House (Season 8)

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House (2004–2012), created by David Shore, is about an irreverent, controversial, but successful doctor who trusts no one, least of all his patients.

Twenty Vicodin (8.01)[edit]

House: This another pet? Cause it's going to end badly. Again. Remember we talked about this. At least I talked, and you stared at me eerily. I think it was eerily. "Eerily" felt like the best-case scenario.

Mendelson (to House): Why you keep helping him out?
House: Yeah, why would I wanna make sure that my homicidal cellmate is taking the right anti-psychotics?

House: I'm trying to listen to your lungs, not your self-pity.

House (to Dr. Adams): That look of shock is elitist and offensive. Doctors can be degenerates too. This is America.

Transplant (8.02)[edit]

House: Nice painting. Blues and greens. Calming, but with a hint of nurturing. Totally offsets the stench of suffering and death. Where's my patient? We need to not talk.

Foreman (to House): Get this straight. You break the law, you go back to jail. Scam extra Vicodin, back to jail. Flout my authority, make the hospital look bad, back to jail. I own you.
House: Yassa, massa.
Foreman: See, that would be an example.

House (to Dr. Park): Okay, I'll go first. My boss dumped me, and yours what? Called you his china doll? Joked about what a crappy deal you got for Manhattan? Assumed that you had a huge penis? I have no idea what flavor you are, so I thought I'd just cover the spread.
Dr. Park: My mom's Filipino, dad's Korean, and my boss grabbed my behind.
House: Behind what? Oh, yeah, your... grabbed your tushy.

Mr. Weathers: I told you, my son didn't do cocaine.
House: Druggies are not known for their honesty. Trust me on this one. (Pops Vicodin)

House: But just do whatever you have to do to get over this. Punch me in the face, kick me in the nuts. Either or. Both seems excessive.

Charity Case (8.03)[edit]

Dr. Adams (to House): You said we were meeting for coffee.
House: Well, when someone asks you if you want coffee, they obviously don't just mean coffee. Wait, did you think I was referring to sex? (to Dr. Park) Would you shut the blinds on the way out?

House (to Dr. Adams): In the meantime, there's no way a do-gooder like you isn't volunteering all over town. Ladling kittens, spaying soup.
Dr. Adams: There is a free clinic in Trenton.
House: Well, think of it as today's free clinic, only with fewer bums with herpes.

Foreman: House, I worked for you for 7 years. I know how you operate. So when I see symptoms magically show up right when you need them...
House: And I was your boss for 7 years, and I know what a suspicious, micromanaging hardass you are.

House (to Thirteen): I'm not joking. You're fired. Don't come in tomorrow.
Thirteen: House...
House: I can work with people who've got nowhere else to go. People who've got something to prove. People who just get off on weird cases. but I can't work with someone who is here so she doesn't have to feel bad.
Thirteen: You're trying to save me.
House: Yes. I think that little of you and that much of me.

House: You know, the down vibe in here is totally ruining my Charlie's Angels fantasy.

Risky Business (8.04)[edit]

House: Oh, you guys are going to love doctors Chase and Taub. Keep your Nazi sentiments quiet around the little one.

House: Loyalty to real estate is stupid, because loyalty is stupid.
Park: First patriotism, now loyalty. You hate ice cream, too?
House: French vanilla, yeah.

Adams: I could do $5,000.
House: Really? No backsies?
Adams: If.... you double your clinic hours. 6 a week. I've seen how you disrespect those patients.
House: So you want twice as many of them disrespected?
Adams: Spend more hours with them, you'll treat them more humanely.
House: And this time a land war in Russia will be a good idea.

Adams: Thad Barton? We only help rich white guys?
House: I am an equal opportunity exploiter. I only help those who can help myself.

The Confession (8.05)[edit]

Chase: If people told nothing but the truth, the world would probably burn down overnight.
Adams: Some people think it's burning now. Maybe if everybody didn't lie...
House: Aw, that is cute. I'm talking about your breasts. They always get perky when you're being painfully earnest. Truth. It's uncomfortable, isn't it? More truth... I only noticed because Chase was staring at them. He'd never admit it, because he doesn't want to offend you. Same reason he'd never tell you that he's thought about having sex with you. Although, to be fair, every man you've ever met has thought about having sex with you. They'll lie, because if you knew, you probably wouldn't want to have sex with them. And that's just some of the lies from the last minute. And here's a bigger one: you already know this, but you pretend you don't because it makes you feel civilized. Most people find it easier to ignore the truth.

