- The American arrives in Paris with a few French phrases he has culled from a conversational guide or picked up from a friend who owns a beret.
- What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement?
- California is a fine place to live — if you happen to be an orange.
- Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
- You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a firefly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart.
- I have just returned from Boston. It is the only sane thing to do if you find yourself up there.
- When I was a boy, I said, 'Daddy, take me to the zoo.' My father said, 'Son, when the zoo wants you, they'll come and get you'.
- A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
- Advertising is 85 percent confusion, and 15 percent commission.
- I grew up in a small town in Maine that was so dull, one day the tide went out and never came back.