The Ren & Stimpy Show

The Ren & Stimpy Show is an animated television series created by John Kricfalusi for Nickelodeon. The series follows the adventures of titular characters Ren, an emotionally unstable chihuahua, and Stimpy, a good-natured, dimwitted cat.

Ren

• "You eediot!!"
• "YOU WORM!!"
• "YOU SICK LITTLE MONKEY!"
• "47 Million Dollars!!!!"
• "You filthy swine! I WILL KILL YOU!"
• "What do you MEAN 'YOU DON'T AGREE WITH ME!?' DO YOU KNOW WHO YOU'RE DEALING WITH!!!!?"
• "Psst! Hey, Guido. It's so clear to me now. I'm the keeper of the Cheese, and you're the Lemon Merchant. You get it? And he knows it! That's why HE's gonna kill us! So we gotta beat it. Yeah. Before he lets loose the marmosets on us!!! Don't worry little missy, I'll save you!"
• "Mayyybe sometheeng bad... mayyyybe sometheeng good... I guess we'll never know!"
• "YOU'RE DARN TOOTIN' I'M ANGRY! I HAVE NEVER BEEN THIS ANGRY IN MY ENTIRE LIFE! [starts shaking like he's having a seizure when suddenly he stops.] Hey... I feel great! I love being angry! Thank you, Stimpy!"
• "Stimpy! ACTIVATE THE PLOT DEVICE!"
• "Stimpy, come home! I can't find the pliers!"
• "How could I have been so blind? So thees ees the speereet of Chreestmas! Exchangeeng currency for commercial geefts as an attempt to express love!"
• "Hey, Spidey, thanks for dropping by and boosting our sales!"
• Admeet eet, waseent that beauteeful? Poignant! Touching! ...All right, so eet was eencredibly heedious! But eef you don't send us more cash, we'll show heem again and again and again!"
• "Name's Spayed. Sam Spayed. I'm a private eye. And leetle deed I know, but on thees dark and stormy night, I had a date weeth desteeny. But she was busy, so I set up a date weeth eentrigue. But you try getting eentrigue to go out on a week night... Just have to settle for a date weeth danger."
• "What is it, man?"
• "DON'T TOUCH IT! It's the history eraser button, you fool."
• "I... I was nice today. Nice to those insipid little monkeys, answering their stupid letters. My hands... DIRTY! THE DIRT WON'T COME OFF! (He screams) President...What a joke. President...President of what? [Enviously looking over at Stimpy] His fan club! How they love him! Look at him, lying there asleep. [Creeps over to Stimpy's side]The idol of millions. He's a fool! Blind, silly little fool. How easily I could end the farce... with these hands! These DIRTY hands! And with these hands, I hold the fate of millions! They think he's a god, but he's as mortal as we. I know! [Visually drawing a dotted line along Stimpy's neck] Just..one...quick...TWIST! And it's over. Just one... Just... AAAAH! It's happening again! MY BRAIN! MY HOT... STINGING... BRAIN!!!! [screams in pain]"
• "Oh, my beloved ice cream bar. How I love to lick your creamy center! [Takes three big bites out of the bar of soap and eats it] And your oh-so-nutty chocolate covering. You’re not like the others; you like the same things I do: wax paper, boiled football leather, dog breath. We’re not hitchhiking anymore; we’re ridin'!
• "ALRIGHT, THAT'S IT! I'VE HAD ALL I CAN STAND FROM YOU, KOWALSKI!"
• "You have an overactive imagination. I don't want to hear any more of your "stinky" fantasies."
• "Oh, what I'm gonna do to you."
• "He's DEAD!! Dead, you eediot!! You know what dead means?! It's what we'll be if we don't get out of here!"
• "Finish your stinky old puppets! See if I care! But if you think that I'm gonna help you, YOU'RE BARKING UP THE WRONG CHICKEN!!!"
• "Well here I am, cooking my side of beef, on a bed full of hats, under an open umbrella, under a ladder! While a black cat crosses my path."
• "For the last time, I want you to be QUIET!"
• "Ah, big deal. I'll show you a smile."