House: Chase and Taub are back!
Wilson: You want me to pick up an ice cream cake?

House: Oh, my God. Two prodigal sons. Come on. Let's hug it out.

Park (to House): I'm sorry. I thought I was here to treat the patients, not entertain you.
House: Would it hurt to do both?

Wilson: If you ever hear me mention anything about wanting kids, please feel free to punch me in the liver.

Parents (8.06)[edit]

House: Following your heart is easy. Following your brain is tough. Especially after years of following that much smaller third organ. That's why all parents screw up all children.

House: Screwed up is your best case. Bouncing between a philandering workaholic dad and an embittered, sexually betrayed mom, it's gonna lead to screwed-up squared.

Monroe (to House): I need insulin. I know it.
House: Much as I'd like to kill you by dangerously lowering your blood sugar, murder violates my parole.
Monroe: (pointing to the printout of his test results) That bloodwork is week's old. Test me again.
House: I am the test. The test is negative. The test also thinks you're a giant pain in the ass. That last insult was your cue to leave.

Chase (to Adams): You know how I got interested in medicine? When my mother drank, she couldn't handle me, so she locked me in my father's study. Only so many hours you can cry and bang on the door before you give up, find something to read. We all have family dysfunction. That's why we're successful. To fill that hole.

Chase (to Adams): You claim you're not screwed up. You may even believe it. But House doesn't and I don't, so you can wait till he camps out on your parents' lawn or you can admit you don't live on some higher plane and thank me later.

Dead & Buried (8.07)[edit]

House: Death is a consequence, not a symptom.

House (to Wilson): You're right.
Dr. Wilson: You don't even know what I said.
House: That is ridiculous. Blah blah blah blah blah deaf ears. Blah blah blah blah blah blah. Absolutely essential information.

Dr. Wilson: Your job is to keep this machine running. It's your choice to make House a useful tool or a monkey wrench. Cuddy's way didn't fail because she didn't try to control House, she managed him. She knew better than anybody what a tool he could be

Perils of Paranoia (8.08)[edit]

Adams: Am I weird?
Chase: Yeah, but you're hot so it's easier to put up with.

Taub: If anarchy breaks out, I plan to do what my ancestors have done throughout the ages: run.

Park (to Taub): So what do you think: is the patient paranoid or am I?
Taub: I don't think that stockpiling weapons is the most reasoned response, but, given what I've seen at Bloomingdale's on Black Friday, I wouldn't say it rises to the level of mental illness.
Park: And me?
Taub: Again, given what I've seen at Bloomingdale's.

Taub: Impressive.
House: The wiliness with which Foreman ruled out anxiety or his complete wiliness-less-ness before he met me?
Taub: The fact that you managed to smear jelly on almost every page.

Adams (to House): Wait, why would you think his wife poisoned him?
House: Because dangerous people don't break into your home, they live in it. And although his kids are old enough to want Daddy dead, they're still too young to do anything about it.
Taub: Must be such a pleasure to live in your head.
House: You're right. Kids might be precocious.

Better Half (8.09)[edit]

Chase: Taub's daughter is sick.
House: Isn't that the point of having a spare?

Adams: [reading a card from House] Cuddy Dark will waste his afternoon chasing conspiracy theories.

Chase (about House): You're letting him get inside your head. He could do a lot of damage in there.

Adams: Sex releases oxytocin. It's the neurochemical basis for bonding.
House: And that's why men always marry their right hands.
Adams: It's different for girls.
Park: No it's not. I've tapped over 30 guys and never wanted to see most of them again. [everyone stares] I live next to a Jewish frat.
House: We are veering wildly off track. Please continue.

Dr. Wilson: Two people are happy, and your natural impulse is to destroy it.
House: How do you know she's happy? Did she tell you?
Dr. Wilson: No, chirping birds flew out of her butt carrying a banner.

House: Better to have schtupped and lost then never to have schtupped at all.

Runaways (8.10)[edit]

House (to Fake Dad): How long has your daughter had trouble breathing?
Fake Dad: About a week now.
House: The best dads wait 2 or more.
Callie: Yeah, no, it's not like it's serious. I checked online and it's asthma or something.
House: "Or something" is the number one killer of teens without a medical degree.

