Shallow Hal

From Wikiquote
Jump to: navigation, search

Shallow Hal is a 2001 romantic comedy film starring Gwyneth Paltrow and Jack Black. It was directed by the Farrelly Brothers, and filmed in and around Charlotte, North America as well as Sterling and Princeton, Massachusetts at Wachusett Mountain.


Tony: Haven't you ever heard that beauty is in the eye of the beholder?
Mauricio: Have you heard the song Who Let The Dogs Out?

Mauricio: You had me at "Get lost".

Hal: [after introducing his overweight girlfriend to Mauricio] Does she take the cake, or what?
Mauricio: She takes the whole bakery, Hal.

Mauricio: She's got CANKLES!

Hal: There's Rosemary.
Mauricio: Where?
Hal: Right there!
Mauricio: Is she behind the rhino?

Doctor: Reverend Larson, your son is here.
Reverend: Okay, sure. Send her in.

Rosemary: Is that a member's only jacket?
Mauricio: Yes.
Rosemary: So what are you, the last member?

Mauricio: The thing is all the women he's been seeing are ugly.
Tony: Who says they're ugly?
Mauricio: Bausch & Lomb.

Mauricio: Hey, Hal. Come look at this turd! It looks like Klinger from M*A*S*H!

Hal: See, the problem is I'm kind of pricky.
Tony: What do you mean, pricky?
Hal: Well. For instance, I like them real young. Like, did you ever see Paulina in her first "Sports Illustrated" layout?
Tony: You're looking for a young Paulina type?
Hal: Well, that face. But with better headlights. You know how hers have kind of dimmed lately? Heidi Klum's beams would would do, and her teeth. Or, ooh. That Britney Spears girl. She's got great knockers, but she's a tad muscular. Uh. Actually, you know what? Her ass would do, too. If she had a better grille. Like, uh. Michelle Pfeiffer back when she did Grease 2. But she'd have to be a little smilier than Michelle. Kind of like Rebecca Romijn-Stamos, before she got Stamosed. But not as skinny. Someone a little meatier, like Heidi. But without the accent. You know those accents: yah-yah-yah-yah. They really get old fast. You know what I mean? Someone like that.
Tony: Hal, don't you think you're being a bit shallow here in the way you look at women?
Hal: Well, no! You know, I'd like her to be into culture and shit too.
Tony: Okay, Hal. Hypothetical situation. Which do you prefer: a girlfriend missing one breast or half a brain?
Hal: Hmmm, toughie. What about the remaining breast? Is it big?

Hal: So what do you weigh, like 110? 115?
Rosemary: [sarcastically] Which one of my butt cheeks are you talking about?

Hal: Hey there, is this not the most adorable little girl? What is your name, sweetheart?
Little girl: Cadence.
Hal: Cadence, huh? A perfect name for a perfect little girl. I do not see what is wrong, I mean, she should be starring in commercials. Tell you what Cadence, I am going to hold you until the cows come home.
Hal picks up Cadence. Ugly nurse enters
Ugly nurse: Visiting hours are over. Out now!
Hal puts down Cadence
Hal: The cows came home.

External links[edit]

Wikipedia has an article about: