Invader Zim is an American animated television series created by comic book writer/artist Jhonen Vasquez and aired on Nickelodeon. The show features the exploits of a extraterrestrial named Zim from the planet Irk and his ongoing mission to conquer or destroy a dark and satirical version of the Earth. His various attempts to subjugate and destroy the human race are invariably undetermined by some combination of his own ineptitude, his malfunctioning robot servant GIR and his nemesis Dib, one of very few humans not oblivious enough to be unaware of Zim’s identity.
- Dib: What's the matter? Scared of beans, SPACE BOY?!?
- Zim: Nonsense! I love beans. I love them...
- Dib: [hands Zim a spoon] Oh, just one more then? What are you scared of?
- Zim: Scared? Ridiculous. Witness my bean-chewing!
- [Zim takes a spoonful of beans and reluctantly eats them, as Dib watches on with much anticipation]
- Zim: That's good eat-- [retchs and convulses, ultimately falling to the ground] Yummy...
- [Dib looks over table and sees Zim on the floor breathing hard, his head engorged with glowing fluid and pulsing]
- Dib: Look everyone! His head! That is so not normal! I was right all along, he is an alien! You never believed me, but now, I have proof! [Points to trail of glowing green goo leading out the door]
- Zita: You're crazy!
- Dib: You picked the wrong planet to land on, Zim!
- Zim: Wait a minute! What planet is this?
- Dib: Earth.
- Zim: Nope, this is the right planet.
Season 1 (2001–02)
The Nightmare Begins [1.1]
- GIR: GIR, reporting for duty.
- Zim: "GIR"? What does the G stand for?
- GIR: [confused] I don't know! [pauses, then begins screaming and hitting himself]
- Zim: Ummm, is it supposed to be stupid?
- Tallest Purple: It's not stupid; [sarcastically] it's advanced!
- Dib: And what about his horrible green head?!?
- Zim: Insolent fool boy! It's a... skin condition.
- Dib: And he's got no ears! Is that part of your "skin condition," Zim? No ears!?
- Zim: [looking sad] Yes.
- Ms. Bitters: Don't forget that tonight is Parent-Teacher Night. Everyone is required to bring their parents to the cafeteria.
- Zim: I never agreed to attend this Parent-Teacher Night!
- Ms. Bitters: Yes, you did.
- Zim: No! You lie! [makes wild scratching motions with his arms] YOU LIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!
- [Ms. Bitters puts a disc into a computer. The chalkboard slides down revealing a screen showing Zim]
- Ms. Bitters: [on video] Zim, are you going to bring your parents to Parent-Teacher Night?
- Zim: [on video, not paying attention] Yeah, sure, whatever.
- [Zim looks up at a ceiling-mounted video camera]
- Zim: Why would you tape that?
- Mr. Elliot: It's nice to meet you, Professor. I'm Mr. Elliot, huh? Your daughter Gaz's teacher?
- [Gaz groans in annoyance]
- Membrane: [transmitting from his lab on a floating monitor] I'm sorry, but I'm very busy right now. We're testing some highly unstable- [gasps, alerts going off] NO!! YOU HAVE THE MIXTURE ALL WRONG!!
- [A large explosion occurs across town, people turn to stare at the screen as it plays elevator music with a "Please Stand By" appearing]
Walk of Doom
- Zim: Our HOUSE, GIR! Which direction is our house?
- GIR: GIR: Um, that way. [GIR points behind them. He looks around.] GIR: No, wait, um, it's over there. [GIR points to another random direction.]
- Zim: How could you not know?! I just upgraded your guidance system!
- GIR: Oh. I left that at home.
- Zim: You left what at home?
- GIR: The guidy chippy thingy.
- Zim: You! Why would you do that?!?
- GIR: To make room for the cupcake!
- Zim: [to cab driver] You think I wont be ready, but you're wrong, presumptuous cab beast! I have prepared myself for this moment and it has paid off in full! You see, the Invaders learn from their mistakes, however rare they may be! Now human, take me to [thinks for a moment then points in a random direction] that way, and quickly! In case you haven't noticed, I've been trying to go home!
- [The phone rings, Zim answers it]
- Zim: Hello?
- Keef: Hey ya buddy!
- Zim: Keef? I told you, I do not require your-
- Keef: I understand, Zim. I was just thinking that maybe we could-
- [Phone beeps]
- Zim: Hang on, I've got another call. [pushes button on the phone] Hello?
- Keef: Hey ya buddy! You're gonna love the circus!
- [Zim stares at the phone and rips it out of the wall]
- Zim: What are you doing, GIR?
- GIR: Nothing...
- Zim: Nothing... or something?
- GIR: Oh, I can't take it, you're too smart for me. Keef is planning a s'prise party for you after skool. He gonna bring all the kids because he loves you! [crying] That boy loves you so much! [stops crying] I'm makin' the cake!
- Zim: He's bringing all the children to our secret lair? Do you realize what this means?
- GIR: Yes! Wait a minute...no.
- Zim: It means the mission is in jeopardy!
- GIR: Aw man! [hums happily]
- Zim: I'm not in your TV. I'm transmitting from…inside your body! Spooky, yes? At this very moment I'm inside a microscopic submersible somewhere in your disgusting belly attached to your arm control nerve!
- Dib: Arm control nerve?
- Zim: Yes. Arm control nerve.
- Dib: In my...belly?
- Zim: Yes.
- Dib: Humans don't have arm control nerves!
- Zim: Do not question me! I control your arms!!
- Zim: Now let's see where you are keeping the location of the disk, Dib!
- [Zim scans Dib's brain. A target appears on his console]
- Zim: There!
- [Zim fires a laser at the point indicated on the console]
- Dib: He's in my head! Knowledge losing... brain... poop. I can't remember where the file is! Gaz, he did it! He made me forget!
