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Over the Hedge (film)

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Over the Hedge is a 2006 computer-animated film based on the United Media comic strip of the same name. It follows a raccoon who cons a group of woodland animals to help him pay a debt to a homicidal bear.

Directed by Tim Johnson and Karey Kirkpatrick. Written by Len Blum, Lorne Cameron, David Hoselton and Karey Kirkpatrick.
Get over it. (taglines)

RJ

[edit]
  • They've always got food with them. We eat to live, these guys live to eat! Let me show you what I'm talking about. [showing the woodland animals the wonders of what humans do with their obsession for food around the neighborhood; demonstrating] The human mouth is called a "pie hole". The human being is called a "couch potato". [signifies the cellphone where a woman hangs up] That is a device to summon food. [signifies the doorbell where a man hears and bolts to the front door] That is one of the many voices of food. [signifies the front door where a pizza delivery boy is giving a person a pizza box] That is the portal for the passing of food. [signifies a motorcycle the pizza delivery boy hops on and drives away] That is one of the many food transportation vehicles. [signifies every food delivery vehicle driving by] Humans bring the food, take the food, ship the food, they drive the food, they wear the food! [they peer over the fence to a backyard where a party is going on; signifies the griller with hot dog wieners being grilled] That gets the food hot! [signifies the cooler keeping drinks cold] That keeps the food cold! [signifies "turtle piñata"...with candy inside it] That...I'm not sure what that is. [a human boy breaks the piñata open with a baseball bat and all the candy fall out; Verne screams in horror] Well, what do you know? Food! [signifies a table where a family is saying their prayers] That is the altar where they worship food. [signifies an advertisement for Seltzer on the TV] That's what they eat when they've eaten too much food. [signifies a treadmill a person is using while working out] That gets rid of the guilt so they can eat more food! Food, food, food, food, FOOD! So, you think they have enough? [the animals all nod in agreement] Well, they don't. For humans, enough is never enough! And what do they do with the stuff they don't eat? They put it in gleaming, silver cans just for us. [opens the trash cans and knocks them over] Dig in!
  • [walking across the pool on floats] Hey, everybody! This way to the food!
  • [signifying Gladys Sharp's SUV] Humans ride around in it because they are slowly losing their ability to walk.
  • [signifying Gladys Sharp as she comes out of her house while on her phone as he and the woodland animals hide] That's just a human being. And they are just as scared of us as we are of them.
  • ...And there they are. America's most coveted cookies. Love Handles, Skinny Mints, Neener-Neeners and Smackeroons! And guess what?! They're all yours! [Hammy jumps; stops him] Whoa, Hamilton! Hold on there, fella. I love your energy, but you just can't take them.
  • [after Verne scares away Shelby and Mackenzie with his naked body without his shell] That was great! You, my friend, are a natural. Or should I say, "au naturel." [tosses him a cookie]
  • Verne, believe me, you should not be jealous of me. You got a good thing here. You're trying to do what's best for your family. And I think you're what's best for them now.
  • Animals are in the house.
  • [signifying a coffee machine that just beeped] That is what gets the humans out of bed in the morning.
  • [facing Vincent while standing on top of the hedge and holds up a potato chip] Hey, Vincent! You were right. With a Spuddie, enough just isn't enough! [eats the chip]

Verne

[edit]
  • [eats the bark; with mouthful] Okay, this is great. [eats the bark again, starts chewing and crunching] [mouthful] Granted, it takes some time to chew. But that... [swallows it] That was very satisfying. And, by the way, lots of fiber in there too. Mmm! [eats the bark, chewing] Lots.
  • [to RJ] Can we just get the food and go? Really, do they have it, or not? [RJ: Didn't you see it? It was in the box.]
  • [giving RJ the death glare after the umbrella burns out and before they fall from the sky] You're the devil.
  • [talking to RJ, reflecting on the consequences of his actions] I shouldn't have taken all that food. I was just trying to return things to the way they were, that's all. I was just being cautious. 'Cause that's what I am. I'm naturally tentative. There's even places in my shell I haven't been. You, on the other hand, you're like... cool. And crazy and fearless. I think they're right. I think I'm just jealous.
  • Just for the record, if you had told us that all that food you were trying to get was to pay back an angry bear (like Vincent), we would have given it to you. [RJ: Really?] Yeah, that's what families do. They look out for each other.

Stella

[edit]
  • [when Quillo accidentally turns on the TV for the THX logo while distracting Tiger] That's just the sound of my heart. Can't you hear it?

Tiger

[edit]
  • My father.... he had an exceptionally flat face. It was so beautiful, he could barely breathe!

Nugent the Dog

[edit]
  • [repeated line] Play?

Hammy

[edit]
  • [RJ: Hammy, I told you that cookie's junk!] But I like the cookie.
  • I am a crazy rabid squirrel! I want my cookies! I'M RABID! I'm foaming at the mouth! I'm foaming! Very scary rabid squirrel! [Mackenzie & Shelby: [alarmed in horror] RABIES!!!]
  • [sadly] I'm not stupid.
  • [after Verne turns on the GPS; frantically begging] Take us home! TAKE US TO THE LOG! [GPS: Previous destination selected. Make a legal U-turn.]
  • [pointing at Vincent floating down to the ground the moment he returns; scared] Scary clown.
  • [when Dwayne appears with a cattle prod and so does Gladys with a weed trimmer, ready to attack them] A weed hacker, Verne! A WEED HACKER!
  • I found my nuts! [runs into the camera]

Ozzie and Heather

[edit]
  • I learned best, Dad. That's my girl.
  • [RJ: Hey! Let me in! Let me in!] No! Ring-tailed charlatan!

