The Mentalist (season 2)

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The Mentalist (2008–2015) is an American crime procedural television series, airing on CBS, about a private investigator who uses his skills of observation to help the police solve crimes.

Redemption [2.1][edit]

[Bosco has been given the Red John case]
Jane: What do you know about the case?
Bosco: Not much. He's a serial killer, 15 victims, including your wife and child. I can imagine your pain. Maybe that pain is clouding your judgment.
Jane: Well... [He leaves the room]
Lisbon: And me, Sam? What's clouding my judgment?
Bosco: Good question. You tell me.
[Talking about the aftermath of Jane solving a case]
Minelli: A dead suspect, quarter-million dollars worth of damages, formal complaints of misconduct from the SPD and the Modesto city council!
Lisbon: Those damages were way padded.
Minelli: [to Jane] Ever since the Tanner incident, you've been runnin' way too hot. I fear a terminal screw up is coming.
Lisbon: That's not gonna happen. I can handle him.
Minelli: Can you? Maybe since he saved your life, you're going easy on him. Maybe you feel compelled to cut him some slack.
Lisbon: No, sir. That is absolutely not the case.
Jane: Candice, take my advice. Forgive your mother. Maybe the headaches will stop.
Candice: I love my mother.
Jane: Oh, I'm wrong. Ignore my advice.
[Jane's meeting with Bosco]
Jane: Well, I'm not gonna lie. I'm not happy I'm off the Red John case. You might be right. Here's the thing Sam, if I may. I know this case. I can be a very good resource for you if we could just come to some kind of understanding.
Bosco: You want me to keep you up-to-date on the case?
Jane: Yeah... sure.
Bosco: Tell you about fresh leads and so?
Jane: Yeah, let's just keep an open line of communication.
Bosco: Let me communicate this to you. You're a party entertainer. A clown. Fresh leads? I wouldn't tell you where the bathroom is if your ass was on fire.
Jane: [laughs]
Bosco: Do we have a good understanding now?
Jane: I understand you. It may take you some time to understand me.
Bosco: You're filled with equal parts of self-loathing and self-love. You're addicted to control, you're terrified of confinement. Your wife wanted you to quit psychic trade. She begged you to stop. But you were making too much money, you were having too much fun, you can still hear her pleading with you. How am I doing?
Jane: You read the interviews in my case file. You can read. Very impressive.
Bosco: Look, Patrick. I'm sorry for being so blunt with you. You're not a detective. You're a victim. (leaves)
Cho: Yeah, the door was open.
Rigsby: Uh, no, it wasn't.
Jane: AHA! Of course.
Cho: What?
Jane: Rigsby, you're right. You shouldn't be here. Let us take this. You go find the nearest library.
Rigsby: Why?
Jane: Your punishment for being a wuss is I'm not gonna tell you.
Rigsby: Oh, come on.
Jane: Nope, I'm not gonna tell you.
Jane: You're glad Bosco has the Red John case, aren't you?
Lisbon: Bosco is a good agent. He's as good as they come. It might not be such a bad thing that we're off the case for a while. We got too close.
Jane: Is that what your shrink tells you?
Lisbon: Everybody tells me that.
Jane: But your shrink did tell you that, didn't he?
Lisbon: Who's Miles Thorsen?
Jane: No one in particular.
Lisbon: This is what I'm talking about.
Jane: Oh. No, me too. You want no fuss, no mess, right? I am casting a wide, invisible net, the killer won't even know he's in it until it's too late.
Lisbon: Miles Thorsen is an invisible net?
Jane: Yes, he is.
Lisbon: No secrets, Jane. No lies, no tricks, no surprises. The truth.
Jane: Since when is that the rule?
Lisbon: Since I said so.
Jane: Or else what?
Lisbon: You're off the unit.
Jane: That's not leverage. This is my last case, remember. The only reason I'm still here is because I'm worried about how you guys would cope without me.
Lisbon: Oh, really? So we're lost without you, are we?
Jane: Well, yeah. Let's be honest here.
[Lisbon slams the car door shut right in front of Jane and gets in with Rigsby and Grace]
Lisbon: Let's go!
Lisbon: You're leaving?
Jane: Well, frankly if I can't use this job to seek some kind of personal revenge then, uh, there's not a whole lot here for me. I don't make anything better. I can't bring dead people back to life. What good do we do? We drive around California visiting unhappy people.
Grace: We're fighting evil and injustice.
Jane: And how's that going? Any progress lately?
Cho: We put bad guys away where they can't hurt people. That's good enough.
Jane: Nah. I was doing more good as a psychic. I was giving people hope at least. False hope, but hope anyway.
Lisbon: You're right. Best you leave. That way you can go back to being a full-time fraud and we can continue our useless jobs in peace.
Jane: Can I please continue working with you?
Lisbon: I thought you were quitting.
Jane: You know I didn't mean that.
Lisbon: So the job is worthwhile, is it?
Jane: Uh, it's not that. I mean, it' not that at all. It's just... I have nothing else to do.
Lisbon: No jokes. From now, there have to be boundaries.
Jane: Agreed.
Lisbon: I need to know that you can do your work and be effective without creating a mess that I have to clean up.
Jane: No mess, I swear.
Lisbon: On that basis, you can remain with the unit.
Jane: Thank you. [He hugs her]
Lisbon: How did it go with Bosco?
Jane: Good. It was, uh, it was very good. We had a frank exchange of views.
Lisbon: So he's gonna keep us in the loop?
Jane: No.
Lisbon: No?
Jane: Wouldn't direct me to the bathroom if my ass was on fire.