- Gaz: Quiet, Dib!
- Zim: And now to unleash stupidity on your entire brain!
- GIR: I'm gonna roll around on the floor for a little bit, 'kay?
- [GIR proceeds to roll around, spreading germs all over the spotless base]
- Zim: GIR, what are you doing? Stop immediately! You're disgusting!
- GIR: ...Awww, somebody needs a hug!
- Zim: Nononono, no, GIR, no!! [attempts to spray GIR]
- GIR: I'm gonna hug you!
- [Zim is talking with the Tallest via a large monitor]
- Zim: Sirs! I apologize for not reporting in, but— excuse me.
- [Zim sprays some germs offscreen]
- Zim: ...all is going well, nothing too big to report, aside to the usual- oh, WOULD YOU LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THAT ONE!!
- [Zim sprays again and empties it]
- Zim: No. No! The disinfectant, it's almost gone! All hope is lost if I don't find more! Never! I won't give up! I'll destroy you! And you! And you! And yoooouuu!
- [Zim cuts the transmission]
- Tallest Purple: Did that scare you too?
- [Tallest Red nods]
- Ms. Bitters: Zim!
- Zim: [saluting] Sir!
- Ms. Bitters: There's a pigeon on your head. You've got head pigeons. Get to the nurse before they spread to the other children!
- Zim: Yes, Ms. Bitters.
- [Zim walks towards the door]
- Ms. Bitters: No leaving class without a hall pass, Zim.
- Zim: Of course...
- [Zim walks to Ms. Bitters' desk. She puts a collar around his head. It shrinks around his neck]
- Ms. Bitters: If you leave skool grounds, it will explode.
- Dib: That's it, Zim! This has to stop!
- Zim: I'm afraid I don't know what you're talking about.
- Dib: Look at you! You've gone too far! You're a hideous blob of stolen organs!
- Zim: I've been working out...
- [Zim vomits an intestine, then sucks it back into his mouth and smiles]
- Dib: You think you can fool a trained medical professional?
- Zim: Yes.
Attack of the Saucer Morons
- Zim: Ruined. Ruined! Irken engineering reduced to... this! Surely that was no human bee! Once I take care of the humans, I will begin my war against... the bees!
- Government Man: [in robotic voice] I am Government Man, come from the government. The government has sent me. [zooms inside to see GIR piloting the robot] [walks over to Zim] Ohohoho. He is not an alien lifeform. He is an experimental government aircraft!
- Gaz: That was your fate of the world work? Jumping in a puddle?! You do realize I have to destroy you now.
- Dib: It was worth it. Score 1 for the human race, score NOTHING for the Zim... thingy... race.
- Gaz: I will destroy you.
- Dib: I swear, sometimes I amaze myself at how amazingly I–
[Zim jumps out from behind a wall and scares Dib, and Dib falls backwards into a puddle.]
- Zim: ...How amazingly you fall into a puddle? I agree!
- Ms. Bitters: Zim, the machine says that the only career you are suitable for is-
- Zim: Yes, yes! Lord of humans! I will rule you all with an iron fist!
- Ms. Bitters: No, Zim. The machine has assigned you a career in fast food preparation.
- Zim: Then I will prepare food with my iron fist! Then I will work my way up to ruling you all with my fist! [to Melvin] You! [shakes fist in Melvin's face] Obey the fist!
- Dib: A crop circle?
- Bill: Beautiful, isn't it? It's a message from creatures much more intelligent than us! Space beings who have traveled millions of light years to say something, but what does it mean?
- Dib: I think this one's a fake.
- Bill: You're one of those skeptics, aren't you? Always questioning, always picking away at my theories! One day you'll see that–
- [Dib points to cow rolling around, making the crop circle]
- Dib: Now can we go to McMeaties please? It's 4:45, if we hurry, we can make it!
- Bill: Hmmm...the aliens must be controlling the cow...
- Dib: That is not a supernatural cow! This is ridiculous! You believe in all the stupidest things when real proof is right under your nose!
- Dib: How am I supposed to know what Dad's first sentient thought was?
- Gaz: It was "I will poop now." It's all here in his autobiography.
- [A random fangirl wearing a Prof. Membrane bust hat appears and cuts them off.]
- Fangirl #1: That's not it! It's–
- [Fangirl is interrupted as Gaz pushes her away.]
- [A girl turns in her audience admission exam to a robot]
- Exam Robot: 94%. Your score is...unacceptable!
- [The girl screams as her desk races backwards to a door which slams shut after she goes into it. Dib turns in his exam]
- Exam Robot: 94.1%. Your score is...acceptable! Congratulations!
- [The robot plays a tiny fanfare and shoots confetti]
- Dib: Okay, that was annoying. But at least it was easy.
- Zim: GIR! Come to the observatory!
- GIR: Yes?
- Zim: What have you done to the telescope?
- GIR: Nothin'.
- Zim: You haven't touched it? Something is broken and it's not your fault?
- GIR: I know...I'm scared too...
- Zim: What do you think you're doing?
- Nik: Well, you see that planet back there?
- [Zim looks at the Earth, which is being towed behind them]
- Zim: Yes.
- Nik: We're going to throw it into our sun. Why? You got a problem with that?
- Oog-ah: That one's gonna burn real good. Lots of critters. Critters burn good.
Rise of the Zitboy
- Zim: Nothing breaches my defenses, nothing! You hear me, squirrel-boy? Nothing! [A Bloaty's Pizza delivery guy comes to the door and GIR answers] Hey! Hey!
- Bloaty's Pizza Guy: Here's the pizza you or-dered!
- GIR: Thank you.... [starts crying] I-I love you!
- Zim: GIR! We fend humans away from our home, not invite them over!
- GIR: [leaves] I had a coupon!
