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Misfits (TV series)/Season 3

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Misfits is a British black comedy-drama series about a group of young offenders forced to work in a community service programme, where they attain preternatural powers after a strange electrical storm. The first series started broadcasting on 12 November 2009 on E4 and the finale aired on 11 December 2013, and was produced by Clerkenwell Films.

Episode 1

[edit]
Rudy: [At Seth's door slot] Right, I need to speak to the... cool, mysterious... power guy. Is he... is he in?
Rudy: [Walks onto tower block rooftop and sees Rudy 2 at edge] Oh... what the fuck... do you think you're doing?
Rudy Two: You think you can get rid of me? I'm a part of you.
Rudy: Cool power guy with the suits, he could've sorted all this bullshit out, but, oh no, you had to make a big drama, didn't you?
Rudy Two: I'm not gonna let you bury me. I'm staying right here.
Rudy: Oh, you're such a whiny little bitch!
Rudy Two: You hate me, you hate yourself.
Rudy: Nobody loves themselves more than I do. I'd fuck myself in a heartbeat, wouldn't I?
Rudy Two: So we're back to the whole, "I'm gay", thing there, really, aren't we?
Rudy: What you bringing that up for? I'm not gay.
Rudy Two: D'you remember that time in PE, when you were in the showers and you got turned on watching Richard Saunders soaping his balls?
Rudy: Oh, it's pathetic! It's sad.
Rudy Two: You thought about it when you were screwing the fake vagina you made out of Mum's rubber gloves.
Rudy: [Fighting clone] Ah...! Out of order, out of order.
Rudy Two: You trying to fuck me?
Rudy: I'm gonna fucking kill you!
Rudy Two: I am you!
Rudy: You're nothing to do with me! [They fall over edge merely landing on a lower rooftop]
Rudy Two: Rudy! [Groans] That could've gone horribly wrong, that. You could have killed us.
Rudy Two: Shut up whining.
Rudy: [Walks up to Shaun at vending machine] You're not gonna ask about me limp?
Shaun: No.
Rudy: No, of course not! 'Cause that would just be doing your job, wouldn't it? I'm not sure you're cut out to be a probation worker, mate.
Shaun: Is that right?
Rudy: Yeah.
Shaun: When you're finished with the careers advice, you can piss off and pick up some litter with [referring to Tanya and Charlie] those other two shitheads.
Rudy: Right. [Shaun emasculatingly pats him on cheek and walks away, to Tanya and Charlie] Before... all the accusations, recriminations start flying around, before harmony turns to discord and everyone starts shouting and jabbing their fingers at each other, right, I just want to say for the record, hand on heart, the other hand on a Bible, that it wasn't absolutely wasn't me who left the big floater in the toilet back there.
Aeronautics development manager: These are the designs for an intercontinental ballistic missile.
Kelly: Yeah, mate. Check out the propulsion system. It's liquid nitrogen, it's wicked.
Aeronautics development manager: Where did you get them?
Kelly: I drew 'em.
Aeronautics development manager: [Laughs] You? You honestly expect me to believe that?
Kelly: You think I nicked them? I fucking drew 'em. They're my designs!
Aeronautics development manager: Get her out of here.
Kelly: [Security attempts to manhandle her] Take your hand off me, you prick! I'm a fucking rocket scientist! [Security manhandles her away]
Kelly: These new powers are bullshit. I thought this power would make me dead clever and everything, but all I know is how to build and design rockets.
Curtis: I guess it does exactly what it says on the tin.
Kelly: Except there's no fucking tin with all the instructions on it. No one believes someone like me could be a rocket scientist.
Alisha: Well, you don't exactly look like a rocket scientist.
Kelly: Maybe I should get some glasses, make me look dead intelligent.
Curtis: Yeah, that'll do it.
Rudy: You've just had unprotected anal sex with that girl.
Rudy Two: I most certainly did. And she loved it.
Rudy: What if she's got HIV?
Rudy Two: Cute girls don't get HIV.
Rudy: You need to take her to the clinic, you need to get her to have some tests, get her a full work-up.
Rudy Two: Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa. D'you know how rare it is to find a girl who genuinely, honest to God, absolutely loves it up the arse?
Rudy Two: She totally knocked you back.
Rudy: She's playing hard to get, mate.
Rudy Two: She's out of your league. She's laughing her arse off at you. You can't go back in there. You gonna have to... Oh, climb through the window! Just go. C'mon.
Rudy: No! You'd love that, wouldn't you? Why don't I just go home and spend the rest of the night torturing myself about things I did when I was like 14?
Rudy Two: D'you mean the thing with the neighbor's cat?
Rudy: No! We do not talk about that! Right?
Rudy Two: Where are you going?
Rudy: Just fuck the fuck off.
Rudy: [Tanya froze time and bottled Rudy and put the bottle in Curtis' hand] You've... you've bottled me!
Curtis: What are you talking about?!
Rudy: This man just bottled me!
Curtis: I didn't do anything to you!
Rudy: [To Charlie] Me face! Am I still, am I still gorgeous?
Alisha: Why do we always have to get involved? Can't we just do normal stuff that normal people do, like... go for brunch?
Kelly: What the fuck is brunch?
Rudy: [After running from the cops with Simon and Kelly] I've got to stop smoking and doing loads of speed, me.
Kelly: [Curtis shows up] I thought they had you.
Curtis: No. I got away. I... [looks at Rudy] I did my thing.
Rudy: Ah! If that's some sort of vague reference to all this "power" bullshit, then don't worry, cause I am cool and the gang with all that. [To Simon] You're very starey.
