Hey Arnold! (season 1)

Seasons: 1 2 3 4 5 | Main | Films: Hey Arnold!: The Movie / Hey Arnold!: The Jungle Movie

Hey Arnold! is an American animated television series that aired on Nickelodeon. The show centers on a fourth grader named Arnold, who lives with his grandparents in an inner-city tenement in Hillwood, Washington.

Downtown as Fruits/Eugene's Bike [1.01]

Voice: A here we go, a here we...

Helga: Arnold!

[Animal noises.]

Helga: Hey, Arnold!

[Boing noise, then shattering noises.]

Helga: Hey, Arnold! Arnold! Arnold! Arnold! Arnold! Move it, Football Head!

Kids: Hey, Arnold!

[Song ends, the creators of Craig Bartlett. The episode begins with Arnold daydreaming about surfing on a surfboard as some nearby dinosarus watched, until the daydream ends.]

Helga: Cut, cut! Hey, Arnold!

Arnold: Huh?

Helga: Get off the stage! [the kids laugh at Arnold] This isn't your scene!

Arnold: Oh, yeah. Sorry.

Helga: Amateur. Okay, let's pick them up from the dance of vegetables. A five, six, seven, eight... [the bell rings, the kids leaves, but Helga stops them] Not so fast.

Harold: Come on, Helga. We know our lines.

Helga: Know your lines? Of course you already know your lines. But I don't want to just hear your lines... I want to hear what's in your souls!

Curly: Do vegetables have souls?

Helga: That audience expects foods with feelings, and that's what we're gonna give 'em. Iggy, what's your motivation?

Iggy: I don't know. I'm a utensil.

Helga: Stinky, what's in your character's guts? [Stinky passes out] I thought so. You guys all bite. Okay, here's the deal. I want every kid here a half an hour early so we can do another run-through. If anybody's late, they're gonna have to answer to Old Betsy.

[The scene cuts to the boarding house where Arnold goes inside to change into his costume for the play.]

Monkeyman: I'm Monkeyman!

[Arnold comes out dressed up as a banana and Gerald dressed up as a strawberry.]

Gerald: Fruits! We had to be fruits! Why couldn't we be in the bread group, or beverages? I could've been a grape soda.

Arnold: Yeah, well we're fruits. And let's hurry or we'll miss the bus!

Gerald: Slow down! This strawberry really chafes.

[They get to the back of the bus.]

Gerald: Man, this is humiliating.

Arnold: This is nothing. In a few hours, the entire student body will be laughing at us. [the bus stops] I can't believe we have to do this. For Helga.

Gerald: I know. It's not fair. But there's nothing we can do about it. Nothing. Unless...

Arnold: Unless what?

Gerald: Let's just say we forgot to pull that cord, and we didn't get off at this stop, or the next stop, or the next! Hey, by the time we'd get back home, the play would be over.

Arnold: No, we couldn't do that. It would ruin the play.

Gerald: Well was it right for Helga to make fun of you during rehearsal?

Arnold: Well, oh, Gerald we gotta stop. We can't ruin the play.

[Arnold tries to pull the bus cord, but lets it go at the last second then the bus passes P.S. 118.]

Arnold: Well, maybe one more stop will be okay.

[The scene fades to the rehearsals.]

Helga: People, people! [she claps twice] Now remember, a play has a life of it's own. It's got to breathe. Every food group must build upon the group that came before it. First, the legumes...

Peapod Kid: Legumes? I thought we were beans.

Helga: You ARE, GENIUS! Then the meats, lusty and powerful. Then the fruits, they're... [notices Arnold and Gerald are not there] Hey, where are the fruits?

Phoebe: They're not here, Helga. They never showed up.

Helga: What? ARNOOOOOOOOOLD!!

Arnold: [across town on a bus] Did you hear something just now?

Gerald: No.

Arnold: Hey, how far does this bus go anyway?

Gerald: What difference does it make? When it gets the end of the line, we'll just ride it back again. The journey is the destination, man.

Arnold: What's that mean?

Gerald: I'm not sure. I heard it in a hippie movie.

[The bus engine shuts off.]

Arnold: Hey what's going on?

[They get off the bus.]

Gerald: Aw man, this is the end of the line.

Arnold: You and your hippie movies. Does this mean...?

Gerald: Yeah, we're stuck.

Arnold: Downtown.

Gerald: As Fruits.

Arnold: Now what?

Gerald: Hmm. I know. We'll call my Mom & Dad. They'll come pick us up.

Arnold: Good idea.

[They try to call his parents, but the pay-phone cord is cut.]

Gerald: Great, just great.

Arnold: Well, at least, let's get rid of these costumes.

Gerald: Uh, I can't.

Arnold: Why not?

Gerald: I didn't wear anything underneath.

Arnold: You didn't wear anything underneath?

Gerald: Well, polyester makes me sweat.

Arnold: Okay, so you have to stay a strawberry.

Gerald: Arnold, this is serious. We're stuck downtown, I'm a strawberry, and we don't have any money!

[A car comes up and throws them a bag.]

Morrie: Here you go.

Arnold: What's this?

Morrie: You know what it is. Just take it.

[They open up the bag and find some money.]

Arnold: Wow, people downtown sure are friendly.

Gerald: Let's go.

[Arnold and Gerald leave, then two men dressed like them come.]

Vic: He's 2 minutes late.

[They go to Roscoe's Funky Rags, and change their costumes, except Arnold has on his banana-shaped shoes.]

Gerald: You were right, Arnold. Those shoes really pull your look together.

Arnold: You hungry?

[They stop at Gino's Souvlaki Shack.]

Gerald: Does Souvlaki cover the four food groups?

Arnold: Who cares?

[They share a laugh. The scene cuts to the play.]