- Dib: [hypnotized] I will tell Pustulio everything...[snaps out of it] Nyahh! No! Must... keep... control! [gets hypnotized again] Pustulio is my friend... [snaps out of it again] It's a pimple! Nothing more than a-! Nyahh! I... I... [gets hypnotized yet again] I... love Pustulio...
- Zim: And Pustulio loves you, too. Release him, Smacky. He is part of the collective now.
- [Smacky lets go of Dib]
- Zim: Now. Tell me... tell me the flaw in my house's defenses.
- Dib: [struggles internally] But... I can't... must infiltrate!
- Zim: It would make Pustulio happy to know this thing. Don't you WANT-[pushes Pustulio around to increase hypnotic power]-to make Pustulio happy?
- Dib: Yes... no!
- Zim: [raises eyebrow] If you tell me, I'll let you hold Pustulio's little hand. [holds up one of Pustulio's hands for Dib to see]
- Dib: [talking against will] The weakness... is simple... a blind spot... [cringes] in your gnome field. Nothing to stop me from simply tunneling under house... [cringes again] and attach a spy monitoring system.
- [a pause, then Zim begins laughing maniacally]
- Zim: Success!
Invasion of the Idiot Dog Brain
- Zim: I don't think you understand how serious this is! Tacos are not worth ruining the mission. I am your master, and you will obey me! Obey me! (Zim kneels on the ground as if he was begging) ...Pleeeeeaaassse?
- GIR: Maybe you're right... we can get a giant burrito too!
- [GIR orders food from the Krazy Taco drive-thru with Zim screaming in the background]
- Krazy Taco Worker: So that's two large tacos, burrito, and a medium "GIR take us back to the base right now." Do you want a drink with that?
- Gir: [to Krazy Taco Worker] What kinda drinks you got?
- Krazy Taco Worker: We got New Poop, Classic Poop, Diet Poop, Cherry Poop, and Salty Lemonade.
- Gir: Gimme a large Classic Poop!
Bad, Bad Rubber Piggy
- Zim: Behold! A hunter destroyer-
- GIR: What is it?
- Zim: A hunter destroy-
- GIR: What is it?!?
- Zim: ...A hunter destroyer machine.
- GIR: Wait... if you destroyed Dib in the past, then he won't ever be your enemy, then you won't have to send a robot back to destroy him and then he will be your enemy, so then you will have to send a robot back...
- [GIR's head explodes]
- [The hunter destroyer machine goes into the portal, but is immediately shot back out. Cue the reason:]
- Computer: Object not compatible with temporal field.
- Zim: "Not compatible"?! Is this thing just completely useless?! "Not compatible"!
- [Zim grabs GIR's rubber piggy and chucks it. It bounces off of the overturned Hunter-Destroyer machine and - much to Zim's surprise - goes into the time portal. The rest is altered history...]
- Computer: Object accepted! Temporal displacement in process!
- Zim: Huh?
- Dib: I know you're behind the piggies, Zim! I don't know how, but I know that it's you! Rubber piggies have ruined my life, and it's all been you!
- Dib: [Deep Voice] YOU WILL PAY FOR RUINING MY CHILDHOOD, ZIM! YOU! WILL!! PAY!!!
- Zim: That last piggy should have reduced him to nothing! What happened?!?! Where did history go wrong?!?!
- Dib: [Deep Voice] MY WHOLE LIFE HAS BEEN A MISERABLE PIG-FILLED ORDEAL BECAUSE OF YOU!
- Dib: [Deep Voice] YOU CAN HIDE, ZIM, BUT YOU CAN'T... HIDE!
- Zim: [while throwing multiple pigs into the time machine] There must be some way of stopping him, some point in time where he's still vulnerable to the piggy!
- Dib: [Deep Voice] PREPARE FOR DESTRUCTION!
- Zim: Only one left! NOOOOOO!
- GIR: Yay, We're Doomed!
- Dib: [Deep Voice] AND NOW, ZIM! THIS IS FOR TAMPERING WITH THE PAST! THIS IS FOR THE PIGS!
- [Dib raises the fist of the Mega Boy 3000. Zim tosses the piggy into the time portal. Dib throws his fist towards Zim.]
- Dib: [Deep Voice] ENJOY YOUR LAST MOMENT-- [Suddenly, with a flash (you see Bloody GIR in the middle of the portal), Dib is back to normal. He stands outside of Dib's front door holding a camera.] --of privacy! Soon the world will seek-- wait a minute. Have I always been like this? Yes, I have, haven't I? My whole life! Good old Dib-like Dib! [Two of the lawn gnomes turn around to face Dib then they slide towards him with their arms outstretched.] Wuh-hey!! Hey, wait a minute! Hey! [The lawn gnomes drag him off screen and then the sound of them punching Dib as he shouts can be heard.]
A Room With a Moose
- [Dib raises his hand]
- Ms. Bitters: Yes, Dib?
- Dib: Ms. Bitters, Zim's trip to the bathroom has taken a really long time.
- Ms. Bitters: I seem to remember you taking an awful long time to go to the bathroom as well, Dib.
- Dib: [pathetically] But that was "Corn and Mayonnaise" day!
- Ms. Bitters: [harshly] Oh, that's no excuse!!!
- Zim: But I chose this particular worm hole especially for the occasion. You see, at the end of this wormhole lies: A ROOM with a MOOSE!!
- Dib: AAAAAHHHH- Wait a minute! Did you say, a room with a moose?
- Zim: Yes. Your fear is overwhelming, no?
- Dib: Um...no. What's so scary about a room with a stupid moose? I mean, yeah, that's a big moose, but really-
- Zim: Oh, you'll see. PREPARE YOUR BLADDER FOR IMMINENT RELEASE!
- Dib: Nuh-uh!