Lou and Penny

[edit]
  • Jeepers.
  • Shape up there. [Quillo, Spike, & Bucky tackles him]

Vincent

[edit]
  • [RJ: I'm just a desperate guy trying to feed his family.] You don't have a family. [RJ: I meant family of one.]
  • Moon's full, RJ. See you in the morning.
  • [trying to convince RJ to continue his old ways and forget his woodland friends] Who are you kidding? You said it yourself, you're a family of one. Always will be. It's how guys like you and me survive. So a few saps got hurt in the process. Tough. That's life. Trust me, you don't need them.
  • [threatening to kill RJ and his friends in revenge] You're dead, RJ! And your friends are next!

Gladys Sharp

[edit]
  • [first words; talking on the phone while driving in her SUV] No, I can talk. I'm just driving.
  • [to Janis] Did I just hear them say, "rabid squirrel?" [Janis: I think they might just be overreacting.] But, what if they're not? What if we have a potential pandemic on our hands? Vermin running loose, spreading disease, and lowering our property values? [Janis: Yeah. I have a casserole in the oven. Gotta run. (walks away)] Fine. You worry about your casserole, and I'll worry about the end of suburban peace and tranquility!
  • [exits her house and spits out her coffee, seeing the neighborhood in a mess, and calls a number on her phone] Hello? I need every business listing you have under "exterminator."
  • I don't remember seeing a permit out for a gathering. Groups of more than one who wish to get... [sees Ozzie lying on the ground, playing dead; screams in alarm]
  • [after Dwayne sets up a lot of animal traps in her backyard while RJ watches] Did you put this one in? This Depelter Turbo? [Dwayne: That's a contraband item, ma'am, as it is illegal in every state, except Texas.] I don't care if this thing's against the Geneva Conventions. I want it! [Dwayne: [chuckles] I thought you might. So I took the liberty of installing it for you.]
  • [attacking RJ and the woodland animals along with Dwayne and Vincent while cutting the hedge with a weed trimmer] Show your rat little faces! Filthy creatures! [zoom out, showing the three villains attacking them on both sides of the hedge as they're cornered inside] STAY IN THE WOODS WHERE YOU BELONG!
  • [last words while she and Dwayne are both being arrested by the police for illegally possessing a Depelter Turbo as Vincent is being relocated to the Rocky Mountains] No! It's not my fault! LET GO OF ME! [Police Officer: Ma'am.] I CAN'T BE ARRESTED! [Police Officer: Excuse me...] I'M THE PRESIDENT OF THE HOMEOWNER'S ASSOCIATION!

Dwayne LaFontant

[edit]
  • [as Vincent retaliates by punching him in the face for accidentally shocking him] You guys wanna party, do ya? All right, then, let's party!
  • [bracing for impact when the Depelter Turbo activates] Prepare for a lot of stinging.

Others

[edit]