Stimpy

• "It stays crunchy, even in milk. I may not be the President, I may not be the Pope... but as long as I have Gritty Kitty, I shall never mope."
• "Happy happy! Joy joy!"
• "Ren, you're... you're angry?"
• "[astonished] Happy to be of service...?"
• "Don't worry, Ren! I can tell ya what happens [in the movie] FRAME BY FRAME! Okay, first there's this lion, and he's stickin' his head through a big ol' circle..."
• "Oh, joy!"
• "It's Commander Hoek and Stimpy! Happy, happy, happy! Joy, joy, joy! My favorite live-action drama!, Don't let it start, don't let it start, Roger, A O.K. Activate View Screen, I can't watch this show without my... Trusty Commander Hoek Radar Decoder Ring, My... Official Commander Hoek Space Helmet, Not to mention your Genuine Super Elastic Time Shorts bet you don't have a pair of these Earthling, And... my Anti-Gravity Bubblegum.
• "You just got a visit from the Bloody Head Fairy."
• "Don't you know what TODAY is Ren? It's Tuesday The 17th, the unluckiest day of the year! You see Ren, when the moon enters Libra, and the House of Confluence shifts into retrograde, Virgo erupts under pressure from Mercury. This causes the planets to align in a conga line, of chaos and disaster!"
• "Ollie ollie oxen free!"
• "Oh. So it's like that, is it? Come come, now. It's okay, Ren! Lots of people make cartoons that can't draw! Like, uh... you can write!"
• "My favorite! Barbecued, Boston, baked beans!"
• "PLEEEAAASE!!! MUST...HAVE...T...V!!!"
• "Someone's DYING, MY LAW-RED!! AH, KUMBAYAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH..."
• "It's my magic nose goblins. I picked them myself!"
• "Diddle diddle fiddle piddle poodle piddle poodle racky sacky want some seafood mama."
• "H-hello, Shady Brain Farm? REN NEEDS HELP!!!"

Powdered Toast Man

• "Leave everything to me!"
• "Quick, man! Cling tenaciously to my buttocks!"
• "POWDERED TOAST MAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!"

Other

• "Can you spare a cup of protoplasm?" - Female Alien Chihuahua

• "He is ole, you are Svën!" - Svën

• "Hmmmm... no sir, I don't like it." - Mr. Horse

• "Ya lousy bum!" - Muddy Mudskipper

• "MEAT!!!" - Kowalski

• "I've had it up to here with the likes of you people! Oh, sorry. I thought you were circus midgets." - Fire Chief

• "What's shaking, sparky?" - Sid

• "How you fellers doin'? Beautiful day isn't it? Boy, it sure is nice to meet other guys who are comfortable with their nakedity like me!" - Old Man Hunger

• "It's discipline that begets love!" - George Liquor

• "How dare you serve me haggis without chutney?!" - Haggis MacHaggis

• "Help! My kidneys!" - Mrs. Buttloaves

Dialogue

[Ren is trying out Stimpy's Stay-Put Socks]

Ren: Why, it's amazing! How do they work?

Stimpy: They're full of glue. [glue oozes out of the top of the socks; Ren starts to lose it] I'm so glad you like them, Ren! Wait here. I'll get the Stay-Put hat and raincoat.

Ren: You filthy swine! I will kill you!

---

[after the "Happy Happy Joy Joy" song]

Stimpy: Ren. You're... you're angry?

Ren: You're darn tootin' I'm angry! I have never been this angry in my ENTIRE LIFE!!! [suddenly happy] Hey! I feel great! I love being angry! Thank you, Stimpy.

Stimpy: [confused] Happy to be of service?

