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Shrek Forever After

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Shrek Forever After (also known as Shrek: The Final Chapter or Shrek Forever After: The Final Chapter) is a 2010 animated fantasy-comedy film, and it is the fourth installment in the Shrek film series. The film is released by DreamWorks Animation and distributed by Paramount Pictures. It was released in theaters on May 5, 2010 in Russia, on May 15 in the United States, Pakistan, Canada, India and on May 28 in Vietnam. The film was released on June 17, 2010 in Australia and Sri Lanka and on July 2, 2010 in the United Kingdom and Ireland.

Like the first 3 Shrek films, the film is based on fairy tale themes.

It ain't ogre– til it's ogre. (taglines)

Shrek

[edit]
  • Where’s Fiona? Where’s my family!
  • [spots at Fiona's crown] Oh, no. If I didn’t saved Fiona. Then who did?
  • You know, I always thought I rescued you from the Dragon's Keep.
  • No. It was you that rescued me.

Dialogue

[edit]
Rumpelstiltskin: [narrating] Once upon a time a long time ago, a king and a queen had a beautiful daughter named Fiona. But she was possessed by a terrible curse. By day, a lovely princess; by night, a hideous ogre. Only true love's kiss would lift her curse. So Fiona waited in a tower, guarded by a dragon, until the day when her true love would arrive. But as the days turned into years, the King and Queen were forced to resort to more desperate measures.
King Harold: I don’t know about this, Lillian. Fairy Godmother said only true love’s kiss could break Fiona’s curse.
Queen Lillian: I don’t trust that woman, Harold. This may be our last hope. Besides, he does come highly recommended by King Midas.
King Harold: But to put our daughter’s life in the hands of this…person? He’s devious. He’s deceitful. He’s...he’s…
Rumpelstiltskin: Rumpelstiltskin!
Rumpelstiltskin: [narrating] No one would have guessed that an ogre named Shrek, whose roar was feared throughout the land, would save the beautiful Princess Fiona. [He angrily turned the page, showing a picture of Shrek and Fiona kissing and a separate picture of their babies.]
Rumpelstiltskin: [irate] True love’s kiss led to marriage and ogre babies!
[He ripped off the page of the babies, showing the page of good guys and villains (who were reformed thanks to Artie) holding hands together.]
Rumpelstiltskin: The kingdom of Far Far Away was finally at peace (sarcastically) Goody for them!
[He ripped off that page as well, leaving the page with the ogre family in front of the swamp.]
Rumpelstiltskin: [furiously] AND THEY LIVED HAPPILY--
[He ripped off that page, leaving the page of Shrek with Donkey and Puss bumping fists.]
Rumpelstiltskin: EVER--
[He ripped off that page, getting to the final one with Shrek and Fiona riding a unicorn, while Pinocchio waved a wand, Donkey ran with his kids, the Three Little Pigs, the Three Blind Mice, Puss and Gingy riding down rainbows, and the ogre babies riding a cloud.]
Rumpelstiltskin: AFTER!
[As Rumpelstiltskin angrily scrunches up a page from a library book about Shrek]
Pinocchio: Uh, sir? You’re gonna have to pay for that.
Rumpelstiltskin: Uh, m-m-maybe we can make a deal for it, little boy?
Pinocchio: Oh, I'm not a real boy.
Rumpelstiltskin: [looking devious] Do you want to be?
Pinocchio: [kicks him out of the library] NOBODY NEEDS YOUR DEALS ANYMORE, GRUMPEL STINKYPANTS! [closes the door]
Rumpelstiltskin: [coughs, and looks at the ripped page of the royal family in anger] I wish that ogre was never born!
Butterpants' father: Hey! I believe you promised my son a roar.
Butterpants: Do the roar.
Shrek: Uh, roar.
Butterpants: [unimpressed] I don't like it.
Shrek: Pigs, we need another cake.
Heimlich: But we ate ze other cakes.
[The babies cried some more, and Shrek tried calming them down by bouncing them.]
Butterpants' father: Come on, man. One roar!
Donkey: Hey, everybody. Shrek’s gonna do his famous ogre roar! [The Dronkeys gathered around their dad, excited for uncle Shrek's roar.]
Shrek: Not now, Donkey. Pigs, are there any cupcakes?
Dieter: We ate them, too.
Heimlich: Zhey have lollipops.
Horst: No, I ate them.
Dieter: What, you didn’t share?
Horst: [frowns] Well, you didn’t share the croissants!
[The babies cried some more.]
Shrek: Everything's gonna be okay.
Princess Fiona: [came and took her kids, holding them.] Shrek, what's going on?
[Butterpants was hugging Donkey.]
Donkey: Come on, Shrek! Your fans are waitin'.
Butterpants: Do the roar.
[Pinocchio ran around Shrek, singing and shouting indistinctly. Wolf blew another balloon up until it popped. Then everyone all spoke or made noises at once. All of this pressure and tension going on today was taking a toll on Shrek enough, he was losing his patience, trying his best to fight it.]
Crowd: Do the Roar! Do the Roar!
Princess Fiona: We Need the Cake! Cake! Cake! Cake!
[Shrek couldn't hold it in any more longer, so he let out an enormous, furious ogre roar at the top of his lungs that nearly blew everyone away, even Butter Pants' hat was blown off.]
Shrek: RRRROOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR!!!
[Once he was done, he panted and everyone else was left stunned and silent for a moment until they all cheered.]
Butterpants: (chuckles as he hugs his dad) I love you, daddy.
[Wolf then slapped a party hat onto Shrek's head, to his annoyance.]
Puss in Boots: Everybody, I have found... [lifted his cape to reveal another cake decorated like the last one.] another cake!
[Everyone started chanting Shrek's name as Shrek stared angrily at the cake, fuming. The concerned Fiona just noticed the look on her husband as he handed Felicia to her mother.]
Princess Fiona: Shrek? Are you okay?
[Shrek continued glaring at the adorable ogre picture on the cake, feeling it mocked him.]
Everyone: Shrek! Shrek! Shrek! Shrek! Shrek! Shrek!
[Shrek then slammed his big fist into the cake's center, making everyone gasp in shock. He all gave a miserable stare at everybody and even Fiona, who was more stunned than anyone else. Then he stormed out of the diner in anger. Everyone else just stood, stunned. Even Gingy was stunned as his frosting chaps fell off.]
[Outside, Rumpelstiltskin was in the trash, looking for scraps, as he saw a plate and licked it, trying to get some flavor. Then he heard the door slam as he hid, but saw Shrek storms out of the party with Fiona following him.]
Princess Fiona: Unbelievable!
Shrek: Tell me about it! Those villagers are...
Princess Fiona: I'm not talking about the villagers, Shrek, I'm talking about you. Is this really how you want to remember the kids' first birthday?
Shrek: Oh, great. So this is all my fault?
Princess Fiona: Yes! But.... You know what? Let's talk about this after the party, at home.
Shrek: You mean that roadside attraction we live in? [mimicking the tour guide] "Step right up! See the dancing ogre! Don't worry! He won't bite!" I USED to be an ogre, now I'm just a Jolly Green Joke!
Princess Fiona: Okay, okay. Maybe you're not the ogre you used to be. But maybe that's not such a bad thing.
Shrek: [scoffs] Oh, I wouldn't expect you to understand. It is not like you're a real ogre. You spent half your life in a palace! [throws down the party hat]
Princess Fiona: [solemnly] And the other half locked away in a tower.
Shrek: [sighs] Look, all I want is for things to go back to the way they used to be. Back when villagers were afraid of me, and I could take a mud bath in peace, when I could do what I wanted when I wanted to do it. Back when the world made sense!
Princess Fiona: [sharply] You mean, back before you rescued me from the Dragon's Keep?
Shrek: [angrily] Exactly!
Princess Fiona: [widens her eyes in great shock, not believing what her husband just said to her; solemnly] Shrek, you have three beautiful children, a wife who loves you, friends who adore you. You have everything. Why is it the only person who can't see that... is you?
[Shrek doesn't respond; Fiona heads back inside the party, but before she gets in, she glances and shakes her at Shrek who just glares at her. She sadly closes the door, leaving Shrek alone]
Shrek: That's just great. [leaves]
[Rumpelstiltskin peeked out, and his pet goose Fifi, who was now freakishly larger than she was before, peeked out of another trash can, eating some trash. Rumpelstiltskin smirked evilly, knowing this was his chance to finally get back at the ogre who put him out of business.]
Rumpelstiltskin: So, you're not gonna eat me?
Shrek: No, thanks. I already had a big bowl of curly-toed weirdo for breakfast.
[A couple hours later, rain was pouring as Fifi was pulling the carriage through the forest. Inside, Shrek was telling a joke to Rumpelstiltskin, and the ogre has had more than just one Eyeball-tini.]
