Sex and the City
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Sex and the City is an American romantic comedy television serues, which originally aired on HBO from June 6, 1998 to February 22, 2004. The series depicts the lives and loves of four single women living in trendy Manhattan.
- Carrie: Welcome to the age of un-innocence. No one has breakfast at Tiffany's and no one has affairs to remember.
- Big: Oh, I get it... You've never been in love.
- Carrie: Wait... have you ever been in love?
- Big: Abso-fucking-lutely!
- Carrie: Modelizers are obsessed not with women but with models, who in most cities are safely confined to billboards and magazines, but in Manhattan actually run wild on the streets, turning the city into a virtual model country safari where men can pet the creatures in their natural habitat.
- Charlotte: I just know no matter how good I feel about myself, if I see Christy Turlington, I just want to give up!
- Miranda: Well, I just want to tie her down and force-feed her lard, but that's the difference between you and me.
- Big: After a while, you just want to be with the one that makes you laugh.
- Carrie: Charlotte treated marriage like a sorority she was desperately hoping to pledge.
- Carrie: Everywhere I looked, people were standing in two's. It was like Noah's upper west side rent-controlled ark.
- Carrie: Men in their forties are like the New York Times Sunday crossword puzzle: tricky, complicated, and you're never really sure you got the right answer.
- Samantha: All I'm saying, that this is—this is a physical expression that the body was, well, it was designed to experience. And P.S., it's fabulous.
- Charlotte: What are you talking about?! I went to Smith!
- Samantha: Look, I'm just saying... the right guy, and the right lubricant...
- [The girls start laughing when the car hits a hole]
- Charlotte: What was that?!
- All: A preview?!
- Carrie: We had such a fantastic connection. Then he leaves me money. I don't understand. What exactly about me screams "whore"?
- Miranda: Besides the thousand dollars on the end table?
- Samantha: Money is power. Sex is power. Therefore, getting money for sex is simply an exchange of power.
- Miranda: Don't listen to the dimestore Camille Paglia.
- Carrie: Are we dating? I thought we were just sleeping together.
- Random woman: Monogamy is fabulous. It gives you a deep and profound connection with another human being, and you don't have to shave your legs as much.
- Carrie: I've done the merry go round, I've been through the revolving door, and I feel like I've met somebody I can stand still with for a minute and... don't you wanna stand still with me?
- Big: You dragged me out to a park at three in the morning to ask me if I wanna stand still with you?
- Carrie: ...Yes.
- Charlotte: Jack says that I have a fire inside me.
- Carrie: You tell him they make a cream for that.
- Ken: It's over! I told my wife [about us]!
- Samantha: Who is this?
- Miranda: Wow! A guy who doesn't want to get married! Film at eleven!
- Samantha [about the Turtle] : Once we get the breath under control, I'm going to take him shopping for a whole new wardrobe. He's a cute little fixer-upper!
- Carrie: Sweetheart, he's a man, not a brownstone.
- Miranda: I just realized, maybe it's maturity or the wisdom that comes with age, but the witch in "Hansel and Gretel"—she's very misunderstood. I mean, the woman builds her dream house and these brats come along and start eating it.
- Carrie [buying a pregnancy test] : Which kind do I get?
- Miranda: Here. This one's on sale: half off.
- Carrie: I just spent $395 on a pair of open-toed Gucci's last week. This is not the place to be frugal.
- Carrie: What if I am ?
- Miranda: If you am , you am.
- Woman on the street: They say the average 33-year-old woman has sex 3.5 times a week. I'd like to know who that woman is.
- Miranda [to a heckling construction worker] : You got what I want? You got what I need?? What I WANT...is to GET LAID. What I NEED...is to GET LAID. I NEED to GET LAID!
- Carrie: There comes a point in every relationship when romance gives way to reality.
- Carrie [seeing Mr. Big leaving church with his mother] : There he was, wearing Armani on a Sunday: Mr. Big. I'll admit it was a bit of a shock. Up until that moment I thought he only believed in the Yankees.
- Charlotte: So, which church does his mother go to?
- Carrie: Park Avenue Presbyterian.
- Charlotte: Good church! It's one of the best on the east side!
- Carrie: What, are you rating churches? Is there a Zagat guide for that?
- Miranda: Four stars. Great bread; disappointing wine selection.
- Carrie: The idea that Samantha could possibly get married before her shook Charlotte's beliefs to the core.
- Carrie: After he left I cried for a week. And then I realized that I do have faith. Faith in myself.
- Charlotte: It takes half the total time you went out with someone to get over them.
- Carrie: I always like a good math solution to any love problem.
- Miranda: How did it happen that four such smart women have nothing to talk about but boyfriends? It's like seventh grade with bank accounts.
- Susan Sharon: It's 100% Italian cashmere and light as a feather.
- Carrie: God, I love it! It's a cashmere-acle!
- Samantha: That can be a turn-on.
- Miranda: Sure, but now he wants me to reciprocate and I can't. I never could.
- Carrie: Why not?
- Miranda: Because sex is not a time to chat. In fact, it's one of the few instances in my overly articulated, exceedingly verbal life where it is perfectly appropriate -- if not preferable -- to shut up. And now suddenly I have to worry about being stumped for conversation? -- no thank you.
- Charlotte: Just keep talking about his big cock.
- Samantha: Correction -- his big, beautiful cock.
- Carrie: We're using the C-word now?
