Jump to content

Shrek

From Wikiquote

Shrek is a 2001 American animated film about an ogre who, in order to regain his swamp, travels along with a donkey in order to bring a princess to a scheming lord who wishes come King.

Directed by Andrew Adamson and Vicky Jenson. Written by Ted Elliott, Terry Rossio, Joe Stillman and Roger S. H. Schulman, based on the book of the same name by William Steig.
Music by Harry Gregson-Williams and John Powell.
The greatest fairy tale never told. (taglines)

Shrek

  • [whispers] This is the part where you run away.
  • No! I'm an ogre. You know. "Grab your torch and pitchforks."
  • What are you doing in my swamp?! [echoes]
  • All right. Who knows where this Farquaad guy is?
  • All right, you're going the right way for a smacked bottom.
  • Thank you! Thank you very much! I'm here 'til Thursday. Try the veal!
  • Okay, uh, ogres are like onions.
  • Well, at least we know where the princess is, but where's the...?

Donkey

  • [gets cornered by Dragon] Oh, what large teeth you have! [Dragon roars] I-I-I-I...
  • [atop the dragon after she swallows Farquaad] All right, nobody move! I've got a dragon and I'm not afraid to use it! I'm a donkey on the edge!

Princess Fiona

  • Hey, wait! What are you doing?
  • Stop it. Stop it, both of you! Y'know, you're just jealous that you could never measure up to a great ruler like Lord Farquaad.
  • Yes. But, I don't understand. I'm supposed to be beautiful.

Lord Maximus Farquaad

  • [his first words] That's enough! He's ready to talk.
  • "Run, run, run as fast as you can! You can't catch me! I'm the Gingerbread Man!".
  • Evening. Mirror, mirror, on the wall, is this not the most perfect kingdom of them all?
  • Indeed. Knights, new plan! The one who kills the ogre will be named champion! Have at him!
  • [his last words] ...I'll have you locked back in that tower, FOR THE REST OF YOUR DAYS! I AM KING! [Shrek whistles for Dragon.] I WILL HAVE ORDER! I WILL HAVE PERFECTION! I WILL HAVE--!

Others

  • Peter Pan: He can fly!
  • Big Bad Wolf: What?
  • Thelonious: Three! Pick number three, my lord!
  • Wrestling Fan: The chair! Give him the chair!
  • Monsieur Hood: Please, monster! Can't you see I'm a little busy?

