Meet the Fockers
Meet the Fockers is a 2004 comedy film and a sequel to Meet the Parents starring Robert De Niro, Ben Stiller, Teri Polo, Blythe Danner and Owen Wilson. Both are directed by Jay Roach. In addition to De Niro, Stiller, Polo, Danner and Wilson, Meet the Fockers stars Dustin Hoffman and Barbra Streisand.
- Directed by Jay Roach. Written by Jim Herzfeld and John Hamburg. And you thought your parents were embarrassing. taglines
- Now, I've never met your parents, so I'm not going to jump to any hasty conclusions. But, like studying a frozen caveman, if I can see where you came from, I'll have a much better idea of where you're going.
- I said "No monkey business"!!
- I'm not so sure this wedding is such a good idea. I don't like what I'm seeing from these Fockers.
- We have to get out of this place. It is EVIL.
- (to Jack) I'm wondering why you run around with a rubber boob strapped to your chest!
- Jack, I am not going to make any excuses. Yes, Little Jack wouldn't stop crying so I gave him some hugs and I let him watch TV. I went to answer the phone, I was gone for a second, I came back, he let himself out of the playpen, he put on Scarface, and he glued his hands to the rum bottle. Okay? That's it.
- Mom, I'm truly not comfortable having this conversation with you. I've been telling you that since I was eleven.
- [into Jack's spy-camera, during end credits] Hey, look at me, Jack. What am I? [gruff voice] I am a frozen caveman! Study me, Jack! Learn how strange the Focker genetic code is! We are weird mutants who hug and kiss! We show emotion! [growls] Jack must learn from us, and chip away with his hammer of truth! Wooga-booga!
- Judge Ira: Bingo, bango, bongo!
- Jack Byrnes: [After Bernie wrecks Jack's toilet to save his dog Moses] So much for the protection of our rolling safe house.
- Dina Byrnes: Oh, honey, he was trying to save his pet. I mean, what if it was Jinxy who got flushed into a toilet?
- Jack Byrnes: Mr. Jinx has had extensive aquatic training. He would have known exactly what to do in the event of a submersion.
- [Mr. Jinx purrs]
- Jack Byrnes: [After Greg fails to understand L.J.] That's not the sign for poop, that's the sign for milk! This is the sign for poop! [Does "poop" gesture]
- Greg: Well, what's the sign for sour milk, because this, uh, tastes a little funky.
- Jack Byrnes: That's because that's from Debbie's left breast, Greg.
- [Greg spits it out. L.J. giggles.]
- Jack Byrnes: Greg, a man reaches a certain age when he realizes what's truly important. Do you know what that is?
- Greg Focker: Love, friendship... just love, I think.
- Jack Byrnes: His legacy.
- Greg Focker: That, too.
- Jack Byrnes: If your family's circle joins in my family's circle, they'll form a chain. I can't have a chink in my chain.
- Jack Byrnes: I don't care if they did call you Larry Poppins. You are completely unfit to handle a child.
- Greg Focker: It was Barry Poppins.
- Jack Byrnes: What kind of a sick cocktail were you going to make my grandson?
- Roz Focker: Jack, the baby's teething. I told Greg to give him some rum to ease the pain.
- Jack Byrnes: It was your idea?
- Roz Focker: Yes.
- Jack Byrnes: What is wrong with you people?!
- Bernie Focker: You people?
- Dina Byrnes: I used to rub bourbon on Denny's gums.
- Jack Byrnes: Yeah! Look what happened to him. Greg, you couldn't follow a simple set of instructions?
- Greg Focker: Jack, he was screaming. So I went in and I gave him a little attention. Okay?
- Jack Byrnes: He's learning to self-soothe. These setbacks are disastrous for his development.
- Roz Focker: The child is adorable, but you're not raising Little Buddha over here.
- Greg Focker: Mom...
- Jack Byrnes: What are you saying?
- Roz Focker: I'm saying that I have seen that kid eat at least 15 boogers since he's been here. And I've got news for you, Jack,. Prodigies don't eat their own boogers.
- Jack Byrnes: And I have news for you. Prodigies don't come in 10th place every time either.
- Pam Byrnes: Okay, Dad. That's my fiancee.