- Miranda: I can't use adjectives
- Miranda: I'm sorry, if a man is over thirty and single, there's something wrong with him. It's Darwinian. They're being weeded out or propagating the species.
- Carrie: Okay, well, what about us?
- Miranda: We're just choosy.
- Miranda [looks at watch]: I have to go feed my cat.
- Carrie [voiceover]: Miranda had invoked our code phrase, honed over years of bad parties, awful dates and phone calls that wouldn't end. Unfortunately, I wasn't ready to accept defeat. [out loud] I thought you already fed your cat.
- Miranda: I have to feed it again.
- Manhattan Guy: Cat people are freaks.
- Carrie: When did being alone become the modern-day equivalent of being a leper? Will Manhattan restaurants soon be divided up into sections -- smoking / non-smoking, single / non-single?
- Samantha: If I had a son, I'd teach him all about sex
- Carrie: If you had a son, we'd call Social Services!
- Charlotte: Everyone needs a man. That's why I rent. If you own and he still rents, then the power structure is all off. It's emasculating. Men don't want a woman who's too self-sufficient.
- Samantha: I'm sorry, did someone just order a Victorian straight up?
- Big: I never really thought about it.
- Carrie: Oh come on. Everybody wonders what happens after you die.
- Big: I'm too busy wondering who's dinging my car in the garage.
- Samantha: Nobody told me it was BYO man!
- Carrie: Well, what did you expect? It's a lesbian art show.
- Samantha: I know! But don't straight guys usually follow them around to see what they're going to do?
- Carrie: Well, I think maybe there's a cheating curve. That someone's definition of what constitutes cheating is in direct proportion to how much they themselves want to cheat.
- Miranda: That's moral relativism!
- Carrie: I prefer to think of it as quantum cheating.
- Charlotte: I mean that little voice inside of me that says: "Mate for Iife."
- Samantha: You can't listen to every fucking little voice that runs through your head. It'll drive you nuts.
- Charlotte: I just don't understand. How could you forget someone you slept with?
- Carrie: Toto, I don't think we're in single digits anymore.
- Carrie: Are you sure you can leave the Guest Book unattended?
- Miranda: It's a bullshit job, Carrie. People know what to do with the guestbook.
- Carrie: I'm at Big's.
- Miranda: You're at Big's? You and I are having dinner tonight!
- Carrie: Well, he got this veal...
- Miranda: You blew me off for a piece of politically incorrect meat??
- Carrie: You've never seen an uncircumcised one?
- Charlotte: I'm from Connecticut!
- Miranda: If 85% [of men] aren't circumcised, that means I've only slept with 15% of the population, tops.
- Carrie: Wow, you're practically a virgin!
- Carrie: Now I've laid down a gauntlet. He either has to say "I love you" back or I guess I'm going to have to break up with him.
- Charlotte: Well, how long are you going to give him?
- Carrie: Well, I didn't put an expiration date on the sentiment, but I figure it's got the shelf life of a dairy product. It's going to start to curdle in about a week.
- Steve: What's wrong with corduroy?
- Miranda: I don't have enough time to tell you what's wrong with corduroy.
- Samantha: I never leave underwear at a guy's place because I never see it again.
- Charlotte: What happens to it?
- Samantha: Nothing; I just never go back.
- Carrie: Doesn't that get a little expensive, disposing of lingerie every time you sleep with a guy?
- Samantha: That's why I stopped wearing underwear on dates.
- Miranda: And that's why I'm never borrowing a dress from you again.
- Charlotte: I am so confused. Is he gay or is he straight?
- Carrie: Well, it's not that simple anymore. The real question is, is he a straight gay man or is he a gay straight man?
- Carrie [voiceover] : The gay straight man was a new strain of heterosexual male spawned in Manhattan as the result of overexposure to fashion, exotic cuisine, musical theater and antique furniture.
- Charlotte [about a waiter dressed in a bondage outfit] : How does he wait on tables dressed like that? It's humiliating.
- Carrie: Well, the summer I worked at Howard Johnson's I had to wear an orange hat.
- Samantha [to Charlotte] : I wonder what your fetish is.
- Stanford: Charlotte has a thing for Crabtree & Evelyn potpourri.
- Carrie: After we made love I knew it was over. Did I ever really love Big or was I addicted to the pain? The exquisite pain of wanting someone so unattainable?
- Big: Come to bed.
- Carrie: I wanted to go to him, but I felt like I was tied to the chair. Some part of me was holding me back, knew I'd reached my limit. And just like that, I untied myself from Mr. Big, I was free, but there was nothing exquisite about it.
- Samantha: The only place you can control a man is in bed. If we perpetually gave men blow jobs we could run the world!
- Carrie: And at least our hands would be free to greet dignitaries and stuff.
- Carrie: [about therapists] First they want you to come there two times a week, then three times a week, and eventually you're starting every sentence with 'my therapist says...'
- Miranda: My therapist says that's a very common fear.
- Samantha: Carrie, you can't date your fuck buddy.
- Carrie: Say it a little louder, I don't think the old lady in the last row heard you.
- Samantha: You're going to take the only person in your life that's there purely for sex, no strings attached, and turn him into a human being? Why?
- Miranda: You double-booked?
- Carrie: How do you conceive pulling this one off?
- Charlotte: Early dinner with bachelor number one, late supper with bachelor number two.
- Samantha: My god, you're turning into a man!
