save him?
Drrr: I could, but he'd only live another 80 years at most. The humane thing is to put him to sleep.

Lrrr: What's happening? Why's his butt glowing?
Drrr: The electromagnetic intensity of the robot's friendship is causing the herbs in his bowels to bioluminesce with love. Probably.

Forty Percent Leadbelly[edit]

Ben Beeler: Using my fancy technology, I can make an exact copy of this guitar.
Bender: Tell me Doctor Beeler, will I need to threaten you?
Ben Beeler: Not at all! You see nowadays, we can take a unique and beautiful object, and easily reduce it to a formula for mass production! I call the process "Science"!

Ben Beeler: (in Bender's hard drive:) WOAH! That's a lot of porn!

Bender: I failed at my life-long dream again. How can I be so bad at everything I try, and still be so great?

Zoidberg: But, robot, you can't just make up a folk song like you can a medical diploma, they have to come from the heart!

The Inhuman Torch[edit]

Mayor Poopenmeyer: These boys must have hero in their bones, and you, ma'am, must have heroine in your veins.

Bender: Polar bears don't burn! I've tried many times!

Professor Farnsworth: We can have 4 idiots and a fat guy, but no arsonist!

Mayor Poopenmeyer: There is no fire department! I sold it to pay for Bender's medal!

Bender: I'll stay here and be in charge of 'not dying'

Zapp: But here we are, stealing an unlimited supply of birthday grade helium from the unsuspecting moon.
Kif: That's the sun.
Zapp: At night, its the moon.

Saturday Morning Fun Pit[edit]

[Richard Nixon is told to end cartoon violence]
Richard Nixon: Rosemary, have we got any type of machinery to edit tape?!
Rosemary: Oh you know we do!
Nixon: [attaches robotic arms to machinery under his head] Time for Dickie to get tricky! Rargh! [Puts cartoon video-tape in video player]
Singers: ♪ G. I. Zapp. G. I. Zapp, G. I. Zapp!♪
Announcer: G. I Zapp is the code name for an elite group of...[Nixon pushes edit button]
Nixon: Patriotic peacekeepers who rebuild schools with their bullet-sucking vacuum tanks. That's what they are...
Announcer: Today's episode:. Operation throat sl-...[Nixon edits]
Nixon: Banana split! What the hell kind of plane is that?!
Zapp Brannigan: Okay, G. I. Zapps. Today's mission is to parachute into Fort Weaponsworth and take back our shrapnel laser, which was stolen by our sworn enemy. The terrorist group known as ACRONYM.
Kif: Acronym...A Criminal Regiment of Nasty Young Men.
Nixon: Oh, that's clever...I'll leave that the way it is.
[ACRONYM soldiers line up at the Great Pyramids]
Farnsworth: [as a villain] I'll show those G. I Zapps once and for all when I fire this surface-to-air...[Nixon edits tapes]
Nixon: Warning shot!
Soldier: Excellent plan, Profestro. That'll blow them straight to he-...[Nixon edits tape]
Nixon: Church!
Zapp: Sound off as you jump! Freezerburn! [Jumps off plane]
Leela: Nutcracker!
Nixon: [editing] That's no name for a woman! Let's just call her uhh...Pat!
Fry: Waterboard!
Nixon: [editing] Helpful Johnny!!
Bender: Boxcutter!
Nixon: [editing] Powder puff!
GI Zapp Soldier: Orphan crippler!
Nixon: [editing] Uhhhhhh....pass...?
Kif: Incoming surface-to-air mi...
Nixon: [editing] Telegram! [A missile blows up the plane which crashes]
Kif: Tell my wife I...
Nixon: [editing] I'll be home for dinner! [plane crashes in desert turning into a fireball] I uh...landed the plane safely next to this naturally occurring fireball. At Disneyland. [an amputated arm with blood flies at the camera] Hi, Tinker Bell.
Farnsworth: [his soldiers aim cannons at the GI Zapps] Ready! Aim...f...[Nixon edits tape]
Nixon: NEGOTIATE!!! [The cannons fire. The GI Zapps drop grenades at the ACRONYM members] Uh, here comes a water balloon! [grenade explodes as men fly about moaning] That's quite a splash!
Fry: Uh, beam me up, Scotty. [He tosses an axe at an ACRONYM member]
Nixon: [editing] YAY! I caught it!
Fry: [a shot pierces his stomach] I'm hit! Oh God it h...
Nixon: [editing] Tickles!
Leela: Fry is d...
Nixon: [editing] Sleeping!
Leela: I will avenge him you heartless...
Nixon: BASTARDS!!! [grins evilly] It's okay when I say it!

