Stargate SG-1/Season 2

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Stargate SG-1 (1997–2007) is an American television series about a secret military team, SG-1, that is formed to explore other planets through the recently discovered Stargates. The show, created by Brad Wright and Jonathan Glassner, is based on the 1994 science fiction film Stargate by Dean Devlin and Roland Emmerich.

The Serpent's Lair [2.1][edit]

[SG-1 is about to complete a suicide mission.]
Col. O'Neill: Now, I suppose this is the time for me to say something profound. [pause] Nothing comes to mind, let's do it.

Bra'tac: We offer to lay down our lives for your world, human. You cannot ask more.
Col. O'Neill: No, I can't. But I think a better idea is to get the other guys to lay down their lives for their world first, hmm?

Col. O'Neill: We've been in worse situations than this.
Teal'c: Not to my knowledge.

Col. O'Neill: I think what the Captain's asking is, "What now?"
Bra'tac: Now we die.
Col. O'Neill: Well, that's a bad plan.

Bra'tac: I have spent 133 years worshipping false gods! No more!

Bra'tac: You are Hammond...(He gestures to his own head of Hammond's bald head) of Texas?
General Hammond: I am.
Bra'tac: Your warriors serve you well.

Bra'tac: (Contemplating how to destroy the shield generator) The shield generators are far below. There, in the very bowels of the ship. We must climb down several decks, through the length of the ship. Then. taking our weapons we must...
Col. O'Neill:(Arms two grenades and tosses them down. They watch as the generator explodes.) Grenades.

[Jack gives Daniel a hug after seeing him alive]
Col. O'Neill: Space Monkey. Yeah!

In the Line of Duty [2.2][edit]

Teal'c: [having just zatted Daniel] Are you injured?
Dr. Jackson: Dumb question. But, thank you. I think.
Teal'c: You are welcome.
Dr. Jackson: Just don't ever do that again.

Prisoners [2.3][edit]

Col. O'Neill: Teal'c, look scary and take point.

Linea: All debts have now been paid.

The Gamekeeper [2.4][edit]

Capt. Carter: I like what they've done with the place.
Col. O'Neill: I'm not so sure I like what the place has done to them.

Dr. Jackson: We're out.
Col. O'Neill: [leaping out of the device] Whoa! Whew.
Capt. Carter: Wait. Didn't that seem just a little too easy?
Col. O'Neill: Yes, it did. Let's go home.

General Hammond: What are you doing, Colonel?
Col. O'Neill: Ah, I'm looking for the edges of a mask.
General Hammond: What?
Col. O'Neill:You're obviously not the real General Hammond.
General Hammond: Sit down, Colonel.
Col. O'Neill: I don't think so, bucko. The jig's up, we're on to ya.
General Hammond: What are you talking about?
Capt. Carter: We're still on P7J-989.
Col. O'Neill: Oh, you betcha. This is just a new game brought to you by our good friend [Pats Hammond on the head] the Keeper.

Dr. Jackson: Where are we going?
Col. O'Neill: Back through the Gate to show them what their planet looks like... [gets confused] our memories... before the virtual reality... Leave me alone!

Col. O'Neill: This is real this time, isn't it?
Gamekeeper: [sternly, to the residents] Do not pull that!! You are ruining the garden! [turns to glare at O'Neill and Jackson] I told you they will ruin everything! First, the garden, next, the entire planet!
Col. O'Neill and Jackson: [grinning] It's real.

Need [2.5][edit]

Col. O'Neill: [to Daniel](chuckles) Surprisingly difficult to kill you, isn't it?

Col. O'Neill: Carter's been having those... Goa'uld flashbacks of hers. She says if you don't stop using that... thing, you'll go to the dark side on us. If you haven't already.

Capt. Carter: Lately, I get this weird feeling when I'm near Teal'c.
Col. O'Neill: Hey, who doesn't?

Col. O'Neill: [to General Hammond] We had a nice time, Sir. Carter found some naquadah. Teal'c made some new friends, as usual. Daniel got engaged. And I, uh... I'm gonna hit the showers.

Dr. Jackson: I wouldn't be here if I didn't care.

Dr. Jackson: You can't use this anymore. It will be hard. Trust me. But you don't have to go through it alone.