Seth: And what can I do for you?
Kelly: There's this girl on the estate, yeah? She used a power to make it look like me and my mates trashed a car, the police are after us.
Seth: And you're telling me because?
Kelly: I thought you could do something about it, take her power or something.
Seth: Oh, right, did you? [Feigns searching at desk] Right, well, I'll just find my cape and tights and get on it.
Kelly: You think this is funny, don't you? Do you see me laughing?
Seth: I don't think I've ever seen you smile.
Kelly: 'Cause you always sit there with a massive shit-eating grin on your face. Mister Fucking Happy! Look, are you gonna do something about this girl or not?
Seth: I... really don't see that happening.
Kelly: You don't give a shit about anyone, do you?
Seth: I give a shit about me.
Kelly: And just so you know, this new power. It's rubbish.
Seth: But you're a rocket scientist.
Kelly: Yeah, and you're a dick!
Seth: Come by any time.
Shaun: [Notices dog-shaped charity donation bin missing] The little bastards. [Slams Rudy's locker shut] Which one of you fuckers took the dog?
Rudy: What dog? Was there even a dog?
Shaun: The charity box, for the blind? The Labrador, retriever, whatever the fuck it was. Who nicked it?
Rudy: What? I don't know nothing about no dog, man. Was there... was there a dog? Where is there... a dog?
Shaun: [Pokes sign into Rudy's throat] Who took it?
Rudy: Right... I really hate to be a grass... but I did see that strangely intense girl with slightly inadequate breasts, she was carrying something heavy and dog-shaped over to her locker before...
Shaun: Which one?
Rudy: It's number 43. [Shaun uses fire extinguisher to bust open locker]
Rudy: [Sees Tanya walking] Hey. [Gestures] Come here. Mm, come here. The probation worker's looking for you.
Tanya: And why's that?
Rudy: Because he seems to be under the impression that you've stolen a dog-shaped charity box, on account of him having found it in your locker. Mm! You fuck with me, I'll fuck with you right back with a cherry on top.
Tanya: You have no idea what I can do to you.
Rudy: You think you can use your little power to fi... x... this. But you're too late, because he's already reported you. And the cops are already coming. [Chuckles] You're going down, sweet child. Don't mess with the assman!
Rudy: [To Simon] So you're with Alisha, aren't you? That's great, man. I'm with that beautiful, innocent-looking girl down there. Yeah. She absolutely loves it up the arse! I know! I know, we're all just pussying around, aren't we? "Should I slip it up there?" "No, you can't. That's where she makes toilet." Turns out... Come here. Turns out... it's also the way to a woman's heart.
Kelly: You stick anything up my arse and I will break your face.
Rudy: It's just the posh ones. It's just the posh ones. Listen... just so you know, you don't have to worry about that girl who screwed with us, cos your Uncle Rudy's all over that shit like a motherfucker-r-r-r-r!
Simon: It doesn't matter.
Alisha: What, it doesn't matter that your girlfriend used to be called The Cock Monster?
Simon: We've all got a past. I've got... two pasts. All that matters is us, here, now. Do you know what they used to call me at school? The Pussy Meister.
Alisha: Shut up!
Simon: I was getting so much pussy, I didn't know what to do with it, just... loads of pussy, everywhere...
Alisha: Will you please stop saying "pussy"?
Rudy: How've you got in here?
Rudy Two: Broke a window.
Rudy: [Tuts] D'you know, this isn't working out for either of us. I think we should stay split.
Rudy Two: Per... permanently?
Rudy: Why not? You've had your moment in the sun. You've got it all off your chest. Consider me humiliated. You're your own man now. We can go our separate ways, separate lives. We don't have to see each other ever again. What d'you say? Maybe you could move to Wales,
Rudy Two: I've no fucking intention of going there! So you can walk around like you're happy all the time?
Rudy : It works for me. I don't need you turning up every time I feel down, reminding me of everything that makes me feel shit about meself.
Rudy Two: Yeah, but it's a part of who you are.
Rudy: No. It's a part of who you are. Mate, all this fighting, arguing, nobody wants to get stabbed in the shoulder with a pair of scissors. It's not cool, and it hurts. C'mon, man, let's just stay split. I'm gonna take your moody silence as a "yes".
Rudy Two: Try not to break another window on your way out.
Rudy: Jesus!
Rudy: [A cop car pulls up behind them] Don't get upset, but this isn't exactly my car.
Simon: Whose car is it?
Rudy: Nicked it off a man with a perm. A man, with a perm. What's that about?
Kelly: We can't get caught in no nicked car. We're all on probation.
Rudy: Maybe they'll let you off with a warning, love. [Skip to them all in the jumpsuits looking at Rudy] Honestly, guys... I thought they'd let you off with a warning.
Shaun: [Walks in clapping] That didn't take you long, did it? Congratulations.
Rudy: [To Kelly writing in a notebook on rooftop] What you doing?
Kelly: Designing a new propulsion system.
Rudy: Why?
Kelly: Because I'm a fucking rocket scientist!
Rudy: Ah! Are we doing catchphrases? Maybe we could all have one. Mine could be, "Now you see me... now you see two of me."
Curtis: Why do we need catchphrases?
Rudy: You know, for when shit goes down, man. Oh, c'mon, d'you really think we're just gonna spend the next seven weeks ambling about, picking up litter?
Simon: He's got a point.
Alisha: Yeah, well, maybe it'll be different this time. Maybe there won't be any shit going down.
Rudy: Oh, trust me, there'll be shit. It's in the air. I can smell it.

Episode 2

[edit]
Curtis: [Alisha notices Curtis noticing women in jogging attire and speaks to him with his walkman earbuds in, he pulls out walkman earbuds] What d'you say?
Alisha: I said, "Do you miss it?" The running?
Curtis: Ain't nothing I can do about it, is there? Why are you even asking?
Alisha: You're in a good mood.
Rudy: You should do the Lottery. Use your power. See the numbers. Take their trousers down, we'll stick it to 'em, split it 50/50.
Simon: Why should I split it with you?
Rudy: Because it was my idea, you! I'm the brains, you're the stare. Okay. 60/50.
Simon: [Chuckles] It's supposed to add up to 100.
Rudy: Whoa, don't even think about screwing me, [swipes Simon's cheek with paint scraper handle] sweet cheeks! 70/40. Final offer.
Simon: I don't get to choose what I see.
Rudy: Ah! Fine! 80/30. But I feel like I'm being raped here, and not in a good way.
Alisha: What are you smiling at?
Curtis: What? Am I not allowed to smile?
Alisha: You look like you just got laid.
Kelly: Have you just had a shag?
Curtis: Something like that.
Alisha: Who's the lucky girl?
Curtis: You don't know her.
Seth: [Looking under vehicle engine hood] Piece of shit! Won't start. I don't know why I opened the bonnet. I don't know what I'm looking at.
Kelly: D'you want me to take a look?
Seth: What, you know about cars?
Kelly: Well, I know about electronics, cause I'm a fucking rocket scientist, aren't I? [Makes an adjustment] Try it now. [Engine turns over]
Seth: Thanks. You want a lift? Look, you've already undermined my masculinity. At least let me drive you somewhere. Get in. Where to?
Kelly: There. [Seth drives a short distance] Thanks for the lift.
Seth: Any time. I owe you.
Kelly: Well, you can give us a new power if you want.
Seth: I don't owe you that much. Right, see you around.
Shaun: [Running alongside Mel on track circuit] D'you mind if I run with you?
Mel: Yeah, I do.
Shaun: [Mel completely ignores him] You, er, fancy going for a drink sometime? How about dinner? Hm? Please yourself. I'll catch you on the next lap, yeah? [Mel runs on from him]
Mel: [Approaches Emma] You look like you had a late one.
Emma: You'll never guess who I met last night.
Mel: Who?
Emma: Curtis Donovan. D'you remember him?Sprinting guy that got banned. It was a drugs thing.
Mel: Right. So what's he like?
Emma: Well, I thought he was cute. Then we went back to his...
Flashback Curtis: By the time my ban's over, it'll be too late. No decent coach is gonna want to work with me. And all the guys I trained with, I was way better than them.
Emma: He was so negative about everything. Talk about feeling sorry for yourself!
Flashback Curtis: Running's the only thing I was ever really... really good at. It was the only thing that made me feel good about myself.
Emma: It's like he blames everyone else for what's happened to him. I had to kiss him just to shut him up! I ended up giving him a sympathy shag.
Mel: What do you mean?
Emma: Big mistake. The guy is clueless. It was some of the worst sex I have ever had. [Laughs]
Mel: I have to warm down. [Walks away]
Mel: What d'you want?
Rudy: I want you to come for a drink with me. Just one drink.
Mel: I'm not interested, okay?!
Rudy: You don't know what you're missing. I know how to please a woman.
Mel: [Shaun puts hand on her rear] Take your fucking hand off my arse before I break it!
Rudy: Oh, my mistake. [She walks away] Lesbian.
Rudy: Ho, ho! Oh, that were brutal, weren't it? That were like watching someone fist a baby lamb. She just took a huge shit in your mouth!
Curtis: Shut the fuck up, man!
Rudy: All right. Look, it... you know, it happens to all of us. Women are cruel and insensitive, and they are hurtful. But they're so beautiful. They smell really nice. They smell like... toffee apples.
Curtis: Can I ask you something? When we were together, was I...
Alisha: What?
Curtis: Was I... all right? You know, sex stuff?
Alisha: We couldn't actually touch each other, so...
Curtis: No, no, no. What we could do. Was I shit?
Alisha: No.
Curtis: That's one of those no's that means yes. [Mimics her voice] "No!" [Default voice] Fucking yes!
Alisha: What are you saying? I haven't said anything.
Curtis: Yeah, but you were thinking it. Say it. Go on, I want to hear it.
Alisha: No, you don't!
Curtis: Wait...! Is he better than me? [Chuckles and gestures to Simon on his phone] What, him? He's better than me?!
Alisha: Er, don't talk about him like that!
Curtis: Oh, man!
Alisha: When we're doing it, he's focused on me!
Curtis: What, and I wasn't?
Alisha: No, you just spent a lot of time watching yourself.
Curtis: That's bullshit!
Alisha: Oh, really? Look, you were like this. [Mimics masturbation for a moment]
Curtis: You done?!
Alisha: Look, this is the reason that girls don't tell boys this stuff. Their egos can't take it.
Curtis: Oh, so that's another thing that's wrong with me?
Alisha: Oh, here we go!
Curtis: What is that supposed to mean?
Alisha: Sometimes it's like there's this big fucking cloud just hanging over your head.
Curtis: There ain't no cloud!
Alisha: Oh, really? [Sucks teeth] "My life's shit! Everything's shit! I shouldn't even be here!" Look, if you don't want to hear it, don't ask.
Mel: [Lying to find a head between her legs] Emma?! What are you doing?!
Rudy: I'm, er... I'm pleasuring you. [Emma appears] It's not generally a spectator sport, is it?
Mel: I thought it was you! [Emma walks away]
Rudy: Is that why you were calling me Emma?
Mel: [Gets up after her] Emma! Wait!
Rudy: Got one of your pubic hairs stuck in me throat here.
Emma: [Enters his quarters] Are you all right? You know when you think you know someone... and they turn out to be something different? Fuck it. I don't wanna think about it. [Sits on bed beside him] So what have you been up to?
Curtis: Nothin'. Just hanging out. [Emma starts passionately kissing him and Curtis thwarts her] Oh... I don't think you really want this. [Emma starts taking off her dress] Put your clothes on.
Emma: What is your problem?
Curtis: Do you really wanna have sex with me, or is this just some kind of revenge fuck? 'Cause I don't want that. You don't need to do this. Put your clothes on.
Emma: I was wrong about you. Have I messed things up?
Curtis: No.
Emma: This is my dress. Why have you got my dress?
Curtis: I lent this to Mel.
Emma: You're shagging her, aren't you?
Curtis: No, no, it's not what you think it is.
Emma: So what is it, then? How did this get here? You're such a fucking prick.
Emma: What the fuck is going on? How did I get here?
Curtis: Mark spiked you. Don't worry, I stopped him before he really did anything.
Emma: Where is he?
Curtis: He's tied up in the boot of the car. Did the same to me last night. Spiked me. That's why I was so out of it.
Emma: What are you talking about?
Curtis: There's something I need to show you. [Transforms into Mel]
Mel: Curtis isn't shagging me. He isn't cheating on you, and neither am I.
Emma: This is... totally insane.
Mel: I just wanted to run. To feel it again. To feel... good about myself. Being her, it... it was the only way I could do it. I never meant for any of this to happen... to hurt you. Thought I wanted it more than anything. It's not worth this. I need to find something else that makes me feel like that.
Emma: [Curtis opens trunk of vehicle to reveal a tied up Rudy] What should we do with him? [Rudy is now tied up to railings naked written on his chest; "I drug and rape"]
Rudy: It was you, you've done this to me.
Curtis: No one needs to know about that. And next time you find a girl unconscious, you don't touch her. You get it?
Rudy: I was checking on you. Hm? It was you that was all grabbing me, nuh-nuh-nuh, kissing me and pushing me head down. I don't even like doing that. So who's the real victim here?
Curtis: You never heard the saying, "no means no"?
Rudy: Yeah, but you didn't say no. You said, "Suck my nipples."
Curtis: I was spiked! I thought you were someone else. You didn't think it was strange when I started calling you Emma?
Rudy: People say all kinds of weird shit during sex. I was fucking this bird this one time, right, I'm about to blow my load, and I went, "Auntie!" What's that all about?
Curtis: You should've known.
Rudy: You never look a gift horse in the mouth, do you? That's one fine looking gift horse you've got there. [Starts retching and coughing] Oh! Ooh, I've got it. [Holds up a hair]
Kelly: Ugh, is that a pube?
Rudy: Mmm! D'you want it back?
Alisha: [Laughs] Did you?
Rudy: For a bloke, he's got a lovely pussy.
Curtis: Fuck it. [Walks away]
Rudy: Hmm.