[a rock is thrown into the White House shattering a window]
Nixon: Is that a rock? I hate rocks!

Farnsworth: [repetitive line] Just wait 'til I get my hands on those healthy purple berries!

[Nixon is editing a GI Zapp cartoon]
Leela: Die! Die! [uses a fire-log holder to choke an ACRONYM soldier]
Nixon: [editing] Just measuring you for a new hat. [a GI Zapp repetitively stabs a soldier] Three, four, cha-cha-cha. [Hermes is drowning a soldier] Find that apple. It's down there somewhere...[eventually the violence goes on and on. Nixon watches in disgust as explosions occur, gunfire is heard, screaming and fire shows up on the TV] Eeew...that's it! I'm pulling the plug! [Pulls plug off editer]

Calculon 2.0[edit]

[Fry and Bender are having a competition with the Robot Devil for Calculon's soul; with the Devil purposely trying to lose in order to get rid of the annoying Calculon]
Robot Devil: For Calculon's immortal soul, guess the number I'm thinking of.
Fry: Uhhhhhm...
Robot Devil: It's between one and three!
Fry: Four!
Robot Devil: No...between one and three, not including one or three.
Fry: "M"!
Bender: Is he right?
Robot Devil: [sarcastically] Yes, the number I was thinking of was the letter "M".

Calculon: Now, that's more like it. Always living wanting more. - That's the secret.
Robot Devil: Arrgh!!!
Calculon: So, what do you say, R.D.? Shall I dazzle the damned with a command performance of my one-man show?
Robot Devil: [screaming in despair] OH GOD!!!! HAVEN'T THEY SUFFERED ENOUGH!!!!????? [points to suffering robots in fire]

Fry: No! We like you and your big words, and we need you back on TV, so we can watch and not talk to each other. Our friendship depends on it!
Bender: [screaming] Your voice is so annoying!
Fry: [screaming] You always leave the toilet seat crushed!

Assie Come Home[edit]

Fry: Uhm, Leela, remember when we were trying to guess what would happen if someone stuck a gun in my face and you said I'd probably crap my pants? Well...

Leela and the Genestalk[edit]

Leela: Isn't it bad enough that I occasionally lay an egg? Now I have to become a squid too?!!

Game of Tones[edit]

Hermes: But what are those aliens tryin' to ask us? What do the tones mean?
Professor Farnsworth: Isn't it obvious?
Hermes: Uh... No.
Professor Farnsworth: Drat! I was hoping it was.

Murder on the Planet Express[edit]

Fry: Have you been using my toothbrush to polish your ass again?!
Bender: What?! Me? Bender the robot?!
Fry: There's metal flakes on it, and they look like ass flakes.
Bender: How dare you accuse me! I would never do something like that to a friend - every single night, while he's sleeping.
[Fry narrows his eyes and stares at Bender, in a manner similar to the Fry meme.]

Stench and Stenchibility[edit]

Leela: [to Bender] You've accomplished so much more than most of us would bother to.

Zindy: I'm sorry, Zoidberg, I can't see you anymore. Something's come up. It's vomit.

[Zoidberg and Marianne lean in to kiss each other for the first time, but Zoidberg pulls away.]
Zoidberg: First, let me pinch myself to make sure I'm not dreaming! [He pinches his arm with his claw and cuts it open.] [screaming] Owch! I forgot I was a giant crab!


Opening sequence: Avenge us.

Fry: I want this diamond right here.
Ultra Guy: Classy choice, Chief. She'll crap her pants.

[the series' last lines]
Professor: I've modded the device to release a single huge antichroniton blast. It should rip us out of stasis back to the instant before I conceived of the Time Button.
Fry: You mean we'll all get to live our lives over again?
Professor: Oh, my, yes. Even that nasty robot, what's-his-name. Of course, we won't remember anything that's happened.
Fry: [to Leela] What do you say? Want to go around again?
Leela: [taking his hand] I do.

Simpsons Crossover: Simpsorama[edit]

Lisa: Professor Farnsworth, I'm dying to know how you got here. Was it a time machine?
Professor Farnsworth: Little girl, time machines are physical impossibilities. We teleported from a singularity that I quantum-entangled to Bender under the guise of fixing his collar.
Professor Frink: Yes, but how did Bender get here?
Professor Farnsworth: With a time machine.
Lisa: But you just said that—
Professor Farnsworth: Sample's ready!

External links[edit]