Thor's Chariot [2.6][edit]

Col. O'Neill: You all know I take great pride in my title as Mr. Positive, but we did destroy their de-Goa'ulding thing; might not they look unkindly on that?

Teal'c: The destruction of the hammer device in order to save my life may have caused this. If so, I am responsible.
Col. O'Neill: General, I gave the order.
Dr. Jackson: I fired the staff at the machine.
Capt. Carter: And I... was there.

[Col. O'Neill and Teal'c are observing the Horus guards]
Col. O'Neill: What's with the heads? They look like those guys who used to be with Ra back on Abydos.
Teal'c: They are Horus. They guard the family of Ra. These probably guard the Goa'uld Heru-ur.
Col. O'Neill: And he'd be Ra's what? Cousin? Uncle?
Teal'c: He is the son of Ra and of Hathor.
Col. O'Neill: [sarcastic] Nice pedigree.

Heru-ur: Kneel before your god!
Olaf: My god is Thor! And he taught us to stand as equals!
Heru-ur: Your god cannot help you now. Only I can help you now. Strangers were seen coming through the Portal. Where are they? Answer! Answer!
Olaf: Thor taught us to have no fear of death!
Heru-ur: But what did he teach you of pain?

Olaf: Thunder and Fire! You do indeed possess Thor's might!

Dr. Jackson: Well, I guess we'll have to hold up here awhile till things calm down.
Teal'c: Things will not calm down, Daniel Jackson. They will in fact calm up.

[The hologram of the human viking Thor transforms into Thor's true form, which resembles a Roswell Grey.]
Dr. Jackson: Oh, my god!
Thor: I am the actual one whom you know as Thor.

Dr. Jackson: Before riding into battle the Sioux used to say, 'It is a good day to die'
[Col. O'Neill hits Dr. Jackson on the arm for saying it, when the skies suddenly darken. Black clouds roll out of the bright clear sky and peals of thunder are heard.]
Dr. Jackson: Then again, maybe not.
Col. O'Neill: Oh my!
[Out of the middle of the black clouds a massive ship looking like the hammer teleportation devices descends upon the Goa'uld motherships and camp.]
Dr. Jackson: Ladies and Gentlemen, I believe this is Thor's Chariot.
Teal'c: An Asgard Mothership! I've only heard of them described in Jaffa legend!

Gairwyn: The Ettins are gone. Thor sends his thanks. Without you this would not have been possible.
Dr. Jackson: Well, I still think we got kind of lucky.
Gairwyn: I was to give you a message to satisfy your curiosity. They are a race that has visited your world often. They are friend of all, protector of all. Except the Goa'uld with whom they are at war.
Col. O'Neill: That's fine. But I would've still liked to have met the fellow.
Gairwyn: Well like us, he says you are still much too young. As for us, we have much to rebuild. Thor promises to send an Asgard teacher to help us.
Teal'c: So Cimmeria will be a safe world again. That is good.
Gairwyn: I am also to tell you that Thor's new hammer will make the exception for the one named Teal'c. You are welcome here any time.

Message in a Bottle [2.7][edit]

Capt. Carter: Like some sort of booby trap?
Teal'c: [confused] Booby?

Daniel Jackson: You know, I don't think it's the artifact- he gets nervous like that every time he's around you. Maybe a crush.
Graham Simmons: Um, we're recording now.
Capt. Carter: Thank you, Lieutenant.
Daniel Jackson: Oops, hey, the artifact...

Col. O'Neill: Good morning, campers! Sleep well? I did.
Dr. Jackson: Oh, it can't be morning.
Col. O'Neill: Ah, but it is. We ship out at oh, 1300 hours.

Teal'c: Undomesticated equines could not remove me.
Col. O'Neill: It's wild horses, Teal'c... That was a joke... You told a joke. Don't make me laugh.

Family [2.8][edit]

Fro'tak: You are the warriors of the Tau'ri? I am Fro'tak of the High Cliffs.
Col. O'Neill: Jack of the Windy City.

Apophis: I will give one million currency to the Jaffa who brings Teal'c to me alive and another million for the heads of those who are with him.
Col. O'Neill: Well, if you've got a price on your head, you're doing your job.

Col. O'Neill: [Wearing Jaffa armour] No wonder these guys are so cranky! Get me out of this thing.

Secrets [2.9][edit]

Col. O'Neill: You know, I can navigate my way across the galaxy, but I get lost every time I come to Washington.