Shrek: So the centaur says, "That’s not the half I’m talkin' about."
[The two chuckled a bit.]
Rumpelstiltskin: I gotta say, Shrek, I envy you. To live the life of an ogre…no worries, no responsibilities. [takes a sip of an eyeball-tini] You are free to pillage and terrorize as you please.
Shrek: Free? [chuckles and rolls eyes] That’s a laugh.
Rumpelstiltskin: Oh yeah?
Shrek: Sometimes I wish I had just one day to feel like a real ogre again. [ate the eyeball off the toothpick.]
Rumpelstiltskin: Well, why didn’t ya say so? [stands up in his chair] Magical transactions are my specialty! Come on! [He then grabbed all the empty glasses to put them away.]
Shrek: Oh, great. Next to mimes, magicians are my favorite people.
Rumpelstiltskin: [laughed sarcastically while climbing a ladder.] Hold on. [started rummaging through his deal scrolls.] "King for a Month." "Knight for a Week." [finds one] Ah. [He then laid out one special contract onto the table, titled "Ogre for a Day".] "Ogre for a day".
[Shrek was even more puzzled than ever. Rumpelstiltskin then appeared right next to him.]
Rumpelstiltskin: Think about it, Shrek. To be feared and hated. You’ll be like, "Roar!" And the villagers will be like, [mimicking scared citizen] "Get away! It’s Shrek! I’m so scared of him!" It would be just like the good old days, when your swamp was your castle. When the world made... sense.
Shrek: All right, what’s the catch?
Rumpelstiltskin: Catch? No. There’s no catch. No catchings, really. I mean, there’s something. A small thing. Nothing. A little thing.
Shrek: Alright. I knew it. So what do you want?
Rumpelstiltskin: A day.
Shrek: A day?
Rumplestiltskin: Ooh, rat's done!
[He put on some oven mitts, opened the stove and took out the cooked rat.]
Rumpelstiltskin: Well, to make the magic work, you gotta give something to get something. In this case, you gotta give a day to get a day. That’s all.
Shrek: I can’t just pick up and leave my family.
Rumpelstiltskin: Oh, but that’s the best part, Shrek! It’s a magical contract. No one will even know you’re gone. And by the time this day is up, (gives a smile) you are gonna feel like a changed ogre.
Shrek: Still, I don’t know.
Rumpelstiltskin: Hey, no problem. Forget it, no big D. It doesn’t matter. Hey, do you like white meat or dark meat?
[The short man poured some sauce onto the rat with a soup ladel. Shrek looked thoughtful about this deal.]
Shrek: So what day would I have to give up? [As Rumpelstiltskin got out a knife and fork, he smirked secretly.]
Rumpelstiltskin: Oh, I don’t know, any day. A day from your past. (starts carving the rat) How 'bout the day you had the flu? A day you lost a pet? [bitterly/faster] A day some meddling oaf stuckhisbignosewhereitdidn'tbelong, DESTROYINGYOURBUSINESSANDRUININGYOURLIFE?! [Of course, he was carving so fast that he ended up cutting through the rat and the plate, breaking it. Shrek looked at him a bit strangely but Rumpelstiltskin quickly realized his behavior as he hastily began to bring back his composure.] Just for an example. [He placed the plate with the lower half of the rat on the table.]
Shrek: Well, how about the day I met Donkey? Now there’s a day I’d like to take back. [laughing]
Rumpelstiltskin: [laughing] I don’t know who that is. [gets an idea] I know. What about a day you wouldn’t even remember? Like a day when you were a baby. An innocent, mindless little baby.
Shrek: You can take any of those days you want. Take them all, for all I care.
Rumpelstiltskin: Oh, just one will do. [He then got out the ink jar and feather pen, dabbed the said pen into said jar, with a small magic spark appearing.] OK, good. A day from your childhood it is.
Shrek: I guess there’s nothin' wrong with wanting a little time for myself.
Rumpelstiltskin: Just 24 tiny little hours.
Shrek: I’m still my own ogre!
Rumpelstiltskin: Yeah, you is!
Shrek: I never needed to ask for anyone’s permission before.
Rumpelstiltskin: [pushes the contract towards him] So why start now, huh?
[Shrek looked down at the contract for a moment, and then looked back up at the deal maker, who handed the quill to the ogre.]
Rumpelstiltskin: Go on, Shrek. Sign it!
[As Shrek started signing his name in big, bold, gold letters, the deal maker kept urging him to sign it. He was so tensed from this, that even his nasty toes with yellow toenails ripped out of his shoes and scraped the floor.] Go on, Shrek. Sign it, Shrek! Sign it! [During the tension, Fifi also honked a few times, but then, when Shrek wrote the last letter of his name, the tension stopped. Fifi stopped honking and Rumpelstiltskin was calm, but had a glow of excitement.] Oh... you signed it.
Shrek: So, tell me. What happens now?
Rumpelstiltskin: [mockingly] Have a nice day.
[He then cackled villainously as he disappeared in a flash of yellow light. Then, to Shrek's shock, the pen disappeared and the whole carriage came apart like a house would in a tornado, and Shrek suddenly found himself caught in a glowing yellow cyclone, as the parts of the carriage disappeared. The ogre yelled in alarm as he was tossed all around through the air.]
Shrek: Whoooaaa! WHOOOOAAAAAAAAAA!!
[Then the yellow background transformed back into the forest setting, only it was sunny and during the daytime. Shrek came falling from the sky and crash-landed hard on the ground, with a jingling sound heard upon his crash.]
Shrek: [groans] I think I fell on my keys.
Shrek: Sure is great to be wanted again. [sees another poster] Oh, nice one.
[Then when he saw one more wanted poster, and there was something different about the others that made his smile disappear. It had the face of a familiar ogre. He went up closer to it, and saw that it was of Fiona, giving a fierce look.]
Shrek: Fiona?
[He then saw more Wanted posters of Fiona on just about every tree, making him worried. He even saw a couple with axes and knives pinned at them. As he saw all the other posters, he began breathing harder.]
Shrek: Oh no.
[He then raced out of the forest to get to his home. He raced through a cornfield, breathing like mad, and when he came to the end of it, he saw what looked like the structure of his swamp home, except there were no doors or windows.]
Shrek: My home. [runs to it] Fiona! [However, the structure was very solid when he came up to it.] Fiona! Are you in there?!
[He then used his ogre strength to pound his way through the soil structure three times and soon created a hole which he fell in through. He got up and saw that the place was empty, and not only that but there was no furniture. It was all a dark underground setting with dirt and roots as far as the eye can see. He walked around, pushed through some dangling roots, and saw a rat on one root, before it and other rats scampered away. Shrek then frowned in anger before leaving the structure.]
Shrek: [yelling out] All right, Rumpel! This wasn’t part of the deal! [He looked around and saw all the trees in his swamp all dry and leafless. Not only that, but there was no grass, plants or any swamp water. The place looked like a complete dried-up wasteland.] Rumpel!
[But not an answer came. Shrek then dug in his shirt and pulled out the folded-up contract that he unfolded, and thought to have a better look at it. Then something flew above him, making a 'woosh' sound. He thought it was nothing, but then there were two more quick figures flying above him. He then turned around and saw what appeared to be a pack of witches flying on their broomsticks. One witch, Broomsy Witch, spotted Shrek down below.]
Broomsy Witch: [points at Shrek] Ogre! [Shrek gave a confused shrug. The other witches joined Broomsy.] We’ve got another one, ladies! Get him!
[The witches all cackled as they dove in, flying in a circle around the swamp.]
Shrek: Who are you?! What are you doing in my swamp?!
[One laughing witch came swooping right at him, but he grabbed her broom, and she ended up yelling in alarm as she came crashing towards a tree. She got caught in the tree with her kicking feet sticking out.]
Broomsy Witch: Looks like a troublemaker!
[She got out an apple, used her teeth to pluck out the stem like a grenade pin and chucked it towards Shrek's feet, to his confusion. Then the apple started spinning around like mad releasing smoke from it, and when smoke clouded the spot where Shrek was, he coughed as he tried waving the smoke away. Then one chain with an iron skull was swung and ensnared Shrek by the arm. The witches continued cackling as another witch tossed another chain with a chattering skull to ensnare Shrek by the ankle, and one more chain grabbed Shrek by the second ankle.]
Broomsy Witch: Spread ‘em!
[Shrek yelped as he was pulled by the chains and lifted up in the air by the witches taking him away. He screamed as he was pulled up, and hit a part of what would have been the roof of his home along the way out. The witches cackled some more as they carried their prisoner off.]
Broomsy Witch: Nice job, ladies!
[Shrek used his fist to break off the chain carrying his arm, forcing him to drop to the ground, but was still being dragged by the chains carrying his legs, grunting as he hit the ground before the witches managed to pull him back up in the air.]
Shrek: You witches are making a big mistake! I know my rights!
