Shrek the Third

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Shrek the Third (or Shrek III), also known as Shrek 3, is a 2007 film in which, after being reluctantly designated as the heir to the land of Far, Far Away, Shrek hatches a plan to install the rebellious Artie as the new king while Princess Fiona tries to fend off a coup d'état by the jilted Prince Charming.

Directed by Chris Miller. Written by Jeffrey Price and Peter S. Seaman, Chris Miller, and Aron Warner, based on Shrek! by William Steig.
Who's ready for Thirds?taglines


Gingy: Whew!!!! This is worse than love letters!! I hate dinner theater!!
Pinocchio: Me too!!!! [Nose grows]

Donkey: [Referring to his Dronkeys] They grow up so fast.
Shrek: [Annoyed by their intrusion] Not fast enough.

[At the Poison Apple Pub]
Prince Charming: What does a Prince have to do to get a drink around here? [Mabel turns around in front of him] Ah, Mabel, why they call you an ugly stepsister I'll never know. Where's Doris, taking the night off?
Mabel: She's not welcome here and neither are you. [spits into the mug and wipes it with a towel] What do you want, Charming?
Charming: Oh not much, just a chance at redemption... [laughs] and a Fuzzy Navel. [stands up and turns to the villains] And Fuzzy Navels for all my friends!
[Captain Hook angrily rips across the piano keys with his hook, the Singing witch angrily bares her teeth at Charming, the Evil Queen angrily breaks her pool cue stick, and Stromboli angrily breaks his beer mug]
Captain Hook: We're not your friends. [Mabel grabs Prince Charming by his shoulders and pins him on top of the bar; he then places his hook against his neck] And you, don't belong here.
Charming: You are right, oh, I mean, you are absolutely right, but I mean, do any of us?
Cyclops: Do a number on his face!!!!
Charming: No, no, wait, wait, wait, wait! We are more alike than you think. [to the Evil Queen] Wicked Witch! The Seven Dwarfs saved Snow White and then what happened?
Evil Queen: Oh, what's it to you?
Charming: They left you the un-fairest of them all. And now here you are, hustling pool to get your next meal. How does that feel?
Evil Queen: [remorsefully] Pretty unfair.
Charming: [to Stromboli] And you! Your star puppet abandons the show to go and find his father.
Stromboli: I hate that little wooden puppet.
Charming: And Hook...need I say more? [Hook backs off, feeling insecure about his appendage] And you! Frumpy-pigskin.
Rumpelstiltskin: Rumpelstiltskin.
Charming: Where's that first-born you were promised? [Rumpelstiltskin caresses a pacifier tattoo on his forearm; turns to Mabel] Mabel, remember how you couldn't get your little fat foot into that tiny glass slipper? [Mabel sighs depressingly] Cinderella is in Far Far Away right now, eating bonbons, cavorting with every little last fairy-tale creature that has ever done you wrong!! [turns his attention to the villains] Once upon a time, someone decided that we were the losers. But there are two sides to every story. And our side has not been told. So who will join me? Who wants to come out on top for once? Who wants their happily ever after?!
[The villains cheer rowdily and start to have a big brawl in the pub. Charming looks and drinks his Fuzzy Navel]

Puss: [Talking to a female cat] It's out of my hands, señorita. The winds of fate have blown on my destiny, but I will never forget you. You are the love of my life. [another female cat meowing] As are you... [to another female cat] And you... [more cats hissing at each other] And, uh...hi. I don’t know you, but I’d like to. [another cat meows angrily] I gotta go. [leaves]

[as Shrek stands in front of the group of ogre babies naked wearing a graduation cap, all of the ogre babies laugh at him]
Shrek: [screams, stands up; groans] Donkey? Donkey, wake up!
[Donkey and Puss have ogre baby heads, intimidating him, who screamed]
"Donkey": Da-da.
[Shrek woke up screaming, revealing it was a dream; Donkey and Puss in Boots are wide awake]
Donkey: Shrek, are you okay?
Shrek: Oh, I can't believe I'm gonna be a father! How did this happen?
Puss in Boots: Allow me to explain. You see, when a man has certain feelings for a woman, a powerful urge sweeps over him.
Shrek: I know how it happened! I just can't believe it.
Donkey: [to Puss] How did that happen?

Donkey: Worcester-shiree? Now, that sounds fancy!
Shrek : It's "Worcestershire".
Donkey: Like the sauce? Mmm. It's spicy!