Harold: I'm a steak, juicy steak, full of fat and protein.

Eugene: I'm a ham, you know I am, and if you keep kosher, I'm not in your routine!

Helga: Psst! Psst! Stretch! Stretch! I can't believe this is happening. Do you know how hard I prepared for my role? I ate nothing but dairy products for two weeks! If I ever get my hands on that Arnold. I'll, I'll...

[She takes out her locket with a picture of Arnold on it.]

Helga: Soothe his fevered brow. Oh, my poor lost sweetheart, how I love you.

[We hear a crash, Harold is on top of the audience.]

Helga: And yet I hate you! And yet I love you. And yet I hate you! And yet I love you.

[She is interrupted by Brainy's breathing, and she punches him in the nose. Now we cut to Ernie's Pool Hall where we see Arnold and Gerald dancing on the pool tables.]

Arnold: Hey, waiter. Sodas for everyone. [the customers cheer] Rack 'em again, fat man.

Vic: Whaddya mean you gave it to the wrong banana?

Morrie: Um...

Vic: What did this other banana look like?

Morrie: You know, kinda small, kinda yellow, banana shoes... just like those. Hey!

Vic: Hey, you two!

[They chase Arnold and Gerald, until they make a getaway at Zamboni Jones Psychic Palace]

Zamboni: Who enters the realm of the Great Zamboni?

Arnold: Uh... I'm Arnold. This is Gerald.

Zamboni: Wait, wait! You're... you're Arnold, and... Gerald.

Gerald: Good guess.

Zamboni: Ha! Zamboni Jones does not guess, he knows. You have come to me with a problem.

Arnold: Yeah, we came downtown and at first everything was great. But... now it's all... gone wrong.

Zamboni: There is a disturbance in your karmic energy field. Hmm... is there someone you may have harmed in the past? Hmm? Someone you may have wronged?

[Gerald thinks in his head then we see...]

Helga: [crying] My play! My play! My beautiful play!

[Helga hits her head on a light pole as he says it. Then cut to reality.]

Gerald: Nope. Can't think of a soul.

Arnold: Gerald! You gotta be kidding. Think of Helga and her play and all the kids at school we're letting down.

Gerald: What's your point?

Arnold: Ugh... Come on, we got a karmic energy field to fix. Bye, Mr. Jones, thanks.

Jones: Hey, where's my $3.50? I should've foreseen this.

[Then they hail a taxi and go back to Roscoe's Funky Rags and get their costumes out of the dumpster, then they get back into the fruit costume, then they stop to give money to a family fixing a car.]

Woman: Wow! People downtown sure are friendly.

[Then they make their stop at P.S. 118.]

Helga: I'm ruined! Ruined! My future as a playwright is over!

[Phoebe looks at Helga with tears in her eyes.]

Helga: [clears throat] Ladies and gentlemen, there will be a small change in the fourth act. We won't be having it. It seems that some of our food groups are not as dedicated as the rest of us. But the show must go OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!

All: It's fruits, it's fruits, that really makes us toots. It's fruits, it's fruits, that give us all a hoot! It's not like other food groups aren't important. In fact, you need us all to make your fingernails and eyes and organs... It's fruits, it's fruits, you have to have your fruits. That's what the folks with scurvy say. 'Cause it's fruits, us fruits, that really makes us sing. [Arnold holds the last note]

Helga: Wait until I get my hands on you, Arnold, you... beautiful creature.

All: This is the end of our play!

[Helga frees her head from her costume, then Brainy releases the curtain rod and Helga is given a bouquet of roses. Helga sighs. The episode begins with Arnold daydreaming he is in an African forest where we see giraffes, zebras, elephants and cheetahs stampeding, he's trying to capture a butterfly and escape from several dangerous African predators in the wild, until the daydream ends. Gerald's voice is heard during it.]

Gerald: Hey, Arnold! Hey, Arnold. Arnold! What are you looking at? Hello, is anybody in there, man? Come on, we gotta crosswalk or we're gonna be late for school.

Arnold: Okay, right behind ya!

Billy: Hey, Arnold. Hey, Gerald. Wanna see my albino worm collection? I call this one Binky.

Arnold: Uh, no thanks, Billy.

Billy: Okay... but you don't know what you're missing.

Sheena: Look, you guys! I got a new scab. If you squint real hard, it looks like Texas.

Gerald: That's nice, Sheena.

Sheena: The crusty part's the Alamo.

Gerald: That's disgusting.

Brainy: Uh, nougats?

Arnold: None for me, I had a big breakfast.

Gerald: Well, folks, I think we've reached the end of our Dork Parade.

Arnold: Look, here comes Eugene.

[Eugene is shown riding on a bicycle towards the school.]

Gerald: I stand corrected. Am I seeing things?

Arnold: Nope, that's Eugene, all right. And he's riding a really cool bike.

[The kids chatter about Eugene's bike once he arrives.]

Gerald: What did you do, rob a bike store?

Eugene: No. It's Flag Day, and my family exchanges gifts. All my life I've wanted a bike like this. Look at it. Look at it, you guys! Shiny red frame, with little specks of metallic stuff on the paint. Lots of gears so I don't have to pump hard when I'm going up a hill. Big, thick tires so I can run over glass. It's the one thing I've wanted more than anything else. More than incredible wealth. More than world peace. It's my dream bike, you guys. My dream bike. And I finally got it. There's just one thing it needs to make it perfect.

[Eugene takes a baseball card from his pants, and puts it on the bike's front wheel with a clothespin, and proceeds to ride around in it once more.]

Gerald: I guess every dork has his day.

Arnold: Yeah.

[Eugene puts a lock on his bike, but it falls off easily. At the same time, Arnold notices his left shoelaces are untied, and places his books on the seat of a bicycle near the others.]