Pumpkin Witch: You have the right to shut your mouth! [drops a pumpkin which explodes with smoke in Shrek's face]
[Sometime later, Shrek was lying down asleep somewhere, as a familiar voice was heard singing outside.]
Donkey: [singing] ♪ Just thinking about tomorrow Clears away the cobwebs and the sorrow 'Til there's none When I'm stuck with a day That's gray And lonely
Shrek: [groans] Donkey, stop with the singing, will you? [His eyes opened up in realization.]
Donkey: ♪ I just stick out my chin, And grin, And say
Shrek: Donkey! [hit his head on the ceiling.] Ow!
[Shrek then looked and found out he was in some sort of cage on wheels.]
Donkey: ♪ Oh, the sun'll come out tomorrow So you gotta hang on 'til tomorrow [He peeked and saw Donkey, fuzzier, pulling the carriage he was in There were two witches on top of the cage in charge of driving..] Come what may Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love ya, Tomorrow! ♪
Shrek: Donkey, where am I? What’s happening?
Cage Witch #1: Quiet down there! Oh, I hate this song. [whipped Donkey, making him yelp as he sang a different song.]
Donkey: [singing] ♪ But I made up my mind I'm keeping my baby Ooooh ♪
Cage Witch #2: Yeah, I’m driving, so I’m in charge of the music. [took the instrument of torture and gave the donkey another lash.]
Donkey: Will you witches make up your mind? [The only response was another lash.] ♪ No matter what they take from me ♪ [The second witch grinned, apparently liking the song as she nudged her partner, who also liked the song. They even started to sing along.]
Donkey and Witches: [singing] ♪ They can't take away my dignity Because the greatest love of all ♪
Shrek: Psst, Donkey? What's going on? Do you know where Fiona is?
Donkey: Shh! Quiet, ogre! You're gonna get me in trouble and I need this job. I am not going back to work for Old MacDonald. Tell me to E-I-E-I-O. "E-I-E-I-No!" That's what I said.
Shrek: Where are my babies? [as Donkey rolls his eyes] And where's your wife, Dragon?
Donkey: Look, ogre. I think you have me confused with some other talking donkey. I've never seen you before in my life.
Shrek: [puzzled] Never seen me before? Come on, Donkey!
Donkey: And how do you know my name anyway?
Shrek: It's me, Shrek. Your best friend?
Donkey: [scoffs] A donkey and an ogre friends? That's the most ridiculous thing I ever heard! [As he kept pulling the cage, Shrek fumed in frustration.]
Shrek: Can you at least tell me where they're taking me?
Donkey: To the same place they take every ogre. To Rumpelstiltskin.
Shrek: Stiltskin!
Cage Witch: [hits Shrek with her broom] I said, quiet! [The second witch whipped Donkey again.]
Donkey: [singing] ♪ Hit me with your best shot ♪ [Shrek then pounded the cage angrily as he saw something definitely different, and to his horror, it was most of the letters of the Far, Far Away sign destroyed.] ♪ Why don't you hit me with your best shot Hit me with your best shot ♪
Shrek: Oh, no.
Donkey: ♪ Fire away! ♪
[To make matters worse, the green hills of the kingdom were now like a barren wasteland, and the castle is replaced with a huge fortress of a castle with a familiar carriage at the top, with a big 'R' on top as well.]
[The witches laughed heartlessly while pushing the doors open, and inside the huge room was a rave party going on with the whole room infested with witches, dancing and celebrating, with loud rave music playing. They saw the witches leading the imprisoned ogre through the room as they moved aside. Shrek glanced at his surroundings, and saw the Three Little Pigs in servant clothes feeding Fifi some ham. She pecked at it a bit, before scarfing it all down. He glanced at another corner with a witch band playing the rave music with a pumpkin drum, a broomstick bass, a skull xylophone which made synthisizer music, and a huge brewing cauldron. As the rest of the witches continued dancing and shouting with glee, the witches that held Shrek prisoner kept leading Shrek across the ballroom. At this time, at a small corner lined with red VIP ropes in front, a certain deal maker was in a couch-styled throne (with the ruler's seat being in the middle), wearing fancy white clothes, laughing and having drinks with four more witches. Then another witch called out.]
Witch: Mr. Stiltskin? [Rumpelstiltskin took a sip from a cocktail drink, glancing at the customer with a wide smirk. spots at Pinocchio] You got another customer.
Rumpelstiltskin: [turned to Wolf, now dressed as a maid, next to a cart full of different wigs] Wolfie!
Wolf: [dryly] Yes, Mr. Stiltskin.
Rumpelstiltskin: Bring me my business wig.
Pinocchio: [pleading] Mr. Stiltskin, oh, please!
Rumpelstiltskin: [cutting him off] Abupupup! [The miserable wolf placed a Victorian styled white powdered wig over him] OK, go.
Pinocchio: Oh, please make me a real boy!
Rumpelstiltskin: [got out a rolled up contract and smacked the wolf away] Go away! [to Pinocchio] Terms are in the details, balsa boy. [rolled out the contract, and pushed it, a quill and an ink jar towards the puppet, who was eagerly ready to sign.]
Pinocchio: Sayonara, termites! Hello, acne!
[Rumpelstiltskin laughed as Pinocchio started signing when...]
Shrek: Stiltskin!
[Then all the music, dancing and talking stopped as all the witches turned towards Shrek.]
Rumpelstiltskin: Oh, Shrek! [Witches gasps and the music stops; laughs stood up on his desk] There he is! [walked across the desk, he unknowingly knocked over the ink jar, spilling ink over the spot where Pinocchio signed half his name in cursive.]
Pinocchio: Oh! So close! [his arm was grabbed by one of the witches and dragged away from the table, without Rumpelstiltskin caring to notice.]
Rumpelstiltskin: Have I been waitin' for you! [hopped from the table and announced to all the witches.] Ladies, this is the guy that made all of this possible! [They all cheered wildly. Then he climbed up towards Shrek] So, tell me, [pulling on Shrek's ear whispers] how are you enjoying your day?
Shrek: All right, Rumpel, what’s going on?! What have you done?
Rumpelstiltskin: [hopped off] No, Shrek, it’s not what I’ve done. It’s what you’ve done. [skips to his table and sits on it] Thanks to you, the King and Queen signed their kingdom over to me.
Shrek: They would never do that.
Rumpelstiltskin: They would if [Flashback to King Harold and Queen Lillian] I promised them all their problems would disappear. [King Harold writing the contract] And then they disappeared! [King Harold and Queen Lillian screaming disappears drops their crowns flashback ends he holds the King's crown, sighs happily] They would have done anything if they thought it would end their daughter’s curse.
Shrek: I ended Fiona’s curse!
Rumpelstiltskin: How could you when you never existed?
Shrek: You better start making sense, you dirty little man!
Rumperstiltskin: Here, let spell out for ya. You gave me a day from your past, a day you wouldn't even remember, a day when you were an innocent, mindless, little baby. [starts scatting "Happy Birthday"]
Shrek: [shocked] You took the day I was born.
Rumpelstiltskin: No, Shrek. You gave it to me.
Shrek: Enjoy this while you can, Stiltskin, because when this day is up...
Rumpelstiltskin: But you haven’t heard the best part. Since you were never born, once this day comes to an end, so will you!
[The witches all laughed as Shrek saw the hourglass with the sand running, which meant the time he had left was running.]
Shrek: Where's Fiona? WHERE’S MY FAMILY?!
Rumpelstiltskin: Silly little ogre. You don’t get it, do you? You see, you were never born. You never met Fiona. Your kids don’t exist. [Then the witches all laughed at Shrek's misery, making the ogre more upset. Rumpelstiltskin even taunted him some mores] How’s that for a metaphysical paradox? Looks like you got exactly what you wanted! [mockingly] HAPPY OGRE-DAY!
Shrek: [enraged] RUMPEL!! [He lunged at Rumpelstiltskin, who yelped in alarm as he jumped back.]
Rumpelstiltskin: Get him! Get him, witches!
[A witch fired another skull chain at Shrek, but he sensed it was coming this time, so he turned and blocked himself with the chains of his cuffs, just in time for the skull to reach him. The skull chomped the chains, breaking them. The witches screamed in alarm and panic as Shrek then ripped the shackles off his neck, growling. Another witch flying on a broomstick was twirling a skull chain and firing it at Shrek, but he quickly grabbed it and gave it a yank, pulling the witch down to his level. Shrek and the witch were face-to-face, with the witch worried what he would do to her. Outside in the halls, Donkey was speaking to two witches, though it was hard to tell if they were paying attention or ignoring.]
Donkey: You know what’d help morale around here? Flip-flop Fridays. Feet would be comfortable with the breeze on your toes.
