Jump to content

The Mask (film)

From Wikiquote
(Redirected from The Mask)

The Mask is a 1994 action comedy film starring Jim Carrey, released in the United States on 29 July 1994, it co-starred Cameron Diaz, in her screen debut. Directed by Chuck Russell, it is based on a series of comic books published by Dark Horse Comics.

From zero to hero

Stanley Ipkiss/The Mask

[edit]
Wait, I can explain everything!
Our love is like a red, red rose... and I am a little thorny.
  • Ssssssssssssssssssssssssssmokin!
  • It's party time! P-A-R-T-whY? Because I gotta!
  • [after being flattened onto the road] Look, Ma, I'm roadkill! Ha ha ha!
  • [acting as a balloon salesman to a group of thugs] Step right up here! Don't be shy! Nobody likes a bashful leather head! [Pause] MOVE IT! [the thugs approach him] For my first trick...I'll do something for you, son. [makes a giraffe-shaped balloon] We have a giraffe. [Offers it to a thug] There you go, son. Now get out of here. You bother me. Now...[pulls out what appears to be a used condom] Sorry, wrong pocket. For you, son. Little body English. [makes a poodle-shaped balloon] A French poodle. [Rips it apart before the thug can take it] Sorry, son. The dog was rabid. Had to put her down. And, last but not least, my favorite. [makes a gun-shaped balloon, which transforms into a rather rubbery submachine gun. He aims it at the thugs] A Tommy gun!! [as the thugs run away. the Mask shoots at them while laughing manically]
  • This is incredible. With these powers, I could be...A SUPERHERO! I could fight crime, protect the innocent, work for World Peace! But first...
  • Hold onto your lugnuts — it's tiiiiime for an overhaul!!!
  • Hold on, sugar! Daddy's got a sweet tooth tonight!
  • Sssomebody stop me!
  • Uh-oh...can't make the scene if you don't have the green; I better make a little stop.
  • [After robbing the bank, to Dorian's henchmen] Sorry, fellas. Waste not, want not.
  • Let's rock this joint!
  • [In a French accent] Hello, cheri. We meet again. Is it fate? Is it meant to be? Is it written in the stars that we are destined to fraternize? I'D LIKE TO THINK SO! HA HA HAA!
  • (After being kicked in the groin by Tina; in a high-pitched voice) She is so coy. (normal voice) I LOVE IT!
  • Our love is like a red, red rose... and I am a little thorny.
  • Hold me closer, Ed, it's getting dark... [coughs] Tell Auntie Em to let Old Yeller out... [coughs]...tell Tiny Tim I won't be coming home this Christmas... [coughs]...tell Scarlett I do give a damn! (coughs on thug, a fart is heard) Pardon me... [he dies, an audience appears and gives the Mask a standing ovation while The Mask is handed an Oscar acting award] Thank you! You love me! You really love me!
  • Did you miss me? I GUESS NOT!
  • Now you have to ask yourself one question: "Do I feel lucky?" WELL, DO YA... PUNKS?!
  • THAT'S A SPICY MEATBALL!!!
    • In an Italian accent, using a line from an Alka-Seltzer advertisement, after swallowing a bomb, then belching out the explosion
  • This guy's incorrigible.
  • You were good, kid, real good. But as long as I'm around, you'll always be second-best, see?
  • Thank ya very much!

Dorian Tyrell

[edit]
  • Ice this deadbeat!
  • 50 grand. 50 grand to the man who finds that green-faced son of a bitch before the cops do. I want you to get the word out to every street hustler, to every lowlife in this town. I want him in here tomorrow, alive. You still here? Come on, let's go!
  • I'm just an ex-employee, who's come for his back pay. Or should I say, PAYBACK!
  • Ladies and gentlemen, I'll be your host for the remainder of the evening.

Peggy Brandt

[edit]
  • Do you know how hard it is to find a decent man in this town ? Most of them think monogamy is some kind of wood!
  • I'm sorry, Stanley. You really are a great guy, I just can't afford to lose my condo. You know how hard it is to afford an apartment in this city.

Charlie Schumaker

[edit]
  • [sees Tina enter; to Stanley] Hold the phone. Killer at ten o'clock.
  • Officers, arrest those men! ...I always wanted to say that.