- Carrie [voiceover] : Apparently Charlotte had done more than just break a pattern. She had actually changed genders.
- Charlotte: I just don't know how I'm going to eat two dinners in a row.
- Carrie [voiceover] : And just like that, she was a woman again.
- Duncan: I'm just one of those weird male aberrations who prefers to be married. I like stability, I like routine. I like knowing there's people waiting for me at home. I guess that makes me sound pretty dull.
- Miranda: Are you kidding? You're the heterosexual Holy Grail.
- Samantha: I fucked a guy once because his family had a pool. He was pretty much a nerd, but... I'd go over there and get all cocoa-buttered up. His mom loved me. She was always serving me Kool-Aid and chips.
- Carrie: Kool-Aid?
- Samantha: Yeah! Kool-Aid! I was 13. And honey, you should have seen my tan.
- Charlotte: [to Samantha, after discovering she had slept with Charlotte's brother Wesley] Is your vagina in the New York City guidebooks? Because it should be, it's the hottest spot in town! It's always open!
- Miranda: I'm trying to change my bed karma. I figure if I can make my bed a place I really want to be, others will feel the same.
- Carrie: Aah, the Field of Dreams.
- Miranda: Exactly. If you build it, he will come.
- Carrie: [about her date who wouldn't kiss her] I couldn't figure it out. I knew he wanted me because during my lean-in-and-kiss-me-good-night move, I accidentally on purpose felt his pop-up-and-say-hello.
- Charlotte: It's a really cute three bedroom cottage and they're giving us a fantastic deal for the month of August.
- Carrie: Yeah, of course it's a good deal. It's haunted with cheating boyfriends and sexual rejection.
- Samantha: We could always burn sage.
- Carrie: And then I realized something, twenty-something girls are just fabulous, until you see one with the man who broke your heart.
- Carrie: There is no way that the love that I had with Big is the same thing that he has with Natasha.
- Miranda: "Natasha"? When did you stop calling her "the idiot stick figure with no soul"?
- Carrie: Then I had a thought: maybe I didn't break Big. Maybe the problem was he couldn't break me. Maybe some women aren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they need to run free, until they find someone just as wild to run with.
Season 3 (2000)
Where There's Smoke
- Miranda: What is it about fireman, even when they aren't that cute, they're cute... ya know?!
- Samantha: It's that whole hero complex
- Carrie: And then there's the weight restriction
- Charlotte: It's because women just really want to be rescued.
- Charlotte [drunk] : I'm nice. I'm pretty, and smart! I'm a catch!
- Carrie: I figured we made a good match. I was adept at fashion; he was adept at politics. And really, what's the difference? They're both about recycling shop-worn ideas and making them seem fresh and inspiring.
- Stanford: I can only stay a few minutes. I got tickets to the Vagina Monologues.
- Carrie: Why?
- Stanford: Just because I don't eat at the restaurant doesn't mean I can't hear the specials.
Attack of the Five Foot Ten Woman
- Carrie: There are very few things this New Yorker loves as much as Sunday brunch. You can sleep until noon and still get eggs anywhere in the city, alcohol is often included with the meal, and Sunday is the one day a week you get the single woman's sports pages: the New York Times wedding section.
- Carrie: I've talked to her twice. Once I was in a cowboy hat and once I was in my bra. I'm like frickin' Annie Get Your Clothes On.
Boy, Girl, Boy, Girl
- Samantha: I once dated a guy who liked to wear my underwear but I've never gone the other way.
- Stanford: See, when you're gay, everyone can wear everyone's underwear.
- Charlotte: That's hygienic.
- Carrie [about her date] : He's not that young.
- Miranda: He's twenty-six. His generation has a totally different letter than ours.
No Ifs, Ands Or Butts
- Charlotte: ...you shouldn't be talking like that at all, Samantha, it's rude and politically incorrect.
- Carrie: Sweetie, a reminder: Samantha is rude and politically incorrect.
- Miranda: She's an equal opportunity offender.
- Samantha: [after her date's sister harassed her because she's white] Talk about politically incorrect! She can't diss me because I'm white!
- Carrie: Please tell me you didn't say diss...
- Charlotte: Maybe you should stop seeing him, Samantha. Race is a very big issue.
- Samantha: No, there is no reason to bring race into this. Chivon is a sweet man. We have great sex--and he happens to have the biggest--
- Charlotte: [interrupts loudly] --black cock! We know! He has a big black cock!
- Samantha: I was about to say "biggest heart"...now that you're so interested, yes. He does have a big black cock. [smiles contently]
Are We Sluts?
- Charlotte: Do you think I'm a whore?
- Samantha: Oh please, if you're a whore, what does that make me?
- [All the girls are silent]
- Carrie: Wow! It's like a Danielle Steele novel in here!
- Aidan: From a writer, I'm pretty sure that's an insult.
- Miranda: Steve is completely predictable but that's one of the things I love about him. He's just so comfortable and safe.
- Carrie: Are you dating a man or a minivan?
- Samantha: Your relationship is my greatest fear.
- Charlotte: Allow me to get right to the point, guys. After careful consideration, I have decided that I am getting married this year.
The Big Time
- Charlotte: Do you have another?
- Carrie: Ladies, I am not Tampax central. Put on list: buy tampons.
- Charlotte: Well, I have them at home but they won't fit in my Kate Spade purse.
- Miranda: Wow — Kate must have a tiny vagina.