[Ren stares at Stimpy with a wild look in his eye, while his laughter echoes across the room]

---

Fat oaf: So let me get this straight. You're a CIA agent sent by the Queen of America to deliver this top-secret scooter to the West Pole?
Stimpy: "Eh, that's right. To the big chief spy himself, Stinky Wizzleteats!"

---

Stimpy: (reading his Christmas list to the Lincoln Memorial) And I want a bike, and a Betsy-Wets-Herself doll, and a CHEE-Z Bake Oven, and a Pulpy the Pup doll, and a jillion army men, and a... (Ren throws a sponge at him) Ooh!
Ren: Get down from there! That's not Santy Claus! It's a memorial.
Stimpy: A memorial? (choked) I didn't know Santy Claus was... DEAD! Waauugh!
Ren: You are so stupid.
Stimpy: Am I?
Ren: IDIOT! Don't you recognize President William P. Fillmore when you see him?!

---

Stimpy: I just got a ransom note for the Maltese Stimpy! It says:
"Have half a million in hollowed out melons,
or we felons will sell 'im to a fella in Magellan!
Then lock your two knocks on the doors by the docks,
And we'll unlock our locks on that spot for a talk!"
Say Sam, you look fraught?!
Please say you are not!
Ren: 'Thought your wad'd be shot,
When you got to the spot,
'Bout the docks and the knocks
And the locks and the talks,
Eet's made me quite rought,
Seence you've talked quite a lot,
Yet meessed not a jot
Nor got caught een meed-thought!
I do not like theese ransome plan!
I do not like eet, Sam I am!"

---

Stimpy: My atomic wave projector will increase the yield of these sugar frosted lumps a thousand fold! Who knows where this could lead?

Ren: Anyone who's read the title "Dogzilla" has a pretty good idea, I theenk.

Stimpy: This could be a boon to mankind, you know!

Ren: You wouldn't say that eef thees story was called "CATZILLA"!

---

Ren: We're ready to order, miss. One big bacteria, two moldfurters, an acteev culture shake, and--

Stimpy & Svën: NO, WAIT!

Stimpy: I want a turkey nut yogurt cane!

Svën: Und an order of lactose-on-a-stick, yew betcha!

Ren: Eexcuse me. That weel be one turkey nut cone, one lactose-on-a-steeck, one one moldfurter, and--

Stimpy & Svën: NO, WAIT!

Ren: What ees eet NOW?

Stimpy & Svën: We're not hungry.

Ren: [steaming] Not... hungry. Fine. No problem.

---

Future Ren 1: Hey. buddy! Yeah you, pal! Look at you, when I'm talkin' to me!
Ren: ?
Future Ren 1: Leesten up! Your plan... eet steenks! We must do sometheeng about these time-holes before eet's too late!
Ren: Ah, but I am doing sometheeng! I'm geeving them a whole new speeffy look! You're just jealous that you deedn't theenk of eet!
Future Ren 1: (grinding his teeth) But I deed theen of eet... when I was you! Eet was stupeed then, and eet's stupeed now! And--and--and GRRRRR!

---

Muddy Mudskipper: (chasing Stimpy in a Yogi Bear parody) Get yer hand outta dat pic-a-nic basket, you dusty old cat! Pssst, hey kid, say yer line!
Stimpy: O-oh yeah! Jaaaane, stop this crazy thing! Well, blow me down! I'm huntin' for a wabbit! I hate meeces to pieces!

---

The Anthem of The Royal Canadian Kilted Yaksmen
(Sung to the theme of My Country Tis of Thee)
Our country reeks of trees,
Our Yaks are really large,
And they smell like rotting beef-carcases.
And we have to clean up after them,
And our saddle-sores are the best.
We proudly wear womens clothing,
and searing sand blows up our skirts.
And the buzzards, they soar overhead,
and poisonous snakes, will devour us whole.
Our bones will bleach in the sun.
And we will probably go to hell!
And that, is our great reward.
For being the-uh royal CANADIAN, KILTED, YAKSMEN.

---

Svën: I'm finding you.