The Scarlet Letter [2.2][edit]

[After Minelli has reprimanded the team]
Jane: Well, I thought that went pretty well.
Lisbon: Great, yeah.
Jane: Highlight for me was definitely your speech. Passionate, articulate, strong.
Lisbon: Whatever
Lisbon: Sir, Crew and Batson manipulated us into arresting the wrong person. They bugged our offices and subverted our case. I don't think we did anything wrong. I think we should be commended.
Minelli: [nods to Jane] Congratulations. You finally got her to drink the kool-aid.
[Lisbon is in therapy]
Dr. Carmen: Do you know why counselling is mandatory for CBI agents who've been involved in a shooting?
Lisbon: Because nobody would come if it was voluntary?
[Jane and the others have used a corpse to get a confession]
Jane: We got a confession.
Minelli: Suppose you didn't. Suppose you'd been wrong. Have you any idea of the vastness of the the crap storm that would follow? It would blot out the sun.
Jane: It's lovely to meet you, doc. You're a horse's ass, but you mean well.
Jane: [Points to Dr. Steiner with a stick] And I can see what you're thinking right now.
Dr. Steiner: Uh, I was thinking that you, sir, are a bumptious fool, and I was wondering exactly what training in forensic pathology you have.
Jane: Ah, but right before that, you were wondering whether you would choose Lisbon or Van Pelt as your concubine in that little fantasy kingdom you like to go to sometimes.
Dr. Steiner: I...I do not.
Lisbon: Shall I recap the case, sleepyhead?
Jane: Kristin Marley, Lady Senator's aide, rumored romance with the senator's husband.
Lisbon: Very good.
Jane: Oh, I trained myself to hear and take in information while asleep.
Lisbon: The others told you?
Jane: Yes, they did.
Jane: [Lying on the couch] Wow. There's a stain on the ceiling that looks like Elvis, but today it looks more like a basset hound.
Cho: [Dry] Someone call the media, it's a miracle.
Lisbon: You are taking over the McAdoo interview.
Grace: I'm totally ready for that. I can get him to confess to this.
Lisbon: Yeah. Maybe. Main thing is you keep him there long enough for us to search his car. Be friendly. He thinks he is a player. He'll live it up.
Grace: What do you mean, "be friendly"?
Lisbon: Need a map?
Minelli: How did the Batson interview go?
Jane: Oh, that was very exciting.
Minelli: [To Lisbon] What did he do?
Lisbon: Nothing that can't be repaired.
Rigsby: You have any plans for tonight?
Grace: Home. TV.
Rigsby: Well...have fun.
Grace: You too. [Leaves the room]
Cho: [to Rigsby] You're gonna die alone.
Minelli: You abused a corpse to get a confession.
Jane: Used. Used a corpse. There's no "ab".

Red Badge [2.3][edit]

Jane: I didn’t see it. Of course.
Lisbon: What?
Jane: He’s in love with you.
Lisbon: Don’t be silly.
Jane: I know, hard to fathom, but... uh, there’s no accounting for taste, is there?
Lisbon: [throws a bags of donuts at Jane] Hush.
Minelli: Your finger print is on the magazine of the murder weapon. Tell me why I souldn't be throwing up in the bathroom right now?
Lisbon: It's a lab error. It must be. They're overworked and underfunded. This happened last year with the L.A.P.D. Just have them retest it. Come on! You don't think I did this?
Minelli: What I think is, I'm up to my asterisk in political quicksand.
Bosco: You know, for a cop, you made a very convincing lunatic. Jane must be proud.
Lisbon: Maybe it's not good police work, but I have to confess, I enjoyed it. Letting loose for once.
Bosco: Look, I'm glad you got cleared.
Lisbon: I'm sorry that we couldn't let you in on the plan.
Bosco: You could have, but you didn't.
[Lisbon is in therapy]
Lisbon: I didn't even pull the trigger on Tanner, Jane did. You signed off on him after one session.
Dr. Carmen: He has good mental health.
Lisbon: Now I want to see your license to practice.
Lisbon: Why can't I remember?
Jane: It's interesting isn't it?
Lisbon: Yeah. Yeah, it's interesting.
Jane: Hmm.
Lisbon: [Voice starting to break] Well, you know, th- thanks for trying. You probably have, uh, somewhere you need to go, right?
Jane: Well, I'm not gonna give up that easily.
Lisbon: [Crying] I can count on you not to tell anybody about this, right? On the team?
Jane: Oh, Lisbon, hey.
Lisbon: Jane, I just need you to leave, okay? Could you please go.
Jane: All right. It's...it's gonna be okay. It's gonna be fine, all right? I promise.
Lisbon: I've got six open cases. I'm testifying in two more. I don't have time...
Dr.Carmen: [interrupting] It's not as if you have anything to talk about. (Starts reading her file) Mom dead when you were 12. Three younger brothers. Abusive, alcoholic dad. Now dead also.
Lisbon: It doesn't say abusive.
Dr.Carmen: [looks at her for a few seconds] But he was. Yes.
Lisbon: This coffee tastes like crap. Seriously.
Jane: What if something bad happened and you're blocking it out?
Lisbon: I didn't kill McTeer.
Jane: Well, let me hypnotize you so we can be sure.
Lisbon: No.
Jane: Why not?
Lisbon: Because I don't want you inside my head.
[Jane has hypnotised Lisbon]
Jane: So you're going down the steps, relaxing with each step, and now you reach the bottom, the very last step, the ultimate place of calm. How are you feeling?
Lisbon: Good.
Jane: Good. You're going to remain in this relaxed trance state while we think about Tuesday night. But first, sometimes you dance to that Spice girls CD, don't you?
Lisbon: Yeah. [She smiles with her eyes closed and does a little jiggle in her chair, as if she's playing the music in her head]
Jane: I thought so. [He grins] Now, Tuesday. You can watch whole day like it's a movie. Every detail is in focus. You can zoom into any moment you want. You can fast forward, rewind. You are in total control. Okay?
Lisbon: Okay.
Jane: Good. What do you see?
Lisbon: I'm finishing up the Form 41s on the Milbank case. I feel... hungry, 'cause I skipped lunch. The new guy in the mail room is hot.
Jane: Is he?
Lisbon: Yeah.
Jane: [looks a bit put out] Let's fast forward a little. Later in the day, you're about to leave CBI.
Lisbon: Van Pelt's working late. She's a hard worker. She might do well, if she manages not to sleep with Rigsby.
Minelli: [talking about Lisbon] You're worried about her. You think she might do something stupid?
Jane: Suicide? No. If she did, she wouldn't blame the bureau.
Minelli: That's not my concern at all!
Grace: So how about you give us a statement; maybe help yourself.
Howard: How 'bout you kiss me. (He leans across the table) You're pretty.
Grace: So are you, [pause, with no change in her facial expression] compared to most state prison inmates.
Dr. Carmen: What do you do for fun?
Lisbon: Fun?!
Dr. Carmen: That thing when you're not working.

