Sam & Cat

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Sam & Cat is an American teen sitcome that premiered June 8, 2013, on Nickelodeon and ran until its cancellation on July 17, 2014. It is a crossover spin-off/sequel of both iCarly and Victorious.

Season 1[edit]

#Pilot [1.01][edit]

Sam: I don't have anywhere I really need to be, and you kinda seem like you need a roommate.
Cat: Are you saying what I think you're saying?!
Sam: Yep.
Cat: Your gonna stay here with me in L.A. for a while and help me find a roommate?!
Sam: I already found you a roommate!
Cat: (Throws her money on the couch) Shut up, who is she?!
Sam: Me!
Cat: Oh my god! (Runs and hugs Sam) This is the best day ever! So much better than yesterday when we were in garbage.
Sam: Isn't it.

Taco Truck Owner: Hey! aren't you Sam from iCarly?
Sam: Are you a cop?
Taco Truck Owner: No.
Sam: Yeah I'm Sam.

Cat: What if I fall in the toilet and get stuck again?

Sam: If she gets stuck in the toilet again, would you please text me a pic of that?

Dice: You look like Sam from that web show iCarly.
Sam: Nah, that chick is way hotter than me.
Cat: She is Sam.
Dice: Woah, you're awesome!
Sam: Yeah.

(Cat gets into the sofa bed next to Sam)
Sam: Uh, what are you doing?
Cat: I'm gonna sleep next to you so you don't get scared.
Sam: I'm not gonna get scare- Oh, whatever.
Cat: So, how long you going to be in L.A.?
Sam: Uh.. I don't know.
Cat: Well, don't you want to get back to Seattle?
Sam: Eh, I'm in no rush. I mean, my best friend moved to Italy with her dad, and my mom is kind of a nut job.

Little girl: Can you take Darby? He's heavy! (The girl hands the baby to Cat)
Cat: No you guys I gotta go! Here. (Cat hands the baby to Sam)
Sam: Woah, I don't want this beast! (Sam places the baby in a flower pot) Oh yeah, pretty flowers.

Nona: (whilst inside a sack getting pushed through the front door in a trolley by some young kids) Aaaaaaaaah!
Cat: Nona!
Sam: Nice sack.

Sam: What happened to you?
Nona: Those little demons happened to me!

Dice: And guess what I got today?
Cat: Oooh, is it something?

Dice: I got hair from Will Smith, Katy Perry. I got Ryan Seacrest, Justin Bieber-
Cat: How much for the Bieber?!
Dice: $30
Cat: I'll take it!

Sam: Hey! Don't pick up that trash can! There's a girl in there!
Cat: Oh my god! (Cat gets tipped out of the trash can into a garbage truck!

Sam: C'mon, elderly's love living with other elderly's! They eat dinner at 4 o'clock and talk about pills.

(Cat pulls Sam out from inside the sofa bed)
Cat: That's not how you sleep on a sofa bed.

Cat: Oh, please! You saved me from being squished in garbage! Let me repay you with the gift of bathing!

Dice: (Whilst walking out the front door) Save your snot!
Sam: You're a weird kid!

Sam: You got another robe I could wear? You know one that doesn't make me look like a vomiting rainbow.

Cat: (Loudly into a megaphone) I'm stopping my vehicle!

Cat: Hi! what's wrong?
Young boy: We can't find our cat.
Cat: Shut up, my name is Cat!
Young boy: Can you help us find our cat?

Sam: How much Bieber did you sniff?!

Sam: And why is there a battery in my burrito?

Sam: Let's see. You have red hair and I'm blonde, so I get 130 and you get no-hundred and 20. (Sam gives Cat $20)
Cat: Oooo, thank you!

Cat: We have to give him C-3PO!
Sam: CPR?
Cat: Ok we'll try that first!

Cat Where's my Nona?!

Cat: Is it ok if she stays here with us tonight?
Nona: Hmmm.. Sure. I assume you don't have a prison record. (Laughs with Cat)
Sam: Yeah... You assume that.

Cat: Who's gonna make me soup?
Nona: You can learn.
Cat: I can?
Nona: Sure, you just open the can, pour it into a bowl and put it in the microwave.
Cat: Wait, slow down...

Cat: You left the baby in the bush!
Sam: I'm getting the baby!

Cat: Bye! (Cat's gum falls out of her mouth and into the trash can) Dang it! My gum fell out of my mouth!