- [Zim launches walnuts into wormhole]
- Dib: Are those walnuts?
- Zim: Yes.
- GIR: My walnuts!
- [The class has gathered around the new classroom pet, a hamster named Peepi, which is running around in its hamster-wheel]
- Ms. Bitters: Take a good look children. It will prepare you for your adult lives in our nightmarish corporate system.
- [Facing off against Peepi in his Zoot Cruiser]
- Zim: You made me do this, Peepi! I hate to be the bad guy, but you must be disciplined! Or you'll never learn!
Plague of Babies
- Zim: I am the neighborhood baby inspector. I have come to inspect the baby.
- Mother: Oh, goodness! Inspect him for what?
- Zim: Your resistance will be noted!
- [Zim is being held captive by aliens who look like earth babies]
- Zim: Noogums! I should have known.
- Shnooky: Don't call me by that name! It is demeaning to the proud and fierce race of the Nar-Gh'ok to be dubbed "Noogums."
- Zim: What should I call you then?!?
- Shnooky: Shnooky! Gh'ok Space Sergeant Shnooky!
- Zim: I knew it! Earth babies come from space!
Bloaty's Pizza Hog
- Dib: Don't you care that Zim is trying to destroy all mankind? Huh?
- Gaz: But he's so bad at it.
- GIR: Shhh! I'm guarding the house!
- Gaz: Where's Dib?
- GIR: [turning to duty mode and producing weapons from his head. He holds up a hand] None may pass! You are an intruder!
- Gaz: [angrily] Where is Dib?
- GIR: [retracts weapons] He went down there!
- Dib: Joke's on you, Zim! Now you have to find a cure for the bologna thing.
- Zim: Fool! You think I would share the cure with you?!? I'll find a cure and keep it all to myself, and then watch you transform more and more into what you really are deep down in your heart.
- Dib: Deep down I'm bologna?
- Zim: ...Yes.
- Dib: That's just dumb.
- Zim: Dumb like a moose, Dib, dumb like a moose!
- Dib: Now what, Zim? What's your next plan?
- [Dogs with foaming mouths appear and snarl hungrily at them]
- [Zim looks at the dogs then back at Dib]
- Zim: Let's run, screaming.
Game Slave 2
- Gaz: That Game Slave is rightfully mine. I'll buy it from you, but there's no way you're keeping it. Not without invoking my wrath anyhow.
- Iggins: You know, you need help.
- Dib: A Colony of horrible Rat People! Hey, do you know the way outta here?
- Rat Man: There is no way out, we all got lost here too! And we've been here ever since!
- [Other Rat People Chime in] Ever Since! There's no way out!
- Dib: Oh come on, getting lost in a parking garage did not turn you all into horrible Rat People
- Rat Woman: I was once, a maaaan!
- Dib: But.... You're a woman!
- Rat Person: You'll be just like us soon!
- Dib: I don't think so, I think I see the Exit over there, see ya!
- Voice Unknown: IGGINS!!!!!
Halloween Spectacular of Spooky Doom [1.12]
- Zim: Where are we?
- Dib: Some kind of alternate universe. It's based on my imagination somehow.
- Zim: And you brought me here?!? You sickening, troublesome human!
- [Zim activates his robot spider legs and approaches Dib threateningly]
- Dib: Hey! The only way out is through my head! Anything happens to me and you're stuck here forever!
- [Zim retracts his robot spider legs]
- Zim: Curse yoooouuuu! Wait- I can still do stuff to your legs, right?
- Dib: I guess, but- wait! No!
- Zim: Gah! Curse yoooouuuu!
- Dib: You're the only one who can help!
- Zim: Help?!? You?!?
- Dib: My dad won't let me use his equipment and I need to reverse the effects!
- Zim: Help!? You come to me, your greatest, most amazing enemy? Your future slave master and you ask for help!?
- Dib: You're the only other person with the technology to-
- Zim: Be gone with you! I have had enough of your nonsense from your smelly mouth filled with... CORN!
- Dib: I haven't been eating corn.
- Zim: LIAR!!!
- [Title comes on that says dramatic reinactment]
- Zim: I was out playing like any normal Earth larva when he came looking for trouble.
- Actor playing Dib: Heyy new kid, give me your lunch moneys!
- Actor playing Zim: [with British accent] But I need these monies to buy nutrients.
- Actor playing Dib: Give me the moneys or i'll tell everyone you're an alien!
- Dib: That's not how it happened!
- Host: Restrain him![hear Dib hollering in the background then the reenactment continues]
- GIR: Then a giant squirrel showed up.
- Zim: GIR!!
- Host: [to Zim] Let her talk! Can't you see she's upset? [to GIR] Now, don't you mean, Dib showed up?
- GIR: No! The squirrel showed up first. Then Dib showed up.
- Actor playing Dib: [points to man in squirrel costume] AAGHHHH, what is that?
- GIR: And then the squirrel ate Dib's greasy head. [man in squirrel costume proceeds to mutilate Actor Dib's head as the other actors back away terrified] And then the squirrel flew away! [man in squirrel costume gets picked up by cables] After that, he flew back to his home planet to fight all the bad guys. [costume rips and man falls on two actors in alien costumes]
- Host: ...What does that have to do with anything?!?
- GIR: Me 'n the squirrel are friends.
- Torque: [Back in the auditorium][In a somewhat disgruntled tone] Pffft. I didn't know that!
- Prof. Membrane: I made the Perpetual Energy Generator, or, as I call her, PEG. Tonight, I activate it. If it works, we never have to worry about power again! If it doesn't, it'll send out a wave of doom that will destroy all life on Earth!
- Spectator: What was that last part?
- [Dib's future self concludes a lengthy explanation as to how he's in the past]
- Future Dib: ...So, it's up to you now.