Red Menace [2.4][edit]

Lisbon: [about Nina Hodge] If she followed her husband before, she could have tailed him again and killed him.
Jane: No, she didn't do it. She loved him.
Lisbon: She was a prisoner of her husband's life. She gets rid of him, gets a fresh start.
Jane: People trapped in miserable lives always talk about escaping. Few actually do it. It's easier just to close your eyes and pretend the misery doesn't exist.
Jane: You know, you're a very good liar. Most people subconsciously signal dishonesty, but you? There's nothing. No inner conflict. Usually, that's the mark of what shrinks like to call a sociopath.
Von McBride: Well, if by "sociopath" you mean that if you cross me, I would enjoy watching you suffer pain before I kill you... then, yeah, I'm a sociopath.
Jane: You can buy logo merchandise, Sinner Saints coffee mugs, decals, beach towels. Whoa! And some various other interesting little knickknacks.
Lisbon: Nice.
Jane: Yeah. Well, if they do it, we should do it. A range of casual wear, maybe? Sensible shoes?
Lisbon: I'll get right on that.
Jane: [To himsel] Lisbon loafers.
Xander: I'm a sadist and I bore easily.
Jane: Me, I see a difficult childhood, bad parenting, a lot of torment. But I also see how that suffering gave you great powers of empathy and a strong creative side and those are the qualities you should try and nurture in yourself. Not this brutish character you try to hide behind.
Jane: Oh, it's lovely.
Lisbon: It's a crime scene.
Jane: It's a lovely crime scene.
Jane: Okay, I needed Lucas to see Felicia get arrested, you needed hard evidence to charge Felicia. So...I made it happen.
Lisbon: By making an innocent woman think she was going to prison? As if her life wasn't hard enough already.
Jane: Yes, you're right. She does deserve some justice.
Lisbon: It's good to see you care.
Jane: You know, sarcasm is the lowest form of wit.
Rigsby: [On entering the lawyer's office] Jimmy marks on the door knob.
Cho: I doubt that was part of the original décor.
Cho: Talked to Van Pelt recently?
Rigsby: Yep.
Cho: Any progress?
Rigsby: Nope.
Jane: What's up, my brothers?
Lisbon: [to Von McBride] We just have one quick follow-up question for you.
McBride: [sighs] I've exceeded my quota of answering cops' questions. [Points at Jane] And my quota of crazy.

Red Scare [2.5][edit]

Deputy Fisher: (talking about Jane) What's this guy's problem?
Lisbon: That would take way too long to answer.
Rigsby: There's a man there. I think she's, you know...
Cho: Banging a homeless guy.
Rigsby: No! A volunteer. A chef. And she's not — I don't know.. not yet... maybe... I think... I don't... no.
Cho: Dude, you need counseling.
Lisbon: No, it doesn't, because ghosts don't exist.
Jane: They don't exist in your mind, but if you believe they exist, then, they exist.
Lisbon: Bite me. We're done for the night.
Jane: "Bite me"?
Lisbon: It's too much?
Jane: Uh, a smidge. It worked... fine, just a little over-the-top.
Jane: You killed Foster for an old key.
Drew: I wonder what it opens.
Jane: Oh, I know what it opens.
Drew: What?
(Jane makes a sign that his lips are sealed)
Lisbon: He's just messing with you. He's mean like that.