Episode 3

[edit]
Shaun: [Seeing Rudy and Rudy Two] Who the fuck is this?
Rudy: It's my auntie. Who do you think he is?
Shaun: What, you've got a twin brother?
Rudy: Nowt's getting past you, is it, today? Check out the big brains on the probation worker here.
Shaun: Why's her wearing a jumpsuit?
Rudy: Because... sometimes I do my community service, sometimes he does it. We like to mix things up.
Rudy Two: It keeps it interesting.
Shaun: This isn't a job share. Whoever does the crime, does the boring, mindless shit.
Rudy: I have a question, right? What if we we're conjoined twins, yeah, with our heads? They're all mashed together, and we go out in the town, for a few beers, some bloke sees us and he's like, "Oi! You two-headed fuck!" He flips out, goes mental and batters the guy. Who does the community service then? Because they, they are conjoined with one massive head but with two personalities.
Shaun: Well, we'll come to that bridge when we come to it.
Rudy: All right.
Shaun: I'm going to pretend like I never saw this, because I really can't be arsed. Just make sure one of you turns up. [Leaves]
Curtis: [In disbelief] Oh man. That's insane.
Rudy: The old conjoined twins mind fuck works every time. Doesn't it?

Episode 4

[edit]
Friedrich: [Writing letter] My name is Friedrich Hirsch. I was born in Berlin in 1935. When the Jews were sent to the ghettos, I was given false papers and adopted by a German family. Shortly afterwards, my parents were sent to the labour camps. I was never to see them again. My adoptive parents were terrified that I would be found out. Every day they said to me, "Say nothing. Do nothing." I smiled and I saluted and I did... nothing, as everyone I knew was murdered. But now, I have a chance to change that. I am going to travel through time and kill Adolf Hitler. If I fail, I wanted whoever finds this letter to know that... I tried. I did... something.
Kelly: [Leaning against wall and watching Nazi soldiers arrest and search a suspect] Fuckin' Nazis!
Kelly: What's going on? I seen them arresting people on the estate.
Gary: They've started rounding up anyone who's got one of these powers.
Kelly: What are they gonna do with 'em?
Gary: Fuck knows.
Shaun: [Flipping through papers] What is this? I said it had to be done alphabetically. Since when did J come before H?
Alisha: If I'm so crap, why did you give me the job?
Shaun: Because you have other talents. [Spins her chair and leans in seductively] Oh, yeah... you are very, very talented.
Alisha: What, you mean I've got nice tits?
Shaun: Yeah. [Simon enters and Nazi salutes with Shaun waving him off] Yeah... whatever.
Simon: You told me to let you know when the prisoner arrived. He's here. The old man we found with the stab wound on the estate, [produces envelope] he had this in his pocket.
Shaun: Well, put it with the other shit!
Shaun: [Takes off Seth's hood in interrogation] Morning.
Seth: What do you want with me?
Shaun: Oh, I think you know what we want from you. 'Cause if you didn't, we wouldn't have found you being smuggled off the estate in the boot of a car. You'd have taken the bus... like a normal person. Now... you're gonna test some people... to see if they've got one of these powers. And if they have, you're gonna take it off 'em and you're gonna stick it in whoever I tell you to stick it in. Got it? Right!
Seth: [Referring to Friedrich stabbed by Hitler What's wrong with him?
Simon: He was stabbed. I think his wound's infected.
Seth: Well, can't you take him to a hospital or summat?
Simon: Nazis aren't big on compassion.
Seth: Aren't you one of 'em?
Simon: I was conscripted. I'll do what I can for him.
Rudy: Oh, they're... they're gonna... they're gonna find us!
Rudy Two: No! They're not gonna find us, cause I have a plan. We're gonna go to Mum and Dad's.
Rudy: What?!
Rudy Two: They're our parents! They're legally obliged to hide us!
Rudy: Oh, yes, because I am sure they are dying to get involved. Last time Dad seen you, he called you a "little cunt"!
Rudy Two: They fucking love me, man.
Rudy: Do they?
Rudy Two: Yes. They worship me. In fact, sometimes, I think Mum loves me er... too much!
Curtis: This guy who's taking people's powers... You said you deliver food to the cells?
Kelly: Breakfast, lunch and dinner. They've got me working my arse off!
Curtis: We need you to put this in his food.
Kelly: What is it?
Curtis: You really need me to tell you?
Kelly: I ain't killing him.
Curtis: He's a prisoner. He's not one of 'em! Ain't nothing personal.
Kelly: Killing someone?! To me, that's fuckin' personal!
Curtis: The Nazis are using him to take people's powers. They want them for themselves. When they get them, they're gonna use them against us. We can't let that happen.
Shaun: [Enters room with Simon and Alisha What's going on?
Alisha: He was just helping me with the computer. You know how shit I am with these things.
Shaun: Yeah, she is particularly shit.
Alisha: [Leans into him] I missed you.
Shaun: Yeah? I only went for a piss.
Alisha: I can still miss you, can't I?
Shaun: See the effect I have on women? [They kiss and Shaun slaps her rear walking past her with Simon leaving]
Rudy: What about them Nazis, hey?
Curtis: What about 'em?
Rudy: Very bossy. You're not taking the bait at all. You're making... You're gonna make me come right out and say it. [Whispers]
Curtis: Are you part of the resistance? [Curtis slams Rudy's head against wall pointing gun at his head] Oh! I'll take that as a yes.! Good. It's nice to meet you, mate!
Curtis: Who are you?!
Rudy: I've got one of them bullshit powers! Nazis are after me!
Curtis: Show me!
Shaun: Captain Smith. I was just, er...
Officer Smith: It looked like you were sitting around, smoking a cigarette.
Shaun: I was thinking about how best to organise our operations and to maximise efficiency... and... productivity.
Officer Smith: I look forward to hearing your thoughts.
Shaun: Right.
Officer Smith: I understand you've caught the man we've been looking for?
Shaun: We most certainly have.
Officer Smith: [Walks into Seth's cell] So... I hear you've been doing good work for us.
Seth: Is that what you call it?
Officer Smith: How does this work?
Shaun: Oh, he's... he's gotta touch you.
Officer Smith: [Leans into Seth] You know... I can make life very unpleasant for you.
Shaun: You're all done. It's like taking candy from a baby.
Officer Smith: [To Gary mopping] You've missed a patch. We can't keep this man locked in a dirty cell. Just there. [Gary reluctantly walks in and Officer Smith kills him by freezing him] That's very good.
Simon: You don't smoke, do you?
Alisha: [Chuckles] What gave it away?
Simon: I don't smoke either. Why should the smokers get all the breaks? I never got a chance to thank you. For covering for me. Why are you with him?
Alisha: I got caught drink-driving. Um, they were gonna to send me to prison. He got them to drop the charges. You probably think I'm a total slut.