House: How I miss the sweet smell of stickin' it to the man.
Dr. Wilson: Adams is right. You're protecting this girl.
House: No, I was wrong. It's the stench of moralizing.

House: That was to show Adams that Mommie Dearest hadn't changed

Ellen: You must be Dr. House.
House: I save my appearances for when parents are on the brink of doing something incredibly stupid.

House: As much as I'd like to take your word for it, I have no interest in taking your word for it.

Taub: [To Foreman] An affair? I never knew you were such a tramp.

House: I'd turn around and shoot you, but apparently I'd miss.

Adams: Do you think people can change?
Chase: No. But I don't think that's gonna change your opinion, because... people don't change.

Nobody's Fault (8.11)[edit]

Cofield: Let the record show that we are officially convening a disciplinary hearing regarding the events of February 3, 2012 in patient room 209. Dr. House, this recording will be transcribed and published along with all supporting documentation and rulings. Do you have any questions before we get started?
House: Yeah. Who the hell are you?
Cofield: I'm Walter Cofield, Chief of Neurology, Mercy Hospital. I'll be deciding your fate today.

Cofield: What are you doing?
House: Taking my Vic-amins.

House: Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach. Those who can't teach, teach gym. Those who can't move their arms or legs teach us to laugh at others.

House: Oh, come on. Unless you're an idiot, you know why I thought Park was an idiot.

Chase: Seriously, House?
House: You're blaming me? You used Adams' shampoo.

Cofield (to House): Your patient was doubled over in pain and coughing up blood, and you found that interesting?
House: Why, is that bad?
Cofield: It's interesting.

House (after letting off a stink bomb): It was a team-building exercise.
Cofield: No. It was manipulation. You were pressuring your team into coming up with unsafe medical ideas just to get out of that room.
House: You say pressure, I say inspire.

Foreman (to Cofield): House… is brilliant. I give him the benefit of the doubt most of the time because I've seen what he can do.
Cofield: Getting House out of prison is the biggest decision you've made as Dean of Medicine, right? And if he's suspended as a result of this hearing, he violates his parole and he goes back. And that probably leaves you as former Dean of Medicine.
Foreman: I suppose so.
Cofield: You didn't choose me to oversee this because you thought I could be objective. You chose me because you thought I'd have your back and I'd think twice about making a decision that would get you fired. Eric. I'm sorry. But if your get-House-out-of-jail-free experiment blows up in your face, it's not my job to get you out of it.

House (about the patient): If Taub is right, then he will walk out of here cured. If Adams is right, he'll spike a fever, get hypotensive, we can treat it. He can walk out of here cured. If Park is right, he goes all cuckoo's nest on us, we can cross "brain" off the list.

Cofield: Who do you think was at fault for what happened to you, Dr. Chase?
Chase: Again, why does it matter?
Cofield: You're a smart doctor. You know what happened here better than anyone, and you've worked with Dr. House longer than anyone. And I suspect that you've spent every minute since this has happened trying to answer that very question.
Chase: I don't think it was anyone's fault. I was angry, but I wasn't distracted. And I think that, if there's any chance I'm gonna walk again, it's because Dr. House is a genius.

Cofield (to Chase): In the middle of a procedure that could basically save your life, House is actually trying to drag people away? How do you work with a guy like that?
Chase: He wasn't trying to pull anybody away. Everyone had already refused to work on that case. He knew the answer. He wanted to check on me. But he needed an excuse. Otherwise, he could be accused of caring.

Cofield (to Chase): You brazenly defied your boss. Now that happened either because Dr. House has established that that's okay in his world, or his prank war distracted you, or House makes medicine a game, and you just wanted to beat him. Whatever the reason, it boils down to the fact that you may never walk again because House created an atmosphere that promotes recklessness.

Cofield (to House): Are you really this indifferent to the fact that Dr. Chase is hurt?
House: We're going off the record because this is irrelevant, or are you gonna hit me?

House (to Cofield): Coward.
Cofield: Excuse me?
House: You've got, like, 20 pages of notes there. You were expecting to bore us for at least half an hour. (stands and snatches Cofield’s folder) You got my parole form in here. You were gonna send me back to prison.
Foreman: House, stop.
House: Good things usually happen; Bad things sometimes happen. The fact that that would-be widow came in just in time to sob all over your soft, mushy heart and the fact that her husband's gonna live does not change whether or not I did the right thing.