Black Gold and Red Blood [2.6][edit]

Lisbon: So they let you out, then?
Jane: Yes, they did. Thank you very much.
Lisbon: Had nothing to do with me.
Jane: So modest.
Lisbon: Oh, right. Bosco's so in love with me that he'll do whatever I say.
Jane: Yes. Yeah. It's a little farfetched. He does love you. How could he not? But he's not the type to bend his principles over love. So I figure it's something more concrete. You must have something on him.
Lisbon: You think?
Jane: Yes. Something he did wrong. Something very bad that you know about. Now he's not the type to steal or do drugs, so my guess? He hurt someone. He killed him. A bad guy that he couldn't catch any other way.
Lisbon: No.
Jane: Yes and you helped him do it. No. You found out after the fact and you let him off the hook because the bad guy deserved it.
Lisbon: No.
Jane: I'm touched that you would risk your career over me. That means a lot to me.
Lisbon: If you're right, and I'm not saying you are, it would mean I broke the trust of somebody I trust and respect for your sake. If it is true, I would hope in the future you would be a little more mature and responsible in your behavior.
Jane: I'm grateful and all, but let's not go crazy here.
Lisbon: I should have let you rot in jail. [both smile]

Red Bulls [2.7][edit]

Bosco: I've got to get back to the Westlakes.
Lisbon: I'd like to come with, if that's all right. I'd like to ask the Westlakes some questions about the dead guy, see if there's a connection.
Bosco: Okay.
Lisbon: [to Cho, Rigsby and Van Pelt] Start digging on the Hangler case. Contact the family and set up an interview.
Bosco: And I'd like to leave Hicks here to work with your team, if that's all right with you.
Lisbon: Okay.
Bosco: Keep 'em honest.
Lisbon: Hey. Care to reframe that, Sam?
Bosco: No. They're Jane's people. They need watching.
Lisbon: I like to think of them as my people.
Bosco: Think what you like. I can't have them trying to pull some cheap stunt behind my back.
Jane: Well we have a whole range of expensive stunts if you don't like the cheap ones.
Bosco: We came in hot because we thought the kidnap victim was there.
Minelli: Mia...somebody?
Bosco: Mia Westlake. Marin County heiress. She was taken a day and half ago. Witness gave us a partial plate on the kidnapper’s car. We dug up an outstanding parking ticket to a car in Oakland. Checked the address. Found there were people inside a house that was supposed to be empty.
Minelli: And he found you there because?
Lisbon: Ah, we got a call from the coroner’s bureau. There was a report of a corpse in a house, but they were short handed. Budget cuts. So they asked us to go and check it out. My team went in the house, the corpse was there but the coroner wasn’t. So we waited.
Minelli: And everyone almost died in a hail of bullets.
Jane: She alright?
Lisbon: Yeah.
Bosco: Thank God.
Jane: Well, thank kevlar actually.
Lisbon: Hush!

His Red Right Hand [2.8][edit]

Cho: You got something, Jane?
Jane: Uh, yes, I do, uh, he's naked.
Cho: Let me write that down.
Jane: Morning, Rebecca. They look good. One of those for me? You know, it's all right to like me now. Your boss and I made up.
Lisbon: That's okay, Rebecca. I don't like him, either.
Jane: She's a liar. She loves me.
Lisbon: Yeah.... keep telling yourself that.
Meredith: [about the attack against CBI agents] Special Agent Minelli, our condolences. Would you describe your feelings at this terrible time?
Minelli: Wow, Meredith. That's -- you media guys, that's just... You know, for eight years I've put up with the idiotic questions of the media and I've never said squat. But today, I must tell you, Meredith, you've really set a new standard in horse-assery. You people have no concept of what we do. We go into dark, horrible places. Alone and afraid. And we do it with no money, broken-down vehicles, with computers that have more viruses than a $10 whore. How? Good people, and I've lost three good people today and a fourth who is in critical condition, and you ask me how I'm feeling. I'm feeling sad, you moron. Any other questions?
Lisbon: You lost a lot of blood. They don't think you're going to make it!
Bosco: Then I have to say this! I love you, Theresa!
Lisbon: (blushes and whispers) I love you too!
Bosco: (thinking that she thinks he means as friends) No, I LOVE you!
Lisbon: (starts crying as she squeezes) I know what you mean!

