The House (2017 film)

From Wikiquote
Jump to navigation Jump to search

The House is a 2017 American comedy film about a couple who open an underground casino in their friend's house in order to pay for their daughter's college tuition.

Directed by Andrew J. Cohen. Written by Andrew J. Cohen and Brendan O'Brien.
If you can't beat the house, be... The House.(taglines)

Scott Johansen

  • Eat her fucking face off, Martha!

Kate Johansen

  • [Scott and Kate hold up their weapons to intimidate a bad driver] Wrong couple to fuck with, pal!

Frank Theodorakis

  • Are you guys familiar with the cliché, "It's a cliché because it's true? Well, that cliché about clichés being true has never been more true than right now with the cliché, the house always wins."


Joe: [gestures to the feminine sunglasses Scott is wearing] Are those women's sunglasses?
Scott Johansen: No, they're Italian.
Joe: [gesturing to the thin long cigarette Scott is smoking] Well, that's a woman's cigarette - that's nice.
Scott Johansen: No - also Italian. Italian sunglasses, Italian cigarettes.
Joe: Okay. Ciao!

[Carl shows his crooked middle finger to Frank]
Carl Shackler: Remember me, motherfucker?
Frank Theodorakis: Wow, that looks great.
[Tommy points his revolver at him]
Carl Shackler: Hey, dickfuck. You're not gonna like Tommy. He doesn't cut off fingers, he cuts off heads.
Tommy Papouli: Shut up.

Tommy Papouli: Where's the money?
Frank Theodorakis: We just got robbed.
Scott Johansen: Yeah.
Frank Theodorakis: Look, the saves are all empty.
Tommy Papouli: Do you know how many times I see someone point to any empty safe and say we have no money?
Frank Theodorakis: A hundred?
Scott Johansen: 500?
Frank Theodorakis: 30,000.
Tommy Papouli: It's rhetorical, fuckstick.
Frank Theodorakis: Okay.
Tommy Papouli: Shut up. This your daughter?
Scott Johansen: Where? Who, her?
Tommy Papouli: Right here.
Scott Johansen: That's such a compliment. This is my wife.
Kate Johansen: Alex?
Scott Johansen: In fact, there's our daughter.
Kate Johansen: There she is. Hello, daughter.
Scott Johansen: Hi, honey.
Kate Johansen: Don't overthink it, just be our daughter.
Scott Johansen: Come right here.
Rachel: I'm not your daughter, that's your--
[Scott pushes her into a desk and she screams]
Scott Johansen: Sorry, Rachel!
Tommy Papouli: The fuck's the matter with you?
Scott Johansen: What?
Tommy Papouli: Shoving a girl like that?
Scott Johansen: We are strict diciplinarians in our household.
Tommy Papouli: Get out of my way. I know this is your daughter.
[takes Alex by the arm]
Alex Johansen: Mom!
Scott Johansen: No, no, no!
[Tommy handcuffs himself to her]
Tommy Papouli: Cuff her.
Scott Johansen: Sweetie.
Alex Johansen: Mom.
Kate Johansen: Honey.
Scott Johansen: No.
Frank Theodorakis: Wait, no. Take me, not her.
Tommy Papouli: No. No one cares if you die.
Frank Theodorakis: Oh, thank god.
Tommy Papouli: Help 'em find the money. Oh, and hey... 300 grand. Or you'll never see your daughter again.
Alex Johansen: Mom! Dad! Help!
Carl Shackler: [raises his crooked middle finger at Scott, Kate, and Frank] Fuck you.
Alex Johansen: Help!
Carl Shackler: Fuck you.
Alex Johansen: Let go of me.




  • A hilarious high-stakes jackpot!
Wikipedia has an article about: