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Popular (TV series)

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Popular (1999–2001) was a show on The WB, created by Ryan Murphy and Gina Matthews, about two adolescent girls that are rivals and opposites on the popular fence at their high school, but are united when their single parents meet and get married.

Season 1

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Popular, Round One (1) [1.01]

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Mary Cherry: [at cheerleader tryouts] Um, y'all do I have to do the splits? I'm a Christian.
Nicole: There's something about Mary Cherry - mysterious transfer from Dallas. Talents include tumbling. So sweet I become diabetic in her presence. Her family is loaded. We're talking black gold, Texas T.
Mary Cherry: [mouths silently] Call me.
Nicole: Hair needs work but I like her.
Sam: So how was your summer Carm?
Carmen: Oh galactically brutal. My Mom sent me to fat camp again, so basically I spent six weeks starving and singing Kumbayah.
Nicole: What I mean is, we live in the age of Gwyneth and that is the standard by which all things are judged.

Mo' Menace, Mo' Problems (2) [1.02]

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Nicole: Hi, Brooke? I think you should give her a five-fingered salute across her smug, little face.
Lily: Nicole, you are such a total bitch.
Nicole: Oh yeah? What's up G? Bring it on!
Mary Cherry: Nic, I just love that silver Gucci-esque outfit I saw you buying at the mall. You wearing that to the party?
Nicole: Mmm-hmm...
Mary Cherry: With strappy sandals?
Nicole: Mmm-hmm...
Mary Cherry: [intensely] And a smokey eye? And a full pink lip? And a blowout so straight it'll make your back bleed? '[Nicole turns, Mary Cherry smiles] ...very Gwyneth.
Nicole: OK, whatever. Listen up, mouth breather! If you and your "Ross: Dress for Less"-friends do not stop sending me horrible hate mail, I will return-to-sender times ten. And to update, just 'cause we're friends, choppers, Debbie Gibson isn't coming back and neither is acid-washed.
Sam: Cancel my subscription, Brooke. I'm over your issues.

Under Siege [1.03]

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Sam: Mom, Principal Hall will probably be calling tomorrow. My Journalism Faculty Adviser got framed for sex with a student...The student being me! [Jane spits out her wine] Don't worry, I'm innocent.
Nicole: Look at how obvious they are. Just staring at us...
Poppy: Coveting our lives...
Mary Cherry: ...our men, our plastic surgery...What? It's no big deal. I just had a rib removed.
Humanities Teacher: I know I am intimidating because I dress fantastically, but you have to listen to that little voice inside your head that says 'Hey, Teacher Lady is acting a little whacked. Is she on crack?'

Windstruck [1.04]

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[Mary Cherry screams]
Miss Glass: What the hell's going on back there?
Emory Dick: Mary Cherry's burner just flared. Her eyebrows are gone! Awesome!
Mary Cherry: OH MY GOD! Am I blind? Why is everything so white?
Miss Glass: Because you're staring at my labcoat. You're fine Cherry, just slightly singed.
Male Newscaster: A wind advisory is in effect until the end of this week. The havoc wreaking Santa Ana winds are traditionally accompanied by a general feeling of chaos, confusion and unexpected romantic entanglements. Those in the way of the winds are advised to protect themselves by wearing windbreakers and chastity belts.

Slumber Party Massacre [1.05]

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Brooke: No. Nicole, I don't wanna be the person Sam McPherson thinks I am. I ... I'm not that person, okay?
Carmen: When we were little, we used to invite everyone in our class.
Sam: When we were little, we used to eat Play-Doh.
Nicole: We've managed to clear our schedules.
Sam: Wow, did Satan find somebody else to guard the gates of Hades that night?
Nicole: Why isn't Mary Cherry in?
Poppy: She said that fast-food joints breed E.Coli poisoning. She's way too much of a lady to get the lady diarrheas.
Mary Cherry: [as Gwyneth Paltrow] I'd like to thank the Academy, my hair colorist, and of course Brad Pitt, Ben Affleck and all my other beaus, whose fame and fortune I've now eclipsed.