A Price Above Rubies [2.9][edit]

Jane: This is beautiful. [places the crown on Lisbon's head]
Jane: So is it usual that your uncle is here after closing?
Tom Doverton: He's not our uncle exactly.
Jane: Oh, I'm sorry. The man that has sex with your aunt then.
Tom Doverton: If I may say so, what I do very much resent is the tone of your questioning.
Lisbon: I'm sorry if we've offended you.
Jane: No, don't say that. This is a murder investigation. I can be as hard ass as I'd like to be. Thank you.
Lisbon: [quietly to Jane] Actually it's not a murder investigation yet. If Mr. Warren dies, which seems likely, it'll become a murder investigation.
Jane: Oh yeah, that's right. He's not dead. Uh... well I apologize for my rudeness. Heh.
Jane: I deduce from the irritated tone of your phone conversation that I was right about Carl Ward.
Lisbon: Half right.
Jane: Go on.
Lisbon: His real name is Carl Wazowski. He was in jail for kiting checks. He's got an ex-wife in Bayonne, New Jersey. She's owed $90,000 in back alimony.
Jane: Half?

Throwing Fire [2.10][edit]

Jane: I've never caught a foul ball before.
Lisbon: Technically, you still haven't. Cho, you take him.
Cho: Yeah.
Jane: Oh, no, no, no, no. I'm fine.
Cho: How many fingers?
Jane: Six. Haven't we got a murder to solve?
Lisbon: You were unconscious.
Jane: No, I wasn't.
Cho: Jane, you were.
Jane: Was not. [at Lisbon] Your turn. Okay, I'll see a doctor. [Shouting at crime scene doctor] Uh, excuse me, doctor?
Doctor: Mmm?
Jane: I know, a real, live patient. I'm excited, too.
Jane: It's funny, isn't it? The big regrets in life people keep to themselves.
Lisbon: I don't know. I tell people about you.
Jane: Nice one. A zinger. High and tight.
Cho: Where are you going?
Jane: Baseball academy I was thinking. Don't we have to solve this thing?
Lisbon: Rigsby and Van Pelt are talking to the theater manager now.
Jane: The wife? No, no. It wasn't her. The murder weapon was a baseball bat. Baseball bat, baseball academy. Common sense.
Lisbon: Do you know who the killer is?
Jane: What do you think?
Lisbon: I think you said 'what do you think?' to make me think you do so I'll go with you, but really you don't.
Jane: [chuckles] Cho?
Cho: Baseball bat. Baseball academy. That's not common sense.
Jane: Great. We'll all go.

Rose Colored Glasses [2.11][edit]

Jane: Ah-ha!
Lisbon: Is that a useful ah-ha or an annoying ah-ha?
Lisbon: A brawl? you started a brawl? Come on!
Lisbon: You go to hell. Take a toothbrush.
Jane: Which way is that? [Lisbon glares at him] I'll go.
[Trying to guess what instrument Lisbon played at school]
Jane: Timpani!
Lisbon: No.

Bleeding Heart [2.12][edit]

Donner: Is he sniffing her?
Lisbon: Yes.
Donner: You pay him to sniff people?
Melba Walker Shannon: [To Wilson] These people will be leaving now.
Jane: I like the way you say that. Melba-like-the-toast. So tough and command. Let me tell you something. We are state law enforcement. And we leave when we want to leave.
Lisbon: Thanks for your time.
Jane: She wants to leave. See ya.
Rigsby: So, uh, guys. I have something to say.
Grace: We have something to say.
Rigsby: Uh, life's too short for dishonest. Van P... Grace and I are... lovers.
Lisbon: No you’re not.
Grace: Um, yes we are.
Jane: Well, it's a big secret, well kept.
Rigsby: Maybe you knew, but nobody else did.
Cho: I knew. Half the building knows.
Rigsby: They do not!
Cho: Yes they do.
Jane: The only person who didn't know is glaring at you right now.
Lisbon: And now I have to do something about it.
Cho: What are you gonna do?
Jane: Yeah, what are you gonna do?
Lisbon: Thinking.