Col. O'Neill: It's 'O'Neill', with two L's. There's another Col. O'Neil with only one L, and he has no sense of humor at all.
[This is a reference to the 1994 movie Stargate, in which a dour Kurt Russell plays Col. Jonathan "Jack" O'Neil.]

Col. O'Neill: I retired myself one time. Couldn't stay away.
Jacob Carter: From your analysis of deep space radar telemetry...
Col. O'Neill: (flatly) Well it's just so damn fascinating.
Gen. Jacob Carter: I'm sure it is. Otherwise you wouldn't be receiving the Air Medal.
Col. O'Neill: We have our moments. (O'Neill, General Hammond, and Samantha Carter all look at each other and smile) Uh...will you excuse me? We just don't get out of Cheyenne Mountain nearly enough. I'm gonna go grab some air...outside. General, Captain, General...waiter. (as he walks away)

Jacob Carter: But whatever you really analyze in that mountain, deep space or no deep space, it can't be nearly as exciting as the real thing. I'm talking about NASA Sam. I'm talking about you actually going to space someday.

Heru'ur: You dare challenge me?
Col. O'Neill: I was thinking about it.
[Tosses knife through energy barrier into Heru'ur's hand]

Bane [2.10][edit]

General Hammond: Maybourne has been given authorization to take Teal'c under surveillance of his medical team.
Col. O'Neill: General Hammond, request permission to beat the crap out of this man.
[Maybourne looks at Hammond dumbfounded and afraid]

General Hammond: [Hears unusual sound of something hitting against the iris] What is that?
Col. O'Neill: Those are bugs sir! Big! Ugly bugs!

[Teal'c has just given Ally, a young girl, a very powerful Super Soaker water gun. She immediately uses it to squirt Teal'c, and then runs off]
Dr. Jackson: Guess we shouldn't have loaded it.
Teal'c: [pulling out an even bigger Super Soaker] How else would she defend herself? [squirts Daniel, then takes off after Ally]
Dr. Jackson: [wringing the water out of his shirt] Yes. How else.

Ally helping Teal'c: Don't sweat it. [meaning "don't worry about it"]
Teal'c: [covered in perspiration] I cannot prevent it.

Col. O'Neill: Carter, there are bugs on that planet. Big, huge, ugly honkin' bugs!'

The Tok'ra Part 1 [2.11][edit]

Col. O'Neill: You know, in some galaxies this is called "loitering."

Dr. Jackson: We're here to seek the Tok'ra.
Col. O'Neill: Assuming, of course, you are the Tok'ra.
Tok'ra: And if we're not?
Col. O'Neill: Well, I guess we all start shooting. There's blood, death, hard feelings… it'd suck.

Teal'c: Chelnak!
Dr. Jackson: Direct translation: Very cool!

[Jacob is about to die and Hammond and Carter are considering having him become a host to Selmak, which would save his life]
Capt. Carter: Well, believe it or not, we need your help, Dad.
Jacob: What? The Pentagon wants me to deliver a message to God when I get up there?
Gen. Hammond: Not exactly.
Jacob: Well, I don't plan to see the other guy.

Gen. Hammond: They were holding you prisoner, Colonel. Still are holding SG-3 and the rest of your team.
Capt. Carter: Only temporarily Sir. And they thought it was to protect us as much as them.
Col. O'Neill:...Yeah, I didn't buy that one myself, Sir.

The Tok'ra Part 2 [2.12][edit]

Jacob/Selmak: (in a Normal Voice) Apparently, I'm the oldest and wisest among us.
Capt. Carter: Oh, geez.

Spirits [2.13][edit]

SG-11 Xe'ls: It is as I suspected! They intend to deceive our friend, Tonane! It is time to show these Earthlings the power of the Spirits!

Col. O'Neill: Brace yourselves. SG-11 is boppin' around, wavin' their arms, makin' our people disappear.

Dr. Jackson: Jack?
Col. O'Neill: Daniel?
Dr. Jackson: Are you you?
Col. O'Neill: Yeah. You?
Dr. Jackson: What?
Col. O'Neill: Never mind.

Dr. Jackson: Don't shoot! Just let them tend to Xe'ls.
Col. O'Neill: How do I know you're the real Daniel?
Dr. Jackson: …Because.
Col. O'Neill: [shrugs shoulders] …yeah, okay.