[Then, without warning, the doors burst open and Shrek came flying through on the broomstick he took, rather clumsily. He knocked the two witches and Donkey down in the process, and at this time, "Click Click" by Light FM started playing. Shrek yelped a bit as he rode a loop-de-loop. Donkey looked over the edge of the bridge he was on and saw Shrek spiraling downward before trying to ride the broom on the bottom story, though not doing very well.]
Witch: Come on, girls!
[Five of the witches leaped off the bridge and onto their broomsticks, cackling madly as they pursued the ogre throughout the floor. Through the halls, Shrek still tried getting the hang of flying a broom as the pumpkin witch chucked pumpkin bombs at him, but he luckily dodged each one. Back on the top story, Rumpelstiltskin came out, angrily shoving one of the witches.]
Rumpelstiltskin: Lock all the doors, you worthless witches! [kicks a witch] Do it!
[The short man then saw Shrek flying up towards him with a stern look, making him yelp. As the ogre on the broom zoomed upward, Rumpelstiltskin's wig briefly flew off his head from the impact.]
Shrek: [calls back] I’ll be right back, Donkey! [zoomed off, trying to figure out how to shake the witches.]
Donkey: I don’t know you. [to Rumpelstiltskin] I don’t know him.
[The witches pursued Shrek through a higher story, and when he came to the edge and saw a pole, he smirked, getting an idea. Once he came to the pole, he swung around it and flew back, though rather lop-sided. When the witches saw him swerving towards them, they all flew out of the way to avoid getting hit. Shrek then managed to get a decent hold of the broom as he zoomed back to the bottom floor, dodging more incoming pumpkin bombs. He came back to the floor where Rumpelstiltskin and Donkey were, stopped the broom and glared at the foe.]
Donkey: I’m glad I’m not you.
[Rumpelstiltskin ran off as Shrek then swooped in, but instead of going after the deal maker who stole his birth, he scooped up Donkey in one swipe and flew into another room, with Donkey screaming for help.]
Donkey: Help me! Help!
[Shrek saw the skylight up above, and he smirked, getting an escape idea.]
Donkey: Oh, no! Help!
[With the witches still on the ogre's tail, he swung around the golden chain of a huge shiny ball hung as the castle's centerpiece. He grabbed the chain, and began to twirl around the room while holding the chain, using the ball to smash everything in its path, with the witches (the ones who weren't chasing Shrek) all screaming as they ran to avoid getting crushed by the ball or the debris. While this happened, Rumpelstiltskin could only watch helplessly and in despair.]
Rumpelstiltskin: No, not my pretty ball!
[The witches continued pursuing Shrek, with the ogre and donkey getting closer to the skylight, with Donkey screaming and Shrek yelling.]
Shrek: [covers Donkey's eyes] Watch out!
[The two then smashed straight through the skylight with the ball getting jammed in the hole, and the flying witches' brooms getting pinned to the ball itself, and some fell off, screaming, and landed on the floor. Outside, Shrek and Donkey zoomed off and away from the castle, with Donkey still screaming. Back in the castle, the ball didn't have anything to latch itself to, so it didn't take long for the ball itself to creak loudly, before falling back and crashing into the ground with a very loud thump.]
Rumpelstiltskin: [turns on Wolf] Wolfe, my angry wig.
[The witch maids walked away in worry while Wolf removed the business wig and replaced it with a new one, which was a tall, red, fiery wig that resembled either Syndrome's hair from the Incredibles or a Troll doll's hair. Wolf walked away as well before Rumpelstiltskin breathed in anger.]
Donkey: [running] Just take my wallet!
Shrek: [chases after Donkey] Hey!
Donkey: Just take my wallet! I'M BEING ASS-NAPPED!
[Shrek tackles Donkey]
Donkey: ANIMAL CRUELTY! HELP!
Shrek: [covers Donkey mouth] You need to calm down. I'm your friend.
Donkey: [muffled] My friend?!
Shrek: I'm not gonna hurt you, all right? Good! [uncovers Donkey's mouth] I'm gonna let go.... right.... now.
Donkey: [screaming] Please! EAT MY FACE LAST! SEND MY HOOVES TO MY MAMA!
Shrek: Donkey! You got to trust me.
Donkey: Why should I trust you?
Shrek: Because... Because.... [sighs] OK. [singing] Winter, spring, summer, fall, all you got to do is call... And I'll be there, ye, ye, ye... You've got a friend. [Donkey looks up at Shrek and smiles at him, but then runs away screaming] FINE! GO AHEAD, RUN AWAY, WHO NEEDS YOU!
[He then miserably walked through the forest and sat down on a log, but upon sitting, a squeaky noise was heard. He reached from his pocket and pulled out the source of the noise, Felicia's squeaky ogre toy. He stared at it and held it sadly, knowing he'll never see Fiona or his kids again. Then, as a tear began streaming from his eye, he held his head down.]
Donkey: [offscreen] I’ve never seen an ogre cry.
[Shrek turned and saw Donkey right next to him.]
Shrek: [wiped the tear away] I’m not crying.
Donkey: It’s nothing to be ashamed of. I cry all the time. Just thinking about my grandma, or thinking about baby kittens, or my grandma kissing a baby kitten, [choking up] or a little baby grandma kitten. [starts to cry himself] That is so darn sad.
Shrek: I said I’m not crying!
Donkey: [recovers] Hey, take it easy, I’m only trying to help. It’s none of my business why you’re upset. By the way, why are you upset?
Shrek: I was tricked into signing something I shouldn’t have.
Donkey: Oh, you signed up for one of them time-shares, huh?
Shrek: No. [pulls out contract] I signed this.
Donkey: [gasps] You should never sign a contract with Rumpelstiltskin!
Shrek: Yeah, I got that.
Donkey: His fine print is crafty.
Shrek: I know.
Donkey: His exit clauses are sneaky.
Shrek: Yeah, I...What did you say?
Donkey: I’m talking about the exit clause. Used to be, you had to guess his name, but now everybody knows who Rumpelstiltskin is.
Shrek: Donkey, I’ve read the fine print, and there’s nothing about an exit clause in here.
Donkey: Well, you didn’t expect him to make it easy for you. Here, let me show you how it’s done. [grabbed the contract with his teeth and placed it on the ground, starting to fold the paper.] I didn’t spend all that time around them witches without picking up a few tricks. Your tiny, little ogre brain couldn’t begin to comprehend the complexity of my polygonic foldability skills.
Shrek: What are you doing?
Donkey: Hey, I can’t get my origami on unless you back off. Thank you. [Shrek rolled his eyes and sighed as Donkey continued folding.] OK, here’s what you gotta do. You fold this piece here, make this letter match up here, bring this corner here, and if you do it just right, it will show you what to do. [Then Shrek saw that Donkey's paper folding started to from letters together to form the exit clause. Once Donkey was finished, he showed the folded up paper to the ogre.] There! "Try Lou’s Bliss. " [Shrek only gave a confused look.] Now, who’s Lou?
Shrek: Give me that! [snatched the paper and did some folding himself, and then it showed a heart with the TRUE words of the exit clause: "True Love's Kiss".] "True Love’s Kiss."
Donkey: Hey, boy, you gonna have to take me to dinner first.
Shrek: [rolls eyes] "According to fairy tale law, if not fully satisfied, true love’s kiss will render this contract null and void." Donkey, you did it! [picked Donkey up and hugged him, with Donkey struggling.] Look at you! If Fiona and I share true love’s kiss, I will get my life back!
Donkey: [gets down] OK! This isn’t a petting zoo! So where is this Fiona?
Shrek: Well, that’s just it, you see. I don’t know.
Donkey: You know, when I lose something, I always try to retrace my steps. So, where did you leave her last?
Shrek: The last time I saw her, I told her I wished I’d never rescued her. [His eyes widened in realization.] Oh, no.
[Shrek knew the only place to look was the place he first rescued her: the dragon's keep, and that's where he went, with Donkey following. This time, there was no lava surrounding the castle. Shrek ran across the bridge, hoping to find Fiona.]
Donkey: Shrek? Shrek! Shrek, no, wait! Wait, Shrek! What, are you crazy? That’s the Dragon’s Keep! They keep dragons in there! [but he screamed when one of the boards he stepped on broke, so he quickly went back.] OK, yeah, fine! Go ahead! I’m gonna just hang back here and find us some breakfast!
[Not paying attention to Donkey, Shrek just raced through the castle, breathing desperately. Thankfully, since Dragon wasn't there either for some reason, Shrek had no trouble making it to the stairs leading to the highest room in the tallest tower. He ran up those stairs and burst the door open, causing pigeons in the room to scatter.]
Shrek: Fiona!
[He looked and saw the bed where he first found Fiona deserted, and the curtains and sheets were all ripped. That's not all he saw. He saw something behind the tapestry of a knight on a steed. He went over, pushing the tapestry aside, seeing markings on the stone wall. They were tallies of all the days Fiona has been locked in the tower. Shrek tore the tapestry off, and the whole wall was marked with tallies. Shrek put his hand on the wall in regret, and then depressingly went over to the bed, and there he saw Fiona's princess tiara.]