Redline [2.13][edit]

Mashburn: [To Lisbon]] You have a damaged intensity that's quite attractive.
Jane: Hm mmm. (Jane nods his head in agreement)
Mashburn: Let me buy you a drink sometime.
Lisbon: I live in Sacramento.
Mashburn: I have a jet!
Jane: Oh very good, very good.
Lisbon: He’s got everything he wanted since he was thirty.
Jane: Not you.
Rigsby: Wait. Walter Mashburn asked you out?
Lisbon: No! (Jane gives her a look.) Well, sort of.
Rigsby: Wow.
Jane: Personally, I thought she should have gone for it. A little empty glamour would have been good for her. But, no, not our Lisbon.
Lisbon: [After Jane let Walter’s car fall off a cliff. Lisbon gets a phone call] Hey Cho... Oh no... Oh great. No. No, you can handle this one. Just be clear that the CBI is not liable. He is just a consultant.
Mashburn: You're a psychic, aren't you?
Jane: What makes you say that?
Mashburn: You have this charlatan air about you. (Jane smiles and looks at Lisbon who smiles too.)

(After the killer has been caught)

Mashburn: So it's over.
Jane: Yeah, it's over.
Mashburn: That's too bad. It was fun.
Jane: Yeah. How you gonna top that thrill?
Mashburn: Maybe next time I'll be the killer.
Walter Mashburn: You play mind games with people, you size up their weaknesses and then you give them the rope to hang themselves.
Jane: You make it sound so cool.
Lisbon: Okay, I am not jealous and resentful. That is nonsense.
Jane: Yet you recall my exact words. There's no shame in it. I feel that way too sometimes. Why does everyone else get to have a normal life?
Lisbon: My life is fine.
Jane: Normally you rise above such craven emotions but in this case your hands were tied. It's the rules. You're forced to do what your worst self is telling you to do anyway. Hence your tension headache.
Lisbon: I don't... (Jane gives her a look) All right. I do have a headache, but it's a coincidence.
Jane: Nah.
Lisbon: Either I obey the rules or I risk taking big heat for ignoring them. This is on Van Pelt and Rigsby, not me.
Jane: Whatever you say.
Lisbon: Jeff Sparhawk has no alibi.
Jane: You can dispense the cop talk, Lisbon. You can tell me what's bothering you.
Lisbon: Nothing's bothering me.
Jane: Okay.
Lisbon: Nothing is bothering me.
Jane: I understand your position. There's no reason to beat yourself up about it.
Lisbon: What are you talking about?
Jane: Well, that you feel bad about Rigsby and Van Pelt.
Lisbon: No I don't.
Jane: Well, you can't help wondering if there's a hint of jealousy and resentment in your decision.
Lisbon: Excuse me?
Jane: Message received.

Blood In, Blood Out [2.14][edit]

Elyse: [sees Jane, who is reading on the couch] I thought he’d look scarier.
Lisbon: He’s resting.
Jane: Who is this "KS," by the way?
Cho: Gang leader. Bad guy.
Jane: What did you do to make him mad?
Cho: I shot him.
Jane: That'll do it.

Red Herring [2.15][edit]

Lisbon: Where are my key?
[Jane holds up her keys]
Lisbon: You picked my pocket!
Jane: My turn to drive.
Lisbon: Jane!
Jane: Oh, don't be such an old lady. Get in. Your fears are groundless.
Lisbon: You're right. The car has airbags.
Lisbon: It's okay. She's gone.
Jane: Who's gone?
Lisbon: Oh please, your guilty conscience is obvious and well deserved.
Jane: Man. Justice can be a harsh mistress.