Arthur Pendragon: [to Shrek] Please, don't eat me.
Students and Teacher: Eat him! Eat him! Eat him! Eat him! Eat him! Eat him! Eat him! Eat him! Eat him! Eat him! Eat him! Eat him! Eat him! Eat him! Eat him! Eat him! Eat him! Eat him! Eat him! Eat him! Eat him! Eat him! Eat him! Eat him! Eat him! Eat him! Eat him! Eat him! Eat him! Eat him! Eat him! Eat him! Eat him! Eat him! Eat him! Eat him! Eat him! Eat him! Eat him! Eat him! Eat him! Eat him! Eat him! Eat him! Eat him!
Shrek: I'm not here to eat him!
Students and Teacher: [groaning] Aww. Aww.
Shrek: It's time to pack up your toothbrush and jammies. You are the new king of Far Far Away.
Arthur Pendragon: What?!

Captain Hook: [Looming over a young boy threateningly with his hook] Well, well, well! If it isn't Peter Pan!
Boy's Mother: His name's not Peter!
Captain Hook: Shut it, Wendy!

Charming: You! [to Pinocchio] You can't lie. So tell me, puppet. Where is Shrek?
Pinocchio: Uh. Hmm, well, uh-- I don't know where he's not.
Charming: You're telling me you don't know where Shrek is?
Pinocchio: It wouldn't be inaccurate to assume that I couldn't exactly not say that it is or isn't almost partially incorrect.
Charming: So you do know where he is!!
Pinocchio: On the contrary, I'm possibly more or less not definitely rejecting the idea that in no way with any amount of uncertainty that I undeniably...
Charming: Stop it!!!!
Pinocchio: or do not know where he shouldn't probably be, if that indeed wasn't where he isn't. Even if he wasn't at where I knew he was, that'd mean I'd really have to know where he wasn't.

Arthur "Artie" Pendragon: This is lame.
Merlin: [Whacks him] You're lame.

Snow White: I'm sorry, but this isn't working for me!
Sleeping Beauty: [While being carried by Doris] Everything's always about you, isn't it? It's not like your attitude is helping, Snow.
Snow White: Well, maybe it just bothers you that I was voted fairest in the land!
Rapunzel: You mean in that rigged election?
Snow White: Oh, give me a break. [dreamy voice] "Rapunzel, Rapunzel!" [sarcastic voice] "Let down thy golden extensions."
[Rapunzel gets angered by the insult]
Queen Lillian: Ladies, let go of your petty complaints and let's work together.

Doris: I know he's a jerk and everything but I gotta admit that Charming makes me hotter than July.
Princesses: Eww!
Fiona: That's it!

[Rapunzel has betrayed the princesses in order to be with Prince Charming]
Fiona: Charming, let go of her!
Prince Charming: But why would I want to do that?
Rapunzel: [looks at Charming; dreamily] Grrrrrrrrrrr!
Prince Charming: [looks at Rapunzel] Woof!
[They both share a kiss in the princesses' shock]
Fiona: [anonymous] What?
Prince Charming: Say hello to the new queen of Far Far Away!
Cinderella: Yay! [claps]
[Awkward pause]
Fiona: Rapunzel, how could you?
Rapunzel: Jealous much?

Rapunzel: But Pooky, you said you wouldn't hurt them.
Charming: Not here, kitten whiskers. Daddy will discuss it later.

[After Merlin sends Shrek, Donkey, Artie and Puss back to Far, Far Away]
Donkey: [voiceover; groans] I have not been on a trip like that since college.
[Shrek and Artie are surprised]
Shrek: Donkey?
Donkey: [confused] What? Is there something in my teeth? [gasps in shock]
[Donkey looks around himself. He is in Puss's body!]
Donkey: What the-? Oh, no! I have been abracadabra-ed into a Fancy Feasting second-rate sidekick!
[Puss, in Donkey's body, falls on the ground]
Puss: [voiceover; groans] At least you don't look like some kinda bloated roadside piñata! You should think about going on a diet!
Donkey: Yeah, you should think about getting yourself a pair of pants. [covers himself as if being naked] I feel all exposed and nasty!
[Shrek and Artie laugh]
Donkey: Oh, so you two think this is funny?

Shrek: Donkey, we're dealing with amateurs.
Artie: He's a star, people! Hello?! Sorry about this, Shrek.
Shrek: I'm gonna lose it! [continues trying to keep his cool]
Artie: I assume you have everything ready for tonight? You did get the list for the dressing room?
Donkey: Yeah, the breakfast croissants stuffed with seared sashimi tuna. [aggravated] Oh, and please tell me you at least got the saffron corn with jalapeño honey butter. Because our client cannot get into his properly emotional state without his jalapeño honey butter! [screaming]
Shrek: I just lost it.
[Puss turns eyes at Shrek even more aggravated]
Guard: Perhaps we should talk to Nancy in Human Resources.
Puss: Oh, we will have much to say to Nancy, I promise! Exactly!!