Stimpy: I'm hiding in the closet...like an idiot.

---

[Ren returns home from work on a rainy day. He is shocked when he see's the house is a mess]

Ren: [angrily] I knew it! Cat dirt... everywhere! [starts to get more angry, but suddenly calms down] Well, at least I'm home. I can continue my intellectual pursuits!

[A mellow Ren walks away, but then stops and is appalled at the sight of his opera records stuck to the wall]

Ren: My opera records! COVERED IN BUBBLE GUM! AAAAAAAAHHHHHH! [sniffles a little, then turns around and notices several germs exiting open jars and squirming down the drain] My collection of rare, incurable diseases! Violated! NOOO-OOO-OOOOO! [then see's his dinosaur droppings colored like easter eggs] My dinosaur droppings! Painted... like EASTER EGGS!

[Stimpy and Svën cease playing when they hear Ren's outburst]

Ren: AAAHHHH!!!!!!! You... EEDIOTS!!! [Ren angrily stomps toward Stimpy and Svën, who back away several times until they hit a wall] YOOOOOUU... BOTH OF YOU!!! [He starts shaking angrily, but then transitions to a kind of sadistic calmness] Oh, what I'm gonna do to you. [He starts shaking his fists, thinking of ways to hurt Stimpy and Svën, who are cowering together; slowly] I'm so angry! First... I'm gonna tear your lips out. Yeah, that's what I'm gonna do. And then, I'm gonna... gouge your eyes out! Yeah... that's what I'm gonna do.

Stimpy: We don't like this, Ren!

Svën: Ja, you scary us!

Ren: Yeah. You're scared, huh? Next, I'm gonna... [mimes ripping their arms out and the dislocated arm dangling] TEAR your arms out of the sockets! [Stimpy and Svën whimper while rubbing their arms] And you wanna know what else? I'm gonna hit ya, and you're gonna fall... and I'm gonna look down... and I'm gonna laugh. [Stimpy and Sven both cry] But first... [Stimpy and Svën gasp] FIRST... [suddenly calm] I gotta take a whiz! Don't you go anywhere. [Points to the ground they're standing on] You stay right here... Right on this spot... I'll be back! [Ren stomps away, and over the "Don't Whiz on the Electric Fence game before turing around and noticing it] What's this stupid thing?!

Stimpy: [cheerfully] It's a game, Ren!

Svën: Ja, it's really fun!

[Ren takes a look at the game, then turns to Stimpy and Svën, then smiles evilly, coming up with an idea]

Ren: Oh, ya like this game?

Stimpy: Oh yeah, Ren!

Svën: We love it!

Ren: Oh, ya like the game, huh? Do you really like it?

Stimpy and Svën: It's our favorite game in the whole world!

Ren: Oh, ya like the game, huh? Then how do you like this?! [produces a fly on his crotch and unzips it. Stimpy and Svën only look in horror as Ren whizzes all over the game. Ren looks at Stimpy and Svën giggling manically. Then the whole house explodes, sending the trio to Hell. The Devil appears]

The Devil: So, you whizzed on the electric fence, did ya?

Commercial Jingle: Don't Whiz on the Electric Fence!

---

Shaven Yak: SHUT UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP!!!!!!!!! I can't STAND IT ANYMORE!!! All the time, singing! SINGING! Why won't he STOP?! [Starts laughing maniacally]

---

(After Ren takes Stimpy to "someplace where [he] won't hurt [himself] any longer", [i.e., their house's basement] he has a nightmare about Muddy Mudskipper and TV)

Stimpy: Hey, Muddy, what are you going to do with that mallet?

Muddy: AH-HA! [hits Stimpy with the Mallet, hard, resulting in a cranial eruption, with Stimpy groaning in pain] Give the bum a big hand! [Audience laughs]

[cut to Stimpy tossing and turning]

Stimpy: What...are...ya?...

[cut back to Stimpy's nightmare]

Muddy: You're a bum!