Cat: I'm gonna faint. I'm gonna puke. I'm gonna fuke!

Sam: How was school?
Cat: Learn-y.

Cat: Oh my gosh, that was so much fun!
Sam: Not so much for this guy. (Sam picks up a dead rat and throws it away)

Sam: Hey! Quit sniffing the Biebs.
Cat: I can't help it! He smells so TALENTED!

(Cat starts tickling Sam on the motorcycle)
Sam: Don't tickle me.
(Cat stops and then puts her fingers in Sam's ears)
Sam: Take your fingers out of my ears.
(Cats takes them out and then starts drumming on Sam's helmet with her hands)
Sam: This is gonna be a long ride.

#FavoriteShow [1.02][edit]

Cat: Our first real customer! Now we're professional babysitters! Shh! Just be cool, he doesn't have to know we're new at this.
Sam: He's 3 feet away.
(Cat turns around and the customer waves at her)

Cat: Woop woop woop! Shh! Be cool!
Sam: I'll try to control myself.

Sam: Try to escape, eh? Well, now you go in the hole, see? (Eats the bone rib)

Sam Ok, Math. Let's see. (Looks at the TV) Channel 2 plus channel 5 equals channel 7.

Sam: That show was a big hit! What kind of TV network cancels a big hit?!
Cat: It's insane! They're not even gonna do a big final episode!
Sam: WHAT?!

Little boy: Can someone read me a story?
Cat: No.
Little boy: Is toothpaste a vegetable?
Sam: No.
Little boy: Can I jump off the roof?
Sam & Cat: Yes.

Sam: Look, on TV shows they don't own a usual pear computer, so they change the pear to a banana.
Cat: Oh! That's so clever.

(Door bell goes "Ding Dong")
Cat: Ding dong.
Sam: Why'd you do that?
Cat: Do what?

Dice: Aww, you're sweet.
Sam: (She takes off Dice's hat and pulls him in towards her by his shirt) Never call me sweet.

Sam: You know what you need?
Cat: My own unicorn?

#TheBritBrats [1.03][edit]

Police Man: My gun is made of cheese (takes a bite of gun)

Ruby: Wait!
Nona: Yes?
Gwen: We want to buy that card.
Cat: But I'm buying it. Here's my $5.
Gwen: I'll give you $10 for that card.
Cat: I'll pay you $50 for that card.
Gwen: $100!
Cat: $200!
Nona: (Brings her hand up to her heart) Ugh, my pace maker!
Gwen: Alright, I'll buy that bingo card for $500!
(Everybody in the room gasps)
Nona: I'm sorry but I have to sell the card to this little foreign girl.
Cat: But.. But... But...
Ruby: Yes!
(The two girls walk off), then they turn round and blow raspberries at Cat)

Sam: The next number is... G41.
(Everyone aww's)
Gwen: Yes! Look Ruby, we got another one!
Ruby: We should go to Vegas!
Sam: Ok, the next number is... (sarcastically trying to trick everyone, especially the two little girls) Ahh, there's a scratch on this number, I should probably just throw this one in the trash-
Gwen: Just say the number!
Ruby: Get on with it!
Sam: ...B7.
Gwen & Ruby: BINGO!!!
(Everyone else aww's)
Gwen: We just won a giant television machine!
Ruby: Wooo!
(Policemen come in whistling)
Cop: Ok, this is a raid.
(Everyone gasps)
Nona: We are being raided?
Cop: This is an illegal bingo game.
Sam: Since when is bingo illegal?
Cop: When you're giving away a prize worth over $2000.
Sam: Cat! You're running an illegal bingo game!
Cat: But it was Nona's idea!
Nona: I don't even know these girls!