- Miranda: I do want [a baby] eventually and my clock is running out... I mean, I've only got like a million viable eggs left.
- Carrie: Three hundred of which we just killed with those martinis at lunch.
Easy Come, Easy Go
- Samantha: Well, let's just say it: you won.
- Carrie: Was there a contest?
- Samantha: Oh please! There's always a contest with an ex. It's called "who will die miserable."
- Charlotte: I proposed to myself!
- Carrie: What?
- Charlotte: Yes. I suggested he have a tomato salad, then I suggested we get married.
- Carrie: Wait. What exactly did he say?
- Charlotte: Alrighty!
- Carrie: Alrighty? He said alrighty? Now I'm thinking the upsetting thing isn't that you proposed, it's that you proposed to a guy that says "alrighty."
- Charlotte: Oh, Carrie, stop!
- Carrie: Alrighty.
All or Nothing
- Samantha: Don't beat yourself up. Aidan hasn't said "I love you" yet. Until he does, you're a free agent.
- Carrie: What is that, The Rules according to Samantha?
- Samantha: See? I'm more old fashioned than you think.
- Miranda [reviewing Charlotte's prenuptial agreement] : Listen, this is just their opening offer. It's totally standard to go back in and negotiate.
- Charlotte: Negotiate? I can't even buy stuff on sale!
Running With Scissors
- Miranda [looking at a bridal magazine] : Ooh! Cute purse!
- Charlotte: No purses! There's no time for purses! This is gown-specific!
- Miranda: What's your theme again? A Nazi wedding?
- Samantha: What if I have it?
- Carrie: You don't have it.
- Samantha: Sometimes it takes me a really long time to get over a cold.
- Carrie: That's not AIDS, it's central air conditioning.
Don't Ask, Don't Tell
- Miranda [talking about a man wearing a kilt]: I wonder what they wear underneath those?
- Samantha: I'll find out!
- Charlotte [After the wedding] I finally get to sleep with Trey.
- Carrie: Excuse me?
- Miranda: You haven't slept with him yet?
- Samantha: Honey, before you buy the car you take it for a test drive!
- Carrie: It's hard to find people who will love you no matter what. I was lucky enough to find three of them.
Escape From New York
- Charlotte: So how are you?
- Carrie: I'm good. How are you?
- Charlotte: Great.
- Carrie: I told Aidan about the affair and he broke up with me.
- Charlotte: Trey and I never had sex on our honeymoon.
- Carrie: You win. So. Should we get more coffee or should we get two guns and kill ourselves?
- Samantha: I've got something to make you feel better. [hands Carrie and Miranda packages]
- Carrie: Oh! Dildos before 10 am! I'm all perked up!
Sex and Another City
- Miranda: Maybe it's time that I stop being so angry.
- Carrie: Yeah, but what would you do with all your free time?
- Miranda: [to Samantha, who's offered to take Charlotte to a Playboy Mansion party] Why would that cheer her up? Does she look like a 22-year-old frat boy?
Hot Child in the City
- Samantha: Are you in pain? I'm in pain just looking at you.
- Miranda: I'm a 34-year-old woman with braces and I'm on a liquid diet. Pain doesn't begin to cover it.
- Psychiatrist: One client rather whimsically dubbed his anus "the chocolate starfish."
- Trey: Are you quite sure you went to Yale?
- Miranda: They're starting to die on us.
- Charlotte: Oh my god.
- Samantha: Well, at least you weren't stood up.
- Miranda: 35 and they're dying! We should just give up now.
- Carrie: Well, on the bright side this could explain why they don't call back.
- Charlotte: How did he...
- Miranda: Heart attack. At the gym.
- Carrie: See? This is why I don't work out.
- Charlotte: We've been trying, you know, to...
- Samantha: Fuck?
- Charlotte: Whatever. And it's just not...
- Samantha: Getting big and hard?
- Carrie: What is this, dirty Mad Libs?
What Goes Around Comes Around
- Carrie: I came here today because I needed to say how sorry I am. I am deeply sorry for what I did to you. It was wrong and I'm sorry.
- Natasha: Are you through?
- Carrie: Yes. Thank you for listening.
- Natasha: Wait.. I'm sorry too.
- Carrie: You are?
- Natasha:Yes, I'm sorry about it all. I' m sorry he moved to Paris and fell in love with me. I'm sorry that we ever got married. I'm sorry he cheated on me with you and I'm sorry that I pretended to ignore it for as long as I did. I'm sorry I found you in my apartment, fell down the stairs and broke my tooth. I'm very sorry that after much painful dental surgery this tooth is still a different colour than this tooth. Finally I'm sorry that you felt the need to come down here. Now, not only have you ruined my marriage, you 've ruined my lunch.
- Carrie: The universe may not always play fair, but at least it's got a hell of a sense of humor.
- Samantha: [At a BBQ] Who wants a wiener?
- Transexual: Girl, I'm trying to get rid of one!
- Carrie:[Narrating] Later that night, I got to thinking about men, and women and relationships. Or more to the point, how women feel men disappoint them in relationships. Then a radical, almost earth-shattering thought popped into my head. What if everything isn't the man's fault? After a certain age, and a certain number of relationships; if it still isn't working and the ex's seem to be moving on and we don't, perhaps the problem isn't the last boyfriend, or the one before him, or even the one before him! Could it be, that the problem isn't them, but horror of horrors - is it us?