Random

Dialogue

[edit]
[First lines; RJ the raccoon is trying to get a bag of nacho cheese chips from the vending machine and it gets stuck]
RJ: Oh... no! Come on!
Vincent: RJ?
RJ: No?
Vincent: The moon's not full. You woke me up a week early? [notices RJ has his food] Oh, no. Don't tell me you're dumb enough to actually come up here and steal my stuff. RJ, I'm gonna have to kill you.
RJ: Please, I'm just a desperate guy trying to feed his family.
Vincent: You don't have a family.
RJ: I meant a family of one. [Vincent growls] Okay, wait, wait, wait, wait! Look, it's still in the cave, so technically, not stolen!
[Accidentally bumps into the wagon, sending it down the hill]
Vincent: Oh no. No! NO!
Vincent and RJ: Sl-Slow!
RJ: [groaning] Stop!
[The wagon and cooler stops, RJ and Vincent laughs chuckle nervously at each other]
RJ: Whoo! That was close.
[A truck destroys the wagon and food; now furious, Vincent chases down RJ, grabs him by the head and prepares to eat him]
RJ: VINCENT, WAIT! I CAN GET IT ALL BACK! That's right! You eat me, you'd have to do it! But I can get it! ALL of it!
Vincent: My red wagon?
RJ: Redder! [Vincent squeezes his head] Ow...
Vincent: The blue cooler?
RJ: Blue cooler! On my list! Gotta be blue?
Vincent: Yes! And I want my Spuddies! I love those things. 'Cause with a Spuddie, enough just isn't enough.
RJ: So true... painfully true. And I'll tell you what, I'm gonna get you the giant picnic pack, family-fun size!
Vincent: They have that?
RJ: I'm pretty sure.
Vincent: All right, RJ, I'm going back to sleep. When that moon is full, I'm waking up, and all my stuff had better be right back where it was.
RJ: But that's just one week! That's impossible for one guy! [Vincent squeezes him again] A week's perfect. I'll get some helpers.
Vincent: Full moon, all my stuff. And don't even think about running away, because if you do, I will hunt you down and kill you.
Verne: [wakes up] Oh, boy, that's cold! That's cold! The one place I didn't have a shell.
Hammy: I gotta go wee-wee!
Verne: Oh, not in the lake we drink from!
Verne: Freaky pink primates! They must have come while we were hibernating. It was awful. They had wheels on their feets and there sticks, and they were whacking me with sticks like it was some sort of sick game.
[RJ is seen standing on a tree, listening to their conversation]
Ozzie: You should have died! You should have laid down and died!
Heather: Dad.
Verne: That's not the worst part. Half the forest is gone. The oak trees and the berry bushes, they're just... they're just gone.
Penny: Jeepers.
Stella: What'll we do for food?
Verne: I don't know. But here's what I do know. We will be fine as long as no one goes over Steve again.
RJ: [off-screen] It's called a hedge. [the animals all look up at him with a ray of light shining on him; introducing himself] And it is not to be feared, my amphibious friend. It is the gateway to the good life.
Verne: I'm a reptile, actually. But, you know, it's a common mistake. And, uh, you are?
RJ: Where are my manners. [walks off the branch] I'm RJ. Now please don't think I'm prying, but I couldn't help overhearing, [throwing out items from his bag while looking through] and I can shed a little light on what this whole hedge situation is about. [takes out a map] You see, what was once mere wilderness is now 54 acres of man-made, manicured, air-conditioned paradise. Except for that little-bitty speck. [takes out a magnifying glass, showing a red circle surrounding their location] You are here. [the animals gasp in shock] No, no, that's a good thing. You're hibernators, right? You gather up a bunch of food, store it away for the winter?
Hammy: Uh-huh. We fill the log!
Verne: Hammy!
RJ: Really? This log? This cave-like log?
Ozzie: All the way to the top.
Verne: Ozzie!
RJ: [measures the log with a measuring tape] Let me ask ya, how long's it takes, you know, to fill the log?
Heather: 274 Days.
RJ: Ooh! Ever done it in a week?
Verne: That's impossible.
RJ: Not if we work together. You see, you got the food-gathering skills, I got the know-how, and they have the food.
Heather: How much food?
RJ: Loads of food! Heaps of food! Food out the wazoo!
[The woodland animals follow RJ to the front of Gladys Sharp's house and gaze up at her SUV]
Hammy: What is that?
RJ: That is an SUV. Humans ride around in it because they are slowly losing their ability to walk.
Penny: Jeepers, it's so big!
Lou: How many humans fit in there?
RJ: Usually? One.
Gladys: [exits the front door of her house as RJ and the animals hide; on her phone] Hi, this is Gladys Sharp. Your president? Of the homeowner's association? Right.
Penny: Jeepers!
Hammy: What is that?
RJ: [settling them down] Easy, easy. Don't worry. That's just a human being. And they are just as scared of us as we are of them.
Verne: Remember, when we wake up, only 273 days left till winter.
Stella: That's enough, Verne.
Verne: Good night, 273.
RJ: [as he enters] I gotta admit, that does look tasty.
Verne: [spits out his bark] What are you doing here?
RJ: I'm here to help you with your...foraging thing. [Verne still looks at him] Look, Verne, you said a word yesterday about your little gang here. It starts with an F, do you remember what it was?
Verne: [confused] Family?
RJ: Right, right, that. You know, that got me right here. You see, Verne, I used to have all of that. My own place, surrounded by loved ones, universal remote. But then all that went away with...the weed hacker incident. [starts breaking down] Oh, God.