Dialogue

[edit]
Mrs. Peenman: Ipkiss, do you have any idea what time it is?
Stanley Ipkiss: [exasperatedly] Actually, no.
Mrs. Peenman: [gasps; Stanley steps off carpet] My new carpet! Well, this is coming right out of your security, Ipkiss!
Stanley Ipkiss: You know what Mrs. Peenman?
Mrs. Peenman: WHAT?!
Stanley Ipkiss: [pauses] Nothing.
Mrs. Peenman: Well, that's what you are, Ipkiss, A BIG NOTHING! [slams the door behind her]
Stanley Ipkiss: "Aren't you due back at the lab to get your bolts tightened?!" [to himself] I should've said that.
Alley Punk: Hey, mister! You got the time?
The Mask: As a matter of fact I do, Cubby. [pulls a watch out of his pocket] Look at that! It's exactly two seconds before I honk your nose and pull your underwear over your head! [A strong tick is heard, Mask honks punk's nose and pulls his underwear over his head]
Bobby: Uh, are you on the list?
The Mask: Nooooo. But I believe my friends are. Perhaps you know them. [He takes fistfuls of high denomination cash out of his pocket] Franklin, Grant, and... J-J-J-Jackson?
[After the Mask jumps out of the window. He lands on the street with a SPLAT, and peels his head off the pavement]
The Mask: Look, Ma! I'm roadkill! Ha Ha Ha!
[he peels himself fully off the street, and inflates himself back to normal. A cab driver honks at him]
Driver: Hey, get out of the road!
The Mask: [to the viewer] I think he wants to communicate! [The Mask holds up a tiny horn that says "Squeeze me gently". He does so, blowing it at the driver. The horn unleashes a deafeningly-loud "AH-OOOOOOOOOOO-GAH!" and explodes the car's windows with its volume. The horn turns into it's normal size and the Mask blows on the end like a gun, dusts himself and leaves.]
'Dorian Tyrell: SON OF A BITCH [throws the cigarette lighter over the wall mirror, smashing the screen to pieces; to Eddie] Eddie, who did this, man?! WHO!!?
Eddie: [pointing to The Mask] Him! Him! Look, that's — that's the guy!
Dorian Tyrell: That guy dancin' with Tina? He's dead meat. Come on!
Dorian Tyrell: Okay, Twinkle-Toes, I wanna know where my money is and I wanna know right now!
The Mask: Okay. [puts on a green eyeshade and sticks a cigarette in his mouth before pulling out an accounting machine] You've got 17.5% in T-bills amortized over the fiscal year. 8% in stocks and bonds. Carry the nine, divide by the gross national product. Fortunately, funeral bouquets are deductible!
Dorian Tyrell: [to Orlando] Ice this deadbeat!
Orlando: [begins shooting, which the mask easily dodges]
Dorian Tyrell: Shoot him!
The Mask: [turns into a matador] Toro! [turns into a cossack] Oy!Oy!Oy!Oy! [turns into Elvis] Thank you very much. Huh! Huh! [turns into a cowboy, who draws before his gun is shot out of his hand. A squish is heard] Ugh, ya got me partner. [walks towards Dorian and Orlando, while making weird noises, before collapsing in Orlando's arms] Hold me closer, Ed, it's getting dark... [coughs] Tell Auntie Em to let Old Yeller out... [coughs]...tell Tiny Tim I won't be coming home this Christmas... [coughs]...tell Scarlett I do give a damn! (coughs on thug, a fart is heard) Pardon me... [he "dies", an audience appears and gives the Mask a standing ovation while The Mask is handed an Oscar] Thank you! You love me! You really love me!
[The Mask is being searched by the police]
Doyle: Really big sunglasses...
Park Policeman: Bike horn...
Doyle: Small mouth bass...
Park Policeman: Bowling pin...
Doyle: [yelps in pain] Mouse trap...
Park Policeman: Rubber chicken...
The Mask: A little to the left... that's it.
Doyle: [squeezes a stress reliever toy a few times] I don't know... funny eyeball glasses?
The Mask: I've never seen those before in my life.
Park Policeman: Bazooka…
The Mask: I have a permit for that.
Doyle: Picture of Kellaway's wife...
Kellaway: What?
The Mask: Uh oh...
Kellaway: [sees his wife on the photo, wearing a black nightgown] MARGARET! YOU SON OF A BITCH!!!
The Mask: Jeez, I figured you had a sense of humor. After all... YOU MARRIED HER!!!
