The Life and Times of Juniper Lee
The Life and TImes of Juniper Lee (2005–2007), was an American animated television series. The series centers on the life of a preteen girl, named Juniper Lee. The magic and human worlds have been separated by a magical barrier, preventing ordinary humans from seeing any magic-related events or the creatures related to them. Juniper has recently been made the new Te Xuan Ze, which gives her the responsibility of maintaining the balance between the human and magic worlds. The show has a fairly campy take on the genre, and at times often makes fun of itself. Being a Te Xuan Ze is not easy for Juniper. She has to postpone what she likes doing the most just to save the world.
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It's Your Party and I'll Whine If I Want To [1.1]
- Juniper Lee: Sorry we're late.
- Jody Irwin: You're always late.
- Juniper Lee: I know.
- Juniper Lee: Your mother hired a clown?
- Jody Irwin: It was the pony, the magician, or the clown.
- Ophelia Ramírez: Ah, the lesser of three evils.
- Ophelia Ramírez: One, there's no music. Two, if there was music, I wouldn't like it. Three, no.
I've Got My Mind on My Mummy and My Mummy on My Mind [1.2]
- June: Ray-Ray.......what did you do?
- Ray-Ray: What?
- June: What did you do?
- Ray-Ray: Nothing.......
- June: Nothing? we've got 40 pounds of slug in our toilet.........what did you do?!
- Cult: What's that?
- June: That’s my dog, and he’s showing us the way out. Ya ready to go bubba?
- Cult: Sure!
- June: Good. 'Cause it’s go-time.
It Takes a Pillage [1.3]
- Jody is possessed by a Viking spirit
- Jody Irwin: Give me the medallion, you milk-livered runt!
- Juniper Lee: Runt?! I've got two inches on you!
New Trickster in Town [1.4]
- Thor: "ordering pity party of one please, your table is ready, tonights special is an oven roasted fillet of poor me, served on a delightful bed of cry me a river."
- Juniper: "Thanks for all your help. I hope we did not interupt anything."
- Thor: "Well, just book club. But it's ok,"...whispering: "I hadn't read it yet anyway, don't tell anybody."
Not in My Backyard [1.5]
- June: Ray-Ray, what did you do?
- Ray Ray: (laughs) Relax. When I tell you, you're gonna laugh, I swear!
- June: Ray Ray!
- Ray Ray: Okay, you know those cyclone monkeys you got locked up in your room?
- June: Yeah?
- Ray Ray: Well, not so much locked up anymore.
- (Ray Ray opens the door to show the cyclone monkeys loose, causing havoc)
- June: Oh, man!
- Ray Ray: It wasn't my fault! You should label those boxes you keep them in.
- June: (picks up the box) It is labeled! "Cyclone Monkeys! Danger! DO NOT OPEN!!"
- Ray Ray: You see, that's kinda vague.
- Ray Ray: We should get a dog!
- Barbara Lee: Ray Ray!
- Michael Lee: You seem to have forgotten Monroe.
- Barbara Lee: Yes, sweetie, we have a dog.
- Ray Ray: (silently) I was hoping for one who didn't talk back so much.
- (Barbara stares, Juniper kicks Ray Ray in the shin):
- Ray Ray: Ow! Uh, I mean, Monroe is June's dog. I want one of my own.
- Dennis: If he gets a dog, I'm getting a snake.
- June: Yeah, well, if Dennis gets a snake, I wanna get my ears pierced again.
- Michael Lee: Hey! No snakes, one set of holes in your ears is plenty, and we have a dog!
- Ray Ray: If I get my grades up, then can I have a dog?
- Barbara Lee: (pauses) What's wrong with your grades?
- June: Smooth.
- Ray Ray: Nothing! I just mean...going from the straight A's I'm getting to A-pluses! You know, kickin' out hardcore!
- Michael Lee: Atta boy, Ray Ray! Glad to hear you're getting excited about learning.
- (Ray Ray is tossing appliances, toys, and sporting goods in the Batoot's mouth)
- Ray Ray: Yeah!
- June: Ray Ray, stop that! He's a monster, not a landfill.