- Dib: Wow. I'm boring! Do I always explain everything like this?
Door to Door
- [In the classroom a student is held in mid air by a harness and is stacking cards in a tower]
- Ms. Bitters: Now, add the dead weight of students like you.
- [The child adds a huge stack of cards to the tower. It sways dangerously]
- Ms. Bitters: So you can see, children, that our whole society is nothing more than a perilous house of cards...
- [The tower collapses into a heap]
- Ms. Bitters: ...destined to collapse under its own weight!
- Ms. Bitters: Children, your performance was miserable. Your parents will all receive phone calls instructing them to love you less now.
- School Children: Awww...
- Zim: I am here, Dib worm, and I have sold over 1.2 million revolting candy units! [He drops his fistful of money and walks over to Ms. Bitters, who is holding a package. She hides it behind her back.] I am prepared to receive the power of the mystery prize! GIVE TO ZIM!
- Ms. Bitters: Well, this has never happened before. [She prepares to tear open the package.] Zim, your prize is... [She tears open the package. Zim grunts in anticipation and wriggles his fingers. Ms. Bitters examines a piece of paper that was inside the package.] Your prize is nothing. [Zim's eyes widen.] There is no mystery prize! they just made it up to make kids work harder for no money.
- Zim: Eh?
- Ms. Bitters: As a consolation, here's some tuna. [She pulls a can of tuna out of the package and hands it to Zim. Zim lifts the can of tuna into the air.]
- Zim: Curse you, Poop Dawg! CURSE YOU!!!
- [A shockwave of energy shoots from the can of tuna and through the class. It causes Brian, Dib, Sara, Aki, Rob, Melvin, Zita, and Mathew P. Mathers III's desks to tip over. It also causes Chunk to shoot upward into the ceiling and Tae's desk to set on fire. Cut to Poop Dawg in his gangsta specter of defeat robes. He laughs evilly and then coughs.]
FBI Warning of Doom
- Zim: This is the hundredth time, GIR. You have to stop watching this thing or- AH, WHAT IS THAT?! A warning!?! Oh no! Oh no! FBI!?! Who is this FBI!?! What are they trying to warn us about!?!
- GIR: Shhhhh!
- [Zim grunts and howls like a monkey as he runs into the kitchen. The phone rings and GIR answers it.]
- Video Store Clerk: Return that movie!
- GIR: You got any of them taquitos?
- Zim: Computer! Give me all the information you have on the FBI.
- Computer: The FBI is a government law enforcement agency.
- Zim: Continue.
- Computer: Insufficient data.
- Zim: Insufficient data! Can't you just make an educated guess?
- Computer: Okaaaaaay... uh... founded in 1492 by, uh... demons, the FBI is a crack law enforcement agency designed to... uh, I dunno, fight... aliens?
- Zim: I knew it! This is baaaad! This is so baaaad!
- Zim: GIR! That movie is some kind of government spying tool! Quickly! Eat it!
- [The phone rings.]
- Zim: Hello? (with voice a little deep) Hello? (with voice getting deep) Hello? [with his voice synthetically deeper] Good, Okay. Hello, how I may help you today?
- Video Store Clerk: I'm through playin' around! You better return that video or else! This is your final warning!
- Zim: I'm sorry, I do not know what you are talking about. I am normal.
- Video Store Clerk: If that thing isn't in the drop-off box by the time we open tomorrow, you're gonna paaaaaayyyyy... late fees.
Battle of the Planets
- Hologram: My people worked themselves into extinction making our planet a working vessel!
- Zim: Why would you do that?
- Hologram: Because it's cool.
- GIR: *nods* Mmm-hmm.
- Zim: Mission accomplished, my Tallest! I have rid this solar system of Mars!
- Tallest Purple: I thought you were trying to destroy the Earth.
- Zim: Oh! Yes. That! You heard wrong! This time I was trying to get rid of Mars. You know, just a little warm up before I destroy the humans! Yeah, see, I'll do Earth next! I'm an unstoppable death machine, you know.
- Blue-eyed Alien: But enough philosophy.
- Zim: But we haven't been talking about-
- Blue-eyed Alien: Let the hideous experiments begin!
- Zim:I was lying.
- Green-eyed Alien: We will begin by fusing you to this other human.
- Zim: That's no human, that's a gopher!
- Blue-eyed Alien: Silence!
The Sad, Sad Tale of Chickenfoot
- Customer: [angrily, with a bowl of coleslaw right in front of him] I want my slaw!
- Eric: You have your slaw, sir.
- Customer: [angrily] I want my slaw!
- Eric: You have your slaw, sir.
- Customer: [angrily] I want my slaw!!!
- Eric: You have your slaw, sir.
- Reporter 1: You mean Chickenfoot was a fraud all along?
- Dib: This just proves that paranormal studies isn't a bunch of crazies believing in anything! We also disprove the frauds!
- Reporter 2: I'll bet this means Bigfoot is a fraud too!
- Reporter 1: And UFOs!
- Reporter 2: And hobos!
- Dib: No wait! Those are real! Except the hobos. Wait, no. They're real. I...I guess. But- what's wrong with you people?!?
- Zim: And then, THEN, Dib says, "RAR!" in front of the whole class! Filthy slug. Mrs. Bitters called on ME, understand? Filthy squirmy Dib! SQUIRMY!
- Kid: What are you talking about? Who are you?
- Zim: I can't believe the things that H-H-HUMAN has done to me. ME! [makes angry noises] DIB! [more angry noises]
- Kid: Why are you following me? I don't even go to your school!
- Zim: And the- OH! He makes me so mad! The horrible puny brain meat child. With his little glasses and his [angry noises] HEAD!
- Kid: [runs into house and shuts door]
- Zim: My name is Dib with my pointy hair. POINTY HAIR! I eat food and have stuff!