Season 4 (2001–2002)
The Agony and the 'Ex'-tacy
- Woman at party: Oh, what a beautiful wedding ring! Where's your husband?
- Charlotte: Oh, um, he's not here. We're actually taking some time apart. We're separated—not legally separated, nothing legal, oh, God, no! We're just taking some time to figure things out. We got married really fast—love at first sight, didn't think it through. So, now we're talking and trying to figure out what he—actually, we, he and I—really want. We love each other so much, but that doesn't always mean a marriage is working, does it? No, it does not. We had some problems, in the bedroom. But it was more about the fact that we got married so fast. So, now we're just talking and trying to figure things out—just talking, nothing physical. I think it's better if we just talk. So, we are talking until we figure it all out. So, no, he's not here.
- Woman: Oh, okay. I have to... [to friend] Don't talk to her.
- Charlotte: Samantha, your face is glowing. Did you get a facial or something?
- Samantha: I masturbated all afternoon.
- Carrie: All right, then.
- Miranda: Seriously? All afternoon?
- Samantha: Well, two, two and a half hours.
- Miranda: Who's got that kind of time? I like to get in and get out.
- Samantha: Well, I enjoy a quickie every now and then too, but when it's good like today, I go with it. I masturbated to my priest.
- Charlotte: Your priest?
- Samantha: Friar Fuck.
- Carrie: Okay, I think we might have to get Charlotte a crash helmet.
- Charlotte: You have a priest?!
- Carrie: No, no, no, no. She wants him, but she can't have him. It's all very Thorn Birds.
- Samantha: In my fantasy he tears the food I'm carrying for the homeless out of my arms, rips open my dress, lays me down in the street and enters me.
- Miranda: What do you do for the next two hours and 20 minutes?
- Charlotte: Stop! You're talking about a priest!
- Samantha: It's a fantasy! I can masturbate to whomever I like. It's imagination. It's fun and perfectly healthy.
The Real Me
- Charlotte: [talking about her vagina] I don't want to look. I think it's ugly.
- Miranda: Well, maybe that's why it's depressed!
- Carrie: [Carrie is fallen on the runway and she gets up] When real people fall down in life, they get right back up and keep on walking.
- Samantha: Oh, who cares what you are! Just enjoy it.
- Charlotte: No, I need to know where we're going.
- Carrie: Yes, we'd like to know where you're going as well, since evidently you'll be having sex there.
- Carrie: I just left "silent Y" in the bathroom. Oh and P.S., apparently the eighties are back.
What's Sex Got to do With It?
- Miranda: [mocking Samantha's announcement that she is now a lesbian] Oh, I forgot to tell you - I'm a fire hydrant!
- Charlotte: TREY! I'm tired of being married to your penis. I'm a person! And this is supposed to be a relationship! And I am DONE walking on eggshells. Ooooooo, don't talk about moving in, in front of the penis cause it might go soft. And, and the penis likes this and the penis doesn't like that and THE PENIS WANTS TO BE MEASURED!
- Charlotte: Your mother decorated this entire apartment, didn't she.
- Trey: Of course! Mother does all our houses.
- Charlotte: I should have known. The plaid, and the mallards...
- Trey: You don't like them?
- Charlotte: No! It's like we live in the Museum of Natural Ugliness!
- Maria: You call this a relationship?
- Samantha: Well, it's tedious and the sex is dwindling, so from what I've heard, YES!
Baby, Talk is Cheap
- Charlotte: I promise I won't become one of those mothers who can only talk about diaper genies.
- Carrie: Good.
- Samantha: [after Charlotte walks away] What the hell is a diaper genie?
- Carrie: I don't know... someone you hire to change a kid's diaper?
- Carrie: How did this happen? How did they get the message that the ass is now on the menu?
- Miranda: I bet there's one loud-mouthed guy who found some woman who loved it and told everyone 'women LOVE this!'
- Carrie: Who is this guy?
- Miranda: Who's the woman who loved it?
- Samantha: Don't knock it 'till you've tried it!
- Carrie: Bingo!
Time and Punishment
- Samantha: Fuck men. We have to run to Helga the Hot Waxer every other week, but them? How would they like it if we told them to shape their hedge, trim their trunk?
- Carrie: Plant their bulbs? I'm sorry, we are talking about gardening, aren't we?
- Carrie: I got to thinking about relationships and partial lobotomies: two seemingly different ideas that might just be perfect together—like chocolate and peanut butter.
My Motherboard, My Self
- Samantha: I've lost my orgasm.
- Carrie: In the cab?
- Charlotte: What do you mean, 'lost'?
- Samantha: I just spent the last two hours fucking with no finale.
- Carrie: It happens. Sometimes you just can't get there.
- Samantha: I can always get there.
- Charlotte: Every time you have sex?
- Carrie: She's exaggerating. Please say you're exaggerating.
- Samantha: Well, I'll admit I have had to polish myself off once or twice, but yes! When I RSVP to a party, I make it my business to come.
- Charlotte: Those flowers were supposed to say "We're so sorry, we love you," not "You're dead, let's disco"!
Sex and the Country
- Trey: She's expecting us. If we miss the orchid show she'll be devastated.
- Charlotte: Then I guess we'll just have to have sex at your mother's.
- Trey: People having sex in Connecticut? There's a first time for everything.
- Carrie: The only way to get anything to eat in the country is to make it yourself...I'm in no mood for Bisquick!