Cat: That snack.. That snack she's eating! Is she eating... (Cat grabs the little girl eating bibble and smells her breath)
Ruby: Bibble!
(Cat lets go and walks backwards whilst screaming)
Gwen: You want some?
Cat: No! Yes! I mean, how much bibble do you have?!
Gwene: We brought a BIG tin jug of it...
Ruby: ...from England.
(Cat screams whilst picking up and hugging both of the little girls)

Cat: I'm baaaaaack!! (Cat runs with her jug of bibble to the kitchen) I got bibble! I got bibble!! I'm back and I got bibble!! Woooooooo!!
Dice: Did you get my money back?
Cat: Yes! At first.
Sam: And then what?
Cat: And then, they had this big tin jug of bibble which I BOUGHT! Where's my spife? (Cat looks and finds her spife) There's my spife! (Cat starts to open the jug of bibble)
Sam: Wait, how much did you spend on that can?
Cat: The can was free I just paid for the bibble inside.
Dice: How much?
Cat: $500! Plus my bike! (Cat points at Dice) Don't judge me. (Cat carries on opening the bibble)
Sam: You gave those little Brit Brats all Dice's money?!
Cat: And my bike! Everybody clear? Everybody up to speed? I hope so cause I gotta eat me some bibble! (Cat opens the tin jug to find a load of cotton swabs)
Cat: Cotton swabs?!

Cat: I fell off my bike, but I don't think I broke any of my parts.

Cat: So what do you guys wanna do?
Gwen: Oh anything would be lovely.
Ruby: Lovely.
Cat: We could make some tea.
Sam: You could do our laundry.
Cat: We could play games.
Sam: You could rub my feet.

Dice: Those little girls were supposed to sell me five new Pear Phone sixes. And they sold me rocks! Rocks!
Cat: They're nice rocks.
Dice: Who cares?!
Cat: Any rock collector would.

#NewGoat [1.04][edit]

Cat: Is that my toothbrush?
Sam: Would I have a toothbrush that did this?
(Music starts playing from the toothbrush and Cat starts dancing.)

Sam: Here, pick a channel. Nothing educational.
(The goat changes the TV channel.)
(Sam opens the entrance door.)
Sam: Yeah?
Dilben: Let me in.
Sam: Why?
Dilben: Thank you.
(Dilben watches a goat in the sofa.)
Dilben: Ahoy! I knew I smelled an animal.
Sam: Ahoy?
Dilben: You're not allowed to have that beast in this building.
Sam: Why are you wearing a cape?
Dilben: Because I am.
Sam: Are you a magician?
Dilben: No.
Sam: Superhero?
Dilben: No. I wear a cape because I like capes.
Sam: Weirdos like capes.
(Dilben shows the printed papers.)
Dilben: See this here?
Sam: No.
Dilben: This paper.
Sam: Did something poop on your forehead?
Dilben: I command you to listen to me!
(Sam put two donuts on her ears.)
Dilben: This says... "Residents of this building may keep cats or small dogs. No other animals allowed".
Sam: Are caped weirdos allowed?
Dilben: You're new to this building, aren't you?
Sam: Kinda.
Dilben: Well, I happen to be a big deal around here. And you have one day to get rid of that goat.
Sam: That's not a goat.
Dilben: Is too.
Sam: It's a cat.
Dilben: That's a lie.
Sam: It's a small dog.
Dilben: Another lie!
Sam: So you have no friends?
Dilben: Irrelevant! Sign this, to show that you've been warned about your goat.
Sam: I'm not signing anything.
Dilben: You will sign it! Or I won't leave.
(The next scene shows Dilben with his shirt around his waist and his pants over his head, kicked out of the apartment by Sam.)
Dilben: How dare you put my shirt around my waist and my pants around my torso!
Sam: Thanks for stopping by.
Dilben: You give me back my cape!
Sam: No.
Dilben: Why not?!
Sam: Because young boys shouldn't wear capes.
(Sam closes the door and Dilben leaves.)
Dilben: Sherlock Holmes wore a cape.

(Someone knocks the door twice.)
Cat: Come in, Dice.
Dilben: I'm not Dice. I'm...
Sam: Get out.
Cat: No. Um, hi, Dilben! Come in. Would you like a muffin?
Dilben: I spit on your muffins.
Cat: You should try butter.
Dilben: Your goat is still here.
Sam: It's not our goat.
Cat: We're just babysitting him.
Dilben: Yeah right.
Sam: Hey, you got another cape.
Dilben: I wanna speak to your grandmother.
Cat: My Nona?
Dilben: Get her.
Sam: She doesn't live here anymore.
Dilben: Whaaaaaat?
Cat: She moved to Elderly Acres.
Sam: Yup.
Dilben: Interesting. And who else lives here with you two?
Cat: Nobody.
Dilben: Delicious.
Sam: What are you yammin' about?
Dilben: Building rules! All apartments must have at least one adult resident. And since you're both in high school, and you're keeping a goat! My father has two reasons to throw you out!
(Dilben tries to leave the house but Sam interrupts him.)
Sam: Dilben.
Dilben: Yeeeeees.
Sam: Before you go...
(The next scene shows Dilben with his shirt around his waist and his pants over his head, kicked out of the apartment by Sam, once again.)
Sam: Enjoy your Saturday.
Dilben: I still have one more cape!
Sam: Suck a truck.
(Sam closes the door and Dilben leaves.)
Dilben: I will not suck a truck! Or enjoy my Saturday!
(Sam opens the door.)
Sam: Alright, Dilben, you can have your cape back!
(Dilben runs to the door trying to get his cape back.)
Sam: Whoops!
(Sam closes the door, Dilben fails and leaves.)