Simon: We're all doing what we need to do to survive.
Kelly: [Sees Seth in his cell] He's fuckin' hung himself! [Opens door with Simon and saves him]
Curtis: You go in there to kill him and you end up saving his life? Just explain to me exactly how that happens.
Kelly: I couldn't kill him. He was trying to kill himself.
Curtis: Then you leave him to it. Job done. He was prepared to hang himself rather than let those bastards have the powers.
Kelly: He's on our side.
Curtis: That's no good to us if the Nazis have got him. We missed our shot. We might not get another.
Rudy: Hmm, now then. That's like the, er, story of the Tortoise and the Hare.
Curtis: Eh?
Rudy: Or is it the owl... owl and the pussycat? Something about a lion and a dog? Two in the hand is worth... one in the bush, isn't it?
Curtis: Stop stealing the alcohol.
Rudy: I thought you said to just help myself?
Curtis: I said; stay the fuck away from the bar!
Officer Smith: They knew we were moving him. And someone tipped them off!
Shaun: Well, don't look at me. I was lucky to get out of there alive.
Officer Smith: And exactly how is it that you managed to escape from this ambush?
Shaun: I'm very agile. Like a cat.
Officer Smith: [Walks over to Alisha on computer] And what about you? Hm? Sitting there, tip-tapping away on your little computer. Maybe you're not as stupid as you look. [Grabs her by jaw and turns her head to him] I can freeze your blood just like that.
Shaun: Actually, she is as stupid as she looks. You know, she hasn't got the brains to pull something off like this.
Officer Smith: Tear up the estate until you find him. I'm holding you personally responsible.
Kelly: So what's the story with your power?
Seth: Started off just dealing a bit of gear to mates. It took off from there. After a while, I was dealing to the dealers. It's addictive, the buzz. Staying one step ahead of the police. I wanted to be the ultimate dealer. Then the storm hit. Guess I got my wish. I never... thanked you for... saving my life.
Kelly: You shouldn't be thanking me for anything. I was gonna kill you. We had to stop the Nazis from getting the powers. I put poison in your food.
Seth: Well, why did you save me?
Kelly: When I saw you hanging there, I just couldn't do it. Sorry I tried to kill you, yeah?
Seth: Glad you didn't.
Kelly: I guess I've got a soft spot for suicide cases.
Seth: Tart with a heart.
Kelly: Who are you calling a fuckin' tart?
Seth: No, I didn't mean... well, you're not.
Curtis: [Hears tires screeching] They're here!
Rudy: [Curtis is operating blender] What?
Curtis: [Shaun bursts into bar with soldiers guns drawn with Curtis and Rudy sitting at table with smoothies in martini glasses] What's going on?
Shaun: What do you think? It's a raid. Who are you?
Curtis: I work here. [To Rudy] And you?
Rudy: Er, I'm his... gay lover. I'm... the giver, he's the taker. I'm the butch, he's the bitch. I'm the sausage, he's the muffin!
Shaun: You're aware that homosexuality is illegal?
Rudy: Oh! I were jokin'. 'Cause, er... he's me cousin, from me...
Shaun: Shut the fuck up.
Shaun: [To Seth and Kelly hiding under floor] I reckon you've got about three seconds before I empty my gun into this floor. One... two... [cocks gun and trapdoor opens] Cosy down there, is it? Come on.
Officer Smith: So you have the power? And now, you can put it back in him.
Shaun: He's just taken it out of him.
Officer Smith: We can't afford for anyone to have this power. Too much could change. It dies with the old man.
Shaun: I won't do it.
Officer Smith: [Grabs Simon and shoves him into position to shoot Friedrich] Shoot him. Shoot the old man. Take out your side arm, and shoot him. That is a direct order!
Shaun: Take your fucking gun out and shoot him! [Officer Smith shoots Friedrich]
Officer Smith: Get him out!
Curtis: [Walks in] Take your fucking hands off me.
Rudy: Leave him alone!
Officer Smith: Put the power in him. I will shoot... EVERY PERSON IN THESE CELLS UNITL YOU DO AS I SAY!
Curtis: Don't do it.
Seth: I'm sorry. [Puts power into Curtis]
Officer Smith: [Shoots Curtis in the head and shoots him twice more] And that's the end of that.
Alisha: [Walks out] I heard what happened. Are you okay?
Simon: They shot them. Right in front of me. I just stood there. I did nothing.
Alisha: There's nothing you could have done. What's wrong?
Simon: Everything.
Kelly: [Walks up to two guards at door with two guns behind back] You all right, mate? [Shoots both guards]
Shaun: [Led out in hallway by Kelly at gunpoint] You fucking shot me!
Alisha: [Runs into Kelly with Simon in hallway] What are you doing?
Kelly: I'm busting the prisoners out of the cells and I'll kill anyone who gets in my way!
Alisha: D'you need a hand?
Simon: I'm with her.
Shaun: You're shagging him? I thought you liked me.
Alisha: All you ever did was make me hate myself.
Shaun: Ungrateful little bitch. After everything I've done for you.
Alisha: Oh, will you shoot just him again?
Kelly: [Hands Alisha pistol] When we're done with him, you can do what you like. [To Shaun] Move!
Officer Smith: You're completely surrounded, so I suggest you drop your weapons.
Seth: Get behind me. They won't shoot me.
Officer Smith: Give it up. We just want him. The rest of you are free to go.
Shaun: Nah, I'm pretty sure he's lying.
Alisha: 'Course he's fucking lying!
Seth: Stay with me. I faked it. I didn't put the power in Curtis. I've still got it. Get the phone.
Kelly: What phone?
Seth: Hitler. Get the phone. [Seth kisses Kelly transferring his power]
Kelly: [Seth slumps down lifeless] No! You're not allowed to die! [Kelly sees flashes of alternate history being undone]
Kelly: [Walks up to Hitler] Oi, Hitler. Why have you gotta be such a dick? [Headbutts him and kicks him several times and goes back to the presence]
Seth: So me and you fought the Nazis and I died? They shot you. In this... alternative version of history... me and you, did we...?
Kelly: Did we shag? No. You kissed me when you gave me the power.
Seth: Did I? And how was that?
Kelly: It was all right. So I want this bullshit rewind power out of me. I am done fucking with history. You have to promise me you won't let anyone else have it. Promise, yeah?
Seth: I don't wanna die, so... I'll put it in me pet iguana for safekeeping.
Kelly: I never had you down as someone who'd have a pet lizard.
Seth: Yeah, well, there's a lot you don't know about me. I know that you're not the person you make out to be.
Kelly: You act like you don't give a shit about anyone. That's rubbish.
Seth: So what d'you want instead?
Kelly: I kind of liked being a fuckin' rocket scientist.
Shaun: [Getting a pop can from vending machine and stops to see Kelly in hallway] What the fuck are you looking at?
Kelly: Nothin'.
Alisha: [Appears with other community servers] Where have you been?
Kelly: Just been fighting the fuckin' Nazis and kicking the shit out of Hitler. [Walks away]