Xe'ls: Tekaya, destroy this place!
Dr. Jackson: Wait! You promised to listen.
Xe'ls: What they don't know won't hurt them. Isn't that what your leaders said? Their word means nothing!
Tekaya: As would mine! I gave my word to this one [indicates Jackson] so we could save you.
Xe'ls: Very well. I am listening but nothing might sway me from punishing you.
Col. O'Neill: For what? Showing Tonane who you really are? You've been posing as their gods for crying out loud.
Tekaya: Is that truly what you believe we do? When we drove away the Goa'uld a hundred years ago, we posed as their Spirits to guide and protect them without interferring. And now...
Xe'ls: You have disrupted the harmony between us. In time, they will learn to fear us, take the key, and forge weapons against us.
Dr. Jackson: No. Tonane's people are from this world. Even now they value the natural world above technology.
Col. O'Neill: Trust them. You shouldn't be posing as their gods.
Xe'ls: That still doesn't erase the second transgression.
Col. O'Neill: Fine. I give you my word. We will not try to mine the metal.
Tekaya: Even if we could take your word, your superiors will not be swayed by your oath.
Col. O'Neill: Then don't take my word for it. Shut down your Stargate. That way, no one can come to your world unless you allow it.
Tekaya: (Looking at Xe'ls) Star travel is useless to us. Let's shut down the gate. Our friend Tonane is wise, as is our friend Jack.
Xe'ls: And so he is.

Touchstone [2.14][edit]

Col. O'Neill: We came here in peace, we expect to go in one... piece.

Col. O'Neill: Case of the left hand not knowing what the right foot is doing, sir?

Gen. Hammond: Colonel, I need some documents hand delivered to the Groom Lake Facility.
Col. O'Neill: Are these documents sensitive enough to warrant a three-man team with a Jaffa escort, sir?
Gen. Hammond: Absolutely.

Col. O'Neill: This where you're keepin' the little green men?
Area 51 officer: There are no alien life forms at Area 51.
Col. O'Neill: [to Teal'c] Present company excluded, of course.

Col. Maybourne: Teal'c! It's good to see you well.
Teal'c: In my culture, I would be well within my rights to dismember you.
Col. Maybourne: Well, isn't that...interesting.

Capt. Carter: Now, if we can't track the Touchstone, there may still be a way to track the second Gate on Earth.
Col. O'Neill: Oh, sure! Let's just put out an APB for a huge honkin' two-story metal ring with 39 little pictures all nicely engraved on it.

Gen. Hammond: We're transporting our people across the find something we lost in our own back yard! Incredible!

The Fifth Race [2.15][edit]

Col. O'Neill: Well, this was an intergalactic waste of time!

Col. O'Neill: [annoyed] Daniel, how long do you figure we oughta hang out here and scratch our cosmic heads?

Col. O'Neill: I'm telling you, I am absolutely fine. There is nothing cruvus with me!
[Everyone in the room stares at him]
Col. O'Neill: What?
Dr. Jackson: You just said there's nothing "cruvus" with you.
Col. O'Neill: What? No I didn't.
Dr. Jackson: Yes, you did.
Col. O'Neill: I did not.
Dr. Jackson: Yes, you did.
Col. O'Neill: Didn't.
Dr. Jackson: Did.
Col. O'Neill: Didn't.
Dr. Jackson: Did.
Col. O'Neill: [annoyed] Cruvus?! What is that?!

[Teal'c and Jack are boxing.]
Teal'c: What is the purpose of these gloves, O'Neill?
Col. O'Neill: So we don't hurt each other.
[Teal'c looks at him doubtfully.]
Col. O'Neill: I'll be honest with you, Teal'c, it's so you don't hurt me.
Teal'c: If our purpose is to not cause each other harm, why then are we doing battle, O'Neill?
Col. O'Neill: What can I tell you Teal'c, it's boxing. It's fun, c'mon!
[Jack begins dancing. When Teal'c doesn't move, he stops]:
Col. O'Neill: C'mon Teal'c, you gotta move around a little. You gotta dance!
Teal'c: I am confused, O'Neill. Are we preparing to dance or to do battle?
Col. O'Neill: Teal'c, if you don't move around, you're a sittin' duck. You're a target!
[O'Neill lands a punch on Teal'c, who still is not moving]:
Col. O'Neill: Ha! Like that!
[Teal'c looks down at the spot on his chest where O'Neill hit him, then looks at O'Neill with raised eyebrows]:
Col. O'Neill: I'm sorry, did I hurt you?
Teal'c: I am fine.
Col. O'Neill: Well that's why you gotta move aroun-
[Teal'c hits O'Neill in the head, knocking him over]:
Teal'c: How was that, O'Neill?
Col. O'Neill: That's good...that's...good. But, uh, think about keeping your hands up...Is my nose bleedin'?
Teal'c: You are fine.