Dialogue

Shrek: [first lines; narrates his storybook] Once upon a time, there was a lovely princess. But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort, which could only be broken by love's first kiss. She was locked away in a castle guarded by a terrible fire-breathing dragon. Many brave knights had attempted to free her from this dreadful prison, but none prevailed. She waited in the dragon's keep, in the highest room of the tallest tower, for her true love, and true love's first kiss. [laughs] Like that's ever gonna happen! What a load of... [toilet flushes]
[Steve Harwell music playing a song All Star]
Steve Harwell: [singing] Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me / I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed / She was looking kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb / In the shape of an "L" on her forehead...| Well, the years start comin' and they don't stop comin' / Fed to the rules and I hit the ground runnin' / Didn't make sense not to live for fun / Your brain gets smart, but your head gets dumb / So much to do, so much to see / So, what's wrong with taking the backstreets? / You'll never know if you don't go, go / You'll never shine if you don't glow...| Hey now, you're an all-star / Get your game on, go play / Hey now, you're a rock star / Get the show on, get paid / And all that glitters is gold / Only shootin' stars break the mold...| It's a cool place, and they say it gets colder / You're bundled up now, wait 'til you get older / But the meteor men beg to differ / Judging by the hole in the satellite picture / The ice we skate is gettin' pretty thin / The water's gettin' warm, so you might as well swim / My world's on fire, how 'bout yours? / That's the way I like it, and I'll never get bored...| Hey now, you're an all-star / Get your game on, go play / Hey now, you're a rock star / Get the show on, get paid / All that glitters is gold / Only shootin' stars break the mold.
[Shrek strikes a match and burps like a fire in the chimney]
Villagers: Go! Go!
Voice: Go for the moon / Go, go, go, go for the moon / Go, go, go, go for the moon / Go, go, go for the moon.
Steve Harwell: [singing] Hey now, you're an all-star / Get your game on, go play / Hey now, you're a rock star / Get the show on, get paid / And all that glitters is gold / Only shooting stars...| Somebody once asked, "Could I spare some change for gas? / I need to get myself away from this place" / I said, "Yep, what a concept, I could use a little fuel myself / And we could all use a little change"...| Well, the years start comin' and they don't stop comin' / Fed to the rules and I hit the ground runnin' / Didn't make sense not to live for fun / Your brain gets smart, but your head gets dumb / So much to do, so much to see / So, what's wrong with taking the backstreets? / You'll never know if you don't go, go! / You'll never shine if you don't glow...| Hey now, you're an all-star / Get your game on, go play / Hey now, you're a rock star / Get the show on, get paid / And all that glitters is gold / Only shootin' stars break the mold...| Only shootin' stars break the mold / Go for the moon / Go for the moon / Go for the moon / This is how we do it... [song fades]
[Shrek sneaks up on a mob about to enter his swamp]
Villager: I think it's in there?
Villager Chris: All right, LET'S GET IT!
Villager James: Whoa, Hold on! Do you know what that thing could do to you?
Villager Mike: Yeah, it'll grind your bones for its bread!
Shrek: Yes. [exposes himself] Well, actually, that would be a giant. Now, ogres - oh, they're much worse. They'll make a suit from your freshly peeled skin!
Villagers: No!
Shrek: They'll shave your liver, squeeze the jelly from your eyes! Actually, it's quite good on toast.
Villager James: [waves his torch in front of Shrek] Back! Back, beast! Back! I warn ya! [Shrek calmly licks his fingers and extinguishes the torch like a match; he smiles nervously] Right.
[Shrek huge long roar. Shrek waits until the villagers have stopped screaming]
Shrek: [whispers] This is the part where you run away. [the villagers do so; laughs] And stay out! [looks down at a sign] Wanted. Fairy tale creatures. [sighs]
Guard #1: All right. This one's full. Take it away!
Dwarfs: He ho hi he, dwarf prisoners are we... He ho hi he, dwarf prisoners are we.
Guard #2: Move it along. Come on! Get up!
Captain of the Guard: [his first words] Next!
[Guard grabs her broom]
Guard #2: Give me that! Your flying days are over.
Captain of the Guard: That's 20 pieces of silver for the witch. Next!
Man: Get up! Come on!
Villager: Twenty pieces.
[As the villager passes]
Guard: Sit down there! Keep quiet!
Little Bear: [sadly] This cage is too small.
[Donkey turns around to the old lady holds his rope]
Donkey: Please don't turn me in. I'll never be stubborn again. I can change. Please! Give me another chance!
Old Lady: Oh, shut up.
Donkey: Oh!
Captain of the Guard: Next!
[Geppetto steps forward and Pinocchio down on the table]
Captain of the Guard: What have you got?
Geppetto: This little wooden puppet.
Pinocchio: I'm not a puppet, I'm a real boy!
[The puppet begins vibrating, and then nose shoots out to five times]
Captain of the Guard: Five shillings for the possessed toy. Take it away.
Pinocchio: Father, please! Don't let them do this! Help me!
Captain of the Guard: Next! What've you got?
[The old lady drags the stubborn Donkey up to the table]
Old Lady: Well, I've got a talking donkey.
Captain of the Guard: [looks up from his ledger] Right. Well, that's good for ten shillings, if you can prove it.
[Donkey swallows hard and looks at the old lady. The old lady untied the rope on his Donkey]
Old Lady: Oh, go ahead, little fella.
[Donkey looks at the old lady, then to the Captain. The Captain looks back at Donkey, and lifts the eyebrow]
Captain of the Guard: Well?
[Donkey looks back at the Captain says nothing. The old lady to sweat]
Old Lady: Oh, oh, he's just... He's just a little nervous. He's really quite a chatterbox. Talk, you boneheaded dolt...
Captain of the Guard: That's it. I've heard enough. Guards!
Old Lady: [moves Donkey's lips] No, no, he talks! He does. I can talk. I love to talk! I'm the talkin'est damn thing you ever saw.
Captain of the Guard: [annoyed] Get her outta my sight.
[The guards advance on the old lady and takes her off screaming]
Old Lady: No, no! I swear! Oh! He can talk!
[As she struggles, the old lady accidentally kicks the caged pixie from the boy's hand. The cage goes flying through the air. It lands on Donkey's head, exploding pixie dust all over him. Donkey shocked]
Donkey: Hey, I can fly!
Peter Pan: He can fly!
Little Pigs: He can fly!
Captain of the Guard: He can talk!
Donkey: Ha, ha! That's right, fool! Now I'm a flying, talking donkey. You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a super fly, but I bet you ain't never seen a donkey fly. Ha, ha! Uh-oh.
[Donkey falls down on the ground]
Captain of the Guard: Seize him! After him! He's getting away!
Shrek: [to Donkey] WHY...are you following me?
Donkey: I'll tell you why. [singing] 'Cause I'm all alone / There's no one here beside me / My problems have all gone / There's no one to deride me! / But ya gotta have friends!
Shrek: Stop singing! Well, it's no wonder you don't have any friends.
Donkey: Wow! Only a true friend would be that truly honest.
Shrek: Listen, little donkey. Take a look at me, what am I?
Donkey: Uh... [looks Shrek up and down] Really tall?
Shrek: No! I'm an ogre! You know, "Grab your torch and pitchforks!" Doesn't that bother you?
Donkey: [shakes his head happily] Nope.
Shrek: [surprised] Really?
Donkey: Really, really.
Donkey: [eyes the KEEP OUT signs surrounding Shrek's home] I guess you don't, uh, entertain much, do you?
Shrek: I like my privacy.
Donkey: You know, I do too! That's another thing we have in common. Like I hate it when you've got someone in your face, you try to give 'em a hint, they won't leave, and then there's that big awkward silence, you know... [silence ensues] ...Can I stay with you?
Shrek: Uh, what?
Donkey: Can I stay with you... please?
Shrek: Of course!
Donkey: Really?
Shrek: No.
Donkey: Please! I don't wanna go back there! You don't know what it's like to be considered a freak! [slight pause; Shrek gives Donkey a look] Well, maybe you do. But that's why we gotta stick together! You gotta let me stay! Please, please!
Shrek: Okay! Okay. But one night only.
Donkey: Ah, thank you!
[Shrek opens his door, Donkey charges into the hovel]
Shrek: Ah! What are you... No, no, no!
Donkey: This is gonna be fun. We can stay up late, swappin' manly stories, and in the mornin', I'm makin' waffles!
Shrek: Ohh!
Donkey: Where do, uh, I sleep?
Shrek: Outside!
Donkey: Oh, ah, I guess that's cool. I mean, I don't know you, and you don't know me, so I guess outside is best, you know. [sniffs] Here I go. Good night. [sighs]
[Shrek shuts the door]
Donkey: I mean, I do like the outdoors. I'm a donkey. I was born outside. I'll just be sitting by myself outside, I guess, you know. Sit by myself, outside. [singing] I'm all alone, there's no one here beside me.
[Donkey walks from outside, Shrek goes to the house]
[At dinner]
Shrek: I thought I told you to stay outside.
Donkey: I am outside.
[Shrek hears skittering. He spins to look and he whips around to see Three Blind Mice stumbling around on his dinner table]
Mouse #1: Well, gents, it's a far cry from the farm, but what choice do we have?
Mouse #2: Well, it's not home, but it'll do just fine.
[Shrek starts toward the table. Mouse 3 walks up to Shrek's ear wax candle. Mouse 1 bounces on Shrek's squid]
Mouse #3: What a lovely bed!
Shrek: Gotcha!
Mouse #3: I've found some cheese!
[Mouse 3 takes a bite of the ear wax candle and spits it out]
Shrek: Ow!
Mouse #3: Blah! Awful stuff.
[A masked man named Thelonious is torturing the Gingerbread Man. He's continually dunking him in a glass of milk. Lord Farquaad puts his gloves on and walks in]
Gingerbread Man: [Off-screen] No!
Lord Farquaad: [his first words] That's enough! He's ready to talk. [puts him down; Farquaad laughs, then signals for the table to lower] Run, run, run, as you fast as you can. You can't catch me, I'm the Gingerbread Man!
Gingerbread Man: You're a monster.
Lord Farquaad: I'm not the monster here. You are. You and the rest of that fairy tale trash, poisoning my perfect world. Now, tell me! Where are the others?!
Gingerbread Man: Eat me! [spits at Farquaad]
Lord Farquaad: [grunts] I've tried to be fair with you creatures, but now my patience has reached its end! Tell me, or I'll--
[Farquaad reaches to pull off one of Gingerbread Man's buttons]
Gingerbread Man: No! Not the buttons! Not my gumdrop buttons!
Lord Farquaad: All right, then, who's hiding them?!
Gingerbread Man: Okay! I'll tell you. Do you know the muffin man?
Lord Farquaad: The muffin man?
Gingerbread Man: The muffin man.
Lord Farquaad: Yes. I know the muffin man. Who-who lives on Drury Lane?
Gingerbread Man: Well, she's married to the muffin man.
Lord Farquaad: The muffin man?!
Gingerbread Man: THE MUFFIN MAN!
Lord Farquaad: She's married to the muffin man.
Captain of the Guard: [his last words] My lord! We found it.
Lord Farquaad: Then what are you waiting for? Bring it in.

