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RV (film)

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RV is a 2006 comedy film starring the late Robin Williams. It was released by Columbia Pictures on April 28 of 2006.

On a family vacation, no one can hear you scream.

Bob Munro

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  • [about Travis] Whenever a big white man picks up a banjo, my cheeks tighten.
  • [angrily] We watch TV in four separate rooms and we IM each other when dinner's ready.
  • We have to hang together and stay strong.
  • Sewage tank is overflowing.
  • [to Carl] It's gonna be a regular Field of Dreams moment for us, buddy.
  • Todd, I quit.
  • You're just determined to have a bad time, aren't you? [Cassie: We all are, Dad.] Not me. I embrace every challenge.

Others

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  • Jamie: Who is that maniac?
  • Cassie: [about the Gornickes] What do they like about us? We're not even that appealing!
  • Carl: DAD!!! THE TOILET'S BACKED UP!
  • Travis: Here's where you made your critical mistake: you listened to anything Howie and Joe Joe said. Nice boys, but they're a couple pliers short of a tool chest.
  • Mary Jo: [about the Munros] Whoa. They are early risers.
  • Earl: [about Bob] He-He was covered in turd.
  • Moon: [about Carl] My hero.
  • Billy: Mr. Munro, I was just telling Earl and Moon about that neat laptop you were usin'.
  • Todd Mallory: Alright, no more details. Just email me the new proposal. [hangs up]
  • Howie: Oh, dude, that is nasty.