Belles of the Balls
- Miranda: Men — wait, let me rephrase that — some men...
- Carrie: Good move, counselor. That will look much better on the court transcripts of this dinner.
- Steve: [on getting a replacement ball that's still in clinical trials] He says it's perfectly safe.
- Miranda: That's what they said about the Ford Pinto. Think about it Steve, you want a Pinto near your penis?
- Charlotte: We are having Trey´s sperm tested
- Miranda: Is it not doing well in school?
Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda
- Carrie: You're pregnant? Really?
- Miranda: No, I just thought it would be a fun thing to say. Fuck!
- [before Miranda's abortion appointment]
- Miranda: How long before I feel back to normal?
- Carrie: You're going to have to ask them that.
- Miranda: How long for you?
- Carrie: [crosses fingers] Any day now.
Just Say Yes
- Charlotte: For something called a fling, it looks like a lot of work.
- Bunny: That's what I used to tell Trey about you!
- Miranda: I don't know why they call it morning sickness, because it lasts all fucking day long. Unless it's M-O-U-R-N, as in "mourning the loss of your single life."
The Good Fight
- Miranda: I don't know... is it okay to fuck one guy when you're pregnant with another guy's baby?
- Carrie: If one more person asks me that today!
- Carrie: I used to think those people who sat alone at Starbucks writing on their laptops were pretentious posers. Now I know: They are people who have recently moved in with someone.
All That Glitters
- Samantha [answering the phone] : Well, it's about fucking time! Get over here and do me!
- Carrie: Is that your standard greeting now?
- Charlotte: Aah! It's gay porn!!
- Miranda: What was your first clue?
- Charlotte: You said we were watching an independent film! I brought biscotti!
Change of a Dress
- Carrie: Ooh! I forgot about the washer and dryer! I've been dreaming about that my whole New York life!
- Miranda: It's amazing. In a courtroom, reasonable doubt can get you off for murder. In an engagement, it makes you feel like a bad person.
Ring A Ding Ding
- Miranda: [reading the card Richard wrote Samantha] "Style for Style. Best, Richard."
- Carrie: Best. Yikes.
- Miranda: "Best" is the worst.
- Samantha: "Best" is like signing "Not Love."
- Miranda: I'm telling you: the fat ass, the farting .. it's ridiculous. I am UN-fuckable. And I have never been so horny in my entire life. ... That's why you're supposed to be married when you're pregnant, so somebody is obligated to have sex with you.
A 'Vogue' Idea
- Miranda: But who would I invite [to my baby shower] besides you guys?
- Samantha: All the bitches who made you go to theirs!
- Carrie: You think it's as simple as my dad walked out therefore I'll always be screwed up about men?
- Miranda: My father came home at seven on the dot every night and I still have no clue.
I Heart NY
- Samantha: If you want out of this, just say it.
- Richard: I don't want to have sex once and I want out?
- Samantha: What about yesterday?
- Richard: We were at the opera!
- Samantha: I was bored!
- Carrie: Maybe our mistakes are what make our fate. Without them, what would shape our lives? Perhaps if we never veered off course, we wouldn't fall in love, or have babies, or be who we are. After all, seasons change. So do cities. People come into your life and people go. But it's comforting to know the ones you love are always in your heart. And if you're very lucky, a plane ride away.
- Carrie [to Samantha] : This past week I've seen Miranda's boobs and Charlotte's boob. Why don't you show me your boobs too and the circle is full?
- [Samantha flashes her boobs]
- Carrie: I was kidding!
- Anthony: When's the last time you had sex?
- [Charlotte pauses to think]
- Anthony: If you had to think about it it's been too long.
- Charlotte: Well, when was the last time you—
- Anthony: 10:30 today at the gym!
- Samantha: My friends don't believe you.
- Richard: Am I dating your friends?
- Samantha: With your track record I wouldn't put it past you.
- Carrie: So you're a pessimist, right?
- Miranda: Have we met?
- Miranda: Why do we get stuck with old maid and spinster and men get to be bachelors and playboys?
- Miranda: I am so excited! I have been dreaming of being alone with these for months.
- Carrie: I love that The New Yorker is your porn.
- Courtney [showing Carrie her book cover] : Let me talk you through it. Blurred background, aah, fast paced city. And you, naked with nothing but your ideas.
- Carrie: I get it. But, see, no matter how fast paced the city, I always manage to get my clothes on before I leave the apartment.
- Charlotte: What kind of diet book are you looking for?
- Miranda: I don't know. Something with a title like How to Lose That Baby Fat by Sitting On Your Ass.
- Charlotte: He should've mentioned her earlier.
- Samantha: But not too early. I hate it when men do that. "I have a girlfriend." Calm down, I just asked if that seat was taken!
- Miranda: I didn't tell Walker I had a baby.
- Charlotte: How could you not mention it?
- Miranda: It didn't come up! If Walker had asked me directly, "have you given birth recently," I would've said... first of all, define "recently."
- Carrie: In New York, they say, you're always looking for a job, a boyfriend or an apartment. So, let's say you have two out of three and they're fabulous. Why do we let the thing we don't have affect how we feel about all the things we do have? Why does one minus a plus one feel like it adds up to zero?
- Miranda: No, he's not sick. He's not hungry, he's not teething, he just wants to scream. I'm doing everything I can but I can't please him. If he was 35 this is when we would break up.
- Carrie: Damn! Why is that girl still bothering me?