Arnold: Wait here a second, Gerald.

[The books fall, and cause every single bike to fall down, which Arnold notices halfway through tying his shoe. As Eugene's bike was at the end, it flies from the others into the air, where it falls on the paved road. It's damaged by a street cleaner. Eugene sees this, and approaches his now destroyed bicycle.]

Eugene: My bike.

Arnold: I'm really sorry, Eugene. I don't know what to say.

Eugene: My bike.

Gerald: I think it's history, Eugene.

Eugene: My bike!

Arnold: It was an accident, Eugene. I'm really really sorry.

[Eugene lets out a very loud scream. Afterwards, Farcus the janitor is about to throw it in the school's garbage.]

Eugene: No, no, no! Please! No, not my bike! No! No, please! Not my bike! Please!

Arnold: Man. I feel terrible about this, Gerald.

Gerald: Look, Arnold. Wasn't your fault, stuff like this always happens to the geeky kids. Of all the kids in the school, Eugene's gotta be the geekiest.

Billy: You can say that again. Hey, where's Binky? Binky? Anybody see my Binky?

[It turns out Binky was just stepped on by Helga.]

Helga: Ew.

[Later, it's raining during recess. Arnold tries to retrieve the bike from the garbage, and succeeds. He works on it after school in his room. The next day, Eugene's refurbished bike is on the sidewalk.]

Eugene: Wow, Arnold. It's beautiful.

Arnold: Thanks. It is kinda nice, isn't it?

Eugene: Nice? Heck, it's better than ever. You didn't have to do this, Arnold.

Arnold: Yeah, but I wanted to.

Eugene: Wow, Arnold. You're a pal. I'm gonna take it for a ride right now.

Arnold: Wait, don't forget this.

[Arnold places the baseball card from earlier on Eugene's bike, and Eugene continues his ride.]

Arnold: Have a good ride, Eugene! Hey, Abner! What you got there? The break cable. The break cable? Eugene!

Eugene: Wee! I'm a bird, I'm a plane, I'm...

[Eugene notices an open car door. Just then, his bike starts falling apart.]

Eugene: About to be hurt very badly.

[Soon after, he crashes into the car door. He is now in the hospital, with numerous bandages on his body. Someone knocks on the door.]

Eugene: Come in.

Arnold: Hey, Eugene.

Eugene: Oh, hi, Arnold. Thanks for coming.

Arnold: Listen, Eugene. I'm really sorry.

Eugene: What do you mean, Arnold? You didn't do anything. It's just something that happened, that's all.

Arnold: Well, I brought you some candy to make it up to you.

Eugene: Oh, that's nice of you, Arnold, but really, you didn't have to.

Arnold: Here, let me help you.

[The box of chocolates hits a lever, which causes Eugene to be heightened in mid-air on his casts.]

Eugene: Yeowwwwww!

Arnold: Oh, no. I'm sorry! Here, let me take this.

[Arnold grabs the object holding Eugene's casts, but only makes things worse by causing Eugene to circle around the room on it.]

Eugene: Help, help!

Arnold: Man, I'm sorry!

[Eugene lets out a scream as he returns to his bed, thanks to Arnold putting the lever in the proper position.]

Arnold: Listen.

Eugene: No! No. Arnold, please. You don't have to, please. Just sit down there, right over there.

[Arnold sits in a chair far away from Eugene.]

Eugene: Good.

Arnold: Look, Eugene. Somehow, I'm going to make it all up to you. I don't know how, but I'm gonna do it. You'll see.

[Arnold leaves the room.]

Eugene: What a guy.

[The door slam on Eugene's door causes the 9 to become a 6.]

P.A. Announcement: Here it is. 336, tonsillectomy. Let's do it.

[At home, Arnold is laying down on his bed, thinking of what his classmates have said of Eugene.]

Helga: He's a dork. He's a real dork.

Gerald: Yeah, stuff like this always happens to the geeky kids.

[Flashback, Arnold then remembers Eugene, himself and others in preschool using an Etch-a-Sketch. He's on the teeter-totter with Eugene.]

Young Gerald: Arnold, come quick! Hawold just wipped his pants wide open!

[Arnold then abandons Eugene to see Harold. He then recalls himself and the others in a previous grade.]

Young Helga: Hey, Arnold! Shake hands with Mr. Crab!

[Arnold smacks the crab away with his hand, which happens to fall on Eugene's head, and the class laughs at him.]

Eugene: Ow, ow, ow!

[Finally, Arnold is shown using paste to make art while Eugene is making a cake. He sets the paste right next to Eugene's icing, which causes Eugene to have paste stuck on his mouth, much to his classmates humor and Arnold's horror. Arnold then returns to the present time and stops drawing on his Etch-a-Sketch.]

Arnold: Every dork deserves his day. And now I'm gonna give that dork his day.

[The next day, Arnold knocks on Eugene's door.]

Eugene: Oh, hi there, Arnold.

Arnold: Eugene, what happened to your voice?

Eugene: I don't know, there was some kind of mix-up. They took my tonsils out by mistake.

Arnold: That's terrible.

Eugene: No, not really. You don't need 'em anyway. I kinda wish they would have left my spleen, though.

Arnold: Listen, Eugene. I just want you to know I'm sorry for everything. The teeter-totter, the crab, the paste.

Eugene: Huh? I don't know what you're talking about.

Arnold: But I've figured out a way to pay you back. I'm gonna take you out for a wonderful day where nothing bad happens at all. One entire day. Just you and me, nonstop, full-on, action packed fun!

Eugene: Gee, Arnold, that sounds neat.

Arnold: Great! I'll be here to pick you up first thing tomorrow morning. And don't forget to wear your fun clothes!