Enter Sandman [1.6]
- (June, Ray Ray, and Dennis are practicing their musical act for the school's talent show):
- Juniper Lee: Hold on, hold on. Ahh! My guitar's out of tune.
- Dennis: Trust me, Van Halen, it's not the guitar.
- Juniper Lee: Hey, at least I can keep the beat. There's dead people who can keep time better than you.
- Dennis: Oh, yeah? Well, Ray-Ray doesn't even know which song we're playing.
- Ray Ray: Dude, I go where the music takes me. (he drums)
- Juniper Lee: Come on. Tryouts for the talent show are tomorrow. Can we please try and get through one song?
- Ray Ray: Dude! Roger is a musical genius!
- Juniper Lee: Yeah, but look at Mr. Roskins. He hates everything.
- Dennis: Oh, what do you care what some old geezer thinks.
- Juniper Lee: He's the judge.
- Dennis: So?
- Juniper Lee: He decides which acts get in the show.
- Dennis: So?
- Juniper Lee: If he doesn't like us, we don't get in.
- Dennis: In what?
- Juniper Lee: I cannot believe we're related.
- Ray Ray: We rule!
- Juniper Lee: Hmph. That was weird.
- Dennis: No, it's not. We got in off our reputation.
- Juniper Lee: Reputation? Mom and Dad are the only ones who've heard us play, and they made us soundproof the basement! We stink!
- Dennis: You stink. I carry both of your no-talent butts.
- Juniper Lee: You play bass, Dennis. It's a miracle anyone even notices you.
Ding Dong, the Witch Ain't Dead [1.7]
- June: Please tell me this isn't happening. (bracelet rings) Oh. Okay, okay! I get it! It's happening!
I'll Get By with a Little Help from My Elf [1.8]
- (After Juniper gets grounded)
- Monroe: AAAAAH! You didn't think it was a wee bit suspicious he was helping you for absolutely no reason at all?!
- Juniper Lee: He's a helper elf! He had a badge!
- Monroe: (points to Ray-Ray) This one had a t-shirt that says "Rock Star", you don't see me asking for his autograph!
- Ray Ray: That's 'cause it costs a dollar.
- Monroe: Well, congratulations on being the first Te Xuan Ze forbidden to fight monsters by her parents.
The World According to L.A.R.P. [1.9]
Magic Takes a Holiday [1.10]
- Ophelia: Okay, listen up, people, I'm makin' a few changes here. (Rolls out "Stalk the Rocksical" banner)
- Ophelia: Terrence, Melissa.... You were cast as Jack and the Princess? Heh. Yeah, we've decided to go another way. Now you're the cow! (Melissa audibly gasps) Oh and MELISSA, take the BACK-half.
- Melissa: Guh, you can't-!
- Ophelia: Jody, YOU'RE the new princess. (Jody shrieks out with joy) Ray Ray, you're gonna be the goose.
- Ophelia: (after Roger interrupts) Roger! For the tenth time, you are not in this scene.
- Roger: But I've only got two lines at the end of the play. I just run out and scream, "Power to the beans! Power to the beans!"
- Ophelia: And if you come in early one more time, I'm gonna cut it down to NO lines. Comprende? Bikers, you're killing me here. You're absolutely killing me. You're the vicious scourge of the road. Let me see some grip. And grim reaper, you're supposed to be the bringer of death. Hello?! When you come out on that stage, I want that audience DEAD. Get it? DEAD! (calmly) But I must say I think it was your best effort yet. Take five. BUT ONLY FIVE!
- June: It's Edipan, you idiots. You're supposed to be on vacation!
- Dimitri: I don't observe Edipan.
- Hench-yeti: He's not crazy about Labor Day either.
Take My Life. Please [1.11]
- Ashley: Hey, that is such a cool shirt. It looks really cute on you!
- Ray Ray: Dude. I am never taking this off.
- Monroe: I hate to break it to ya, lad, but you never do. You're like Charlie Brown.
- June: I've got like 300 episodes of The Powerpuff Girls on tape and tons of other stuff to do and... [to the TV] Get 'em, Bubbles! [to Ah-Mah on the phone] I'll call you later, 'kay? Bye!