Stimpy: But Muddy, I love you!

Muddy: A lousy, stinkin' BUM!

[cut to Stimpy tossing and turning again, followed by cutting back to his nightmare]

Muddy [who has turned into a TV set]: You're, a BUM, BUM, BUM, BUM, BUM, BUM, BUM, BUM, BUM, BUM, BUM, BUM...BUM!!!!!

(Stimpy falls helplessly into Muddy's mouth, followed by Muddy chomping his mouth shut)

Stimpy: [as he wakes up from his nightmare] MUDDY!!

[Stimpy then runs up a winding staircase to the attic, which has a barred window]

Stimpy: Lord, Help me. [Stimpy begins to cry] I...WANT...MY...T...V!!!!!!

[cut to Ren, who doesn't hear him as he's fallen asleep]

---

Ren : What's on TV tonight?

Stimpy: I don't care.

Ren: Commander Hoek and Cadet Stimpy!

Stimpy: I don't care.

Ren: Hey look. It's time for Muddy Mudskipper!

Stimpy: I don't care.

[Ren looks concerned for a moment, then has an idea]

Ren: Look what I got for you! A new catnip mouse!

Stimpy: [turning it away] Ah....

Ren: Mr. Catnip Mouse!

[Ren tries to get Stimpy to play with the mouse, but Stimpy doesn't respond, then Ren has another idea]

Ren: It's Mr. Litter Box! Come on! Take a stinky one! [scratches steps] Nice and stinky!

Stimpy: Stinky... [loud, violent crying]

Ren: So THAT's it! YOU'RE still crying about your imaginary BUTT stinkyness!

Stimpy: I'm not listening to this anymore! He's real. He's REAL! He's REAL!!

Ren: Look, man! It's time to get over this fantasy of yours. Let the wound heal. Come on, man, I'll help you. Together, we'll get through this, okay, buddy?

Stimpy: I don't care.

(At this point, Ren has finally lost his patience)

Ren: FINE! Sit here and wallow! You FAT, You -you STUPID... WHO NEEDS YA?!!! [storms off]

---

Ren: There's only one thing I hate more than creamed corn, and that's...

Fire Chief: Cheese?

---

Stimpy [after waking up in the hospital after their second accident]: Where's Ren?

Ren': Here, you idiot! [We see what's left of Ren stitched together on Stimpy's behind] My face is killing me!

Doctor: The important thing is, you are alive, and you have each other. Have some lunch.

Stimpy: My favorite! Barbecued, Boston, baked beans!

[Iris out as Ren quivers with fear, then we hear a farting noise]

---

Muddy Mudskipper: Hey kid, you did all right! [He gives Stimpy an "O.K" hand gesture] Ya lousy bum. [Stimpy sits on a stool looking depressed] Well, what's the matter? [Stimpy whimpers] Hey kid, I don't get it. You got it made! You got forty-seven million dollars. You got my TV contract. What more could you possibly want?

Stimpy: I WANT REN!!!! [cries]

---

Stimpy: Hey Ren, he reminds me of your uncle Eddie.

Ren: Why's that?

Stimpy: 'Cause he's big and stinky!

Ren: [slaps him] Hey! You shouldn't say mean things like that. Did you ever consider that this horse might have feelings?

---

Ren: Is that my beef carcass?

Stimpy: Yes it is, Ren! Beef carcasses are very lucky you know, we immerse it in common house o-bile!

Ren: WHAT?! THAT MEAT GOES IN MY MOUTH, NOT IN YOUR BILE!

Stimpy: But... but, Ren...Tuesday...17! [Ren punches Stimpy to the ground and proceeds to lift up the beef carcass and, with a grunt, tosses it back in the house through the window, where it lands on their bed]

Stimpy: NOOOO!!! You've done it now, Ren! It's TERRIBLE bad luck to toss your carcass on the bed!

Ren: I wave my shiny red keister in the face of you and your stuper-stitions!!