- Zim: I've put up with you long enough, Dib! Now fight an enemy you cannot see!
- Dib: ...You're right there.
- [Zim gasps, then scoots over. Dib points at him again]
- Dib: There! Your mighty Irken cloaking device cloaks the robot, but not you.
- Zim: LIES! Now behold the doom cannon!
- Dib: I can't. It's invisible.
- Zim: But you can see me?
- Dib: That's what I said.
- Zim: Oh, that's STUPID!
- Dib: Really stupid.
- Zim: You dare agree with me? Prepare to meet your horrible doom!
- Delouser: Level 1 infestation, ma'am.
- Countess von Verminstrassor: A level 1... I am Countess von Verminstrassor, the Delouser! For your own good, you will cooperate! You have lice, and until your condition improves, you will be detained here indefinitely!
- Dib: You can't really make us stay here...
- Countess von Verminstrassor: You dare question me, question my methods!? You, who stands to benefit the most from my work!? You disgust me!
- Ms. Bitters: What a nice lady.
- Dib: All I said was-
- Countess von Verminstrassor: Silence! Let the delousing begin!
- Dib: Keep quiet Melvin, and we'll-.
- Melvin: (Freaking out) No, no, LICE QUEEN! AHHHH!!!!
- Dib: That, wasn't every quiet.
- Delouser: What are you doing you here?
- Dib: What... are YOU doing out here?!?
- Delouser: Using... MIND TRICKS!!!
Tak: The Hideous New Girl
- [After Tak finishes explaining her past]
- Zim: Yes, yes, so you blame me for your horrible life, blah, blah, blah, BIG DEAL!
- Tak: This is about taking your mission, Zim, not revenge!
- Zim: You're after revenge?!?
- Tak: NOOOOOO! It's not about revenge! It's about taking what's rightfully mine. I should have been an invader! I should have been part of the Great Assigning! I shouldn't HAVE to be stealing THIS planet from YOU!
- Zim: [pause] YOU'RE AFTER MY ROBOT BEE!!
- Tak: NOOOOOOO!!!! Listen to me. Listen...carefully!
- Zim: Hmm? Hmm? Hmmmmmm?
- Tak: I'm a better invader than you could ever be. I blend in perfectly. The plan I have in store for this nasty rock will so impress the Tallest that they'll have no choice but to make me an invader.
- Zim: WHAT IS THIS-- [lowers his tone] And what is this plan?
- Tak: [laughs softly]
- Zim: Yeah, yeah, I'm a master of comedy. Now tell me this plan!
- Tak: Part One involves crippling your base, so that you could only watch... AS I RUIN YOUR LIFE!!!!
- [Her SIR unit unleashes nanites that consume Zim's base]
- Zim: [horrified] MY BEAUTIFUL BASE!!!
- Tak: Part Two is--
- Zim: NOOOOOOOOOO, MY BEAUTIFUL BASE!!! NOOOOOOOOOO!!!
- Tak: [irritated] Part Two is--
- Zim: NOOOOOOOOOO, MY BEAUTIFUL BASE!!! NOOOOOOOOOO!!!
- Tak: Part Two is--
- Zim: NOOOOOOOOOO!!!
- Tak: Part--
- Zim: NOOOOOOOOOO!!!
- Tak: Okay, I'm--
- Zim: NOOOOOOOOOO!!!
- Tak: Okay, I'm leaving now.
- Zim: [calmly] But you didn't tell me your plan.
- Tak: The great thing about your people, Dib, is that most of them don't notice. All they see is another faceless corporate venture, not a plan for world conquest!
- Dib: Wait. Is there really a difference?
- [Zim busts through the wall with the Voot Runner]
- Zim: It's over, Tak! The earth is mine to devastate! And I've already promised the moon to GIR.
- Dib: Zim! How did you know we'd be here?
- Zim: I placed a tracking device on you!
- Dib: Tracking device? Where?
- [Dib turns around to reveal GIR clinging to his head]
- GIR: Your head smells like a puppy!
GIR Goes Crazy and Stuff
- Zim: Once I have tainted the human's meat supply with filth, the planet will be ripe for the taking. Soon the name of Invader Zim will be synonymous with... DOOKIE! GIR! Bring me cows.
- GIR: [in duty mode] Yes sir! [out of duty mode] I like dookie!
- Zim: [voiceover] Sometimes I'm afraid to find out what's going on in that insane head of yours...
- [From GIR's point of view, the cows on the field turn into hot dogs wearing tuxedos and top-hats]
- Weenies: Dance with us, GIR! Dance with us into oblivion!
- GIR: [in duty mode] The knowledge, it fills me. It is neat.
- Zim: GIR! You've drained enough humans today!
- GIR: [in duty mode] Data canister is not yet full!
- Zim: I command you to get out of here before we're noticed... some more.
Dib's Wonderful Life of Doom
- [Dib throws a muffin at Zim's head]
- Zim: What? WHO?!
- Gaz: That... that was horrible.
- Zim: [grabs muffin] WHO DID THIS?! Who dares to soil my normal boy head with this... PORK COW?!
- Poonchy: That's a stinking muffin!
- Zim: SILENCE! Whatever this is, I will find the beast who threw it! I WILL FIND YOU!! Sleep peacefully now, for it is the last peaceful sleep you will know from this moment on!
- Classmate: But we're not asleep right now!
- [Zim stares at the watching classmates before running away, screaming. Dib snickers.]
- Gaz: Actually, that was kinda funny.
- [Dib is asleep in bed. Two aliens fly in and wake him up. They transform into shoes]
- Dib: What? What's happening?! Who... what are you, and why did you transform into giant shoes?
- Meekrob: We are beings of pure energy. This is merely a form your human brain can understand.