Episode 5

[edit]
Shaun: There's an anger management counselor here for you.
Rudy: For me? [Gives Simon a look]
Shaun: Yeah. It's all part of your "ongoing rehabilitation." [To Simon] Did you have the last Twix?
Simon: Yes. [Shaun grabs it from him] She's waiting for you in my office. Enjoy. [Leaves]
Rudy: For fuck's sake. It wasn't even me, it was him.
Simon: Who?
Rudy: Who do you think? [Points to his chest] This whiny little prick in here. The other me. I was seeing this girl, right. Nice girl, Dutch-Irish. Had a webbed foot. Left foot, fine. Right foot, just a little bit creepy. Might have been the other way around. Anyway, so we have this great big row, we end up breaking up. Honestly, I weren't that bothered. Cause there's plenty more fish in the sea and all that. She couldn't wear flip-flops. Because of the web, she had no toe-groove. Anyway, so we split up. You know, she's really angry, starts running her mouth off, all gets a little bit personal. Honestly, dude, I were fine with it, mate. Not him. He starts getting himself all upset, ends up trashing her car, she rang the police. Boom.
Simon: So that's why you're on community service?
Rudy: Yes! Y-Yes. He did it, I took the rap. I'm totally innocent. Mmm. Yes. We should write a campaign song. Do some wristbands. You, you're very clever, aren't you, eh?
Rudy: This is such bullshit.
Rudy Two: [About anger management counselor] She's onto you. I think she knows.
Rudy: She doesn't know anything.
Rudy Two: She knows you're a bedwetter.
Rudy: I'm not a bedwetter! I haven't done that in years.
Rudy Two: Haven't you?
Rudy: Now, listen, that was one time. And I was drunk. Right? And everybody does that anyway, so it's different.
Rudy Two: We should go back in. She's making some good points, man.
Rudy: No, I'm not having you in here. [points to his chest] You're popping out every time she gets personal. You can wait for me outside.
Alisha: You're wanking, on your own, in a cupboard?
Curtis: We used to do it.
Alisha: Yeah, and it was weird then.
Curtis: I never heard you complaining.
Simon: [Enters] What's going on? [Looks at Curtis and smiles] Have you been wanking?
Curtis: Do you want to say it a bit louder? [Alisha chuckles and Simon starts to look at her]
Alisha: [To Simon] What?
Simon: Why are you here?
Alisha: What, you think I was watching him wank?
Simon: ...That's what you used to do.
Alisha: I'm not getting into this. It's too weird. [Leaves]
Rudy: [Sees Shaun walking] Oi! Come here! Oh, let me tell you something, right. She is one amazing therapist. I can't believe the council actually pay for that kind of thing. And I tell you something else - if I could be bothered, I would write a letter to Social Services and just congratulate them.
Shaun: Seriously. Move. [Walks past Rudy]
Rudy Two: [Rudy walks into washroom] W... Where have you been?
Rudy: Nowhere.
Rudy Two: What's that?
Rudy: It's nothing.
Rudy Two: What is that? Is that a love? Ugh! It's a love bite! What are you, a 12-year-old girl? [Laughs] You are fucking Kelly! I knew it.
Rudy: It's not Kelly. It's Clare.
Rudy Two: The therapist?!
Rudy: Yeah.
Rudy Two: Hang on, that explains a few things, does that...
Rudy: What do you mean? Your fuck-buddy has just wanked me off.
Rudy Two: What?!
Rudy: Yeah, I know! She just whipped it out, she starts plugging away on it like she were trying to break it.
Rudy Two: Right, and why didn't you stop her?
Rudy: Why would I do that? Eh? God, she's intense, though, man.
Rudy Two: Did she do all that crying straight after? I mean, like, crying immediately afterwards. I can't... I can't believe this. I've just shot me load, she starts getting all heavy, like, "I shouldn't be doing this, I am a total mess." [Mimics sobbing]
Rudy: At one point, I was honestly considering just shoving me cock into her mouth just to shut her up, mate.
Rudy Two: Oi! Now you stop it! You don't talk about my girlfriend like that. [Laughs] No... No! You're not... you're not going out with her, man.
Rudy: Well, she's better than some of the skanky horrible sluts you end up with. She's old and she's a... psychopath and she cries after she's wanked people off. She cries because she cares. Unlike you.
Rudy Two: No, you... Listen. You don't get to choose. I choose. And that's how this thing works, right? Now, you get back in here, because I am not having people thinking I'm fucking a 40-year-old woman.
Rudy: No. I love her. And I don't care what you think.
Rudy Two: Don't you walk out this room.
Rudy: [At door of Clair's office] Er, just so you know, I've been having a bit of a think about us... Yeah, it's not gonna happen, right? I mean, listen, thanks for the hand job and the sex and all that. Brilliant. But you are... You're quite old and you cry... a lot, hm? Bye, then. [Walks away with Clair breaking into tears]
Alisha: Kelly. That's Kelly.
Simon: It's a body-swap. They must've switched places.
Rudy: Oh, my God. This is like that film with Nicolas Cage in Face/Off.
Simon: Face/Off wasn't a body-swap. They had surgery to look like each other.
Rudy: Oh.
Simon: This is more like Freaky Friday.
Alisha: Who gives a shit? What are we going to do about Kelly?

Episode 6

[edit]
Simon: [Talking about a one-night stand of Rudy's] So are you going to call her?
Rudy One: No, and I'll tell you why: When you buy a dog, right, you know that one day, the dog, it'll grow old and it'll die and oh, you're just gonna be heartbroken, you loved that dog, it was just a cheeky little scamp. Here's an idea, don't buy the fucking dog! Save everyone the bastard hassle. It's better to make her cry a little bit now, than break her heart in three years when she's in love with me and we've bought a bunch of shitty furniture together; it's just the humane thing to do, isn't it?