Dialogue

[edit]
Bob: [walks in] Welcome aboard, everybody. Before we embark, I think we should give this beauty a name. Suggestions?
Cassie: The "Big Turd".
Carl: The "Big Rolling Turd"?
Bob: In that spirit, we set forth. [sits down]
Mary Jo: Do you want to hear about the time Jesus saved us from a tornado?
Travis: Oh, it's a great story.
Bob: You know, I'd love to, but I was in the little boys room taking care of business when Carl interrupted me, but Jamie'd love to hear it. [walks away]
Mary Jo: Ah. Well, it seems just like yesterday.
Earl: So, do you have a boyfriend?
Cassie: Yeah. Actually, I'm engaged.
Earl: Unlikely.
Cassie, age 5: Daddy?
Bob: Yeah, baby?
Cassie, age 5: I'm never going to get married.
Bob: Why not? It's not as bad as it looks.
Cassie, age 5: Because I always want to live here with you.
Bob: Well, you know. One day, you're going to grow up, meet a wonderful guy, and you're going to get married. But you and I will always be best friends. [kisses Cassie] Good night, Cassie. [turns lamp off]
[scene shifts to present day]
Cassie: Dad, could you be any more of a dork?
Bob: Cassie, do you know where this girl lives, or do you just think you know?
Cassie: Oh, I know where she lives, I just know one way to get there, and you refuse to go that way.
Bob: Because it's a stupid way.
Cassie: Yes, if you consider actually getting there stupid.
Jamie: Why don't you use the navigation?
Bob: Because our daughter, Sacajawea back there, doesn't know the address or the name of the street. She just knows it as "the one next to the one with the fountain".
Carl: Dad, Cassie just gave you the finger. [Cassie elbows Carl to shut him up]
[raccoons are in the RV oven; the family runs out]
Jamie: Did you take out the roasts from last night?!
Bob: I guess not.
Jamie: Well, what's the plan?
Cassie: Let's give him Carl! Maybe he'll eat him and leave.
Carl: [angrily] Let's give him you! Maybe he's on the South bitch diet!
Bob: Good one.
Bob: Table for 4. No smoking.
Waitress: Wipe your feet.
Jamie: [while tying a knot in a cherry stem in her mouth] Mm-hmm. Mmm, mm-hmm. [spits stem out] See, that's why you should study. So you can get good grades and go to a big party school. [drops stem]
Cassie: [her and Bob are playing billiards] Hey, Dad, how come we never got a pool table for the house?
Bob: Because of the generalissimo over there. [Cassie laughs] We had one before you were born, in the dining room, but then, you know, you get a job, you start inviting over for dinner, you have a family.
Cassie: So life used to be fun?
Bob: Yeah, it was fun. But then something happened that was a lot more fun.
Cassie: [amuses Bob referred to her] Aw...
Bob: We got the George Foreman smokeless grill.
Cassie: [laughs] Okay...
[Bob sinks the 8-ball]
Cassie: Dad, you forgot something.
Bob: Baby, don't interrupt Dad's handsome new bosses, okay?
Cassie: Sure, but the RV's rolling away.
[the RV rolls backwards, flattening the cars behind it]
[Bob is sitting on the toilet]
Billy: Hi, Mr. Munro.
Bob: Hi, Billy. I'm just...
Billy: Wow! You sure got a nice one.
Bob: What?
Billy: That's a nice laptop.
Bob: Oh, thanks. What are you doing up?
Billy: I have a sleep disorder. I haven't slept since I was 5.
Bob: So you just wander around the campground?
Billy: Yeah, I don't really mind. It's the only time I have alone. [Bob chuckles briefly] Well, see ya. [walks away]
Carl: Does anyone have a vomit bag?
Jamie: Are you sick?
Carl: Big time. Cassie and Earl are making out.
Bob: Hey, guess what?
Jamie: [offscreen] What?
Bob: We need gas. [Cassie groans] And I really have to go to the bathroom.
Jamie: You know, we have one of those.
Bob: Yeah, but after my last little shower of sadness...
Jamie: Okay, okay, do what you have to do.
Bob: Oh, I-I-I've got an ICBM coming!
Cassie: Ugh!
Bob: [mutters to himself] If there's a poop fairy, I can make a lot of money.
Cassie: Mom, some idiot just parked this ugly RV outside our house.
Jamie: What?
Cassie: Oh, my god. It's your husband.
Bob: Hi, everybody. Sorry I'm late. I just came down from the mountain, and next time I'll use the road. I guess you guys didn't get the memo about "extreme casual". I love your wilderness so much that I decided to wear it. [Todd bursts with laughter] Easy, Todd. It's been kind of a-a wild journey getting here. If you ever wanna really find out about yourself, put your family in an RV and, uh, drive. I've seen some amazing stuff. I've, uh, fought wild raccoons and won. I've been in the desert to a place where it's not the end of the world, but you can see it from there. [referring to the Gornickes] And...I met this weird family. I mean, boy, they were strange. You know, whenever a big white man picks up a banjo, my cheeks tighten. In the dictionary, under "hootenanny", it says "See: them". And you know what's strange about them. [turns to the Gornickes] They're just honest, good people and it's an honor to have them as friends. [turns to Garry and Larry, about Alpine] Garry, Larry, this is a nice company you have here. It's your baby. I bet at the birth of your baby, you were, uh, kinda scared, right? Excited but scared. And you didn't know it was gonna turn out, and the next thing you know, it's up and walking, and you-you're tryna raise it. And sometimes you didn't know what the heck you were doing but you pretended like you did. And, uh, the next thing you know, your baby's grown. It's bigger, older, more complicated, difficult to deal with. But here's the deal, you care about it just as much because you nurtured it and part of you is in it and you're proud of it. You love it more than ever. [smiles at Cassie who smiles back, then turns again to Garry and Larry] And right now, you have to make a decision of whether you wanna merge your family with the Pure Vibe family. And I guarantee you the stocks are gonna split and you'll have money you won't know what to do with. And your company's gonna grow. You'll be bigger than a woman in bicycle shorts at Disneyland. You'll be able to get all the stuff, like the ski boat, a $4000 bike, maybe even a Barcalounger that, you know, messages your butt and blows smoke at the same time. Bottom line here, Garry, Larry, if you wanna merge Alpine and Pure Vibe...I promise you you're making the worst decision of your entire life. [audience gasps in shock]
Todd: [gets up] Whoa! This guy's a disgruntled employee. [Laird laughs softly] Couldn't keep up with the inner talent. Look at him. He's off his meds. Finished. [clears his throat] His own daughter assaulted me at my home.
Cassie: I did not! [referring to Gretchen] It was my friend. And she did it because Pure Vibe has one of the worst environmental records in the industry.
Todd: [scoffs in disbelief] What...? Why are these kids here?
Cassie: [as she walks to Todd] Plus, last year, you guys outsourced for cheaper labor to other countries like... [Todd tackles her]
Bob: [referring to Cassie] Let her go, Todd!
Todd: I'll let her go. I'll let you go. You're fired.
Carl: [throws Todd to the ground] Hiyah!
Bob: [impressed] Yo, dog.
Cassie: [surprised] Carl!
Moon: [lovestruck] My hero.
Bob: Todd, I quit.

Cast

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