Shrek the Halls

Shrek the Halls is a Christmas special that premiered on November 28 of 2007.

Shrek

• I have to make a Christmas, and I have no idea what it is or how to do it.
• [turns to Gingy] Excuse you for what?
• Oh, Puss, not you too.
• So, despite the fact that you drive me crazy at times,-- Yes, Donkey, I'm looking at you. --it would mean a lot to me if you'd all come back and join us.
• Smelly Christmas to all, and to all a gross night!

Donkey

• Merry Christmas, Shrek!
• How are you gonna have Christmas without your family?
• My mom used to always say: "Christmas ain't Christmas till somebody cries". Usually, that someone's me [sniffles]
• [laughs] They got you good, Shrek! [snow dumps on him] Hey! That wasn't even funny. Who did that?

Fiona

• This is gonna be the best Christmas ever. And we're going to do it together, so come on. [pulls Shrek's arm]
• They're our friends, Shrek. They all mean well.
• I have to go. I need to apologize to our friends. [walks away with the babies in her arms]

Puss in Boots

• Okay, I will assume the position. [gets himself tortured by the ogre babies]
• In my homeland, we tell a very different tale of the Santa Nicholas. He's not made of waffles.
• I have shamed myself. [jumps off the chair]
• Boss, there's no right way to do Christmas, you just do it.

Gingy

• [talking to an angel-shaped cookie] Did you hurt yourself when you fell out of heaven?
• Santa?! AAAAAAHH!!! [slams the door]

Others

• Pinocchio: C'mon, everybody, let's DANCE!
• Big Bad Wolf: Apology accepted. Let's go eat.
• 3 Little Pigs: Ja, with schnitzel.

Dialogue

Gingy: Excuse me. Excuse me!

Shrek: Excuse you for what?

Gingy: I don't feel very good. [pukes a chocolate chip] Ah, I feel better now. [runs away]

Donkey: Ooh, a chocolate chip! [eats off the floor] Mm!

Variations of the Night Before Christmas

Donkey

'Twas the night before Christmas, and I spent all the day finishin' up on my Christmas display.

Now missin' all this would be nothing but tragic, so just follow me and I'll show you the magic.

Now, out in the yard, in the glorious clutter, is a spectacle there that'll make your heart flutter.

With 20ft cheese balls, and a big eggnog fountain, and yodelin' elves on an ambrosia mountain.

A stage where acrobats jump, leap, and prance, and honor the day through interpretive dance. [Acrobats: Ha!]

But just when you think the display is complete, the Christmas parade comes right down the street.

With holiday floats, all in silver and blue. With sugarplum fairies and a reindeer or 2.

There's a baton-twirlin' snowman all happy and perky, magical peacocks, and a dancin' roast turkey. ["Everybody Dance Now" plays]

And right when you think that you've just seen it all, comes a huge waffle Santa that's 50ft tall! [Waffle Santa: Ho ho ho!]

With syrup and butter, the sight just amazes. And it's flanked by a choir all singin' his praises.

Puss in Boots

This Santa was suave. He was nothing like that. [See Donkey's variation] The Santa I know was a hot Latin cat.

He was dressed all in fur from his head to his paws, and he stood there heroic. A real Santa...Claws. [Santa Claws scratches an S on the mantle]

Red are his boots, and so is his cape! [3 Blind Mice: Olé!] His sword is a cane that tastes like crab cake. [Santa Claws licks the candy cane]

He wears a fine belt and a leather cravat. And there's a cute fuzzy thing which hangs down from his hat. [eyes widen, starts hitting the bell on his hat]

Gingy

'Twas the night before Christmas, and the prettiest sights were my sweetheart beside me and the bright Christmas lights.

Shrek

'Twas the night before Christmas. Not a swamp rat did creep as mother and babe played kazoo in their sleep. [Fiona and the babies all fart]

Now the sight of the house would make any ogre droop, for it was sickeningly sweet as unicorn poop.

Yet who was arriving to help this lost cause? The foul, the vile, and handsome Ogre Claus. [Ogre Claus: Hey, how's it going?]

He looked all around and scratched at his beard and said... [Ogre Claus munches on flies] And said... [Ogre Claus: This place is worse than I thought. Uh, feared!]

So he grabbed up his belly, and screwed up his face, and let loose a [Ogre Claus burps and the burp explodes in the house] that transformed the place!

With the gleam in his eye, his work here was done. And then to the babies he gave 1-by-1...

...a festering bottle of stinky swamp juice. And for mom a kiss and a good Christmas goose. [Ogre Claus: 425 degrees, 20 minutes per pound] [Fiona giggles]

Then digging a finger inside of his nose, and giving a nod, up the chimney he rose.

And I heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight: "Smelly Christmas to all, and to all a gross night!".