Hammy: Oh, come here! [runs to hug RJ, who pats him on the head]
Lou: Yeah, that feels good, doesn't it?
Verne: Oh, brother.
Penny: We could always use the extra hand there, you know.
Hammy: The weed hacker, Verne. The weed hacker.
RJ: [gently pushes Hammy away] Okay, not your problem. I'll just go. [turns to leaves sadly] This is me...going. Really nice getting to know you. Hey, I'm sure I'll see you around the forest. Take care.
[Bucky hits Spike]
Penny: Don't hit.
[Ozzie poses dramatically while Heather rolls her eyes]
Hammy: [breaks down] Oh...
Verne: [gives in] All right, all right. Hey, uh, RJ? [RJ stops secret smirks] You can...You can stay.
RJ: WOO-HOO! [joyfully hugs Verne] Come here, ya big lug! I knew beneath this hard, crispy outside there was a soft, nougat-y center in there. [gives Verne a knucklehead down his shell] Do you mind if I call you Uncle Verne?
Verne: [sternly] With every bone in my body.
RJ: Great. Hey, can I work with Hammy? [walks with Hammy]
Hammy: Wanna help me find my nuts?
RJ: Very tempting, Hammy. Very tempting, but first, I wanna show you...this! [shows Hammy a cookie] You like this cookie?
Hammy: Oh, ho, ho!
RJ: Well, this cookie's junk! [throws the cookie out]
Hammy: [mournfully] But I like a cookie.
RJ: Easy, easy, don't worry. I know where to find cookies so great, they'll hand delivered by personal owners.
Hammy: But you just said they're mine!
RJ: They will be, if we successfully marry your manic energy to my brilliant plan. You with me, kid?
Hammy: I-I-I-I-I-I-
RJ: The 'ayes' have it. Let's ride.
Shelby: I thought Mrs Johansson was to allergic to chocolate.
Mackenzie: Really.
Shelby: Yeah if she eats it her face explodes or something.
Mackenzie: That is like so unfair.
RJ: Now listen up. What we're going for here is a vicious, man-eating rabid squirrel. Can you handle that?
Hammy: [raises hand] Um, excuse me.
RJ: Yes...Hammy?
Hammy: Rabbits aren't vicious, they're all cute and cuddly, so...
RJ: Rabi-d, not rabbi-t.
Hammy: Oh... [confused] What?
RJ: OK. [starts to fuzz Hammy, spits and make his hair all wet.] So first we're gonna muss the hair. That's looking good. All right, now we're gonna... We're gonna mat the fur a little bit. A little puff on the tail... Stop it! Puffier. Liking that a lot. Show me that wild look in your eye, boy. Come on!
Verne: I'm tellin' you, you went to far this time. Let's get out of here and leave this [picks up the blue cooler] You're dangerous! You're insane?!
Ozzie: Sweet mother, I'm going HOME! [coughs] Goodbye, cruel world!? [notices the flowerpot on the sidewalk] OHH! OHH! [whispers] Rosebud. [groans as he spins around, then falls on the ground and passes out]
Skeeter: Now can I poke him?
Debbie: No!
Gladys: You see? This is exactly why I called the exterminator, to kill them before they get hurt like this.
[They gather up the food and hide. Verne hides behind the car and watches the truck arrive]
Verne: Oh, no...
Dwayne: [first words] Ha! I believe someone phoned about an animal problem? The solution is standing before you. Dwayne LaFontant is here.
Gladys: Where have you been? I am throwing a Welcome to the Neighborhood party tomorrow, and so far, Debbie's car has killed more animals than you have.
Dwayne: Stand down, sister. I personally guarantee that there won't be a living thing at this party. The Verminator is on the job.
Verne: [whispers to RJ] Leave it. Leave it!
Dwayne: Now, what do we have here? [inhales] Didelphis marsupialis virginianus. Approximately ten pounds. [inhales] Male.
Debbie: I think he's dead.
Dwayne: Oh, really? Do you in fact have a associates degree from VermTech? I think he wants you to think he's dead.
[The animals, except Verne, shows RJ a surprise; his new home]
Stella: Check it out. [RJ looks around at some random objects of his new home] Your new home!
Hammy: [gestures at the baby car seat] And look, we got a place for you right here!
RJ: That's for me?
Lou: Yeah, is this anything like what you had, RJ?
RJ: This isn't anything like what I had, Lou.
Hammy: [hands RJ a can of caffeine] Here, I'm not supposed to drink this.
RJ: Thanks. [to Heather, who sits on RJ's bag] Oh. [clears his throat] Is that my bag?
Heather: Yeah, we brought it in here so you wouldn't have to sleep in that old tree.
RJ: Really? Wow.
Bucky: Hey, RJ, check this out! We totally hooked up the TV.
Quillo: I hot-wired the HD converter.
Spike: We get like 1,000 channels!
Heather: Here, can you take the remote before my dad does?
RJ: Wow. A universal remote? This is nice, guys. Really nice. [turns on the TV]
TV Announcer: And now, we return to "A Scoundrel Among Us".
Woman: You should be ashamed of yourself! We let you into our family, and you deceived us! [RJ changes the channel]
Man: I gave you my heart, and then you ripped it into a million pieces! [RJ changes the channel again]
Dr. Dennis: Get real, Kevin. Because when you feel like a dirtbag, it's because you're a dirtbag, right? So just say it out loud: "I am a dirtbag."
Lou: "Dirtbag"? I don't think that guy's a real doctor. What've you think there, RJ? [notices RJ has gone] RJ?
BBQ Barry: Oh, my back!
RJ: Look, people! Play with them!
Lunch Table Larry: Look out!
RJ: [devastated] No...! [covers his mouth] No...!
Lou: Verne, are you alright there!? Gimme a hand, Oz.