Nona: Call Dr. Stanky.
Cat: Dr. Stanky!
Sam: Use your phone.

Cat: Boys, boys, boys! Fighting is never the answer! Now let's try using our words.

Cat: You know what they say, "Easy like a goat".
Sam: Who says that?
Cat: The goat keepers?

Cat: Ding dong.
Sam: Ugh! That's Dilben.
Cat: Okay Goomer, are you ready?
Goomer: Yep. I'm Uncle live here, and I'm you.
Cat: No! You're our Uncle and you live here!
Goomer: Uncle Fudge.
Sam and Cat: No!
(Cat opens the entrance door.)
Cat: Hi, Dilben. This must be your dad.
Dilben's father: May we come in?
Cat: Well, sure.
Sam: Just get in the shower with the goat and make sure he stays there.
Dice: I don't wanna get in the shower with a goat!
Sam: Shower with the goat!
Dice: Oh!
Sam: Bleh!
(Dice runs to the bathroom.)
Dilben's father: So my son tells me that you're living here with a goat.
Sam: Not anymore.
Cat: No more goat.
Dilben: They had a goat.
Sam: Well, now we don't.
Cat: Sam!
Dilben: And they're living here by themselves without a proper grown-up.
Sam: By ourselves?
Cat: Uncle Goomer?
(Goomer doesn't want to respond because he wants to be called "Uncle Fudge".)
Sam: Uncle Fudge?
Goomer: Oh hi. I'm their Uncle, and I live here.
Cat: With us.
Goomer: With them.
Sam: And he's twenty-seven.
Cat: Yup, wanna see his I.D.?
Sam: They don't need to see his I.D.
Dilben's father: I would like to see his I.D.
Goomer: Sure, I got it right here in my pants.
Sam: You don't need to show them your I.D.
Goomer: Here it is.
(The goat bleats and runs to the room and Dice runs after it.)
Dice: Murf! Come back here!
Dilben: Ahoy!
Dilben's father: That's a goat!
Sam: Well, thanks for swinging by.
Dilben's father: Now this says you live in Van Nuys.
Goomer: Well... I'm so ashamed.
Dilben: Ha! You girls are outta here.
Cat: But this is our home!
Sam: Look if you want us outta here then you're gonna have to call the cops.
(An unknown man enters the door.)
Unknown man: Dilben? Are you in here? Dilben!
Dilben: Uh, what?! I've never seen that man before in my life, go away, dad! Uh... stranger.
Sam: Who are you?
Unknown man: Dilben's father.
Dilben: No!
Cat: Well, then who's this man?
Dilben's fake father: All right then. I can clear this up.
(Dilben's fake father runs out the house, scared.)
Sam: What is going on?
Cat: This is getting kinda weird.
Goomer: I'm Uncle Fudge.
Sam: Shut up.
Dilben's true father: Has Dilben been telling you that his father owns this building?
Cat: Uh-huh.
Sam: Yeah.
Dilben's true father: Well, I don't.
Sam: You're really his father?
Dilben's true father: That's right. He's embarrassed of me because of my job.
Cat: What's your job?
Dilben's true father: I sell...
Dilben: Don't say it!
Dilben's true father: I sell wide shoes to wide-footed women.
Dilben: Oh, no! Aaaaaahh!
(Dilben sits on the sofa, embarrassed.)
Sam: Yowza.
Cat: Why is it such a big deal?
Dilben: You think it's easy being unlikable and having a dad, who sells wide shoes to wide-footed women?!
Dilben's true father: You think it's fun for me, having a son who wears capes?!
Dilben: They're fashionable!
Sam: Okay, ho ho hold on. So... You're just an annoying kid who lives in this building?
Dilben's true father: He certainly is.
Cat: And you just sell wide shoes?
Dilben's true father: To wide-footed women, yes.
Sam: Well, since neither of you have any power over us...
(The next scene shows Dilben and his true father with their shirts around their waists and their pants over their heads, kicked out of the apartment by Sam.)
Sam: Bye!
(Sam closes the door.)
Cat: Murf sneezed on Goomer.
Goomer: Bad dog.