Episode 7

[edit]
Simon: It's like a zombie film.
Rudy: Never watched one, mate. I'm more of an E.T. man, me. I fucking love that little cunt- [Curtis covers his mouth]
Curtis: How do you mean, it's like a zombie film?
Simon: Anyone who was brought back to life, it's like they need to feed. It's infectious. If you get bitten, you become one of them.
Kelly: Hang on a minute. He brought Shannon back from the dead. Are you saying she's a zombie?
Simon: Who's Shannon? [Kelly runs away] Wait, Kelly! [Cat hisses] What are we gonna do with this frigging cat?!
Kelly: [Pounds on Seth's apartment door and Seth answers] Where is she?!
Seth: Kelly, don't do this!
Kelly: She's a fucking zombie!
Seth: What?! What are you talking about?
Kelly: When you bring people back from the dead, they turn into a zombie! We just had to kill some old woman, a cat ate her face! Curtis brought her cat back from the dead. It went zombie!
Shannon: Who's she?
Kelly: I was his girlfriend until he dug you up!
Seth: Look, it's not like you think.
Shannon: What's she talking about?
Seth: It's nothing.
Kelly: You're a zombie!
Shannon: I'm a what?!
Kelly: You have to kill her before she bites you.
Seth: Right, get out. [Pushes Kelly out door]
Kelly: You've got to kill her! She's gonna bite... She's a fucking zombie!
Seth: You stay away from her!
Kelly: She's a zombie and she's going to kill you, Seth! [Goes in apartment and closes door with Kelly pounding on it] Open the fucking door!
Seth: We only got together when I thought I couldn't bring you back.
Shannon: Just stay away from me!
Cheerleader: [Rudy goes out in hall] Have you got any change for the vending machine?
Rudy: Just... fuck off! [Runs away] No, no... don't touch me! Don't touch me! Fuck off! Fucking fuckers!
Simon: [Walking out onto rooftop] Are you okay?
Rudy: I was 13. I'd just come in from school, so... I poured myself a nice, cold, nourishing glass of milk. Head into the lounge to watch ]][[w:Blue Peter|Blue Peter, good, wholesome family entertainment. I open the door... and I see my dad. And he is just... he's just fucking the hell out of my mum. Faces all, like, contorted, like that. Like a wild animal. She was dressed like a cheerleader. Little skirt... pompoms, everything.
Alisha: Is that it?
Rudy: Whoa!
Rudy: That image haunted me all the way through puberty. I can't even sit down and have a relaxing wank without it popping into my head. Every time I shut my eyes. It scarred me. It scarred me. You know some people are scared of clowns? For me, it's cheerleaders.
Alisha: No one's scared of clowns.
Simon: It's called coulrophobia.
Rudy: Yeah, well, so, imagine your dad is dressed as a clown and he's... fucking your mum, like that.
Alisha: Why would my dad be dressed as a clown?
Rudy: Well, I don't know what he gets up to in the privacy of his own home, sick pervert, do I? Fucking cheerleaders, man. ooh, fuck.
Curtis: It's the only way he'd take my power. I couldn't have a baby. How the fuck's that gonna work? I'm sorry, yeah? So, what happened when you went down there?
Kelly: He didn't believe me. He's just acting like nothing's wrong.
Curtis: What are you gonna do?
Kelly: I should let her eat the prick. He thinks I'm saying it cause I'm jealous. It's him that I'm pissed off with. I'm not some nasty, jealous little skank. I hate that. I'm gonna have to fucking kill her, aren't I?
Curtis: Do you want a hand with that?
Alisha: [Rudy drags a sledge hammer out of vehicle trunk] What are you doing?!
Rudy: Well, it beats a fucking Cornetto, doesn't it?
Rudy: Aha! Now, who's the big man with the bloody great big hammer? Eh? Is it you?
Simon: He wants blood.
Rudy: Let's get him a mouse and let him chow down on that little fucker.
Simon: And then we'd have a zombie mouse as well.
Rudy: This is just getting like a zombie Noah's ark! Right, let's pull straws. And someone is going to kill this cat, cause I am sick of carrying it around now.
Alisha: [To Rudy] Will you just pick one?!
Rudy: All right. [Picks longest straw leaving Simon] Yay! Get in! Fuck you, you fucking loser! [Pauses to realize the stunned reactions of the community servers] It's not about the winning. Is it? It's about the taking part. [To Simon] Go on, kill the cat. Go on.