Ozzie: [gets up] Oh, sure, sure.
Penny: What the heck happened?
RJ: It's gone. The food! GOOOOOOOONE!
Stella: What?
Heather: Gone?
Stella: How's it gone?
RJ: Ask... HIM! [angrily points at Verne]
Penny: Verne?
Verne: [annoyed and resigned] I returned it to its rightful owners.
Lou and Ozzie: WHAT?! [they drop Verne]
Heather: We, like, worked our tails off, y'know? Like a lot! And the food we gathered was totally...you know! And you're...you're all whatever!
Ozzie: Yeah, Verne, What were you thinking?! The log was full!
Verne: Full of junk.
[Ozzie is appalled as are the others]
Lou: Oh, so what're ya saying there? That the food we gathered our way isn't as good as the food we gathered your way? [he and Ozzie walk away]
Verne: Your way? [referring to RJ] You mean his way. Can't you see RJ's just using you?
Penny: [gasps] Verne! Shame on you! RJ wouldn't do that!
Verne: You've gotta trust me on this! Don't you understand that there is something wrong with this guy? My tail tingles every time I get near him!
Stella: Oh, so we're supposed to go all hungry 'cause your butt's vibratin'? I'm startin' to think that tingle of yours is just you bein' jealous!
Verne: Jealous? Of him?!
Lou: Yeah! He's embracing the future there, and now you're just holding us back!
Verne: Oh, I hold you back, alright! From extinction! to RJ] You see what you've done here? If they listened to half of the stuff that you're telling them, they'll be dead within a week! You are only interested in taking advantage of them because they are too stupid and naive to know any better!
Hammy: [the animals having heard what Verne said, he was heartbroken] I'm not stupid.
Verne: [turns to the animals, who are shocked and appalled] Okay, I didn't mean, um...I mean ignorant. To the ways over-over there. C'mon, you guys. You know I didn't mean it like that. [the animals start to walk away] Don't-Don't do this. Stella? Ozzie? [turns to Hammy] Hammy, you know I didn't... [Hammy pushes his hand away] Hammy?
Hammy: I'm not stupid. [walks away]
Verne: [shocked] Please. [Hammy takes RJ's hand and RJ shakes his head at Verne. as Verne witnessed that, he sighs with grief and sadly begins to walk the other direction]
Gladys: [after installed a lot of traps] What about this one, this Depelter Turbo?
Dwayne: That's a contraband item, ma'am, as it is illegal in every state, [with his hand over his heart] except Texas.
Gladys: I don't care if this violates the Geneva Conventions, I want it.
Dwayne: I thought you might, so I took the liberty of installing it for you. [as he tosses a stuffed bear in it] Adios, animal infestation.
RJ: [horrified at the sight before him] AHHHHH!!! [We see it in a cage, with outside burned off]
Gladys: Oh my. [chuckles, laughing] [RJ sits on the root, looks up at the full moon, pulls out the list, and sadly crumpled it up]
RJ: [to himself] What have I done?
Verne: I shouldn't have taken all that food.
RJ: What?
Verne: I shouldn't have taken all that food. I was just trying to return things to the way they were. That's all. I was just being cautious, 'cause that's what I am. I'm naturally tentative. There's even places in my shell I haven't been. You, on the other hand. You're, like, cool and crazy and fearless. [sits down next to RJ] I think they're right. I think I'm just jealous.
RJ: [sighs] Verne, believe me. You should not be jealous of me. You...You got a good thing here. You're just trying to do what's best for your family.
Verne: And I think you're what's best for them now.
RJ: What about your tail?
Verne: Eh...My head says "listen to my tail," and my tail says "just listen to my head," and I just...end up with an upset stomach. That's why you need to be in charge now.
RJ: You don't really know what's going on here.
Verne: And you do! So...what's the problem?
RJ: [hands Verne his crumpled-up list] This, Verne, is the problem. You see this? [hears the sound of a vehicle backing up]
Verne: I'm listening.
RJ: Just...
Verne: Uh-huh?
RJ: Just hang on a 2nd.
Verne: Alright.
[RJ climbs up a tree to see Gladys having food delivered to her house]
Delivery Man: Hey, uh, you the lady throwing the party?
Gladys: Yes. Just to the right. There are protected booties to put on over your shoes.
RJ: [sees a container of Spuddies in one of the boxes] Yes! Yes!
Verne: [appears behind RJ with the list] Um, uh, what is this?
RJ: What? Oh. That...
Verne: Mmm-hmm?
RJ: ...is a...list...
Verne: Of?
RJ: ...of all the stuff that you've lost, Verne.
Verne: Really?
RJ: Well, it's a big, long list. You can see that.
Verne: Well, you're an organized little guy, aren't ya? Nice job.
RJ: But, you know what? I know place that's so chockful of food, [takes the list from Verne] we can get it all back in one night.
Verne: Great. Let's go. Where is it?
RJ: Inside that house.
Verne: [leans over to get a view] What? [falls off the branch]
RJ: Verne! [tries to catch Verne, but only grabs his shell; examines it] What is the point of this thing?
Verne: [from below; off-screen] Just send it down.
[Scene switches to RJ talking to the other animals about Verne]
RJ: What Verne's trying to say is...I mean, it's hard to really sum it all in just one word...
Verne: [quietly stops RJ, to the animals] I'm sorry.
Hammy: Aww, come here!
[The animals all huddle up for a big group hug]
RJ: [getting out Monopoly game pieces] Okay, this is us.
Hammy: Can I be the car?