- Samantha: Honey, you have to let it go. If I worried what every bitch in New York was saying about me, I'd never leave the house.
- Miranda: It's times like this I wish women could go to male prostitutes.
- Samantha: Women do.
- Carrie: No, only in bad screenplays and first novels.
- Samantha: Rumor has it a group of guys not resembling the elephant man just got on and they're having a bachelor party in the bar car. Get dressed!
- Harry: Charlotte, I have to marry a Jew.
- Charlotte: She can marry a gay guy and you can't marry an Episcopalian?
- Carrie Bradshaw: He doesn't need her money, he was one of the original investors in "A Chorus Line."
- Miranda Hobbes: Just when I thought it couldn't get any gayer than "Mr. Broadway has to tinkle."
Season 6 (2003–2004)
To Market, To Market
- Miranda: I don´t invest anymore, it´s too volatile
- Carrie: Exactly! I like my money right where I can see it... hanging in my closet!
- Miranda: Twenty dollars for a hamburger. Oh, that's reasonable.
- Samantha: Pathetic! When I moved to this neighborhood, the only thing that cost twenty dollars was a hand job from a tranny.
- Harry Goldenblatt: [talking about his mother's insistence that he marry a Jewish woman] Keeping tradition alive is very important to her. She lost family in the Holocaust.
- Charlotte York: [makes a face]
- Harry Goldenblatt: What?
- Charlotte York: Well, now I can't say anything because you've brought up... the Holocaust.
- Samantha: No smoking in bars? What's next, no fucking in bars?
- Miranda: Well, first there would have to be a no-fucking section.
- Carrie: Meanwhile, I was finally confident I could heat up my sex life, because I was a sex columnist, I was resourceful, and I was drunkitty drunk drunk.
- Samantha: Did you finally bugger Berger?
- Carrie: How long have you been waiting to say that?
- Samantha: It just came to me.
- Carrie: Yes, I finally buggered Berger.
- Charlotte: [clapping] Yay!
- Miranda: [to Charlotte] You realize you're now applauding intercourse.
The Perfect Present
- Samantha: Tell me why we're going to this again?
- Carrie: She's an old friend going through a breakup. We're being supportive.
- Samantha: On a Friday night?
- Charlotte: She tried to kill herself!
- Miranda: It was six Advil!
- Charlotte: On an empty stomach!
- Charlotte: Doesn't that waiter look familiar?
- Samantha: I fucked him.
- Carrie: [sarcastically] Oh! That guy!
- Carrie: Turns out, there is no polite way to get out of phone sex!
- Samantha: Your parents named you Jerry Jerrod? No wonder you drank.
- Jerry: Right?
- Charlotte: Oh, good morning Mrs. Collier. I'm a Jew now. How are you?
- Berger: He's just not that into you.
Lights, Camera, Relationship
- [Berger is shocked by the price of a Prada shirt]
- Prada Sales Guy: But you will wear it forever!
- Berger: Yeah, I'd have to! Does it also somehow open into a small studio apartment?
- Carrie: It's a check from our publishers. They sold my book in Paris. It's an advance from France!
- Anthony: Nice day to get laid.
Hop, Skip, and a Week
- Smith [looking at his Absolute Hunk billboard] : Fuck me!
- Samantha: Well, that's the first thing every woman in town will be saying after she sees it.
- Smith: It's huge!
- Samantha: And that's the second.
- Big: How are things with that guy, Hot Dog?
- Carrie: Berger.
The Post-It Always Sticks Twice
- [Miranda can fit into her "skinny jeans."]
- Charlotte: How'd you do it?
- Miranda: Well, I got pregnant, became a single mother, and stopped having any time to eat.
- Samantha: Oh, that's a diet I won't be trying.
- Billy: All I'm saying is that there's no good way to break up with someone.
- Carrie: Well, it's funny you should mention that Billy, because, actually, there is. You can have the guts and the courtesy to tell a woman, to her face, that you no longer want to see her. Call me crazy but, I think that, you can make a point of ending your relationship in a manner that does not include an e-mail, a doorman, or a missing persons report. I think you could all get over your fear of looking like the bad guy and actually have the uncomfortable break-up conversation Because, here's what; Avoiding that is what makes you the bad guy. And just so you know, Alan -
- Andrew: Andrew.
- Carrie: Uh huh. Most women aren't angry, irrational psychos. We just want an ending to a relationship that... That is thoughtful and decent and honors what we had together. So my point, Billy, is this; There is a good way to break-up with someone, And it doesn't include a post-it!
- Carrie: I tried the trapeze yesterday for that piece that I'm writing.
- Charlotte: I could never! I have the most terrible fear of heights.
- Carrie: Well, I do not. You've seen my shoes.
- Charlotte [wearing her wedding dress] : Is it okay?
- Anthony: Okay? You're Audrey Hepburn... owitz!
A Woman's Right to Shoes
- Samantha: I'm so sick of these people with their children. I'm telling you, they're everywhere! Sitting next to me in first class, eating at the next table at John Schu—
- [A child runs by]
- Samantha: Look at that. This place is for double cappuccinos, NOT double strollers.
- [Glances at Miranda]
- Samantha: I'm sorry.
- Miranda: Hey, no need to apologize. I wouldn't bring Brady here. Mommy needs two hands to eat her eight-dollar cake!
- Charlotte: You're not going to defend children?