Col. O'Neill: Well, apparently I've lost the falatus to speak properly! [pause] That wasn't a joke. I didn't do that on purpose.

Dr. Jackson: Uh, w-well, my translation's a little bit vague, um, I think the circle means 'the place of our legacy'…or it could be 'a piece of our leg', but the first seems to make more sense.

Asgard: You have already taken the first steps towards becoming the Fifth Race.

Col. O'Neill: I'm back.
Dr. Jackson: What happened?
Teal'c: Do you still possess the knowledge of the Ancients?
Col. O'Neill: Nope. Don't remember a thing. [To Daniel] But ya know that meaning-of-life stuff?
[Daniel nods slightly]:
Col. O'Neill: I think we're gonna be alright...

A Matter of Time [2.16][edit]

Col. O'Neill: Look, I know I should know this by now. I swear it'll be the last time I ask. These wormholes we go through, they're not always there, right?
Capt. Carter: No, sir. They can only form between two open gates.
Col. O'Neill: What's with the worm part? The worm thing. I-I don't get that.
Capt. Carter: That's just a metaphor.
Col. O'Neill: Right. I knew that.

Capt. Carter: Do you know anything about quantum gravity?
Teal'c: No.
Capt. Carter: Apparently, neither do I.

[Watching the video feed from the doomed men and women of SG-10, slowed by the time dilation effects of the black hole's gravity]
General Hammond: There's nothing we can do to save them?
Col. O'Neill: They've had it, sir.
General Hammond: You know that for a fact, Colonel?
Col. O'Neill: No, sir, I don't. But have a look at Major Boyd's face. What does that tell you?
General Hammond: Very well. Disengage the Stargate.
Capt. Carter: Sir, by some fluke of Stargate technology, we are witnessing something that the laws of physics say we can't possibly witness.
Col. O'Neill: (angrily) We are witnessing good men dying in slow motion, Captain.
Capt. Carter: (embarrassed) You're right, sir.
General Hammond: Shut it down.

Colonel Cromwell: Man, she is--
Col. O'Neill: Way smarter than we are. I know.

Capt. Carter: Keep your distance, Lieutenant. Sir, for some reason, the warping of our space-time seems to be in advance of the gravitational field rather than as a result of it. It's probably a lensing effect generated by the Stargate itself, but I can't be sure.
Colonel Cromwell:(to Colonel O'Neill) Don't even pretend you understood that.
Col. O'Neill: Oh, yeah. Yeah. We're pulling some major gees now.
Colonel Cromwell: I feel like I put on a couple hundred pounds.
Col. O'Neill: I wasn't going to say anything.

Serpent's Song [2.17][edit]

Col. O'Neill: What do you want?
Apophis: To live.
Col. O'Neill: Can't help you there. That's between you and your god. Oh, wait a minute! You are your god! That's a problem.

Apophis: I am worth far more to you than you will admit.
Col. O'Neill: You tell me what are you worth?
Apophis: Your people, they are still primitive. They will be destroyed.
Col. O'Neill: You don't look like you're up to it.
Apophis: Not me. There is another.
Col. O'Neill: Yeah? Who?
Apophis: There is much you would learn from me, Tau'ri. [breathes heavily] But for that knowledge there is a price.
[Col. O'Neill rolls his eyes.]
Apophis: A new host.
Col. O'Neill: [raises his eyebrows] A host?
Apophis: So that I may live. In exchange for all the knowledge of the Goa'uld. The secrets of star travel, our weapons, our power.
Col. O'Neill: All that…
Apophis: In time, more.
Col. O'Neill: [leans down] Go to hell.
Apophis: A single human life is worth so much you would risk a world?
Col. O'Neill: That's right. That's why they call us the good guys.
[Apophis lies back and exhales.]
Col. O'Neill: Doc, let me know when he dies.