#TextingCompetition [1.05][edit]

Cat: She's always texting me about wazzing.
Sam: Sometimes while I'm wazzing.

Mrs. Torso: I thought I told you not to come.
Sam: You did.
Mrs. Torso: Then, why are you here?
Sam: Because we don't care what you say.
Cat: [Laughs] She's so disrespectful!

Cat: Vice President of what?
Sam: I think it's the Vice President of America.
Cat: Oh. Do we know what his name is?
Sam: Nah, we're just high school students.

#TextingCompetition [1.10][edit]

Cat: Yay! They saw our commercial.
Sam: They called it stupid.
Cat: That's just street talk for good, you know like [gasps and begins to talk ghetto] Yo, man that girl is stupid.
Sam: Hear that a lot, don't ya.
Cat: [Nods her head and giggles]

Cat: Look.
Shelter owner: Yes, that's a nice dog.
Cat: And, look his name is Danger [pronounced Dang-ger]]
Sam: [sighs] Danger.
Cat: WHERE?!

#SecretSafe [1.13][edit]

Sam: Anyway, don't look at it like we're babysitting ya. You'll just be, like, crashing here with your two cool teenage buds.
Cat: Cat and Sam.
Sam: I don't like it when you say it that way.
Cat: Sam and Cat.
Sam: Better.

Sam: Hello! Dice! You still there? If you let us out now, I promise I won't break both of your legs!
Cat: Hey, Sam. Try to open the door to the safe so we can get outta here!
Sam: Wow, why didn't I think of that?

Goomer: What's the combination?
Cat: Nine oh two nine one!
Sam: That's our zip code.
Cat: Five seven three two
Sam: That's your phone number.
Cat: I give up.

#SalmonCat [1.17][edit]

NARRATOR: (on Dice's laptop screen) Heeeeeeeeyyyy kkkkkiiiiiddddssss. It's time for the wet and wacky world of Salmon Cat. Today's episode is about SSSSSHHHHHAAAAAARRRIIIINNNNNNGGGG.
SAM: (watching Salmon Cat on the screen) Ugh. This is torture.
CAT: (watching Salmon Cat on the screen) Shhhhhh! I like it!

(The rest of the lines are all on Salmon Cat, on the computer screen.)

SALMON CAT: Meow meow meow meow meow. I've got a whole bag of candy!
OCTO PIGGY: Oink, oink, oink! Hi there, Salmon Cat!
SALMON CAT: Hi there, Octo Piggy!
OCTO PIGGY: Can I have some candy?
SALMON CAT: Noooooooooo.
OCTO PIGGY: But I was hoping you would SSSSSHHHHHHAAAAAARRRREEEE some of your candy with me!
SAM: (sick of the show) Okay. I can't watch any more of this trash.

#TheKillerTunaJump: #Freddie #Jade #Robbie [1.23][edit]

Sam:  No, you're not! 'Cuz I'm gonna jump the tunna
Dice:  Yes.
Cat:  You promised me, you wouldn't.
Sam:  Oh, what do you care? You can't like me very much if you're gonna flirt with my ex-boyfriend right in front of my face.
Cat:  Well-Well you flirted with Robbie right in front of my face.
Sam:  Oh, you mean like this? Mmmmmh...that was some taste Robbie
Cat:  Y'know what? Jump your stupid motorcycle over the tuna fish
Freddie:  Whoa, whoa, whoa. That sounds dangerous.
Cat:  It is...and I don't care what happens to you.

#BrainCrush [1.25][edit]

Sam: Do we have a hammer?
Cat: No.
Sam: [begins banging head into the door]
Cat: Sam, don't do that! Use this.
Sam: I asked you if we had one of those!
Cat: You asked me if we had a hammer.
Sam: Well, what do you call that?
Cat: A nail banger!