Episode 8

[edit]
Rachel: Will someone please tell me why I'm here?
Alisha: Really?! You'd better not be here to fuck with us again.
Rachel: Sorry about the whole brainwashing thing. Got a bit carried away.
Rudy: Hey, don't sweat it. It's fine.
Curtis: You weren't even there!
Rudy: Yeah, I know, but you forgive and you forget, man. And I forgive you.
Rachel: For what?
Rudy: For whatever it was they were talking about.
Simon: What's it like? Being dead.
Rachel: Well, the big news is there's no God.
Rudy: Ohh, ho-ho! Thank fuck for that! I might've done one or two things that weren't exactly... Christian in the strictest sense of the word.
Rachel: Well, none of it matters anyway, so...
Rudy: Yeah, if there's no God. That's a result.
Tony: [Appears in hallway to community servers sitting in wheelchairs with Rudy doing stationary wheelies besides a smashed vending machine] What are you doing?
Rudy: We are relaxing.
Tony: Haven't head office sent another probation worker to replace Sally?
Curtis: Yeah, they sent someone. Got stabbed to death by a coma girl who body-swapped with Kelly.
Kelly: [Shrugs] Shit happens.
Curtis: The one they sent to replace him, she got attacked by a zombie cheerleader. [Points to Rudy] He battered her to death with a baseball bat.
Rudy: Mmm. She had a shocker of a day.
Tony: What happened to the vending machine?
Rudy: Oh, that's a funny thing, that. I was carrying the fire extinguisher and I tripped and fell into it, repeatedly.
Rachel: [Laughs] I'm off my fucking tits!
Tony: Look at you. You're out of control. Completely immoral. You're feral.
Alisha: Right. [Clears throat and wheels forward] All we have ever done is defend ourselves from you and every other fucker that's tried to kill us. We've done our best, and if you've gota problem with that, then fuck you! Like you're so perfect?! Sort your own shit out. I think we've done all right, considering.
Rudy: I think we've done more than all right, love. [Points to hole in vending machine] Free chocolate.
Tony: I've got to find Sally.
Alisha: [Appears to Simon in locker room with him watching video of him and Sally] I've always loved you. How could you do that to me? You had sex with her... in our bed. And... you send me a video of it. Why would you do that?!
Simon: It's not what you think! I didn't have sex with her! I thought I was supposed to...
Alisha: You were supposed to cheat on me?!
Simon: I was... I was trying to help...
Alisha: I trusted you! You can't do this!
Simon: Alisha... I'm sorry, I...
Alisha: Don't! Don't fucking touch me.
Simon: It's not what you think! It's complicated.
Alisha: No, it isn't!
Simon: Alisha! [Runs away]
Simon: [Runs into Tony in hallway ] You? [Grabs fire extinguisher and slams it on Tony's head]
Tony: Jesus! Will you... just stop hitting me!
Kelly: [Appears with Curtis with Rudy dry humping Rachel in atrium] So, you met the old probation worker, then?
Tony: Yeah, we've met.
Simon: What's going on?
Curtis: He's back too. Seems okay.
Kelly: Where've you been?
Simon: There was something I had to...
Rudy: [Rachel vomits] Whoa!
Simon: ...do.
Rudy: Whoa, man, she's just been sick!
Simon: Has anyone seen Alisha?
Sally: [Appears to Alisha at rooftop edge] Hurts, doesn't it?
Alisha: Why are you doing this?
Sally: You killed Tony. I want Simon to know how it feels to lose everything. And I want him to know that you died hating him. [Grabs Alisha and leans her over rooftop edge with her screaming]
Tony: [Rushes onto rooftop with community server] Sally! Don't do this. Let her go.
Sally: They killed you!
Tony: It was the storm. Turned me crazy. You always said I had a temper. I attacked them. I would've killed them. It was self-defence. This isn't why you're here. You're not here for revenge. Let her go. I have missed you so much.
Sally: [Rushes forward to Tony] I never thought I'd see you again! [Embraces him in a kiss and they disappear]
Simon: I didn't have sex with her.
Alisha: I saw you.
Simon: I- I kissed her. I thought I had to because I killed her. As I was kissing her, all I could think about was you. I never want to be with anyone else. Kissing her only made me realize how much I love you. I couldn't go through with it. [Hugs her]
Rudy: Great speech, and all that. Very moving. But he definitely should've fucked that probation worker. That's a wasted opportunity, innit?
Simon: [Alisha opens a door] Where are we going? [Alisha leads him in and closes door]
Rudy: [Kneels down at Rachel's feet] What's going on? What's with all the tears?
Rachel: I did everything I thought I was supposed to do. Got drunk, I took drugs. I had sex. And I've sworn like a cunt. And I'm still here, I haven't moved on. And now I just feel cheap and dirty. [Buttons up shirt] I feel sick and horrible. I just want to know why I'm here.
Rudy: Well, I think that takes a bit of working out. You know the attractive older probation worker that the starey guy... didn't have sex with? Yeah, well, she thought she was here for revenge, you know, 'cause the others had killed her and everything.
Rachel: Some spirits come back for revenge?
Rudy: Yeah, but not her. Turns out she came back to hook up with her... boyfriend, which is actually quite sweet and moving. If you like that sort of thing.
Rudy: [Leans into her] Look at you. You're so beautiful. [Recoils back] No! No, no... you smell of sick! No, thank you!
Rudy: Poor thing, she's in a right mess. Shall I make her a cup of tea? Do ghosts even like tea? Do they? Ooh.
Curtis: Are you all right?
Rachel: You killed me. And then you turned me into a nasty little slut. Like you.
Kelly: There's nothing wrong with us, mate. You're the one with sick down your top.
Rachel: You're everything I always hated. [Holds up a boxcutter knife]
Rudy: Whoa! What are you doing?
Rachel: This is why I came back. Revenge.
Rudy: Listen, you don't mean that. Yeah? I thought we were all gonna be friends here, weren't we? Let's not do this. Eh? Just put it down... [Alisha appears who gets her throat slashed by Rachel who then disappears]
Curtis: I can bring her back. If that's what you want?
Kelly: She's dead. She wouldn't want to be a zombie.
Rudy: Don't. Don't do that.
Simon: This is where I go back. It all has to happen exactly like it happened.
Kelly: What are you talking about?
Simon: It was me. I was the guy in the mask.
Kelly: You're fucking serious?
Curtis: But... but you were there when... when he was there.
Simon: At the start, it was my future self. He died... and I became him. I'm going to need to get some new powers.
Seth: Kelly said you wanted to see me.
Simon: I need Curtis's old power.
Seth: I put it in my iguana. He's dead. The power's gone.
Simon: I have to go back in time. It has to be like this.
Seth: Right, well... There is another time travel power out there. I sold it to this guy. It's different to what he had. There's no coming back.
Simon: Who did you sell it to?
Kelly: [Mets future pirate man at bar] You all right? [At table with him] Can I tell you a secret? You know these powers? Well, I'm a fucking rocket scientist.
Pirate fetish man: Me too! I mean, I've got a power. I got it off this guy from the estate. I'm gonna travel back in time.
Kelly: No way!
Pirate fetish man: Seriously. I am done working in a call centre. I want excitement and adventures. I'm gonna travel back in time... and become a pirate.
Kelly: I've always wanted to shag a pirate.
Future pirate man: [Walking with Kelly in alley and comes across Seth standing before them] What's this? What's going on?
Kelly: I was lying about shagging a pirate. Seriously. Who would fuck a pirate?!
Pirate fetish man: They get laid all the time.
Seth: You know that power I sold you? Turns out I'm going to need it back.
Pirate fetish man: You can't have it. I paid for it. [Attempts to walk away and turns to Simon]
Simon: I need that power.
Simon: So, you all set? In the past, I could touch Alisha. The power didn't work on me.
Seth: It was you.
Kelly: What was him?
Seth: The first power I ever sold was the immunity from other people's powers. You came to see me. I knew I recognized you. I sold it to you. And you gave me ten grand. Now, you need to come and see me after you go back.
Simon: I don't have ten grand.
Seth: I do.
Kelly: You're gonna give him ten grand?
Seth: Yeah, well, he's gonna give it me back, so... I guess it's a loan.
Kelly: Just go back and make Alisha fall in love with you all over again. Promise me, yeah?
Seth: I promise. I'll see you soon.
Seth: Can I help you with something?
Simon: I want to buy a power.
Seth: Well, what sort of thing are you after?
Simon: I want the immunity to other people's powers.
Seth: How do you know what? I just bought that exact power. How do you even know about me?
Simon: A friend told me to come and see you.
Seth: You got money? That should cover it. So, what are you going to do with it?
Simon: I'm going to make a girl fall in love with me.
Seth: Right, so, hang on...
Rudy: So he's got to go back in time, he's got to fall in love with Alisha... then she dies, and they're gonna be stuck doing it over and over again, for all eternity?
Kelly: I think it's dead romantic.
Rudy: Is it, though?! I mean, what are we supposed to feel; happy or sad?
Curtis: It's a bit of both.
Rudy: Right.
Rudy: So... [sobs and laughs simulataneously] I'm not very good with your mixed emotions. I'm just going with happy.
Rudy Two: We're never gonna see them again, are we?
Rudy: What's the matter with you?
Rudy Two: You really know how to bring a man down, don't you, eh?
Curtis: So, what do we do now?
Kelly: Keep our heads down, finish community service and live happily ever after.
Rudy: Yeah, well, I love a happy ending.
[edit]
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