Shrek: Oh, no.
[He picked up the tiara, sat down and held it in his hands.]
Shrek: If I didn’t saved Fiona. Then who did?
[He then noticed another object on the ground, and that object was the handkerchief Fiona gave Shrek on the day he rescued her. He picked it up and held it as well. Soon, he returned from the castle, holding the handkerchief.]
Shrek: This is the favor Fiona was supposed to give me on the day we met. [Donkey looked surprised.] It’s a symbol of our love. pushes hankie in front of Donkey's face] Now smell it!
Donkey: [winces] Hey, man, get that dirty favor out of my face!
Shrek: Your nose is the only chance I have of tracking down my wife, so stop complaining and start smelling. [waves it in front of Donkey] Smell it! Get it! Away you go, girl!
Donkey: Do I look like a bloodhound to you? In case you haven’t noticed, I’m a donkey, not a dog! If I was a dog, they’d call me Dog, not Donkey! And another thing... [Then he started sniffing.] Wait a minute. I think I got something. [sniffed the air some more, walking around a bit.] Whatever it is, it’s sweet.
Shrek: Fiona.
Donkey: Luscious and tasty.
Shrek: [frowns] Hey! That’s my wife you’re talking about.
[Donkey then abruptly rose his head up, and dashed off into the forest.]
Shrek: Donkey!
[Donkey started sniffing the ground in the forest like a bloodhound, and to his surprise and happiness, he saw an unguarded plate of stacked waffles coated in syrup sitting on a stump.]
Donkey: Yeah! Waffles! And I thought the Waffle Fairy was just a bedtime story. [rushes up to plate] Sticky stacks of golden, syrupy deliciousness!
Shrek: Donkey! [Points Donkey] Don't eat that! [Donkey stopped and frowned.] There’s a stack of freshly made waffles in the middle of the forest. Don’t you find that a wee bit suspicious? [Donkey trying to take a little nibble of the waffles, but Shrek kept protesting against it.] I’m just... What are you...? Bad Donkey! Mustn’t--I said, don’t! Don’t! No! Get away from it! [Donkey extended his tongue out and licked the dripping syrup of the waffles.] You did.
[Then, without warning, the plate flung the waffles onto a tree. Donkey quickly realized it was a trap.]
Donkey: Uh-oh.
[The stump flipped open like a lid and looked at the hole, rather confused because it didn't seem like an effective trap to him. However, that was not the full trap. Shrek glanced around, seeing hidden pulleys and counterweights turning, and then a log came swinging out to the direction of the two.]
Shrek: [ducks] Look out!
[But Donkey didn't duck in time, as he got hit in the end by the log, sending him into the hole. The ogre ran up to the hole, lifting the lid, seeing Donkey lying there.]
Shrek: Donkey! Are you OK?
Donkey: I’m fine. [But then his hooves got snagged by a rope trap and he was yanked away, screaming.]
Shrek: Donkey. [leaped into the hole and saw it led to a tunnel, and because it was small to walk through, he had to army crawl through it.]
Donkey: Help! Help me! Help, Shrek! Help!
[Then he came out through the other end, pushing the roots, and when getting up, he was awestruck at where he was. He was in some hidden camp with ogres like him roaming about, carrying stuff and doing chores. He wandered around in amazement, looking at the sights, making him grin a bit. A blacksmith ogre was sharpening a tool and a female ogre was carrying an anvil of some sort. As Shrek kept wandering, two ogres carrying a log were coming from behind him.]
Ogre #1: Watch your head.
[He then ducked, letting the two ogres lift the log over him. Then three ogres, including a female one named Gretched, came around him.]
Ogre #2: Hey, it’s a new guy!
Ogre #3: Look at him, all dressed up in his Sunday vest.
Gretched: He’s really tiny, isn’t he?
Ogre #2: Yeah.
[Then, a slender ogre taller than Shrek, known as Brogan, came behind our main ogre, putting his arm around him.]
Brogan: Fate has delivered us a comrade-in-arms and for that, we are thankful. Suit him up!
[The other ogres then took Shrek to get suited up.]
Ogre #3: Let’s go, greenie.
Shrek: Now, wait a minute! [He was placed on an armor vest, along with some wrist bands, and a helmet. One ogre smacked him in the rear to get him going.] Hey!
Brogan: Here you go.
[An axe was tossed into Shrek's arms, which Shrek luckily caught. Three ogres each threw an axe at three different dummies wearing witch's clothes. One ogre even tackled a witch dummy, and brawled with it. Shrek]
Brogan: Welcome to the resistance.
Shrek: [confused] Resistance?
Brogan: [puts arm around Shrek] We fight for freedom and ogres everywhere! [He then held his nose and started blowing a toot through his ears, and then, all the other ogres held their noses and blew through their ears. When the blowing was done, the resistance ogres hooted and laughed while Shrek was even more stunned than already.]
Shrek: [about soilders using their horn] I didn't know we could do that.
Donkey: Help! You can’t eat me! I got the mange! I’m poisonous! I’m all poi…
Shrek: I’ll take him! This order’s to go.
Cookie: Hey! I haven’t removed his giblets yet.
Donkey: I go down smooth, but come out fighting!
Shrek: Let go!
Cookie: Don’t make Papa mad.
Shrek: Your dinner is my friend!
Brogan: Come on, guys!
Cookie: I got to get the giblets out!
Ogres: She’s back.
[Shrek turned and saw a figure arriving on the hill, who was clad with a helmet and armor, and holding an axe in her hand. She removed her helmet, and revealed to be none other than Fiona (in ogre form). She stood there, with the wind blowing her hair, giving it a dramatic flare. When Shrek saw her, he grinned in so much relief.]
Shrek: Fiona! [Fiona spots at him towards her] I’m so happy I found you!
[Fiona kicks him sending him flying, yelling in slow-motion, before crashing to the ground. The ogres winced while some couldn't help but chuckle a bit. The groaning Shrek got up as Fiona walked up, handing her axe to Gretched, and her helmet to Brogan.]
Princess Fiona: Maybe you missed orientation, but for future reference, personal space is very important to me.
Shrek: [worried] You don’t know who I am, do you?
Princess Fiona: No. [to Brogan] Brogan, I have news from Far Far Away. Gather the others and meet me in the war room.
Shrek: Fiona.
Princess Fiona: [to Gretched] Gretched, make sure everyone is prepared to move out tonight.
Shrek: I need to talk to you.
Princess Fiona: [turns on Shrek] What is it?!
Shrek: [calmly] OK, I know you don’t remember me, but… we’re married. [Needless to say, Fiona gave a confused look.] Hear me out. I was at the birthday party with some pigs and a puppet, the villagers wanted me to sign their pitchforks, [As he explained and tried making it sound as believable as he could, Brogan and Gretched were equally as confused as Fiona.] and this boy kept saying, "Do the roar. Do the roar." Then I punched the cakes that the pigs ate and the next thing I knew, my donkey fell in your waffle hole.
[Needless to say as well, pretty much all ogres that weren't Shrek, were completely dumbstruck, and so was Donkey.]
Shrek: Right? Who’s with me?
Princess Fiona: Wow, [chuckles a bit] I guess I must have kicked him harder than I thought.
[The ogres in the resistance laughed a bit.]
Shrek: Fiona, I need to…
[But Fiona held his hand up, as a lookout ogre was perched on a lookout, making "caw" sounds.]
Princess Fiona: Witches! All right, everyone, you know the drill! [She and the other ogres [except Shrek] went to their battle stations.]
Shrek: Fiona!
Donkey: Witches! Oh, no! Witches! Witches!
Shrek: [grabbed Donkey and the sticks he was still attached to.] Come on, now.
[Some of the ogres cut some ropes, closing up the big holes some ogres hid in just in time, and dropping sand bags on fires, putting them out. The weapons were placed in a net which was hoisted upwards, and then a couple ogres hid in a hole underground, putting a cover over the hiding place. Some other ogres, wearing rocks and plants on their heads, held their breaths as they ducked down into some swamp water, and the remaining ogres (Fiona and Brogan included) with bush disguises gathered around the spot where Shrek was and crouched down. With that, every last ogre and the camp itself was completely hidden from sight. Shrek covered the whimpering Donkey's mouth, while the ogres looked up, and saw three of the witches flying up over the forest on their brooms. The lead witch glanced down at the forest, not finding any ogres or the camp, and gave a sneer. The witches then flew off, retreating to Rumpelstiltskin's castle. Once they were gone, the ogres came from their hiding place, murmuring while heading back to their posts.]
Brogan: Fiona, that’s the third patrol today. We can’t hide forever.
Princess Fiona: Trust me, Brogan. After tonight, we won’t have to.