Chase (8.12)[edit]

House: If she likes crippled guys, I'm free for the next six minutes.

Adams (to Chase): Three weeks ago, you never would have slept with a patient. And you never would have operated on her after. You need help.
Chase: I need to get away from House and everything that reminds me of him.
Adams: By breaking the rules, not caring what anyone else thinks. You're gonna get away from him by turning into him?

Chase (to House): This has nothing to do with the truth. You don't like that I'm reassessing my life. That I want to change it. That I can.
House: Anyone can screw up a life. I never said that wasn't possible.
Chase: You're incapable of human connection so you want everyone to be like you.
House: If I wanted you to be like me, I would be urging you to make a stupid, stubborn decision that blows up your life and leaves you lonely and miserable. You reassess your life when you make mistakes. You didn't. You just got stabbed.

Man of the House (8.13)[edit]

House: Now, I am hereby searching for a number two. So I'm eating a lot of bran. Also, I want a team leader.

House: I'm guessing that your testosterone level is just below "Bieber."

Taub: If low testosterone means I can't get sick with something else, punch me in the junk right now.
House: I would, if it weren't redundant.

Love is Blind (8.14)[edit]

Park: 82 pounds. (Everyone stares) How much weight I put on when my break ended the same way. People were calling me "Park-ing Lot."

Thomas: Practically walked in on us having sex. God, if I saw my mother doing that I'd claw my own eyes out. Of course, she was nowhere near as attractive as you. Horribly fat, as a matter of fact.

House: How long are you going to wait until you tell me?
Wilson: I thought we already had the Santa Claus talk.

Park (to Will, the patient): I'm Dr. Park, by the way. I'm 5'2", Asian, and I'm totally cool with it if you want to feel my face.
Melissa: Blind people only do that in movies.
Will: But you sound nice, so if you want me to...

Blowing the Whistle (8.15)[edit]

House: What's the opposite of "thank you"? I'm pretty sure it ends in "you."

Park (to House): So I'm the only one who has a problem when someone whose duty's to protect our country blowing...
House: Blowing the whistle is honorable precisely because it's not dutiful. Sorry, you said "blowing." Maybe you're going somewhere else with that.

Brant (to House): Who are you?
House: Well, considering the only people allowed in this room are your doctors and your family... I'm your long-lost cousin Ralph. So glad to finally meet you.

Wilson (to House): I've been avoiding you because you're an ass.
House: I've been an ass my whole life. I can't get rid of you.
Wilson: You can get rid me of now. Just turn and limp away.
House: Huh. Your whiny righteousness has the stench of sincerity.

Gut Check (8.16)[edit]

Taub: I've known a lot of bullies. People who didn't like me because I'm short. People who didn't like me because I'm Jewish.
House: I get it. There's a long list of reasons not to like you.

House (to Wilson): Every little girl wants a pony till they have to clean up after it.
Wilson: You think I'm going to quit on this? On an 11-year-old?
House: The only relationship you haven't quit on has been me.
Wilson: Hmm. A needy, truculent narcissist. I think it's been perfect training for parenthood.

House: Roomies with benefits keeping you up?
Chase: Cribbage. Played with Park's Popo.
House: Is that two separate events?

House: He told me to apologize to you, or he would excrete down my throat. I'm paraphrasing. So if he should ask, I was a gentleman, or I will excrete down your throat.

House (to House): The sound of a needy child is stirring your paternal juices.
Wilson: The sound of a needy child at 112 decibels has stirred my inner murderer. Don't mess with me.

Adams: Aside from the crying, he's actually recovering nicely.
Taub: Aside from the guy in the book depository, the Kennedys had a lovely trip to Dallas.

Chase: Fighting's the best part of hockey. Without it you'd have the ice capades.
Taub: Fighting has nothing to do with hockey. It's like the cheerleaders at a basketball game.
Chase: Cheerleading's the best part of basketball. Without it, you've got... basketball.

We Need the Eggs (8.17)[edit]

House: Sex? At work? I'm not a savage.

House: Sex is a given. They're hookers. To get the gig, a call girl - sorry, 'call woman' - needs a combination of skills that I find useful/entertaining for the remaining 57 minutes of the hour I paid for.

House: Mazal tov, Great relationships often start with snap decisions aimed at proving me wrong.