- Miranda: No, I don't like any children but my own.
- Carrie: Think about it. If you are single, after graduation there isn't one occasion where people celebrate you. ... Hallmark doesn't make a "congratulations, you didn't marry the wrong guy" card. And where's the flatware for going on vacation alone?
- Charlotte: You're marrying him!
- Carrie: Will you stop? He doesn't even live in New York, he lives in Denver.
- Charlotte: People move! It would be so romantic.
- Carrie: Or tragic. Seriously. If I had the guy in high school, what have I been doing for the last twenty years?
- Charlotte: Did I ever tell you I was a cheerleader?
- Miranda: No, because you knew I would mock you endlessly.
The Domino Effect
- Charlotte: Big is in town?
- Carrie: Yeah, he's here for a little heart thing.
- Miranda: What, is he on the wait list to get one?
- Samantha: He did something to me that was so perverse! Okay, I'm just going to say it. He tried to hold my hand.
- Carrie: You mean to tell me that Smith is a hand-holder? And to think he once served us food.
- [A performance artist is starving herself and refusing to speak while on public display]'
- Aleksandr: You don't think it's significant?
- Carrie: Oh please! There are depressed women all over New York doing the exact same thing as her and not calling it art. I mean, if you put a phone up on that platform, it's just a typical Friday night waiting for some guy to call.
- Carrie: I was specifically told there would be no clowns. There's nothing scarier than a clown.
Let There be Light
- Charlotte: I could see it going somewhere.
- Carrie: Oh please, listen, half the time I can't even understand him. We have nothing in common, he's in and out of Europe...
- Charlotte: That could be good!
- Samantha: Honey, you're not listening. She only wants him to be in and out of her.
- Carrie: Yes, but in a much less obvious-sounding way.
- Charlotte [testing fragrances] : Maybe cucumber basil?
- Samantha: Why would you want to smell like a salad?
The Ick Factor
- Miranda: I said no white, no ivory, no nothing that says virgin. I have a child. The jig is up.
- Miranda: I don't even care about the wedding. I just want to be with Steve.
- Charlotte: [crying] Oh, Miranda!
- Miranda: OK, this is exactly what I don't want. No tears.
- Carrie: [crying] Oh my God.
- Samantha: [crying] I can't believe it.
- Miranda: That's it! You're all freaking me out. [Gets up to leave] Samantha, I expected more from you.
- Miranda: What I don't understand is, if they got it all, why do you need chemo?
- Samantha: Because he's an asshole!
- Carrie: Evidently there could be something microscopic.
- Samantha: Like his dick!
- Carrie: Excuse me, do you have cancer or Tourette's?
- Charlotte York: [on the phone with Miranda] Brady saw us having sex!
- Miranda: And?
- Charlotte York: He was looking at me, during -!
- Miranda: Charlotte, he doesn't know what he's looking at. He doesn't know where his nose is.
- Charlotte York: [yelling] Harry! Brady can't be anywhere near this conversation!
- Harry Goldenblatt: I think it's too late, he just said, "Sex is dirty."
- Charlotte York: That's not funny!
Out of the Frying Pan
- Aleksandr: I love your house. It's so you.
- Carrie: Small and artless?
- Aleksandr: No, warm and lovely.
- Miranda: Why do I think living in Manhattan is so fantastic?
- Carrie: Because it is.
The Cold War
- Miranda: I had to walk all the way from the subway in these heels. My feet are killing me.
- Steve: Why didn't you just carry them and wear sneakers like everyone else?
- Miranda: Stop. You can take me out of Manhattan but you can't take me out of my shoes.
- Miranda: I don't talk to Steve about my work.
- Carrie: And he doesn't mind?
- Miranda: I think he prefers it that way.
- Carrie: But you guys share everything else.
- Miranda: Because we're in Brooklyn. There's no one else to talk to!
- Charlotte: I didn't know Lexi had so many friends.
- Carrie: Well, she wasn't always so tragic. Remember the 80's? She was the it girl.
- Samantha: I thought I was the it girl.
- Miranda: Well, it's your word against a dead girl's, so—you win!
- [Carrie and Miranda are fighting because Miranda does not want Carrie to move to Paris with Petrovsky]
- Carrie: Just say it! You don't like him!
- Miranda: Fine! I don't like him!
- Carrie: Then don't you go to Paris with him. [walks away]
An American Girl in Paris (Part Une)
- Mr. Big: You're moving to Paris with a Russkie?
- Carrie: You do this every time! Every time! What do you have, some kind of radar? 'Carrie might be happy, it's time to sweep in and shit all over it!'
- Big: [to Miranda, Charlotte, and Samantha] You're the loves of her life and a guy's just lucky to come in fourth.
An American Girl in Paris (Part Deux)
- Carrie: I'm someone who is looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient,consuming, can't-live-without-each-other love. And I don't think that love is here in this expensive suite in this lovely hotel in Paris.
- Carrie: Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous.
- Sarah Jessica Parker – Carrie Bradshaw
- Kristin Davis – Charlotte York
- Cynthia Nixon – Miranda Hobbes
- Kim Cattrall – Samantha Jones
- Chris Noth – Mr. Big
- John Corbett – Aidan Shaw
- David Eigenberg – Steve Brady
- Evan Handler – Harry Goldenblatt
- Kyle MacLachlan – Trey McDougal
- James Remar – Richard Wright
- Jason Lewis – Smith Jerrod