Bucky: I wanna be the car!
Spike: I'm the car! You be the shoe.
Bucky: Shoe is lame.
Lou: Why don't you be that snazzy lookin' iron there?
RJ: Hey, it's not important! Besides, I'm the car! I'm always the car.
RJ: Alright, gorgeous, you're on. [pushes Stella out of the bushes]
Stella: [to herself] Man, this better be one stupid cat.
RJ: Audio, go!
[The animals activate a Fisher Price barnyard animal toy. see n say the farmer says. But makes a cow noise]
Verne: She's supposed to be a cat. Put it on cat. Maybe the cat likes the cow. Let's hope the cat likes the cow.
Tiger: [busts out of his pet door] Who goes there?!
RJ: [to Stella] You're a cat! You're a cat!
Stella: [to Tiger] You're a cat! [RJ facepalms] I mean, I'm a cat. Uh, meow!
Tiger: Yeah. Right. Shoo. Scurry off! Go on! Get away from here! My owner does not give scraps to common strays.
Stella: Common strays? Alright, you asked for it! [gets ready to spray Tiger]
RJ: [whispers] Get the collar!
Stella: Gee, that's a nice collar you got on. Mind if I have a look?
Tiger: No, no, no! Come no closer! I must not be so near a creature of the outdoor woods! [sneezes into his arm and wipes it onto his face] Away with your filth!
Stella: My filth? [the animals gasp] My filth?!
Penny: Oh, jeepers, here we go!
Stella: Okay, that's it! I am so sick and tired of everybody taking one look at me and running away because they think I'm filthy! Well, I've got news for you, I didn't get all primped and preened to have some overfed pompous puffball tell me he's too good for me! I got makeup on my butt, dude, and you don't even want to know about the cork!
Tiger: STOP! No one has ever spoken to me like that! [the animals gasp; Stella startled] It is bold. I like it.
[RJ and Verne smile at each other, and Stella is shown surprised]
Quillo: [turns for the THX Logo on] Uh-oh!
Tiger: What was that?
Stella: It....That's just for the sound of my heart. Can't you hear it? [She imitates the deep note while Spike kept on being blown away]
Quillo: AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!
Spike: This way, that way! [he and Bucky switches for the channel to Gladys sleeping. Quillo falls over for the THX logo]
RJ: Okay, okay, we're good! Go back to work!
Penny: There you go. [Ozzie throws a can to Penny, who throws it to Spike, who throws it to Heather]
Heather: [to Verne] Here, catch! [Verne catches for the can then throws it to Lou. Lou rolls for the can down a transparent paper roll and then Hammy grabs can by can and puts it into the wagon. Penny jumps off a cupboard with marshmallows stuck on her quills and grabs a cookie box]
Lou: [tries to hold a plate of strawberry gelatin] Oh, boy. [drops the plate, gasps, Heather catches the plate of gelatin. Hammy still catches the food slidedown the transparent sheet]
RJ: Yes! We're gonna make it.
Tiger: [while Hammy catches the food and puts it in the wagon behind him] My father.... he had an exceptionally flat face. It was so beautiful, he could barely breathe!
Stella: Fascinating! [The mountain of food for the wagon grows until morning]
Tiger: ...Inside, I have a multi-leveled climby thing with a shag carpet. Come, I'll show you!
Stella: NO, no! I-I-I haven't told you about my life.
RJ: Good, good! Going great, going great! [a coffee machine beeps]
Verne: [pointing at the coffee machine; to RJ] What is that?
RJ: That is what gets the humans out of bed for the morning. [he and Verne turn to the TV showing Gladys' bed, where she has vanished, and scream in horror]
Quillo: Where'd she go?!
Verne: [seeing Gladys coming down the stairs] Get down and stay down! [Bucky, Quillo, and Spike hide under a magazine, while the rest of the animals run behind the counter. Gladys yawns] Move, move! [Gladys pours coffee into a cup. The animals, including RJ, scootch up to look closer. Gladys opens a cabinet and pulls out a box.... with a can of Spuddies behind] C'mon, we've gotta go before she comes back.
RJ: [short pause; to Verne] No, not without those Spuddies!
Verne: What?
RJ: Lou, Penny? Back to the TV! Heather, keep an eye on that human!
Heather: I'm on it, RJ. [runs for the staircase]
Ozzie: No, Heather, wait! [runs after her]
Verne: [begins to feel his tail tingle again; to himself] The tingle, the tingle. [to RJ] RJ, the wagon's full! Let's get out of here!
RJ: Hang on, Vincent! This will only take a second!
Verne: 'Vincent'?
RJ: [jumpy] WHERE?!
Verne: Who's Vincent?
RJ: Oh. Verne, Vincent, simple slip of the bear...TONGUE! Uh, erm.... Just bear with me is what I.... meant to say. There's no bear!
[RJ climbs the bottle rack to go for the Spuddies. Meanwhile, Heather is trying to distract Gladys by copying Ozzie]
Gladys: Hmm? Oh!
Heather: Lights fading, limbs growing co.... [Gladys pathetically kicks Heather down the stairs while Ozzie watches in horror]
Ozzie: Heather? [As Gladys walks down the stairs, she realizes that she made herself sick by killing Heather. She runs back upstairs into her room. Ozzie runs towards what seems to be Heather's lifeless body]
Ozzie: Oh, Heather....
Gladys: [Meanwhile, she's talking to the Verminator on the phone] There's a dead white rat on my staircase! [Heather's eyes suddenly open. It turned out she was playing dead]
Ozzie: I thought you were dead.
Heather: I learned for the best, Dad.
Ozzie: That's my girl.
RJ: [cut to the kitchen in struggles to retrieve Gladys' Spuddies from the cabinet] Oh, come...to Papa.