House: So let me get this straight, I'm being dumped by a hooker who's worried about my feelings?

Body & Soul (8.18)[edit]

House: Tell the parents to lay off the grades. The world needs fry cooks, too.

House: SUNDS, Sudden Unexpected Nocturnal Death Syndrome. AKA, BS name for 'no one's figured out why they died.' Over 100 in the early '80s. Only male. Only Hmong. Healthy, right up until the moment they died in their sleep."

House: For a moment there, I thought you were uncomfortable around Chase because you had a nocturnal Australian.

House: Relax, I'm a doctor, your spectacular breasts mean nothing to me.

Dominika: How can you believe in dark matters but not in dark spirits? Is the idea of demon so different than the Higgs boson? We can't see it, but we can see the impact of its presence. I borrowed your physics book. I read while in bathroom.

House: We can also act like walls don't mean anything. But then we'd hurt our noses.

Wilson: It looks like my watch has stopped. It seems never has arrived.

The C-Word (8.19)[edit]

House: Is that our precious little bundle of tumor? They grow up so fast, don't they?

House: How many times have I told you I wanted to be alone, and you've made yourself a pain in the ass? I owe you.

House: We don't have to have sex. Sometimes it's nice just to cuddle and talk. Me first. You don't want a second opinion. You're already on your fifth. You got Evans at Mercy, Shaw at County, Foster at Johns Hopkins. And every one of them has given you the same advice. You're nuts. You don't just want chemo. You want a dose so high, there's a one-in-three chance it'll kill you outright. Question is, why didn't you tell me? Because you knew I'd stop you. Which means you've already found someone insane enough or desperate enough to give you what amounts to a death dose of chemicals. But who would be that stupid? I'm thinking that the who, is you. Where exactly were you planning on killing yourself? 'Cause I don't think Foreman is gonna let you do it here.

House: Statistically, this treatment has about the same chance of killing you as the thymoma does. But a hell of a lot faster.
Wilson: [Picks up a small maze puzzle off his desk] Nancy Wells, cervical cancer, 70% survival rate. Died November 6, 1998; 64 years old.
[Puts the puzzle down and picks up a small wooden carving of a bird] Bernie Jones, melanoma, 89% survival rate. October 10, 1999. He was 52.
[Puts the bird back and picks up a deep sea diver from a collection of toys on a counter behind his desk] John Taylor. Thyroid. 96% survival rate. I promised him he'd be fine. [Putting down the toy] Eight years old.
I am not going to die slowly in a hospital bed under fluorescent lighting with people stopping by to gawk and lie about how I look. Even a small chance of that happening is too big a chance for me.
House: You're an idiot. And the odds say you're gonna die. We'll do it at my place.

Chase: She's the mother. So let's treat her like any other mother.

House: To muscle aches, spasms. To your joints feeling like they're being ripped out and replaced with shards of broken glass. Your stomach fills with bile. When you vomit, it feels like someone's forcing a white hot hammer down your esophagus, tearing your flesh. Blood's dripping down the back of your throat, choking and gagging you with the slick, coppery taste of burnt pennies.
Day two: Your white blood cells are gone, opening up your system to attack. Your temperature skyrockets. One second, your skin feels like it's on fire. The next second, it's entombed in ice.
Every pain sensor in your body is firing at the same time until agony isn't even a word or a concept--it's your only reality. You hallucinate. You dream of death. And then the race begins. Can your body claw its way back in time before the hostile organisms and parasites claim you permanently?
Win, you live.
Lose, you die.

Wilson: If things go wrong, I just want you to know...
House: If you're going to say that you've always been secretly gay for me, everyone always just kind of assumed it."

Wilson: Pumping a human being full of lethal chemicals in your living room. If I die, it probably won't go over well with your probation officer.
House: I've already identified a couple of spots to dump your body if this goes south.

House: Painkiller: industrial strength. Level: awesome.

House: Just remember, they're a gift. So it's rude to keep throwing them up.

Wilson: So, the way I felt, you feel that - what, most of the time? Really does suck being you, doesn't it?
House: At least I don't have cancer.