#BlueDogSoda [1.26][edit]

State regulator:  What are you two, a couple of dummies?  Blue Dog Soda has been banned in California.
Cat:  Banned?
Cat:  Why?
State regulator:  'Cause there's too much sugar in it.  And thanks to me, the State Bureau of Interference has passed a law: it is now illegal to sell or to drink Blue Dog Soda.
Sam:  But that's insane.
Cat:  That's our favourite beverage.
State regulator:  Too bad!  Did you know that some people drink ten-to-twelve bottles of this junk per day?
Cat:  Well we don't!
Sam:  Yeah, but we drink, like, one or two a week.
State regulator:  Yeah, well, some people drink too much of it.
Sam:  So?  Just 'cause some people drink too much of it, now nobody can have any?
State regulator:  That's right!  Because the public is too stupid to be trusted with things that they enjoy!

State regulator:  So, you girls babysit?
Cat:  Yeah.
Sam:  Why, you gonna ban us from babysitting now, too?
State regulator:  Nah.  I have a kid—and I don't like him.  So maybe I'll dump him on you two for a while.

Sam:  Pretty soon, we're gonna have all the Blue Dog Soda we want.
Cat:  How?
Goomer:  Harh.
Sam:  I'm makin' it.  I went online and did a ton of research and, pretty soon, I'm gonna have the exact formula.

Sam:  We're making Blue Dog Soda as a protest; this is about doing what's right!
Dice:  What do you mean?
Cat:  Well, it's wrong that there are people out there who want to butt into everybody's business and tell us what we can and can't have!
Sam:  Exactly.
Dice:  Okay.  So, then, what's the plan here?
Sam:  We make enough Blue Dog Soda for ourselves, and to sell to anyone who wants some.

State regulator:  Look, are you two babysitters or not?
Sam:  Listen, buddy, unless you got a warrant, you can't just come in here and b—babysitters?
State regulator:  Yeah.  Remember the flier?  It said you two babysit.
Cat:  We do.
State regulatorGood.  Mitch, get in here!  This is my boy, Mitch.  And I thought that maybe you two could babysit him for a few hours.
Sam:  Oh, so you came here just 'cause you want us to babysit your kid?
State regulator:  Yeah.  And he's not much trouble; he just likes—what d'you like?
MitchTelevision, football, cheese.
State regulator:  That sort of stuff.
Mitch:  Why can't I just stay with you?
State regulator:  Well, because daddy has to go find some bad people and put them in jail.
CatWhat bad people?
State regulatorSomebody has been making illegal Blue Dog Soda and selling it.
Sam:  No, those "jerks."
Cat:  Yeah, "jerks."
State regulator:  We don't know who it is, yet, but some genius copied the formula.
Cat (to Sam)Genius.
State regulator:  We're gonna find 'em, we're gonna bust 'em, and we're gonna shut 'em down.
Sam:  Okay.
Cat:  You do that.
Mitch:  How come?
State regulator:  'Cause sugar is bad.
Sam:  Okay, so you, uh, gonna shut down the people who make grape juice?  'Cause grape juice has a lot more sugar in it than soda has.
State regulator:  Uh, n-no it doesn't.
Sam:  Yeah, it does.
Cat:  Grape juice has lots more sugar than soda.
Sam:  So you gonna ban grape juice?
State regulator:  L-look, I am not interested in facts!  So, anyway, I'll be back to pick up the kid later.
Mitch:  I love you, daddy.
State regulator:  Don't embarrass me.

State regulator:  You Blue Dog Soda punks are in serious trouble!
Sam:  Why?
State regulator:  Why!?
Sam:  What's your problem?
Cat:  Yeah, what's wrong with making a tasty soda that everybody loves?
Dice:  Which we wouldn't've had to do if you hadn't banned Blue Dog Soda in the first place!
Goomer:  Has anybody seen the butt-scratcher?
Cat:  What's your problem with Blue Dog?
State regulator:  My problem is that some people drink too much of it.  And that's not healthy.
Sam:  So?  Some people eat too many sandwiches; you gonna ban sandwiches?
Cat:  Oh, and roller coasters!  What if a kid decided to ride roller coasters all day long everyday?  He'd flunk out of school!
Dice:  You gonna ban roller coasters?
Sam:  And what about sleeping?  I mean, if a person sleeps way too long, they're gonna wake up in a pile of their own poop.
Cat:  You gonna ban sleeping?
Goomer:  And pooping?
Dice:  And what about hugs?
Sam:  Right!
Dice:  If you hug someone real tight for too long, you could kill 'em.
Goomer:  That is true.
Sam:  So maybe you should ban hugging.
Dice:  Why don't you just ban everything?
Cat:  Yeah!  Because too much of anything could be bad for you.  But it's not fair to punish everybody.
Sam:  Just 'cause some people can't control themselves.
Goomer:  Don't you think people oughta be free to choose?
CatThis is America.
Dice:  The seventh-smartest country in the world.
Sam:  And we don't need people like you telling everybody what we can and can't do.
(The audience cheers)
(The state regulator cries)
Mitch:  Dad, what's wrong?
State regulator:  They're right!  I'm so stupid!

Sam:  To Blue Dog!
Cat:  And to freedom!
(The quartet celebrate their victory with bottles of Blue Dog Soda)

#BlooperEpisode [1.27][edit]

people: Ariana, will you take our picture?
Ariana: Uh... sure. Wait, you don't want me in the picture, right?
people: No. oh, no. We want a picture with Jennette.
Jennette: o ya.

#DroneBabyDrone [1.31][edit]

Nona:Flying robits?!
Sam: Robits?
Cat:That's what she calls robots.
Sam:Why would she call robots robits?
Dice:Cause she's old.
Nona: [Sprays Dice with a hose]
Nona: [smiles] I may be old, but who's wet?

Cat: Do you guys hear that? pie
Sam: The drone!

(run to door)

Cat: I don't see it!
Sam: Me neither
Dice: Maybe it's coming from the other way

(run to door)

Cat: Oh,I see it!
Sam: That's the moon!
Cat: Dang it!
Nona: Over there!
Sam: There it is!
Cat: OMG!Hi,drone
Dice: It's so cool
Sam: Man,it's coming pretty fast
Cat: Real fast
Nona: Where is it gonna land?

(drone smashes through window)

Cat: It's here!
Sam: Beef stick
Cat: Enormous man's underpants
Drone: Thank you for shopping at
Dice: How great is technology?

#GettinWiggy [1.35][edit]

(Last lines of the series)
(In Nona's apartment)
Sam: Hey, Nona, what goes... Hey. Em- What are you doing?
Nona: Well, I'm getting ready to go back to Elderly Acres.
Sam: What? No! What? No. You can't leave! Well, come on! What's for dinner? I mean, let's go, right? Mac and cheese and cheese and cheese and cheese, huh?
Nona: I got a phone call. I can go back now. The funk mites are gone.
Sam: Well, that's great but--
Nona: And Cat's coming home tonight, and she's going to need her bed back.
Sam: But... but I don't want you to leave!
Nona: Oh, honey, you'll be all right.
Sam: (Sobs) No, I won't!
Nona: Sam.
(Pearphone rings)
Nona: I think that's your phone ringing.
Sam: (Answers Pearphone) Who is it?
Dice: (In Phoenix) Sam?
Sam: (In LA) What do you want?
Dice: (In Phoenix) I got good news and bad news.
Sam: (In LA) What?
Dice: (In Phoenix) Well, I got the cover of the magazine.
Sam: (In LA) Wow, yeah, great. What's the bad news?
Dice: (In Phoenix) One of the other boys is being taken to a scalp hospital.
Sam: (In LA) That's it?
Dice: (In Phoenix) No. Cat's being arrested.
(The police puts handcuffs on Cat)
Cat: I mean, it really looks like a wig.
Sam: (In LA) Wait, Cat was really arrested?
Dice: (In Phoenix) Yes. You got to get Nona to come to Arizona and bail her out or else Cat's going to be in jail for two weeks.
Sam: (In LA) Okay, I'll tell Nona. Bye.
Dice: (In Phoenix) Bye.
Nona: (In LA) Who was that?
Sam: Oh, that was Dice and Cat.
Nona: Oh, are they coming back here?
Sam: No.
Nona: What's going on?
Sam: (Lies) They decide to stay in Phoenix for two more weeks, so Cat says you should stay here and take care of me until she gets back.
Nona: Really?
Sam: I promise.
Nona: Well, I guess I better start dinner, then. (Laughs)
Sam: Yep. Yes, you should.
(Sam starts lying on the couch.)

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