Truth or Consequences [1.06]

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Brooke: Don't you ever get tired of hating me?
Sam: Sometimes, but then I remind myself that you're a liar and that you and your father are ruining my life and that pretty much gets me back on track.
Nicole: Is this the part where I'm supposed to apologize because I'm a teenager and under stress and nobody understands me? I'm not gonna do that Principal Hall. Let me fill you in on my world view. My Dad cheated on my Mom and vice versa. I grew up with it. Recently, I read that over 70% of the population cheated on their taxes. I came of age in a decade ruled by a president who told the nation that he cheated in several forms. He was never punished, his popularity ratings improved. So am I sorry I cheated? Hell no, I'm not sorry. I'm the norm.
Mary Cherry: Y'all, I so admire our Miss Brooke. Even though I'm a little hurt that she won't sit with us 'cause she says we talk like crows on a telephone pole.
Miss Glass: So, let's hit the books, my Bio-lings, because next to creating macaroni art, my favorite hobby is holding people back a grade. [chuckles]
Nicole: Oh, Hey Spam.
Sam: Hey Satan.

Queen B. [1.07]

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Nicole: [to crowd] Good evening, I'm Nicole Julian, this year's Junior Court Homecoming Queen chairwoman. But enough about me, what do you think of my outfit?
Sam: [to Brooke] Why do you need so many products? With all the lotions and potions you use, it's a wonder your face doesn't just slide off down the drain.
Mary Cherry: Mamma, I made it. I got nominated fer Homecomin' Queen!
Cherry Cherry: Well hot-digity baby girl, it's about time you win at somethin'. Ya know, Mamma here's a former Miss Texas, Miss America runner-up. You think you got what it takes to carry on the family tradition? Ya gotta huge enough head to balance that tiara on!
Brooke: This lamp is going in over my dead body.
Sam: Well, fine. Glad to help you out. [to movers] Hey, Boys. Back it up slow. Brooke, there's, gonna lay under the back tires.
Freddy Gong: Why should we vote for you?
Cherry Cherry: Well, you probably shouldn't cause my daughter has treated you like freaks, which you are...
Mary Cherry: So to make amends, here's $100 apiece.

Tonight's the Night [1.08]

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Jane: I'm not going to be one of those parents that lives in denial.
Sam: Please be one of those parents.
Lily: All I need is permission from a health administrator and I can pass out condoms. Can I have your blessing?
Nurse Glass: Sorry, troublemaker. I'm sucking the Mercury right out of your rule-breaking thermometer. See, I've taken the temperature of your little pro-sex plan and I'm throwing down a big ol' bucket of ice chips.
Lily: Wow Nicole. I'm impressed that you recognized these as condoms while totally sober.
[Harrison hands the hotel clerk a drivers license]
Hotel Clerk: Fake?
[Harrison nods]
Hotel Clerk: Virgin?
[Harrison nods]
Hotel Clerk: Hooker?
[Harrison shakes 'No']
Hotel Clerk: Can you pay for the room?
[Harrison hands him the money]
Hotel Clerk: [gives him the keys] There you go.
Sam: Mom, we have Cinemax. We don't need to discuss sex.
Brooke: Sam's right. For once. With books, the internet, Lil' Kim videos, we're really educated.

Wild Wild Mess [1.09]

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Miss Ross: We need to respect the Janitors' protest until their concerns are addressed.
Mary Cherry: They don't want to be addressed. I offered to buy that fat, bald one a new push-broom. He barked at me.
Nicole: Wow, this is harsh!
Brooke: What?! You think I'm pregnant?
Nicole: No. I think I have the same social life as Urkel. Do you realize I haven't had a date in 17 days?
Sugar Daddy: Damn, ya'll even got Principal Hall to back Gwyneth.
Mary Cherry: Loosely.
Nicole: She thought she was signing a hall pass. [laughs]
Nicole: When did you speak to him?
Mary Cherry: Why didn't you come get us?
Nicole: Where was he calling from?
Mary Cherry: What was he buying her?
Sugar Daddy: Ten Minutes ago. Shoes. Gucci... and I lost him at the escalator.
Nicole: Did she call yet?
Sugar Daddy: Not yet, but my brother Felix says it's impotent.
Felix: Imminent!