Shrek: [confronts Charming in the dressing room] Break a leg. On second thought, let me break it for you.
Charming: Thank goodness. I was afraid you wouldn't get back in time. [presses a button as Shrek grabs him]
Shrek: Where's Fiona?
Charming: Don't worry. She and the others are safe...for now. [grins evilly]
[The guards burst in and holds Artie hostage. Shrek puts him down]
Charming: [Walking up to Artie] Let me guess. Arthur.
Artie: [Facing him] It's "Artie", actually.
Charming: This boy is supposed to be the new King of Far Far Away? [laughs and held the dagger to Artie's throat] How pathetic. Stand still so I won't make a mess.
Shrek: Charming, stop! I'm here now. You got what you wanted. This isn't about him.
Artie: Then who's this about? I'm supposed to be king, right?
Shrek: You weren't really next in line for the throne, I was!
Artie: But you said the king asked for me personally.
Shrek: Not exactly.
Artie: What does that mean?
Shrek: I said whatever I had to say, alright? I wasn't right for the job, I just needed some fool to replace me, and you fit the bill, so just go!
Artie: [hurt and angry] You were playing me the whole time.
Shrek: You catch on real fast, kid. Maybe you're not as big of a loser as I thought.
[Donkey tries to reason with Artie, but Puss stops him]
Artie: You know, for a minute...I actually thought.
Charming: What, that he cared about you? He's an ogre. What did you expect? [Artie breaks free from the guards and looks at Shrek before storming out the dressing room in anger. Shrek feels guilty] You really do have a way with children, Shrek.
[The guards forced Shrek out of the room]

[After Fiona, Lillian, and the princesses have discovered that Donkey and Puss have switched bodies]
Doris: You poor sweet things.
Cinderella: I don't get it.
Snow White: The cat turned into a little horse that smells like feet. What's to get?

Fiona: Where's Shrek?
Donkey: Charming has got him, Princess! And he plans on killing Shrek tonight in front of the whole kingdom!
Fiona: [to the princesses] Alright everyone, we need to find a way out, now.
Snow White: Right. Ladies, assume the position!
[Sleeping Beauty falls asleep, Snow White lies down in her coffin pose, and Cinderella seats herself on the floor gazing dreamily into space]
Fiona: What are you doing?
Sleeping Beauty: [snaps awake] Waiting to be rescued. [falls back asleep]

Donkey: Alright people, Let's do this thing. Go, Team Dynamite!
Pinocchio: But I thought we agreed we'd go by the name Team Super Cool.
Gingy: As I recall, it was Team Awesome!
Wolf: I voted for Team Alpha Wolf Squadron.
Donkey: Alright, alright, alright! From henceforth, we shall be known as Team Alpha Super-Awesome-Cool Dynamite Wolf-Squadron.

Artie: Who really thinks we need to settle things this way? [all the villains raise their hands] You're telling me you just want to be villains your whole lives?
Hook: But we are villains. It's the only thing we know.
Artie: Didn't you ever wish you could be something else?
Evil Tree Steve: Well, it's easy for you to say. You're not some evil enchanted tree.
Charming: You morons. Don't listen to him. Attack them!!
Evil Tree Ed: [covering Charming's mouth] What Steve's trying to say here is that it's hard to come by honest work when the whole world's against you.
Evil Tree Steve: Right. Thanks, Ed.
Artie: Okay, fair enough. You're right. I'm not a talking tree. But you know, a good friend of mine once told me...that just because people treat you like a villain, or an ogre, or just some loser, doesn't mean you are one. The thing that matters most is what you think of yourself. If there's something you really want or someone you really want to be, then the only person standing in your you.
Rumpelstiltskin: Me?
Guard: Get him, lads!
Artie: No, no! What I mean is, each of you, is standing in your own way.
Villains: Oh.
Headless Horseman: I've always wanted to play the flute.
Evil Queen: I did like to open up a spa in France!
Hook: I grow daffodils, and they're beautiful.

Shrek: You need to work on your aim.
Charming: This was supposed to be my Happily Ever After!!
Shrek: Well, I guess you need to keep looking. [looks at Fiona lovingly, then back at Charming] 'Cause I'm not giving up mine!
Charming: Mommy?!

Donkey: [normal voice] I'm me again!
Puss: [normal voice] And I'm not you!
Merlin: Oops. [realizes that Puss and Donkey's tails were swapped, then walks away] Ah, never mind.

Shrek: [looking at Artie talking with princesses] See, what did I tell you? The kid's gonna make a great king.
Fiona: For what it's worth, you would have too.
Shrek: [rubs Fiona's stomach] I have something much more important in mind.


See Also[edit]


  • Who's ready for Thirds?
  • He's in for the royal treatment
  • The Wait is Ogre!
  • Cookies that talk. Trees that walk. Donkeys on deck. It must be... Shrek!
  • A family movie you will want to see ogre, and ogre, and ogre again
  • The best Shrek yet!
  • For the funniest happily ever after.

External Links[edit]

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