Ozzie: [returns to the animals with Heather] We better hurry. We don't have much time.
Verne: [tries to stop RJ by grabbing his tail] What's going on, RJ?
RJ: Nothing.
Verne: Well then, let's get out of here, because we have what we need.
RJ: No, we don't.
Verne: What are you talking about? [pulls on RJ's tail] We have more than enough!
RJ: [snaps] Hey! Listen, I've got about this long to hand over that wagon load of food to a homicidal bear! [for the other animals gasp at RJ's confession] And if these Spuddies aren't on the menu, then I will be! Now, let go of my tail!
Verne: [horrified] What?
RJ: [Pauses; growls, angrily kicks Verne's arm off] Let GO! [As RJ grabs the Spuddies, Verne and RJ fall down which makes the bottles and pans crash, letting Stella, Tiger and Gladys hear the noise]
Stella: Uh, I'm sorry, I've gotta go! [leaves]
Tiger: Stella?! Stella, where are you going?! STELLAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! [Gladys runs into the kitchen and screams that the animals are inside and runs away as Stella returns to the kitchen as he follows her] Stella!
Stella: Look, it's not you! It won't work, okay? Because I'm a... [Gladys sees her]
Gladys: [screams; lifts her leg] SKUUUUUUUUUUUUNK!
Stella: Yeah, that. [Gladys screams and runs] Sorry you have to see this. FIRE IN THE HOLE! [Stella sprays an entire house. The Stink explodes like a bomb, and a cork flies out. At the same time, the Verminator van arrives]
Dwayne: You've just been verminated. [turns to Gladys] Whoa. You stink.
Gladys: [angrily] That's because you let them into my... house! [sobbing] Those...
Dwayne: Hey, Nancy, stop you're honkin'! These little guys will be disposed of quickly and humanely.
Gladys: No, not humanely--as inhumanely as possible!
Dwayne: It was a pleasure doing business with you, ma'am. [The caged animals watched RJ leave with the wagon of food, feeling betrayed.]
Bucky: What's he gonna do to us, Mama?
Penny: I...I don't know, baby.
Heather: [clutches her arms around Ozzie while locked in a cage, about to be driven off for extermination] I don't wanna die, Dad. Not for real.
Ozzie: There, there, sweetheart. We'll be okay. [Stella, from her cage holds Hammy's hand, who is in his own cage, scared]
Lou: [referring to RJ] You were right about him, Verne. We should've listened. Sorry there.
Verne: No. [sits down] I knew we wouldn't trust him, and I got us into this. I should have known better.
Vincent: Wow.
RJ: Vincent?
Vincent: So, I was just on my way down here to kill you, but I stopped to watch the show and I gotta say... [gives RJ his binoculars and shows Verne and his family being taken away by Dwayne] that right there is a thing of beauty. That is the most vicious, deceitful, self-serving thing I've ever seen. [chuckles] Classic, RJ You take the food and they take the fall. You keep this up, you're gonna end up just like me, having everything you ever wanted.
RJ: But I already had that.
Vincent: What, them? Who are you kidding? You said it yourself, you're a family of one. Always will be. It's how guys like you and me survive. So, a few saps got hurt in the process. Tough, that's life. Trust me, you don't need them.
RJ: Actually...I do. And right now, they really need me. So I really need this! [pushed the wagon with all the food]
Vincent: [enraged] RJ!
Verne: [beneath the window] Bear!
RJ: What's that?
Verne: Bear!
RJ: Hair?
Verne: Bear!
RJ: Dare?
Verne: Bear!
RJ: [looks back at Vincent] Oh! BEAR!!!!!!
Vincent: You little...
RJ: Thank you! Yes, Yes! [the animals end up throwing him out] Hey! Let me in, let me in!
Ozzie: No! Ring-tailed charlatan! [rolls up the window]
RJ: Ozzie!
Verne: He's just trying to help us. Just let him in!
Stella: After what he did to us?
Verne: But he came back. [Vincent's roar is heard]
Lou: And he brought a bear!
Spike: [while driving the van, the others are arguing] Hey, no fighting while we're driving.
Quillo: We will turn this van around, mister. [The animals were shocked and stunned]
Lou: [points at Verne] He started it.
Verne: I'm telling you, he's just trying to help us, really.
Ozzie: But, Verne, you're the one who always says trust your tail.
Verne: But it's not tingling.
All: Ohhh!
Stella: Why didn't you say so?
RJ: Hey! Thank you, thank you.
RJ: [pops out from the top of the hedge] Hey, Vincent, you were right! [holds up a potato chip] With a Spuddie, enough just isn't enough! [then eats the potato chip]
Vincent: [latest words; outraged] RJ!!!
Ozzie: Now, Hammy. Go, go, go! [Hammy starts to go crazy as the camera zooms in on his eye, which widens greatly. Cut to the Earth, which slows down and stops spinning completely. Hammy is moving so fast it looks like time itself has stopped. Hammy looks around. Everyone and everything is completely frozen, except for him. He walks past The frozen Dwayne and Gladys before turning on the Depelter Turbo to the highest setting. He then notices the cookie on the roof of Gladys' house. He eats it and dodges the slow moving lasers. He then gets an idea. He places the lawn gnome trap underneath Dwayne's foot. As time slowly resumes, a naked Verne pulls the shell-wearing RJ out of Vincent's mouth. RJ salutes goodbye to Vincent as the bear lands on top of Dwayne and Gladys, setting off the lasers]
Gladys: That's the-