Fall on Your Knees [1.10]

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Emory: Miss Glass, there's a cat hair in my fruit cake, awesome!
Nicole: Look, I've tried getting help, OK? But I'm always smarter than the therapist they send me to.
Nicole: Sure, I'll put Carm on the squad -- when hell freezes over and/or Melissa Joan Hart gets nominated for an Oscar.

Ex, Lies and Videotape [1.11]

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[After Carmen hits April Tuna with a car during her driving test]
Godfrey: I think you just killed a girl. That's gonna cost you some points.
Brooke: I cannot work this way.
Sam: Fine, quit! Go back to cheerleading.
Brooke: Y'know what? Don't even get your hopes up. I would fire you before I quit. Now Harrison-
Sam: You can't fire me Brooke. 'Cos you're fired.
Brooke: You can't fire me, I quit! But y'know- ... Shh!... One more thing Sam, You're fired!
Sam: What? [both storm off in opposite directions]
Sam: [on camera, explaining why they erased the tape about Josh] ...we'll be able to sleep at night.
Brooke: Well, at least Sam will be able to. She snores - the doorframe literally rattles.
Sam: Brooke talks in her sleep-the most exotic fantasies...
Brooke: Moving on...
Sam: I'm Sam McPherson...
Brooke: and I'm Brooke McQueen, reporting for EnterTEENment Today.
Mary Cherry: Oh, don't worry honey. I took that same exact test, and my results said 'Mary Cherry, you are destined to become a serial killer'!

The Trial of Emory Dick [1.12]

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Mary Cherry: Emory and I are lab partners in Biology. We've played doctor together on more than one occasion. [giggles]

Hope in a Jar [1.13]

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Mary Cherry: I never should have snuck that sip of water last night. I'm such a pig.
Nicole: I gave her a blow out that would have straightened the pacific coast highway and now look!
Mary Cherry: What's scary is that April Tuna is the black hole of beauty.
Nicole: No! She's the ultimate make-over challenge. Listen up, chicken of the sea, our Glamazon icon, our very lifestyle is at risk and I don't lose! Got it? Get ready to strike a pose, or else.
Nicole: Nicole Julian and Stone Cold are like fashion and anorexia – they go together.
April Tuna: Hello Harrison John. Though you are not the dream boy I have bondage fantasies about... that would be the hard bodied Stone Cold... You would be an adequate setting for the fiery ruby that is April Tuna. Please pick me up Friday at 8 o'clock with expensive hothouse corsage in hand.
Sam: You know what April? You're too late, I snagged him first.
Harrison: Hey, sorry April.
April Tuna: Yeah, well, I'm not sure if you're Alpha male for me anyway, you scrawny Beta Harrison John.
Harrison: Ouch, rejected by April Tuna…
Brooke: Mature? You? Please. You're still wear training bras.
Sam: Well, if that isn't the pot calling the kettle flat.

Caged! [1.14]

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Brooke: Does anyone have any nosh? Fruit, frozen yogurt, tuna packed in water?
Carmen: [to Sam] Who carries tuna packed in water?
Lily: Wait, I have something. It's a Cert covered in lint!
Mary Cherry: Give it to me! I'm the thinnest, I need the nourishment!
Mary Cherry: Shut your dirty whore mouth, player player!

Booty Camp [1.15]

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Carmen: Oh my god! Is that Sugar Daddy's butt?! Mary Cherry, you are from planet perv!

All About Adam [1.16]

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Mary Cherry: You know Brooke, it pains my heart to disagree with you, darling, but as a Christian, I'm just not comfortable with a man's hairy hands touching my spongy parts, propelling my buttocks heavenwards.

Lord of the Files [1.17]

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Ch-Ch-Changes [1.18]

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Cherry Cherry: Look at you. You ain't got a buzz cut and you're wearing a pesto sweater from Banana Republic. Sorry, I was looking for a lesbian! Have a nice day.
Police officer: I'm gonna have to give you a ticket.
Cherry Cherry: And I'm gonna have to give you the finger.
Police officer: That's it. I'm booking you! Spread em!
Cherry Cherry: Only after a wedding proposal and a credit check!