Code Red [2.16][edit]

Lisbon: Hey, Van Pelt. I need you to do background checks on Cliff Edmunds, Lilith Nash, Griffin Lattimer Welks, Julian Eric Tripp. I'm sending you their details now.
Rigsby: Anything we should be looking out for in particular?
Lisbon: Oh. One of them released a lethal super-virus that could kill half the state of California, so I guess we're looking for someone with a prior background of an evil supervillian.
Cho: Okay.
Lisbon: That last part was a joke.
Lisbon: I apologize for my colleague.
Jane: No, she doesn't! I retract that apology.
Lisbon: You know what made me feel better? Punching you in the nose.
Jane: [smiles] Glad to be of service.

The Red Box [2.17][edit]

Lisbon: What are you looking for?
Jane: The dirt under his nails smelled like rosemary. [finds a planter of rosemary which fits a jewelry box found at the scene] Whatever was inside this box killed our man.
Lisbon: Well. The case is practically closed.
Jane: There's no reason to be snarky.

Aingavite Baa [2.18][edit]

Hightower: I guess it's your way of saying you're unhappy with how I'm handling Lisbon.
Jane: We spend a lot of time together, and when she's unhappy I'm less happy. It's human nature.
Hightower: Yes, it is. I'll tell you what, Patrick. Why don't you let me handle my business my way and judge me by the results, and I'll let you handle yours your way. Up to a point.
Jane: That sounds fair. Up to a point.

Blood Money [2.19][edit]

Jane: Catching killers I enjoy, but being reminded that we're just a cog in a petty, fascist machine? That is a little depressing.
Lisbon: Crime fighting is hard. Suck it up.
Jane: I'm going into the Drapers' lair.
Lisbon: That's not a lair, it's an office, and no you're not.
Jane: Oh yes I am. Listen, I'm a little scared, you wouldn't want me to get hurt would you?
Lisbon: Don't bet on it. Why the Drapers?
Jane: A hunch. They're key in this somehow.
Lisbon: You think they hired Silva?
Jane: Well, they certainly look the part.
Lisbon: Why the hell didn't you call Cho?
Jane: You were closer.
Lisbon: Call Cho. I'm not even armed.
Jane: More lies! You have at least two guns in that car. Three?! You're the poster girl for the NRA.
Jane: Well, we caught the bad guy.
Lisbon: Yes, we did.
Jane: Most days that's enough.
Lisbon: Yep.
Jane: You want to go to the range and shoot something?
Lisbon: I'll drive.
Van Pelt: Van Pelt. Whoa! Slow down! Uh, uno momento por favor. (Thrusts the phone toward Rigsby) Um...can you? It's the Federales, I think. Something about Jane and a goat?

Red All Over [2.20][edit]

Alex Harrington: There's no such thing as luck.
Jane: Really?
Alex Harrington: It's all about knowing the odds, seizing the chances. 'No luck involved'.
Jane: Hogwash. (meaning nonsense.)

18-5-4 [2.21][edit]

Rigsby: [referring to the floor safe] That's a high-end sensor lock. That's going to be tough to bust into.
Cho: I'll call tech services, tell them we need a locksmith.
Lisbon: [looking under the bed] Don't bother. I found the key.
Rigsby: This type of safe doesn't use a key.
Lisbon: [holds up severed index finger] Oh yes it does.
Cho: Face the wall. Put your hands on your head.
Moskev: Who are you guys?
Rigsby: Remember the badge? C.B.I.
Moskev: What the hell is that?
Cho: California Bureau of Investigation.
Moskev: What the hell is that?
Rigsby: We're like the F.B.I., only more conveniently located.

Red Letter [2.22][edit]

Sheriff Burnside: So you're the psychic, huh?
Jane: No. There's no such thing as psychics.
Kristina Frye: Don't you ever get tired of your own cynicism?
Jane: Oh, weary as hell, but what's the alternative?
Jane: So, is she telling the truth?
Kristina: I'm not sure. The spirit is deeply conflicted. I can't get a clear reading.
Jane: What are you using, dial-up?

Red Sky in the Morning [2.23][edit]

Kristina: You can smile your arrogant smile and pretend you know everything about everything, but you don't. There are whole worlds that you can't even begin to understand.
Jane: Synchronized swimming is the only world that springs to mind, but I'm sure you are right.
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