- I would masturbate in a red speedo.
- Gillian Anderson, when asked what would she do if she and David Duchovny switched bodies for a week. Reddit "Gillian Anderson here. I've brought David Duchovny with me. Ask us anything, we'll answer almost everything." (October 12, 2013)
- If God had intended us not to masturbate, he would've made our arms shorter.
- George Carlin, quoted in Strean Jokes: Their Purpose and Meaning (1993), p. 72.
- When scolded for masturbating in public, he said "I wish it were as easy to banish hunger by rubbing my belly."
- We know that more than seventy to eighty percent of women masturbate, and ninety percent of men masturbate, and the rest lie.
- Masturbation is the thinking man's television.
- Christopher Hampton Jonathan, in The Philanthropist (1969)
- You're gonna be pleasing each other, and if he already knows what pleases him, and he's gonna please himself, then why am I in the picture?
- Christine O'Donnell, "IX: The Safest Sex of All", Sex in the 90s (MTV), 1996
- In this room, right now, each of you, in your own lives, has agonized over the fact that you have masturbated. Masturbation isn't sinful. If it feels good — do it. You have my blessing, and you yourself know how it relaxes you.
- I didn't get to masturbate this morning, and I've been dying to, so I've gotta go.
- This is a strange -- and rather alarming -- realisation. For it clearly implies that masturbation is one of our highest faculties that human beings have developed. Many animals masturbate -- but never without the presence of another animal, or some similar stimulus. A human being can masturbate in an empty room: a triumph of pure imagination.
- Colin Wilson in The Misfits , p. 90.
- watch carefully over the young man; he can protect himself from all other foes, but it is for you to protect him against himself. Never leave him night or day, or at least share his room; never let him go to bed till he is sleepy, and let him rise as soon as he wakes. Distrust instinct as soon as you cease to rely altogether upon it. Instinct was good while he acted under its guidance only; now that he is in the midst of human institutions, instinct is not to be trusted; it must not be destroyed, it must be controlled, which is perhaps a more difficult matter. It would be a dangerous matter if instinct taught your pupil to abuse his senses; if once he acquires this dangerous habit he is ruined. From that time forward, body and soul will be enervated; he will carry to the grave the sad effects of this habit, the most fatal habit which a young man can acquire. If you cannot attain to the mastery of your passions, dear Emile, I pity you; but I shall not hesitate for a moment, I will not permit the purposes of nature to be evaded. If you must be a slave, I prefer to surrender you to a tyrant from whom I may deliver you; whatever happens, I can free you more easily from the slavery of women than from yourself.