[Shrek and Donkey just sat where they were.]
Donkey: [to Shrek] That’s your wife?
Shrek: That’s my wife.
Donkey: Well, I see who wears the chain mail in your family! [Shrek gave a weird look at him.]
[Back at Rumpelstiltskin's palace, the dictator, not wearing any wigs, was staring at the hour glass with the sands of Shrek's time running, and he gave a sigh.]
Rumpelstiltskin: Some people like to look at the goblet as--as half empty. [turned to a table where some of his witches was sitting, and each had her own cupcake.] Me, I like to look at it as half full. We’ve gone from the bottom to the top, ladies, but we’re not just an empire, we’re a family. Everyone has got their cupcake? Cupcake? Cupcake? Good. Yes? [to one of the witches] Baba? [Baba nodded] Good. [walked around the table as he continued.] Yeah, you know, we have put away a lot of ogres. And so one got away. Who cares? It’s not a big deal. It doesn’t matter to me. [One of the witches who was eating her cupcake, nodded in agreement.] It’s not like it’s the end of the world. [Then he came to the edge of the table, with the tone of his voice becoming a bit more sharp.] Except, funny thing... [He motioned the witch he was near to help him upon top of the table and that's what she did, and the villain began to rant.] Now that I think about it, the ogre who got away is Shrek! [with frustration raising in his voice] And if he shares a kiss with Fiona by sunrise, it IS the end of the world! OUR world! MY EMPIRE!!
[Fifi, resting nearby, honked loudly. Then Rumpelstiltskin exhaled, calming down a bit, as he continued speaking more calmly, though his voice still had a hint of danger to it.]
Rumpelstiltskin: But, as I was saying, [takes pitcher of water and pours it into glass] I like to look at the goblet as half full. [The witches gasped and whimpered in fear, knowing that he might use it to melt any one of them.] Yelling makes me so parched. Would anyone care for some water? [He began to walk across the table and shove the glass of water in one of the panicked witches' faces.] Wet your whistle? [She shook her head 'no' in fear as he slyly walked over to another panicked witch.] A clear, crisp, delicious glass...of aqua purificada? [She nervously declined as well.] Anybody’s thirsty? Nobody’s thirsty? No? [puts pitcher down] Well, then does anyone care to tell me what it’s going to take to get this ogre?! [narrowed his eyes and pointed to Broomsy Witch] You.
Broomsy Witch: Faster brooms?
Rumpelstiltskin: No!
Hat Witch: [scared] Pointier hats?
Rumpelstiltskin: No! [to another witch] You!
Witch: Maybe we could hire a professional bounty hunter? [He shouted and stomped his feet in frustration before splashing the water onto the witch, melting her like a certain other witch, as she's melting] What a world! What a world!
[Soon, as the steam cleared and there was nothing left of that witch but a soggy pile of her clothes. Then, Rumpelstiltskin pondered at the suggestion.]
Rumpelstiltskin: You know, actually not a bad idea. [points to Baba] Baba! [Baba jumped out of her chair in fear.] I need a bounty hunter. And if music doth soothe the savage beast…(chortles evilly a bit) then I think I might know just the person! [He dipped his finger in the frosting of the cupcake and licked the frosting right off, giving a malicious grin.]
[Back at the resistance camp, a meeting was being held inside a tree, with Shrek and Donkey, who was untied, looking from the outside through some holes in the trees. Fiona has gathered Brogan, Gretched, Cookie, and some other ogres to discuss a battle plan, which was set out on a rock table, with little model figures and everything.]
Princess Fiona: Listen up, everyone. Word has come from Far Far Away. Stiltskin is leading tonight’s ogre hunt himself.
Ogres: He’s never done that before. What? Why?
Donkey: I bet that’s because of us.
Shrek: Shhh!
Brogan: If that cupcake-eating clown finally leaves the safety of his filthy witch nest, he’ll be vulnerable.
Princess Fiona: The plan’s simple. If they follow the usual patrol route, they’ll reach the river by midnight. We’ll be concealed along this road, waiting for his caravan. Once they reach the clearing, I’ll give the signal. And then we attack!
[She raised her actual dagger and used it to slide the ogre models toward the witch models, knocking the latter down and off the table.]
Princess Fiona: And when the smoke clears… [noticed a model of Cookie with some sort of wagon.] Wait, what’s this?
Cookie: That’s my chimichanga stand.
Princess Fiona: No, Cookie. We won’t be needing that.
Cookie: Trust me, Fiona. Y’all gonna be really hungry after this ambush, okay? Go ahead and finish your little speech.
Princess Fiona: All right, as I was saying, when the smoke clears, Rumpelstiltskin is gone and the chimichangas have been eaten. Far Far Away will finally be free.
Brogan: And so will we.
Princess Fiona: Spread the word. We move out as soon as Rumpel leaves the palace.
[The other ogres chattered in agreement, while outside, Shrek and Donkey looked concerned.]
Donkey: Man, this is serious!
Shrek: [slumps back] Tell me about it. How am I ever gonna get her to kiss me before sunrise?
Donkey: Actually, I was talking about the revolution.
Shrek: Revolution? [scoff]
Donkey: Why don't you just tell her what you told me? You know, about how you are her true love and you came from an alternate universe.
Shrek: [sarcastically] Oh, and while I'm at it, why don't I tell her that you're married to a fire breathing dragon, and you have little mutant donkey-dragon babies?
Donkey: I do?!
Shrek: You saw what happened, she's gonna think I'm crazy.
Donkey [not listening] I'm a daddy?!
Shrek: [spots the frog] You know what? If I got Fiona to kiss me once... [blows into a frog's mouth, inflating it like a balloon] Then I can do it again.
Shrek: [enters Fiona's tent] Hello? Fiona?
Puss in Boots: [green eyes are shown in the shadows of a cat condo] You should not be here, señor.
Shrek: Puss? [Puss struggles to get out of his resting place, revealing himself as now overweight with a pink bow on wrapped around the back of his neck] You've gotta be kiddin' me.
[Puss lowers down on the scratching post, slowly, then lands on his back on a pillow. He then struggles to get up, followed by facing Shrek]
Puss in Boots: Feed me, if you dare.
Shrek: Puss, what happened to you?! You got so fa... [as he goes to say "fat", Puss gives him a look] Fancy!
Puss in Boots: Do I know you?
Shrek: Well, where is your hat and your belt? [gasps softly] And your wee little boots?
Puss: Boots, for a cat? [laughs]
Shrek: But you're Puss in Boots.
Puss in Boots: Maybe once. [opens a bottle of milk] But that is a name I have outgrown.
Shrek: [under his breath] That's not the only thing you have outgrown.
Puss in Boots: Hey! I may have let myself go a little since retirement, but hanging up my sword was the best decision of my life! I have all the cream I can drink and all the mice I can chase. [a mouse runs up to his bowl and starts drinking out of it] Eh, I'll get him later. [starts drinking out of the bowl himself]
Shrek: Oh, Puss, what have I done to you? You've gone soft.
Puss in Boots: Well, I do get brushed twice a day.
Shrek: Look, it’s not too late to fix it. All you have to do is help me get a kiss from Fiona...
Princess Fiona: [enters her tent spots at Shrek talking to Puss] What are you doing?!
Shrek: [notices Fiona behind him turns around] Hey!
Princess Fiona: Can I help you with something?
Shrek: Well, I know how stressful mounting a rebellion can be, rallying the troops, planning attacks and all that, so I brought you a little something to ease the tension.
Princess Fiona: A gift basket?
Shrek: You’re welcome. So let’s see what you got. [He then got out each different gift from the basket.] Heart-shaped box of slugs. A skunk-scented candle. [sniff] Mmm.
Princess Fiona: Look, this really isn’t the…
Shrek: What’s this? [holds out a homemade coupon book] Coupons! Let’s see, "Good for one free foot massage." "A mud facial!" Oh, and here’s one. [came to one that had a childish drawing of his face on it.] "Good for one free kiss." Let’s cash it now.
Princess Fiona: Look, I don’t know what this is all about, but I’m trying to run a revolution. So unless you have Rumpelstiltskin’s head in there, I suggest you take your gift basket, get out of my tent and go make yourself useful.
Shrek: Wow. You’re right. I am sorry. I was just trying to be friendly. [holds out hand] No hard feelings? [Fiona decided to shake his hand.] An apologetic hug? [The two hugged.] And a quick kiss goodbye. [Fiona quickly stopped him by stomping his foot then grabbed his arm and placed it behind his back in pain, forcing him to leave.] Wait! Is that mistletoe I see? [Fiona pushed him thrown out of the tent on his back before Donkey came to him with a grin.]
Donkey: Hey, Shrek! Are my babies cute, or do they make people feel uncomfortable?
Princess Fiona: Where’d we find that guy?