Eugene: That Arnold, he just keeps giving and giving.

[A montage plays of Arnold and Eugene's day out. Arnold has gotten two front row tickets to a baseball game. The first unfortunate happening of the day is when Eugene falls into the sewer, when Arnold helps him back up. At Quigley Stadium, they watch Spuds McGee, the baseball player on Eugene's card, hit a home run. The ball approaches Eugene, who tries to catch it with a glove, but it ends up hitting his head. Now with bandages on his forehead, Eugene and Arnold play with pigeons, ride on the water and look at sculptures and murals in the park. After seeing a hot dog stand, the two decide to get their own hot dogs; however, Eugene begins choking on his hot dog. The hot dog vendor gives Arnold a Heimlich Maneuver pamphlet, which teaches Arnold how to do it. Arnold manages to stop Eugene from choking, but the hot dog bounces back to Eugene, where it hits him in his right eye. Now with an eyepatch, he and Arnold sightsee using binoculars. However, Eugene falls into the ocean due to his being loose. Back on the street, Eugene throws up into the water.]

Arnold: Sorry, Eugene. I guess we shouldn't have taken that fairy ride.

[A seasick Eugene continues puking.]

Eugene: Oh, that's okay. You couldn't have known I get motion sickness.

Arnold: Oh, Eugene, I'm really sorry. All I wanted to do was pay you back for all the trouble I've caused you. But everything seems to go wrong. I guess this wasn't such a good day after all.

Eugene: Are you kidding me, Arnold? I ate hot dogs in the park, I almost caught a home run ball hit by Studs McGee! I watched the sun set on the river. And I even got to swim in the river; by accident, sorta. I had a great time! You know, nobody's ever done anything like this for me before.

[A bus approaches the two, and Eugene is about to get on it.]

Eugene: I don't know how I'll ever be able to thank you enough. This has been one of the best days I've ever had!

[Just then, the door on the bus closes, leaving Eugene's already injured hand outside of the bus.]

Eugene: Ow! See you later, Arnold. Uh, excuse me. Mr. Driver, sir?

[The bus drives away, and it leaves Eugene's Spuds McGee card behind.]

Arnold: Hey, Eugene! Nah, I'll give it to you tomorrow.

[The episode ends and the credits roll, followed by the Snee-Oosh Inc. and Games Animation Inc. logos. For international prints, the Distributed by Nickelodeon International Inc. logo also follows.]

The Little Pink Book/Field Trip [1.02]

Helga: Why? Why did I sign my name? I was too bold. Those poems weren't meant to be seen until I am dead and buried and worms have consumed my flesh. Arnold must NEVER see that last page!

Helga: [referring to Arnold's room] I'm in his room, the place I have often visited in my dreams.

Helga: Ohh My gosh what is that shampoo?

Arnold: So far, we know our suspect is female, lives in the tri-state area, and is somewhere between the ages of eight... and eighty-seven.

Gerald: [sarcastically] Oh, we're doing good...

Helga: First spitball of the day football head.

Gerald: Looking like a field trip ha, Arnold?

Arnold: Huh? Oh, are we in the Aquarium yet?

Gerald: Not yet.

[Harold hits Eugene with a spitball]

Gerald: Well, we better get there soon, everybody's getting kind of restless.

Arnold: Awesome.

Harold: Look, I'm a whale. [drinks a sip of milk and spits it out through his nose]

Guard: [taunting the animals at the aquarium] Here, have a cookie. Ha-ha, you tossed your cookies!

Arnold's Grandma: Go! You're free, run like the wind!

Arnold's Hat/Stoop Kid [1.03]

Helga: I need that cute, stupid, football head's hat! Oh....Did I just say that out loud?

Miriam: Helga? The door's locked, honey, what are you doing in there?

Helga: Nothing.

Miriam: Oh... okay.

Helga: All I wanted was the hat... and world domination, but for right now, just the hat. Is that too much to ask?

Gerald: Arnold! Hey Arnold! The Jolly Olly man's gone insane! He's passing out free ice-cream! Come on down!

Arnold: No! I'm not coming down without my hat! Ever! For the rest of my life!

Gerald: Okay. More ice-cream for me.

Helga: Out of my way, Fat Boy!

Helga: Did you happen to see a collection of seemingly useless junk randomly arranged behind a curtain in my closet for no apparent reason?

Miriam: Ah huh, dear. I threw it all out.

Helga: WHAT!?

Marty: Woo! Arnold! Man! Did anybody ever tell you you look like some kind of sun bronzed Greek god these days?

Helga: Ewwwww who said you could touch Me!

Helga Are you trying to make me sick or something?

Helga: I will never wash these clothes again. [Splattt!] Ewww!

Gerald: He'll chase you down and pulverize you.

Arnold: How can he if he never leaves his stoop?

Gerald: Arnold, you're bold. Bold and crazy.

Harold: Hey, Stoop Kid, are you gonna cry for your mommy! [laughs]

Stoop Kid: Hey, come back here, you fatboy!

People: Stoop Kid's afraid to leave his stoop! Stoop Kid's afraid to leave his stoop!

Stoop Kid: I think I can! I think I can!

Helga's Makeover/The Old Building [1.04]

Arnold: Helga's a girl.

Gerald: She is? Glances at Helga Oh, yeah, I always forget.

Singing Harold: Helga's not a girl, Helga's not a girl! [Boys repeat Harold singing "Helga's Not a Girl"]

Helga: That's it... [hits Sid with a baseball glove] you're... dead! [Harold screams] COME BACK HERE, YOU BEAST!

Arnold: You know what, Gerald?

[The sudden crash is heard]

Helga: Not girl enough, humph, what a bunch of crap, I am too a girl, I'm pretty, I'm feminine, I'm delicate.