- Dib: But you just looked like aliens before you turned into shoes.
- Meekrob: Hmmm. Yes, but you couldn't comprehend that.
- Dib: Yes, I could.
- Zim: With my mighty fists of horror and unstoppable cruelty, I am the tool of destruction, vengeance and fury!
- Sgt. Hobo: I only asked for your name! Next!
- Throbulator: I am Throbulator! I am a creature of pure headache! Yeeow, my head!
- Sgt. Hobo: Your name! That's all I want! Gah!
- Skoodge: Invader Skoodge, sir!
- Zim: Skoodge? I thought the Almighty Tallest killed you!
- Skoodge: Yeah, but I'm okay now.
- Sgt. Hobo: Prepare yourselves, you slime-licking smort crabs, to face a series of trials! The finish line is the dreaded fortress of pain! Any mistakes and you will be beamed away, to a losers' holding pen! The holding pen... of pain!
- Throbulator: The holding pen is painful?
- Sgt. Hobo: Yes!
- Throbulator: Does it have to be?!?
- Sgt.Hobo: Not really.
Walk for Your Lives
- Zim: That's it! Time!
- GIR: What you say?
- Zim: If I can bring the time field around the explosion back up to regular speed, it'll fix everything!
- GIR: No it won't...
- Zim: The explosion will blow up like normal and be gone forever!
- GIR: But won't it just explode? Just like this! KABLAM!
- Zim: Do not interrupt my being ingenious!
- Zim's Computer: But seriously Zim if you just speed up the explosion-
- Zim: I don't pay you to contradict me!
- Zim's Computer: You don't... pay me at all...
- GIR: [being used as a catapult for an accelerator to speed up the explosion] But if the big 'splodey goes fast, won't it get all bad?
Season 2 (2002; 2004; 2006)
The Most Horrible X-Mas Ever [2.1]
- Mall Santa: And what do you want for Christmas little boy or girl?
- GIR: I wants me a barrel of flies, I wants me two balls of glue...to be my friends! And I wants to go dancin' naked! And I wants...
- [Time passes; Santa looks extremely annoyed]
- GIR: ...and a chair made of cheese, and a table made of cheese, and a...
- Mall Santa: Ugh! No more! Get this kid away from me!
- Kid: I don't get it! Why does he want to take over the Earth so badly? What does he have to gain, or to lose? And the mechanizations of this malfunctioning Santa suit completely elude me!
- Snowman: [Stares at the kid, then picks him up by the head and places him under the bed] As I was saying...
Backseat Drivers From Beyond the Stars [2.2]
- Zim: GIR!
- [A turkey sitting next to Zim explodes, revealing GIR]
- GIR: It's ME! I was the turkey all along!
- Zim: I was wondering what that turkey was doing there. GIR! I'm delaying the brain parasite plan for now. I want you to-
- GIR: I was the turkey! Me!
- Zim: Yes...so you were...
- Tallest Red: Identify yourself.
- Lardy Nar: [disguised deep voice] We are the Resisty! And we have come to-
- Tallest Purple: Whoa, whoa whoa. Did you say the Resisty?
- Lardy Nar: Yes the Resisty! And we have come to-
- Tallest Purple: That's a stupid name.
- Lardy Nar: [regular voice] See! I told you it was stupid! Why do I keep listening to yours?
- Spleenk: I don't know.
Mortos Der Soulstealer [2.3a]
- [Dib and Zim are on opposite sides of the road]
- Dib: Zim!
- Zim: What?!?
- Dib: Zim!
- Zim: What?!?
- Dib: Zim!
- Zim: What?!?
- Dib: [screaming] You won't get away with it!!
- Zim: [struggling to hear Dib] ...that's very nice of you.
- Dib: No! Your plan, I'm going to stop you! I got a secret weapon!
- Zim: Where is it?
- Dib: Around...
- Zim: Can it protect you from ... T-T-T-T-THIS?! [GIR opens up the top of his puppy suit]
- GIR: SAMMICH! [his head opens and a sandwich flies out, hitting Dib and knocking him against the wall]
- [Zim laughs maniacally as the two begin to walk off]
- GIR: I had a sammich in my head!
- Dib: Laugh now, space monster! But my weapon is so powerful, it... buys rubber pants!
- Mortos: [finishing his soda] Ah, Refreshing! Mortos grant wish now! [to Dib] What you want again? Hello?
- [Dib, busily wrestling Zim, doesn't hear Mortos. Da' Cone walks by Mortos]
- Da' Cone: Wee-hoo! I wish I had me some ice cream!
- Mortos: Your wish is granted!
- [Mortos summons a demon ice cream man that hands the pedestrian an ice cream cone]
- Da' Cone: Well whaddya know? [takes a lick] Ew, raisin.
- [He throws the ice cream to the ground]
- Dib: Noooo!
- Mortos: Mortos so weak... I need to go return now…
- Dib: Nooo! Mortos, you still owe me!
- Mortos: Maybe next time you not be so cheap with Mortos. See you in a thousand years!
Zim Eats Waffles [2.3b]
- [While Dib watches the scene using a spy camera installed into Zim's house]
- GIR: Guess who made waffles!
- Zim: I'm not going to eat-
- GIR: [screams]
- Zim: Enough! I shall try some already! [takes a bite] Well, they don't seem to be making me sick. You know, I think this will be a good way to build a tolerance to the human's filthy food! Okay, GIR. I will try-
- GIR: Hehehehehehe! [runs to get more waffles]
- Zim: And as soon as I'm done with these waffles, I will discuss my evil plan!
- Zim: Hey, do you know who came by today?
- GIR: Hm?
- Zim: That ugly neighbor lady. She was wearing this horrible...
- [An evil looking squid pokes his head into the kitchen. Zim looks and it quickly leaves]
- Zim: Huh?