Puss in Boots: Could it be true? Have the years of prim and pampery made me soft?
Princess Fiona: Don’t be silly. [then got out a comb and crush.] Now who’s a pretty kitty?
Puss in Boots: [gives cute pose] I am.
Shrek: Donkey! [as Donkey opens his real eyes] I hate to pull you away from your adoring public, but I’m not getting anywhere with Fiona.
Puss in Boots: Come on, Donkey, ¡¡vamonos!!
Donkey: Man, you are a cat-tastrophe!!
Puss in Boots: And you, are ri-donkey-lous!!
[Beat; then both laugh]
Shrek: Stop!
Donkey: Huh? [he and Puss saw Fiona heading up the path to a bridge and holding the lantern, with Shrek following.]
Shrek: Where are you going?!
Princess Fiona: To save my friends!
Shrek: How, by getting yourself killed?!
Princess Fiona: If that is what it takes!
Shrek: Puss, say something!
Princess Fiona: [suspiciously] Puss?!
Puss in Boots: Eh, let me explain.
Princess Fiona: So that's how you knew so much about me.
Shrek: Fiona, wait! [jumping in front of her] Kiss me!
Princess Fiona: What?!
Shrek: It's the only way to save your friends.
Princess Fiona: Get out of my way! [walks past him]
Shrek: You used to believe that a single kiss could solve everything!
[Fiona turns around and reluctantly kisses him. However, when they are done kissing, nothing happens, to Shrek is confusion. Fiona, indifferent, wipes her mouth; doesn't believe this]
Shrek: I don't understand. [frustrated] This doesn't make any sense! True love's kiss was supposed to fix everything!
Princes Fiona: Yeah, well, you know what? That's what they told me too. True love didn't get me out of that tower. I did! I saved myself! [short pauses; trolls gone] Don't you get it?! It's all just a big fairy tale!
Shrek: [pleads] Fiona, don't say that, it does exist!
Princess Fiona: And how would you know?! Did you grow up locked away in a dragon's keep?! [voice cracked] Did you live all alone in a miserable tower?! Did you cry yourself to sleep every night waiting true love that never CAME?!
Shrek: But... but I'm your true love.
Princes Fiona: Then where were you when I needed you?
[Shrek, stunned and full of guilt, can not bring himself to answer. Fiona turns around picked up her lantern and leaves him behind with Donkey and Puss alone on the bridge, to rescue her friends herself. Shrek just stood there, completely heartbroken, knowing now that all his chances of ever getting a kiss from Fiona and saving his own life are gone.]
Donkey: Maybe you kissed her... wrong?
Shrek: [sadly] No. The kiss didn't work... because Fiona doesn't love me.
[Inside the Rumpelstiltskin's castle, all the ogres were yelling as they were now in cages dangling from the ceiling.]
Brogan: Don't despair, fellow ogres! They can put us in cages, but they can't cage our honour!
[Down below, the Piper was flute-speaking frantically to Rumpelstiltskin, explaining the situation, and the villain was furious.]
Rumpelstiltskin: [furiously] Shrek and Fiona are together?! [Piper frantically flute-spoke some more.] Yeah, I've heard enough of your [stomping his feet in rage] toot-a-lee-toot-toot-toots! YOU BLEW IT! [turns on to Wolf] Wolfie! My speech wig. [turns on to Baba] Baba! Ready for my make up. [turns on Piper] And Piper pulled my socks up. [Piper set the setting to socks and played his flute so Rumpelstiltskin's socks could be slithered up his legs tight like magic.] Wee tight.
Magic Mirror: Attention, citizens. Please stay tuned for a message from our tyrannical dictator!
Rumpelstiltskin: Hello, people. It is I, Rumpelstiltskin... shepherd of your dreams. Recently, a certain somebody has jeopardized our joyous lives. And that somebody is the rat-munching ogre called Shrek! That is why I come to you, dear citizens. For whomever brings me this ogre, shall receive the deal of a lifetime. Just think of it! Total and complete happiness. Dazzling, radiant fulfilment! All your greatest wishes. Your wildest dreams. Anything you could ever want! No strings attached! But hurry, this is a limited time offer. So light your torches, sharpen your pitchforks and get your mob on!
Puss in Boots: It seems that we are safe.
Donkey: Yeah, it looks a lot less pitchforky and torchy out there. Let's go.
Shrek: [bitterly] Oh, what's the point? The kiss didn't work. It's over.
Donkey: Look, Shrek, I know things might seem a little bleak right now, but things always work themselves out in the end. You'll see. Well, I'll bet by this time tomorrow-
Shrek: [angrily] Hey, don't you understand?! There is no tomorrow, [voice cracked] there's no day after that, and there's no day after that, DAY AFTER THAT! My life was perfect! And I'm never gonna get it back!
Donkey: Well, if your life was so perfect, then why did you sign it all the way to Rumpelstiltskin in the first place?
Shrek: Because I didn't know what I had until it was gone, all right?! [sighs, deeply remorseful now] I didn't know what I had. [He looked like he was about to cry, but then he felt something and heard tiny shouting. He looked down and saw Gingy hitting and attacking his feet with his lollipop.]
Gingy: Ha! Chah! Surrender now! I'm taking you in! Don't try to fight it, ogre! The reward is mine!
Shrek: [picked the gingerbread man up] Gingy?
Gingy: You unhand me, green devil!
Shrek: What are you doing?
Gingy: Collecting my bounty!
Puss in Boots: Bounty?
Donkey: What are you talking about, cracker?
Gingy: Rumpelstiltskin promised the deal of a lifetime for whoever could bring you in.
Shrek: Deal of a lifetime?
Gingy: Where all your wishes come true.
[Shrek pondered this for a bit.]
Shrek: Wait a minute. [grins] I can still fix this.
Donkey: Now, how you gonna do that?
Shrek: [set Gingy down] You know what? I'm gonna give Rumpelstiltskin exactly what he wants. [turns to Gingy] OK, Gingy, tell me about this... [But to his surprise, there were only crumbs and a gumdrop button on the ground. He looked and saw Puss eating something, and it was apparently Gingy. The cat noticed the ogre looking at him, and gave a sheepish look.]
Puss in Boots: Were you going to eat that?
[Inside the castle, the citizens came with prisoners of theirs, and none of them were Shrek, as the dictator pointed out while pacing and inspecting each one. One citizen even brought in a bag of flour with a scary green face painted on it.]
Rumpelstiltskin: Not Shrek! That is not Shrek! Also not Shrek! [saw Butter Pants and his father with a big green creature they captured.] That's not even an ogre, it is a troll! Nice try. [sees was Wolf wearing a Shrek head over his own, claiming to be captured by the pigs.] And that...
Wolf: [dryly] Roar.
Rumpelstiltskin: ...is just sad. [spotted Pinocchio with his father, dressed in Shrek's clothes and fake ogre ears, with his face painted green and hands tied by a rope that the puppet was holding.] And what is that supposed to be?
Geppetto: I'm just a frightened old man.
Pinocchio: Don't listen to him! These ogres are crafty!
Rumpelstiltskin: That is your father painted green.
Pinocchio: No, it's Shrek! Honest!
[Then his nose grew and hit Rumpelstiltskin in the face, making Rumpelstiltskin shout in pain as he swatted it out of his face.]
Rumpelstiltskin: [to a witch] Take them away! [Witch takes Pinocchio and Geppetto away Rumpelstiltskin went to his table, frustrated] Can no one bring me Shrek?! Where is he? How hard can it be?! [angrily pounded on his table like a two-year-old.] I WANT HIM! I WANT HIM! I WANT HIM!
[Then the door of the throne room slammed open]
Shrek: Stiltskin! [Rumpelstiltskin jumped up and looked back, seeing Shrek wander through the aisle] I hear you're looking for me.
Rumpelstiltskin: All right! Finally! [calls out and looks around] Who turned him in? Who gets the deal of a lifetime?
Shrek: I do.
[He took the 'deal of a lifetime' contract out of Rumpelstiltskin's hand]
Rumpelstiltskin: What?! But--
Shrek: If I'm turning myself in, I get the deal of a lifetime. [He plucked a feather from Fifi and dipped in the magic ink jar] That means you have to give me anything I want. [The scared villain leaped onto the table, stopped him signing it]
Rumpelstiltskin: No, no, no! Only true love's kiss can break your contract! So if you thought you were just gonna [mimicks walking] doot-doot-doot in here and get your life back--
Shrek: I'm not here to get my life back.
Rumpelstiltskin: [with a glare] Then what do you want? [Outside the castle, Donkey and Puss awaited before all ogres of the resistance magically appeared, one by one, an dropped from the sky. Donkey saw Gretched falling towards where Puss was, so he used his teeth to pull the cat out of the way.]
Puss In Boots: The ogres, they’re all free.
Donkey: But where's Shrek?!
[They all went up to the gates, knowing Shrek was still inside.]