Wilson: It's pathetic. I'm pathetic. An oncologist with cancer. Of all the things that could be killing me...It's like the universe is giving me the big middle finger.
House: The universe doesn't care--
Wilson: Why me? I'm always telling my patients not to torture themselves, because there's no answer.
House: Sound advice.
Wilson: It's cruel advice. They were just trying to make sense of what was happening to them, and I'm there telling them not to bother? I should have spent my life being more like you. Should have been a manipulative, self-centered, narcissistic ass who brought misery to everything and everyone in his life.
House: You'd still have cancer.
Wilson: Yeah! But at least I'd feel like I deserved it.

House: Okay, your heart rate's up, BP's tanking. White blood count's at 500. We have to go to the hospital now.
Wilson: No.
House: I don't have the equipment or the meds to handle this.
Wilson: No. Win or lose. Win or lose. That was the deal.
House: That was the deal when there was an "or". You can't win this.
Wilson: No. No. I'd rather die here. (crying) Not in an ambulance. Not in a hospital. Please, you can't do that to me. I can't — House… Please. Promise me that you won't do that to me. Promise me.
House: Okay, I promise.

Post Mortem (8.20)[edit]

House: People don’t change. You are a person. Ergo...

House: I have a dental appointment... that I'm going to make now.

Taub: You want to lie to a guy who's favorite pastime is getting doctors fired?

Chase: We did everything House would’ve done if he’d been here.
Foreman: You lied to a patient.
[Chase gives an affirmative shrug]

Wilson: I want a threesome.
House: Shouldn't we try a twosome first?

House: Ina is living in Alzheimersville.

Wilson: All I wanted was some meaningless fun, and I couldn't even last three days.

House: It's been fun
Chase: Fun?
House: Sounded pithier than, 'We've shared a variety of situations'.

Wilson: I don't want to think about consequences. I don't want to think about...I don't want to think about anything. I just want
House: Okay. I need you to do exactly what I tell you.

Holding On (8.21)[edit]

Wilson: When I watch that transformation, sorry, I don't believe that we're just a bag of chemicals.

Wilson: I don't owe you anything. Our entire relationship has been about you. My dying is about me.

House: [On the phone to Wilson's mother] Hi, this is Greg House. Again. Third message. Hopefully indicating how much I want you to call me back. I'd say that your son is dying to increase the urgency, but you probably already know that.

Thirteen: The prodigal daughter returns.
House: You taking me up on my offer to off you? I think I’ve still got some leftover propofol.

House: Life is pain! I wake up every morning, I'm in pain! I go to work, I'm in pain! You know how many times I just want to give up? How many times I thought of ending it?

Park: You spent your whole life looking for truth! But sometimes, the truth just sucks!

Wilson: He's not my child. I cannot be responsible for the happiness of Gregory House.
Foreman: You are responsible. The past 20 years, you've had three wives, hundreds of colleagues, thousands of patients. But you've kept that one best friend.

Foreman: Chemo won't make your life any better, but caring will. Enduring pain to do some good for someone you care about - isn't that what life is?

House: You're the only one I listen to. The last couple of days I didn't, and I almost killed my patient. I think it's time for you to accept that you're just smarter than I am.

Everybody Dies (8.22)[edit]

Kutner (hallucination): Don't bother. He's dead.
House: You're dead, too.
Kutner: The fire isn't.

Oliver: I was in a car accident last month.
House: I won a swimming trophy in high school. Your turn.

Taub: How are you possibly in a good mood?
House: Did you never see Dead Poets Society? Carpe diem!

House: Nobody cares about the medicine.

House: Is this Hell, an eternity of everyone I know trying to convince me to live?
Cameron (hallucination): Who says I'm here to convince you to live?

House: I can change.

Wilson: He was my friend. The thing you have to remember, the thing you can’t forget, is that Gregory House saved lives. He was a healer, and, and in the end...
House was an ass. He mocked anyone - patients, co-workers, his dwindling friends, anyone who didn’t measure up to his insane ideals of integrity. He claimed to be on some heroic quest for truth, but the truth is he was a bitter jerk who liked making people miserable, and he proved that by dying selfishly numbed by narcotics without a thought of anyone. A betrayal [phone rings] of everyone who cared about him. [Phone rings] Phone! A million times he needed me, and the one time that I needed him [phone rings] OH COME ON! This is a funeral! Just, get it! [Phone rings, phone rings]. Heh, heh, heh, well this is embarrassing. I’d sworn I’d turned this off. This isn’t my phone.
Text message: SHUT UP YOU IDIOT

[The series' last lines]
Wilson: When the cancer starts getting really bad...
House: Cancer's boring.


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