[Helga bumps into someone who's a man]

Man: Oh, excuse me, young man.

Helga: I'm a GIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRL!

Cashier: Yeah, um, how much is this magazine to make ugly girls look pretty?

Sid: I just saw Helga on her way to Rhonda's party and she was all dolled up... LIKE A GIRL!

Helga: You're right, Rhonda, I'm not like rest of you, I'm not wearing a mask, I mean, look at us, tin foil in our hair, glop on our faces, high-heeled shoes? Why are we wearing them? We're already taller than the boys!

[The sudden crash was heard.]

Rhonda: Did you hear something?

[Kids scream]

Harold: The horror, The horror!

Helga: [to Harold] COME BACK HERE, YOU CHICKEN LOB/FLOP! [Girls evil laugh at Harold.]

Arnold: No, you see, I told Grandma I’d help save the same building I told Ernie I’d help destroy!

6th Grade Girls/The Baseball [1.05]

Tommy: [in an Italian New York accent] Hey, Maria, come over here!

Maria: Hey vato, why don't you come over here?

Tommy: Just come over here!

Maria: Come over here!

Tommy: Aw, forget you!

Maria: Forget you!

Mickey Kaline: [to Arnold] Y'know, kid, since I was seven years old the only thing I ever wanted to do was play baseball. I loved every minute of it. From the first time I played catch with my dad to the home run I hit this afternoon. And, well... thanks, kid.

Heat/Snow [1.06]

Lana Vail: Arnold... a little cold air. Is that so much to ask? Is it?

[Arnold sighs and walks into the kitchen, where most of the boarders are gathered around the air-con]

Grandma: I can't stand it, Arnold. It's hotter than blazes! I'm a grandma with a husband, a young grandson, and a boarding house full of people to be responsible for.

Arnold: [thinking] This heat is so crazy, it's got Grandma acting normal.

Ernie: I'm telling you, one good shot with my wrecking ball, and we could get ourselves some grade-A cross ventilation going here!

Grandpa: Nobody's knocking down any walls, you hotheaded loony! This thing's keeping us plenty cool enough.

[The air-con promptly breaks down]

Oskar: Oh, great! What is this, a brownout or what?!

Ernie: Could you do something?! I'm melting here!

Grandpa: Now, now, everyone calm down. In these modern times, there's always a smart high-tech solution to problems like these... Arnold, run down to the store and get us some ice.

Eugene: I'll take a snow cone.

Jolly Olly Man: $18

Eugene: All I have is seventy cents, what will that get me?

Jolly Olly Man: [laughs] Nothing!

The Jolly Olly Man: Haven't you ever heard of supply and demand?

Helga: Well, I demand that you supply me with some ice cream, before I knock your teeth out!

Kids: [repeatedly] No ice cream, no peace!

[the residents are moaning about the furnace breaking]

Grandpa: You call this cold? You should have been here in the winter of 49!

Mr Hyunh: I don't care, I was in Vietnam in 1949... plus I was not born yet!

Grandpa: That's the problem with society today.

Arnold: What, we got no work ethic?

Grandpa: No, you got no play ethic!

Operation Ruthless/The Vacant Lot [1.07]

Arnold: [practicing] Hi Ruth. Hi Ruth. Hi Ruth.

[as they are about go into the Tunnel of Love]

Harold: I don't want to go into the Tunnel of Love with you Rhonda!

Rhonda: Oh I know you like me Harold! [as she grabs him in the ride and as they head off into the Tunnel of Love]

Harold: I do not! HELP! LET ME GO! LET ME GOOOOOOO!

Helga: Make way! Shove over, sister. Checks boy line This is perfect. A little maneuvering and I'll be riding a swan with Arnold while Ruth winds up with some dumb slob. Laughs Helga, you're a genius. Crashes into a girl Shove over, sister!

The List/Haunted Train [1.08]

Gerald: The list for a kid's perfect Saturday: watch every cartoon from Six AM 'til Dance Craze, while eating three bowls of sugar chunk cereal; ride your bike down the steepest hill in the neighborhood, and you all know which one that is; play catch with every kid in the park; and finally, go to the movies and sit through it three times!

Guy on TV: Mutant robots from outer space, spitting bacteria that eat your face... TV melts

Grandpa: Hmmm... looks like I got the 220 mixed up with the 660.

Arnold: Brainy? What are you doing here?

Brainy: Um. wheeze Something.

Arnold: There is no haunted train.

Grandpa: Well, now I didn’t say that.

Mugged/Roughin' It [1.09]

Grandma: Be as the frog in the pond, Arnold.

Arnold: [Into a mirror] Hey! You talkin' to me? You... talkin' to me?

Grandpa Phil: No, I didn't say anything.

Arnold: Hey, leave those kids alone.

Mr. Hyunh: How big was this punk?

Arnold: Big.

Mr. Hyunh: Big punk?

Arnold: Big.

Mr. Hyunh: Big huh?

Grandpa: Oh, simmer down, you hot-headed loony!

Mugger: Give me your purse, Granny!

Grandma: He can have it. It's just a purse, you know.

[on a camping trip, Grandpa is showing Arnold and Gerald survival skills. Gerald is eating red berries. Arnold is eating green berries]

Grandpa: Now remember, only do this under adult supervision. Red and sweet are good to eat, but I swear by this sonnet, green will make you vomit.

Arnold: [swallows] I thought it was green and sweet are good to eat.

Grandpa: No, I've been saying it all morning. Red and sweet. Red and sweet.

Arnold: Excuse me a minute. [Arnold runs off screen and vomits]

Grandpa: [sarcastically] You're vomiting, aren't you, Arnold?

Grandpa: Everything in nature is beautiful. Unless it's ugly.