[SG-1 is discussing Sokar]
Col. O'Neill: Which is he?
Dr. Jackson: I don't know, but his portion of Tuat, or the otherworld, was filled with lakes of fire, where the wicked were thrown into as punishment after torture and mutilation.
Col. O'Neill: Hell.
Dr. Jackson: Yeah, basically, he was the original Satan.
Col. O'Neill: Well, isn't that special?

Apophis: Teal'c, there was once a time you would have died for me.
Teal'c: That time is no more.

Col. O'Neill: Holy...buckets.

Holiday [2.18][edit]

[Teal'c and Col. O'Neill have just returned to the SGC through the Stargate]
Gen. Hammond: How did it go?
Teal'c: [in Col. O'Neill's body] It did not go well, Gen. Hammond.
Col. O'Neill: [in Teal'c's body, sarcastically] Ya think?

Col. O'Neill: Describe for me... the dress your sister wore last week when I took her out.
Dr. Jackson: [In Ma'chello's body] I don't have a sister, Jack. And if I did, I wouldn't let you near her.

Ma'chello: [in Daniel's body, speaking to people who ignore him] Hello, friend. I am new to this area. I would like to learn about your culture and customs. Will you teach me? Do you not understand me?
Fred: Spare any change, please?
Ma'chello: Why does no one answer me?
Fred: 'Cause you're strange.
Ma'chello: Am I? Tell me how I am strange.
Fred: Man, you can't be just walking up to people you don't know on the street and talking all weird like that, asking for stuff.
Ma'chello: Isn't that what you are doing?
Fred: Well, yeah, but--
Ma'chello: Then you must be strange as well.
Fred: I been called worse. Sure, I'm strange, too.
Ma'chello: I am called Ma'chello.
Fred: I'm Fred.
Ma'chello: Let us feast together, Fred, and celebrate our strangeness and... new-found friendship.
Fred: On you?
Ma'chello: If that is the custom, we will feast [indicates himself] on me.

Ma'chello: [in Dr. Jackson's body] I do not wish to fight any longer. From now on I only want to eat hamburgers and french fries and ice cream sundaes and I want to be with good people like you, Fred.

Col. O'Neill: [In Teal'c's body] Teal'c, what are you doing?
Teal'c: [In Jack's body] If I am to remain in this body, I must shave my head
Col. O'Neill: [In Teal'c's body] You're making a joke, right?
Teal'c: [In Jack's body] I am not joking.
Col. O'Neill: [In Teal'c's body] Teal'c, you will not shave my head!
Teal'c: [In Jack's body] It is presently my head, O'Neill.
Col. O'Neill: [In Teal'c's body] Teal'c, this is only temporary!
Teal'c: [In Jack's body] And if it is not?
Col. O'Neill: [In Teal'c's body] Just give them a chance to find Daniel, okay? Teal'c, I'm going to see General Hammond. Promise me you won't touch the head until I get back.

Dr. Jackson (in Ma'chello's body): "Why?"
Ma'chello (in Daniel's body): "Why? Because I earned it, that's why. I earned it because I sacrificed my life for you and your people. The least you could do was compensate me with another."
Dr. Jackson (in Ma'chello's body): "What right do you have to judge the value of my life?"
Ma'chello (in Daniel's body): "I have suffered more than anyone should suffer in a lifetime. For 50 years, I fought against the Goa'uld, then I was betrayed by my wife, whom they secretly turned into a host."
Dr. Jackson (in Ma'chello's body): "So was mine. She's still with them."
Ma'chello (in Daniel's body): "At least you still have a planet. And friends. Two billion of my people died rather than surrender me to the Goa'uld."
Dr. Jackson (in Ma'chello's body): "You have made great sacrifices. For that we owe you...gratitude. But it still does not give you the right to take another's life."
Ma'chello (in Daniel's body): "If you had the technology, you would do the same."
Dr. Jackson (in Ma'chello's body): "No, I wouldn't, because then I'd be no better than the Goa'uld."
Ma'chello (in Daniel's body): "I AM NOT A GOA'ULD! I HATE THE GOA'ULD!"
Dr. Jackson (in Ma'chello's body): "The Goa'uld use people as hosts because they think they're better than them. Because they think they deserve it. You're a Goa'uld, Ma'chello. I am nothing but a host to you."
Ma'chello (in Daniel's body): "I am not a Goa'uld."