Shrek in the Swamp Karaoke Dance Party

Shrek: Hi everybody, and welcome to the Shrek in the Swamp Karaoke Dance Party. [turns on the radio] I'm gonna take things down a little bit with one of my personal favorites.

See also

Taglines

  • The greatest fairy tale never told.
  • The Prince isn't charming. The Princess isn't sleeping. The sidekick isn't helping. The ogre is the hero. Fairy tales will never be the same again.

Voice Cast

Wikipedia
Wikipedia
Wikipedia has an article about:
  Feature films     Main       (2001) ·  (2004) ·  (2007) ·  (2010) 
  Spin-offs       (2011) · Puss in Boots: The Last Wish  (2022) 
  Short films     Shrek in the Swamp Karaoke Dance Party  (2001) · Shrek 4D  (2003) · Thriller Night  (2011) · Puss in Boots: The Three Diablos  (2012)  
  Television specials     Far Far Away Idol  (2004) · Shrek the Halls  (2007) · Scared Shrekless  (2010)
  Video games     Shrek  (2001) · Shrek 2  (2004) · Shrek SuperSlam  (2005) · Shrek the Third  (2007) · Shrek Forever After  (2010) · Puss in Boots  (2011)
 Related      Last words in Shrek media
Authority control: WorldCat search
Retrieved from "https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=Shrek&oldid=3883140"