[On a hike through the woods]

Big Bob Pataki: Ugh! Now the sun's going down. It's getting kind of cool up here. I think I should turn off this mis... [Turns knob and it explodes, sending Bob into a tree. Helga, Phoebe, Gerald, and Arnold ran up to Bob.]

Phoebe: Are you okay, Mr. Pataki?

Big Bob Pataki: Am I okay?! LOOK AT ME! The food's gone, my neck's burn, the mister doesn't work, and to top it all off — WE'RE LOST!

Helga: Lost?! I thought you knew where we were!

Big Bob Pataki: I've been lost ever since we saw those signs in Spanish.

[after the pathfinder breaks]

Big Bob Pataki: Cheap piece of junk. I'll sell thousands of them.

Arnold: [using his instincts] Camp, should be right... there! [the group cheers happily] But we've got to follow this path around because...

Big Bob: Forget the path, kid! Camp's right there! [runs through the tall bushes alone and back into the camp cheering to himself]

Arnold: I was just going to say, because that's poison ivy.

Door #16/Arnold as Cupid [1.10]

Gerald: So I hear you got a package for that secret guy, Mr. Smith.

Arnold: Yeah, and I alone have been shouldered with the weighty responsibility of it's safety.

Gerald: Cool, let's open it.

Oskar: But Suzie, where am I going to sleep?

[Suzie throws sleeping bag and teddy bear at Oskar]

Oskar: Arnold, I can't believe how handsome you're getting, the way your body's growing to match the unusual shape of your head.

Oskar Kokoshka: [about to bet Arnold's CD player during a poker game] Don't worry, Arnold, there's no way I can lose. [next frame] I can't believe I lost.

Oskar Kokoshka: You keep the money.

Suzie Kokoshka: What did you say?

Oskar Kokoshka: You keep the money.

Suzie Kokoshka: Oh, Oskar! That's the most beautiful thing you've ever said to me.

Oskar Kokoshka: "You keep the money"?

Arnold's Christmas [1.11]

Gerald: [to Arnold] What you did, that's the real meaning of Christmas, man.

[Olga is playing the piano, while Big Bob and Miriam sing "Jingle Bells".]

Big Bob and Miriam: [singing] Oh! what fun it is to ride! / In a one-horse open sleigh!

[Bob and Miriam laugh, as Helga sits on the couch.]

Big Bob: Oh, give me another eggnog.

Miriam: Helga! Where have you been all day?

Helga: Out, Miriam.

Miriam: Honey, you look depressed. Why don't you open one of your presents now? [Helga opens the box] Merry Christmas!

Helga: Oh my gosh! Nancy Spumoni signature snow boots! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh!

Miriam: I stood in line for 18 hours to get these Helga, I swear they must be the last pair in the city.

Helga: Wow. Thanks Mom, I wanted these more than anything, anything in the whole wide world! I gotta try 'em out!

[Helga goes out with the snow boots and dances around, until Helga accidentally drops Mr. Bailey's list.]

Helga: Oh, criminy. Not another moral dilemma! [sighs] Okay, on the one hand, I got what I wanted for Christmas. I'm happy, and that's really all that matters, right? But, on the other hand, I finally discovered the one perfect thing Arnold wants for Christmas, and through a truly bizarre quirk of fate, it's these same snow boots. I could give them up and give Arnold what he wants, but then I wouldn't have anything. And these snow boots are really boss! Ohh, what's the right thing to do?

[Arnold is laying on this bed, defeated. Mr. Bailey is leaving the government office for the night when Helga appears and hands him a pair of snow boots that were on his shopping list.]

Helga: Here they are, pal: one pair of Nancy Spumoni snow boots! Now turn those lights back on! We've got a missing person to locate!

Mr. Bailey: [Bewildered] Are you kidding? I'm going home. It's Christmas Eve, for crying out loud!

Helga: Can't you see? It's not about snow boots, it's not about flashy, expensive presents or getting yours before the other guy gets his! It's about showing people you really care about them! And most of all, it's about a funny football-headed kid with a good heart but no sense of reality whose entire world view is at stake!

Mr. Bailey: Look, kid. I appreciate your little holiday speech and all that, but it's late. And I'm going home, now.

[Mr. Bailey walks down the stairs and attempts to hail a taxi home.]

Helga: For Pete's sake, are you that cold? Look into your heart. Now we've got a choice: either you and I work all night to find a certain lost daughter or you can leave now. But if you leave now, that little football-headed kid will never believe in miracles again.

[Mr. Bailey is about to leave on a cab, but thinks over Helga's words and has a change of heart. Kids are cheering and playing in the snow. Grandma lets Gerald in. Oskar and Grandpa laugh.]

Gerald: Merry Christmas man.

Arnold: Merry Christmas, Gerald.

[Both of them turn to look at Mr. Hyunh, who is staring at the fireplace. They look at each other sadly.]

Grandpa Phil: All right, this one's for Oskar.

Oskar Kokoshka: Eh heh heh heh! I'm so excited! I'm going to open my Christmas present now! Everybody look, what can it be? [pulls out a bag of coal] Coal? It looks like a bag of coal. Who would give me a bag of coal on Christmas?

Ernie: Wasn't me.

Grandpa Phil: Well, I guess that's everybody. Merry Christmas!

Ernie: Hey, woah, woah, wait a minute! What about Mr. Hyunh? He didn't get a present.

Grandpa Phil: That's right. There should be a present for Mr. Hyunh here somewhere... [Arnold sulks] That's funny, there's nothing here for Mr. Hyunh!

Mr. Hyunh: It's all right! I don't need a present! It's nothing!

Arnold: Wait! I have something to tell you. [the doorbell rings]

Grandpa Phil: Oh, now who could that be!? I'm coming, I'm coming! Lousy yuletide pranksters...