- Jack Byrnes: I'm sorry. It's just that I've never seen people celebrate mediocrity the way you do.
- Roz Focker: Why? Because we love our son? We hug our son? Let's get down to it. The truth is, you're so concerned about that Little Jack, but I think that it's the Little Jack in you that is crying out for a hug.
- Jack Byrnes: The Little Jack in me? [Greg is getting extremely frustrated]
- Roz Focker: Jack, you have issues. I'm trying to understand why you run around with a rubber boob strapped to your chest. I mean, were you ever breastfed?
- Greg Focker: Mom, stop.
- Bernie Focker: Key question!
- Roz Focker: My guess is no.
- Jack Byrnes: Would you spare my the drugstore psychology?
- Greg Focker: [everyone starts arguing] Everybody! All right. Everybody just... Everybody just STOP! Okay?! [the arguing stops] Jack, I'm not going to make any excuses. Yes, Little Jack wouldn't stop crying, so I gave him some hugs and I let him watch TV. I went to answer the phone, I was gone a second, I came back in, he let himself out of the playpen, he put on Scarface, and he glued his hands to the rum bottle. Okay? That's it.
- Greg Focker: [high on Truth Serum, giving a speech] Hello everybody. I am, uh, about to set sail on my ship... on the sea of life with my first mate - the beautiful Pamela Byrnes.
- Pam Byrnes: Love you, baby! (blows kiss)
- Greg Focker: [drunkenly blows back kiss, pauses] I still masturbate to Pam. What? She's hot - check out those boobs. I just wanna lather 'em up with soap and... [blabbers incoherently] rub my face in 'em. I could take a vacation in there. What? Gosh, sorry for you being perfect! And there's another wonderful lady in the audience, my future mother-in-law Dina Byrnes! Dina-Dina-Bo-Bina-I-love-Dina! Byrnes! You know they say you can tell from looking at the mother what your wife will look like in the future - well, I'ma looking, and I'm-a LIKIN... [sees Jorge] In my first... passionate sexual awakening, I made sweet, sweet love to my housekeeper, Isabel.
- Pam Byrnes: Come on, honey, that was in the past, so sit down.
- Greg Focker: No, no, no, baby - I gotta get this off my chest.
- Pam Byrnes: Please... sit.
- Greg Focker: We conceived a child. And his name is Jorge Villalobos. Come on up here, Jorge. This is the fruit of my loins. Come on! Search your feelings, Jorge. You know it to be true. Yo soy tu papa! Yeah, I know, a lot of information to take in. Give that boy a hand. [everyone applauds] Oh, and Jack? PAM'S PREGNANT. [Pam gasps in horror] Focker... out. [falls backward, passing out]
- Dina Byrnes: Oh, stuff your muskrat, Jack! He shot Greg with truth serum before his speech.
- Greg Focker: What?!
- Dina Byrnes: [holds up the truth serum vial] I found this in his pocket.
- Pam Byrnes: [annoyed] Here we go again, Dad.
- Dina Byrnes: He did the same thing to Pam's junior prom date!
- Greg Focker: [suddenly remembering what happened] Wait a minute. Yes. Yes! Wait a minute! You stuck a needle in my neck!
- Roz Focker: You drugged my son?!
- Jack Byrnes: I had no choice. He refuses to tell the truth.
- Roz Focker: [defensively] Because he's terrified and thinks he has to impress you. He's had us trying to impress you, but in my opinion, Jack, I think it's you, who should be trying to impress us!
- Little Jack: Ass...hole.
- Robert De Niro - Jack Tiberius Byrnes
- Ben Stiller - Gaylord "Greg" Focker
- Dustin Hoffman - Bernard "Bernie" Focker
- Barbra Streisand - Rosalind "Roz" Focker
- Teri Polo - Pamela "Pam" Byrnes
- Blythe Danner - Dina Byrnes
- Spencer and Bradley Pickren - Little Jack
- Alanna Ubach - Isabel Villalobos
- Ray Santiago - Jorge Villalobos
- Owen Wilson - Kevin Rawley
- Terem - Moses
- And you thought your parents were embarrassing.
- Misery loves family.