[Kellaway screams angrily; The Mask rapidly slaps the sides of his and Doyle's faces.]
The Mask: That's gotta hurt! [makes weird sound then whizzes off.]
Kellaway: GET HIM! [discovers he's now handcuffed to Doyle.] Doyle!
Doyle: Aw, come on, Lieutenant. It's not all your fault. Something would turn up.
Kellaway: [sarcastically] Sure, Stanley Ipkiss is gonna fall right into my lap. [falls when Stanley falls on him, then tears the tape off Stanley's mouth]
Stanley Ipkiss: OW!
Kellaway: Ipkiss!
Stanley Ipkiss: Wait, I can explain everything!
Kellaway: Oh, yeah? You can explain everything? [finds a green rubber mask] Explain this.
Stanley Ipkiss: Um...
Kellaway: Get him up! Come on, let’s go; I got a cell for you, pal!!
The Mask: [To Tina; in French accent] Cigarette? No? [He puffs out smoke in the shape of a heart, then snorts an arrow through it] Now, like Napoleon, I will, divide and conquer.
Kellaway: Ipkiss! Police!
The Mask: Merde.
Kellaway: Freeze! [The Mask literally freezes] Put your hands up!
The Mask: [with teeth clenched] But you told me to freeze!
Kellaway: All right, all right, un-freeze. [The Mask defrosts and falls to the ground] You're under arrest.
The Mask: [Desperate voice] No! It wasn't me! It was the one-armed man! [gets up, in normal voice] All right, I confess! I did it, ya hear? And I'm glad, glad I tell ya! [begs on the ground] What are they gonna do to me, Sarge? What are they gonna do?!
Kellaway: [slaps handcuffs on The Mask] Sorry, son, that's not my department. Search him! [The Mask is pulled up and his [endless] pockets are searched]
The Mask: Ow! Where's a camcorder when ya need one? [snorty laugh]
[Dorian has just donned the Mask]
Dorian Tyrell: What a rush!
Eddie: Whoa, boss! You OK?
Dorian Tyrell: Better than ever, you idiot.
Eddie: What do we do with Ipkiss?
Dorian Tyrell: The police are looking for The Mask. So we'll give them The Mask. (He laughs evilly)
Orlando: [delivering Stanley] Hey, boss. Look who decide to crash the party.
Stanley: Hey, Dorian. How's it goin'?
Dorian Tyrell: Bring him up here!
Tina: Dorian, wait. No!
Dorian: Ugh, there's no time for last request.
Tina: But all I wanted was a kiss.
Dorian: A kiss?
Tina: Just one last kiss?
Eddie: Dorian, I can't shut this thing off.
Dorian Tyrell: There is always time... for one last kiss!
[Prepares to kiss Tina demonically]
Tina: No. I want it to be with the real Dorian. The one I used to love. No one's ever kissed me like Dorian Tyrell.
Eddie: [shouting] Romeo, this whole place is gonna blow any minute!
Dorian Tyrell: [yells; eyes glow red] JUST WAIT!...I've decided...[Dorian removes mask and reverts to his human self] to give her one last thrill.
[Dorian and Tina kiss passionately. Tina takes advantage of distraction to kick the mask towards Stanley]
Dorian Tyrell: I'm gonna take you apart! [he punches Stanley]
Stanley Ipkiss: Well, I hope you can enjoy the victory with one friggin' eye! [he pokes Dorian in the eye and punches him across the face]
[Kellaway and Doyle attempt a 2nd arrest on Stanley; bumps into Mayor Tilton]
Kellaway: Watch it, chunky! [Realizes who he’s talking to] Mayor Tilton, I'm so....
Mayor Tilton: What the hell's goin' on, Kellaway?
Kellaway: That man is the Mask.
Mayor Tilton: No, Dorian Tyrell was the Mask. I saw it with my own eyes. This young man just saved our lives.
Charlie: With a little help from his friends.
Mr. Dickey: Ipkiss, we have a crisis on our hands here and you stroll in over an hour late? If I have to put up with your slovenly behavior...
Stanley: BACK OFF, Monkey Boy!!! Before I tell your daddy you're running this place like it's your own personal piggy bank. Or maybe we should call the IRS, and see if we can arrange a little vacation for you at Club FED!!!!!!!!!
Mr. Dickey: [shocked from being told off by his employee] That'll be all, Ipkiss.

Taglines

[edit]
  • From zero to hero.
  • Splendiiiiide!

Cast

[edit]
[edit]
Wikipedia
Wikipedia
Wikipedia has an article about:
Retrieved from "https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=The_Mask_(film)&oldid=3623903"