[Sad music plays, while Mr. Hyunh looks at the fireplace, and Arnold and Gerald look at him. The door is heard closing, and Grandpa brings Mai in.]

Mai: Ba...

[Mr. Hyunh turns in shock]

Mai: Father?

Mr. Hyunh: Mai? I can't believe it! Mai, is it really you? Look at you. Everyone, this is Mai, my daughter!

Mai: Hello, everyone.

Arnold: Merry Christmas, Mr. Hyunh.

Mr. Hyunh: Mai. Trời, ba nhớ con qúa. [goodness, father missed you so much]

Grandpa Phil: Well, I guess Mr. Hyunh got his present after all! [to Grandma] And I thought she was a yuletide prankster.

Gerald: Well, I guess miracles can happen after all.

Arnold: Yeah, but... how did it happen, Gerald? I mean, it doesn't make sense.

Gerald: Don't try to make sense out of it, Arnold. A miracle's a miracle, and that's all there is to it. Maybe you got a... Christmas angel looking out for you or something.

Arnold: A Christmas angel? Yeah, maybe.

[Helga is outside the boarding house, standing in the snow.]

Helga: [whispering] Merry Christmas, Arnold.

[The episode ends and the credits roll, followed by the Snee-Oosh Inc. and Games Animation Inc. logos. For international prints, the Distributed by Nickelodeon International Inc. logo also follows.]

Benchwarmer/Cool Jerk [1.12]

Coach Wittenberg: Pass the ball to Tucker!

Coach Wittenberg: Excellent pass to Tucker, Arnold — You don't even have to dribble, just pass it to Tucker!

Helga: [to Harold being hit by a dodgeball] You're fine, Rudolph.

Gerald: My buddy says Frankie G. is bad news.

Frankie: See you tomorrow, Arnold.

Arnold: See ya, Frankie.

Gerald: There something I don't like about that Frankie G guy.

Arnold: Well maybe you're just bummed cause there's actually someone around cooler than you for a change.

Frankie: I said I like you, kid! You got potential!

Arnold: You want my pencil?

Gerald: Fuzzy Slippers tells no lies man.

Gerald: Who'd you say was the coolest again?

Arnold: You're a Bold kid, Gerald.

Gerald: Wait a minute. That's my line.

Das Subway/Wheezin' Ed [1.13]

Arnold: We could take the crosstown bus.

Helga: You mean that one?

[The bus goes right by them without stopping]

Harold: Well, we could walk.

Helga: WALK?! It'll take days! We'll freeze to death! We'll be eaten by pigeons, or worse... eaten by RATS! [shudders] I hate rats!

[about riding the subway]

Gerald: Sun goes down, stay above ground.

Helga: There is no way I'm taking the subway. [next frame] I can't believe I'm taking the subway.

Gerald: The train stopped!

Helga: No kidding, Einstein.

Grandma: [on the stuck subway car] I'm the only ex-cop in this town brave enough to take on this job.

Hobo: [Repeated line] GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!

Claustrophobic Woman: [repeating over and over] Big open spaces.

Conductor: [through PA system calmly] Passengers, it may just be a matter of minutes or hours [panicking] OR DAYS OR WEEKS [calmly] before the search and rescue team finds our [panicking] FORGOTTEN EXTRACTED SUBWAY CAR...

Grubby man: Wait a minute! Wait a minute, everybody! I got something to say!

Helga: We know. We know.

Everyone: Get out of your house.

Grubby man: No, no, not that. I got something else to say.

Harold: [finding a jelly bean] Praise Thor the thunder god!

Arnold: Brainy? What are you doing here?

Brainy: Um... [wheezes] something.

[Vic and Morrie catch the kids in their store of forged pennies]

Vic Hey, you punks! What do you think you're doing?!

[Kids gasp]

Sid: [screams] IT'S WHEEZIN' ED! And... AND SOME OTHER GUY!

Tutoring Torvald/Gerald Comes Over [1.14]

Ms. Slovak: You're 13 years old and you're still in fourth grade!

Ms. Slovak: Torvald, what's 3×3?

Torvald: Uh, 33?

Gerald: [to Arnold] Do me a favor, Arnold, if he hits you, just lay down and stay down.

Torvald: Look, Arnold, I got a C!

Timberly: Hey, look! I'm Timberly the Pink Ranger!

Arnold: Okay, Gerald, we're almost there. Now at times the things you see may confuse or even frighten you. But just remember, everyone is essentially harmless.

Gerald: Arnold, relax. I've been here before. Besides, how weird can your house be?

Gerald: [about Ernie] Man, he was creepy.

Arnold: Ya, and he likes you.

Arnold: [As Susie's throwing all her stuff into the hall] Stand by for pottery!

Timberly: Hey, look! I'm Timberly the Pink Ranger!

Arnold: Okay, Gerald, we're almost there. Now at times the things you see may confuse or even frighten you. But just remember, everyone is essentially harmless.

Gerald: Arnold, relax. I've been here before. Besides, how weird can your house be?

Gerald: [about Ernie] Man, he was creepy.

Arnold: Ya, and he likes you.

Arnold: [As Susie's throwing all her stuff into the hall] Stand by for pottery!

Spelling Bee/Pigeon Man [1.15]

Arnold: [practicing his spelling] Phlegm. P-H-L-E.....um......

Grandpa: [walks in] G-M, Phlegm! When you get to be my age, that's a word you use a lot.

Emcee: Your word is "qualm".

Bob: [having seen everything] Qualm? She's heard that story a million times. She's got it. She's got it!

Helga: Let's see. Qualm. Q-U-A-L...

[she suddenly notices her father rooting her on]

Bob: You got it!