Stimpy: [horrified] No, Ren! It's bad juju to blaspheme!

Ren: [evilly] Juju, eh? Ooh, I'm so scared! The big bad juju's gonna get me. COME ON, JUJU! I'M CALLING YOU OUT!!! [gets struck by lightning] Ow, ow, ow, ow...

Stimpy: Ha, ha. Gee, Ren, I guess you didn't know it was unlucky to---

Ren: GET IN THE HOUSE!!!

Stimpy: [scared in horror] Yes sir! [runs back into the house]

---

[Stimpy is having a nightmare over accidentally stealing a scooter.]

Old Woman: That's him! Stealing scooters on Yaksmas! SHAME ON YOU!

Stimpy: But- But, I--

Yak: I stayed up for a week chewing all that gum for you!

Ren: I'm glad I forgot to get you that stupid scooter! You don't deserve it!

Cop: I was gonna buy that scooter for my sick little kid! And now look at her!

[Enter the cop's daughter, who is in the form of a demented marionette.]

Marionette: [laughs insanely] Now look at me! Now look at me! NOW LOOK AT ME! [laughs insanely]

Stimpy: I can explain! I--

[Stimpy gets slammed by a very large gavel, which belongs to the judge, Stinky Whizzleteats.]

Stinky: Stimpson J. Cat, you stand accused of stealing a $39 scooter. How do you plead?

Stimpy: Listen your honor, I--[his tongue reveals the words "guilty as sin" printed on it; he exclaims in shock]

Stinky: Foreman Yak, how do you find the thieving rat?

[We see the jury, which consists of twelve yaks, with their stand titling them as "12 Angry Yaks". One of the yaks, the foreman yak, stands up, and speaks.]

Foreman Yak: Guilty, of scootercide in the first degree.

Stinky: Very well. [points at Stimpy] For your crimes against humanity, your sentence is... INFINITY IN [echoing] PRISON!

[Stimpy gets locked in a jail cell.]

Stimpy: [crying] BUT I DIDN'T MEAN TO TAKE IT!!!!

---

Ren: Okay, one more time, if you let [Sid] the little monster come near me again, I'll...

Stimpy: Uh... Oh yeah! Kill me slow.

Ren: And...

Stimpy: Take my show away from me?

[Sid is looking at Ren's butt.]

Sid: Hmm, smooth butt. I heard of that.

Ren: And... [Sid bites Ren's butt, making him scream in pain]

Stimpy: Oh good! He's teething!

---

[Ren comes home, only to instantly react in shock when he sees that Stimpy and Sid have made a mess of the house. As the Fire Chief can be seen bound and gagged (implying he tried to attack Sid for being a circus midget), Stimpy and Sid are playing a game of patty-cake.]

Ren: THAT'S IT!!! I've had enough of you and your stupid pet! THERE'S TOOTHPASTE ALL OVER THE HOUSE!!! THE TOILET SEAT IS ALWAYS UP!!! AND HAVE YOU SEEN THE PRICE OF CLOWN PANTS NOWADAYS?! AND PLAYING WITH MY STUFF IS STRICTLY... VERBOTEN!!!!

[Upon hearing Ren say "verboten", Sid roars viciously and precedes to maul Ren as he screams.]

Stimpy: Now, Ren, you should refrain from using any Slavic dialects. Sid is a German attack clown.

---

Stimpy: Oh, Re-en! Before we go Yaksmas caroling, I have something for you!

Ren: What are you up to?

Stimpy: Nothing. It's a present!

Ren: A present?

Stimpy: Well, I couldn't afford to buy you a Christmas present. So I made you one!

Ren: Aww, thanks, l. You know, Stimpy, it's the thought that counts. And besides, if you made my present, that makes it all the more special!

Stimpy: Okay, Ren! Here's your present! [barfs up hairballs] HWARRRF!!!

Ren: CAT HAIRBALLS!?!?!

See also

• Ren & Stimpy "Adult Party Cartoon"