Hard on the Outside, Soft in the Middle [1.19]

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Sam: Wait, you are admitting to me that the only reason Brooke got a higher grade on her natural selection report is because her paper was packaged better?
Miss Glass: [whispering] Are you taping me?
Sam: No.
Miss Glass: In that case, yes I admit it.
Miss Glass: While we're on the topic of hair miss Mc-rat's-nest, may I tell you that the messy braids and the drab coffee color you've been sporting on your noggin this year, not only detract from your looks but might force me to knock your current B grade to a C!
Sam: That is just wrong.
Miss Glass: No, that's natural selection.
Brooke: [as a brunette] You guys, come on, we can win without financial bribery.
Nicole: Hon, update for ya - as Brunettes our only power is money.
Nicole: Maybe, maybe we're a little different brown, and possibly Barbra-possessed, but we're still us. Put us in light or dark meat boxes at KFC and the crowds will nibble us to the bone on an equal scale. Now, we're gonna go out into those halls, that we own, and be worshipped per-usual as the goddesses we are.
Miss Glass: Brilliant work McPherson.
Sam: [as a blonde] Thank you.
Miss Glass: Enjoyed it.
Sam': Miss Glass, may I point something out to you Sir? Even though my presentation is stunning, these pages are blank. I didn't have time to do the report because I was too busy blowing my hair straight.
Miss Glass: Oh, missed that. Enjoy the A.

We Are Family [1.20]

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Cherry Cherry: Are you Erik Estrada - macho Latin star of CHiPs - or one of those wussy white gals from Sex and the City?
Cherry Cherry: Good news, the wedding is back on!
Mary Cherry: But mama, how could this be?
Cherry Cherry: Don't be stupid, stupid. I was just bluffing until Erik Estrada signed the pre-nup. ...What the hell happened to you? You look like a Make-a-Wish kid.
Cherry Cherry: You know I've always wanted to beat Elizabeth Taylor's marriage record. Plus, you act like I'm running off with Tom Wopat or something.

What Makes Sammy Run [1.21]

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Sugar Daddy: I'm a horny teenage boy and I have needs!

Two Weddings and a Funeral (1) [1.22]

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Erik Estrada: [about to marry Cherry Cherry] I haven't felt this jittery since I was on the People's Choice Awards, back in '77.
Miss Glass: After a nuclear apocalypse, I'll be the only thing left standing, other then cockroaches and Cher!


Season 2

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Timber! [2.01]

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Nicole: In one hour, I'll have a new right knee cap. And once again, I'll be perfect. Thanks, Mary Cherry.
Mary: As you know, Nic, I'll do anything to be popular. Anything! Hey, um, is that anesthetic Darvon drip taking effect, hon? Just count backwards from the number of your last sexual partner.
Nicole: Nine hundred nine, 908... [loses consciousness]
Mary: Yeah. I'll do anything to be popular... except vandalize my stunning beauty. Now, who's knee cap can I buy thus reeling in status yet remaining scar-free?

Baby, Don't Do It [2.02]

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Nicole: Brookie, for the first time the emptiness I feel inside has nothing to do with bulemia.
Mary: Nic, I can't possibly waste my energy worrying about the welfare of someone else!

Citizen Shame [2.03]

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Nicole: Come on Krupps, you know you want it.
[Nicole jumps on Principal Krupps]
Principal Calvin Krupps: Ms. Julian! Dismount me!

The Sweetest Taboo [2.04]

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Joe Loves Mary Cherry [2.05]

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Mary: You know Joe, I wanna thank you.
Harrison: I told you Mary Cherry, rubbing that whole jar of Creme De La Mer into your back, I was thrilled to do it.
Nicole: But, what about me? This poll says, since I've been cut from the Galamazons, my popularity numbers are lower than venereal warts.
Mary: Look, according to this poll, 89% of this school things I'm a callow, greedy, retarded person.

Style and Substance Abuse [2.06]

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George: How can I vote for someone I'm allergic to?
April: Shut up, all of you! Don't you see the end is near? Get with it! We slave over homework, we get in trouble with our parents, and for what? I know I, for one, would like to escape... to another planet. If elected student council planet, I aim not to fight alien visitation, but welcome it. I propose to convert Kennedy High's football field into a UFO welcoming station. They're coming.

Ur-ine Trouble [2.07]

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Misery Loathes Company [2.08]

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Cast

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