Helga: [shrugs] X?

[BUZZER]

Bob: WHAT?!

Emcee: That is incorrect. Arnold is the new champion.

Stinky: [About Pigeon Man] Does he bite?

Pigeon Man: Some people are meant to be with people, and others, like me, are just different.

Pigeon Man: Remember, Arnold, always wash your berries before you eat them. And fly towards the sun.

Olga Comes Home/Sally's Comet [1.16]

Helga: To change the grades... or not to change the grades... that is the question....

Helga: Stuck in her shadow, sweet revenge... stuck, revenge.... no contest Helga decides to redo Olga's grades

Olga: [after getting a B plus] I can't believe. I— I've never even gotten an A-minus!

Helga: Well, you know what they say. The older you get, the brain cells are the first to go.

Big Bob: [about Olga] She can't be moping all day.

Miriam: Yes she can... I do.

Helga: [eating chocolates] One for Helga... none for Olga.

Arnold: I don't know, Helga. I've always wanted to have a brother or a sister. I always thought those relationships were kinda special.

Helga: Yeah, well, what do you know? Olga is evil. She's a pompous, overbearing, arrogant witch. Only, this time, I've got her beat.

Arnold: Okay. Forget I mentioned it.

Helga: [on Arnold's advice] If only I could be that kind... but I'm not, so that's that.

Helga: [on her parents' concern for Olga] Even when she's out of the way, she still ruins everything for me. Helga slams door on Olga Ah, much better.

Helga: [in fantasy sequence] What's it like to fly?

Arnold: the Angel It's OK.

Helga: [after telling the truth, and now it's back to the parents praising Olga and punishing Helga] Everything's back to normal, bucko.

Olga: You must think I'm pretty lucky, all the attention I get from Mom and Dad. I have to be perfect all the time and perform like some kind of wind-up doll. I get really sick of it. You're lucky that they don't even notice you.

Helga: Thanks.

Olga: Hey, what are sisters for?

Helga: I don't know.

Olga: Tomorrow let's spend the day together, just you and me.

Abner, Come Home!/The Sewer King [1.17]

Arnold: [to Abner at night] Y’know boy, you’re more fun than a hundred dogs put together.

Arnold: [on Abner] Must be getting a drink out of the toilet again.

Grandma: [the morning after Abner goes missing] Anyone for bacon?

Arnold: [describing Abner to the dog catcher] And his tail is so curly when you pull it out it goes 'spoing'!

Gerald: [on the missing pig] Well, did you try going down to the dump and yelling 'sooey'?

Pig Skins R Us crew: [yelling at Abner] Come back here you football.

Grandpa: Brilliant does pretty much describe me. He falls off chair.

Gerald: [on Arnold's brilliant idea] Well, it's not working, and it's making me sick.

Ernie: [overwhelmed at the end] It does kinda bring a tear to your eye.

Grandpa: That's just the onions.

Arnold: [drops the watch] NOOOOO!

Grandpa: Hey, where you going?

Arnold: To take a long, hard look at my life.

Grandpa: Well, while you’re there, would you pick up a quart of milk?

Sewer King: I don't even know what time it is.

False Alarm/World Records [1.18]

Gerald: Helga, baby, put your feet up. I’ll tell it.

Curly: Because three months, two weeks and four days ago, Eugene borrowed my favorite pencil - the pencil I got last summer at Wankyland - and then, when he finally returned it, it had chew marks all over it! And he sharpened it down to the metal parts! I couldn't sleep! I couldn't eat! All I could think about was Eugene writing with my pencil, Eugene chewing on my eraser and Eugene sharpening, sharpening, SHARPENING! And then, when he finally gives it back to me, he says: 'Oh, here Curly.' Like it was NO BIG DEAL! Well, I couldn't just take that lying down. So I got this plan, see — the fire alarm, I pull it! And then I frame Eugene for the crime! All I had to do was plant the right clues the peanut butter the glasses and to top it all off, the pencil. Bingo, he would be branded for life! [laughs maniacally]

Curly: [Dementedly] I did It! I pulled the fire alarm! And I'd do it again, too! See? [Laughs dementedly as we hear the fire bell ringing and Curly pulling the levers down]

Principal Wartz: Stop that!

Phoebe: What did you think TSP stood for?

Sid: [With everyone looking at him] Uh... ten square pounds?

Arnold: We broke the record for most attempts to get in the Book of World Records! They say we're the most determined neighborhood they've ever heard of.

Magic Show/24 Hours to Live [1.19]

[Harold got hit by a baseball]

Iggy: Say something, Man.

Harold: Goodnight, Mommy.

Harold: Who taught me how to play ball? Your looney grandma?

Arnold: Hey, Grandpa, I've got a problem.

Grandpa Phil]: Shoot it at me, short man.

Arnold: You see there's this big jerk who says.....

Grandpa: — says he's gonna beat you up, eh?

Arnold: Yeah.

Grandpa: Gonna give you 24 hours to dangle, eh?

Arnold: That's right!

Grandpa: Wants to pound you flat and use your face for 2nd base, eh?

Arnold: Yeah, yeah! What should I do?

Grandpa: I have no idea. But there's one thing I do know, never eat raspberries. [Holds his stomach] Excuse me a sec.[Grandpa runs to the bathroom]

Helga Pataki: Arnold? Hey Arnold, Twenty-four hours, fifteen minutes and thirteen seconds until you die!

Arnold: I'M CRAZY, CRAZY! [evilly laughs]

DJ Nocturnal Ned: It's 7:00 on KILL. This one goes out to Arnold, who's going to die in 2 hours, 6 minutes, and 47 seconds, from Helga who hates you.

Harold Berman: Wow, you really are crazy. Wanna join our club?

Helga: Boys are so stupid.