Capt. Carter: "Colonel?"
Col. O'Neill (in Daniel's body): "I'm here."
Capt. Carter: "How do you feel, physically?"
Col. O'Neill (in Daniel's body): "Peachy."

Dr. Jackson (in Jack's body): "Whoa. What a dream. What happened?"
Capt. Carter: "I don't have time to explain right now, Daniel, just bear with me."
Dr. Jackson (in Jack's body): "Okay."
Col. O'Neill (in Daniel's body): "Hey, Danny-boy."
Dr. Jackson (in Jack's body): "...Jack?!"

Ma'chello: "Thank you. For my holiday."

One False Step [2.19][edit]

Dr. Jackson: Déjà vu.
Teal'c: I am unfamiliar with that term.
Dr. Jackson: It means, "I feel like I've been here before."
Teal'c: That is correct, Daniel Jackson. Yesterday, when we first arrived on this planet.
Dr. Jackson: [Pause] Right. What was I thinking?

Dr. Jackson: Well, I have to admit this is one of the stranger cultures I've ever seen. As far as I can tell, they're communal, but there's very little sign of actual social communication. I haven't seen any tools or signs of a functional civilization.
Col. O'Neill: So they're a little less evolved than we are.
Dr. Jackson: Well, we don't wanna jump to any conclusions. Remember the Nox.
Capt. Carter: And they did build
Col. O'Neill: That's a kind appraisal. What about the UAV?
Dr. Jackson: Well, I've tried everything I know about rudimentary communication, and to be honest, I've had more successful conversations with dogs.
Col. O'Neill: So...
Dr. Jackson: So they're probably a little less evolved than we are.

Dr. Jackson: Can you do me a favor? Could you keep an eye on this plant thing for me?
Teal'c: I will keep both of my eyes on it, Daniel Jackson.

Col. O'Neill: Witness if you will: Squat.

Col. O'Neill: Well, we're not gonna stand around doing nothing.
Dr. Jackson: We're not doing nothing.
Col. O'Neill: You're videotaping a plant.
Dr. Jackson: Well, I think this might be important.
Col. O'Neill: Well, I think you might be losing what's left of your mind.
Dr. Jackson: [Pause] ... What's that supposed to mean?
Col. O'Neill: It means that on a good day, you can be a little flaky.
Dr. Jackson: And on a good day you can be a little ignorant and condescending.
Col. O'Neill: Not condescending. You're obviously misreading a basic philosophical difference in opinion on how to handle a crisis.
Dr. Jackson: Oh, please! We have a-a difference of opinion on just about everything.
Col. O'Neill: Gimme an example.
Dr. Jackson: I dunno, pick something! How about -- how about mythology?
Col. O'Neill: Rumors, lies, fairytales.
Dr. Jackson: [Finally losing it, jumping around in a frustrated circle] Y'see?! See? See? See? See?? See?? Mythology is one of the primary motivations for cultural development!
Col. O'Neill: Maybe it is; what's that got to do with filming a plant?!
Dr. Jackson: Exactly!
Col. O'Neill: What does that mean?!
Dr. Jackson: I don't know!

Dr. Jackson: Y'know I thought the alien on the video looked fairly docile, more curious than harmful.
Col. O'Neill: I thought it looked... bald, white and naked.

Gen. Hammond: So this inaudible sound was making you sick, but not in the same way that it was affecting the aliens? They need the sound to live but we altered it by harming the organism that makes the sound?
Col. O'Neill: Sounds right.

Col. O'Neill: The plant is making that sound?!
Capt. Carter: Sir, it's an alien organism on another planet.
Col. O'Neill: Good point.

[Daniel sneezes] Col. O'Neill: "Bless"

Show and Tell [2.20][edit]

Charlie: Mother says the boys of your culture don't cry.
Col. O'Neill: Not true! In fact there's an official list of reasons for which crying is a good thing.
Charlie: Mother is leaving.
Col. O'Neill: See, that's a good reason. "Mom Leaving" is, I believe, number six on the list of good reasons. Actually, six is "Mom Says She's Leaving in a Couple of Days." Five is "Mom Leaving Immediately." Four, of course, is "Mom Already Left." Three—now, three is huge, one of the biggest ones on the list—

Gen. Hammond: [While examining the monitor blasted by "Mother"] Theories? Suggestions?
Capt. Carter: Seems obvious this Re'tu exists.
Col. O'Neill: Well, here's a question: How do we deal with an invisible threat?
Capt. Carter: We need a way to detect them.
Col. O'Neill: That would be helpful.