- [The squid leaps onto Zim's head and thrashes him about]
- Zim: Oh mighty dung! The giant flesh-eating demon squid has escaped!
- Zim: Hey, these aren't bad! What's in 'em?
- GIR: There's waffle in 'em!
- [Zim pauses, then yells, stepping up on the table]
- Zim: YOU'RE LYING!!!
The Girl Who Cried Gnome [2.4a]
- Zim: The Dib- the Dib! I don't care how delicious he is, he's evil! Now they'll find the base! There's only one thing to do!
- GIR: You gonna make biscuits?! You gonna make biscuits?! You gonna make biscuits?! You gonna make biscuits?!
- Zim: No, GIR. Never. I never want you to mention biscuits ever again.
- [GIR gets a shocked expression]
- Zim's Computer: There's someone at the door.
- Zim: Oh, what is it? I have not the patience for- AAAAAH! Girl with cookies! Girl with cookies!
Dibship Rising [2.4b]
- Prof. Membrane: [on a video monitor] Kids, I'm glad we could have this dinnertime recording together. Now, Gaz, if you could just put that can of beans in the proton oven! Be sure to take them out of the can or the explosion will destroy all human life!
- [Gaz puts the unopened can in the proton oven, but the power goes out]
- Gaz: Dib!
- Dib: Sorry, Gaz! Just doing a few adjustments on Tak's ship!
- [The power comes back on. Gaz adds two more cans then starts the oven. The bottom blows off in a small explosion]
- Gaz:That didn't wipe out all life as we know it?!? You lied to me, Dad!
- Gaz: Hey, you're getting pieces of wall in the food!
- Teacher: Dwicky! Do you really believe in aliens?!?
- Dwicky: [laughs] Not anymore! All the child-like wonder was ripped from my heart the day my foot got stuck in an escalator and aliens didn't come rescue me! No, I'll just humor Dib until he tells me what the real problem is.
- Teacher: [spazzes out] AGH! That's...psycho-technical talk!! [falls to the floor]
- Dwicky: Indeed it is.
- [Zim stuffs a globe into a goldfish bowl, goldfish is crushed against side of bowl]
- Zim: Now do you understand my latest and most brilliant plan for earth conquest, GIR?
- GIR: I'm gonna eat that fish.
- Zim: No, GIR. The fish is part of the plan.
The Voting of the Doomed [2.5b]
- Ms. Bitters: The candidates will now speak. And then be quiet! And then I go away from you all.
- Zim: As president, I will assure that all mankind has its legs sawed off!
- Zim: [nervously] And, uh, replaced with legs of pure gold!
- [The students smile approvingly]
- Zim: Yes! And I will grant you the power to fire lasers from your heads!
- The Letter M: I like gold!
- Morla: I like my head!
- Zim: Vote for Zim or I'll destroy you! Vote for Zim or I'll destroy you!
- Dib: Ms. Bitters! Zim is threatening the voters! He's disqualified, right?
- Ms. Bitters: [to an administration droid] The child shrieks like a fruit bat.
- [The droid slams another muzzle around Dib's head]
Gaz, Taster of Pork [2.6]
- [Dib casts a spell on Gaz without knowing what it does. The spell wakes Gaz up]
- Gaz: If there's one thing you should know by now, it's to stay out of my room!
- Dib: Do you feel different anyway?
- Gaz: Get out!
- Dib: X-ray vision, maybe? Super-smell?
- Gaz: That's it, Dib! Security!
- [Gaz's stuffed animals transform into robots with weapons. They advance on Dib who runs away screaming]
- [Gaz is in an isolation chamber after the spell Dib casts on her goes wrong. Dib is visiting her]
- Gaz: I'll make you wish you had rabid weasels teleported into your skull instead of having a sister! I'll wait until you sleep and stuff all your paranormal junk into your big, giant paranormal head and chew on your eyeballs after I pluck them out!
- [Dib runs screaming from the room]
The Frycook That Came from All That Space [2.7]
- [Zim collapse from exhaustion and lands face down in a bucket of water]
- Sizz-Lorr: Break's over, Zim! Go man the register!
- Zim: Whuh?
- Sizz-Lorr: The register! Gashloog is taking his break! Now move it!!
- [Gashloog takes off his apron and skips gleefully out the door]
- Zim: Gashloog gets to take a break without exploding! Why not me?
- Sizz-Lorr: Because I hired him! You're here as punishment for almost annihilating our civilization!
- Zim: Am I the only one who is impressed by that?
- [GIR is talking to the Tallest via a video communicator]
- GIR: ...and then my master flew to the moon on a rocket of flamin' cheese! I like cheese!
- [Dib shoves GIR out of the way]
- Dib: Can I ask you something? What are your species' main weaknesses? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh?
- Tallest Purple: Who's that large-headed kid?
- Tallest Red: I don't know, but his head is large.
- Dib: [clears throat] Excuse me, alien scum? Gimme your planet's coordinates!
- [last lines of the series]
- Zim: Home! A sweet victory for Zim! It is good to be back, good to be Zim! Huh!?! [Zim notices Dib and GIR dancing in the living room. Dib holds a camera. The Tallest watch from the transmission screen that replaces the green monkey picture. Dib looks into the camera.] Hey! Get out of my house! [Dib drops the camera.] Get out!
- [Zim runs over to usher Dib out and steps on the camera.]
- Dib: Hey! Hey! [continuous]
- [Zim chases Dib around the house. The TV plays a Bloaty's commercial.]
- Zim: Get out of the house of Zim! This is my house, get out! Get-
- [Aboard the Massive, Red ends the transmission with a remote, ending the series]
- Zim - Richard Steven Horvitz
- GIR - Rosearik Rikki Simons
- Dib - Andy Berman
- Gaz - Melissa Fahn