Puss In Boots: [Long pause] This is not good.
[Back in the throne room, the villagers have left, and Rumpelstiltskin was leading Shrek, who had his hands shackled, to a dungeon room, with four witches encircling the prisoner and pointing their brooms at him.]
Rumpelstiltskin: I don't know. Not much of a storybook ending. [mockingly] The noble Shrek turns himself in to save a bunch of filthy ogres.
[The witches trying to shackles Shrek with chains]
Shrek: All that matters is that they're free, and Fiona is safe.
Rumpelstiltskin: Awww, I bet Fiona would be really touched to hear that, but, hey, I guess you can tell her yourself. [He and the cackling witches turned to reveal Fiona, shackled as well, struggling to get out]
Shrek: Fiona! [Shrek and Fiona rushed to each other, but the weight of the shackles and chains held them back. They tried breaking free from them to no avail, and Rumpelstiltskin only cackled maniacally as he watched the two ogres struggle to reach each other in failed attempts to his pure wicked amusement] Stiltstkin, we have a deal! You agreed to free all ogres!
Rumpelstiltskin: [uncaring tone] Oh, yeah. But Fiona isn't all ogre, [slyly] is she? [He gave a smug, evil smirk. Shrek's face faltered as he looked over at Fiona worryingly.] By day, one way, by night, another. Blardy, blardy, blar. Ha-ha! [He skipped merrily out of the room in triumph and more triumphantly] Nobody's smart but me! [He and the laughing witches left the room, closing the doors and leaving the two prisoners alone. Shrek gave a solemn sad look]
Princess Fiona: That was a really brave thing you did, Shrek. Thank you.
Shrek: [sullenly] No, you were right. I wasn't there for you, and not just at the dragon's keep, but... everyday since.
Princess Fiona: [smiles softly] Well, you're here now. [Long pause; Shrek grins at Princess Fiona]
Donkey: Let go off me! I have to save Shrek!
Gretched: DON'T BE A FOOL, MULE!
Brogan: She's right. Rumpel's palace is locked up tighter than Old Mother Hubbard's Cupboard.
Cookie: And that cupboard wasn't guarded by a whole bunch of mean, ugly, nasty witches.
Palace Witch #1: Hey! We can hear you!
Brogan: Sorry!
[Then the ogres, Donkey and Puss huddled.]
Puss in Boots: We must get into the palace.
Donkey: Man, Shrek and me just busted out of that place!
Brogan: But how?
Donkey: The same way we're gonna bust in.
[During the main event]
Donkey: ♪ Winter, Spring, Summer or Fall. All you've got to do is call. ♪ [Rumpelstiltskin and the witches hear and spot him on top of the new hanging chandelier ball] ♪ And I'll be there. Yeah, yeah, yeah! ♪
Shrek: [looks up] Donkey?
Donkey: And Puss!
Puss in Boots: [descends down the chandelier ball's rope, now wearing his boots, belt, hat and cape] In Boots!
Princess Fiona: Victory is ours!
[All the ogres shouted and cheered in triumph, while raising their weapons. Donkey then started tapping his hooves with Puss doing a little victory tap dance, until at the end when the top of his boots began to split, to the fat cat's embarrassment. Cookie then carried off the worried and defeated villain in his arm, as he and Brogan gave smirks towards him.]
Brogan: Looks like we're having curly-toed weirdo for breakfast.
[When all was settled, Fiona and Shrek looked to each other.]
Princess Fiona: Hey, we make a pretty good team.
Shrek: You have no idea.
[The two then looked at each other, staying silent for a moment, but then Shrek noticed something serious. His hand was started to give a bright yellow glow, making him gasp. He saw that morning was starting to happen, so that meant he was beginning to fade away. His legs also started glowing as he fell down.]
Princess Fiona: Shrek?
[She held him up. They saw the magic hourglass of Shrek's life was almost out of sand]
Rumpelstiltskin: His day is up! His day is... [Cookie restrains Rumpel]
Princess Fiona: [heartbroken] Shrek.
Shrek: It’s all right. [Donkey, Puss, and the other ogres watch sadly]
Princess Fiona: There has to be something I can do.
Shrek: You've already done everything for me Fiona. You gave me a home and a family.
Princess Fiona: You have kids?
Shrek: We have kids. Fergus, Farkle, and a little girl named Felicia.
Princess Fiona: Felicia. I've always wanted to have a daughter named Felicia.
Shrek: And someday... [The fading ogre then dug in his pocket and pulled out the squeaky toy belonging to their daughter.] you will.
[He handed it to her, and she looked at it sadly, before looking back towards him.]
Shrek: You know what the best part of today was? I got the chance to fall in love with you all over again.
[Tears began to form from Fiona's eyes as she leaned her head towards Shrek's face. The hour glass emptied and the light began to glow brightly all around Shrek's body as Fiona kissed him deeply, and then Shrek began to fade away into nothing but sparkles of golden dust that also began to fade away as Fiona held him. It seemed Shrek was no more. Then the sun rising behind Fiona began to shine brightly, illuminating the whole room as she sat there on her knees with tears running down her face, which was still green, to Puss's notice.]
Puss in Boots: Fiona, the sunrise. You're still an ogre.
Princess Fiona: [sees Puss in Boots is right] True love's form.
Rumpelstiltskin: [anger shocked] Impossible!
Princess Fiona: The kiss worked.
[Suddenly the wind began blasting and brushing by everyone, also knocking Puss's hat off his head. Everyone looked up and saw the magic golden light that brought Shrek here begin to eat away at Rumpelstiltskin's castle like mad. All bricks, shingles and other material of the castle were sucked away in a magical tornado.]
Rumpelstiltskin: What!
[Then, one by one, each witch and ogre began to puff away into puffs of yellow smoke. Cookie and Brogan quickly vanished, dropping Rumpelstiltskin, and he then saw Fifi vanish in a puff of smoke as well.]
Rumpelstiltskin: Fifi!
[Then Donkey and Puss were the next to vanish.]
Princess Fiona: Puss!
[Then Fiona vanished next. The horrified Rumpelstiltskin, the only one remaining, twisted in circles in place while shouting in alarm as his whole world around him was tearing away and disappearing.]
Rumpelstiltskin: No! No, no, no, no, no! I'm not ready! No! Wait!
[Then the floor under him, the only thing remaining, crackled away and he began falling down into an abyss of pure golden light while screaming out loud in horror, before everything went black for him.]
[last lines]
Princess Fiona: Shrek, are you okay?
Shrek: [turned to see Fiona, the way she was before signing his life away. He removed the party hat and went up to hug his wife.] Oh, Fiona. I've never been better.
[Fiona smiled warmly, and the parents then heard their kids playfully roaring.]
Shrek: Happy Birthday, Farkle. Fergus, my little man! And Felicia, sweetheart. I believe this is yours.
Felicia: Thank you, Daddy.
Shrek: [hugs his children] Aww!
Donkey: Hey, Uncle Shrek, how about give my babies an encore!
Puss in Boots: Please, señor, let us have it!
[The others insisted eagerly. However, instead of a roar, Shrek held his nose and blew a toot threw his ears. Then, all three of his babies held their noses and blew smaller toots through their ears. As their friends applauded and Puss waved a little yellow flag, Fiona was astounded.]
Princess Fiona: I didn't know we can do that!
Donkey: That’s my best friend!
Shrek: You know, I always thought I rescued you from the Dragon's Keep.
Princess Fiona: You did.
Shrek: No. It was you that rescued me.
[Fiona beams, before the two share a kiss]

Taglines

[edit]
  • The Final Chapter
  • It is not ogre– till it is ogre
  • There is a new king in town
  • Bake no prisoners (Gingerbread Man tagline)
  • The fairy tale is ogre (Princess Fiona tagline)
  • Waffles in the face of danger (Donkey tagline)
  • Feed me! If you dare! (Puss in Boots tagline)
  • Where my witches at? (Rumpelstiltskin tagline)
  • What the Shrek just happened? (Shrek tagline)

Cast

[edit]

See also

[edit]
[edit]
Wikipedia
Wikipedia
Wikipedia has an article about:
  Feature films     Main      Shrek  (2001) · Shrek 2  (2004) · Shrek the Third  (2007) · Shrek Forever After  (2010) 
  Spin-offs      Puss in Boots  (2011) · Puss in Boots: The Last Wish  (2022) 
  Short films     Shrek in the Swamp Karaoke Dance Party  (2001) · Shrek 4D  (2003) · Thriller Night  (2011) · Puss in Boots: The Three Diablos  (2012)  
  Television specials     Far Far Away Idol  (2004) · Shrek the Halls  (2007) · Scared Shrekless  (2010)
  Video games     Shrek  (2001) · Shrek 2  (2004) · Shrek SuperSlam  (2005) · Shrek the Third  (2007)
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