Gen. Hammond: [After the teams return from the Re'tu planet] So you would say threat assessment is high... [Turns to O'Neill]
Col. O'Neill: Oh yeah.
Capt. Carter: There were a lot of them, sir.
Teal'c: They are indeed invisible.

1969 [2.21][edit]

Col. O'Neill: This looks suspiciously like the butt end of a Titan missile

[A guard comes to get the SG-1 team.]
Guard: [in Russian] Вы советские шпионы? [Are you Soviet spies?]
Dr. Jackson: [in Russian] Нет. [No.]
Col. O'Neill: Daniel?
Dr. Jackson: He just asked if we were Soviet spies… oh.
Col. O'Neill: Nyet?!

Maj. Thornbird: What was the weapon you used?
Col. O'Neill: [innocently] Weapon?
Maj. Thornbird: Our cameras saw some sort of weapon.
Col. O'Neill: Oh. Well, it's hard to say.
Maj. Thornbird: Some sort of state secret?
Col. O'Neill: No, just difficult to pronounce.

[Jack is being interrogated by a military officer in 1969.]
Maj. Thornbird: I'm Major Robert Thornberg. And you are?
Col. O'Neill: Capt. James T. Kirk, of the Starship Enterprise.
Maj. Thornbird: Your dog tags say otherwise.
Col. O'Neill: They're lying.
[Later, in the same scene.]
Maj. Thornbird: You can either talk to me, or you can talk to the C-I-A.
Col. O'Neill: Hmmmm, Bob, can I call you Bob?
Maj. Thornbird: Even though you will achieve nothing.
Col. O'Neill: Unless that's exactly what we were trying to achieve.
Maj. Thornbird: Kirk, you can talk to me, or you can talk to the C.I.A.
Col. O'Neill:(pretending to be impressed) Ooh. All right. I'll be honest with you, Bob. My name's not Kirk. (pausing for effect) It's Skywalker. Luke Skywalker.

Col. O'Neill: Or…
Capt. Carter: I can't think of an 'or' at the moment, sir.
Dr. Jackson: No 'or'?
Col. O'Neill: There is an 'or'.
Dr. Jackson: There's an 'or'?
Capt. Carter: Sir, you can't just will something to happen because you want it to be a certain way.
Col. O'Neill: Captain, where there's a will, there's an 'or'... way.

Dr. Jackson: So what's the plan?
Col. O'Neill: Find the Stargate.
Dr. Jackson: Find the Stargate? That's the plan?
Col. O'Neill: Elegant in its simplicity, don't you think?

Dr. Jackson: We'll go in disguise; pretend to be foreigners.
Col. O'Neill: How are you going to do that?
Dr. Jackson: Well, I speak twenty-three different languages. Pick one.

[SG-1 has traveled back in time and Carter has been adamant they cannot reveal they are from the future.]
Hippie: I'm Michael.
Teal'c: I am not at liberty to reveal my identity.
Hippie: Far out!

Col. O'Neill: It's true, Michael. We came to Earth to hide among your people a long, long time ago.
Dr. Jackson: From a galaxy far, far away.

Michael: So your thing, that thing, on your forehead; what's it symbolize? Peace?
Teal'c: Slavery, to false gods.
Michael: Right on. So it's made out of...?
Teal'c: Do not discuss it further.
Michael: I dig. It's cool. [pause] So you just go AWOL?
[Stare from Teal'c]
Michael: Hey, we're cool. After the concert me and Jenny, we're even thinking about crossing the border up to Canada.
Teal'c: For what reason?
Michael: You know, man… the war.
Teal'c: The war with Canada?
Michael: ... No.

Out Of Mind [2.22][edit]

Hathor: [appears from out of nowhere] Silence!
Col. O'Neill: Oh, I was so hoping never to see you again.

Col. O'Neill: [To Hathor] You know…you really should do something about the breath.

Hathor: (in a female voice) How do I contact the Asgard so that we may align ourselves with them?
Col. O'Neill: Roswell, it's a little place in New Mexico.