Dwayne: The Depelter Turbo. Prepare for a lot of stinging! Oh, no! No, no! No, no! No! [A powerful beam of light flashes, reaching all the way to space, destroyed a satellite. Cut to the Milky Way Galaxy, where a small, white light is seen glowed brighter than the other stars. The animals roasting marshmallows and pops popcorn as they watched the three villains getting incinerated by the beam of light]
Gladys: My hair! Ouch!
Dwayne: That stung like I knew it would! [The three villains are completely fried, nearly completely bald, and trapped in a cage]
All: Whoo-hoo!
Heather: Yeah!
Stella: We did it!
All: Whoo-hoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo!
Stella: Good job, everybody. That's teamwork.
RJ: Come here, Hammy. Come here. You are a genius, my boy.
Hammy: Oh, thank [burps] you!
Verne: Eegh!
RJ: And, Verne, don't you ever fix this shell!
Verne: Yeah. Glad it's working for ya. Take it off, give it back. [Vincent groans]
Ranger: [carrying Vincent away] Here we go, off to the Rockies for you, Smokey. [At the same time, a scorched up Gladys and Dwayne are lead away in handcuffs by the police for possessing the illegal and inhumane Depelter Turbo]
Police Officer: Now, you do realize that was a Depelter Turbo?
Gladys: [desperate, not wanting to go to jail] Officer, please! It was the Verminator! He sold it to me! This has nothing to do with me!
Police Officer: Hey, hey! It was in your yard, your name's on the contract, so you can tell it to the judge.
Gladys: NO! It's not my fault! Let go of me! [She shoves the officer in a panic-filled rage.]
Police Officer: Ma'am.
Gladys: [last words] I CAN'T BE ARRESTED! I'M THE PRESIDENT OF THE HOMEOWNER'S ASSOCIATION! [She attacks the police officer in the face. She tries to run but another cop tackles her]
Cop: Take her down! [The other Police Officer gets back up and body-slams her.]
Dwayne: She's getting away!
Police Officer: We got a twitcher! Watch it! Ma'am! [Dwayne tries to take advantage of the cop's attention on fighting Gladys.]
Dwayne: [to the cops] Get her! [sneaks away and she karate-kicks one of the officers. They all continue fist fighting as Dwayne walk away in the climbs fence.]
Police Officer: [faintly] Stop that! Can I get help over here? [as Dwayne climbs over a fence] Somebody get a hold of her legs! [Dwayne then accidentally steps on a squeaky toys off-screen]
Nugent: [off-screen] Play?!?
Dwayne: [last words] Oh, no. No, no! No, no! NO! [a bite was heard, results him to screams in pain. Cuts in the hedge and animals cheers]
Heather: High five, Hammy!
Hammy: Yes! It worked! It worked! We did it!
Stella: Oh, yes!
Tiger: [off-screen] Stellaaaaaaaa! Hey, Stella!
Stella: Over here, Tiger.
Tiger: Oh, Stella! Ah, so this is the outdoor woods? I like it.
Stella: Come on, big boy. You're coming with me.
Verne: You know, RJ, uh, just for the record, if you had told us that all that food you were trying to get was to pay back an angry bear, we would have given it to you.
RJ: Really?
Verne: Yeah, that's what families do. They look out for each other.
RJ: I never really had anything like that.
Verne: I know, but believe me, this...This is the gateway to the good life.
RJ: Really wish you've told me that sooner.
Verne: Well, that's bad communication. Also something families do. So, what do ya say? Wanna be part of it?
[During the credits, When "Rocking the Suburbs" plays in the background]
RJ: That, my friends, is the object of all human attention and devotion, and they call it...a TV.
Quillo: Wicked cool!
RJ: You see, humans feel an inner need to connect with the world around them.
Lou: That is just super-duper.
RJ: They also feel a need to sit on their fat butts, watching TV fulfills both needs at the same time.
Stella: Wow. Interesting.
Penny: Come on, kids! Family time there, in front of the TV! Got your snack food?
Hammy: Buy a vowel! BUY A VOWEL! Buy a "Y", Please buy a "Y"!
Ozzie: I can't find the remote.
Lou: Hey, Spikey! Race ya!
Ozzie: Has anybody seen the remote?
Heather: Dad, chill.
Stella: I could do a little TV. I think today's the day we find out if the baby is gifted or if Saxon is really an alien.
Hammy: Just Like Khan in Star Trek 2! The Genesis Project was in the hands of the Enterprise, but Khan had his plan to steal the invention and redo all the life!
Verne:: Well, that was specific.
Hammy: I saw it on TNT, a retrospective.
Heather: Gummy Worm, anybody?
RJ: Let me have one.
Stella: Bucky, pass this to Lou.
Lou: Taste this.
Spike: Don't you take that.
Verne: This is the perfect food.
RJ: Fat-free cookies? You might as well just be eating dirt.
Hammy: I've had dirt, I don't like dirt, it tastes like dirt!
Heather: Shh! The Show is starting!
[The last part of "Rocking the Suburbs" by Ben Folds continues on the credits]
[Last lines, after the end credits, RJ is fixed the vending machine]
RJ: [in a post-credits scene] Wait! Hang on a minute. [all the chip bags fall down and everyone laughs and cheers] Yes, here we go! [as he tries to get all the chips out, the lid is stuck, and the machine doesn't budge]
Hammy: Kinda anticlimactic.
RJ: Shoot!

Taglines

[edit]
  • From the creators of Shrek and Madagascar.
  • Get over it.
  • Taking back the neighborhood one snack at a time.
  • Ring Leader (RJ tagline)
  • Shell Shocked (Verne tagline)
  • Nuts! (Hammy tagline)
  • Master Blaster. (Stella tagline)

Voice cast

[edit]
[edit]
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